NewsRadio (1995) s03e19 Episode Script
Office Feud
Whassup, y'all? Whassup, y'all? Brother Bill McNeal in your ears, up your-- Whassup, y'all? Bill McNeal here.
Bill? Hey, Catherine, let me ask you.
Would you read "Whassup?" as an upbeat cheery salutation, or more of a low, whispered greeting among intimates like "whassup.
" What are you talking about? Well, I'm doing these live ads for a new sponsor and-- Oh, woops, time to start.
[MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO.]
[DEEP VOICE.]
Whassup, y'all? Bill McNeal sayin' there's a party all up in here, and you need to get with the flow.
Oh, yeah! Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor's got the heavyweight power.
Whether you got the ee-yotch to rip it up to some fat booty beats, or just chill with the honeys.
So get on the rocket and see the stars.
Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
Damn! Well? Oh, my Lord.
Ha, ha, ha.
Billy Dee Williams, watch out.
[.]
[CLUNKING FROM UPSTAIRS.]
[CLUNKING CONTINUES.]
Dave, I don't think the office is the right place for you to be rehearsing your one-man show of Cabaret.
No, sir, you see, there was-- Yeah, I believe you.
I believe you.
Look, turn on the feed, would you? It's almost time for Lisa's live remote from the White House.
I do not want to miss a second of this.
Why are you so excited by this? I mean, she's just covering the Easter egg roll from the White House.
And-uh-wha-huh? Only the White House Easter egg roll.
Dave, it is the most magical, most wonderful, national ritual this country has to offer.
[BLATHERS.]
I went every year till I got banned.
Banned? What for? Well, I had a little too much punch and called the First Lady "Hot Lips.
" I'm going to assume this wasn't during the Reagan administration.
No, no, no.
Rosalyn Carter.
Tell you the truth, I think she sort of dug it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Still, she had you banned.
Yeah, well.
I also had a little too much Billy Beer and took a whiz in the rose garden.
LISA [ON RADIO.]
: This is Lisa Miller reporting live from the White House Easter egg roll.
With me is one of the young revelers who make this one of the most exciting events of the Washington social season.
What's your name? Pantyhose.
Okay, Timmy.
I know that's your name.
Timmy.
How old are you? Pantyhose.
All right, Timmy-- Pantyhose.
Pantyhose.
Pantyhose.
Pantyhose.
Hello.
Underpants.
We're not on the air anymore.
Okay, do you need me for anything else? Nope.
That ought to do it.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Oh, jeez, how could she screw that up? I mean, it's a no-brainer.
No, sir, if it was a no-brainer, I would have sent Matthew.
Yeah, yeah.
If you would've sent Matthew, you would have had two people yelling pantyhose on the air.
[CLUNKING UPSTAIRS.]
The hell's the deal with that, Dave? Uh, some new people moved in upstairs about a week ago.
Yeah, they're kind of noisy.
Some sort of nonprofit environmentalist group-- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm sorry.
A what? Nonprofit environmentalist group.
Dave, that's repugnant.
Environmentalists? No, no, the other thing.
Oh, nonprofit.
Ow! It hurts me! All right.
That hurts my stomach.
Sorry.
Just thinkin' about that.
Nonprofit organization.
Dave, even the name's an oxymoron.
Oh, right.
You mean like, um, military intelligence? Right, right.
Or, uh, Swiss cheese.
Well, sir, I'm on it.
Good, good.
Go on.
Make the call.
That noise is driving everybody nuts.
Get used to it.
I am not calling to complain.
I don't want our new neighbors to think I'm some kind of bitch.
Who cares what kind of bitch they think you are? Oh, God, you know, I bet they're really cute.
Out there saving grizzly bears and antelopes all day with sweat trickling down their tawny, suntanned cheeks-- Give me the phone.
Try to mention that there's a spunky redhead in this office.
Okay? I don't know how to say this, but there's a spunky redhead in every office.
Tell me about it.
Try to be polite, okay? All right, all right.
Hi.
Yeah.
Hi, I'm calling from downstairs.
The 14th floor.
Hi.
Yeah, I was just wondering if you guys could find a way [SHOUTING.]
to shut the hell up! Representin' Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor, this is Bill McNeal! What's that you're workin' on there? Nothin' important.
Just gettin' ready to kick some mad flava in your ear.
Oh, is that like a wet willie? No.
Oh.
Can I help you, anyway? Sure, pal.
Can you take care of this for me? I gotta get back to the booth.
Yeah.
Yeow! Yah! Ow! [ELEVATOR DINGS.]
[SIGHS.]
That's good! That's funny! Seems those yogurt suckers upstairs wanna play hardball.
Are you trying to shave your chest? No.
Somebody booby-trapped the fire extinguisher.
You know, I wonder if any of those guys up there got into environmentalism because they have trust funds and they don't have to actually work for a living, and if so, are they single? That would explain a lot.
Snot-nosed little trust fund jerks who have always relied on Jeeves the butler to clean up after their little fire extinguisher high jinks.
You know, even a single butler would be fine if he had pool privileges.
[.]
BILL: Although there were no serious injuries, property damage is expected to run into the millions.
WNYX news time, 11:23.
Back in one minute for Lisa Miller, live from the White House Easter egg roll.
Whassup, y'all? Bill McNeal rockin' the mike again, cold representin' Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
It's got the mad flava that takes any situation to the next level.
So when the party starts bouncin' and the ladies start bumpin', tighten up your flow with Rocket Fuel.
Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
Damn! What? I thought you had a policy about not endorsing any product you don't personally use.
I do, and I do personally use Rocket Juice.
Rocket Fuel.
Rocket Fuel.
You know, this is shameless, Bill.
And the way you're trying to talk and sound like Like I don't know what you're trying to sound like.
Oh, I see.
You're obviously threatened by my ability to reach out to the common man in the language of the streets.
I am nothing but embarrassed to hear you trying to talk street like that.
Although these ads may be written in a frank street patois, I believe they appeal to a rainbow of consumers.
JIMMY: Hey, Cathy.
Cathy, Lisa hasn't been on yet, has she? No she hasn't.
Oh, good, good.
Bill, could you set me up with some headphones? You know, Jimmy, you don't have to be in here to hear this.
Yeah, I know.
I wanna get as close to the action as possible.
Why didn't you just go to the event? Ah, I can't.
I've been banned from it.
What happened? Well, you know, just a little misunderstanding with Rosalyn Carter andBilly and, uh I sort of stole a souvenir from the Lincoln bedroom.
Like an ashtray.
No, a couch.
Okay, what's your favorite part about coming to the White House? My Dad's a congressman.
Oh, is he? Which one? Not tellin'.
Okay.
Are you having fun today? A Korean man gave my dad a big boat for free.
What's your dad's name? Not tellin'.
What party does he belong to? He belongs to the Korean man.
Which Korean man? The one that owns my dad.
Right.
But what's your dad's name? Pantyhose.
Ooh.
Matthew, I want a list of every congressman with a kid between the ages of four and eleven, all right? Oh, Dave, Dave, Dave.
This country doesn't give a tinker's damn about corrupt politicians.
It's like what I told Woodward and Bernstein in the parking garage.
Ah, when was this? Oh, you know, back there in Watergate when I was Deep Throat.
You see, the point is, I sent her there for eggs and bunnies.
I'm sorry, sir, but I think a political scandal beats bunnies.
You keep up that attitude, Dave, you're gonna get your you-know-what caught in the big fat ringer.
How can you do an ad for a product that you will never in a million years use? Hey, did I complain when you did ads for adult diapers, no.
And do you wear adult diapers? Well? Of course not.
Just checking.
So isn't it a little hypocritical to attack me when you're actually a shill for the incontinence industry? No.
Because if the time comes when I do wear adult diapers, I will wear them with the dignity and confidence made possible by the good people at Underpinnings Incorporated.
Thank you very much.
Well, same here.
When Rocket Fuel is an appropriate drink, I gladly serve it.
Is that so.
So, what does it taste like? Oh, how to describe such a robust brew? Let me see.
It's a hardy, full-bodied beverage with hints of apple skin and wood smoke.
And donkey urine.
No, the exact opposite, actually.
Maybe you and I should wet our beaks with a little Rocket Fuel sometime.
Certainly, my dear.
I'd like that very much.
Damn.
Oh, yeah.
Joe, alls I'm saying is that one of those cute guys up there could be the future love of my life.
What are you talking about? How do you know they're cute? And how do you know they're gonna be the future loves of your life? [MICROWAVE BEEPS.]
Is that you? I don't think so.
Oh! That's funny! That's great! You tree-huggin' freaks! Oh, tree-hugging freaks.
That's so cute.
They are so cute! You know, Catherine, as much as I'd love to sample Rocket Fuel, I-I-I don't think this is really the time or the place.
Why don't we just find a bar after work.
They don't serve this at bars.
They serve it under bridges and on street corners.
Really? I'll have to inquire about our local distributors.
This will be perfect.
We'll share a civilized drink in a familiar, comfortable environment.
Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to have just a sip.
Of course not.
Well, then Salud, Catherine.
Wow! Wow is right.
That's some smooth drinkin'.
You know, perhaps I've misjudged you, Bill.
And Rocket Fuel.
Let's have another.
All right.
Another.
Down the hatch.
Again, salud.
[GAGS.]
Damn! She looks like quite a woman, Dave.
She must be a wonderful mother.
Bill, that's Lisa.
This one's my mother.
Oh.
Now I don't feel so bad about trying to picture her naked.
Bill, what's that I'm smelling? [CRASHING UPSTAIRS.]
Could you do something about that construction above us? Some of us are trying to concentrate.
Mm-hm.
Uh-- Bill.
Bill? You know, my mother avoided all physical contact.
Something to do with germs, she said.
The, uh, malt liquor people, did they by any chance send over some free samples? I beg your pardon? And perhaps I couldn't hear you above that infernal racket, but are you insinuating that I've been drinking? [CHUCKLES.]
I demand an apology, sir! I'm sorry, Bill.
Now, can I have that picture back? Thank you.
Now there's work to be done.
[RATTLING HANDLE.]
Oh, Bill that-- That's the kind you pull.
Oh.
Now there's work to be done.
[BANGING UPSTAIRS.]
[LOUD CRASH.]
Oh, Bill, you don't look so great.
Maybe our little tasting party was a bad idea.
Nonsense.
The malt liquor was delicious and refreshing.
Good.
Because I have some ideas about how to fix your Rocket Fuel spots.
What's wrong with 'em? Well, they just sound a little inauthentic.
That's absurd.
Those spots are very authentic.
Oh, get real.
That "What's up, y'all" stuff is all played out.
I don't know who's writing your material, but it's very VH1.
Strictly illz-nidiotic.
"Illz-nidiotic"? Yeah, illz-nidiotic.
You never heard that one? No.
Not-- Now, what does that mean? Oh, never mind that.
Let's start with "What's up, y'all.
" Come on.
People don't say, "Whassup?" No.
Not on the street.
Now they say, uh "Guzzizah.
" "Guzzizah.
" Yeah.
Guzzizah.
I like it.
What does it mean? Well, it just means that-- Like, hello.
Or goodbye.
Oh, sort of a street aloha? Exactly.
And if someone's your friend, then you call them your My homey.
My peeps.
No.
My dills-noofus.
"Dills-noofus.
" Yeah.
Dills-noofus.
Guzzizah, my dills-noofus.
Yes, yes! That's perfect.
Very miz-moronic, Bill.
Marvelous.
I'm feeling less illz-nidiotic already.
Yes, okay more.
Come on more, more.
LISA [ON SPEAKERPHONE.]
: You decorated that all by yourself? Can I hold it? Be careful.
Now, that is a very pretty Easter egg.
What a very-- What's wrong with you? [CRASHING UPSTAIRS.]
You know, this has turned out to be the worst day of my life.
Yes, sir, I-I-- I understand.
Same thing happened to me.
Oh, good, good.
That makes me feel much better.
Dave, do you remember that guy upstairs that you asked me to get in touch with? Uh-huh.
Well, ironically he called me back.
Line two.
Ah, well, that isn't technically ironic, but thanks.
Yes, it is.
It's ironic.
Like when it rains on your wedding day.
That isn't technically ironic, either.
No, no.
He's He's right.
It's an oxymoron.
Oh, you mean like Swiss cheese? Exactly.
Oh, hi.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Yes, I am the news director.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Before we-- Sir, I hope we can We can resolve this thing right here and now.
What--? What do you mean you think an apology is in order? Really? Well, what exactly would we have to apologize for? Mm-hm.
'Cause you know we're not the ones who have been-- What? What? No, you know what? I'm actually a little bit sick of trying to deal with this like a civilized human being.
Yeah, that's right! [MUSIC PLAYING.]
Guzzizah, dills-noofuses.
Bill McNeal sayin' get with the crazappy taste of Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
Rocket fuel's got the upstate prison flava that keeps you ugly all night long.
So when you wanna get sick, remember, nothin' makes you feet stank like Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
Damn! It's crazappy.
Can I help you? Ah, yes, I'm looking for the marching band.
Come again? The marching band that's been rehearsing up here all week, making it virtually impossible for us to do any work downstairs.
Oh, you're the guy from downstairs.
Yes, I am.
Listen, what I was trying to tell you, is I'm sorry-- I think it's a little too late for that.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Hi.
Carl Jackson.
Nice to meet you.
Oh Hi, hi.
Uh.
Dave Nelson.
A pleasure-- A pleasure meeting you.
You know, I think-- You know, Carl, I think maybe we got off on the wrong foot here.
So to speak.
It's an-- You know, that's just an expression that I use sometimes.
You know, 'cause what with the noise and all-- You know, with Yeah, I am really sorry about all that.
It's just that, I just got this new chair, and the steering is a little tricky.
Mm-hm.
Mm.
I'm gonna leave, uh, now.
'Cause, uh-- 'Cause I'm-- 'Cause I'm busy And-- And I'm horribly embarrassed right now.
Don't be.
Don't be.
I understand.
And I will try to keep the noise down.
That ought to hold him for a little while.
[GLASS BREAKING.]
Bill, I'm Glenn Conrad from Rocket Fuel.
We spoke on the phone.
Guzzizah, Glenn.
Bless you.
Bill, I've been listening to the spots this afternoon, and I just stopped by to say you're fired.
What? That stuff was miz-noronic, yo.
No, that-- That stuff was embarrassing.
We at Rocket Fuel have a little something called street cred, or we did until that spot.
Oh, come on, Glenn.
Whassup, y'all? Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
Damn! Look, stop.
We don't want you promoting our product.
That's all there is to it.
Whassup Damn.
Ah, excuse me, you're Catherine Duke, right? Don't even think about it.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Hey, what's up, Dave? Hey, wait a second.
You guys aren't going upstairs to start some sort of retaliatory strike, are you? Certainly not.
Okay.
Off the elevator.
Come on.
I'm sorry, dude.
Look, there will be no retaliation, all right? I just happened to have gone upstairs and had a talk with the fella, and everything's under control.
Did you yell at the dude? No.
No I did not yell at the dude because this dude just happens to be a very nice guy, who just happens to be in a wheelchair, which happens to be kind of noisy.
A wheelchair? Yeah, a wheelchair.
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
I don't care what he's in.
Nobody booby-traps me without getting booby-trapped-- I did it.
Don't be mad at me, Joe.
The fire extinguisher was a cigarette thing, and the-- The honey was crystallized, so I-I tried to put it in the microwave.
Don't be mad at me! Wait-- Don't touch that.
No, no, no! I'm sorry.
What? Huh.
I rigged that thing so that it would, uh Yeah, I know.
You booby-trapped it.
Yeah.
How'd you know? The massive wad of duct tape was sort of a giveaway, so I fixed it.
No harm done.
[ELEVATOR DINGS.]
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Sorry.
Here, let me.
Boy, he is good, huh? He's not that good.
[BUZZES.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, or maybe he is.
Hee-hee.
How did he rig it up so that it would hit me and not him? How'd he do that? Oh, that's easy.
All you gotta-- [BUZZES.]
That, on the other hand, was very impressive.
[.]
I'm gonna ask you to introduce yourself, and then you can say hello to everybody in New York City.
Cool! Good.
Okay.
Hi, Beth, we're ready.
Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hello, this is Lisa Miller, reporting live from the White House.
La-la-la-la-la! Hey! [BOY CONTINUES SINGING.]
Bill? Hey, Catherine, let me ask you.
Would you read "Whassup?" as an upbeat cheery salutation, or more of a low, whispered greeting among intimates like "whassup.
" What are you talking about? Well, I'm doing these live ads for a new sponsor and-- Oh, woops, time to start.
[MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO.]
[DEEP VOICE.]
Whassup, y'all? Bill McNeal sayin' there's a party all up in here, and you need to get with the flow.
Oh, yeah! Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor's got the heavyweight power.
Whether you got the ee-yotch to rip it up to some fat booty beats, or just chill with the honeys.
So get on the rocket and see the stars.
Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
Damn! Well? Oh, my Lord.
Ha, ha, ha.
Billy Dee Williams, watch out.
[.]
[CLUNKING FROM UPSTAIRS.]
[CLUNKING CONTINUES.]
Dave, I don't think the office is the right place for you to be rehearsing your one-man show of Cabaret.
No, sir, you see, there was-- Yeah, I believe you.
I believe you.
Look, turn on the feed, would you? It's almost time for Lisa's live remote from the White House.
I do not want to miss a second of this.
Why are you so excited by this? I mean, she's just covering the Easter egg roll from the White House.
And-uh-wha-huh? Only the White House Easter egg roll.
Dave, it is the most magical, most wonderful, national ritual this country has to offer.
[BLATHERS.]
I went every year till I got banned.
Banned? What for? Well, I had a little too much punch and called the First Lady "Hot Lips.
" I'm going to assume this wasn't during the Reagan administration.
No, no, no.
Rosalyn Carter.
Tell you the truth, I think she sort of dug it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Still, she had you banned.
Yeah, well.
I also had a little too much Billy Beer and took a whiz in the rose garden.
LISA [ON RADIO.]
: This is Lisa Miller reporting live from the White House Easter egg roll.
With me is one of the young revelers who make this one of the most exciting events of the Washington social season.
What's your name? Pantyhose.
Okay, Timmy.
I know that's your name.
Timmy.
How old are you? Pantyhose.
All right, Timmy-- Pantyhose.
Pantyhose.
Pantyhose.
Pantyhose.
Hello.
Underpants.
We're not on the air anymore.
Okay, do you need me for anything else? Nope.
That ought to do it.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Oh, jeez, how could she screw that up? I mean, it's a no-brainer.
No, sir, if it was a no-brainer, I would have sent Matthew.
Yeah, yeah.
If you would've sent Matthew, you would have had two people yelling pantyhose on the air.
[CLUNKING UPSTAIRS.]
The hell's the deal with that, Dave? Uh, some new people moved in upstairs about a week ago.
Yeah, they're kind of noisy.
Some sort of nonprofit environmentalist group-- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm sorry.
A what? Nonprofit environmentalist group.
Dave, that's repugnant.
Environmentalists? No, no, the other thing.
Oh, nonprofit.
Ow! It hurts me! All right.
That hurts my stomach.
Sorry.
Just thinkin' about that.
Nonprofit organization.
Dave, even the name's an oxymoron.
Oh, right.
You mean like, um, military intelligence? Right, right.
Or, uh, Swiss cheese.
Well, sir, I'm on it.
Good, good.
Go on.
Make the call.
That noise is driving everybody nuts.
Get used to it.
I am not calling to complain.
I don't want our new neighbors to think I'm some kind of bitch.
Who cares what kind of bitch they think you are? Oh, God, you know, I bet they're really cute.
Out there saving grizzly bears and antelopes all day with sweat trickling down their tawny, suntanned cheeks-- Give me the phone.
Try to mention that there's a spunky redhead in this office.
Okay? I don't know how to say this, but there's a spunky redhead in every office.
Tell me about it.
Try to be polite, okay? All right, all right.
Hi.
Yeah.
Hi, I'm calling from downstairs.
The 14th floor.
Hi.
Yeah, I was just wondering if you guys could find a way [SHOUTING.]
to shut the hell up! Representin' Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor, this is Bill McNeal! What's that you're workin' on there? Nothin' important.
Just gettin' ready to kick some mad flava in your ear.
Oh, is that like a wet willie? No.
Oh.
Can I help you, anyway? Sure, pal.
Can you take care of this for me? I gotta get back to the booth.
Yeah.
Yeow! Yah! Ow! [ELEVATOR DINGS.]
[SIGHS.]
That's good! That's funny! Seems those yogurt suckers upstairs wanna play hardball.
Are you trying to shave your chest? No.
Somebody booby-trapped the fire extinguisher.
You know, I wonder if any of those guys up there got into environmentalism because they have trust funds and they don't have to actually work for a living, and if so, are they single? That would explain a lot.
Snot-nosed little trust fund jerks who have always relied on Jeeves the butler to clean up after their little fire extinguisher high jinks.
You know, even a single butler would be fine if he had pool privileges.
[.]
BILL: Although there were no serious injuries, property damage is expected to run into the millions.
WNYX news time, 11:23.
Back in one minute for Lisa Miller, live from the White House Easter egg roll.
Whassup, y'all? Bill McNeal rockin' the mike again, cold representin' Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
It's got the mad flava that takes any situation to the next level.
So when the party starts bouncin' and the ladies start bumpin', tighten up your flow with Rocket Fuel.
Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
Damn! What? I thought you had a policy about not endorsing any product you don't personally use.
I do, and I do personally use Rocket Juice.
Rocket Fuel.
Rocket Fuel.
You know, this is shameless, Bill.
And the way you're trying to talk and sound like Like I don't know what you're trying to sound like.
Oh, I see.
You're obviously threatened by my ability to reach out to the common man in the language of the streets.
I am nothing but embarrassed to hear you trying to talk street like that.
Although these ads may be written in a frank street patois, I believe they appeal to a rainbow of consumers.
JIMMY: Hey, Cathy.
Cathy, Lisa hasn't been on yet, has she? No she hasn't.
Oh, good, good.
Bill, could you set me up with some headphones? You know, Jimmy, you don't have to be in here to hear this.
Yeah, I know.
I wanna get as close to the action as possible.
Why didn't you just go to the event? Ah, I can't.
I've been banned from it.
What happened? Well, you know, just a little misunderstanding with Rosalyn Carter andBilly and, uh I sort of stole a souvenir from the Lincoln bedroom.
Like an ashtray.
No, a couch.
Okay, what's your favorite part about coming to the White House? My Dad's a congressman.
Oh, is he? Which one? Not tellin'.
Okay.
Are you having fun today? A Korean man gave my dad a big boat for free.
What's your dad's name? Not tellin'.
What party does he belong to? He belongs to the Korean man.
Which Korean man? The one that owns my dad.
Right.
But what's your dad's name? Pantyhose.
Ooh.
Matthew, I want a list of every congressman with a kid between the ages of four and eleven, all right? Oh, Dave, Dave, Dave.
This country doesn't give a tinker's damn about corrupt politicians.
It's like what I told Woodward and Bernstein in the parking garage.
Ah, when was this? Oh, you know, back there in Watergate when I was Deep Throat.
You see, the point is, I sent her there for eggs and bunnies.
I'm sorry, sir, but I think a political scandal beats bunnies.
You keep up that attitude, Dave, you're gonna get your you-know-what caught in the big fat ringer.
How can you do an ad for a product that you will never in a million years use? Hey, did I complain when you did ads for adult diapers, no.
And do you wear adult diapers? Well? Of course not.
Just checking.
So isn't it a little hypocritical to attack me when you're actually a shill for the incontinence industry? No.
Because if the time comes when I do wear adult diapers, I will wear them with the dignity and confidence made possible by the good people at Underpinnings Incorporated.
Thank you very much.
Well, same here.
When Rocket Fuel is an appropriate drink, I gladly serve it.
Is that so.
So, what does it taste like? Oh, how to describe such a robust brew? Let me see.
It's a hardy, full-bodied beverage with hints of apple skin and wood smoke.
And donkey urine.
No, the exact opposite, actually.
Maybe you and I should wet our beaks with a little Rocket Fuel sometime.
Certainly, my dear.
I'd like that very much.
Damn.
Oh, yeah.
Joe, alls I'm saying is that one of those cute guys up there could be the future love of my life.
What are you talking about? How do you know they're cute? And how do you know they're gonna be the future loves of your life? [MICROWAVE BEEPS.]
Is that you? I don't think so.
Oh! That's funny! That's great! You tree-huggin' freaks! Oh, tree-hugging freaks.
That's so cute.
They are so cute! You know, Catherine, as much as I'd love to sample Rocket Fuel, I-I-I don't think this is really the time or the place.
Why don't we just find a bar after work.
They don't serve this at bars.
They serve it under bridges and on street corners.
Really? I'll have to inquire about our local distributors.
This will be perfect.
We'll share a civilized drink in a familiar, comfortable environment.
Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to have just a sip.
Of course not.
Well, then Salud, Catherine.
Wow! Wow is right.
That's some smooth drinkin'.
You know, perhaps I've misjudged you, Bill.
And Rocket Fuel.
Let's have another.
All right.
Another.
Down the hatch.
Again, salud.
[GAGS.]
Damn! She looks like quite a woman, Dave.
She must be a wonderful mother.
Bill, that's Lisa.
This one's my mother.
Oh.
Now I don't feel so bad about trying to picture her naked.
Bill, what's that I'm smelling? [CRASHING UPSTAIRS.]
Could you do something about that construction above us? Some of us are trying to concentrate.
Mm-hm.
Uh-- Bill.
Bill? You know, my mother avoided all physical contact.
Something to do with germs, she said.
The, uh, malt liquor people, did they by any chance send over some free samples? I beg your pardon? And perhaps I couldn't hear you above that infernal racket, but are you insinuating that I've been drinking? [CHUCKLES.]
I demand an apology, sir! I'm sorry, Bill.
Now, can I have that picture back? Thank you.
Now there's work to be done.
[RATTLING HANDLE.]
Oh, Bill that-- That's the kind you pull.
Oh.
Now there's work to be done.
[BANGING UPSTAIRS.]
[LOUD CRASH.]
Oh, Bill, you don't look so great.
Maybe our little tasting party was a bad idea.
Nonsense.
The malt liquor was delicious and refreshing.
Good.
Because I have some ideas about how to fix your Rocket Fuel spots.
What's wrong with 'em? Well, they just sound a little inauthentic.
That's absurd.
Those spots are very authentic.
Oh, get real.
That "What's up, y'all" stuff is all played out.
I don't know who's writing your material, but it's very VH1.
Strictly illz-nidiotic.
"Illz-nidiotic"? Yeah, illz-nidiotic.
You never heard that one? No.
Not-- Now, what does that mean? Oh, never mind that.
Let's start with "What's up, y'all.
" Come on.
People don't say, "Whassup?" No.
Not on the street.
Now they say, uh "Guzzizah.
" "Guzzizah.
" Yeah.
Guzzizah.
I like it.
What does it mean? Well, it just means that-- Like, hello.
Or goodbye.
Oh, sort of a street aloha? Exactly.
And if someone's your friend, then you call them your My homey.
My peeps.
No.
My dills-noofus.
"Dills-noofus.
" Yeah.
Dills-noofus.
Guzzizah, my dills-noofus.
Yes, yes! That's perfect.
Very miz-moronic, Bill.
Marvelous.
I'm feeling less illz-nidiotic already.
Yes, okay more.
Come on more, more.
LISA [ON SPEAKERPHONE.]
: You decorated that all by yourself? Can I hold it? Be careful.
Now, that is a very pretty Easter egg.
What a very-- What's wrong with you? [CRASHING UPSTAIRS.]
You know, this has turned out to be the worst day of my life.
Yes, sir, I-I-- I understand.
Same thing happened to me.
Oh, good, good.
That makes me feel much better.
Dave, do you remember that guy upstairs that you asked me to get in touch with? Uh-huh.
Well, ironically he called me back.
Line two.
Ah, well, that isn't technically ironic, but thanks.
Yes, it is.
It's ironic.
Like when it rains on your wedding day.
That isn't technically ironic, either.
No, no.
He's He's right.
It's an oxymoron.
Oh, you mean like Swiss cheese? Exactly.
Oh, hi.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Yes, I am the news director.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Before we-- Sir, I hope we can We can resolve this thing right here and now.
What--? What do you mean you think an apology is in order? Really? Well, what exactly would we have to apologize for? Mm-hm.
'Cause you know we're not the ones who have been-- What? What? No, you know what? I'm actually a little bit sick of trying to deal with this like a civilized human being.
Yeah, that's right! [MUSIC PLAYING.]
Guzzizah, dills-noofuses.
Bill McNeal sayin' get with the crazappy taste of Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
Rocket fuel's got the upstate prison flava that keeps you ugly all night long.
So when you wanna get sick, remember, nothin' makes you feet stank like Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
Damn! It's crazappy.
Can I help you? Ah, yes, I'm looking for the marching band.
Come again? The marching band that's been rehearsing up here all week, making it virtually impossible for us to do any work downstairs.
Oh, you're the guy from downstairs.
Yes, I am.
Listen, what I was trying to tell you, is I'm sorry-- I think it's a little too late for that.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Hi.
Carl Jackson.
Nice to meet you.
Oh Hi, hi.
Uh.
Dave Nelson.
A pleasure-- A pleasure meeting you.
You know, I think-- You know, Carl, I think maybe we got off on the wrong foot here.
So to speak.
It's an-- You know, that's just an expression that I use sometimes.
You know, 'cause what with the noise and all-- You know, with Yeah, I am really sorry about all that.
It's just that, I just got this new chair, and the steering is a little tricky.
Mm-hm.
Mm.
I'm gonna leave, uh, now.
'Cause, uh-- 'Cause I'm-- 'Cause I'm busy And-- And I'm horribly embarrassed right now.
Don't be.
Don't be.
I understand.
And I will try to keep the noise down.
That ought to hold him for a little while.
[GLASS BREAKING.]
Bill, I'm Glenn Conrad from Rocket Fuel.
We spoke on the phone.
Guzzizah, Glenn.
Bless you.
Bill, I've been listening to the spots this afternoon, and I just stopped by to say you're fired.
What? That stuff was miz-noronic, yo.
No, that-- That stuff was embarrassing.
We at Rocket Fuel have a little something called street cred, or we did until that spot.
Oh, come on, Glenn.
Whassup, y'all? Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.
Damn! Look, stop.
We don't want you promoting our product.
That's all there is to it.
Whassup Damn.
Ah, excuse me, you're Catherine Duke, right? Don't even think about it.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Hey, what's up, Dave? Hey, wait a second.
You guys aren't going upstairs to start some sort of retaliatory strike, are you? Certainly not.
Okay.
Off the elevator.
Come on.
I'm sorry, dude.
Look, there will be no retaliation, all right? I just happened to have gone upstairs and had a talk with the fella, and everything's under control.
Did you yell at the dude? No.
No I did not yell at the dude because this dude just happens to be a very nice guy, who just happens to be in a wheelchair, which happens to be kind of noisy.
A wheelchair? Yeah, a wheelchair.
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
I don't care what he's in.
Nobody booby-traps me without getting booby-trapped-- I did it.
Don't be mad at me, Joe.
The fire extinguisher was a cigarette thing, and the-- The honey was crystallized, so I-I tried to put it in the microwave.
Don't be mad at me! Wait-- Don't touch that.
No, no, no! I'm sorry.
What? Huh.
I rigged that thing so that it would, uh Yeah, I know.
You booby-trapped it.
Yeah.
How'd you know? The massive wad of duct tape was sort of a giveaway, so I fixed it.
No harm done.
[ELEVATOR DINGS.]
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Sorry.
Here, let me.
Boy, he is good, huh? He's not that good.
[BUZZES.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, or maybe he is.
Hee-hee.
How did he rig it up so that it would hit me and not him? How'd he do that? Oh, that's easy.
All you gotta-- [BUZZES.]
That, on the other hand, was very impressive.
[.]
I'm gonna ask you to introduce yourself, and then you can say hello to everybody in New York City.
Cool! Good.
Okay.
Hi, Beth, we're ready.
Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hello, this is Lisa Miller, reporting live from the White House.
La-la-la-la-la! Hey! [BOY CONTINUES SINGING.]