No Ordinary Family s01e09 Episode Script

No Ordinary Anniversary

Every Story has a beginning.
We were just an ordinary family, until Hold on!! Oh my God! Something extraordinary has happened.
You can jump just over a quarter mile, can lift 11,000 pounds.
I'm fast.
I can hear people's thoughts.
I've got, like, this super-brain.
So you turned your garage into What every secret crime-fighter needs a lair.
Don't you see? I can finally make a difference.
I think I liked us better when we were just dysfunctional.
I can't believe you and Stephanie have been married for 18 years.
That's a long time.
It's like your marriage is finally old enough to vote and have sex.
Thank you.
That's lovely.
For a while there, I wasn't sure we'd get past 17.
I was with you, man.
Who would've thought that the key to a happy marriage was a plane crash and some superpowers? Mm, but I just wanted to make this anniversary special.
N no kids, no criminals.
Just the two of us, alone.
Jim, it's show time.
Showtime? It's a fire.
How do I even know if my body would withstand that kinda heat? The same way you figured out you could stop bullets.
I mean, sometimes if you wanna help people, you gotta take a leap.
Please! Somebody! Somebody help me! I was in the building.
I found the kid while I was trying to get out.
That's a lucky kid.
Back behind the tape.
Help us out here.
Back it up! Hey! Hey! We gotta have the E.
M.
T.
's check you out, man, make sure you're okay.
Oh, it's not necessary.
I'm fine.
But I need it.
No, you want it.
It's the only computer on the market that's fast enough to keep up with me.
No.
I'm sorry, J.
J.
And if you want it so bad, You're just gonna have to save up for it with your allowance.
Great.
In nine years, five months, one week, and three days, I can look forward to that purchase.
All right, just a reminder you're gonna have to keep your powers under wraps when Mrs.
Kornbluth comes to stay tomorrow.
Wait, what? Mrs.
Kornbluth? Well, what else did you think was gonna happen when your father and I go stay overnight at a hotel to celebrate our anniversary? Mom, Mrs.
Kornbluth is 86.
We practically have to take care of her.
We can stay alone for one night.
I'm old enough to supervise.
Daphne, you're only 16.
I can operate a motor vehicle.
I am perfectly capable of operating a J.
J.
Hi.
Oh, hey.
We were just talking about whether Daphne was old enough to be in charge tomorrow night.
I don't see why not.
Daph's a responsible kid.
Uh, can I talk to you for one minute? I just walked down a hallway engulfed in flames.
And I I should be medium well, but look at me! I'm fine.
Nothing.
Sounds like an escalation of your abilities.
Or maybe we just missed it in the first round of tests.
I mean, George was too busy shooting at me or running me over with his car for us to even consider fire.
George hit you with his car? It it was a rental.
Mm.
Subject "Y" resistant to high levels of heat.
Now I don't want to miss anything, so back up to when you first entered the burning building.
Well, I don't want to brag, but I guess the term would be Flame-retardant.
How retardant? Mm.
Impervious like power man? Or fireproof like my home safe that houses my autographed photo of president Roslin? You know, the president of the 12 colonies? "Battlestar"? Hello?! We just have to find out how fireproof Jim is.
That's why I pulled his tissue sample from the cryo freezer.
Okay, well, I can test the degree of molecular alteration under elevated temperatures.
Um After I ask you a personal question Okay, how did you know that Jim was the one? 'Cause okay, see, this guy that I'm dating Will.
Yes.
Will.
So he's sweet and he's hot, Mm.
I mean, he's not flame-retardant, but, you know, still very hot.
But he's kinda hard to read sometimes.
that's just the normal part of getting to know somebody.
Oh, well, um, It's part of the fun, actually.
So what are we working on today, ladies? Uh, standard deviations on the Trilsettum Coronis.
Range of thermal pressure, you know.
Then you won't mind if I take a look at what was just on your slide.
Not until I formulate a conclusion.
I'm just not ready to share.
Dr.
Powell, I'm your lab partner.
Ever consider I may be of help? Francis, this isn't personal.
You are systematically preventing me from doing my job.
It doesn't get any more personal than that.
Well, I don't think he likes us very much.
Hey! Pacific Bay's first ever female quarterback.
Dude, you should probably get this book.
Come on.
No, seriously.
You can get it.
Come on, guys.
Really? Ohh! Look at her jump.
You know, the girls' basketball team could use a new point guard.
Uh, dude, I I forget to tell you, but I gotta cancel poker tonight.
My dad bailed on his business trip to Hong Kong.
I was looking forward to a high stakes game.
Finally figured out where my mom hides all her shopping money.
Like how much? Oh, yeah, easily over a grand.
Hey.
My parents are away.
We could play poker at my house.
Uh, do you even know how? No, but it's pretty basic, right? I mean, I could always just read up on it.
No, no, read up on it.
You'll be ready by tonight.
Definitely.
Jim, you spent too much.
Well Actually, no, I didn't, 'Cause I made it.
You made it? See? It's us.
No matter how different we've become or whatever rough patches we've been through, when we're together, we just Fit.
This must've taken you forever to make.
Well, actually, one of the benefits of my new strength is I can shape marble with my bare hands.
So Oh! Oh, Jim, it's so beautiful.
Mm.
So are you.
You ready? We got a big night planned.
Okay, kids, we will be heading out.
See ya! Bye, guys.
Happy anniversary.
So, uh, just remember, I can literally be back here in seconds if you need anything.
Bye, guys.
Have fun.
Happy anniversary.
Come on.
All right.
Are we bad parents, leaving our kids alone like this? Hey, they're not alone.
That's why we had two.
They're gonna be fine.
Tonight's just about us.
Mm.
George, I'm taking the night off.
Check the fine print of the manual you never received.
It says that superheroes don't get the night off.
George, it's my anniversary, remember? Yeah, well, I guess you don't want to know that the fire you pulled that kid out of was the fourth one this month.
Not tonight, I don't.
Okay, well, how about the fact the witnesses have I.
D.
'd some creepy looking dude at two other fires? No, George.
Steph and I have been planning this night for a long time.
I get it.
I'm just look, all the signs are pointing to one thing serial arsonist.
Then let the police handle this one.
I'm on a date with my girl.
Good-bye, George.
We're running about 45 minutes behind.
But it's a special occasion.
It's our anniversary.
Everyone's night is special.
I'll get it! If that's Mrs.
Kornbluth, way to show some faith, mom.
I know, right? * Gentlemen, you'll find your cards and chips on the table and refreshments in the refrigerator.
All right, all right.
Let the party begin.
Not too shabby, man.
Hope you hit the A.
T.
M.
, Powell.
Hello.
Hey, sweetheart.
All righty.
Are you out of your mind? If you don't get rid of these guys, I will.
Calm down.
We're just gonna play a little poker.
Seven card stud.
Don't you get it? Poker is all about odds and probability.
What?! My brain will do it's super-thing.
I will clean these guys out and get the money I need for my new computer.
I don't care about your stupid computer, J.
J.
If mom and dad find out about this, they're gonna take away my car forever.
All right, if you let me do this, I'll cut you in.
Fine.
60/40.
* Okay, 50/50, but you gotta help me clean up afterwards.
Deal.
Have fun.
Arson is suspected to be the cause of the Jefferson street fire Thursday afternoon, the fourth in a string of blazes.
Still no word yet on possible suspects.
You wanted to see me? Francis.
Good.
Come in.
Mm? I just wanted to check in on how work in Dr.
Powell's lab is progressing.
It's not.
She's extremely territorial and has systematically excluded me from her research.
That's odd.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
Why wouldn't she want to use you as a resource? I've given up trying to figure that out.
Mm.
I feel I'd be of more use to you if I pursued my own research.
Of course.
In time.
Until then, I'd like you to keep a watchful eye on Dr.
Powell.
Sir, forgive me, but, uh It sounds like you're asking me to spy for you.
That word.
That's It's so cold war.
Frankly, I didn't spend 12 years at Cal tech and ten years with this company to waste my talents being some kind of high tech gossip girl.
Well there are other ways to go about this.
Such as? Such as Pack up your things, Francis.
You're fired.
Look, I know I said I wouldn't call Oh, are you and Jim fighting? I always get in silly fights when I'm wearing my best outfits.
I don't know if it's the expectations or the high heels, but frankly, it never ends well.
No, I yeah, I just, uh, I just called.
I have a small favor to ask you.
Um It it's the first time we've left the kids alone overnight, and I was just wondering if maybe you could stop by and check in on them.
Uh.
sure.
If if it's a problem, you don't have to.
I No.
No problem.
Not at all a problem.
I have a problem.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
Did you say somethin'? It's hard to pay attention to anything besides that dress.
Um, no.
I just I just have to do a little teeny errand before we go to dinner.
At my boss' house.
No worries.
I'll come with you.
You really don't mind? No, not at all.
Okay.
Hey.
How are we doing here? My charm seemed only to have an effect on you.
No luck with the hostess.
Mm.
You know, let me try my hand at it.
Excuse me, how much longer till But you didn't even look at a book.
There are lots of things I can do, but making time move faster isn't one of them.
Uh Ohh.
You know what? She can't, but i can.
What What did you do? Powell, party of two? That's what I did.
That's us.
Right here.
Boom.
I got 4s over 2s.
Pair of deuces.
I got a pair of 8s.
Ha ha! All righty.
Are you kidding me? Again? Yeah! All right! Yeah, it must've been a good book you read.
Well, I'm a fast learner.
Kid, you're a hustler.
You're obviously counting cards or something.
I'm sure it's just beginner's luck.
Okay, well, then let's see how lucky you are when we switch to five card draw And you can't see the cards.
Okay.
To my wife, whose beauty is only exceeded by her speed.
Mmm, and to my husband, my strength literally.
Check my name again, please.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Morgan, but it'll be at least another 45 minutes.
Mm.
Morgan.
That's the name I replaced ours with.
Listen, I'm going to propose to my girlfriend tonight, and I wanted it to be special.
Yes, everyone's night is special.
* Excuse me! Uh, excuse me.
We'd like to give him our table.
We can't seat you for another For another 45 minutes.
We know.
Thank you so much.
Sure.
Good luck.
I'm so sorry things aren't working out like we planned.
You know, actually, I have another plan.
Dinner is served.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Wow.
Thank God you didn't have that kind of appetite when we first started dating.
I would've needed a second job.
Oh, I know it's been a crazy year.
Mm.
We couldn't invent half the stuff that's happened to us.
Yeah, I'm I think we're doing great.
Mmm.
Better than ever, I'd say.
Oh.
Nobody inside! All clear! Steph, call the police.
Tell them the arsonist is on site.
No, Jim wait.
No, just I'll be fine.
Stay here.
Promise? Promise.
How are ya? Haven't I seen you before? Like at another fire? If I were you, I'd get out of my way.
If you were me, you wouldn't be killing people.
Trust me, you don't know what you're dealing with.
Well then I guess we have something in common.
You, too? What? What are you Everybody's got a boiling point.
Let's find out what yours is.
Uhh! Aah! Uhh! Aah! Happy anniversary.
Are you okay? Oh, my God.
I know.
That was Incredible.
Just try to take some deep breaths.
That was what? The the adrenaline, the endorphin rush.
I mean, this is what you've been telling me about.
This whole time, I never understood why you wanted to play hero.
But feel my heart! My God, it's beating so fast! I feel so alive! Come here.
Come on.
Come here! What? Oh! Oh, no, no, honey.
Why don't we wait till we get back to the hotel? No, no.
Not that.
It's called keeping your secret identity.
People who use sirens usually ask questions we don't want to give the answer to.
Oh! Oh, no.
What is it? They're taking him into custody.
Well, that's what they usually do when they catch bad guys.
Yeah, but, honey, he's not just a bad guy.
He's, like, a a super villain.
Is that what you call them? Do you have something better? Well, no, but I'm sure Katie might.
I think they're gonna take him to the hospital first.
So what do we do now? Welcome to my world, honey.
Mm.
Boom! Let me see 'em.
I've got nothin'.
Uh, a pair.
Two pairs.
I think this one's mine.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Looks like I got a straight here.
Ohh! This is a bit of a problem.
You're almost out of chips.
So much for that beginner's luck.
It's a momentary setback.
Glad to hear it, 'cause for a second, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to take any more of your money! They're cleaning me out.
I can't see their cards, which means I can't count their cards, which means I'm screwed.
Why couldn't I have gotten X-ray vision or something? You wanna trade in powers? Get in line.
I wish I had invisibility and could just disappear right now.
Wait.
That's it.
Your power.
You can read minds, which means You can tell if they're bluffing.
Unh-unh.
No way, J.
J.
If we use both of our powers, that's math plus truth.
Together, we're some sort of unstoppable poker machine.
You want some poker advice? Fold.
Now.
How's this I will do all your homework until you graduate Gosh, perfect.
From college.
Probably the most exciting Friday night she's ever had.
Look at her checking me out.
Oh, yeah.
She wants it.
All right, fine.
Let's take him down.
I cannot believe it! I cannot believe you brought a girl to the lair.
I can't believe you guys have a lair.
Is that what you call it, "the lair"? 'Cause it's kind of on the nose.
Could we just focus here, please? When this guy regains consciousness, he he's gonna try to escape by charbroiling a hospital full of innocent people.
Unless we break him out first.
Well, look who's suddenly all on board with the superhero-ing.
Not a bad idea, actually break him out before he breaks himself out.
It's not a good idea, either.
There is a safer, more subtle way to do this using my superpower the law.
I'll just convince Cordero to release him.
An arsonist? Ah! Suspected arsonist, Jim.
All right, let's say we do get him out, what then? We hope he decides to just behave himself? Well, we could Sedate him.
You know I should have partnered with her.
If he has these abilities, then his body chemistry will be very similar to ours.
I could synthesize a mild sedative, maybe even find a way to neutralize his powers.
How we gonna do that? Mm.
Welcome to my world, Jim.
Look in his eye.
Act like you have it.
Don't call.
Don't call.
Call.
Pot is mine, unless this lucky bastard can beat trip 9s.
What's it called when they're all the same suit? A flush.
Guess your beginner's luck is back, pal.
Maybe Or maybe it's just regular luck.
This is terrific.
Yes, if the sedative works.
We have no idea how this will react with our arsonist's super-biology.
No, no.
I I mean this.
You and me, working on this together.
It finally made me realize what's been missing from my crime-fighting.
Tights and a cape? You.
Everything's better when I do it with you, Steph.
Dr.
Powell? And, uh I'm not even gonna pretend to recall your name.
What are you doing here? I would ask the same thing of you, except it's not my job to care anymore.
What do you mean? Why are you packing up your station? I suppose it's the razor-sharp mind I've lost out to.
I think he's trying to tell us he's been fired, Steph.
What? What happened? We're all as expendable as test tubes here, Dr.
Powell.
All of us.
I'd watch my back if I were you.
Forget it, dude.
Come on.
Why don't we play another hand? You guys got some cash, right? Excuse me.
I gotta get the door.
Please say that's pizza.
Katie! What are what are you doing here? An excellent question, given that I am on a date.
But your mother asked me to check up on you.
Well, as you can see, we are doing great.
Totally great.
Okay, well, your word is good enough for me.
Okay.
All right.
Actually, I'm I'm sure Dr.
Powell would want us to take a look inside.
Oh.
Yeah, okay.
Sorry.
Come on, deal up, deal up.
Let's go, let's go.
Daphne? J.
J.
? Your mother didn't say anything about you having guests.
Who's this? The person who's responsible for keeping what's happening here from happening here.
So, uh Everybody out.
I raise you.
You should go.
Now.
Yeah, uh We should probably get going.
You're kidding me, right? Come on, guys.
Okay.
Little faster, please.
Okay.
Okay.
Two witnesses put him at the scene of tonight's fire.
Well, if it was a fire, I'm sure there were plenty of spectators.
Not ones matching the description of a man that was seen at three other fires.
Once he regains consciousness, I'm putting him in a line-up.
If the witness don't pick him out, then what? You got nothin'.
Isn't it your job to prove the suspect's guilty? It is my job to secure a conviction.
To that end, release him, we'll keep a tail on him, when we've got enough for an indictment, then we'll pounce.
Detective? Suspect's regained consciousness.
I gotta go.
Hey, you know what? Thanks for always looking out for me, St.
cloud.
You the Detective? I want my phone call.
Cordero didn't go for it.
So much for your superpower.
Looks like we're back to using yours and Steph's.
You're the one who gave me these powers.
I'd hate to have to tell the cops about it.
That would be unfortunate.
But I'm unclear as to what you think I can do for you.
They're moving me to the police precinct house.
They're taking him down for a line-up.
Obviously, that wouldn't work out too well for me.
Or you.
It wouldn't seem so, no.
And I can't think of another way to escape without settin' a whole lot of people on fire.
Unless I were to get you out of custody somehow.
Exactly.
We're back to you and Steph busting this guy out.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
We're on the way.
Someone's on the way.
It's simple deductive reasoning.
Having knowledge about something doesn't mean you have to tell our parents about it.
Okay, so you're forcing me to choose between being the cool, hip aunt and the dutiful underling.
May I recommend cool, hip aunt? Excuse me.
Is there some place that I can wash my hands? Yeah, down the hall.
Sorry.
Okay, I think it's time to clean up.
Go.
Okay.
Subject X ran 10 miles in under 5 seconds.
Subject Y impervious to bullets at considerable distance, compromised at close range.
Yeah? I'll take care of it.
Suspect's name is Theo patton.
According to dispatch, they're transporting him to the precinct through the warehouse district.
That's good.
Nice and quiet this time of night.
Looks like the best place to intercept is at 14th and Vanderlin, so, Steph, you're gonna park in the middle of the road to block the police van.
It'll look like a damsel in distress.
W I was gonna say a woman with car trouble, but Do your thing.
Anyway, while the cops are dealing with her, you are gonna bust patton out.
W do you guys Do this all the time? Yeah, sometimes.
Sometimes we just beat guys up.
Okay, so once Steph sedates the guy, then we'll just bring him back here.
Come on.
Let's go.
Whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
"Back here" as in my house? Just until I can determine how to suppress his powers.
I mean, everyone has their kryptonite.
I just need to buy enough time to find out what his is.
Okay, hey, while you're at it, could you do me a favor and just give me a little extra fire insurance? No, don't worry.
Once I identify his vulnerable D.
N.
A.
Strands, I will isolate a molecular pathogen that will trigger Patton's cellular senescence, rendering his powers inert forever.
Duh.
Damn.
18 years well spent.
How about this in exchange for you not telling our parents about this little incident, I will complete all of your outstanding lab work.
Nice try.
I'm so sorry, Katie, but I'm gonna have to go.
Oh, already? Why? Work emergency.
I can drop you at home on my way to the office.
Yeah, o okay.
Um one second? Yeah.
Okay.
Okay, this is your lucky break.
Quid pro quo time.
I will keep my mouth shut about poker night if you'll find out if will really has to work or if he's just bailing on the worst third date ever.
You brought him over to babysit and you really need a mind reader? You need to be sure.
Yeah, thank you.
Ahem.
You know, it must be rewarding to be as committed to your work as you are.
I'm just curious where are you headed this time of night? Well, like Katie, my boss keeps me on a tight leash.
It's nice to meet you, Daphne.
Katie, I'll wait for you outside? Uh, okay.
Okay, now remember, I'm very vulnerable right now.
Um He was telling the truth.
It's a work thing.
Um, I'm gonna go home, uh, alone, and you guys just try not to violate any more parental rules.
Okay.
I think Katie's right.
Way too much drama for one night.
Oh, no.
No, no, no! Uh i it'll be okay.
It is shattered into 14 non-contiguous pieces.
How could it be okay? Uh can't your super brain fix it? Y uh, reassembling uh, like a like a Jigsaw puzzle.
I'm just saying once you get picked out of the line-up, that's it.
Deal's off the table.
Why would I make a deal, huh? You're not gonna find any accelerants at the scene or at my apartment.
That's just 'cause we haven't finished looking yet.
We'll find something.
Fires don't start themselves.
You'd be surprised.
The marble does seem to have fractured in a mathematical pattern.
And in fact, if I can remember correctly, marble striates according to very specific geological principles, but once I reassemble it, we're gonna have to finish it with epoxy glue, sanding equipment, and marble Polish.
Okay, and we'd get those where? Well, all the stores are closed, so maybe at the art studio at the school.
The school that's locked up right now that school? Yeah, we can just break in and borrow some.
Break into our High School? Well, it's either that, or you can tell the man who can mould marble with his bare hands that someone broke his wife's anniversary present.
Right.
Okay, I'm driving.
All righty.
Careful.
Grab the fingers.
I got the fingers! All right! That's George.
He calls you a lot when you two are chasing bad guys.
Why do you think I switched to unlimited minutes? Relax, George.
We're only about a half mile away from the transfer point.
Jim, you don't understand.
Someone got to him first.
What? I just heard it over the scanner the van flipped.
It's down.
It's done.
Ugh how could this have happened? I don't know.
Think I'm out of explanations for tonight.
Oh, my God.
Hey, Jim, look.
I'll go.
No.
I can do it.
At the speed I move, I'm faster than fire.
Honey, it's too dangerous.
Well, now you know how I usually feel.
Look, I'll be fine.
You just help these guys.
Be careful.
Mm.
Go.
Go.
How did you even open that door? Locks are just a series of driver pins that need to be depressed in a specific pattern.
It's a matter of basic math, really.
Little late for school, don't you think? Um, uh, I we broke my mother's anniversary gift, and and we just wanted to get into the art department and fix it.
Aw.
That's sweet.
What the hell do I get out of it? 11 bucks an hour to put up with this crap they don't pay me enough.
What if we were to make it worth your while To have you forget that you ever saw us here? That is my poker money! And better than your bail money.
Thank you, sir.
Enjoy your evening.
Whoever you are, I'm only gonna say this once stay away! I can't.
I can't let you hurt anybody else.
Who is that? Who are you? Oh Are you all right? Yeah.
Let me see.
Uhh! You're done! We did it.
Glue should be completely dry in 20 minutes.
Don't worry.
Mom and dad will never know the difference.
That's not what's bothering me.
Look, you know how Katie asked me to read will's mind earlier? I did, or at least I tried But all I heard was Static or, like, white noise.
What do you mean? He had no thoughts? No, like He blocked me.
Like he knew what I was trying to do.
Hey, mom.
Daphne, are you guys okay? Um, yeah, we're we're perfect.
Uh, is everything all right with you guys? Yes.
No.
Your, uh, look, your your father and I we've decided to come home instead of spending the night out.
Uh okay! Uh, we will just be here At home, waiting for you guys.
Drive safely! We are so dead.
We cannot be late! Oh! Thank you! Thanks! Do you usually feel like this, you know after? No.
Usually, I just save someone.
This is the first time I've ever You didn't have a choice, Jim.
Do you think Before he got his powers, that guy was ever anything like us? No.
No, he was never like us.
Come on.
Let's go home.
Hello? Oh, hi.
Hey, guys.
How was your evening? Uh Memorable.
Looks like you guys weren't up to much.
Not really.
Nope! Hold on.
What's this? I, uh Was teaching Daphne how to play online poker.
Poker? Poker with with a mind reader? Come on, J.
J.
Even I know better than that.
Seems like you two were up to something tonight.
Redecorating? Ah.
But I must say, my statue does look so much better over here.
You know, I know tonight didn't turn out like we planned, but you were amazing we were amazing.
You, me, together? Partners in crime-fighting? It was amazing.
It was great most of it.
But I think I'm gonna leave this crime-fighting stuff up to you from now on.
You know, some parents don't even fly on the same airplane together because they think that's too risky.
Mm.
I don't think I could sleep knowing we're both putting our lives in danger.
Besides, we have enough things to worry about these days.
Mmm.
Oh, mm.
You were supposed to set him free, not let him get killed.
There were unforeseen factors.
Yeah.
Accidents happen.
Well Maybe in the future We'll both take more care.
Dr.
king don't worry.
It's not forever.
Just long enough To remind you what it's like to be normal again.