Perfect Harmony (2019) s01e06 Episode Script


1 Hi! We're from the Second First Church of the Cumberlands and we are Halloween caroling.
It's like Christmas caroling but for Halloween.
We're promoting an event that we're calling 'Halle-boo-yah.
" - It's a play on "Hallelujah.
" - If you like what you hear, bring your little goblins to the church on Halloween night for an evening of scaring and caring.
Except no actual goblins because, you know, sin.
Oh little ghost town of death-lehem They're dead and we saw them die Silent fright unholiest night Said the werewolf to the goblin boy Ooh! Do you fear what I fear, what I fear, what I fear Imagine I'm slamming this.
A bridge, a bridge, a bridge that I can't cross 'Cause a troll underneath is the boss 'Cause a troll underneath is the boss Do you fear what I fear, what I fear, what I fear They're everywhere.
Hey, Art, can I use your bathroom, buddy? Hallelujah amen Hallelujah, Thine the glory Revive us again You want a warm-up? Leanne, there is a perfect balance of sugar, cream, and coffee in that cup.
You don't just add coffee any more than you add cowbell to Mozart.
Here's a tip.
When he turns the handle due north, that means he's ready for a refill.
Great to know.
That's dumb as hell.
You stuck? In this town, yes.
In this puzzle, also yes.
"Singer Grande to fans," three letters.
Who knew I was so good at crosswords? Capital of Uzbekistan, eight letters.
Ooh, order's up in the kitchen.
- Sorry, got to work.
- Please, Adams.
You have to come.
It's Halloween.
My party won't be the same without you.
Of course it won't.
I'm a social glue and a social laxative.
You work so hard.
Let me spoil you.
I'd love to, but who would run this place without me? Did you hear that? I could totally manage the Moonbow.
Do you want to manage the Moonbow? Of course! I want to step up in the world, and then I wouldn't have to work for tips, so if your outfit's not cute, I am not saying it's cute.
Follow up: have you told her? You mean, like, with words out loud? No, but I did leave a comment on the Moonbow's Instagram page under a fake account.
No, uh, you have to go back there - and demand what you want.
- Okay.
I'll do it tonight after we close.
Oh, no, she's gonna be tired.
I'll do it tomorrow morning.
No, that's one month away from her birthday and I know she's Hey Adams, Ginny wants to manage the Moonbow.
Carpe diem.
Seize the dairy.
Hey, so I had an idea for a Halloween costume.
- Oh.
- What about Samson and Delilah? - I'm Samson, right? - Yeah, babe.
Ah! Oh, don't mind me.
I'm just another human being in the room who wants to gouge his eyes out with this spoon.
Um, well, I'm glad you like the costume idea because I kinda already bought them.
Just as long as it doesn't interfere with our tradition.
Mm, what tradition? Well, every Halloween since the fourth grade, Wayne and I have been pulling pranks on each other.
And every year the pranks get more and more epic.
We got a saying.
It's not a prank Until someone calls 911.
Ooh, really? Wow, that sounds like fun and like something you might have outgrown.
Well, for your information.
I have never outgrown anything in my life.
Mmm! So, you think you're management material? I do.
Well, you're sensitive, thoughtful, generous all things that would make you a miserable failure.
Oh, come on.
Give her a chance.
She's got a lot of great ideas.
Tell her all your great ideas.
Well, it's Halloween, so I could wear my pumpkin earrings.
That was just the first obvious one that popped into your head, but then you had those others, remember? Mm-hmm.
- Then - Mm-hmm.
Um Halloween specials like, um, Monster Mashed Potatoes and, um, Frightening Fried Okra.
Ooh, and we could have a costume contest to bring people in.
Now, that's not bad, but you also have to be able to solve problems under pressure.
Let's say the place is full except for one seat at the counter.
The mayor comes in, but then Pregnant Paula comes in right behind him with her service dog.
Suddenly, a grease fire breaks out in the kitchen.
What do you do? It's too late! They're all dead! - Even the dog? - Yes! And it's all your fault because you dithered.
There's no time to think.
You have to act.
Come on, you wanna go to a party, and I'm sure it's a slow night, right? So best case, she generates some business.
Worst case, she kills some people and cooks a dog in that grease fire.
All right, I'll give you one night, but only if you promise to put away all the qualities that make you a good person, and turn a profit.
No more Glinda the Good Witch.
Drop a house on me, bitch! Sorry, was that too far? I meant it like a feminist, like, we're both, like, - tough ladies kind of way.
- Stop, stop.
Thank you.
I'll make the coffee.
So you want cream? Sounds good.
Yeah, stay down, motherfucker! I'm so glad I took those self defense classes at the Y.
Oh, you didn't have to kick me in my Y.
Wait, Wayne? What the hell? Remember I told you about our tradition? It's a prank! Damn good one, too.
It's totally worth getting rocked in the nards.
You are so lucky that the advanced class was on the same night as "The Voice," or else I would have done some serious damage.
Georgia, honey, can I talk to Wayne - for just a second? - Oh, sure.
Have your little playdate.
Oh, I got you so good! You got me.
I can't wait to see how you retaliate.
Well, actually, I'm not gonna prank you this year.
Georgia's not exactly into it.
And you're gonna listen to her? Yeah.
Y'all enjoying that Stake Through the Heart Tart? Calories don't count when you're undead.
Ain't that right, Bubba? Leanne, I need you to turn that table over.
We got a line out the door.
Okay, I see you, girl! Being in charge suits you.
You had a Halloween party.
What happened to your costume? Everything I need is under this trench coat.
Stay out of grown folks' business, and don't give away the store.
- There's a line here.
- It's okay.
I know the manager.
She's a friend of mine.
Actually more of a mentor-slash-personal hero.
She thinks of you as equals.
Wow, good crowd.
I know.
Everybody's excited for the costume contest.
- Well, the fun people are.
- I hate costumes.
At best, people use them to escape the bleak reality of their lives.
At worst, they channel their most vile instincts under the mask of anonymity.
Mine is definitely the latter.
- Yeah, you got that right.
- Oh, no can do.
Minimum three people to a booth.
That's my booth.
Which two of you talk the least? Do we have to do this, Dad? I have candy to collect.
Houses to egg.
Oh, well, life hack, son.
You can egg houses every day of the year.
Yeah, I promised Reverend Jax you'd be here.
Cash is here! We can begin! Good evening and welcome to the first annual Halle-boo-yah! Did he say first annual? When I was growing up, my missionary parents wouldn't let me celebrate Halloween.
They said it was the Devil's night, but I say, why should the Devil have all the fun? So let's have a spooky good time with a healthy dose of God's love.
Will we be trick-or-treating? Why fill bags with candy when we can fill our hearts with Christian fellowship? So that's a hard no on the candy? Yep.
Sorry, bud.
Maybe next time.
On the drive home we can separate some kids from their pack and rob them.
Hey! Wow, this place is packed.
Feels like the whole town is here.
Yeah, everybody but Wayne.
The only person I need is right here in front of me.
Sorry, I should have sat on the outside.
I see that now.
You remember the deal, all right? You're our third so we could get this table, - but you do not get to talk.
- You're mean.
I can see why he likes you.
Ah, Ginny trained you well.
Hang on, is that decaf? No.
Then why why is the cap orange? - Halloween.
- You know what? I don't believe you.
Oh, here she is.
I need some coffee and a three-letter word for "Music's doctor blank.
" First letter D, last letter E.
Sorry, I gotta get ready for the costume contest.
- Who's judging? - Oh, we're deciding by popular vote, like all elections.
No one understands the electoral college.
Well, we're entering as a couple so you and me just gonna have to split that $1,000 prize.
- 50-50.
- Oh, no, the prize is just 100.
That is not what your sign says.
Oh, no! That's a typo! What am I gonna do? Adams is gonna kill me if I lose $1,000! Or even worse, she's gonna make me pay her back.
Do you know how broke I am? My credit card company alerts me for fraud every time that I buy two-ply toilet paper! Just tell the truth.
People will understand.
Excuse me! Sorry, uh, just a few little updates.
Uh, first of all, uh, the fun level is at an all-time high.
Second, there's a blue Dodge Ram with its lights on.
And finally, the costume contest prize is $100, not 1,000.
Happy Halloween! Adams is rich! Let's sue her! Just kidding! Trick-or-treat! $1,000 for the winner! And let's not tell Adams anything! Say what you want about mobs.
They get the job done.
Okay, new plan.
I need you to find a costume and win the contest so I don't cost Adams $1,000.
No, I draw a hard line at costumes.
You're the one that pushed me in the deep end! You can't just stand on the side and say, "Swim!" Go get a costume and jump in.
Wouldn't getting a costume be jumping in? Okay, okay.
I was a supernumerary in the Metropolitan Opera production of "Die Fledermaus.
" I still have the wardrobe at home.
English, please.
I have tight pants and a big hat with a long feather.
You got all that, but you don't have food in your house? - Well, you know, I'm single.
- Whatever.
Fine, just go! The story I'm gonna tell you is about a ghost.
A ghost who's in the room with us right now.
He's there and there and He's right behind you! His name is the Holy Ghost, and he's there to provide love and comfort whenever you need it.
Aww, man.
I thought this was supposed to be scary.
I can tell you about the flaming sword of unselfishness! Imagine it's on fire.
I've got a scary story for you, Reverend.
Do you mind? It's about two boys your age.
Let's call them Shane and Dane.
One Halloween, Shane put a rubber spider into Dane's lunch bag.
It scared the ever-loving crap out of him.
It was epic.
That day they made a promise to each other.
A promise of friendship and tradition.
For 30 years, Dane kept his promise, but not Shane.
Oh, no, Shane changed once he got a girlfriend.
Let's call her North Carolina.
This story blows.
I know, son.
There's nothing worse than throwing away years of friendship.
Well, at least they left me the pot to pee in.
Trick-or-treat! Eat a vegetable! The other little savages took all the candy.
Why? Because when humans dress in costume, their moral code disintegrates.
You're proving my point.
We'll be right back, kids.
Come here.
I can see something's troubling you.
That story I just told, it wasn't about Shane and Dane.
It was about me and Dwayne.
Yeah, I read between the lines.
Look, I'm sorry tonight didn't turn out like you hoped.
Sometimes that happens.
Sometimes Halle-boo-yah is just Halle-boo.
Can we get back to me here? I mean Of course.
My point is, things change.
You know what it says in 1 Corinthians.
I sure do.
It's about things and how they doth change.
I mean, it's classic Corinthians.
When I was a child, I spake as a child.
When I became a man, I put away childish things.
Yeah, I don't mind giving up the pranks.
It's just I feel like I'm losing my best friend.
Maybe you're watching him grow.
No, he's big enough, Jax.
I mean, he doesn't need to grow.
You have eyes in your head? The guy's a giant.
Please tell me you're wearing your costume under that tuxedo.
There was an incident with eggs and some pre-criminals.
So, what? Now you're Mr.
Peanut? Of course not.
I don't have his hips.
My son is allergic to peanuts.
Not cool! You know, peanuts aren't nuts.
- They're legumes.
- That's why people hate you! I'm a conductor.
This is my impresario tux.
I have worn this in Carnegie Hall, the Sydney Opera House, the Musikverein in Vienna.
Just forget it.
I'll find a way to pay back that 1,000 bucks.
Up next, John Calipari on Safari! What did you do? I'm one of the fun people now.
I'm a Chippendales dancer.
Don't worry.
I got moves.
Jean was kinky.
We have one more contestant! Uh, next up, Apocalypse Mr.
Peanut? Not cool! Yeah Get money drop it drop it drop it dollar zone Get money drop it drop it More hips! Get money drop it drop it drop it dollar zone This is disturbing as hell.
Why can't I look away? Super swaggy when I walk through the door Got a lot of time to kick it Got a lot of time to spend my dough I'm the CEO the guy that like to eat my steak Get money flipping dollars like a pancake Hit the Chevy right out - This is offensive! - Let's sue Adams! Okay.
Somebody's gotta put a stop to this.
What are you doing? I am acting instead of thinking.
Adams can't get mad at what she can't see.
Get money drop it drop it Okay, that's a $500 fine.
I learned that the hard way when I wanted to flirt with that hot fireman.
It's better than 1,000.
Okay, everybody out.
I need you to find the nearest exit.
I need you to walk and not run.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I'll, uh, meet you out there.
It's gonna take me a second to get out of this.
Next up on the Halle-boo-yah lineup is a fun game of bobbing for apples.
Now, we all know the story of Eve in the Garden of Eden, so the winner of this game will be those who do not get any apples! So we're just dunking our heads in a bucket of apple water.
Without getting any apples.
And it's a trash can.
Hey, buddy.
I feel bad about abandoning you, so I got you this can of mixed nuts.
Go ahead.
Open it.
Okay, well, you know, I'm kinda hungry.
Oh-ho! - Gotcha! - You sure did.
Oh, I was expecting mixed nuts and out came a snake! Okay, so if you're done with your little prank, maybe we can go now? Can I get a minute with my friend? Sure, yeah.
Give the baby his bottle.
- Am I the baby? - Uh, you're both babies.
You're stunted, co-dependent man children.
Can we please take this altercation elsewhere? There are actual children present.
Wayne might be a man child, but he's my man child.
- Of course you're taking his side! - Again, I must Can you give us one minute? [SCREAMING - Is it bad? - No, man.
It's okay, but maybe we should FaceTime your parents real fast.
They were right about Satan! Oh, damn you! Oh, hey, hey! Somebody call 911! I'm on it.
Oh, oh, oh.
- Uh - Hello, 911? Yeah, I wanna report the most epic prank ever! - Boom, we got you! - What? Yeah, it was it was Georgia's idea.
And I was just kidding about Satan.
He never wins in real life.
Dude, this has gotta be, like, your best prank ever.
And you, whoa! Strong showing for your first foray into the prank wars.
Well, it was fun.
All right, now let's go back to your place, maybe watch a movie, snuggle Hey, can we watch "Coco?" 'Cause I get too emotional when I watch it by myself.
- Okay.
- Uh, yeah? Yeah, you okay with that? What about the prize money? I invested a lot in this competition emotionally.
I'm sorry.
The poster said the winner would be awarded at midnight and it's 1:00 a.
, so it's force majeure.
You do not have to cuss at me.
It's French for "Nobody saw this coming, so you're out of luck.
" How did you know? Well, after the security cameras "fogged up," my friend the fire marshal who was at the party got a call.
So what the hell happened? - Look, it's not her fault.
- I got this.
Now, am I a bad proofreader? Yes.
And do we owe the Conley Fork Fire Department $500? Yes, but did I turn one of the slowest nights of the year into one of the busiest.
Hell yeah, bitches! I'm sorry.
I'm so not cool enough to get away with that.
Yes, it is not cool to talk like that.
Mm‐hmm, mm‐hmm, mm‐hmm.
When you're a manager in training.
‐ Are you serious? ‐ Absolutely! You thought on your feet, you turned a profit, and best of all, you put whipped cream on the camera so I wouldn't have to see Arthur twerk.
Well, I can give you lessons privately if you like.
- ‐ Stop talking.
- ‐ Thank you.
What kind of party did you go to? Halloween strip poker.
I'd tell you more but I don't think you ready.
I can't believe you cut up your Carnegie Hall tux.
Yeah, well, I live here now.
I mean, what do I need tails for? Hey, are you that guy that was dancing earlier? Yeah, that was me.
That was my mom.
She dug it.