Mike Tyson Mysteries (2014) s02e12 Episode Script
Unsolved Situations
1
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(MARQUESS HUMMING)
MIKE: What the (BLEEP)
Michael! What on earth
are you doing?
There's no pigeons
in the pigeon coop.
Not one!
Not one (BLEEP) pigeon.
Ugh, good riddance, right?
(CHUCKLES)
I'm sorry. I mean,
I'm sorry, but pigeons
are disgusting.
They're dirty, they're vile,
they're disease ridden.
Oh, and they're ugly
(GASPS)
How long have you been
standing there?
Did you hear what I said?
Because you heard it wrong.
Yeah.
It's, it's not what you think.
I was, um (LAUGHS)
Ah, I was joking!
It was a joke.
I knew you were there,
that's why I said it. (LAUGHS)
To be funny.
Okay, I didn't know
you were there. I just
(EXHALES) I wanted, um
The reason
I said those things,
those terrible things,
was I just, um,
wanted to hear 'em, yeah.
I wanted to hear
what they sound like
coming out of my mouth,
um, so that later(SCOFFS)
Okay, okay, okay. That doesn't
make any sense. Um
Okay, look, don't go making
this into something it's not.
I didn't mean you.
I meant them.
Not them, I don't mean them.
I'm not
-(DOOR OPENS)
-Making about
They're gone. The pigeons.
They're all gone.
Yeah, I don't get
why you ever had them
in the first place.
-They're disgusting.
-(GASPS)
-Asshole.
-What could it mean?
No one is sending messages
asking for help
by carrier
pigeons anymore?
It's kind of surprising that
anyone was sending messages
by carrier pigeon ever.
Hey, wait a minute.
Maybe no one's
sending messages
asking us to solve
their mysteries
because there's no more
mysteries to be solved.
We solved them all.
Guys, our work is done.
Turn in your tracksuits.
The Mike Tyson mystery team
is official disband.
-I never got a tracksuit.
-Me either.
Yung, it's time for you to
follow your own dreams
and go to college.
Dad, I'm already enrolled.
I've been taking classes
at night.
(BLEEPS) A.
Get that knowledge, girl.
Get that knowledge.
That's where you go, class?
You know, I always thought
you were one of those
good girls by day,
bad girls by night types.
You know,
like that movie Angel.
-What?
-You never saw Angel?
Come on, there were like
three of 'em.
Early days of cable,
they showed it all the time.
You'd keep watching
hoping to catch
a little tit action
and you couldn't rewind.
Yeah, they didn't have
rewind back then
so you had to watch
the (BLEEP) thing again.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Nothin'?
You never saw Angel?
(BLEEP)
When the (BLEEP)
were you born?
-Oh, my God, 1998.
I am so much older than you.
As a token of my gratitude
for all of your hard work
as a Mike Tyson
Mystery Team member,
please enjoy
this margarita machine.
Oh, okay.
Marquess, you came from
beyond the grave
to save me from myself,
and to give back to others
by solving mysteries.
I have done that.
I never said solve mysteries.
Now you should go and save
another heavyweight champion
from himself.
-Michael, I think
-I suggest Larry Holmes.
-Michael
-Please, Marquess.
Sometimes I worry about
Larry Holmes.
Oh, my God.
Ah, take the
margarita machine, Marquess.
Ugh.
YUNG: Hmm.
Why do you have so many
margarita machines?
Well, when you're a celebrity,
people just send (BLEEP)
over to you, you know.
I got tons of 'em. Here.
Well, thank you for this
incredibly personal
and thoughtful gift, Mike.
Dad, where're you going?
I don't know.
Damn.
What am I going to do now?
Maybe I should just
lay down and die.
I've done all I could do
in this life.
(HORN BLARES)
It's my time.
The light. Go to the light.
Hey, wait a second.
That's pigeon shit.
Where're you going,
little guy?
My house is that way!
Snoop Dogg?
What up, Mike?
I didn't know you had
a house here, brother.
(BLEEP) Yeah, I got
a big (BLEEP) house
in St. Louis, too.
Let me show you my succulents.
Oh, no, no, thank you.
I'm into women.
I'm talkin' about
desert fauna, fool.
I got five kinds of aloes,
two types of burrow tails
and a (BLEEP) load
of blue agave to play off
the Moroccan blue of the pots.
Hey, Mike, would you mind
turnin' off the water?
Sure thing, brother.
See, many people think
you don't got to
water this shit.
But you do. See, that's the
(BLEEP) misconception.
Yeah, I thought you didn't
have to water that (BLEEP)
at all, my man.
For real? Well, now you know.
Now, I know.
So, what's going on?
Man, I think I saw a pigeon
fly to your house.
But I bet it was trying to
fly to my house.
I bet it got lost.
No, I don't think he got lost.
That's a pigeon coop?
SNOOP DOGG: As envisioned
by architect Frank Gehry.
Pigeons love it.
But they sometimes
have trouble
with those Gehry curves.
I didn't even know you was
into pigeons, man.
-(BLEEP)
-Oh, yeah.
They bring me messages
from people in need.
And helping them, you know,
it makes me feel good
about myself.
And it fills my life
with meaning.
-Hey, but that's mine.
-But I don't just do it alone.
I got a whole team.
A child prodigy scientist,
-a mountain lion
-(PURRS)
and my main man
Ross Matthews.
-Good to see you.
-Oh.
And we got a Russian military
helicopter
that takes us
where we want to go.
Aren't those expensive, man?
If you think 12 million
is expensive.
Yeah, I think it is.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm also in the process of
making an animated show
about my adventures
called Snoop Dogg's
Unsolved Situations.
You're gonna have a cartoon
made out of you.
I always wanted to have
a cartoon out of me.
Personally, I don't care
for cartoons.
But I let my
business manager
Deezy, he handles
all of that kind of (BLEEP)
(BLEEP) Deezy.
Hey, help, I'm in peril.
Snoopy, help, I'm in peril.
Oh, Snoop, I don't know
how I'm gonna say this,
but, man, solving mysteries
is kinda like, um,
you know, my thing.
That's cool.
I hear you, but
I solve unsolved situations.
So that's totally different.
Mike, we're cool, right?
Yeah, uh, unsolved situations
is different than mysteries.
Yeah, uh, we're cool.
-We're cool, yeah, we're cool.
-Yoo-hoo, Snoopy!
-(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIR)
-We have a new
unsolved situation.
(CRYING)
Why'd you tell him
you're cool?
You're not cool.
You're crying.
(SOBBING) I'm not crying.
(STUTTERING)
My eyes are just sweatin'
a little bit, that's all.
(CONTINUES CRYING)
"I need your help.
Sincerizzle." Snoop Dogg?
Whoa, you know
what this means?
That "sincerely,"
not the best word
to add "izzle" to.
No, it means that we gotta get
the team back together.
I don't think it
has to mean that.
The sphere of influence
of the Han empire
opened up the Silk Road
-that connected China to
-Yung!
Where Yung Hee at?
-Dad?
-Come on, Yung.
We got us a mystery to solve.
Dad, I'm kind of
in the middle of
You're Yung Hee Tyson?
Oh, how come
you never say that?
You are famous.
Get out of here.
Go with your dad.
Go solve your mystery.
Asian Studies.
(BLEEP) Damn, Yung.
You are Asian.
You don't need to study it.
1999?
(CHUCKLES) You were
born in 1999?
(BLEEP) I'm so (BLEEP) old.
I'm sorry, I'm very confused.
He sent you to come here
and live with me
because he's worried about me?
And you say you are a ghost?
Um, yes. I mean, basically.
What do you mean "basically"?
What am I leavin' out?
(SIGHS) Nothing.
-Well, you tell Mike Tyson
-(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
Larry Holmes
is doing just fine.
And I think you should go
live with him,
-because I'm worried
about him.
-(HONKS)
Hey, Larry,
I need Marquess back!
I know you probably
need him to save you
from all of your problems,
but I need him more.
Well, I should
probably just
Get the (BLEEP) out of here.
Uh-huh.
Thanks for comin', Mike.
I got a big old (BLEEP)
mystery on my hands.
Is it who ripped up
all your succulents?
'Cause that was me.
I did it after I left
your house.
You said was I cool?
And I should have
told you the truth.
I was not cool.
But now I'm cool again
'cause I'm back doin' what
I was put on this Earth to do.
So what's the big
(BLEEP) mystery?
I can't find Chin.
Who the (BLEEP) is Chin?
My little
child prodigy scientist.
Where was the last place
you saw him?
He was chillin'
with the mountain lion.
Hmm. Well, then, let's go see
that mountain lion.
Shit, you're good at this.
This is his room.
Yo, mountain lion. It's Snoop.
I'm comin' in.
(ALL EXCLAIM)
You guys, what is going on?
-Mountain lion ate Chin.
-Ah!
-(GUNSHOT FIRED)
-(ALL EXCLAIM)
(THUDS)
Shame, noble creature.
But once they get a taste
for human flesh, you gotta
put 'em down.
Okay, I'm sorry,
this is crazy!
-Lose my number, bitches!
-(DOOR CLOSES)
Well, it looks like
I've lost my team.
Mike, are you cool if I start
sending unsolved situations
your way from now on?
Yeah, I'm cool with that.
For real, though? 'Cause last
time you said that,
-you were not cool.
-Yeah, for real.
You also cool with contacting
Chin's parents?
Man, you had a mountain lion?
I had a mountain lion.
Sierra, yes.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(MARQUESS HUMMING)
MIKE: What the (BLEEP)
Michael! What on earth
are you doing?
There's no pigeons
in the pigeon coop.
Not one!
Not one (BLEEP) pigeon.
Ugh, good riddance, right?
(CHUCKLES)
I'm sorry. I mean,
I'm sorry, but pigeons
are disgusting.
They're dirty, they're vile,
they're disease ridden.
Oh, and they're ugly
(GASPS)
How long have you been
standing there?
Did you hear what I said?
Because you heard it wrong.
Yeah.
It's, it's not what you think.
I was, um (LAUGHS)
Ah, I was joking!
It was a joke.
I knew you were there,
that's why I said it. (LAUGHS)
To be funny.
Okay, I didn't know
you were there. I just
(EXHALES) I wanted, um
The reason
I said those things,
those terrible things,
was I just, um,
wanted to hear 'em, yeah.
I wanted to hear
what they sound like
coming out of my mouth,
um, so that later(SCOFFS)
Okay, okay, okay. That doesn't
make any sense. Um
Okay, look, don't go making
this into something it's not.
I didn't mean you.
I meant them.
Not them, I don't mean them.
I'm not
-(DOOR OPENS)
-Making about
They're gone. The pigeons.
They're all gone.
Yeah, I don't get
why you ever had them
in the first place.
-They're disgusting.
-(GASPS)
-Asshole.
-What could it mean?
No one is sending messages
asking for help
by carrier
pigeons anymore?
It's kind of surprising that
anyone was sending messages
by carrier pigeon ever.
Hey, wait a minute.
Maybe no one's
sending messages
asking us to solve
their mysteries
because there's no more
mysteries to be solved.
We solved them all.
Guys, our work is done.
Turn in your tracksuits.
The Mike Tyson mystery team
is official disband.
-I never got a tracksuit.
-Me either.
Yung, it's time for you to
follow your own dreams
and go to college.
Dad, I'm already enrolled.
I've been taking classes
at night.
(BLEEPS) A.
Get that knowledge, girl.
Get that knowledge.
That's where you go, class?
You know, I always thought
you were one of those
good girls by day,
bad girls by night types.
You know,
like that movie Angel.
-What?
-You never saw Angel?
Come on, there were like
three of 'em.
Early days of cable,
they showed it all the time.
You'd keep watching
hoping to catch
a little tit action
and you couldn't rewind.
Yeah, they didn't have
rewind back then
so you had to watch
the (BLEEP) thing again.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Nothin'?
You never saw Angel?
(BLEEP)
When the (BLEEP)
were you born?
-Oh, my God, 1998.
I am so much older than you.
As a token of my gratitude
for all of your hard work
as a Mike Tyson
Mystery Team member,
please enjoy
this margarita machine.
Oh, okay.
Marquess, you came from
beyond the grave
to save me from myself,
and to give back to others
by solving mysteries.
I have done that.
I never said solve mysteries.
Now you should go and save
another heavyweight champion
from himself.
-Michael, I think
-I suggest Larry Holmes.
-Michael
-Please, Marquess.
Sometimes I worry about
Larry Holmes.
Oh, my God.
Ah, take the
margarita machine, Marquess.
Ugh.
YUNG: Hmm.
Why do you have so many
margarita machines?
Well, when you're a celebrity,
people just send (BLEEP)
over to you, you know.
I got tons of 'em. Here.
Well, thank you for this
incredibly personal
and thoughtful gift, Mike.
Dad, where're you going?
I don't know.
Damn.
What am I going to do now?
Maybe I should just
lay down and die.
I've done all I could do
in this life.
(HORN BLARES)
It's my time.
The light. Go to the light.
Hey, wait a second.
That's pigeon shit.
Where're you going,
little guy?
My house is that way!
Snoop Dogg?
What up, Mike?
I didn't know you had
a house here, brother.
(BLEEP) Yeah, I got
a big (BLEEP) house
in St. Louis, too.
Let me show you my succulents.
Oh, no, no, thank you.
I'm into women.
I'm talkin' about
desert fauna, fool.
I got five kinds of aloes,
two types of burrow tails
and a (BLEEP) load
of blue agave to play off
the Moroccan blue of the pots.
Hey, Mike, would you mind
turnin' off the water?
Sure thing, brother.
See, many people think
you don't got to
water this shit.
But you do. See, that's the
(BLEEP) misconception.
Yeah, I thought you didn't
have to water that (BLEEP)
at all, my man.
For real? Well, now you know.
Now, I know.
So, what's going on?
Man, I think I saw a pigeon
fly to your house.
But I bet it was trying to
fly to my house.
I bet it got lost.
No, I don't think he got lost.
That's a pigeon coop?
SNOOP DOGG: As envisioned
by architect Frank Gehry.
Pigeons love it.
But they sometimes
have trouble
with those Gehry curves.
I didn't even know you was
into pigeons, man.
-(BLEEP)
-Oh, yeah.
They bring me messages
from people in need.
And helping them, you know,
it makes me feel good
about myself.
And it fills my life
with meaning.
-Hey, but that's mine.
-But I don't just do it alone.
I got a whole team.
A child prodigy scientist,
-a mountain lion
-(PURRS)
and my main man
Ross Matthews.
-Good to see you.
-Oh.
And we got a Russian military
helicopter
that takes us
where we want to go.
Aren't those expensive, man?
If you think 12 million
is expensive.
Yeah, I think it is.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm also in the process of
making an animated show
about my adventures
called Snoop Dogg's
Unsolved Situations.
You're gonna have a cartoon
made out of you.
I always wanted to have
a cartoon out of me.
Personally, I don't care
for cartoons.
But I let my
business manager
Deezy, he handles
all of that kind of (BLEEP)
(BLEEP) Deezy.
Hey, help, I'm in peril.
Snoopy, help, I'm in peril.
Oh, Snoop, I don't know
how I'm gonna say this,
but, man, solving mysteries
is kinda like, um,
you know, my thing.
That's cool.
I hear you, but
I solve unsolved situations.
So that's totally different.
Mike, we're cool, right?
Yeah, uh, unsolved situations
is different than mysteries.
Yeah, uh, we're cool.
-We're cool, yeah, we're cool.
-Yoo-hoo, Snoopy!
-(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIR)
-We have a new
unsolved situation.
(CRYING)
Why'd you tell him
you're cool?
You're not cool.
You're crying.
(SOBBING) I'm not crying.
(STUTTERING)
My eyes are just sweatin'
a little bit, that's all.
(CONTINUES CRYING)
"I need your help.
Sincerizzle." Snoop Dogg?
Whoa, you know
what this means?
That "sincerely,"
not the best word
to add "izzle" to.
No, it means that we gotta get
the team back together.
I don't think it
has to mean that.
The sphere of influence
of the Han empire
opened up the Silk Road
-that connected China to
-Yung!
Where Yung Hee at?
-Dad?
-Come on, Yung.
We got us a mystery to solve.
Dad, I'm kind of
in the middle of
You're Yung Hee Tyson?
Oh, how come
you never say that?
You are famous.
Get out of here.
Go with your dad.
Go solve your mystery.
Asian Studies.
(BLEEP) Damn, Yung.
You are Asian.
You don't need to study it.
1999?
(CHUCKLES) You were
born in 1999?
(BLEEP) I'm so (BLEEP) old.
I'm sorry, I'm very confused.
He sent you to come here
and live with me
because he's worried about me?
And you say you are a ghost?
Um, yes. I mean, basically.
What do you mean "basically"?
What am I leavin' out?
(SIGHS) Nothing.
-Well, you tell Mike Tyson
-(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
Larry Holmes
is doing just fine.
And I think you should go
live with him,
-because I'm worried
about him.
-(HONKS)
Hey, Larry,
I need Marquess back!
I know you probably
need him to save you
from all of your problems,
but I need him more.
Well, I should
probably just
Get the (BLEEP) out of here.
Uh-huh.
Thanks for comin', Mike.
I got a big old (BLEEP)
mystery on my hands.
Is it who ripped up
all your succulents?
'Cause that was me.
I did it after I left
your house.
You said was I cool?
And I should have
told you the truth.
I was not cool.
But now I'm cool again
'cause I'm back doin' what
I was put on this Earth to do.
So what's the big
(BLEEP) mystery?
I can't find Chin.
Who the (BLEEP) is Chin?
My little
child prodigy scientist.
Where was the last place
you saw him?
He was chillin'
with the mountain lion.
Hmm. Well, then, let's go see
that mountain lion.
Shit, you're good at this.
This is his room.
Yo, mountain lion. It's Snoop.
I'm comin' in.
(ALL EXCLAIM)
You guys, what is going on?
-Mountain lion ate Chin.
-Ah!
-(GUNSHOT FIRED)
-(ALL EXCLAIM)
(THUDS)
Shame, noble creature.
But once they get a taste
for human flesh, you gotta
put 'em down.
Okay, I'm sorry,
this is crazy!
-Lose my number, bitches!
-(DOOR CLOSES)
Well, it looks like
I've lost my team.
Mike, are you cool if I start
sending unsolved situations
your way from now on?
Yeah, I'm cool with that.
For real, though? 'Cause last
time you said that,
-you were not cool.
-Yeah, for real.
You also cool with contacting
Chin's parents?
Man, you had a mountain lion?
I had a mountain lion.
Sierra, yes.