My Wife and Kids (2001) s01e11 Episode Script
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
1 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I JUST FINISHED YOUR QUARTERLY TAXES, MIKE.
YOUR BUSINESS IS IN GREAT SHAPE.
I'LL TELL YOU, ONE MORE YEAR LIKE THIS, YOU CAN RETIRE.
KNOCK WOOD.
I REMEMBER WHEN THERE WAS A WHOLE LOT MORE HAIR ON THAT WOOD.
YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW LENNY KRAVITZ, MY FRIEND.
LOOK, ARE YOU STILL WORKING LIKE A DOG, OR ARE YOU GONNA GE A LIFE? NO, MAN, I GOT A LIFE.
I ACTUALLY SEE LIGH AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
YOU KNOW, YOU WORK AS HARD AS I DO, 24/7, I FINALLY DECIDED I'M GOING TO PACK IT UP AND GO AROUND THE WORLD.
GET OUTTA HERE.
YEAH, MAN.
GOT A 22-YEAR-OLD GIRLFRIEND AND A NEW BOAT.
WOW.
22? WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS BOAT-- THE S.
S.
VIAGRA? WELL, LET ME BE THE FIRS TO CONGRATULATE YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOTTA TELL YA, I'VE NEVER FEL SO ALIVE.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'RE JUST ABOUT FINISHED HERE.
WHAT SAY WE GO AHEAD AND GET A BEER? OH, NO, I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE A RAINCHECK.
I WANNA GET HOME TO THE WIFE AND KIDS.
ONE BEER'S NOT GONNA KILL YA.
MMM HEY, BABY.
OH, THANK GOD YOU'RE HOME.
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT TOM.
WHY ARE YOU SORRY FOR TOM? HE'S TRAVELING AROUND THE WORLD WITH A 22-YEAR-OLD GIRLFRIEND.
I FEEL SORRY FOR HIS CHIROPRACTOR.
HE TOLD ME HE NEVER FEL SO ALIVE BEFORE.
THAT'S GOOD, BECAUSE HE'S DEAD.
DEAD? WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? BABYHIS ASSISTAN JUST CALLED.
APPARENTLY 5 MINUTES AFTER YOU LEFT, TOM WENT OU FOR LUNCH.
HE GOT RUN OVER BY A CAB.
HE WAS KILLED INSTANTLY.
BY A CAB? IT'S HARD FOR BROTHERS TO CATCH CABS IN NEW YORK.
I KNOW, MICHAEL.
I KNOW.
THIS IS SO WEIRD.
YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST WITH HIM.
HE INVITED ME TO GO OUT FOR A BEER.
HE TOLD ME IT WOULDN'T KILL ME.
YEAH, WELL, IT CERTAINLY KILLED HIM.
JAY, THIS IS FREAKY, YOU KNOW? IT'S LIKE I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE DEAD, TOO.
I WAS THIS CLOSE TO GOIN' WITH HIM.
THANK GOD YOU DIDN'T.
I KNOW.
I MEAN, IT'S SO SAD.
IT'S LIKE HE HAD HALF HIS LIFE AND HER WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF HIM.
BABY I'M GLAD I CAME HOME TO YOU.
THIS REALLY MAKES ME APPRECIATE WHAT I HAVE.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
NO, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LOVE YOU.
BABY, I REALLY, REALLY LOVE YOU, TOO.
NO, I TOTALLY WITHOUT A DOUBT I SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICALLY DON KING CAN'T COME UP WITH THE WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.
I--I GET IT.
I GET IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? FROM NOW ON I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, YOU AND THE KIDS.
YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT'S OVER.
I LOVE YOU, BABY.
COME HERE.
OH, BABY.
OH, BABY, I GOTTA GO MAKE DINNER.
OKAY, I'M-A COME WITH YOU.
OKAY.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Michael: BABY, I'M HOME! HEY! HEY.
HEY, LOVE OF MY LIFE.
HOW ARE YOU? THANK YOU FOR ALL THE FLOWERS.
NO, NO, NO.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU WITH ACTION, WITH FLOWERS.
BUT, BABY, THERE'S SO MANY OF 'EM, YOU KNOW? HEY, I DIDN'T WANNA SAY, "I LOVE YOU A LITTLE.
" I WANTED TO SAY, "I LO-O-OVE YOU.
" OKAY.
HEY, WHERE ARE THE KIDS AT? UM, HONEY, IT'S 3:15.
THEY GET OUT OF SCHOOL AT 3:10.
WELL, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE THEM TO WALK HOME FROM SCHOOL? I DON'T KNOW, MICHAEL.
5, 10 MINUTES.
WHATSOMETHING HAPPENED TO 'EM.
I FEEL IT.
I FEEL IT RIGHT HERE.
THEY GOT HIT BY A CAB, I KNOW IT.
CALM DOWN, OKAY? THEY'LL BE HOME ANY MINUTE.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
JUST--I JUST WISH THEY WOULD COME HOME.
OH, MY GOD.
THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.
UNH! I HAVEN'T HELD YOU LIKE THIS SINCE YOU WERE 5.
AND LOOK AT THIS.
THIS FACE JUST GETS PRETTIER AND PRETTIER EACH DAY.
[GIGGLES.]
THAT'S TRUE.
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST KIDS ON THE PLANET EARTH.
DADDY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON? NOTHIN'.
YOU KNOW, I JUST REALIZED THAT I DON'T SHOW YOU I LOVE YOU ENOUGH.
HERE.
I WANT YOU TO TAKE SOME MONEY.
YOU GO BUY YOURSELF SOME NICE DRESSES, GET SOME MAKEUP OR SOMETHING.
JUST HAVE FUN.
JUST ENJOY LIFE.
AND YOU, I WANT YOU TO GO OU AND GET YOURSELF, I DON'T KNOW, SOME FAST FOOD, SOME RAP MUSIC, AND GET YOURSELF A PLAYBOY.
THANKS, DAD.
GOOD.
GO ON.
YEAH.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
DON'T EVER WALK AWAY FROM ME WITHOUT SAYING "I LOVE YOU" ANYMORE, BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN.
COME ON, SAY, "I LOVE YOU.
" Both, mumbling: I LOVE YOU.
NO, NO.
I WANT EYE CONTACT.
LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND SAY, "I LOVE YOU.
" I LOVE YOU.
HELLO.
I LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU, TOO.
HEY, NO.
JUMP IN MY ARMS AGAIN.
COME ON.
HA HA HA HA! COULD I HAVE THE COMICS, PLEASE? SURE.
MM.
I'M TAKIN' THE FASHION SECTION.
JUNIOR, YOU WAN THE SPORTS SECTION? I'M GOOD WITH THE CEREAL BOX.
CLAIRE, WILL YOU READ ME SNOOPY? I'M READING AN ARTICLE.
ASK JUNIOR.
JUNIOR, WILL YOU READ ME SNOOPY? I'M BUSY.
WOW.
I'M GONNA HAVE ONE HEALTHY COLON.
I'LL READ IT FOR YOU, HONEY.
MORNING.
HI.
YOU WANT SOME COFFEE? I'D LOVE SOME.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
YOU KNOW, EVEN THE CRUS IN YOUR EYE SPARKLES.
THANK YOU.
HEY.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
HEY.
LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU, TOO.
HEY.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
OKAY.
LET'S SEE WHAT'S GOIN' ON IN THE WORLD TODAY.
OH, MY GOD.
LOOK HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED IN NEW YORK CITY YESTERDAY.
52 PEOPLE.
OH, AND LOOK, JUNIOR.
HERE GOES SOMEONE YOUR AGE.
THIS IS SENSELESS.
THIS IS JUST SENSELESS.
HOW DID HE DIE? SOMEONE BEAT HIM SENSELESS.
OH, AND LOOKIT HERE.
92-YEAR-OLD WOMAN, ELOISE MATHESON, TRAVELED AROUND THE WORLD FOUR TIMES, WENT UP IN A HOT-AIR BALLOON, MET MOTHER TERESA, BURIED FOUR HUSBANDS.
WOW, THAT'S A FULL LIFE.
OH, AND HERE'S MY FRIEND TOM.
"TOM MILLER, ACCOUNTANT.
42, DEAD.
" THAT'S ALL IT SAYS? THAT REPRESENTS HIS WHOLE LIFE? I DON'T WANNA GO OU LIKE THAT.
I WANNA BE LIKE ELOISE.
I WANNA BURY FOUR HUSBANDS.
BABY.
BABY, IT'S BREAKFAST TIME WITH THE CHILDREN.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, NOT DEATH, DEATH, DEATH? NO, NO, I'M NO INTERESTED IN DEATH.
I'M INTERESTED IN LIFE WITH A CAPITAL "L.
" FROM NOW ON, I'M GONNA LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST.
THIS IS A 1959 INDIAN CHIEF WITH ORIGINAL SIDECAR.
I'M GONNA TAKE ALL THE LEATHER SEATS OFF AND FIX 'EM UP, AND THEN WE'RE GONNA GO AROUND THE WORLD.
HEY.
COOL.
ALL RIGHT.
EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, CAPTAIN AMERICA? YEAH.
HOW ARE ALL FOUR OF US GONNA FIT IN THE SIDECAR? WE DON'T HAVE TO.
COME HERE AND LOOK ACROSS THE STREET.
[GASPS.]
HUH? OH, MY GOD.
WHAT IS THAT? IT'S AN RV, A 39-FOO BLUEBIRD WONDER LODGE.
IT'S LIKE AN APARTMEN ON WHEELS.
THIS IS GREAT.
WE'RE GONNA PULL THE MOTORCYCLE BEHIND US, AND WE'LL TAKE I WHEREVER WE'RE GOIN'.
I DON'T EVER WANNA BE AWAY FROM MY FAMILY AGAIN.
EVEN WHEN WE GO POTTY? EXCEPT THEN.
OKAY.
WHO DID WHAT? IT'S NOT US.
IT'S DAD.
WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT HIM.
HE'S CRAZY.
YEAH, MOM.
LIKE THIS MORNING.
HE SAID, THANKS TO HIS WORKOUT, HIS BUTT CHEEKS ARE SO STRONG, HE COULD CRACK WALNUTS.
AND? HE DID.
WANT ONE? AND THIS MORNING, HE WOKE ME UP AT 6:00 SO WE CAN GO LIE ON THE GRASS AND WATCH THE SUNRISE.
WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH THAT? THE SPRINKLERS WERE ON.
MOM, I THINK HE'S LOSIN' IT.
YOU GUYS, YOUR FATHER WEN TO THE FUNERAL YESTERDAY, AND HE HASN'T CRIED YET.
HE HASN'T GOTTEN HIS GRIEF OUT, SO HE'S GONNA BE ACTING A LITTLE STRANGE FOR A WHILE, BUT IN TIME, THINGS WILL GE BACK TO NORMAL, YOU'LL SEE.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, GUYS.
HI, HI, HI.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
AAAAAH! WHAT DO YOU THINK? GO GET YOUR SISTER.
GO GET YOUR SISTER.
UH BABY-- WAIT, WAIT.
I GOT HAIR IN MY EYE.
PFFT.
BABY, YOU--YOU WANNA EXPLAIN THAT TO ME? I FEEL 35 YEARS YOUNGER.
I FEEL LIKE AN EMBRYO.
IT'S AMAZING.
YOU KNOW, IT'S KINDA LIKE LIKE BILLY DEE.
I FEEL LIKE HIM IN--IN MAHOGANY WHEN HE SAYS [IMITATING BILLY DEE WILLIAMS.]
"SUCCESS IS NOTHING WITHOUT SOMEONE YOU LOVE TO SHARE IT WITH.
" I WAS THINKIN' MORE TODD BRIDGES, DIFF'RENT STROKES-ISH, BUT THAT'S JUST ME.
HEY, LISTEN TO THIS.
THE GUY DOWN AT HAIRCULES-- THAT'S WHERE I GOT THIS, FROM HAIRCULES FOR MEN-- MR.
'CULES HIMSELF SAID HE WANTS TO TAKE A PICTURE OF ME AND PUT IT IN THE BROCHURE BETWEEN WILLIAM SHATNER AND STEVE HARVEY.
MICHAEL, HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY THOUGH AS TO WHY YOU'RE DOIN' THIS? I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
OKAY.
BECAUSE I WEN TO TOM'S FUNERAL AND I LOOKED AT HIM IN THE CASKET, AND HE LOOKED HORRIBLE.
THAT'S BECAUSE HE WAS DEAD.
NO.
HE WAS BALD AND DEAD, AND THAT'S A BAD COMBINATION.
AND I STARTED THINKING, YOU KNOW WHAT? IF HE HAD HAIR, MAYBE THE CAB WOULD HAVE SAW HIM.
IT MIGHT HAVE CUSHIONED THE FALL, YOU KNOW, WHEN HE FELL, POOF, AND THE HAIR JUST POPPED BACK UP.
BABE, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA WEAR THAT, THOUGH? YES, YES, BECAUSE UNLIKE TOM, I'M GONNA DO EVERYTHING THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, AND RIGHT NOW, HAIR MAKES ME FEEL WONDERFUL.
OKAY.
OKAY, I UNDERSTAND, AND I SUPPORT YOU.
GOOD, 'CAUSE I'M ALSO GONNA SELL THE BUSINESS.
WHAT? MICHAEL! HAVE YOU BEEN INHALING THE GLUE FROM THAT WIG? WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, SELL THE BUSINESS? I WANNA SPEND MORE TIME WITH MY FAMILY.
AND, BABY, IT'S NOT A WIG, IT'S A HAIRPIECE.
WHAT ABOUT MONEY, MICHAEL? AND IT IS A WIG, BECAUSE A HAIRPIECE HAS TO ATTACH TO ANOTHER PIECE OF HAIR.
WE DON'T NEED ANY MORE MONEY.
YOU HAVE A JOB.
AND WE DON'T NEED MATERIAL THINGS.
WE HAVE EACH OTHER.
AND ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE HAIRCULES SAYS IT'S A HAIRPIECE.
OH, FOR GOD SAKES, MICHAEL, IT'S A HAT.
THE ONLY THING MISSIN' IS A BRIM AND A CHIN STRAP.
LOOKPLEASE.
I WANT YOU TO THINK LONG AND HARD ABOUT THIS BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY MOVES TO SELL ANYTHING.
MICHAEL, I JUST THINK YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE IRRATIONAL.
YOUR BUSINESS IS IMPORTANT TO YOU.
YOU BUILT I FROM THE GROUND UP.
YOU KNOW WHAT, JAY, I COULD BE PERFECTLY HAPPY IF I NEVER WORKED ANOTHER DAY IN MY LIFE.
WORK HAS CONSUMED ME, AND I'VE LOST TOUCH OF WHO I REALLY AM.
YOU KNOW JUST SAYING THAT I WANNA SELL I MAKES ME FEEL FREE? OKAY, LET ME JUST POIN THIS OUT TO YOU, OKAY? FEELINGS ARE ABOU THE ONLY THINGS IN THIS LIFE THAT ARE FREE.
OH, AND, MICHAEL, THINK ABOUT THIS, OKAY? WHAT YOU DO IS A BIG PAR OF WHO YOU ARE.
JAY.
JUST REMEMBERED WE'RE BOTH WRONG.
IT'S NOT A WIG OR A HAIRPIECE.
IT'S A HAIR REPLACEMEN SYSTEM.
HERE YOU GO, GUYS.
THANKS, MOM.
THANKS.
HEY, KIDS.
WE LOVE YOU.
WE LOVE YOU.
WE LOVE YOU.
LOOK, BABY I WAS JUST OUT THERE ON MY BIKE JUST RIDIN' AROUND, AND THE WIND WAS JUS HITTIN' ME IN MY FACE.
IT WAS AMAZING.
HONEY HUH? HONEY LISTEN, I WANNA TAKE YOU ON A RIDE.
YOU GOTTA COME OUT THERE.
YOU GOTTA EXPERIENCE THIS WIND.
MY G-- IT'S THE BIGGEST RUSH! MICHAEL, KISS ME.
THAT'S WHA I LIKE TO HEAR.
WELL, IF YOU CAN KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME FOR A MINUTE, I'M GONNA GO TAKE A SHOWER.
I GOTTA WASH MY HAIR.
I'M JUST SO SEXY WITH THIS THING.
[SNORTS, SNARLS.]
[IMITATES CAT GROWLING.]
TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AND LIGHT A CANDLE I'LL LIGHT A CANDLE IF YOU'LL LET ME HOLD I TO THAT THING ON YOUR HEAD.
HEY, LOOK, I THOUGH YOU SAID YOU LIKED IT.
LET ME PUT IT TO YOU THIS WAY.
IF YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THIS OFF, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE THAT WIG OFF.
IT'S A HAIRPIECE.
SAY "TAKE THE PIECE OFF.
" THE PIECE.
SAY--JUST SAY "THE PIECE.
" THE PIECE.
TAKE THE PIECE OFF.
OKAY, I'LL TAKE THE PIECE OFF.
OKAY, IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY, FREDDY.
I'LL SEE YA IN THE MORNING, ALL RIGHT? IT'S BETTER--IT'S BETTER WITH THE DO-RAG ON, 'CAUSE THEN IT GETS WAVY FOR THE MORNIN'.
I LIKE THEM LITTLE, YOU KNOW, LIKE MY BABY HAIR? 'CAUSE THIS COMES WITH BABY HAIR.
AND THAT'LL BE NICE AND, LIKE, REAL PRESSED-DOWN AND CURLY.
THEN THEY'LL NEVER KNOW I GOT A PIECE ON.
HERE I COME.
HERE COMES THE LOVER MAN.
THIS IS THE MAN I'VE BEEN WAITING TO SEE.
I MISSED YOU.
WAIT, WAIT.
WHAT IS THE MATTER? SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.
I FEEL--I FEEL NAKED.
INCOMPLETE.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDIN' ME.
NO, I NEED FREDDY.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU DO NOT NEED FREDDY.
I DO, BABY.
LISTEN, IT'S LIKE BATMAN NEEDED ROBIN AND POPEYE NEEDED SPINACH.
I NEED FREDDY.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
THAT IS ENOUGH.
DON'T YOU HURT HIM.
YOU LISTEN TO ME, MICHAEL KYLE.
I LOVE YOU-- I LOVE YOU, TOO.
I--SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK.
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, AND I KNOW HOW MUCH TOM'S DEATH HAS AFFECTED YOU, BUT, BABY, IT'S STARTIN' TO AFFECT THE WHOLE FAMILY.
THE KIDS ARE ALL HUGGED OUT, AND THERE'S MORE FLOWERS IN THIS HOUSE THAN THE ROSE PARADE FLOAT.
BABY, IT'S GREAT, IT'S EXCITING, IT'S WONDERFUL, BUT IT'S CRAZY, AND THIS, THIS RIGHT HERE--FREDDY-- FREDDY'S CRAZY.
LOOK, I KNOW IT SEEMS A LITTLE STRANGE, OKAY? BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, YOU KNOW? AND--AND, HEY YOU TWO WILL GE TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND YOU'LL BECOME GOOD FRIENDS.
DON'T EVER THINK THAT YOU'RE COMPETING FOR MY LOVE.
GOOD NIGHT.
[HIGH VOICE.]
GOOD NIGHT.
MICHAEL, ALL I'M SAYING HERE IS THAT THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG, AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT THA BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING YOU REGRET, SOMETHING WE ALL REGRET.
[DEEP VOICE.]
SAY WHAT? YOU THINK I'M PLAYING.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
I'M KIDDING.
LISTEN, BABY, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
WE WILL THINK ABOUT IT.
[SIGHS.]
[MUTTERS.]
MY GOD.
UH-UH-UH! UH-UH! UNH! UH-UH.
SO LET THEM SAY MY HAIR'S TOO LONG [NASALLY.]
I DON'T CARE, WITH YOU I CAN'T GO WRONG BABE, I GOT YOU, BABE [NASALLY.]
I GOT YOU, BABE [DOORBELL RINGS.]
[DING-DONG.]
HEY, BRUCIE.
HEY HAIRCULES, HUH? YOU BET! [LAUGHS.]
YOU'RE NO IN THE BROCHURE, THOUGH.
NO, SIR.
I SAW YOU, THOUGH.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
YEAH, THE FIRST TIME I EVER MADE A DELIVERY TO THE BOSS'S HOUSE.
WELL, COME ON IN.
HAVE A SEAT.
OH, I'D LOVE TO, BUT I-I'M SWAMPED.
I GOT A BIG DELIVERY.
BABY GRAND PIANO.
WHOA.
OH, THIRD-FLOOR WALKUP.
HOW YOU GONNA DO IT? YOU GONNA BLOCK AND TACKLE? OH, CAN'T.
BURGLAR BARS.
MM.
MM-MMM.
ACTUALLY, UH, I'M NOT SURE HOW I'M GONNA DO IT.
NICE TO SEE YOU, MR.
KYLE.
HEY, HEY, LISTEN, BRUCE, THERE'S NOTHIN' HAPPENIN' AROUND HERE.
YOU MIND IF I TAG ALONG? OH, WHOA.
OH, THAT WOULD BE LIKE THAT'D BE LIKE PLAYIN' HOOPS WITH LARRY BIRD.
HEY, ALL RIGHT, THEN.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
YEAH.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
HEY.
HEY.
MICHAEL, HAVE YOU BEEN CRYING? YEAH.
YOU KNOW I HAD THE MOS AMAZING DAY OF MY LIFE? LET ME SET THE SCENE FOR YOU.
BABY GRAND PIANO, SPIRAL STAIRCASE.
WE LAID THAT BABY ON ITS SIDE, WE TOOK THE LEGS OFF, WRAPPED I IN A FURNITURE PAD, AND WE DANCED IT UP THREE FLIGHTS.
IT WAS SPECTACULAR.
AND LOOK AT THIS.
GOT A $10 TIP.
AND THAT'S WHY YOU WERE CRYING? NO, I CRIED BECAUSE I REALIZED I WAS SO HAPPY AND SO SAD AT THE SAME TIME.
I WAS HAPPY BECAUSE I REALIZED I LOVE MY LIFE.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE MY KIDS.
I LOVE MY JOB.
I LOVE BEING BALD.
I AM LIVIN' LIFE TO ITS FULLEST.
AND THEN I WAS SAD BECAUSE I LOST A FRIEND WHO NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO ENJOY LIFE.
HE NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO FEEL THE LOVE THAT I HAVE.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
OH, MICHAEL, WELCOME BACK.
YOU KNOW WHAT? WHAT? YOU WERE RIGHT.
I CAN'T SELL THAT BUSINESS.
THAT'S MY GIFT TO MY FAMILY.
I'M NEVER GONNA LET THAT GO.
I'M REALLY HAPPY TO HEAR THAT.
I'M SORRY THAT I WAS ACTING A LITTLE CRAZY.
I WENT A LITTLE OVERBOARD.
[WHISPERS.]
IT'S OKAY.
BUT I'M BACK.
[WHISPERS.]
GOOD.
WHERE ARE THE KIDS AT? BABY, I THINK THEY'RE A LITTLE HUGGED OUT.
NO, NO, I WANT MY MONEY BACK.
[LAUGHS.]
NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, MICHAEL KYLE.
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU, TOO.
SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK.
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, AND I KNOW HOW MUCH TOM'S-- IT'S HIM! GO AHEAD.
GO ON.
I'M SORRY.
YOUR BUSINESS IS IN GREAT SHAPE.
I'LL TELL YOU, ONE MORE YEAR LIKE THIS, YOU CAN RETIRE.
KNOCK WOOD.
I REMEMBER WHEN THERE WAS A WHOLE LOT MORE HAIR ON THAT WOOD.
YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW LENNY KRAVITZ, MY FRIEND.
LOOK, ARE YOU STILL WORKING LIKE A DOG, OR ARE YOU GONNA GE A LIFE? NO, MAN, I GOT A LIFE.
I ACTUALLY SEE LIGH AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
YOU KNOW, YOU WORK AS HARD AS I DO, 24/7, I FINALLY DECIDED I'M GOING TO PACK IT UP AND GO AROUND THE WORLD.
GET OUTTA HERE.
YEAH, MAN.
GOT A 22-YEAR-OLD GIRLFRIEND AND A NEW BOAT.
WOW.
22? WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS BOAT-- THE S.
S.
VIAGRA? WELL, LET ME BE THE FIRS TO CONGRATULATE YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOTTA TELL YA, I'VE NEVER FEL SO ALIVE.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'RE JUST ABOUT FINISHED HERE.
WHAT SAY WE GO AHEAD AND GET A BEER? OH, NO, I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE A RAINCHECK.
I WANNA GET HOME TO THE WIFE AND KIDS.
ONE BEER'S NOT GONNA KILL YA.
MMM HEY, BABY.
OH, THANK GOD YOU'RE HOME.
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT TOM.
WHY ARE YOU SORRY FOR TOM? HE'S TRAVELING AROUND THE WORLD WITH A 22-YEAR-OLD GIRLFRIEND.
I FEEL SORRY FOR HIS CHIROPRACTOR.
HE TOLD ME HE NEVER FEL SO ALIVE BEFORE.
THAT'S GOOD, BECAUSE HE'S DEAD.
DEAD? WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? BABYHIS ASSISTAN JUST CALLED.
APPARENTLY 5 MINUTES AFTER YOU LEFT, TOM WENT OU FOR LUNCH.
HE GOT RUN OVER BY A CAB.
HE WAS KILLED INSTANTLY.
BY A CAB? IT'S HARD FOR BROTHERS TO CATCH CABS IN NEW YORK.
I KNOW, MICHAEL.
I KNOW.
THIS IS SO WEIRD.
YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST WITH HIM.
HE INVITED ME TO GO OUT FOR A BEER.
HE TOLD ME IT WOULDN'T KILL ME.
YEAH, WELL, IT CERTAINLY KILLED HIM.
JAY, THIS IS FREAKY, YOU KNOW? IT'S LIKE I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE DEAD, TOO.
I WAS THIS CLOSE TO GOIN' WITH HIM.
THANK GOD YOU DIDN'T.
I KNOW.
I MEAN, IT'S SO SAD.
IT'S LIKE HE HAD HALF HIS LIFE AND HER WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF HIM.
BABY I'M GLAD I CAME HOME TO YOU.
THIS REALLY MAKES ME APPRECIATE WHAT I HAVE.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
NO, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LOVE YOU.
BABY, I REALLY, REALLY LOVE YOU, TOO.
NO, I TOTALLY WITHOUT A DOUBT I SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICALLY DON KING CAN'T COME UP WITH THE WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.
I--I GET IT.
I GET IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? FROM NOW ON I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, YOU AND THE KIDS.
YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT'S OVER.
I LOVE YOU, BABY.
COME HERE.
OH, BABY.
OH, BABY, I GOTTA GO MAKE DINNER.
OKAY, I'M-A COME WITH YOU.
OKAY.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Michael: BABY, I'M HOME! HEY! HEY.
HEY, LOVE OF MY LIFE.
HOW ARE YOU? THANK YOU FOR ALL THE FLOWERS.
NO, NO, NO.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU WITH ACTION, WITH FLOWERS.
BUT, BABY, THERE'S SO MANY OF 'EM, YOU KNOW? HEY, I DIDN'T WANNA SAY, "I LOVE YOU A LITTLE.
" I WANTED TO SAY, "I LO-O-OVE YOU.
" OKAY.
HEY, WHERE ARE THE KIDS AT? UM, HONEY, IT'S 3:15.
THEY GET OUT OF SCHOOL AT 3:10.
WELL, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE THEM TO WALK HOME FROM SCHOOL? I DON'T KNOW, MICHAEL.
5, 10 MINUTES.
WHATSOMETHING HAPPENED TO 'EM.
I FEEL IT.
I FEEL IT RIGHT HERE.
THEY GOT HIT BY A CAB, I KNOW IT.
CALM DOWN, OKAY? THEY'LL BE HOME ANY MINUTE.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
JUST--I JUST WISH THEY WOULD COME HOME.
OH, MY GOD.
THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.
UNH! I HAVEN'T HELD YOU LIKE THIS SINCE YOU WERE 5.
AND LOOK AT THIS.
THIS FACE JUST GETS PRETTIER AND PRETTIER EACH DAY.
[GIGGLES.]
THAT'S TRUE.
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST KIDS ON THE PLANET EARTH.
DADDY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON? NOTHIN'.
YOU KNOW, I JUST REALIZED THAT I DON'T SHOW YOU I LOVE YOU ENOUGH.
HERE.
I WANT YOU TO TAKE SOME MONEY.
YOU GO BUY YOURSELF SOME NICE DRESSES, GET SOME MAKEUP OR SOMETHING.
JUST HAVE FUN.
JUST ENJOY LIFE.
AND YOU, I WANT YOU TO GO OU AND GET YOURSELF, I DON'T KNOW, SOME FAST FOOD, SOME RAP MUSIC, AND GET YOURSELF A PLAYBOY.
THANKS, DAD.
GOOD.
GO ON.
YEAH.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
DON'T EVER WALK AWAY FROM ME WITHOUT SAYING "I LOVE YOU" ANYMORE, BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN.
COME ON, SAY, "I LOVE YOU.
" Both, mumbling: I LOVE YOU.
NO, NO.
I WANT EYE CONTACT.
LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND SAY, "I LOVE YOU.
" I LOVE YOU.
HELLO.
I LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU, TOO.
HEY, NO.
JUMP IN MY ARMS AGAIN.
COME ON.
HA HA HA HA! COULD I HAVE THE COMICS, PLEASE? SURE.
MM.
I'M TAKIN' THE FASHION SECTION.
JUNIOR, YOU WAN THE SPORTS SECTION? I'M GOOD WITH THE CEREAL BOX.
CLAIRE, WILL YOU READ ME SNOOPY? I'M READING AN ARTICLE.
ASK JUNIOR.
JUNIOR, WILL YOU READ ME SNOOPY? I'M BUSY.
WOW.
I'M GONNA HAVE ONE HEALTHY COLON.
I'LL READ IT FOR YOU, HONEY.
MORNING.
HI.
YOU WANT SOME COFFEE? I'D LOVE SOME.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
YOU KNOW, EVEN THE CRUS IN YOUR EYE SPARKLES.
THANK YOU.
HEY.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
HEY.
LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU, TOO.
HEY.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
OKAY.
LET'S SEE WHAT'S GOIN' ON IN THE WORLD TODAY.
OH, MY GOD.
LOOK HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED IN NEW YORK CITY YESTERDAY.
52 PEOPLE.
OH, AND LOOK, JUNIOR.
HERE GOES SOMEONE YOUR AGE.
THIS IS SENSELESS.
THIS IS JUST SENSELESS.
HOW DID HE DIE? SOMEONE BEAT HIM SENSELESS.
OH, AND LOOKIT HERE.
92-YEAR-OLD WOMAN, ELOISE MATHESON, TRAVELED AROUND THE WORLD FOUR TIMES, WENT UP IN A HOT-AIR BALLOON, MET MOTHER TERESA, BURIED FOUR HUSBANDS.
WOW, THAT'S A FULL LIFE.
OH, AND HERE'S MY FRIEND TOM.
"TOM MILLER, ACCOUNTANT.
42, DEAD.
" THAT'S ALL IT SAYS? THAT REPRESENTS HIS WHOLE LIFE? I DON'T WANNA GO OU LIKE THAT.
I WANNA BE LIKE ELOISE.
I WANNA BURY FOUR HUSBANDS.
BABY.
BABY, IT'S BREAKFAST TIME WITH THE CHILDREN.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, NOT DEATH, DEATH, DEATH? NO, NO, I'M NO INTERESTED IN DEATH.
I'M INTERESTED IN LIFE WITH A CAPITAL "L.
" FROM NOW ON, I'M GONNA LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST.
THIS IS A 1959 INDIAN CHIEF WITH ORIGINAL SIDECAR.
I'M GONNA TAKE ALL THE LEATHER SEATS OFF AND FIX 'EM UP, AND THEN WE'RE GONNA GO AROUND THE WORLD.
HEY.
COOL.
ALL RIGHT.
EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, CAPTAIN AMERICA? YEAH.
HOW ARE ALL FOUR OF US GONNA FIT IN THE SIDECAR? WE DON'T HAVE TO.
COME HERE AND LOOK ACROSS THE STREET.
[GASPS.]
HUH? OH, MY GOD.
WHAT IS THAT? IT'S AN RV, A 39-FOO BLUEBIRD WONDER LODGE.
IT'S LIKE AN APARTMEN ON WHEELS.
THIS IS GREAT.
WE'RE GONNA PULL THE MOTORCYCLE BEHIND US, AND WE'LL TAKE I WHEREVER WE'RE GOIN'.
I DON'T EVER WANNA BE AWAY FROM MY FAMILY AGAIN.
EVEN WHEN WE GO POTTY? EXCEPT THEN.
OKAY.
WHO DID WHAT? IT'S NOT US.
IT'S DAD.
WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT HIM.
HE'S CRAZY.
YEAH, MOM.
LIKE THIS MORNING.
HE SAID, THANKS TO HIS WORKOUT, HIS BUTT CHEEKS ARE SO STRONG, HE COULD CRACK WALNUTS.
AND? HE DID.
WANT ONE? AND THIS MORNING, HE WOKE ME UP AT 6:00 SO WE CAN GO LIE ON THE GRASS AND WATCH THE SUNRISE.
WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH THAT? THE SPRINKLERS WERE ON.
MOM, I THINK HE'S LOSIN' IT.
YOU GUYS, YOUR FATHER WEN TO THE FUNERAL YESTERDAY, AND HE HASN'T CRIED YET.
HE HASN'T GOTTEN HIS GRIEF OUT, SO HE'S GONNA BE ACTING A LITTLE STRANGE FOR A WHILE, BUT IN TIME, THINGS WILL GE BACK TO NORMAL, YOU'LL SEE.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, GUYS.
HI, HI, HI.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
AAAAAH! WHAT DO YOU THINK? GO GET YOUR SISTER.
GO GET YOUR SISTER.
UH BABY-- WAIT, WAIT.
I GOT HAIR IN MY EYE.
PFFT.
BABY, YOU--YOU WANNA EXPLAIN THAT TO ME? I FEEL 35 YEARS YOUNGER.
I FEEL LIKE AN EMBRYO.
IT'S AMAZING.
YOU KNOW, IT'S KINDA LIKE LIKE BILLY DEE.
I FEEL LIKE HIM IN--IN MAHOGANY WHEN HE SAYS [IMITATING BILLY DEE WILLIAMS.]
"SUCCESS IS NOTHING WITHOUT SOMEONE YOU LOVE TO SHARE IT WITH.
" I WAS THINKIN' MORE TODD BRIDGES, DIFF'RENT STROKES-ISH, BUT THAT'S JUST ME.
HEY, LISTEN TO THIS.
THE GUY DOWN AT HAIRCULES-- THAT'S WHERE I GOT THIS, FROM HAIRCULES FOR MEN-- MR.
'CULES HIMSELF SAID HE WANTS TO TAKE A PICTURE OF ME AND PUT IT IN THE BROCHURE BETWEEN WILLIAM SHATNER AND STEVE HARVEY.
MICHAEL, HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY THOUGH AS TO WHY YOU'RE DOIN' THIS? I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
OKAY.
BECAUSE I WEN TO TOM'S FUNERAL AND I LOOKED AT HIM IN THE CASKET, AND HE LOOKED HORRIBLE.
THAT'S BECAUSE HE WAS DEAD.
NO.
HE WAS BALD AND DEAD, AND THAT'S A BAD COMBINATION.
AND I STARTED THINKING, YOU KNOW WHAT? IF HE HAD HAIR, MAYBE THE CAB WOULD HAVE SAW HIM.
IT MIGHT HAVE CUSHIONED THE FALL, YOU KNOW, WHEN HE FELL, POOF, AND THE HAIR JUST POPPED BACK UP.
BABE, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA WEAR THAT, THOUGH? YES, YES, BECAUSE UNLIKE TOM, I'M GONNA DO EVERYTHING THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, AND RIGHT NOW, HAIR MAKES ME FEEL WONDERFUL.
OKAY.
OKAY, I UNDERSTAND, AND I SUPPORT YOU.
GOOD, 'CAUSE I'M ALSO GONNA SELL THE BUSINESS.
WHAT? MICHAEL! HAVE YOU BEEN INHALING THE GLUE FROM THAT WIG? WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, SELL THE BUSINESS? I WANNA SPEND MORE TIME WITH MY FAMILY.
AND, BABY, IT'S NOT A WIG, IT'S A HAIRPIECE.
WHAT ABOUT MONEY, MICHAEL? AND IT IS A WIG, BECAUSE A HAIRPIECE HAS TO ATTACH TO ANOTHER PIECE OF HAIR.
WE DON'T NEED ANY MORE MONEY.
YOU HAVE A JOB.
AND WE DON'T NEED MATERIAL THINGS.
WE HAVE EACH OTHER.
AND ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE HAIRCULES SAYS IT'S A HAIRPIECE.
OH, FOR GOD SAKES, MICHAEL, IT'S A HAT.
THE ONLY THING MISSIN' IS A BRIM AND A CHIN STRAP.
LOOKPLEASE.
I WANT YOU TO THINK LONG AND HARD ABOUT THIS BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY MOVES TO SELL ANYTHING.
MICHAEL, I JUST THINK YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE IRRATIONAL.
YOUR BUSINESS IS IMPORTANT TO YOU.
YOU BUILT I FROM THE GROUND UP.
YOU KNOW WHAT, JAY, I COULD BE PERFECTLY HAPPY IF I NEVER WORKED ANOTHER DAY IN MY LIFE.
WORK HAS CONSUMED ME, AND I'VE LOST TOUCH OF WHO I REALLY AM.
YOU KNOW JUST SAYING THAT I WANNA SELL I MAKES ME FEEL FREE? OKAY, LET ME JUST POIN THIS OUT TO YOU, OKAY? FEELINGS ARE ABOU THE ONLY THINGS IN THIS LIFE THAT ARE FREE.
OH, AND, MICHAEL, THINK ABOUT THIS, OKAY? WHAT YOU DO IS A BIG PAR OF WHO YOU ARE.
JAY.
JUST REMEMBERED WE'RE BOTH WRONG.
IT'S NOT A WIG OR A HAIRPIECE.
IT'S A HAIR REPLACEMEN SYSTEM.
HERE YOU GO, GUYS.
THANKS, MOM.
THANKS.
HEY, KIDS.
WE LOVE YOU.
WE LOVE YOU.
WE LOVE YOU.
LOOK, BABY I WAS JUST OUT THERE ON MY BIKE JUST RIDIN' AROUND, AND THE WIND WAS JUS HITTIN' ME IN MY FACE.
IT WAS AMAZING.
HONEY HUH? HONEY LISTEN, I WANNA TAKE YOU ON A RIDE.
YOU GOTTA COME OUT THERE.
YOU GOTTA EXPERIENCE THIS WIND.
MY G-- IT'S THE BIGGEST RUSH! MICHAEL, KISS ME.
THAT'S WHA I LIKE TO HEAR.
WELL, IF YOU CAN KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME FOR A MINUTE, I'M GONNA GO TAKE A SHOWER.
I GOTTA WASH MY HAIR.
I'M JUST SO SEXY WITH THIS THING.
[SNORTS, SNARLS.]
[IMITATES CAT GROWLING.]
TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AND LIGHT A CANDLE I'LL LIGHT A CANDLE IF YOU'LL LET ME HOLD I TO THAT THING ON YOUR HEAD.
HEY, LOOK, I THOUGH YOU SAID YOU LIKED IT.
LET ME PUT IT TO YOU THIS WAY.
IF YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THIS OFF, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE THAT WIG OFF.
IT'S A HAIRPIECE.
SAY "TAKE THE PIECE OFF.
" THE PIECE.
SAY--JUST SAY "THE PIECE.
" THE PIECE.
TAKE THE PIECE OFF.
OKAY, I'LL TAKE THE PIECE OFF.
OKAY, IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY, FREDDY.
I'LL SEE YA IN THE MORNING, ALL RIGHT? IT'S BETTER--IT'S BETTER WITH THE DO-RAG ON, 'CAUSE THEN IT GETS WAVY FOR THE MORNIN'.
I LIKE THEM LITTLE, YOU KNOW, LIKE MY BABY HAIR? 'CAUSE THIS COMES WITH BABY HAIR.
AND THAT'LL BE NICE AND, LIKE, REAL PRESSED-DOWN AND CURLY.
THEN THEY'LL NEVER KNOW I GOT A PIECE ON.
HERE I COME.
HERE COMES THE LOVER MAN.
THIS IS THE MAN I'VE BEEN WAITING TO SEE.
I MISSED YOU.
WAIT, WAIT.
WHAT IS THE MATTER? SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.
I FEEL--I FEEL NAKED.
INCOMPLETE.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDIN' ME.
NO, I NEED FREDDY.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU DO NOT NEED FREDDY.
I DO, BABY.
LISTEN, IT'S LIKE BATMAN NEEDED ROBIN AND POPEYE NEEDED SPINACH.
I NEED FREDDY.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
THAT IS ENOUGH.
DON'T YOU HURT HIM.
YOU LISTEN TO ME, MICHAEL KYLE.
I LOVE YOU-- I LOVE YOU, TOO.
I--SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK.
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, AND I KNOW HOW MUCH TOM'S DEATH HAS AFFECTED YOU, BUT, BABY, IT'S STARTIN' TO AFFECT THE WHOLE FAMILY.
THE KIDS ARE ALL HUGGED OUT, AND THERE'S MORE FLOWERS IN THIS HOUSE THAN THE ROSE PARADE FLOAT.
BABY, IT'S GREAT, IT'S EXCITING, IT'S WONDERFUL, BUT IT'S CRAZY, AND THIS, THIS RIGHT HERE--FREDDY-- FREDDY'S CRAZY.
LOOK, I KNOW IT SEEMS A LITTLE STRANGE, OKAY? BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, YOU KNOW? AND--AND, HEY YOU TWO WILL GE TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND YOU'LL BECOME GOOD FRIENDS.
DON'T EVER THINK THAT YOU'RE COMPETING FOR MY LOVE.
GOOD NIGHT.
[HIGH VOICE.]
GOOD NIGHT.
MICHAEL, ALL I'M SAYING HERE IS THAT THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG, AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT THA BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING YOU REGRET, SOMETHING WE ALL REGRET.
[DEEP VOICE.]
SAY WHAT? YOU THINK I'M PLAYING.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
I'M KIDDING.
LISTEN, BABY, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
WE WILL THINK ABOUT IT.
[SIGHS.]
[MUTTERS.]
MY GOD.
UH-UH-UH! UH-UH! UNH! UH-UH.
SO LET THEM SAY MY HAIR'S TOO LONG [NASALLY.]
I DON'T CARE, WITH YOU I CAN'T GO WRONG BABE, I GOT YOU, BABE [NASALLY.]
I GOT YOU, BABE [DOORBELL RINGS.]
[DING-DONG.]
HEY, BRUCIE.
HEY HAIRCULES, HUH? YOU BET! [LAUGHS.]
YOU'RE NO IN THE BROCHURE, THOUGH.
NO, SIR.
I SAW YOU, THOUGH.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
YEAH, THE FIRST TIME I EVER MADE A DELIVERY TO THE BOSS'S HOUSE.
WELL, COME ON IN.
HAVE A SEAT.
OH, I'D LOVE TO, BUT I-I'M SWAMPED.
I GOT A BIG DELIVERY.
BABY GRAND PIANO.
WHOA.
OH, THIRD-FLOOR WALKUP.
HOW YOU GONNA DO IT? YOU GONNA BLOCK AND TACKLE? OH, CAN'T.
BURGLAR BARS.
MM.
MM-MMM.
ACTUALLY, UH, I'M NOT SURE HOW I'M GONNA DO IT.
NICE TO SEE YOU, MR.
KYLE.
HEY, HEY, LISTEN, BRUCE, THERE'S NOTHIN' HAPPENIN' AROUND HERE.
YOU MIND IF I TAG ALONG? OH, WHOA.
OH, THAT WOULD BE LIKE THAT'D BE LIKE PLAYIN' HOOPS WITH LARRY BIRD.
HEY, ALL RIGHT, THEN.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
YEAH.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
HEY.
HEY.
MICHAEL, HAVE YOU BEEN CRYING? YEAH.
YOU KNOW I HAD THE MOS AMAZING DAY OF MY LIFE? LET ME SET THE SCENE FOR YOU.
BABY GRAND PIANO, SPIRAL STAIRCASE.
WE LAID THAT BABY ON ITS SIDE, WE TOOK THE LEGS OFF, WRAPPED I IN A FURNITURE PAD, AND WE DANCED IT UP THREE FLIGHTS.
IT WAS SPECTACULAR.
AND LOOK AT THIS.
GOT A $10 TIP.
AND THAT'S WHY YOU WERE CRYING? NO, I CRIED BECAUSE I REALIZED I WAS SO HAPPY AND SO SAD AT THE SAME TIME.
I WAS HAPPY BECAUSE I REALIZED I LOVE MY LIFE.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE MY KIDS.
I LOVE MY JOB.
I LOVE BEING BALD.
I AM LIVIN' LIFE TO ITS FULLEST.
AND THEN I WAS SAD BECAUSE I LOST A FRIEND WHO NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO ENJOY LIFE.
HE NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO FEEL THE LOVE THAT I HAVE.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
OH, MICHAEL, WELCOME BACK.
YOU KNOW WHAT? WHAT? YOU WERE RIGHT.
I CAN'T SELL THAT BUSINESS.
THAT'S MY GIFT TO MY FAMILY.
I'M NEVER GONNA LET THAT GO.
I'M REALLY HAPPY TO HEAR THAT.
I'M SORRY THAT I WAS ACTING A LITTLE CRAZY.
I WENT A LITTLE OVERBOARD.
[WHISPERS.]
IT'S OKAY.
BUT I'M BACK.
[WHISPERS.]
GOOD.
WHERE ARE THE KIDS AT? BABY, I THINK THEY'RE A LITTLE HUGGED OUT.
NO, NO, I WANT MY MONEY BACK.
[LAUGHS.]
NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, MICHAEL KYLE.
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU, TOO.
SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK.
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, AND I KNOW HOW MUCH TOM'S-- IT'S HIM! GO AHEAD.
GO ON.
I'M SORRY.