On My Block (2018) s02e07 Episode Script

Chapter Seventeen

1 [GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING] [JAMAL] Curse, be gone! No way.
Not my house.
I can't.
I know it's a lot to ask, but I'm leaving tomorrow morning.
I I just need a few days so I can make arrangements with my family out of state.
No.
Not even a day.
His affiliation has already brought violence to our house! Listen.
I know how you're feeling about Cesar.
Okay.
I I understand.
Especially after everything that happened.
But this is a child with nowhere to go.
With no options.
I can't.
I won't do it.
Geny imagine if it was Mario.
Or Ruby.
Imagine.
We gotta hop to it fast [CLANKING] And get your money Money, money, money, money, money - Good morning.
- Morning.
You're good, dude.
[GRUNTS] It's okay.
Oh.
Sorry.
Uh, do you need some help? - No, man.
I got it handled.
- Okay.
- Mi hijo! Mi hijo! Mi hijo! - Oh, sorry.
[RUBY] Ma, what is this? - [GENY] It's a decoration.
- [GRUNTS] Ruby, I don't have time to argue right now.
[RUBY] Ma, the baby shower is in two days and this is all you got? - Yes.
So? - It's half-ass! Which is fitting, because that baby is only half mine! Wow! Do you hear yourself? You want the baby to be all yours? Don't you think there's something fundamentally problematic about that? Not to mention creepy.
- Dude, watch out.
- I'm sorry.
I'll get out of the way.
[GRUNTS] Mario, watch your step! Otherwise I'm gonna take this thing off.
Don't! Don't, babe.
Just don't move.
Cesar, what did I say? You gotta be careful! The lady is preggers and she's not supposed to see the gift.
Got it.
Let me just get out of the way.
I can't live like this anymore.
[MONSE SIGHS] It's just a few more days.
Hang tight.
No, it's not a few more days.
This is my life now.
I don't have a family.
I don't have a home.
I don't even have a bed! No one wants me.
And if they do, they just wanna kill me! I feel like I'm cursed.
It's not true.
No such thing as a curse.
Why am I on house arrest? You're not.
But don't go outside.
It's too dangerous.
If that's your attempt to soothe me, it's not working.
You need to focus on the good.
Tell me one thing that's good.
Come on.
Tell me.
Okay.
One good thing is the bathroom.
At least I have the bathroom to myself.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR] - [AMBER] Uh, no, you don't! And you need to vacate, unless you wanna clean up an accident.
So, scratch the good.
What about one okay thing? - - This is not okay.
How about now? Okay.
Let's pivot away from the terrible ambiance and focus on the food.
What's your plan? You're gonna do a full buffet or passed apps like a lady's tea? Cake.
- With petit fours.
- No.
Just cake.
Ma, no.
No! You're missing the point of the shower! Amber, whether you like her or not, is bringing a new life into this family, a life that is sacred and starts a new chapter of hope and wonder.
And after all we've been through, I think we can agree that a baby is a miracle and should be celebrated.
You're right.
And all of those beautiful feelings will be conveyed with cake.
- [SIGHS] - Ruby! I conspired with the doctor and I ordered a gender reveal dessert.
[MARIO] A what? Ma! We don't want to know the gender! - We wanna be surprised! - And you will be when you cut it.
I think the bigger issue is why are we deciding the baby's gender? The baby should be deciding for itself.
We need to wait for the baby to tell us how he, she, or they identify, which is why we can't use any colored decorations.
- Everything is to be neutral.
- Neutral? - Beige? - Yes! I was thinking gray, - but beige is better, way less gender.
- No color? Who are we? Beige? Beige is not our friend! Beige brings out the yellow of our skin.
Oh, no, that's it.
Uh-uh.
I quit.
I am done.
I officially do not identify as the party planner.
Well, I do.
Thanks, Mom.
- I will be taking the baton.
- No! No, uh-uh.
Mom, Ruby can't take over.
Remember the twins' christening? Dad's 40th? The Santos' party? I turned that shit right around.
Yeah.
Stuff shit.
- Yeah, bitch.
And you ended the truce.
- Trust me.
Everything's going to be fine.
In fact, you'll thank me when you see the diaper wreath.
[JAMAL] No! Why is this here? You are the keeper.
I'm also a girl who's currently staying alone and hiding 200 grand.
- I can't keep it.
- Just so we're all clear.
This money might be cursed.
Hmm, interesting.
So the naysayer becomes the yeasayer? I didn't believe it at first, but I'm coming around.
- Hold on.
Explain.
- [JAMAL] So, as it turns out, it seems that everybody who's touched this money has had a bad twist of fate.
First, we have the guys that stole the money.
Benito and Frankie were murdered in jail.
Then, Lil' Ricky prematurely died in a seemingly mysterious way.
And then, the night I found the money, Olivia and Ruby are shot.
Um, that didn't happen to you.
Don't trivialize my sympathy pain.
Then Abuelita's hands got messed up and she couldn't work.
- You're drinking this Fool-Aid? - I'm just following the timeline.
So, we take Abuelita to the curandera to heal her hand.
And the crazy lady tells us that something in this house does not belong.
- Cesar.
- Listen, girl.
Stay with me.
This is before Cesar got here, when Abuelita had the dough.
Then Ruby breaks the truce, 'cause the money was still in the house.
And then we take the money to Brentwood.
And it's not in Monse's possession for more than eight hours - when everything goes to shit.
- The RollerWorld money isn't cursed.
All money is cursed.
You saw what it did to my mom and it's making you crazy, too.
And as for the truce ending and our friends getting shot and those gangbangers meeting their early demise, this is Freeridge.
Shit happens.
Yeah, and I'm still alive.
I'm going to focus on the good.
Me too.
This money is gonna do a lot of good for a lot of people.
So if there is a curse, we're about to reverse it.
Okay.
You're right.
There's no curse.
And I'm going to go fill up my glass.
Literally.
Because I'm parched.
This has been a very lively debate.
Thank you, guys, for the realignment.
- Hi.
- Hey, Amber.
Ruby um, your assistant Jasmine said that she And the baby's godmother.
What? We talked about this.
Anyways, she wants to go over the menu.
- Okay.
Bye.
- Bye.
Ow.
Uh, did you finish the photo montage? I didn't have any baby pictures of Amber.
That's why I printed the old pictures of Justin Bieber! They're both towheads.
No one will know the difference.
Follow me, 'cause I have to do everything myself.
Again.
[JASMINE] Again? Baby, I've been right next to you - How you feeling? - Uneasy.
You're still buying the bullshit? No, not for the money.
For me.
Look, I'm cursed.
My only option right now is is to leave town and cross my fingers that I can survive on my own.
- Monse, I'm scared.
- Hey.
God doesn't give us anything we can't handle.
You got this.
You got you.
And that's enough.
What does that mean? What do you want it to mean? What does that mean? That I'm still in love with you.
Still? I love you.
I've always loved you.
Hey.
What's wrong? No one's said that to me in a really long time.
Abuelita, this isn't beige.
This is taupe! Jamal, back me up.
[JAMAL] Color-blindness is twice as common in males.
Money's on Abuelita.
Boss, we gotta bounce! Literally.
We have a bouncy house to test.
- Know why my money's on you? - Hmm? Because the money isn't cursed and neither are we.
Hashtag "blessed.
" It's cursed.
Rosario said nothing will fix my hands.
But the second you take the money away, hashtag "business is booming.
" Shit.
Well, if it is, you should know the money is back in the house.
[EXCLAIMS] Oh! [JAMAL] My shoes! Missed them! Ha! Not cursed! [GRUNTS] Don't need you anymore because I am completely unclenching.
No more anxiety, no more curse.
Ah.
Just Jamal.
Party of one.
[LAUGHS] [SCREAMS] [PANTING] How the hell did you get in here? Julio! If you're screwing with me it's not cool! Maybe you're not real.
[GASPS] Oh, my God.
- How the hell did you get in here? - Don't remember.
- So you know I took it? - I know.
And I want it back.
But it was never yours.
It didn't belong to you.
It belonged to your cousin.
My cousin? He wasn't your cousin? - He was my buddy.
- So then you lied to me.
- So who's in the photos? - She and I never did a photo shoot.
I am camera shy.
- "She?" - How is Juanita? Oh! Juanita! Is that why you've been stalking me? - What? - Outside my window? At the bus stop? - In the locker room? - I was never in the locker room.
Okay, so the "gnomie" just followed me into the shower.
I don't do showers.
I am a bad guy.
I spoke to Julio.
Does he know about me and Juanita? I don't know.
Where is she? Is she okay? Does she talk about me? Hmm She doesn't.
She's got a better gig here.
- I don't keep her in the drawer.
- Where do you keep her? [SCOFFS] See, fast ones don't work on me.
Juanita is safe.
She's in the JPP.
The Jamal Protection Program.
- What do you want? - How did Lil' Ricky die? I can't tell you that.
- You want her or not? - He choked on a Dodger Dog.
- Seriously? - He liked to swallow hot dogs whole.
But a Dodger Dog is longer than the average hot dog.
So, no curse.
Can I have her back now? That was a test.
No.
You cannot have her back because she's not an object.
You need to learn how to respect women and little figurines that look like them.
Now get the hell out the way you came in.
Aha! So you do remember! Hey, how you doin', baby? You look mighty fine I figured I might come your way And roll up on you Uh, no! Not through there.
Porta potties are in the backyard by the bouncy house.
Bathroom inside is for staff only.
- Hey! - Ugh! - Is it done? - Not even close.
Are you kidding? You've been working on this for a day! This is supposed to be my big present reveal.
These freeloaders! [GRUNTS] Yeah! Come here.
Help Mario.
And use this.
If it's ever done.
Go.
Number two.
Come in, number two.
Any eyes on Mama Bear? [IMITATES RADIO STATIC] The incubator is outta range.
Over.
Which one of y'all is HR? I need a reassignment.
I can't watch 40 kids bounce.
I'm disproportionately outnumbered.
Did all those kids sign waivers? - All signed.
- We're good.
Let them duke it out.
New assignment.
Buffet.
Make sure no one double dips.
I don't have any cold sores, and I'm not starting today.
[GASPS] I'm sorry, ma'am.
Staff only.
I am using my bathroom and I am staff.
As of yesterday, you didn't identify as one.
So porta potties are outside.
How about the bar? Mm.
[GENY SPEAKS SPANISH] Oh.
Hey, hey, hey! Hey! Checking in.
Do you guys want any snacks or beverages? - Uh, Vodka, Red Bull.
- A Coke, please? - [CESAR] Awesome.
- Psyche! No refreshments till you're finished.
These directions seem pretty straightforward.
What's the problem? I cheated on Amber with Angelica.
And I feel bad because I don't feel bad.
I still love Angelica.
Should I tell Amber? - No.
- [BOTH] No? Do you plan to stay with Amber? Yeah! She's having my kid.
I'm not gonna leave my kid.
- Then you can't tell her.
- What if she finds out? What if she doesn't? Isn't it better to come clean than get caught in a cover-up? No.
Coming clean is just about him clearing his conscious.
Telling her will hurt her.
And a small indiscretion, if it's just that, will grow into a cavern of distress.
Plus, he needs to live with the fact that he's a shitty person.
I am a shitty person.
Yup.
Good talk.
I'm gonna go put my head in the toilet.
Porta potty.
Toilet's for staff.
- Do you really believe what you said? - What part? - That Mario is a shitty person.
- Yeah.
Oh.
I mean, maybe coming clean will make the relationship stronger.
- What does that mean? - You should know.
I'm a little rusty on that face.
How about using your words? How about yours? What do you mean? - I told you I love you.
- And I kissed you.
Like you've done many times before.
Actions speak louder than words.
No.
No, words are way louder.
Oh! Really? - Yes.
Yes! - Hmm? Yes! - [RUBY] Incoming! - [JASMINE] Outgoing! - How we doing on supplies? - No lies.
It ain't pretty.
We're out of gauze and I'm absorbing with the only thing I got.
Super plus tampons.
Okay.
Quick thinking and resourceful.
I'll definitely be sure to include that into your performance review.
- Thanks, boss.
Ow! - Hey.
Remind me to schedule that harassment meeting.
Okay.
Ruby! Why are all these kids messed up? The bouncy house.
It's all good.
We got a triage set up in the master.
[CHANTING] Poop! Poop! Poop! That's my cue.
Here.
Take the apps.
[RUBY] Okay! What's in the poop diaper? Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
[MAKES BUZZER SOUND] Butterfinger! - Ah! Ding, ding, ding! - [ABUELITA LAUGHS] You know, in my day, we didn't use candy bars for this game.
Oh, no, we didn't.
Ah! [GUESTS GROAN] Ma! - [GENY GROANS] - Ma! Have you been drinking? [GENY] Yes.
No.
Maybe.
[LAUGHS] Ah, stop! - How many drinks have you had? - [GENY] I don't know! [LAUGHS] Two or three.
Or seven! - You need to eat something.
- Oh, I ate something! I ate the cake.
Shh! Shh, shh, shh! Don't worry.
I'm not gonna tell you the gender.
You are gonna have to wait two more months.
[LAUGHS] We need to clean you up before Amber sees this.
- Where's Amber? Um - Ooh.
Okay.
No.
That's it.
No more kids in the bouncy.
Woo-hoo! That means it's adult time at the bouncy! Wepa! [LAUGHS] Amber? Amber? - Oh.
Have you seen Amber? - What? No.
- [RUBY CLEARS THROAT] - Hey, Jamal? This shower is turning into a bath.
A blood bath.
Hey, can I tell you something that's weighing on me? You know, something's weighing on me.
- I don't know how to say this.
- Then let's say it together.
- Okay.
- On three.
One, two - I smashed Paula.
- I really miss our snuggles.
- [BOTH] Wait! What? - Where? When? - When you left me alone with her.
- Don't you drag me into this.
Do you know how many health code violations you committed? One rogue pube and we could've gotten a C.
That's not the problem.
It's Monse.
I think we're back together.
She doesn't know.
Mazel! But no! No! We are not going to do this again.
I'm no good with secrets, and last year, I almost slipped.
Why tempt fate? Maybe it shouldn't be a secret.
It happened when we were broken up.
Are you sure? Because I thought y'all was just on a break.
Definitely broken up.
Ish.
In that case, technically you didn't do anything wrong, but it was a betrayal.
But then again, she was ghosting you.
But then again, again, you did give her that whack-ass ultimatum.
Maybe it was the curse.
Is the curse up in here? I mean, hot? I'm cursing up.
Know what? I need to go bounce this out.
No! [EXCLAIMS] Oh, my God, it's a crib! You're not supposed to see it yet.
I know I'm not supposed to be in here.
But I don't know the guests and when I tried to lie down in the other room, there were a shit ton of bloody kids everywhere.
Well, when the time comes to unveil this, act surprised.
No problem.
I'm good at that.
What? Why? I'm not in love with Mario.
Oh, dear.
It's just this is all a big accident.
I had a boyfriend in high school that I was really in love with, but we broke up when we left for college.
I was really sad when I met Mario.
But he was so goofy and funny.
And then we had a couple of drinks and then one thing led to another and [SIGHS] Don't worry, I consented.
We used the Consent app.
You should tell him.
But we're having a baby together.
And he's a nice guy who just might be empathetic toward your situation.
Adam still loves me.
I secretly FaceTime him when they all go to church.
But he doesn't know that I'm pregnant and I don't want this baby to grow up in a broken home.
Look, I did and I'm okay.
My mom wasn't even around.
So, get on the same page.
Parent together, but live apart.
No biggie.
You're gonna be a really good mother someday.
But make sure that you really want that.
I pee when I sneeze now, and Geny doesn't let me sit on the couch anymore.
[DOOR OPENS] Girl, there you are! Ruby, I found her! Damn it, Monse.
This is supposed to be a surprise.
Surprise! I love it, hermanito.
- [BOTH GIGGLE] - [GRUNTS] Ooh, what's wrong? [SIGHS] IBS is really acting up.
But the cramps only last every couple of minutes.
Oh, no, no, no.
Those aren't cramps.
You gotta lie down.
Oh.
[EXCLAIMS] It's okay, I'm a police explorer.
And no panties! I had an accident.
I peed a little.
A lot.
Peed a lot.
Honey, that wasn't pee.
Your water broke.
And, from what I can tell, i.
e.
, the head bustin' out your cooch you've been in labor for hours.
She's about to blow.
Your belly is about to become a fupa.
The baby is not due for two more months! - I give her another ten minutes.
- [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] It's okay.
[BREATHING HEAVILY] Careful! [BREATHING HEAVILY] Yo! People, I need towels and alcohol! Get me tequila on the rocks and Shakira on the stereo! I am so sorry.
I kicked you.
I forget how flexible I am.
Okay, party's over.
Everybody, out! - Wait.
Wait, what's happening? - Amber's having the baby.
What? - [MARIO] Hold on.
- [JAMAL] Okay.
- [MARIO] Babe, I'm coming.
- Who's Amber? Do we still get paid for the whole night if we leave early? - Who are these people? - Extras.
What? She didn't have any friends or family, so I had to improvise.
Fifty bucks plus food isn't a bad gig.
Where'd you get that money? I know those bills.
What the hell are you doing? Using against my 25%.
It's permitted in the bylaws.
- There are no bylaws! - There are bylaws! - Give me this.
- [GRUNTING] An ambulance is on its way.
The baby is coming now.
Everyone needs to pray.
Guys, guys.
It's the curse.
Don't you see? This is all building to something.
I found money and Olivia died.
Now we're back at the scene of the crime with money in hand, which means - Someone else is gonna die.
- The baby.
- We have to get rid of it.
- Hold up.
Technically, we just gave a bunch of cursed money to all of those extras.
They're actors.
No one is gonna miss them.
Let's go! We don't know how to get rid of a curse! Okay? Curses have rules.
We can't just throw them away.
Abuelita! The money is cursed! How do we destroy it? Burn it! Burn the money! [SCREAMING] I can't do this! [EXHALES] You got this, mama! Just [SNIFFS] smell the flowers [BLOWS] blow out the candle.
Smell the flowers, blow out the candle.
Tequila! Tequila, Abuelita! I know we're still getting to know each other, but we're gonna make this work.
Okay, I'll be here to take care of you and the baby.
Me too.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] Me three! You're part of our family now.
Why are your teeth blue? I'm gonna be a father! Can we cut the chitchat, people? We got a log coming down the chute.
Am I pooping? Am I pooping? - No, no, honey! No! No! - [WHIMPERS] Tengo mucha caca.
Give me a bedpan.
- How about a salad bowl? - Okay.
[GRUNTING] When did we have corn? You've torn our neighborhood apart.
You've ruined our relationships and stolen our youth! But it's over.
Curse, be gone! [GROANING] Wait.
Something's wrong.
[SCREAMS] [BABY CRIES] Can I see him? What does he look like? [CHUCKLES] [JASMINE] Hmm Yes! [ABUELITA] Stop! Stop! Jamal! Don't burn the money.
The money is not the thing that doesn't belong here.
The money is not cursed.
[LAUGHING] Oh, I'm not gonna lie.
This cake is good! It just should have been chocolate.
[LAUGHING] Too soon, man.
Mario I want you to know that if that beautiful baby was yours, I would've loved it.
But, whoo! Thank God you're not going to be a daddy just yet.
- You dodged a bullet.
- We all did.
That girl really didn't know.
And that was a big ass bun fully risen.
Okay.
The truth always comes out.
- Mm-hmm.
- [JASMINE] Amen.
Hey, I need to tell you something.
You don't have to say it.
I know.
Uh [KNOCK AT DOOR] What was your baby mama name again? Well, your fake baby mama? [RUBY] Amber.
That's a black name.
[CESAR] Hey, it's too soon.
[RUBY] Are you kidding me? It's not soon enough for you.
[LAUGHING] Your ass should be at school.
[GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING] Oh, my brown paper bag Know your love's gonna last Even if I was hopeless Hopeless My scribbled notes are your tats On your front and your back I don't even need a notebook Oh, rob and steal everything You conceal All the ghosts from my past Get a toast and I laugh As I choke on this gas Oh, yeah, oh, yeah Hey Breathe in, breathe out Breathe in, breathe out