One Mississippi (2015) s02e03 Episode Script

Kiss Me and Smile For Me

1 One Mississippi 2x03 "Kiss Me and Smile For Me" Jambalaya, crawfish pie, file' gumbo 'Cause tonight I'm gonna see my ma chere Amie-o Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou Oh, okay, I guess I'll swing by and get you around seven, then.
Okay, then, by Okay, sounds good.
Bye bye now.
B bye.
Okay, goodbye.
I got steamrolled into going out with his woman from my church.
Remember that story the priest told when we were kids at church, and it was about the guys that was digging in a pile of manure and when somebody asked him what he was doing, he said, "There must be a donkey in here somewhere"? Yeah.
So what? I feel like if you keep digging you'll probably find your donkey.
Yeah, or your shit-caked ass.
Remy, please! This woman, Desiree, she's so sweet, couldn't say no to her.
She's so not my type.
Not your type meaning not a lingerie model? Uh, no, that is not what I mean, as a matter of fact.
I mean, she's pretty, she's just like aggressively positive.
Like an act of God.
Aren't we all like an act of God? Tig, I'm just saying she's a lot.
Well, it's just one date.
You don't have to marry the woman.
Just don't want to break her heart, you know? If her heart is broken after one date, it wouldn't have been your fault, trust me.
Good morning.
What you got there? An orchid.
It's parched Can I help you? Yeah, we're looking for Tig Bavaro.
Why is that? You're her.
She's her.
We're with New Hope Ministry, and, uh, we heard your radio show.
And we love your soul, firstly.
Why, thank you.
So it just pained us so much to hear your struggles.
Which struggles? We've all been through it, too.
We just want you to know despite the controversy around other ministries, it is possible to pray the gay away.
What if I want to pray the gay to stay? Uh We don't want that.
We want you to stop spreading that sinful stuff.
Yeah, and stop talking about it on your show.
Well, it's my show and if I remember correctly, there's still a first amendment so feel free to not listen to my show.
Here's a pamphlet, and that's my number.
In case you need to discuss anything further.
I'm Nicky.
Nicky, stop flirting with me.
Uh Oh come on, Felicia, that's not what she wants.
And she won't ask for more because you hang on to every penny as if it's the last one that will ever be minted.
Oh, so she's the one that wants 16 of your naval buddies plus wives.
You have never understood what a party is.
Oh, just Hello? - Hell uh - Yes.
May I help you? Oh, Bill.
The young woman sent me back.
Certainly don't want to intrude, it's just Just I brought you something.
Oh, that's wonderful.
I wanted to go over the instructions with you.
Shall I come back later? Hey, hey, he can come in.
I won't bite him.
Frank, Bill.
Bill, Frank.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
I just wanted to thank you for your help the other night.
Uh This is an orchid.
I see.
That's very kind of you.
Orchids have a reputation for being difficult to care for, but with proper tending, they can bloom for months and life indefinitely.
Take care to avoid allowing the water to accumulate between the leaves.
I took the liberty of printing out some detailed care instructions.
Thank you so very much.
Why the hell was that white guy bringing you a potted plant? [DOOR OPENS] Oh, sorry I'm late.
Crisis situation.
What crisis? Did you get in a fight with someone from Piggy's Pet Parade? - What? - This morning? - No.
- That's so weird.
Nicky Burns said she had words with you.
Nicky Burns? Wait, is she that Pray the Gay Away maniac? Well, she also owns Piggy's Pet Parade.
No, I was really nice to her.
It's not you, it's them.
Well, it is you but it's what you're saying that's freaking everybody out.
God, this place! Okay, come on, let's go, we're about to start.
Can't we just get another sponsor? Yeah, but they're pretty much all gone at this point? You're kidding.
Okay, on in ten seconds.
Hello, listeners.
So, Kate just told me we lost all of our sponsors.
I thought we were doing a pretty good show.
We are, right guys? They can't talk back.
I guess we have been touching on some pretty taboo topics recently.
We've been hemorrhaging our sponsors since the beginning.
So, how much longer do we have? This is it.
Just today.
So this is our big season finale.
Well, until we find new advertisers.
You hear that, everybody? Anyone want to associate their business with lesbos and assault survivors? [CHUCKLES] Strong women may be a better way to put it.
Is there a waffle house out there that wants to support free speech or civil rights? Anybody? Do you think anybody's listening, or are we just talking to ourselves.
Maybe we should move somewhere else.
Somewhere blue.
But I like it here, in other ways.
Me, too, but ever since the election, I can't even look people in the face knowing what they probably did.
It's not everybody.
I mean, in my hometown, the most popular coffee shop is run by a gay couple.
Maybe we could go to the Bay area or Seattle.
But that big earthquake's coming.
Yeah, you don't want to be wiped off the face of the planet right when you move to town.
- Yeah.
- Copenhagen? - It's pretty white.
- Yeah.
And flooding.
We're not even factoring in climate change.
I guess that is a good reason to leave the Gulf coast.
Sorry, guys.
Who aren't listening.
You know, I've actually heard New Zealand is the best place to ride out the apocalypse.
New Zealand really is beautiful.
I worked as a PA there on the hit TV series "Xena: Warrior Princess".
Great, let's go! All right, well, then, it's settled.
You know what, could you play "Remember" by the Ruby Suns? Imagine yourself in a plane Flying far away Imagine yourself on a wave [DOORBELL RINGS] Riding all Hi.
Don't worry, they're not all mine.
Oh, no, wow.
No, I didn't think, uh I don't know what I thought.
They're my friend Marianne's.
I'm just helping out while I'm living here.
Ooh, Jayden, honey, not my hair.
Don't go, Mama Dizzy.
Oh, they call me Mama.
And I love 'em all.
But this here's the only one that came out of me.
This is Destiny.
Okay, I'm going now, Marianne.
You sleep tight, little mites.
Uh, I, uh I got us a reservation at the Yacht Club.
Oh, that's so sweet of you, but I don't like fancy.
How about we catch the all you can eat at Shrimpers? Oh, yeah, sure.
Okay, well, let's get rolling.
Oh, uh, is she Uh, are you going to bring her? Oh, you won't even notice her.
Crowd noise puts her right to sleep.
[ELEVATOR DINGS] [ELEVATOR DINGS] Onions ward off colds and flus.
We need it, right? Working among kids all day? No kidding.
So is that your job, taking care of your friends' kids? Oh, no, no.
It's more of a blessing than a job.
Same with selling my breast milk.
That's my main source of income.
What, selling your breast milk? So many women don't make enough milk.
And it's so sad, those little newborns not getting all their antibodies and things.
The Lord blessed me with an infinity fountain, so I started selling it on-line.
That's amazing.
Thanks, yeah.
But I can't think of a higher calling than teaching high school.
And history? You must understand everything in the news.
Nah, I just love learning about the past.
Imagining myself in colonial times or the French Revolution.
Or the Renaissance.
[CHUCKLES] Your family must be real proud of you.
Uh, well, I think they expected more of me, actually.
More? Like what, to be President? I don't know, something more professional.
Like business or law, I guess.
More greedy.
Well, I'm sure your dad's real grateful that you're staying with him anyway.
Yeah, my father split when I was one.
I'm sorry, baby.
That's hard.
You know, honestly I thought I'd have a family of my own by now.
I thought I'd have a husband.
So, you know, you don't have to answer this if you don't want, but where is Destiny's dad? [SIGHS] Immaculate conception.
Ha! [LAUGHS] Nope, there wasn't nothing immaculate about it.
I thought it was true love, it wasn't.
It was just my Destiny.
That's why I named her that.
[COOING AT BABY] I mean, should we just do our show on a crowded street corner and put a hat out? I feel like we just need to find somebody that will pay us - to just hang out and talk.
- I know.
Or should I just go back to Los Angeles? No! The droughts and the sea level.
Absolutely not.
Yeah, you're right, it's way too dangerous.
I was just hoping that we would find our market, but, let's face it, Mississippi is just not the right demographic for you.
You don't have to solve this, Kate.
Well, I feel responsible, you know? I brought you here and I just feel like what you're doing is really special.
I think you're really special, too.
Thank you.
Anyway, I did reach out to a few places, and a producer at Ezra Weiss's production company is really interested.
Uh really? - Ezra Weiss? - I know.
- I love him.
- I do, too.
I've been listening to his show for years.
Okay, I was hoping you would have that response, because he and his producer want to meet with you tomorrow.
Me? Us, you mean.
If you prefer.
Oh, I prefer.
Okay, then.
Gosh, I mean, you waste no time wallowing, do you? Well, I'm not a wallower.
I'm an anti-wallower.
[CHUCKLES] Thank you so much for such a wonderful evening.
Oh, no, I mean, thank you.
You are so nice for a hot guy.
Me? No.
But you are, I mean so nice.
Oh, wow.
And a gentleman, too.
[SIGHS] Have the banks failed? Excuse me? Are we burying our cash in the yard? Not at all.
Bill's in charge of the money for the senior center fundraiser this year.
Bill, I applaud your civic spirit.
Well, Mele asked me to do it and it does speak to my strengths.
You own a cashbox.
Hey, are you going? I mean, it's today.
Nah, I think I'm going to skip it this year.
I can't party like I used to.
Come on, Tig, it'll be fun.
I, I used to go with Mom.
What fun would there be without Mom? People go.
- 80-year-olds.
- Families with their kids.
To be with other families with kids.
[DESIREE] Hi, handsome.
Hey, do you want to, I don't know how much fun it'll be, but, uh, do you and Destiny maybe want to go to the Senior Center Fundraiser with me this afternoon? Look, I know it's last minute Oh my gosh, we'd love it.
Of course you want to help the seniors.
You're just good.
How do I look? All my holes covered? Well, there's four, five, seven on your head showing.
Those are supposed to be showing.
Okay, then you're all set.
I've been just a fan of yours since the KCRW days.
And I officially got obsessed when you started doing your deeper, darker, more personal material.
That is so refreshing to here, especially after WKKU's sponsors ran screaming.
Do you think surviving cancer made you more brave, or even more I should say? I mean, yeah, that and losing my mother.
I think it made me realize I didn't want to wait for the right moment anymore.
Every moment's the right moment.
I love that.
And Kate's the one that really pushed me to be totally honest.
In The Moment, With Tig.
And Kate, I want her to still be a part of it.
Such a great dynamic, you guys.
We're excited.
We really believe in your humanity.
Thank you, Ezra.
Um, we really love your humanity.
And I've always wanted to work with you, for real.
It's beshed.
We have to go celebrate.
If by celebrate, you mean go fishing.
- Wait, do you fish? - Never! Ah, don't worry, I've taught many a city mouse how to catch their dinner.
Hi, Joe.
Oh! Witch Doctor's brew? Why, thank you.
Don't ask me what's in it, Taddy Gunther is running the Tiki bar.
He is quite the mixologist.
Hey, Bill.
Could I get some change for a 50 if you have it? Why, certainly.
You know my tarot booth is just mobbed.
Everyone wants to know the future.
How much future is there at the Senior Center? Ow.
Oh, Bill, are you feeling depressed? Go on, Bill, let Beulah read your cards.
She is truly gifted.
Well, it just runs in my family.
Go on, Bill, I'll spell you.
Oh, no thank you.
No, I prefer to keep my future to myself.
Mele, Beulah, Bill, this is Desiree.
- Oh.
- And Destiny.
Well, hello.
It sure is nice to meet you.
I have heard so many wonderful things, what a kind and steady father figure you've been to Remy.
Really? Well, thank you.
My goodness, how long have you two been seeing each other? Just a few days or so, but you know how it flows when it's right.
Oh, sure.
Um, uh, Bill, may I speak to you privately? Remy can cover you.
Uh heh.
Can't you see what a mess you are making around yourself? Beulah has made it clear to you and to all of us that she is in love with you.
And we are all respecting that except you.
We want her to be happy above all else.
Our own feelings, because she is passionately in love with you.
Oh, this is such a disaster, Bill.
My God, Mele.
I'm sorry.
I don't share her feelings.
[GASPS] Huh.
I see true love, Remy, right up ahead.
And a child, a boy.
Oh, I think it's you! With a spectral presence.
A family member who's always in the room.
Well, can you think of anyone? A male member of your family who you might have felt, mmm haunted by in some way? No.
Could it be me, could you be reading my energy? - It is very powerful.
- It is, dear.
But I don't know that My daddy passed away a few years ago, and I can't let go.
I feel him with me, and you know I talk with him, but he can't answer me back.
Ever again.
No one's ever gonna love me like he did.
Aw, hey, hey.
Hey, sure they are.
Someone is.
Okay, so just - And release.
- Oh.
- Okay.
May I? - Well This is going to feel like I'm trying to hug you, which I would never do because you're really bad at that.
You know, maybe you were the one that was bad at that.
Well, maybe you're the one bad at this.
I don't think so.
Okay, so it's it's just like throwing a baseball.
Okay, well, you know what? I used to be a pitcher.
So, I got this.
So you like guys who are what do you call them? Um, charming narcissists? Yeah.
And addicts.
God, all the guys I ever dated were total squares.
You've dated guys? Yeah, I've had some relationships of an intimate nature with some guys.
- Before you knew you were gay.
- After.
Really? Yeah, gender's a hoax.
I mean, you see it from far away and then when you're close to someone, all you see is skin.
Skin is just skin, you know? Yeah, skin is just skin.
Yeah, I mean, is it a nutsack or a wrinkly old boob? A scalp or pubic V? Nostril or anus? - Same.
- Same.
So, Tig Okay, so Kate? I need to apologize for something.
Oh, fun.
You know what I set you up with Phoebe? I I don't know why I did that.
You know, I mean she's nice and cute, but you're just so great.
And it was just stupid.
So, I'm sorry.
Apology accepted.
I'm living on some borrowed time And I never understood why Paltry signs led me from my homestead state Already seeing some things move I don't ever want to be apart from you.
Morning light breaks as I touch his throat Driving through these lonesome country roads [BEEPING] [MAN] I've got a Felicia here to see you.
Oh, well, send her in.
[KNOCKING] - Hello.
- Hello.
I realized that I had a brochure for my NEST system and I thought that you might be interested in borrowing it.
Only if you won't be needing it.
Oh, I can spare it for the time it would take for you to read through it, certainly.
Well, thank you.
That's very thoughtful.
I had intended to give it to you yesterday on the elevator but as you may or may not have noticed, I was late to leave work.
I did notice, of course.
My schedule was upset due to the altercation that you had the misfortune of witnessing.
With Frank.
We've had an extremely difficult time with financial decisions about our daughter's wedding.
Oh, well.
Surely, there's a budget.
He wants a full bar.
An 18-piece band.
Our daughter is marrying a sober Buddhist.
A full bar is profligate.
That is the perfect word to describe him.
These kinds of disagreements are very stressful on a marriage.
Yes, they were.
I was the rain on all of his parades.
Yes, that is a very difficult position to be in.
It was a great relief when we divorced.
And I remembered that I am actually a very fun person.
Of course you are.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Going on and on about my private affairs.
No, I was just noticing, time for lunch.
Would you care to join me at the Canteen? Why, yes, I would.
That would be lovely.
Please, continue.
Well, there was the date Someone just came in the door Like no-one I've ever seen before - I feel - I feel I don't know where you came from I wish I did, I feel so dumb I feel Your swagger and your bearing And the just-right clothes you're wearing Your short hair and your dungarees And your lace-up boots And your keys, oh Your ring of keys Can you feel my heart saying hi? Tig, I'm not gay.
What? I'm so sorry, I like you so much, and I wish I was gay, but I'm not.
But I'm not asking you to be gay.
What are you asking me to be? Just with me in whatever way feels right and true.
So Phoebe has to be more gay, but I don't have to be gay at all? No, I don't care about the label.
I just want people to feel comfortable with who they really are.
Okay, well, I think who I really am is someone who just wants to be friends.
All right.
All right? Yeah.
I'm gonna get some more stuff out of my car.
These seven words I say to you One by one I love you and you have to know If I could change How I'm insane If I could learn To leave my troubles behind It's starting to hurt And I know you moved on Telling everyone How I done you so wrong Cat scratch