Minx (2022) s02e07 Episode Script

God Closes a Door, Opens a Glory Hole

[JOYCE] Oh, my God,
you're proposing to Tina?
There's a whisper campaign
that a good number of our
readers are homosexuals.
A bathhouse more men
than we know what to do with.
I don't see how this slots
into a women's magazine.
But we need to be friends.
- No more you know.
- I love friends.
Friends are the family you choose,
and you don't have sex with family.
[SHELLY] Let me introduce
you to my new friend Doreen.
- Professor Merim.
- Wait, you're Professor Merim?
Oh, God.
You brought Constance in.
You pitched her the global vision.
- And you should run the thing.
- Ah.
I'm going to be running the entire
Minx International Division.
Hey, why didn't you tell
me about Minx International?
Constance made me promise
not to tell anybody.
Well, I'm not anybody, okay?
Would you mind signing this for me?
I can't live like this, Ma!
Yeah, run away, you little shit.
Just like your father.
Where do you think you're going?
Are you going to that hussy's house?
You make me sick.
[RICHIE] Three four, five
six fuck!
How are there so many?
Why did we do a car issue?
Maybe it was an accident.
It doesn't matter.
It was vehicular manslaughter.
Ugh, we got him with his dick
draped over the murder weapon.
I don't know, these just don't look
like the eyes of a mom-slaughterer.
[RICHIE] How are we
supposed to fill these?
Our print deadline's at midnight.
Maybe Joyce has a fix.
Oh, wait, she's at that thing
in the woods with Tina and Constance.
No phones.
Should we call
[LEE] Selling yesterday's dreams ♪
Wrapped in tomorrow's paper ♪
[SIGHS] I've been
thinking about Dad lately.
Doug Renetti.
[LEE] It's a cold ♪
Hard ♪
World, love ♪
These are cold, hard times ♪
[JOYCE] In the moment, they seemed like
adjustments, you know,
just small compromises,
but then when I saw
that Rolling Stone cover,
I realized I've been heading in
a direction I never intended
- Going the wrong way.
- [JOYCE] Exactly.
What would I do without you? [CHUCKLES]
Die of dehydration at
the bottom of a ravine?
Anyway, all that to say
that I know I've been a
little hard to pin down lately,
but I'm rededicating
myself to the cause.
You have my complete focus on
launching Minx International.
You know, I think if we get
the right editors in place,
we could really change the world.
I just want to see the world.
I'm gonna move to Paris,
show my mom porn really does pay.
How'd it go with Doug?
What, when I told him
about Minx International?
Good. He was happy for me.
Kinda mad I didn't tell him sooner.
Well, I'm thrilled.
You know, I just
I never should've promised him the job
before checking with Constance.
That was I just got
ahead of myself there.
It was my mistake.
Well, I mean, how would you have known
she'd already offered it to me?
And Doug's totally on board.
A win for me is a win for us.
Uh, this really is quite, uh
are we really gonna ask everybody
to tramp through the woods like this?
Constance said the interview
begins the moment they arrive.
It's how we see the whole woman.
Ah, my rancheritas.
Just coming to check on your progress.
We got a long, long climb ahead of us.
Chip, chop! Hey!
- Okay, we should
- Okay.
- We should hustle.
- Yep.
[JOYCE] Your property is
breathtaking, Constance.
It's so kind of you to host.
Rancho Peregrino is
where Yorgi and I made
all our important decisions.
Little hacienda up in the clouds,
far from the clack and clang.
Could we have driven up here?
Oh, sure, but then you wouldn't
have had the whole experience.

Oh, come on. One
murder? This is nothing.
Yeah, but if we miss our deadline,
something bad with numbers
happens that only Tina understands.
We don't need Tina or Joyce.
The three of us used to put
out issues in a tight 45.
That is vintage Bottom Dollar, right?
So what do we gotta do, fill 12 pages?
Richie, what do we got to pull up?
Shelly's still recovering
from her trip back east.
Maybe Bella can swoop
in and save the day.
LaRouche. I love it. A
couple ads for Minx merch.
Maybe throw in a retrospective,
replay some of our centerfolds
Over my dead body.
[DOUG] Hey, there are no bad ideas.
Yes, there are.
Okay, well, what do you got?
I mean, we just did a double issue.
Every idea went
God closes a door, opens a glory hole.
The bathhouse. Set already exists.
We can book the models on-site,
shoot a half dozen setups.
- In and out, four hours max.
- And everyone gets a schvitz.
This is what I'm talking about.
Great. Bambi, activate the phone tree.
Emerald Springs in Silver Lake.
- On it.
- And I'll call and I'll make 'em an offer so big
that it'll dick-slap the "no"
right out of their mouths.
D-don't say that, though.
[JOYCE SIGHS] Goose bumps, you know?
All these women from
every corner of the globe
here to spread our
message to the masses.
Okay, uh, where should we start?
Mission statements, bios
Constance had something a bit
more unconventional in mind.
Super. [LAUGHS]
I'm all ears.
Bienvenidas. Willkommen. Welcome.
We are so eager to get to
know you over a lovely meal.
Please open your baskets.
Is this an earring?
I know you may have been expecting ham
or peanut butter and jelly,
but everything you need to improvise
a beautiful woodland
feast is right before you.
Bon appétit.
Um, are you sure they're
gonna go for this?
These girls are hungry for a shot
at running their own magazine,
just like you used to be.
Yeah. Yeah.
I guess I would've eaten bugs for that.
There is normal food
for us, though, right?
Hey, Bambs, has somebody
been using my office?
Yeah, Constance set up shop
while you were out with
your sleeping sickness.
Owner's name is Walt. Give him the moon.
You got it.
Hi, Daniel. We're going to the baths.
No, for work.
Rex murdered his mom allegedly.
[WALT] Emerald Springs. Walt speaking.
Hey, Walt, this is Doug
Renetti over at Minx magazine.
We're in a bit of a pickle,
and I-I think you're just the guy
who can get us out of the jar.
[WALT] What can I do
for you, Mr. Renetti?
I'm s-I'm sorry, can you
hold for just one moment?
- [WALT] Of course.
Thank you.
[JOYCE] So this is all a metaphor
for the-the trials of
the editorial process.
No, it's not a metaphor for anything.
It's to see if they can
make lunch in the woods.
You know, delegation,
communication, coalition building.
That is an obvious
disqualification. She's cheating.
[CONSTANCE] Or she just came prepared.
I'd kill for a BLT.
Of course, as we move into Europe,
I'd love to explore each
region's feminist forbears.
You know, your Hildegard of Bingens
oh, how could I forget
Argula von Grumbach
[LIESL] Shh!
- Oh!
- You caught something!
I wonder what
Was rabbit.
What an illuminating session.
[TINA] Mm-hmm.
I just, uh, have some questions
about, uh I don't know, anything
related to actually
editing a magazine.
Um, Tina, you must have a few questions
about their basic math skills?
Sure, I could ask them a
question or two about budgets.
That's a death cap, love.
- See, I like her.
- Me too.
She gave me half her sandwich
and a recommendation letter
from Princess Margaret.
Come on, we have 24
incredible women here.
We want to make sure we're
choosing the right ones.
And we're down to 20.
Three quit. One is unaccounted for.
- Uh
- Oh, don't worry.
We gave them whistles.
[RICHIE] Oh, thank you
so much for doing this.
Are you kidding? The boys love Minx.
Most of them flipped when I
told them you were on your way.
- Word travels fast.
All right.
Anyone willing to show their face
and pecker to the world,
follow me to the pool.
And for those who want to
keep their privates private,
we have snacks and
poppers in the lounge.
Is this where people have sex?
It's a locker room. So yes.
Oh, fun. [LAUGHS]
[RICHIE] Ah, thanks for hustling in
last-minute, Shelly, honestly.
Now, I know you have your
hands full at the moment,
but I need to read what you
have as soon as you finish.
I've never written on a deadline before.
I'm not sure if I can bang it out.
Well, I'm already adopting the lingo.
- Whatever. We're desperate.
- Oh.
Come on, boys. Paradise awaits.
[WHISPERING] I need to talk to you.
Connie is a butcher, Tins.
She's just being nice to our faces.
She's just fattening us
up so she can unload us.
Can't you see that?
Look. Look at what I got.
If you don't believe me, look.
She left this in my office.
It's just a bunch of numbers with
is that the word "closure"?
Disclosure. It has to be disclosure.
And that's what you need
to file in order to sell.
She is going to fuck us.
Okay. Say it's true.
Why would Constance leave
that in your trash can?
Because there's nothing we can do.
The deal's already over.
So flying in a bunch of up-and-comers,
hosting them in her home,
right before she sells the company?
Look, I can tell you're not
taking me seriously, Tins,
but there is something
fishy with this woman,
and you have to help me stop her.
You been drinking with your bird again?
Well, that doesn't prove anything.
- You're grasping at straws.
- It does
- [CONSTANCE] Yoo-hoo!
I found these in the
garret, and I think that
Douglas, I didn't realize
you'd be joining us.
Oh, no, I-I forgot my toiletry bag,
and he just brought it.
Now he's leaving.
- You got everything you need?
- I do.
- Okay. Sorry to interrupt.
- Thanks, babe.
I'll let you guys get back to it.
- Okay.
- Bye.
Um, just over hi.
- Oh! Excuse me greatly.
That's a lot of business.
Ope, four's company. [LAUGHS]
Mary, you look lost.
Is there a place I
could do a little typing,
you know, undisturbed?
Oh, you're with the magazine.
- I got just the spot.
- Okay.
You should come back on
Thursday for ladies' night.
Bring your girlfriend.
Oh, um, I don't have a girlfriend.
You and me both.
Chris Isherwood comes once a week,
mostly for sex, but he's
always inspired after.
You might want to take
a walk every 15 minutes,
- get some fresh air.
- Okay, great. Thank you.
Hey, hey, no touching. [CLAPS]
Can you all just Bambi?
- Here to do my job.
- [RICHIE] Can you tell the guys
to keep their hands to themselves?
We gotta leave room for imagination.
Sex negative. Got it.
Hey, why am I still seeing shadows?
Because this was a last-minute shoot
and I'm not a magician.
Fine, I'll get another light.
Hi. Everything's on schedule.
Should be out of your hair in no time.
Hey, no touching!
Yeah, you're, uh, really
doing a number on this place.
You know, I only said yes
to the huckster on the phone
because I thought with one of us
behind the camera,
we'd be in good hands.
No, you are.
I've been prepping this for months.
If all you wanted was tubs and tiles,
you could've just shot at the YMCA.
I wanted to bring people to the baths,
but Minx readers have an expectation.
We have to maintain a certain look.
- A house style.
- As-as do we.
Um, and I thought you
were here to capture that.
Mm, you're the expert.
[DOUG] Psst. Prigger. Prigger.
Doug. What are you doing here?
[WHISPERING] Something is brewing.
We're all in danger.
- Danger from what?
- From Constance.
She's stripping Bottom Dollar for parts.
We're on the block.
You need to help me stop her
before it's too late, okay?
Okay, Doug, that's
that's not what's
That's what's happening. Please.
Okay. Just hang on.
Thank you.
I know that you've had
some disappointment,
and a certain amount of
that is my responsibility
This is not about you. Can't
you see what's happening?
She's taking control.
She's boxing us out.
Yeah, it's her company.
But it-but it's still my magazine.
And she's taking it places that
I never even dreamed possible.
And yeah, okay, maybe
she doesn't need you
holding her hand anymore,
but that doesn't mean
that you're not wanted,
that you're not essential.
So she got to you too, huh?
Okay, Doug, I think you
should do yourself a favor.
Um, we're in a beautiful place.
Why don't you go for a walk
and take in the mountain air, you know?
Ah, for fuck's sake.

"going all the way back
to those hazy childhood fixations,
the dolls again."
Ugh, Siggy Freud over here.
"The memory became a siren's call,
a melody Bella couldn't" no.
"Desire is an iceberg." No.
"With each crunch of
the yellowing leaves,
Bella could smell something different."
Hmm. I'll allow it.
I think I might head out.
[MICK] Come on, you're no fun.
Mick, please.
The humidity is starting
to fritz our gear.
We have ten minutes max.
Just keep wiping it down, okay? We'll
- Hey, boys, come on.
- We're about to shoot.
- Yeah, me too.
Hey, um, are you sure
this is what you want?
No. No, none of it is.
I just I need
Go for a schvitz. You've earned it.
You don't need me to stay and help?
No, no, no, you've been great.
Thank you.
Minx, out. Models only.
[CREW MEMBER] All right.
- All right.
I don't understand why
we shy away from reality.
As beauty editor at Vogue UK,
I know women have to look a certain way
to trick men into opening the doors
we haven't yet smashed ourselves.
I've always found charm
more effective than a hammer.
We identified several
corporate partners
Estée Lauder, Burberry, Dr. Thinsmore
that can give women the tools they need
to transform themselves with style.
- Don't forget the free samples.
- Love free samples.
I have a couple questions
about Dr. Thinsmore
[CHUCKLES] though.
[RICHIE] Okay, let's
try something different.
All right, you two.
Yeah, perfect. Exactly. Keep that.
Keep that. Love.
- Hey, I like this little moment here.
- [ELYSE] I could never make it in your house ♪
[RICHIE] Oh, great. This
feels really natural.
- Okay, give me your profile.
Give me a smiley one.
Yeah, that's beautiful! I love that.
[ELYSE] Highborn in another time ♪
Yeah. Okay, look at me.
- [ELYSE] Just like a circle around the sun ♪
- [RICHIE] Oh, I love you two together.
Can you look over there, please?

You know, I actually spent the winters
with my Grandpa Heinrich in Argentina.
So if you decide to
conquer the Southern Cone,
hablo español también.
Was he born there, or did he hide
The past should stay in the past.
- Ah, see, the spirits concur.
[SINGER] Take a look at the world ♪
What the world is today ♪
Man can't even open his mouth ♪
To see what he wanna say ♪
Take a look at this world ♪
What this world is today ♪
People are part of the dirtiest spot ♪
While the poor man has to pay ♪
Just take a look at this world ♪
And you've got to get stronger ♪
'Cause the things that
are happening to you and me ♪
Just can't go on too much longer ♪

Could you grab another log?
Nothing bigger than your arm.
[JOYCE] Sure.
Quite the system you have. [LAUGHS]
My nightly tradition with Yorgi.
you know, I'm-I'm glad that,
uh, we've got a moment out here,
just the two of us, because, um
Because you have some
concerns about the girls.
I just want to make sure
that we are on the same page
about the kind of women
that we're choosing.
Well, it's a process, Joyce,
and there's bound to be disagreements.
Minx is a publication that
has a real point of view.
Politics, culture, sexuality.
So why are we grasping
at low-hanging fruit?
We need to hire women who
stay true to our values
as well as to their own.
Let-let's hire people that have
something meaningful to say.
You know, one of my
favorite things about you
is that you always tell
people exactly how you feel.
Put together a dream
list, and I promise you,
I will take it under
serious consideration.
Oh, thank you, Constance.
That is such a relief.
Thank you.
- [CONSTANCE] Do the honors.
- All right.
[SINGER] Waiting
for the rain to come ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beautiful.
Can you get closer together?
Hey, hey, no running by the pool!
[WALT] You can't go in there!
God, not again.
- Wh-what's happening?
- Cops. Hide!
- [OFFICER] Stay where you are!
- [PATRON] Hurry, hurry, hurry!
[OFFICER] Hey, hey.
Hey, you. Stop running.
What's going on?
Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry!
[OFFICER] Stop running! Stop running!
[OFFICER] Got a runner over here!
[SHELLY] Gotta oh.
[PATRON] I didn't fucking do anything!
[OFFICER] Put your
hands behind your back!
[PATRON] Hey, hey, stop. Stop.
Um oh!
Come on in. Vapor's fine.
The cops are here!
Yeah, I guess pigs need a bath too.
But what are they doing? I mean, it's
it's not like anyone's breaking the law.
Just put the wedge under the door.
You'll be fine.
- [DOUG] It's real.
[TINA] What are you talking about?
All the proof we need.
The proof that you asked for. It's real.
Did you steal that from Constance?
[DOUG] She doesn't lock her doors.
- Her casa is mi casa.
- Okay.
- That's not what that means.
- [DOUG] Just look.
She dissolved Bottom
Dollar. We're history.
She's forming a new company.
Well, maybe Bottom Dollar's
outlived its usefulness.
Tins, the-the bones of
what we built are gone
without even a fucking funeral.
I don't understand, how is
it so easy for you to let go
of everything we built together?
It wasn't really together, was it?
You didn't promote me for over a decade
while I helped build your company.
Because you were my partner!
Why can't you be happy for me?
So you're choosing
Constance over me, huh?
I'm choosing me over you.
[SHELLY] Okay, is that really necessary?
I'm just trying to relax. I
haven't had the greatest day.
Really? When I peeked in the shoot,
you seemed to be doing your Bambi thing.
That was just an act.
I mean, I've been grasping
at something for months.
I just don't know what.
When I first stepped into
Bottom Dollar, I mean,
it was magic.
It was like a spark.
No matter what I did, it
never felt like a job, but
today just felt like work.
Well, get in line, missy.
I wasn't even supposed to be here today.
I specifically requested
time off this month
because fiction seems a little trite
when you're, I don't know,
questioning your entire life,
but then Richie dragged me here,
and now I'm rushing to write a story
I don't even know how to tell yet.
Go on.
- What are you doing?
- I'm just trying to help.
- No, no, no.
You're doing the you're doing
that thing that you do to me.
What thing?
That thing where you take my picture,
and all of a sudden, I'm spending
a week in Poughkeepsie,
lying to Lenny about a
last-minute invitation
to an erotica conference
in Saratoga Springs.
How is that my fault?
You unleashed something in me!
I didn't ask for any of this.
Shelly, you're not powerless.
No one's making you do anything.
Okay. Isn't that enough?
Yes, it is.
You called all the shots
in our relationship.
Then you're the one who said
you wanted to be friends,
and then you totally pulled away.
That's not I didn't
I just tried to confide in
you, and you didn't even see it.
You just see the Bambi
that you invented.
Everyone does that to me.
I'm sorry.
I'm done pretending.
Me too.
[OFFICER] Back the fuck
up before I beat your ass.
[PATRON] Vito!
[WALT] No! Get away!
Let go! Let go!
Come on! There's a side door.
We can make a run for it.

[JENNIFER] Somewhere ♪
Inside something ♪
There is a rush of ♪
Greatness, who knows
what stands in front of ♪
Our lives I fashion my future ♪
On films in space ♪
Silence tells me secretly ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
Let the sunshine in ♪
The sunshine in ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
[LENNY] "I know these words
may rattle some, but
'lesbian' sets me loose.
A boat untethered,
To thine own self, Bella, be true."
[JENNIFER] Let the sunshine ♪
Let the sunshine in ♪
The sunshine in ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
Let the sunshine in ♪
The sunshine in ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
Let the sunshine in ♪
The sunshine in ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
Let the sunshine in ♪
The sunshine in ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
Let the sunshine in ♪
The sunshine in ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
Let the sunshine in ♪
The sunshine in ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
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