Newsreaders (2013) s01e02 Episode Script

Hedge Fund

Tonight on "Newsreaders" A cure for cancer? And other questions with the answer "no.
" Plus, I interview a cat sitter.
Also, from "Private Practice" to some of her more private practices, more of my interview with Kate Walsh.
All that and more, tonight on "Newsreaders.
" Our main story tonight -- hot, young hedge-fund manager Miles van Cleef.
His multibillion-dollar fund, Cleefside Trust, and his rock-star lifestyle made investing cool again for the first time.
But then, amidst allegations of fraud, Cleefside Trust went from boomto no money.
Narge Hemingway reports When I say "Miles van Cleef," you think "Scandal".
Miles van Cleef.
But it wasn't always this way.
His name topped every "Top 100 Eligible Bachelors" list.
His face graced the covers of magazines from top 100 to eligible bachelor.
His was a world of helicopter boats, double-cage foie gras, and all-you-can-eat supermodels.
Shawties be stuntin' In rap songs, his name became shorthand for "Money.
" yeah pocket fulla van Cleef yeah pocket fulla van Cleef yeah pocket fulla van Cleef Miles van Cleef seemed poised to become the world's youngest, and oldest, and only trillionaire Until May, when allegations of falsified statements and bankrupted investors forced van Cleef into a new relationship With media scrutiny.
Innocent? Guilty? Handsome? Or a little bit of both? So far, the jury is well-hung.
But just who Miles van Cleef? If I had to describe myself in three words, those three words would be "Not a liar.
" What do you want the public to know about you? That I'm a normal guy.
You read words like "corruption," "defrauding the elderly" you get ideas.
You have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen.
Let's get this out of the way.
The S.
E.
C.
claims you siphoned millions of dollars into a fictitious company, "Carpool," which you then used to buy cars and pools.
Untrue.
Mm-hmm.
They also claim you falsified legal documents naming your dog C.
E.
O.
of Carpool.
I don't even have a dog.
I don't know who that is.
So how did Miles van Cleef's world come crashing down? Where did he go wrong? I spoke to financial expert Anya Turpo to find out.
It's a Ponzi scheme.
Cleefside promises 15, pockets the money, finds new investors, uses their money to pay off the original I like your nails.
Oh.
I'm not a waitress? Excuse me? The color -- is it "I'm not a waitress"? No, it's red.
Ah.
I've looked into this man's business dealings, and let me tell you, this man is going to jail.
What's your obsession with Miles van Cleef? No obsession.
He's a very charming man.
He used that charm to deceive thousands of Americans who wanted to believe him, maybe, so I can understand getting swept up -- "away".
"Swept" -- "swept up" is right.
What you said is right -- not "away".
Right.
Yeah.
It's all there in the S.
E.
C.
investigation.
Red lip -- bold.
It is.
Is it too orangey? No.
No, it's perfect.
You look great.
Thanks, I know.
Despite having clearly done nothing wrong, the securities and exchange commission can't take its eyes off of Miles van Cleef.
Cleefside Trust is a massive fraud that far exceeds anything we ever saw with Madoff.
So couldn't you say, arguably, that that makes van Cleef very smart? Uh, no.
Or very successful? At Ponzi schemes? Van Cleef is under criminal investigation -- false yield claims, dummy corporations, diverted funds, offshore bank accounts, dog C.
E.
O.
Not his dog.
He misled charitable foundations into bankruptcy.
He's going to jail.
The dog? Facing an increasingly angry public, and with so much misinformation out there, Miles van Cleef needed to set the record straight.
The market caught me by surprise, like it did everyone else.
You know, if there were only -- Your teeth are so straight.
Look, you've lost the trust of the American people.
What reason do they have to believe you? If they don't believe me, they should talk to the people who know me best.
You know, they should talk to my parents.
Ah, I would love to get that kind of perspective.
With so many unanswered questions about how Cleefside Trust was run Oh, my God! This is the house he was born in! So tell me about Miles.
He did it.
All of it.
Miles exited the womb lying.
Oh, look at those curls! Awww! Did it get straighter, or does he do something to it? Poor, elderly teachers lost their pensions Makes me want to die.
Do you have any albums from high school? Just wondering if, you know-- does he have some old girlfriends, or if he had a type? He was a dick.
Some girls like that.
Why would anyone willfully bring van Cleef and the local economy down? Former Cleefside executive and whistleblower, name redacted.
I went along with it at first, but the names on those accounts had faces I mean human faces.
I wish I could say that about the C.
E.
O.
Oh, 'cause he's a dog.
Yeah.
Do you know what van Cleef did with those old teachers' pensions? Invest for their futures? He built a swimming pool shaped like Mickey mouse.
Miles doesn't even like Mickey mouse.
Miles was my friend.
I'll never forgive him.
What's hap-- what's happening with your face? What? Are you crying? No.
Ew.
At this point, van Cleef hadn't returned any of our follow-up calls, e-mails, texts, or Facebook requests.
It's clearly not a Mickey mouse-shaped pool.
Sorry, Mr.
van Cleef has been advised not to give any more interviews.
What? What did -- we're not at liberty to discuss the case further.
Didn't he have fun at our first interview? I mean Can -- 'cause Uh, unfortunately, but understandably, due to the ongoing nature of the criminal investigation, van Cleef wasn't granting anybody access -- Anya! Hi, uh, private financial discussions.
Oh.
I like your necklace.
That's -- it's -- it's, uh, it's nice.
It's pretty.
It turns out, van Cleef's instincts regarding long-term investments may have been a bit short-skirted -sighted.
Van Cleef clearly gave the public the shaft and left us holding the balls -- bag.
Holding the bag.
Can you not be in my way? I just want a cupcake! Pocket fulla cupcakes yeah pocket fulla cupcakes We're gonna be unraveling this case for years, but the public is paying for it right now with their tax dollars.
You know, those investors got the carpet pulled out from under them, which, incidentally, I did too, in advance of the second interview.
I was following you up until the carpet.
I got waxed.
Oh.
The American people deserve better.
My heart goes out to those who have been hurt.
Wow.
I didn't know the S.
E.
C.
had such a big heart.
S.
E.
C.
-- Security exchange of ideas -- or vows commitment.
I-it's "commission," but -- okay.
How old are you? Miles van Cleef -- a true story about the corrosive nature of greed, and about hedge funds, and ourselves, and how hedge funds work, and what are hedge funds? Also, a lot of stuff about Narge.
Now some thoughts from skip reming.
Our offices here at "Newsreaders" are on the 16th floor, but I don't take the elevator, because elevator etiquette is a lost art.
People get in before letting you out, and they fart after they get in, then they fart before they get out.
Between the air-raspberries and the cellphone chatter, you can't even hear the music.
So I take the stairs, bub -- 16 flights up.
Go ahead, feel my calves.
You could break a pool cue on 'em.
Hairless too, because I've been crankin' up my socks all the way to hell and gone since puberty was a gleam in my icy blues.
The stairs keep me young.
Thanks to those repetitive, little right angles, I will live long enough to walk on another planet and taste extra-terrestrial flesh.
Will it be briny and full of gristle, like a manatee steak, or lean and gamey like a Chinaman? You ever think about how weird stairs are? It's like you're walking along and there's a floor, then a little bit of a wall, then a little bit of a floor again, little bit of a wall, over and over and over again -- it's crazy! Also, you ever tried ecstasy? It's wonderful.
Next week on "Newsreaders," we ask the question, "Questions -- Should We Ask Them?" And did Texas execute an innocent man? The answer won't surprise you.
Also, we'll bring you a riches-to-rags story from the world of hip-hop.
"Van Cleef" was shorthand for "money".
How could I go wrong? And Dan Rather will be here with some of the sign-offs he did not use on "The CBS Evening News".
I'm Dan Rather.
Goodnight.
And remember don't hate the playa', hate the game.
Thanks for joining us.
I'll see you tomorrow, unless you die in your sleep, which happens more than you might think.
And that's part of our world tonight.
For "The CBS Evening News," Dan Rather reporting.
Someday, a real rain will come and wash all the scum off these streets.
Goodnight, and stay loose in the caboose.
I'm Louis LaFonda.
Goodnight.
Shawties be stuntin' frontin' for my man-beef grill wit' the gold teef yeah pocket fulla van Cleef yeah pocket fulla van Cleef yeah pocket fulla van Cleef yeah, this is O.
G.
Hemingway putting it down for the 20-12 and you do know that that's how it's goin' down, y'all