Newsreaders (2013) s01e07 Episode Script
Unborn Again
Coming up, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf? We'll meet a Denver English teacher with a most peculiar phobia.
And black-and-white photography-- how do they do it? Part one of our investigation.
Also, in the upcoming and much anticipated series finale of "Breaking Bad," Jesse gets out of the drug game to open up a bed-and-breakfast.
Actor Aaron Paul will be here to discuss the emotional end of the series.
All that and more tonight on "Newsreaders.
" It's 11:00.
Do you know where your teenagers are? Most likely taking part in a pro-life rally because saving the unborn is hot again.
Our own Louis LaFonda is me, and me brings us this story.
His name is Andrew Clatter-- young, hip, charismatic.
He's being called the other Tim Tebow of the pro-life movement.
From his deejaying and poetry to his wildly popular "Lifewear" clothing line, Andrew Clatter has rebooted the abortion protest.
Our first show, I didn't even know it was an abortion thing.
I was like, "I just want to hear him deejay.
" But if you come enough Mm-hmm.
you start to be like, "Wait a minute.
Roe V.
Wade? Really?" And how about you? You were also, "Really?" Yeah.
All of a sudden, I was like, "Oh, my God.
I guess abortion's not another form of birth control.
" Yeah.
Hmm.
Plus, I was all like, "His deejaying's, like, poetry.
" Yeah! And I'm like, "So is his poetry.
" So his poetry is like poetry? No.
But isn't that what you were all, like? No.
No.
She was like, "I'm all, his deejaying's like poetry.
" Okay.
And you were all -- I was like, "So is his poetry.
" Okay, so, I got it.
So, his poetry is all deejaying.
Is this a matter of Christian faith for you? My only faith is saving the unborn.
So, you're not a Christian? No.
I'm gay.
And yet, your cause is abortion and not gay rights? That's right.
Yeah, well, that kind of seems like a waste of your rock-hard abs.
There's only two things I'm committed to -- saving unborn children and beats and breaks that phrase like they were meant to be stage-matched.
Is that deejay lingo? Huh? No, that's deejay jargon.
Lingo's spinning out on the Hamptons this weekend.
For Andrew Clatter, his devotion to the cause comes from something that happened very early in his life.
I was 19, but I wasn't ready for a kid.
His father wasn't ready for a kid.
I mean, we were -- we were far too busy trying to save the world.
Was his father Bruce Willis in "Armageddon"? I thought so at the time.
You know, he was -- he was a hero to the hippies.
Bruce Willis? No, no.
Andrew's father.
Right.
The timing was bad.
The abortion just seemed to make sense.
You almost went through with it.
I-I was lying on the -- on the abortion table.
The dentist looked down at me -- Dentist? Dentists performed abortions in those days.
Of course.
And at the last minute, I just couldn't do it.
I got off that table.
I put my kaftan back on, and I just never saw him again.
The abortion dentist.
No, Andrew's coward of a father.
I married the abortion dentist.
Andrew's father is this man, Phillip Breck, a '60s activist famous for coining some of that era's most famous protest slogans -- "It's Nixon who needs fixin'", "Love a gal, not love canal," "BJs not LBJs," and "If you don't like my driving, call 1-800-eat-[beep.]
" Phillip Breck has tried, but he simply can't understand what his son has become.
At first, I was sympathetic.
You know, it's got to be hard for a kid to hear that your old man didn't want you to exist Sure.
that bringing down the president of the United States and going on tour with Jethro Tull was more important than your life.
But Andrew has dedicated his whole life to hating me, so, yeah, I've grown to hate him, too.
Plus, his movement is so corporate.
Do you in any way admire your son's commitment? The only thing I admire is that he had the courage to admit that he's gay.
Plus, I like telling people I have a gay son.
No, he's not gay.
Really? This gay thing, you know, I don't really get it because when he was in high school, he had a lot of girlfriends.
I often used to walk in on him having sex.
And there were even three-ways.
Three-ways like him with, like, with two chicks or him with, like, a chick and another dude? Always two chicks.
Because if it was two dudes, that might be a clue that he was gay.
No, he's not gay.
It sounds like you're calling him a liar.
Listen.
You know, I'm about as liberal as it gets.
Mm-hmm.
I had an MMFF with Allen Ginsberg, Timothy Leary, Joan BaezNo, wait.
It was Janis Joplin.
Well, actually, maybe both of them were there at the time.
And if you ask me, all men are liars.
Especially Allen Ginsberg.
Could it be that Andrew's passion is fueled not by ideals but by something else? Anger is what I'm trying to get at here.
Am I protesting the killing of the unborn to piss my father off? Is that really your question? Yes.
Yes, I'm doing it to piss my father off.
Really? First I thought by being gay, that would make him really angry.
Thought all dads would hate that.
Right, but your dad's a big liberal.
I wasn't thinking.
Now I'm stuck with being gay.
But it does make me angrier at him.
Andrew told us that he chose to be gay to make you angry.
He said that? Yes, he did.
That he chose to be gay? Yes.
You can't choose to be gay.
I know.
Now, that, right there, is so corporate.
I'm sorry.
These are yours.
His father's disapproval only seems to add fuel to Andrew Clatter's fire.
This is called "Free form, pre-form human form: I hate my father.
" "You say, 'Your body, your choice.
' but who will give me a voice? Unborn child, yearning to be.
I hate your facial hair, Phillip Breck, you dirty hippie.
" Blessed with a gift for words, it's easy to see how Andrew Clatter has galvanized thousands of young people.
Stop the murder! Stop the slaughter! Stop the what's another word for murder? Uhget got! Yeah, stop the unborn from getting got! That's good.
Thank you.
Yeah, sure.
Appreciate it.
Stop the unborn from getting got! On the day we were there, this protest about what women could do with their vaginas suddenly got personal.
Hold on.
What the hell's he doing here? No, no, no, no, no.
Pro-choice! Pro-choice! Pro-choice! Pro-choice! Pro-choice! Pro-choice! Your ex-wife was pro-life! Your mother and I were never married! Your mother and I were never married! Your mother and I were never married! With tensions high, "Newsreaders" stepped in to broker an accord the likes of which the American TV audience hadn't seen since Ho Chi Minh sat down with Lyndon Johnson on "The Dick Cavett Show.
" So, thank you both for agreeing to sit down.
Anything to stop the murder.
Oh, geez.
Phillip, you want to say more about that? What murder? Abortion is murder.
Really? You know what's murder? Having to have your mom teach you how to shave? No.
Rush-hour traffic on the belt parkway? No, listening to this corporate [bleep.]
This corporate [bleep.]
My corporate [bleep.]
sells out planned parenthood parking lots? I should have gotten an abortion dentist who could close the deal, okay? You win.
You win.
Great work, dad.
I'll see you.
Andrew, please.
No, there's two super hot chicks waiting for me outside, and they were like, "We really want to have sex with you.
" But I'm gonna skip that and just go probably do a bunch of gay stuff.
You can't choose to be gay.
It's not a choice? No, it's biological.
Oh, okay.
So, then you're not pro-choice.
In the days following the unsuccessful Breck/Clatter summit, Andrew Clatter has devoted himself to a new cause -- encouraging people to choose to be gay.
We're queer! We choosed it! Get used to it! And Phillip Breck is back protesting, this time against choosing to be gay.
Which holes to use! You cannot choose which holes to use! You cannot choose which holes to use! But I still support gay rights! I'm not with them.
It's very hateful.
Andrew Clatter and Phillip Breck, a story that will make you want to wake up your sleeping son and hug him tight or finally get that abortion you've been putting off.
And now Skip Reming is here, so I hope you're paying attention.
A lot has changed since I was a young man.
Alaska and Hawaii are states, we're no longer at war with New Zealand, women now write fiction and can drive at night.
Time marches on.
But these days, time seems to be marching to the beat of a drummer making awful music.
In my day, losing your virginity was a glorious rite of passage.
But that first piece of trim doesn't mean anything to kids these days.
None of it means anything anymore.
To get an idea of how bad it's gotten, spend an afternoon trolling for porn with my grandsons.
We're in the wild west of mossy sin canoes, and you're gonna have a paddle whether you like it or not, mister.
I wrote that.
You name it, you can watch it.
Blondes, brunettes, Hungarians, real G.
F.
, female-friendly -- all in all, more kinks than a Moroccan sex bazaar.
It's like recreational sex is part of this generation's G.
I.
Bill, but they didn't have to go to war to get it.
Now that I think about it, with all the good stuff on the Internet, I don't know how kids today even find time to lose their virginity.
I just remembered a few others-- hentai, mature, dorm room, Asian -- fantastic stuff, completely lost on this generation -- completely.
And finally tonight, a quick correction.
It turns out that our exclusive report last week on a new hotel for dogs was actually just the first 10 minutes of the family film "Hotel For Dogs.
" We apologize for any confusion.
I'm Louis LaFonda.
Good night.
And black-and-white photography-- how do they do it? Part one of our investigation.
Also, in the upcoming and much anticipated series finale of "Breaking Bad," Jesse gets out of the drug game to open up a bed-and-breakfast.
Actor Aaron Paul will be here to discuss the emotional end of the series.
All that and more tonight on "Newsreaders.
" It's 11:00.
Do you know where your teenagers are? Most likely taking part in a pro-life rally because saving the unborn is hot again.
Our own Louis LaFonda is me, and me brings us this story.
His name is Andrew Clatter-- young, hip, charismatic.
He's being called the other Tim Tebow of the pro-life movement.
From his deejaying and poetry to his wildly popular "Lifewear" clothing line, Andrew Clatter has rebooted the abortion protest.
Our first show, I didn't even know it was an abortion thing.
I was like, "I just want to hear him deejay.
" But if you come enough Mm-hmm.
you start to be like, "Wait a minute.
Roe V.
Wade? Really?" And how about you? You were also, "Really?" Yeah.
All of a sudden, I was like, "Oh, my God.
I guess abortion's not another form of birth control.
" Yeah.
Hmm.
Plus, I was all like, "His deejaying's, like, poetry.
" Yeah! And I'm like, "So is his poetry.
" So his poetry is like poetry? No.
But isn't that what you were all, like? No.
No.
She was like, "I'm all, his deejaying's like poetry.
" Okay.
And you were all -- I was like, "So is his poetry.
" Okay, so, I got it.
So, his poetry is all deejaying.
Is this a matter of Christian faith for you? My only faith is saving the unborn.
So, you're not a Christian? No.
I'm gay.
And yet, your cause is abortion and not gay rights? That's right.
Yeah, well, that kind of seems like a waste of your rock-hard abs.
There's only two things I'm committed to -- saving unborn children and beats and breaks that phrase like they were meant to be stage-matched.
Is that deejay lingo? Huh? No, that's deejay jargon.
Lingo's spinning out on the Hamptons this weekend.
For Andrew Clatter, his devotion to the cause comes from something that happened very early in his life.
I was 19, but I wasn't ready for a kid.
His father wasn't ready for a kid.
I mean, we were -- we were far too busy trying to save the world.
Was his father Bruce Willis in "Armageddon"? I thought so at the time.
You know, he was -- he was a hero to the hippies.
Bruce Willis? No, no.
Andrew's father.
Right.
The timing was bad.
The abortion just seemed to make sense.
You almost went through with it.
I-I was lying on the -- on the abortion table.
The dentist looked down at me -- Dentist? Dentists performed abortions in those days.
Of course.
And at the last minute, I just couldn't do it.
I got off that table.
I put my kaftan back on, and I just never saw him again.
The abortion dentist.
No, Andrew's coward of a father.
I married the abortion dentist.
Andrew's father is this man, Phillip Breck, a '60s activist famous for coining some of that era's most famous protest slogans -- "It's Nixon who needs fixin'", "Love a gal, not love canal," "BJs not LBJs," and "If you don't like my driving, call 1-800-eat-[beep.]
" Phillip Breck has tried, but he simply can't understand what his son has become.
At first, I was sympathetic.
You know, it's got to be hard for a kid to hear that your old man didn't want you to exist Sure.
that bringing down the president of the United States and going on tour with Jethro Tull was more important than your life.
But Andrew has dedicated his whole life to hating me, so, yeah, I've grown to hate him, too.
Plus, his movement is so corporate.
Do you in any way admire your son's commitment? The only thing I admire is that he had the courage to admit that he's gay.
Plus, I like telling people I have a gay son.
No, he's not gay.
Really? This gay thing, you know, I don't really get it because when he was in high school, he had a lot of girlfriends.
I often used to walk in on him having sex.
And there were even three-ways.
Three-ways like him with, like, with two chicks or him with, like, a chick and another dude? Always two chicks.
Because if it was two dudes, that might be a clue that he was gay.
No, he's not gay.
It sounds like you're calling him a liar.
Listen.
You know, I'm about as liberal as it gets.
Mm-hmm.
I had an MMFF with Allen Ginsberg, Timothy Leary, Joan BaezNo, wait.
It was Janis Joplin.
Well, actually, maybe both of them were there at the time.
And if you ask me, all men are liars.
Especially Allen Ginsberg.
Could it be that Andrew's passion is fueled not by ideals but by something else? Anger is what I'm trying to get at here.
Am I protesting the killing of the unborn to piss my father off? Is that really your question? Yes.
Yes, I'm doing it to piss my father off.
Really? First I thought by being gay, that would make him really angry.
Thought all dads would hate that.
Right, but your dad's a big liberal.
I wasn't thinking.
Now I'm stuck with being gay.
But it does make me angrier at him.
Andrew told us that he chose to be gay to make you angry.
He said that? Yes, he did.
That he chose to be gay? Yes.
You can't choose to be gay.
I know.
Now, that, right there, is so corporate.
I'm sorry.
These are yours.
His father's disapproval only seems to add fuel to Andrew Clatter's fire.
This is called "Free form, pre-form human form: I hate my father.
" "You say, 'Your body, your choice.
' but who will give me a voice? Unborn child, yearning to be.
I hate your facial hair, Phillip Breck, you dirty hippie.
" Blessed with a gift for words, it's easy to see how Andrew Clatter has galvanized thousands of young people.
Stop the murder! Stop the slaughter! Stop the what's another word for murder? Uhget got! Yeah, stop the unborn from getting got! That's good.
Thank you.
Yeah, sure.
Appreciate it.
Stop the unborn from getting got! On the day we were there, this protest about what women could do with their vaginas suddenly got personal.
Hold on.
What the hell's he doing here? No, no, no, no, no.
Pro-choice! Pro-choice! Pro-choice! Pro-choice! Pro-choice! Pro-choice! Your ex-wife was pro-life! Your mother and I were never married! Your mother and I were never married! Your mother and I were never married! With tensions high, "Newsreaders" stepped in to broker an accord the likes of which the American TV audience hadn't seen since Ho Chi Minh sat down with Lyndon Johnson on "The Dick Cavett Show.
" So, thank you both for agreeing to sit down.
Anything to stop the murder.
Oh, geez.
Phillip, you want to say more about that? What murder? Abortion is murder.
Really? You know what's murder? Having to have your mom teach you how to shave? No.
Rush-hour traffic on the belt parkway? No, listening to this corporate [bleep.]
This corporate [bleep.]
My corporate [bleep.]
sells out planned parenthood parking lots? I should have gotten an abortion dentist who could close the deal, okay? You win.
You win.
Great work, dad.
I'll see you.
Andrew, please.
No, there's two super hot chicks waiting for me outside, and they were like, "We really want to have sex with you.
" But I'm gonna skip that and just go probably do a bunch of gay stuff.
You can't choose to be gay.
It's not a choice? No, it's biological.
Oh, okay.
So, then you're not pro-choice.
In the days following the unsuccessful Breck/Clatter summit, Andrew Clatter has devoted himself to a new cause -- encouraging people to choose to be gay.
We're queer! We choosed it! Get used to it! And Phillip Breck is back protesting, this time against choosing to be gay.
Which holes to use! You cannot choose which holes to use! You cannot choose which holes to use! But I still support gay rights! I'm not with them.
It's very hateful.
Andrew Clatter and Phillip Breck, a story that will make you want to wake up your sleeping son and hug him tight or finally get that abortion you've been putting off.
And now Skip Reming is here, so I hope you're paying attention.
A lot has changed since I was a young man.
Alaska and Hawaii are states, we're no longer at war with New Zealand, women now write fiction and can drive at night.
Time marches on.
But these days, time seems to be marching to the beat of a drummer making awful music.
In my day, losing your virginity was a glorious rite of passage.
But that first piece of trim doesn't mean anything to kids these days.
None of it means anything anymore.
To get an idea of how bad it's gotten, spend an afternoon trolling for porn with my grandsons.
We're in the wild west of mossy sin canoes, and you're gonna have a paddle whether you like it or not, mister.
I wrote that.
You name it, you can watch it.
Blondes, brunettes, Hungarians, real G.
F.
, female-friendly -- all in all, more kinks than a Moroccan sex bazaar.
It's like recreational sex is part of this generation's G.
I.
Bill, but they didn't have to go to war to get it.
Now that I think about it, with all the good stuff on the Internet, I don't know how kids today even find time to lose their virginity.
I just remembered a few others-- hentai, mature, dorm room, Asian -- fantastic stuff, completely lost on this generation -- completely.
And finally tonight, a quick correction.
It turns out that our exclusive report last week on a new hotel for dogs was actually just the first 10 minutes of the family film "Hotel For Dogs.
" We apologize for any confusion.
I'm Louis LaFonda.
Good night.