Perfect Harmony (2019) s01e05 Episode Script

It's Electric

1 "Come meet me, Arthur Cochran.
I'm single and a doctor"? I don't think I've ever said that.
I do drink a lot.
Stuff I've agreed to on a bender dang.
I still have so much makeup to sell.
Wow, Arthur, your head looks so huge.
You're like a giant, grumpy PEZ dispenser.
I'll see you at Singles Night.
No, you will not see me at Singles Night.
And who decided it was okay to use my photo? Sorry! I needed to entice all ages, and you're in a demographic sweet spot.
To the elderly widows, you're a hot young renegade who does not have time for blood thinners, and to the middle-aged divorcees, you're not their husband.
The elderly widows are the reason we have Singles Night - at 2:00 in the afternoon.
- My wife just died.
I'm not interested in dating anyone.
I'm not a monster.
I just love love and I'd love to be the reason a couple falls in love.
It doesn't have to be you.
Who's the "Second First Church of the Cumberlands"? We are.
That's a ridiculous name for a church.
I've been calling it the First Second Church of the Cumberlands, which is also a ridiculous name for a church.
Aww, you've been talking about us.
Not in the way you were hoping.
We need to talk.
If this is about that cinnamon bun I ate, it's only 'cause I sneezed on it.
It was basically garbage.
Girl, don't eat garbage.
Why are you in here hiding from Dwayne? Dwayne's here? No way.
It's just so awkward with Singles Night/afternoon coming up.
We still haven't spoken about how he showed up on my lawn and asked me out yet.
It's not surprising.
You still haven't told the line cook your name is not Jeanine.
Oh, please.
Ginny's a difficult name, and plus, I don't wanna confuse Athanasios Pappadopolis.
It just sucks.
Dwayne and I used to be so close, and now it's so awkward.
I mean, do you want to go out with him? No.
Well, I mean, maybe.
I don't know.
Just not right now.
Just be honest with him.
I mean, every time I look at him, I still see the enormous third grader who was my square-dancing partner.
Whenever I look at him, I see a paying customer who's waiting to give his order.
- On it.
- Thank you.
- Athanasios.
- Jeanine.
Hey, Dwayne, the usual? Vegan lumberjack, tofu over hard? - Yes indeed.
- Mm-hmm.
So Ginny Ginny? You're probably not going to Singles Night, huh? - Actually, I am.
- Oh, well good.
Save me a dance? - Sure.
- All right.
I'll put you on my dance card.
- Okay.
- That's a thing, isn't it? I mean, I don't know, I could never afford cotillion.
I just kissed boys behind the country club dumpster.
I'll see you there.
You know you just agreed to go out on a date with him, right? And admitted you were fast and poor.
Oh, my God I'll check the wiring, but most flickering lights are caused by ghosts.
Well, I appreciate it.
Just when you think things can't get more primitive The human larynx is remarkably vulnerable.
Easy, old timer.
No one has to get hurt here.
Psych! No dice, stumpy.
Only my mama calls me stumpy.
Oh, God, I fell on my keys, Art.
It's all right.
This Hannibal Lecter rip-off is my father-in-law.
The hell are you doing here, Tinsley? Besides breaking and entering.
I saw this at the VA.
My daughter's been dead a month, and you're the poster boy for Singles Night.
I'm done with the phase of my life where I have to explain myself to you.
We are no longer related.
Now get the hell off of my boat.
Actually, this boat belongs to me, so how about you get the hell off my boat? Whoever's boat it is it's haunted! - It's my haunted boat.
- I said it's my boat.
- It's my boat! - Get off my boat.
- Get off my boat.
- It's my boat! Jean told me that you gave her the boat.
Well, Jean told me that you were a Baptist, so it looks like both of us got some bad intel.
So what's your plan here, Tinsley? Well, before there were witnesses, I was going to render you unconscious and then just drive my boat away.
Well, raise a glass to witnesses.
Well, what should we do? Should we play Monopoly while you berate me? Listen to records while you berate me? I berate myself, you decide I'm not doing it right and then you berate me? Whichever you want to start with, 'cause, uh, we're gonna play all the hits.
Reverend Jax, why the emergency rehearsal? Our sister church is coming to Singles Night.
I thought we could knock their socks off with an impromptu choir performance.
- Where's Arthur? - Yeah.
By now I'm guessing he's at the bottom of the lake.
His father-in-law's as lethal as I'd be if I still had my Bowflex.
Local climate never did agree with you.
Might be best to leave, before it turns against you.
- I'm not going anywhere.
- I can wait you out.
I brought my own rations.
Your horned-up church has been sending me care packages ever since Jean died.
The Lord provides.
Apparently dark chocolate but nobody's perfect.
God, I hate the way you chew.
Hurry up! We'll be late for Singles Night/afternoon.
Oh.
Well, we better get going.
We don't wanna be late for whatever the opposite of porn is.
Okay, listen.
If I gave Dwayne the wrong idea at the Moonbow, I need to send a clear signal that I am not interested in romantic involvement whatsoever.
We need an outfit that sends the right message.
What do we think the message is we're sending here? I wanna be hot, but not hot to Dwayne, who's a vegan, so I'm wearing a leather skort and this shirt that Wayne bought for me.
You look like if cheese fries for the table were a person.
You look like a half-priced hooker.
See, right now, it's like, "Who's that nerd?" But when I wanna attract a guy, I take the glasses off And boom.
The "Pretty Woman" montage is over.
- I'm picking your outfit.
- That's a good plan.
All right, I hear the bus coming.
Go long, man.
Oh, nope, false alarm.
It's just a pickup truck.
- Come on back.
- Wayne, you're here early! If everyone has your open-hearted enthusiasm, this night is gonna definitely end in a love connection.
And you brought Cash to an adults-only event.
Oh, yeah.
Chicks friggin' salivate over single dads, and when they show up, they're gonna see me mid-throw in an idyllic Toblerone of father-son bonding.
My feet hurt, man.
Hey, no more false alarms, I promise.
Oh.
All right, no, I hear it for sure.
Fly pattern go.
Man, I'm really sorry, but I lied.
- Come on back.
- Oh! - Here they are.
- What? Where did it come from? Change of plans, man.
I'm just gonna tussle your hair instead.
- I'm sweaty.
- Oh, God, man what you only ran twice.
What in the world? Cash? Wait Cash, what? Oh, Lord, my God Now remember, zipper placement is crucial.
There's a distinct line between "I'm not wearing anything under this," and, "I'm with maintenance.
" Mmm here we go.
I hear the rolling thunder You got this.
Be direct.
He can take it.
He's a grown man.
He's sort of two grown men.
- Nice jumpsuit.
- You're too sweet.
Just like my coffee.
Did you know Hawaii grows the most coffee in the United States? Which is weird, 'cause I always associate it with pineapples and overweight guys playing the ukulele, but actually that's stereotyping, just like thinking how everybody in Kentucky owns a racehorse or marries their cousin, which actually shows a true lack of understanding about how expensive it is to board a horse, but haters gonna hate.
Would you excuse me? I did not know that.
Tick tock, tick tock.
You know, for all of Germany's shortcomings, they really make a hell of a clock.
All right, that's it.
I'm leaving.
I really thought you'd last longer before waving your little white flag.
No, you win.
You're the captain now.
You are the hero.
The Lord is my shepherd Arthur, I knew you'd come! The light in your heart outshines the darkness.
I got tired of sitting at home listening to crap music, so I thought I'd try it on dry land.
Our sister church brought their very own religious-themed discing jockey.
She's spinning something called "House Hymns.
" Her stage name is WWDJ.
What does that even mean? "What would disc jockey?" Is there a place where people aren't? Yeah! Let me join you.
Yeah, so, uh, ever since we split up, I've just been all about taking care of my son, Cash.
It's the, uh, it's the toughest job you'll ever love.
- Oh, is that him? - Hey.
Oh.
Uh, yeah.
Hey, will you excuse me for one second? Uh, I think he's having an allergic reaction to music.
Hey, Cash.
What are you doing? Trying to let her know I'm interested.
Oh, dude, no, no, no, no.
See, the trick with girls like that is you gotta let 'em know that you ain't interested, okay? Your best bet is to, like, kiss some other girl in front of her, or just leave.
'Cause that'll send a pretty clear message.
Last time I took advice from you - Mm-hmm? - Our whole school got lice.
At least you were listening to me, son.
Boy, am I jealous of you.
The hottest guy in the whole place can't stop staring at you.
Oh, Dwayne? We're just good friends.
Well, actually, more like brother and sister, 'cause they don't ever kiss.
Oh, no, hopefully never.
Actually, you might be perfect for him.
You don't know anything about me, so - Uh, what's your name? - Georgia.
He loves Georgia! - Aah! - Dwayne! Guess who has the same name as your favorite state? What your name is Enlightenment? Oh, what a fun guess.
No, I'm Georgia.
- Georgia? Oh.
- Yeah.
Yeah, most people would be delighted to have a professor for a son-in-law.
Ex-professor.
Okay, idiot.
I thought I might find you here.
All right, give me back my voltage regulator.
I don't know what that is, but I do have a pocketful of colorful wires.
All family relationships are complicated.
My father cheats at charades.
Whispering is still talking.
Oh, he's not family.
He's just the man that my daughter wasted her life on.
You want the boat so much? You can have it.
But you need to admit that you're doing this to spite me, not because you care about Jean.
You never made time for her when she was alive.
But if you want to see her now, she's right out there.
The cemetery's actually that way.
He got turned around.
Hey, man.
You know, it's not that your dancing wasn't really good It was, like, some of the best I've ever seen.
It's just that people usually only do the YMCA during that one song.
It's okay, Dad.
I'm not surprised.
She's like a ten, and I'm a four.
Oh, come on, man.
That is nonsense.
Look at your mom and me.
She's a 14, and I'm a 2.
But look.
Maybe next time you just, you know, you just ask her to dance.
But make it a slow song 'cause girls like slow songs.
Thanks, Dad.
You're welcome, buddy.
And you're not a two.
Oh, man, I know.
I'm like a 30.
But that would've made for a real stinker of a pep talk, don't you think? What are we doing out here? Okay, the sun is about to set, so I'm at least adjacent to socially acceptable drinking hours.
I'm avoiding seeing Dwayne.
It's like making pickles.
Is this another one of those desultory, esoteric, Southern metaphors? After you put the pickles in the garbage can, the key thing is to just not take the lid off.
Why are you making pickles in a garbage can? People think that good pickles come from spices, but it's the timing.
Hang on, I haven't bought in to your basic premise that you need a garbage can to make pickles.
You take the lid off too early, you get salty cucumbers.
You leave it on too long right in the trash can.
Where you're making the pickles? Gross, no.
It's a dedicated pickle-making garbage can.
Look, my point is that right now is not the time to get involved with Dwayne.
Well, tell him.
If he's really a friend, he'll understand.
Unless he's like my insane father-in-law, has to make every situation about himself.
You know anyone else like that? Yeah.
I think I do.
Chris Pilot.
Couldn't go two seconds without bringing up his Pulitzer.
Right Look, you two are both grieving, so maybe instead of taking your anger out on each other, try to find a little common ground in your sorrow.
No, it's not the same thing.
I lost my wife.
Well, he lost his daughter.
How about I start taking your advice about difficult conversations when you stop hiding to avoid them? Dwayne? Can we talk? Do you mind if I go first? Ginny, I'm sorry for making things so weird.
Yes, I had feelings for you, but I care way too much about our friendship to pursue them.
I care about our friendship, too, Dwayne.
I depend on it.
I just hate how awkward it's been.
I mean, I tried to apologize to you tonight, but clearly you've been avoiding me.
Hey friends? Friends.
You know, I only asked you to save me a dance because I wanted to go back to the best time in our friendship when we would rock it at the school dance.
Well, then let's go back.
You still remember that routine we did at the Soy Bean Harvest? The one the paper called "out of place"? - Mm-hmm.
- You know I do.
Party people! Yeah! - We kickin' the flow - We kickin' the flow And it goes a little something like this Tag Team, back again I'd like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude and to thank you for those care packages that you've been sending.
I'm so sorry.
I wish I would've thought to reach out, but unfortunately, I have not.
But they always come with this, uh, this same little card.
Here you go.
Party over here, party over there Wave your hands in the air, shake your derriere These three words mean you're getting' busy Whoomp, there it is, hit me Whoomp, there it is Whoomp, there it is "Enjoy the protein shakes and granola bars, "and remember: today is going to be better than yesterday.
Love, your friends at the First Second Church.
" Shaka-laka, shaka-laka, shaka-lak, a-shaka Whoomp! Shaka-laka, shaka-laka Shaka-lak, a-shaka, whoomp! Can you dig it? - Can you dig it? - Can y'all dig it? Can you dig it? That's odd, that's what Arthur calls our church.
Aww.
Son of a bitch.
It's electric! Hi, I'm Cash.
Hey.
Harper.
So since you're on break, care to dance? Sure.
You can't see it It's electric You gotta feel it It's electric Ooh, it's shakin' - It's electric - Uh, right here? Jiggle-a-mesa-cara - She's a pumpin' like a matic - Sorry.
She's moving like electric, she sure got the boogie You gotta know it - Wait, here? - It's electric - Boogie woogie, woogie - Now you can't hold it - What are you doing? - Uh sorry.
But you know it's there - Here there and everywhere - Forget it.
- Where are you going? - My son needs a slow song.
This group can't handle a tempo change.
You can't see it It's electric, boogie woogie, woogie - You gotta feel it - Hey, what's happening now? It's electric, boogie woogie, woogie Ooh, it's shakin' It's electric, boogie woogie, woogie Jiggle-a-mesa-cara she's a pumpin' like a matic She's movin' like electric She sure got the boogie Ola ola eh, ola eh - Don dela don deloh! - Ola ola eh, ola eh Don dela don deloh! Are you shopping for a plot? I know what you did.
I don't need or want your sympathies.
I wasn't doing it for you.
I was doing it for Jean.
She asked me to look out for you.
Well, she asked me not to kill you.
You wanna know the real reason I haven't been by since the funeral? It's just too damn hard.
I thought I'd feel that way, but this is this is where I feel close to her.
This and And that and the boat.
As hard as it is for you to visit is as hard as it is for me to leave.
Keep the boat.
She'd want you to have it.
Thank you, Tinsley.
Hey, would you mind coming by later to fix those wires, 'cause I don't know how to do that.
I know you can hear me! Jesus.
I was hopeful that Singles Night would end in a love connection, but I'll settle for a family connection.
That is not what happened here.
I think you "doth protest too much.
" Hamlet said that in the Shakespeare play, "Everyone Loses When Your Mother Marries Your Uncle.
" What's going on there? Oh, just another fella in our family hitting the jackpot with a woman who's out of his league.
Well, that was a fun Singles Night.
Yeah, but Harper does have concerns about Dad as a father figure.
Pretty and smart.
You're in a lot of trouble, son.

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