Pinky and the Brain (1995) s03e07 Episode Script

This Old Mouse

Announcer: and now, here are your emmy award winning stars Pinky and the brain! My friends, Henceforth our program Will present only searing intellectual drama.
No more cheap slapstick gags.
From now on, only dignity.
Huh? Aaah! Pinky: dignity hurts.
Man: ha ha ha! Gee, brain, What do you want to do tonight? Same thing we do every night, pinky.
Try to take over the world.
they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain one is a genius the other's insane they're laboratory mice their genes have been spliced they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain, brain before each night is done their plan will be unfurled by the dawning of the sun they'll take over the world they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain their twilight campaign is easy to explain to prove their mousey worth they'll overthrow the earth they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain Narf! warner bros.
[Organ playing charge] Oof, oof, oof! Oof! Voila! Announcer: now coming into the game for calgary, Star center pinky baiul! [Cheering] Ahh duhhh [humming] Arrgh! Hello, lights? Come on, people, i can't work like this.
I turned it off.
Oh, right.
Ha ha ha! Oh, egad, brain, that was more fun Than the time we made oatmeal in my mouth.
Narf! Pinky, it's not a toy.
It's a virtual reality transynchrotron, Capable of simulating not only games, But also the future.
Egad! How, brain? I have reduced all of history to a simple equation.
Like e=mc little 2? Even simpler.
Just "e.
" Eeeee using my equation, These headsets will allow us to visit the virtual future, When one of my plans has succeeded And i am ruling the world.
Which plan, brain? Hmm.
Well they're all so feasible.
[Gasp] [gasp] A realization, pinky.
Aah! Where? Is it on me? Get it off! Get it off! We do know which plan will succeed.
This one.
Heh heh heh.
So many levels.
Ha ha ha.
" Oooh once we broadcast a tape of the future, The world will see how perfect life will be under my rule And gladly surrender now.
Prepare, pinky.
We're taking a trip to the future.
I brought some snacks for our trip And some light reading.
Jurassic park.
You know, this would make a great movie.
Pinky, i think your cerebrospinal fluid Is running a few quarts low.
"Cerebro few quarts low.
" Well, same to you! Heh heh.
"Well, same to you--" Ooh! This dial turns it on, And this one sets the time.
What about this one? Don't touch that, pinky.
Why? That one opens the garage.
It's set to show us where we'll be ruling in the future.
I wonder where my future headquarters will be.
Twitty city? What? It's the hip dollywood.
No, pinky.
Someplace like the white house, the kremlin the lab? Look, brain, we're over there.
Brain, we're ancient.
We must be almost My white hair has turned gray.
Egad! Ooh, i haven't aged well at all.
I really should use a night cream.
Ha ha.
And look at your floppy left ear.
You can't raise it up anymore.
Ha ha ha! Pinky, where is my fluxometer? Where did you put it? If i knew where i put it, i--I-- You're trying to trick me, aren't you? About what? My i have no idea.
Pinky, right? You're asking me? Grrrrraahh! Ughh! Ooh, my hip.
Hoo haa! [Cough cough] Narf.
It's like watching the best of wheeler and woolsie.
But i don't understand.
Where are my minions, my cabinet, My jewel-Encrusted cummerbund? Blech.
[Coughs] What are we going to do tonight umbrain? Same thing we do every night, pinky.
Try to-- Try to do that same-- You're trying to trick me again, aren't you? What? I'm still trying to take over the world? Still trying? Still trying? The same thing we do every night, pinky.
Same thing we do every night, pinky.
Same thing we do every night, pinky.
Same thing we do every night, pinky.
Pinky, i'll i'll never actually take over the world.
Night after night, None of my brilliant plans ever successful.
My entire life will be a waste.
Still hung up on that whole "failure to achieve your life's goal 'Cause i'm a big fat loser thing," eh? Yes.
Quite a shame, really.
So, what are we going to do tomorrow night, brain? I have no idea.
Well, um, actually, i have a plan.
We can make pencils that taste like bacon.
All right, then.
Oh, oh, oh! We'll make bacon that tastes like pencils.
Umpencils that taste like pencils? Hmmi'm running out of ideas here.
Don't you see, pinky? I've squandered my entire life.
Look at me.
I'm middle-Aged.
I have nothing to show for my life Except a sagging waistline And a roommate who thinks lint is a delicacy.
Uh! Uhh.
Uhhuh! [Panting] Ah-Ha-Ha! Oh, what a fun ride.
Narf! Um, sorry i got sick, But, all in all Egad.
What are you doing, brain? I'm giving away everything i own.
Material possessions No longer have any meaning for me.
I have no need anymore for for anything.
Um brain? Don't you think maybe you've had enough to drink? Nag, nag, nag.
Just leave me be.
That's it! "Tough love" time.
[Peppy music plays] A-One and a-Two and a just say narf! just say narf! don't you know, to be glad just say narf! every day is a joy and so marvelous don't ruin it with plenty of fuss just say zort! just say-- Poit [thunder] Poit.
Go, brain.
Go find your smile.
Maybe pinky's right.
"Just say narf.
" Yes.
Forget the world and just-- As today's kids say-- Have fun.
From now on, I'm living life to the fullest.
This is the first day of the rest of my life.
[Brain narrating] and so, I decided to go for the gusto And start living life in the fast lane.
But i was only fooling myself.
I was drifting, rudderless, Like some kind of rudderless, drifty thing.
What are you thinking, brain? Brain? All my madcap merrymaking couldn't shoo away The little rain cloud in my heart.
Worse, i found out That my toupee wasn't a "clooney.
" It was a "schwimmer," whoever that is.
I was blind, a soul in pain, Spinning wildly out of control, Until i bumped into my neighbor mr.
Or at least, bumped into his house.
Yaah! [Ding dong] Man: coming! Mr.
Sultana, It is i, your neighbor, Mr.
Feldman! You look upset.
Perhaps you come in, We shoot some pool, We talk about your problem.
Come in, come in.
Ok, yes, yes, my friend.
We talk, we laugh, we cry.
Whatever you want.
I rack them.
Maybe try this one? So, uh, how is the things With you and mrs.
Feldman? Mrs.
Feldman? Oh.
Oh, yes.
They're fine.
Sultana, I think i'm having a mid-Life crisis.
Oh, too bad.
Table must be uneven.
I just-- I no longer find my occupation satisfying.
This i do know.
Long ago, sultana very big talent agent.
Perhaps you hear of my best clients, Siegfried and roy? Yes.
I've seen their magic.
Magic? What, eh what magic? Anyhoo, i don't like show business.
Too many phonies.
So i go see career counselor.
He tell me what i should be.
Which is what? Paranoid recluse.
The pay is not so good, But the hours are very flexible.
Career counselor, very smart.
Very smart, career counselor! Career counselor.
Career counselor.
Career counselor.
I've done mostly lab work, Electro-Mechanical engineering, Rebuilding particle accelerators, Mind control, that sort of stuff.
I have all the data i need.
The computer correlates your work history, Your abilities, and intelligence, In order to precisely determine Your ideal vocation.
And your true calling is ski instructor.
Ski instructor? Ski instructor.
I can do that.
It's just like being a math instructor, Just less math and a lot more skiing.
Yes! Yes, yes, of course.
From this point on, I, the brain, am a ski instructor.
Well, pinky, I guess this is it.
I think i've got everything.
But you know me, Always forgetting my comb, my socks, My louis farrakhan calypso records.
Pinky, i'm sorry.
I thought i'd been clear.
I'm leaving to become a ski instructor.
Just me, sans you.
Oh, so that's it, eh? That's the thanks i get, Working double shifts Just to put you through law school! I never went to law school.
I suppose that's my fault, too! Good-Bye, pinky.
Bye, brain.
Take care.
Good morning, students.
Good morning, jean-Claude brain.
Today, i will instruct you in the mastery Of inertia re-Establishment Utilizing weight distribution Through metatarsal manipulation.
You mean stopping? Yes.
But when i say it, It sounds groovy.
Both: bonjour, jean-Claude brain.
[Giggling] Yes! Ski bunnies.
Could life get any better? Dirty, dirty, dirty.
Sultana: yoo-Hoo, eh, mrs.
Feldman? [Gasps] Mrs.
Feldman? I saw the mr.
Feldman leave to find himself.
So i brought some gift to cheer you up.
Um, i-I'm in the shower.
You'll have to come back some other time.
You may leave your present.
It's a yam.
I leave for you.
Ok? Bye-Bye! [Gasp] You look like brain.
[Imitating brain] pinky, are you pondering What i'm pondering? I think so, yam.
But, oh, i wish i could see brain.
I can't see him now.
But i can see him in the future.
Can you see ok, yam? Let's see where brain is tomorrow.
Ha ha ho ho! Oh, i'm a skier! Narf! Oh, look, yam, It's brain.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, my gosh.
Brain's happy here.
He found his smile.
Hurrah! Ha! Ah, how did i ever get along without fresh air, Exercise, and tiny electric socks? ricola [Echoing] [gasps] [Rumbling] Brain! Aah! Brain! Brain! Dig, yam! Dig like you've never dug before! [Beep] Neh! Brain is going to die tomorrow! Yam? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ah, how did i ever get along without fresh air, Exercise, and tiny electric socks? Riiiii-- Pinky: no, stop that! Aah, snow blind! Poit, poit! No, it couldn't be.
Tell me that's not-- Whaa! Ooh! Pinky, what are you doing here? I came to save you, brain.
I don't need saving.
Don't you understand? You're part of my old life.
I'm happy, happy! Do you hear? Ricooo-- No, no, brain.
You mustn't yell that word, Or you'll cause a big, noisy avalanche And be smooshed.
I saw it, brain, And so did yam.
Pinky, you're babbling more than usual.
But it's true, brain.
Smooshed dead.
We saw it all in the goggles.
The virtual reality goggles? But--But if you saw it there, And the future can't be changed, Then that means i am going to die in an avalanche.
Pinky, hurry.
Get out of here.
Save yourself.
No, brain.
I'd never leave you.
You can't save me.
I can't lose you again, brain.
Without you, i feel so garfunkley.
Pinky, please! No! Yes! [Echoing] Quick, brain, up this tree! Come on, brain, jump! Uh! Yah! [Gasp] No time, pinky.
Go on without me.
Never! Hold on, brain! I'm alive.
Ha ha ha! Me, too.
Narf! Ha ha! Oh, fun, fun! we're making snow angels Ha ha.
Uh, do you need instructions? I survived.
Pinky, are you pondering What i'm pondering? I think so, brain.
But if we had a snowmobile, Wouldn't it melt before summer? Don't you see, pinky? I didn't die.
The future can be changed.
I can still fulfill my dreams, My destiny of taking over the world.
[Choking] air not reaching shins.
We must return to the lab, pinky.
We have giant dryers to build, Hypnotic socks to knit.
And pencils to make taste like bacon.
Pinky: whaa ha ha! Pinky, i told you to destroy That villainous harbinger of the future.
Whaa! Some things are best left unknown.
Oh, brain, brain, you've got to see this.
It's incredible.
A huge crowd in front of the lab cheering.
Just like you've always dreamed.
Say what? [Cheering] Yes! Pinky, My dreams of taking over the world Have finally been realized.
Yam! Yam! Yam! Yam? This trip is over.
Hurry, pinky, We have to get back to reality So we can plan for tomorrow night.
Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night, brain? Same thing we do every night, pinky.
Try to take over the yam.
they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain, brain warner bros.
Captioned by the national --Www.