Pointless Celebrities (2010) s11e04 Episode Script
Writers
1 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank you very much indeed.
Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to this special writers' edition of Pointless Celebrities, the quiz where the aim of the game is to score as few points as you can, and you do that by coming up with the answers no-one else could think of.
Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.
And couple number one.
Hi, I'm Martina Cole.
I'm a crime author.
I'm Peter James.
I write crime thrillers.
Couple number two.
I'm Grace Dent.
I'm an author and a broadcaster and a restaurant critic.
I'm Hanif Kureishi, and I'm a novelist, screenwriter, short story writer and, er, essay writer.
Couple number three.
Hello, I'm Fern Britton, and I'm a presenter and author.
Hello, I'm Jilly Cooper, and I'm a journalist and author.
Hurray! And finally, couple number four.
Hi, I'm Charlie Higson, and I am an actor and a writer.
And I'm Sally Gardner, and I'm a children's writer, and I've branched into being an adult writer.
Thanks very much, all of you.
A very warm welcome to Pointless, it's lovely to have you all here.
We'll get to chat to you each, of course, throughout the show as it goes along.
So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.
He's available in all good book shops.
It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.
Hiya.
Hey, everybody.
Good evening.
Good evening to YOU.
Good evening.
What a classy line-up for once! Huh?! I know! This is nice, isn't it? This would be a good dinner party.
Podium four there, we have Pointless royalty.
We've got Charlie Higson there - not only has he got a pointless answer in the past, he's won a Pointless trophy I think it's two.
He's also won the jackpot! Get out of here! How about that?! Can you imagine such a thing? No, no.
And podium three, talking of royalty, Jilly Cooper and Fern Britton, how about that?! I know, I know! If I was on any of the other podiums, I would let them win.
That's what I would do.
I just think it would be a classy thing to do.
And talking of classy, very classy on podium two.
Yes.
Grace Dent and Hanif Kureishi.
It's not your normal Saturday night BBC line-up, I'm going to say that.
It's a treat, isn't it? And podium one, two of my absolute favourite crime writers as well.
We're brilliant at crime writing in this country, we've got some of the best crime writers in the world, and we've got two of the very best here as well, Peter and Martina.
It's going to be a cracker, isn't it? Round One, the good news is - perfect for a wordsmith.
Wow! What a trail! Also a lovely round if you're a fan of hearing Xander using foreign accents, which I am! Wow.
Round One - coming soon! Yeah.
Wow! That's not bad, is it? You're reading on, aren't you? Yeah, I'm reading on.
Turning that page, in fact, right now! As usual, all of today's questions have been put to 100 people before the show.
Our contestants here are looking for those all-important pointless answers.
If you find one of those answers that none of our 100 people gave, then we'll add ã250 to the jackpot.
Now, as today's show is a celebrity special, and each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity, we're going to start off with a jackpot of ã2,500.
There it is.
Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless! The only thing you have to remember is this - the pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be eliminated, so keep your scores as low as you possibly can, and there'll be no conferring till we get to our head-to-head round.
OK, our first category this evening is There we are.
Languages.
Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second? And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.
And the question concerns Richard.
Yeah.
If I know this lot, if there's one thing they revised, it was German and Spanish clothing! On each board, we're going to show you the German and Spanish terms for a series of bits of clothing or accessories.
You just need to give us the English term, please.
There's going to be seven on the first board, seven on the second, 14 in all to have a go at at home.
Good luck.
And we get the German AND the Spanish? German and Spanish, so you get to do your German accent, which is justly lauded the world over Wow! Yeah! And also your Spanish accent, which is also coming on.
It's coming on, yeah! OK.
So, we are looking for the English terms, the English equivalents of these German and Spanish Clothes.
And accessories.
And accessories! That's nice.
Yeah.
OK, here they come.
Thank you.
It's a hard transition you're having to make there, isn't it? It IS, yeah.
I'll read those all again.
There we are.
Peter, welcome to Pointless! Great to have you with us this evening.
Thank you, Alexander.
Now, tell me about Absolute Proof.
Absolute Proof is a departure from my regular crime novels.
Mmm.
It's a story about what would happen if somebody claimed to have conclusive proof that God existed.
So it's a thriller set around that whole theme.
I had a phone call out of the blue in 2003 from an elderly guy, who said, "Is that Peter James, the author?" And I go, "Yes.
" He said, "I'm not a nutcase, I was a retired professor of mathematics, "I've been given absolute proof of God's existence, and I've been told "you're the author who will help me get taken seriously.
" Oh, wow! He says, "I need to come and see you, I'm going to need "four days of your time.
" Wow! I said, "Look, I can give you a cup of tea and half an hour," because I was intrigued.
Yeah.
And that was the starting point.
Did he sort of bring an overhead projector with him and some pens? He brought a 1,250-page manuscript that God's representative had channelled to him.
And an old guy with a beard.
And an old guy with a beard.
And three pieces of information nobody on this planet knows - he had the compass coordinates for the location of the Holy Grail, and the Ark of the Covenant.
Yeah, it's interesting that it should be a mathematician and not a theologian or Of all the things.
Yeah.
To come to you.
Anyway, that's fascinating.
I can't wait for that to come out.
Thank you.
Now, Peter, we have to turn our minds to this - the Spanish and German clothing and accessories issue.
I'm kind of looking at Handtasche, Bolso De Mano, because my family are glove makers.
So I'm going to go for glove.
For Die Handtasche, El Bolso De Mano.
Glove, says Peter.
Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said glove.
Oh! Oh! I'm sorry.
Oh, that may not be the last incorrect answer, so don't worry, but I'm afraid that WAS an incorrect answer and it scores you 100 points, I'm sorry about that.
Well, absolutely right.
A good punt, though, but, yeah, it may not be the only wrong answer.
I'll give all the correct answers at the end of the pass.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Thank you.
Grace, welcome to Pointless.
Hello.
Wonderful to have you.
Now, you actually read English literature? Yes, I did.
When you read English literature, which I also did, people always say, "So you're going to be a writer or a teacher?" But you actually You're living the dream? I am doing exactly the thing that I always wanted to do.
I don't mean being here.
I wasn't so specific in my dream, but, yeah.
Ouch! But it is lovely to be here.
Until I saw these! I was hoping for some A gentle literary round, maybe, to begin with.
This is So if I'm standing like a rabbit in the headlights, it's because I did German at GCSE, and have realised I know not a single word any more, and was actually just a truant.
Talk to me about your restaurant reviewing.
Oh, yeah.
How long have you been doing that? You're on the Evening Standard.
Yes, I've been doing that for five or six years.
Do you find? Because obviously, inevitably you become part of the food scene, if you're a regular reviewer Yes.
.
.
it's hard to be completely objective, presumably, or do you? You can still be objective.
It does get more difficult.
And also you can't be in disguise, because No.
You know, if I went in disguise, people would just say, "Why has Grace Dent got a blonde wig on? Is she OK?" And also you'd have to eat the same rubbish food that the rest of us get served! You wouldn't get the I know, that would be hideous! I know! I think that you learn to know when you're being buttered up and you learn to try to avoid people at parties.
Very good, very sensible.
Grace, what would you like to go for on our board here? Erm, I'm finding this hard because I'm not 100% sure on any of them.
However, Der Pulli and El Sueter sounds to me like a jumper.
El Sueter.
Der Pulli.
El Sue A A jumper.
A jumper.
Let's see if that is a jumper.
It is! 49! APPLAUSE Wayhey! 49 for jumper! That's the greatest feeling in the world! Very well done indeed! Well done.
I love the fact that Pulli and sueter is essentially just what my nan would call them, and they've just I know! The Germans and Spanish have stolen them.
You know, if you don't get new clothes for Christmas in Iceland, the tradition is, the giant Christmas cat will eat you.
Yeah, giant Christmas cat.
That's nice, isn't it? Giant Christmas cat! Thank you, Richard.
Fern, welcome back to Pointless.
Hi.
Now then, you're busy writing your seventh novel.
Yep.
I mean, you've had huge success as a writer.
Astonishing, I know, but You were in television presenting before that.
Did this come out of the fact that, as we all know, television presenting involves an awful lot of sitting around? Honestly, I wasn't doing any work at all, and someone rang me up and said, "Do you want to write a book?" And I thought, "I don't know that I can.
" And she said, "Oh, that's fine, we'll look after you!" And so that was seven books ago, yes.
And do you always write in the same place? Do you have a particular room? Yes, I do.
I just look at a wall, no music, nothing, just do it.
Yeah.
She's very, very good.
She IS very, very good! I love Jilly! Aw! Now, Fern, how good is your Spanish and German? Erm, OK, so there are a couple of obvious, and there's a dangerous one.
Erm We're going to go for the bottom one, and hope that that is a handkerchief.
A handkerchief.
I'll tell you what it's NOT.
It's not a glove.
Anyway, OK, let's have a look! Handkerchief, let's see if that is right - maybe it is.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.
Oh, no, it's not looking good.
No! No! Sorry.
No, don't worry.
Don't worry.
The curse of the Handtasche! That would be a good book, The Curse Of The Handtasche! The Curse Of The Handtasche! Oh, I'm having that! Yeah, it's not a glove, it's not a handkerchief.
There's almost nothing left! What can it be? What could it possibly be?! Er, there we go.
Charlie, welcome back, lovely to have you with us.
It's lovely to be back.
Your books have been translated into 24 languages.
I think so, yes.
Not by me.
I'm not sure I even know 24 languages.
Can you tell me which languages they are? Erm No.
I've been told that statistic, I've never actually checked it out.
24, I mean, how many languages are there? Obviously there's lots of dialects What, in the WORLD? There's thousands.
Well, I know, I know.
But sort of main There is absolutely no way you couldn't name 24 languages.
Oh, I suppose so.
English Yeah, come on.
French, German, Spanish, Italian French, German, Spanish.
Italian, yes.
Basque.
Erm, Portuguese Yeah.
Erm Oh, yeah, it's really hard! Yeah! Yeah! I've run out! OK, now, Charlie Yes.
This board is all yours - please will you fill in all these unanswered questions for us? Well, the top one looks to me like it could be sunglasses.
The second one is a shoe of some sort.
A Bustenhalter - that's got to be a bra, hasn't it? The Hut and the Sombrero has got to be a hat.
I mean, that, I think, is one that people have been avoiding.
And I think the last one is probably a handbag, but A handbag! Yes, erm So, I'm going to go for the Bustenhalter, because it's the most fun one.
The Bustenhalter.
Let's hope it's not wrong, eh? A bra.
Let's see if that's right - is it a bra? How many people said it? Oh, well done! Yes Oh! Well! Brilliant! APPLAUSE The Bustenhalter is a bra! 29 people said it, but they were all thinking it! Yeah, it literally means "the bust holder".
They don't muck about, the Germans, do they? No, they don't.
They really don't.
Shall we fill these in? You did rather well, actually, Charlie.
The top one IS sunglasses, well done.
Would have scored you 32.
The next one down, it IS a type of shoe, it's a training shoe, trainer.
So it would have scored nine points.
Well done if you said that at home.
Yeah, Der Hut and El Sombrero, it's a hat.
Only 75.
Mmm.
Der Schal, La Bufanda.
Shawl? The Schal is kind of a clue, it's a scarf.
A scarf.
Not a million miles off.
18 points.
And I wonder what this bottom one is.
Yeah, mmm.
It is Handbag.
A handbag.
Well done, Charlie.
Would have scored you 14 points.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Well, we're halfway through the round, let's take a quick look at those scores.
29, Charlie, very well done, best score of the pass, so Charlie and Sally looking very safe at this stage.
49 is where we find Grace and Hanif.
100 is where we have Fern, Jilly, Peter and Martina all tied.
So, Jilly and Martina, it's going to be between you to see who stays and who leaves at the end of this round.
Best of luck with that.
We're going to come back down the line now.
Can the second players please step up to the podium? OK, let's put seven more German and Spanish terms on the board, and here they are.
We have got Sorry, I'll do that again a little bit quicker! Here we go.
Phew, there we are, we've made it! Sally, welcome to Pointless.
Now, Sally, you only learned to read at the age of 14? That's correct.
This is true.
Yes.
You suffer from exquisite dyslexia.
Absolutely.
And then you were an illustrator.
Yes.
And then were encouraged by your publisher To be a writer.
To be a writer.
Yes.
That's incredible! Tell me about that.
Well, I was an illustrator, and I sort of did all right, and then I had a wonderful editor who I worked with, and she said, "I think you really are a writer, so just could you get on with it?" And the first book I ever did I was so worried about it that I wrote it in sort of children's exercise books and I put in a bag on the bus with a hole in it, and I thought, "If it all fell out before it got to the publishing house, "then I was obviously not meant to be a writer".
And fortunately, it sort of stuck in the bag till I got there, and that book was published without one thing being altered.
Never happened again.
What about that? Amazing.
Amazing story.
APPLAUSE So the question is, do you conceive stories verbally, or are they sort of pictures in? No, they're pictures.
I get them in pictures.
And then I sort of get them so I can walk around them and Yeah.
Like a film set, I can alter the scenery, like I wish I could alter myself from now, like, whisk off! Now, listen, you're the low-scorers.
Yes.
Yes.
You're in a very luxurious position thanks to Charlie's hard work.
Yes.
What would you like to go for on this board, Sally? Well, I think I'm going to go for the top, Der Gurtel, and I think it's a skirt, but I'm not sure.
A skirt, says Sally.
A skirt.
Let's see if that's right.
Here is your red line.
If you can get below this red line, Sally, with skirt, then you are through to the next round.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said it, let's see if it's right.
Oh! Oh! Bad luck, unfortunately not.
It sounded very, very likely.
I thought that was a very good answer, but I'm afraid a wrong answer, as it turns out.
Scores you 100 points, 129 is your total.
Yeah, sorry, Sally, we did say at the start that we might see more than one 100 answer.
I think this board is even harder if anything, isn't it? I think it is, yeah.
Erm, Jilly, welcome to Pointless, lovely to have you here.
Now, talking of losing things on a bus, your first novel, you lost a whole draft.
Mmm.
Was it on the Underground or something like that? No, it was on a bus.
It WAS on a bus as well! The awful shaming thing was, I took it out because I was quite near the end and I wanted to correct it, and I took it out to lunch, and Freudian thing, I can't remember who I had lunch with, and then I got on the 22 bus, and I got back to Putney and it had gone.
FERN GASPS My book had gone.
Which book was it? It's called Riders.
Riders! It was! So it was But it was how long before you rewrote it? 15 years.
Oh, no! Imagine finding that - could have made a fortune! Whoever found it would have They could have become you.
The bus conductor's novel! Yeah! Yeah! Jilly, there you are on 100.
The high score is now 129, so if you can score 28 or less, then you step through to Round Two.
I think I'll go back to number one, and I think that might be a belt or a girdle or something.
A belt! A belt! Let's see if that's right.
Here is your red line.
Not as low as I thought it was going to be.
There we are.
If you can get below that with belt, you are through to the next round.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said belt.
It's right! Jilly! Jilly! And you're through! Very good! 15, and 115 is your total.
APPLAUSE Yeah, very well played.
That was well done, wasn't it? That was very well done.
Yeah.
Thank you very much indeed.
Now, then, Hanif, welcome.
Thank you.
Good to have you here.
When you introduced yourself, you have been a great many things, but is there one of those that you think is the .
.
is the thing that encompasses all the rest, if you could only do one? Well, I think all the writers here would probably be equally aware that we all have to make a living, so Yeah.
I look out the window and see if my children have enough clothes on, and whether I need to If I write a movie, you get more money, if you write a novel, similarly, and so on, so it depends on the school year, really.
Have you ever gone back to the stage? Because you Obviously you were an acclaimed playwright before you found success as a screenwriter.
Have you? I was thinking about this last night because I was watching TV last night and I was thinking, "Thank God I'm not at the theatre," because when you're watching the telly, you can turn over, and of course in the theatre, obviously you can't do that.
So I'm writing for TV now, and I love the TV, and of course, you never forget that the viewer can turn over.
Although Although, don't.
Don't, would be my Always best not to remind them, I think, in the! Hanif, what would you like to go for? You're on 49.
The high-scorers are on 129 over there on the far podium, so 79 or less keeps you in the game.
Erm, I would say that the third one down is probably a blouse.
OK, a blouse for Die Bluse.
Let's see if that's right.
Here is your red line.
If you're below that red line, you're through to Round Two.
How many of our 100 people said blouse? It's right.
And it's good enough! Look at that, 66! APPLAUSE Takes your total up to 115, where you join Jilly and Fern, in fact! Very well played.
You worry slightly for the 34.
A little bit.
"Bluse, Bluse Oh, this is" Thank you, Richard.
Martina, welcome to Pointless.
Great to have you.
Thank you.
Now, I have read a lovely fact, which is, apparently your novels are the most often stolen from shops Yes.
.
.
and the most often requested in prisons.
Yes, in prisons! I'm very proud of that, it's a lovely fact.
It should be a pointless fact, really.
It should be! I'm going to store that away.
But that's wonderful, and actually, that reflects very, very well on your writing.
Well, I think I'm very lucky.
I write from the point of view of the criminal a lot of the time, so I think it is quite a compliment that criminals It's an endorsement! .
.
think my books are so good, they want to steal them! Yeah! OK, now, there you are on 100! The high-scorers still on that far podium, 129.
You have to score 28 or less to stay in.
I got that.
I was going to go for belt, actually, and then I was going to go for blouse.
But I'm going to go for, I think, Die Jacke or La Chaqueta, I think it's a jacket.
Die Jacke.
La Chaqueta.
I Well, let's see, here is your red line.
If you get below that with jacket, you are into the next round.
Let's see how many of our 100 people went for jacket.
It's right.
Oh! 57! Bad luck.
APPLAUSE 57! That takes your total up to 157.
Charlie's next Pointless trophy has come back into sharp focus.
Richard.
Shall we go through the rest of the answers? I'm going to give one of these questions to Peter as well, as we go through them.
Der Rock, La Falda - now, funnily enough, THAT'S a skirt.
Rock and a Falda.
That would have scored you 11 points.
Der Badeanzug and El Traje de Bano is swimming costume.
Yes.
9 points for that.
Now, Peter, we've already seen that the Germans call a bra a bust holder - what do you think a Handschuh is? A Handschuh is a glove! It is a glove, yeah, you're absolutely right, and that would have scored 32.
And Der Stiefel and La Bota would have seen you through to the next round A boot.
Shoe.
It is a boot, yeah.
It's a boot.
And that would have scored 13 points.
So swimming costume the best answer on that board.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
So, at the end of our first round, the pair we have to send home with their high score of 157, I'm so sorry, Martina and Peter, it's you.
As Richard said, ideally we'd just keep you all here for the whole show, which would be lovely.
But, sadly, we can't.
A great pleasure to have you on the show, thank you so much.
Martina and Peter, fabulous! Thank you.
Thank you.
APPLAUSE But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.
And so, three pairs remain.
Very well done, all of you, for making it through.
Sally and Charlie, phew, that was close! But anyway, very, very best of luck to all three pairs.
Our category for Round Two this evening is Appropriately enough, fictional characters.
Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second? And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.
OK, and the question concerns Richard.
Yeah, every now and again, the Royal Mail bring out special collections of stamps.
We're going to show you the names of four of those collections, and we need you to name any character who appeared on one of these stamps, please.
So, any character who appeared in any of the following collections of Royal Mail stamps.
OK, so as Richard has said, we're going to put a list up on the board.
That list will remain for the whole round, we won't be changing it halfway through the round, just so you know.
Let us see what is on that list.
Here it comes.
We want any fictional character from those lists.
Grace.
Oh, OK.
Erm I'm going to go with my very favourite Mr Man, and just hope, because it's quite obscure, it will be down the list.
Does that make sense? Yeah.
Yes, it does.
Mr Tickle.
Mr Tickle.
OK, let's see if Mr Tickle is in that selection of Mr Men and Little Miss characters.
If he is, how many of our 100 people said Mr Tickle? Oh! He's there! Good answer, 15, very well done.
I knew he wouldn't let me down! APPLAUSE Very well done indeed, Grace! I love him! 15 for Mr Tickle.
That was a gutsy answer, wasn't it, Mr Tickle? Wasn't it? That was scary! Yeah, his arms are 20 bananas long, according to the official Mr Men website.
That's why I chose him.
Because his arms are 20 bananas long? I love him, he's my favourite one because he can put his arm right down and make toast and tea in the morning and come back up.
Without getting out of bed.
Yeah, exactly.
Listen, you and me both - it's exactly the same.
I love the guy.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Jilly.
Erm, I'd like to do Beatrix Potter.
And which character are you going to go for? Mrs Tiggy-Winkle.
Mrs Tiggy-Winkle, says Jilly.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Mrs Tiggy-Winkle.
It's right.
15 is the only score posted so far Mrs Tiggy-Winkle is 18! Yes! Very well done indeed! APPLAUSE It's got such a great kind of Sixth Sense spoiler at the end, hasn't it, Mrs Tiggy-Winkle, where she finds out she's a hedgehog? Yeah.
And you don't know? I mean, phew, that took me, I mean That is a twist! Yeah.
Don't you think? I did not see it coming, I'm going to be honest with you.
Thank you very much, Richard.
Charlie.
Mmm.
I'll go for Star Wars .
.
and I'll go for Boba Fett.
Boba Fett.
Yeah.
Boba Fett, says Charlie.
Let's see many of our 100 people said Boba Fett.
It's right.
Go on! 18 is our highest score, 15 is our low for now Charlie Higson! APPLAUSE Just gets better and better! That is a pointless answer, it adds ã250 to the day's jackpot, taking the total up to ã2,750.
It scores you absolutely nothing, gives you a score of 0.
Very well done indeed.
He's an unstoppable force.
Now, that is why he's a legend, isn't it? Yeah.
That is very Even I was kind of going, "Are you sure? "Oh, yes, he's there, that's good.
" I would replace the Queen on regular stamps with Boba Fett, if I had anything to do with it.
Well, there we are, thank you very much indeed.
We are halfway through the round.
Let's take a look at those scores.
The best score of the pass was yours, Charlie, very well done, a score of 0.
Then we travel up to 15, where we find Grace and Hanif, and then up to 18, where we find Jilly and Fern.
You're not way ahead, Fern, but we need a kind of Boba Fett-type answer from you, that's what we're looking for in this next pass.
Yeah, thanks! Good luck with that! We're going to come back down the line now.
Can the second players please step up to the podium? OK, so, Sally, remember, we are looking for these fictional characters that featured on Royal Mail stamps.
And if you can score 17 or less, you're definitely in the next round.
Jemima Puddle-Duck? Jemima Puddle-Duck, says Sally.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jemima Puddle-Duck.
Here comes your red line - get below that, you're into the head-to-head.
Ooh, yes.
It's right.
Look at that! You needed 17, you got 17! APPLAUSE That gives you a score of 17, a total of 17! Someone should do a book with Jemima Puddle-Duck and Boba Fett together.
That, I would read! Yeah.
Something to think about, isn't it? It's certainly something to think about.
Fern.
Yeah.
Fern, you're the high-scorers at the moment, so all I can say is, yes, you just need a really low score at this point.
Yes, thank you! Ideally a minus one! I'm going to go for Beatrix Potter, Tom Kitten.
Tom Kitten, says Fern.
Tom Kitten.
No red line for you as you're the high-scorers.
Only just! Let's see how many of our 100 people said Tom Kitten.
Is it right? It IS right! I thought that was going to be another cross there.
That's a good answer.
Down it goes.
There you go! Very well done indeed! 1! APPLAUSE Taking your total up to 19! This is very exciting! Very exciting! I'll tell you what, we didn't cover ourselves in glory in the German/Spanish round, but this has been amazing! Terrific stuff! That's incredible.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Hanif.
By the way, you're on 15.
The high score at the moment is 19, so you have a target of 3.
3 or less.
I've never seen Star Wars, but I'm going to go for Star Wars.
He's good, he's good.
This could go one of two ways, this, couldn't it? Yeah! And I'm going to go for Han Solo.
Han Solo.
OK, Han Solo.
Here is your red line.
It's a low one.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Han Solo.
19 people said Han Solo, taking your total up to 34! APPLAUSE Unlucky, Hanif.
But rather neatly, Han Solo is German for "one glove," so thank you for that.
Now, lots and lots of answers - very, very few pointless answers.
Boba Fett was one, the Emperor was also one for Star Wars, and Toby for Thomas The Tank Engine.
They're the only pointless answers across the whole load of stamps, so terrific stuff.
Low scorers - 1 point for Bertie and Daisy on Thomas The Tank Engine, 1 point for Kylo Ren, Rey and Finn on Star Wars.
Yoda would have scored you 2 points.
1 point on Mr Men and Little Miss for Little Miss Christmas and Little Miss Princess.
Two points for Mr Messy and Little Miss Naughty.
And Tom Kitten is far and away the best answer for Beatrix Potter.
Well done if you got any of those low answers.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
So at the end of our second round, we have to say goodbye to another pair.
I can't bear it! Wonderful low scores across that round! 34 is really not a high score at all.
But this is where we say goodbye to Grace Dent and Hanif Kureishi.
Thank you so much for coming to play with us.
It's been wonderful having you here! APPLAUSE Thank you! But for Sally and Charlie, Jilly and Fern, it is now time for our head-to-head! Well, congratulations, Jilly and Fern, Sally and Charlie! You are now one step closer to the final, and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at ã2,750.
And this is where we decide who goes through to the final to play for that jackpot, and we do it by making you go head-to-head.
The difference is, you're now allowed to confer before you give your answers.
The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.
Let's play the head-to-head! Here is your first question, and it concerns Richard.
We're going to show you five pictures now of politicians, but in negative.
Can you work out who they are? Wow.
It's going to be great! Thanks.
Let's reveal our five negative politicians, and here they are.
There we are.
Five politicians in negative.
Now, Jilly and Fern, you've been our low scorers so far, so you will go first.
Should we go B? B.
OK.
B it is, and we think Angela Merkel.
Angela Merkel, B, say Jilly and Fern.
Sally and Charlie, do you fancy having a go at the rest of them? I don't know A.
Looks vaguely like David Cameron, but I wouldn't put any money on it.
I think D's Trump, obviously.
C, is that Juncker? I think Should we go for E? We're going for E.
We'll go for E, which we think is Macron.
E, Macron.
So we have Angela Merkel and Emmanuel Macron.
Jilly and Fern have gone for Angela Merkel for B.
Let's see if that's right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Angela Merkel.
Sally and Charlie have gone for E, Macron.
Emmanuel Macron.
Let's see if that's right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.
It is right.
And it wins you the point! Oh! Look at that! Oh, and how! Down it goes to 8! Very well done indeed! Macron, down to 8.
Sally and Charlie, that means after one question, you are up 1-0.
A.
Do you know A? It's Justin Trudeau.
Justin Trudeau.
Canada.
He would have scored you 5 points.
Well done if you said that.
C is a pointless answer.
It's Michael D Higgins.
The ninth president of Ireland.
Very well done if you said that.
And D, this is the only photograph that isn't actually a negative, that's actually a genuine photograph.
And that is Trump.
He would've scored you 85 points.
Thank you very much indeed.
OK, here comes your second question.
Jilly and Fern, Sally and Charlie get to answer this one first, but you have to win it to stay in the game, so good luck.
Our second question concerns Richard.
We're about to play you clips of five hymns now.
It's going to be upbeat stuff, isn't it? Isn't it! We just need you to tell us the title of the hymn, please, or the title by which they're most commonly known.
OK, let's reveal our five hymns, and here they come.
# And I came down from heaven and I danced on the earth # At Bethlehem I had my birth Dance, then, wherever you may be Here's B.
# .
.
Point me to the skies # Heaven's morning breaks, And earth's vain shadows Here is C.
# I once was lost # But now I'm found Was blind Here's D.
# In Him no sin is found We stand on holy ground And here is E.
# He made their glowing colours, He made their tiny wings Now, Sally and Charlie, you go first this time.
Are you sure that's what it is? Well I don't really know Yeah, we're going to go for E.
E.
And we're going to say All Things Bright And Beautiful.
All Things Bright And Beautiful.
OK, All Things Bright And Beautiful.
Now, Jilly and Fern.
Can I be brave and go for D? Yep.
D, Breathe On Me Breath Of God? D, Breathe On Me Breath Of God.
OK, so we have All Things Bright And Beautiful and Breathe On Me Breath Of God.
Sally and Charlie have gone for All Things Bright And Beautiful for E.
Let's see if that's right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.
56.
All Things Bright And Beautiful.
Jilly and Fern have gone for Breathe On Me Breath Of God for D.
Let's see if that's right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Breathe On Me Breath Of God.
No! Bad luck! I'm afraid it's not Breathe On Me Breath Of God! And that means, very well done indeed, Sally and Charlie.
After only two questions, you're straight through to the final 2-0.
Yes, worth a punt, though.
It's actually a pointless answer, D.
It was only written in 1986.
And it is Be Still, For The Presence Of The Lord.
Of course! Very well done if you said that.
Now let's take a listen to the others.
So A was Lord Of The Dance.
The Lord Of The Dance.
Absolutely.
The coolest-named hymn there is.
That would've scored you 19 points.
B Abide With Me.
That would have scored you 35.
All of these would have won the point.
And C .
.
is Amazing Grace.
And that would have scored you 65.
Well done, well done.
Thank you very much indeed! So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round is Jilly Cooper and Fern Britton.
I'm so sorry! We've had fun, though.
Lovely time! Come back and play again with us, please.
It's been such a pleasure.
Thank you so much.
Jilly and Fern.
Wonderful! Thank you so much.
APPLAUSE But for Sally and Charlie, it's now time for our Pointless final! Congratulations, Sally and Charlie, you've seen off all the competition, and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.
You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities, and at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at ã2,750.
Oh, it was touch and go.
It could've been you in the first round.
It could've been.
I let the whole ship down.
No, you didn't.
It's actually entirely fitting you are here, because you won the pointless answer, so you have contributed to that jackpot.
But, no, fabulous to have you here.
Now, as always, you get to choose your category for the last round.
We'll put four up on the board, you've just have to hope there's something up there that you like the look of.
Shall we have a look at today's selection and see what we have for you? I don't know enough about Queen, personally.
No, I And nuns really fail me.
Films? None of this and none of that.
Apart from a few obvious nun films.
What are the obvious nun films? Nuns On The Run.
And Whoopi Goldberg's Sister Act.
Personally, I think I'd do better in the films area than the musicals.
OK, no, no, no, let's go for the films! We'll do it together! We'll find a nun! We'll go for nun films.
OK, very good.
Very best of luck.
Nun films it is, Richard.
OK, three questions for you here.
Let's see if any of the films you just mentioned are there.
We are looking for the cast of any of the following three films, please.
From 1990, Nuns On The Run.
We're looking for anyone from the 1959 film The Nun's Story.
Or we're looking for any of the cast of The Sound Of Music from 1965.
So, according to IMDb, anyone who had a credited performance in any of those three films.
Very best of luck.
Thank you very much indeed.
Now, as always, you've got one minute to come up with three answers, and all you need to win that jackpot for your charities is for just one of those answers to be pointless.
Are you ready? Yes, yes.
All right, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.
There they are.
Your time starts now.
Is it Audrey Hepburn who was in The Nun's Story? That very beautiful It could well have been, yeah.
You know, she was in the Tiffany.
The one that, you know Breakfast At Tiffany.
Yeah, yeah.
That was her.
I'm pretty sure it was her.
How are you on The Sound Of Music? Well, I know there is a very famous nun in it, and it was the mother nun.
But it doesn't have to be a nun.
It can be anybody in the film.
Oh, it can be anyone? Oh, well, hold on.
There's Any of the children would give us a good answer.
Yeah.
Von Trapp would give us quite a good answer as well.
Christopher Plummer No, he was Oh, God, I can't remember any of those.
Are we allowed to do the live TV version? Oh, that! If there was any justice, yes! Who was the old guy? The guy that comes along and he's all keen on Ten seconds left.
That's a rare That's a rare one.
All right, we're running out of time.
And we haven't got any.
No, we haven't got any.
This is not going to be pointless, is it? Who was in Nuns On The Run? OK.
That, I'm afraid, is your time up.
You're going to have to make up your three answers as we go along.
Do you want to go for Audrey Hepburn? Yes.
We'll go for Audrey Hepburn.
Audrey Hepburn for Yeah.
Nun's Story.
For Nun's Story.
It's a bit obvious - we'll go for Robbie Coltrane.
Robbie Coltrane for Nuns On The Run.
It's not going to be pointless.
Christopher Plummer.
And Christopher Plummer.
OK, there we are, three answers.
Now, of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer? To Become A Nun.
Of getting below 50? We'll go with Audrey Hepburn.
OK, Audrey Hepburn we'll put last.
Least likely to be pointless? Christopher Plummer.
OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then, and here they are.
We have got Well, very good luck.
Quite a tough category, that, as it turns out.
Now, if you were to win that jackpot for your charities, which charities would they be? Sally? Well, it's going to be MY charity, which I've started this year.
And I'm really proud of it - it's called New Word.
And it's for having a different look at dyslexia with a very positive eye, and it's wanting to associate it with creativity instead of a negative or disability.
Charlie, what about you? I've gone for the Reading Agency, as this is Literary Pointless.
They do Well, they do a lot of work with literacy, particularly through the libraries.
Fabulous.
New Word and Reading Agency.
Very good indeed.
OK, well, best of luck, let's hope one of these answers Wouldn't it be lovely if one of these answers It would be amazing.
.
.
turned out to be pointless and won that jackpot for your charities? OK, your first answer is Christopher Plummer.
In this case, were looking for any cast member of The Sound Of Music.
If this is pointless, it will win you ã2,750 for your charities.
Let's see how many of our 100 people named Christopher Plummer.
It's right.
It just has to go all the way down to 0, and that money will be going off to your charities.
Down we go.
Christopher Plummer takes us into the 20s.
26! Not a bad score in the general run of things, but sadly in this round, I'm afraid, not a pointless answer.
No.
Only two more shots at today's jackpot.
Your next answer was Robbie Coltrane.
In this case, we were looking for cast members of Nuns On The Run.
If this is pointless, it will win ã2,750 for your charities.
Let's see how many people said Robbie Coltrane.
Well, it's right.
Well, it's right, again.
Another correct answer.
Your first answer, Christopher Plummer, took us all the way down to 26.
Robbie Coltrane takes us to 31.
I'm afraid, yes, again, not a pointless answer.
Which means we only have one more shot at today's jackpot.
Everything is now riding on your third and final answer, which is Audrey Hepburn.
And in this case, we were looking for cast members of The Nun's Story.
If this is right, and it is pointless, it will win you ã2,750 for your charities.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Audrey Hepburn.
Is it pointless? It's right! We've had three correct answers! 26 was what Christopher Plummer scored you.
31 is what Robbie Coltrane scored you.
Audrey Hepburn now takes us down to Not quite into single digits.
10! That's a great score! Three good low scores there, but, unfortunately, we didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer, so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of ã2,750.
However, as it's a celebrity special, we are going to donate ã500 to each celebrity pair for their respective charities, so there you go.
Sally and Charlie, as ever, great pleasure to have you with us.
Thank you so much for coming to join us on the show.
It's been a fabulous, fabulous show.
Thank you, and a great performance across the whole show, so very well done indeed.
You get to take a Pointless trophy home in recognition of that.
APPLAUSE Yeah, a really tough final category, I have to say.
We'll go to the three boards, we'll start with the Nuns On The Run.
Camille Coduri, played Rose Tyler's mum in Doctor Who.
Tom Hickey, Oliver Parker, who is now a director.
Julie Graham, who's better known these days for William And Mary with Martin Clunes.
In fact, everyone apart from Robbie Coltrane, Eric Idle, and Janet Suzman - every other cast member was a pointless answer.
The Nun's Story.
Many famous names here.
Colleen Dewhurst, Lionel Jeffries a pointless answer, Peggy Ashcroft, Rosalie Crutchley.
Again, everyone there apart from Audrey Hepburn, Peter Finch, Edith Evans and Dean Jagger was a pointless answer.
And The Sound Of Music.
Julie Andrews, Christopher Plummer, Nicholas Hammond, and Kym Karath, the only ones that scored points there.
Who was your character in your TV Sound Of Music? Uncle Max.
He was a pointless answer, as well.
Richard Haydn played Uncle Max.
How about that? How about that? Perhaps in 40 years' time, you will be a pointless answer.
Yeah! In fact, I would put money on it.
Thank you very much for playing, Charlie and Sally, it's been lovely having you here.
Charlie and Sally, everyone! Join us next time, when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless! Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.
Goodbye.
And it's goodbye from me.
Goodbye.
Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to this special writers' edition of Pointless Celebrities, the quiz where the aim of the game is to score as few points as you can, and you do that by coming up with the answers no-one else could think of.
Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.
And couple number one.
Hi, I'm Martina Cole.
I'm a crime author.
I'm Peter James.
I write crime thrillers.
Couple number two.
I'm Grace Dent.
I'm an author and a broadcaster and a restaurant critic.
I'm Hanif Kureishi, and I'm a novelist, screenwriter, short story writer and, er, essay writer.
Couple number three.
Hello, I'm Fern Britton, and I'm a presenter and author.
Hello, I'm Jilly Cooper, and I'm a journalist and author.
Hurray! And finally, couple number four.
Hi, I'm Charlie Higson, and I am an actor and a writer.
And I'm Sally Gardner, and I'm a children's writer, and I've branched into being an adult writer.
Thanks very much, all of you.
A very warm welcome to Pointless, it's lovely to have you all here.
We'll get to chat to you each, of course, throughout the show as it goes along.
So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.
He's available in all good book shops.
It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.
Hiya.
Hey, everybody.
Good evening.
Good evening to YOU.
Good evening.
What a classy line-up for once! Huh?! I know! This is nice, isn't it? This would be a good dinner party.
Podium four there, we have Pointless royalty.
We've got Charlie Higson there - not only has he got a pointless answer in the past, he's won a Pointless trophy I think it's two.
He's also won the jackpot! Get out of here! How about that?! Can you imagine such a thing? No, no.
And podium three, talking of royalty, Jilly Cooper and Fern Britton, how about that?! I know, I know! If I was on any of the other podiums, I would let them win.
That's what I would do.
I just think it would be a classy thing to do.
And talking of classy, very classy on podium two.
Yes.
Grace Dent and Hanif Kureishi.
It's not your normal Saturday night BBC line-up, I'm going to say that.
It's a treat, isn't it? And podium one, two of my absolute favourite crime writers as well.
We're brilliant at crime writing in this country, we've got some of the best crime writers in the world, and we've got two of the very best here as well, Peter and Martina.
It's going to be a cracker, isn't it? Round One, the good news is - perfect for a wordsmith.
Wow! What a trail! Also a lovely round if you're a fan of hearing Xander using foreign accents, which I am! Wow.
Round One - coming soon! Yeah.
Wow! That's not bad, is it? You're reading on, aren't you? Yeah, I'm reading on.
Turning that page, in fact, right now! As usual, all of today's questions have been put to 100 people before the show.
Our contestants here are looking for those all-important pointless answers.
If you find one of those answers that none of our 100 people gave, then we'll add ã250 to the jackpot.
Now, as today's show is a celebrity special, and each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity, we're going to start off with a jackpot of ã2,500.
There it is.
Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless! The only thing you have to remember is this - the pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be eliminated, so keep your scores as low as you possibly can, and there'll be no conferring till we get to our head-to-head round.
OK, our first category this evening is There we are.
Languages.
Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second? And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.
And the question concerns Richard.
Yeah.
If I know this lot, if there's one thing they revised, it was German and Spanish clothing! On each board, we're going to show you the German and Spanish terms for a series of bits of clothing or accessories.
You just need to give us the English term, please.
There's going to be seven on the first board, seven on the second, 14 in all to have a go at at home.
Good luck.
And we get the German AND the Spanish? German and Spanish, so you get to do your German accent, which is justly lauded the world over Wow! Yeah! And also your Spanish accent, which is also coming on.
It's coming on, yeah! OK.
So, we are looking for the English terms, the English equivalents of these German and Spanish Clothes.
And accessories.
And accessories! That's nice.
Yeah.
OK, here they come.
Thank you.
It's a hard transition you're having to make there, isn't it? It IS, yeah.
I'll read those all again.
There we are.
Peter, welcome to Pointless! Great to have you with us this evening.
Thank you, Alexander.
Now, tell me about Absolute Proof.
Absolute Proof is a departure from my regular crime novels.
Mmm.
It's a story about what would happen if somebody claimed to have conclusive proof that God existed.
So it's a thriller set around that whole theme.
I had a phone call out of the blue in 2003 from an elderly guy, who said, "Is that Peter James, the author?" And I go, "Yes.
" He said, "I'm not a nutcase, I was a retired professor of mathematics, "I've been given absolute proof of God's existence, and I've been told "you're the author who will help me get taken seriously.
" Oh, wow! He says, "I need to come and see you, I'm going to need "four days of your time.
" Wow! I said, "Look, I can give you a cup of tea and half an hour," because I was intrigued.
Yeah.
And that was the starting point.
Did he sort of bring an overhead projector with him and some pens? He brought a 1,250-page manuscript that God's representative had channelled to him.
And an old guy with a beard.
And an old guy with a beard.
And three pieces of information nobody on this planet knows - he had the compass coordinates for the location of the Holy Grail, and the Ark of the Covenant.
Yeah, it's interesting that it should be a mathematician and not a theologian or Of all the things.
Yeah.
To come to you.
Anyway, that's fascinating.
I can't wait for that to come out.
Thank you.
Now, Peter, we have to turn our minds to this - the Spanish and German clothing and accessories issue.
I'm kind of looking at Handtasche, Bolso De Mano, because my family are glove makers.
So I'm going to go for glove.
For Die Handtasche, El Bolso De Mano.
Glove, says Peter.
Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said glove.
Oh! Oh! I'm sorry.
Oh, that may not be the last incorrect answer, so don't worry, but I'm afraid that WAS an incorrect answer and it scores you 100 points, I'm sorry about that.
Well, absolutely right.
A good punt, though, but, yeah, it may not be the only wrong answer.
I'll give all the correct answers at the end of the pass.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Thank you.
Grace, welcome to Pointless.
Hello.
Wonderful to have you.
Now, you actually read English literature? Yes, I did.
When you read English literature, which I also did, people always say, "So you're going to be a writer or a teacher?" But you actually You're living the dream? I am doing exactly the thing that I always wanted to do.
I don't mean being here.
I wasn't so specific in my dream, but, yeah.
Ouch! But it is lovely to be here.
Until I saw these! I was hoping for some A gentle literary round, maybe, to begin with.
This is So if I'm standing like a rabbit in the headlights, it's because I did German at GCSE, and have realised I know not a single word any more, and was actually just a truant.
Talk to me about your restaurant reviewing.
Oh, yeah.
How long have you been doing that? You're on the Evening Standard.
Yes, I've been doing that for five or six years.
Do you find? Because obviously, inevitably you become part of the food scene, if you're a regular reviewer Yes.
.
.
it's hard to be completely objective, presumably, or do you? You can still be objective.
It does get more difficult.
And also you can't be in disguise, because No.
You know, if I went in disguise, people would just say, "Why has Grace Dent got a blonde wig on? Is she OK?" And also you'd have to eat the same rubbish food that the rest of us get served! You wouldn't get the I know, that would be hideous! I know! I think that you learn to know when you're being buttered up and you learn to try to avoid people at parties.
Very good, very sensible.
Grace, what would you like to go for on our board here? Erm, I'm finding this hard because I'm not 100% sure on any of them.
However, Der Pulli and El Sueter sounds to me like a jumper.
El Sueter.
Der Pulli.
El Sue A A jumper.
A jumper.
Let's see if that is a jumper.
It is! 49! APPLAUSE Wayhey! 49 for jumper! That's the greatest feeling in the world! Very well done indeed! Well done.
I love the fact that Pulli and sueter is essentially just what my nan would call them, and they've just I know! The Germans and Spanish have stolen them.
You know, if you don't get new clothes for Christmas in Iceland, the tradition is, the giant Christmas cat will eat you.
Yeah, giant Christmas cat.
That's nice, isn't it? Giant Christmas cat! Thank you, Richard.
Fern, welcome back to Pointless.
Hi.
Now then, you're busy writing your seventh novel.
Yep.
I mean, you've had huge success as a writer.
Astonishing, I know, but You were in television presenting before that.
Did this come out of the fact that, as we all know, television presenting involves an awful lot of sitting around? Honestly, I wasn't doing any work at all, and someone rang me up and said, "Do you want to write a book?" And I thought, "I don't know that I can.
" And she said, "Oh, that's fine, we'll look after you!" And so that was seven books ago, yes.
And do you always write in the same place? Do you have a particular room? Yes, I do.
I just look at a wall, no music, nothing, just do it.
Yeah.
She's very, very good.
She IS very, very good! I love Jilly! Aw! Now, Fern, how good is your Spanish and German? Erm, OK, so there are a couple of obvious, and there's a dangerous one.
Erm We're going to go for the bottom one, and hope that that is a handkerchief.
A handkerchief.
I'll tell you what it's NOT.
It's not a glove.
Anyway, OK, let's have a look! Handkerchief, let's see if that is right - maybe it is.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.
Oh, no, it's not looking good.
No! No! Sorry.
No, don't worry.
Don't worry.
The curse of the Handtasche! That would be a good book, The Curse Of The Handtasche! The Curse Of The Handtasche! Oh, I'm having that! Yeah, it's not a glove, it's not a handkerchief.
There's almost nothing left! What can it be? What could it possibly be?! Er, there we go.
Charlie, welcome back, lovely to have you with us.
It's lovely to be back.
Your books have been translated into 24 languages.
I think so, yes.
Not by me.
I'm not sure I even know 24 languages.
Can you tell me which languages they are? Erm No.
I've been told that statistic, I've never actually checked it out.
24, I mean, how many languages are there? Obviously there's lots of dialects What, in the WORLD? There's thousands.
Well, I know, I know.
But sort of main There is absolutely no way you couldn't name 24 languages.
Oh, I suppose so.
English Yeah, come on.
French, German, Spanish, Italian French, German, Spanish.
Italian, yes.
Basque.
Erm, Portuguese Yeah.
Erm Oh, yeah, it's really hard! Yeah! Yeah! I've run out! OK, now, Charlie Yes.
This board is all yours - please will you fill in all these unanswered questions for us? Well, the top one looks to me like it could be sunglasses.
The second one is a shoe of some sort.
A Bustenhalter - that's got to be a bra, hasn't it? The Hut and the Sombrero has got to be a hat.
I mean, that, I think, is one that people have been avoiding.
And I think the last one is probably a handbag, but A handbag! Yes, erm So, I'm going to go for the Bustenhalter, because it's the most fun one.
The Bustenhalter.
Let's hope it's not wrong, eh? A bra.
Let's see if that's right - is it a bra? How many people said it? Oh, well done! Yes Oh! Well! Brilliant! APPLAUSE The Bustenhalter is a bra! 29 people said it, but they were all thinking it! Yeah, it literally means "the bust holder".
They don't muck about, the Germans, do they? No, they don't.
They really don't.
Shall we fill these in? You did rather well, actually, Charlie.
The top one IS sunglasses, well done.
Would have scored you 32.
The next one down, it IS a type of shoe, it's a training shoe, trainer.
So it would have scored nine points.
Well done if you said that at home.
Yeah, Der Hut and El Sombrero, it's a hat.
Only 75.
Mmm.
Der Schal, La Bufanda.
Shawl? The Schal is kind of a clue, it's a scarf.
A scarf.
Not a million miles off.
18 points.
And I wonder what this bottom one is.
Yeah, mmm.
It is Handbag.
A handbag.
Well done, Charlie.
Would have scored you 14 points.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Well, we're halfway through the round, let's take a quick look at those scores.
29, Charlie, very well done, best score of the pass, so Charlie and Sally looking very safe at this stage.
49 is where we find Grace and Hanif.
100 is where we have Fern, Jilly, Peter and Martina all tied.
So, Jilly and Martina, it's going to be between you to see who stays and who leaves at the end of this round.
Best of luck with that.
We're going to come back down the line now.
Can the second players please step up to the podium? OK, let's put seven more German and Spanish terms on the board, and here they are.
We have got Sorry, I'll do that again a little bit quicker! Here we go.
Phew, there we are, we've made it! Sally, welcome to Pointless.
Now, Sally, you only learned to read at the age of 14? That's correct.
This is true.
Yes.
You suffer from exquisite dyslexia.
Absolutely.
And then you were an illustrator.
Yes.
And then were encouraged by your publisher To be a writer.
To be a writer.
Yes.
That's incredible! Tell me about that.
Well, I was an illustrator, and I sort of did all right, and then I had a wonderful editor who I worked with, and she said, "I think you really are a writer, so just could you get on with it?" And the first book I ever did I was so worried about it that I wrote it in sort of children's exercise books and I put in a bag on the bus with a hole in it, and I thought, "If it all fell out before it got to the publishing house, "then I was obviously not meant to be a writer".
And fortunately, it sort of stuck in the bag till I got there, and that book was published without one thing being altered.
Never happened again.
What about that? Amazing.
Amazing story.
APPLAUSE So the question is, do you conceive stories verbally, or are they sort of pictures in? No, they're pictures.
I get them in pictures.
And then I sort of get them so I can walk around them and Yeah.
Like a film set, I can alter the scenery, like I wish I could alter myself from now, like, whisk off! Now, listen, you're the low-scorers.
Yes.
Yes.
You're in a very luxurious position thanks to Charlie's hard work.
Yes.
What would you like to go for on this board, Sally? Well, I think I'm going to go for the top, Der Gurtel, and I think it's a skirt, but I'm not sure.
A skirt, says Sally.
A skirt.
Let's see if that's right.
Here is your red line.
If you can get below this red line, Sally, with skirt, then you are through to the next round.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said it, let's see if it's right.
Oh! Oh! Bad luck, unfortunately not.
It sounded very, very likely.
I thought that was a very good answer, but I'm afraid a wrong answer, as it turns out.
Scores you 100 points, 129 is your total.
Yeah, sorry, Sally, we did say at the start that we might see more than one 100 answer.
I think this board is even harder if anything, isn't it? I think it is, yeah.
Erm, Jilly, welcome to Pointless, lovely to have you here.
Now, talking of losing things on a bus, your first novel, you lost a whole draft.
Mmm.
Was it on the Underground or something like that? No, it was on a bus.
It WAS on a bus as well! The awful shaming thing was, I took it out because I was quite near the end and I wanted to correct it, and I took it out to lunch, and Freudian thing, I can't remember who I had lunch with, and then I got on the 22 bus, and I got back to Putney and it had gone.
FERN GASPS My book had gone.
Which book was it? It's called Riders.
Riders! It was! So it was But it was how long before you rewrote it? 15 years.
Oh, no! Imagine finding that - could have made a fortune! Whoever found it would have They could have become you.
The bus conductor's novel! Yeah! Yeah! Jilly, there you are on 100.
The high score is now 129, so if you can score 28 or less, then you step through to Round Two.
I think I'll go back to number one, and I think that might be a belt or a girdle or something.
A belt! A belt! Let's see if that's right.
Here is your red line.
Not as low as I thought it was going to be.
There we are.
If you can get below that with belt, you are through to the next round.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said belt.
It's right! Jilly! Jilly! And you're through! Very good! 15, and 115 is your total.
APPLAUSE Yeah, very well played.
That was well done, wasn't it? That was very well done.
Yeah.
Thank you very much indeed.
Now, then, Hanif, welcome.
Thank you.
Good to have you here.
When you introduced yourself, you have been a great many things, but is there one of those that you think is the .
.
is the thing that encompasses all the rest, if you could only do one? Well, I think all the writers here would probably be equally aware that we all have to make a living, so Yeah.
I look out the window and see if my children have enough clothes on, and whether I need to If I write a movie, you get more money, if you write a novel, similarly, and so on, so it depends on the school year, really.
Have you ever gone back to the stage? Because you Obviously you were an acclaimed playwright before you found success as a screenwriter.
Have you? I was thinking about this last night because I was watching TV last night and I was thinking, "Thank God I'm not at the theatre," because when you're watching the telly, you can turn over, and of course in the theatre, obviously you can't do that.
So I'm writing for TV now, and I love the TV, and of course, you never forget that the viewer can turn over.
Although Although, don't.
Don't, would be my Always best not to remind them, I think, in the! Hanif, what would you like to go for? You're on 49.
The high-scorers are on 129 over there on the far podium, so 79 or less keeps you in the game.
Erm, I would say that the third one down is probably a blouse.
OK, a blouse for Die Bluse.
Let's see if that's right.
Here is your red line.
If you're below that red line, you're through to Round Two.
How many of our 100 people said blouse? It's right.
And it's good enough! Look at that, 66! APPLAUSE Takes your total up to 115, where you join Jilly and Fern, in fact! Very well played.
You worry slightly for the 34.
A little bit.
"Bluse, Bluse Oh, this is" Thank you, Richard.
Martina, welcome to Pointless.
Great to have you.
Thank you.
Now, I have read a lovely fact, which is, apparently your novels are the most often stolen from shops Yes.
.
.
and the most often requested in prisons.
Yes, in prisons! I'm very proud of that, it's a lovely fact.
It should be a pointless fact, really.
It should be! I'm going to store that away.
But that's wonderful, and actually, that reflects very, very well on your writing.
Well, I think I'm very lucky.
I write from the point of view of the criminal a lot of the time, so I think it is quite a compliment that criminals It's an endorsement! .
.
think my books are so good, they want to steal them! Yeah! OK, now, there you are on 100! The high-scorers still on that far podium, 129.
You have to score 28 or less to stay in.
I got that.
I was going to go for belt, actually, and then I was going to go for blouse.
But I'm going to go for, I think, Die Jacke or La Chaqueta, I think it's a jacket.
Die Jacke.
La Chaqueta.
I Well, let's see, here is your red line.
If you get below that with jacket, you are into the next round.
Let's see how many of our 100 people went for jacket.
It's right.
Oh! 57! Bad luck.
APPLAUSE 57! That takes your total up to 157.
Charlie's next Pointless trophy has come back into sharp focus.
Richard.
Shall we go through the rest of the answers? I'm going to give one of these questions to Peter as well, as we go through them.
Der Rock, La Falda - now, funnily enough, THAT'S a skirt.
Rock and a Falda.
That would have scored you 11 points.
Der Badeanzug and El Traje de Bano is swimming costume.
Yes.
9 points for that.
Now, Peter, we've already seen that the Germans call a bra a bust holder - what do you think a Handschuh is? A Handschuh is a glove! It is a glove, yeah, you're absolutely right, and that would have scored 32.
And Der Stiefel and La Bota would have seen you through to the next round A boot.
Shoe.
It is a boot, yeah.
It's a boot.
And that would have scored 13 points.
So swimming costume the best answer on that board.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
So, at the end of our first round, the pair we have to send home with their high score of 157, I'm so sorry, Martina and Peter, it's you.
As Richard said, ideally we'd just keep you all here for the whole show, which would be lovely.
But, sadly, we can't.
A great pleasure to have you on the show, thank you so much.
Martina and Peter, fabulous! Thank you.
Thank you.
APPLAUSE But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.
And so, three pairs remain.
Very well done, all of you, for making it through.
Sally and Charlie, phew, that was close! But anyway, very, very best of luck to all three pairs.
Our category for Round Two this evening is Appropriately enough, fictional characters.
Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second? And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.
OK, and the question concerns Richard.
Yeah, every now and again, the Royal Mail bring out special collections of stamps.
We're going to show you the names of four of those collections, and we need you to name any character who appeared on one of these stamps, please.
So, any character who appeared in any of the following collections of Royal Mail stamps.
OK, so as Richard has said, we're going to put a list up on the board.
That list will remain for the whole round, we won't be changing it halfway through the round, just so you know.
Let us see what is on that list.
Here it comes.
We want any fictional character from those lists.
Grace.
Oh, OK.
Erm I'm going to go with my very favourite Mr Man, and just hope, because it's quite obscure, it will be down the list.
Does that make sense? Yeah.
Yes, it does.
Mr Tickle.
Mr Tickle.
OK, let's see if Mr Tickle is in that selection of Mr Men and Little Miss characters.
If he is, how many of our 100 people said Mr Tickle? Oh! He's there! Good answer, 15, very well done.
I knew he wouldn't let me down! APPLAUSE Very well done indeed, Grace! I love him! 15 for Mr Tickle.
That was a gutsy answer, wasn't it, Mr Tickle? Wasn't it? That was scary! Yeah, his arms are 20 bananas long, according to the official Mr Men website.
That's why I chose him.
Because his arms are 20 bananas long? I love him, he's my favourite one because he can put his arm right down and make toast and tea in the morning and come back up.
Without getting out of bed.
Yeah, exactly.
Listen, you and me both - it's exactly the same.
I love the guy.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Jilly.
Erm, I'd like to do Beatrix Potter.
And which character are you going to go for? Mrs Tiggy-Winkle.
Mrs Tiggy-Winkle, says Jilly.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Mrs Tiggy-Winkle.
It's right.
15 is the only score posted so far Mrs Tiggy-Winkle is 18! Yes! Very well done indeed! APPLAUSE It's got such a great kind of Sixth Sense spoiler at the end, hasn't it, Mrs Tiggy-Winkle, where she finds out she's a hedgehog? Yeah.
And you don't know? I mean, phew, that took me, I mean That is a twist! Yeah.
Don't you think? I did not see it coming, I'm going to be honest with you.
Thank you very much, Richard.
Charlie.
Mmm.
I'll go for Star Wars .
.
and I'll go for Boba Fett.
Boba Fett.
Yeah.
Boba Fett, says Charlie.
Let's see many of our 100 people said Boba Fett.
It's right.
Go on! 18 is our highest score, 15 is our low for now Charlie Higson! APPLAUSE Just gets better and better! That is a pointless answer, it adds ã250 to the day's jackpot, taking the total up to ã2,750.
It scores you absolutely nothing, gives you a score of 0.
Very well done indeed.
He's an unstoppable force.
Now, that is why he's a legend, isn't it? Yeah.
That is very Even I was kind of going, "Are you sure? "Oh, yes, he's there, that's good.
" I would replace the Queen on regular stamps with Boba Fett, if I had anything to do with it.
Well, there we are, thank you very much indeed.
We are halfway through the round.
Let's take a look at those scores.
The best score of the pass was yours, Charlie, very well done, a score of 0.
Then we travel up to 15, where we find Grace and Hanif, and then up to 18, where we find Jilly and Fern.
You're not way ahead, Fern, but we need a kind of Boba Fett-type answer from you, that's what we're looking for in this next pass.
Yeah, thanks! Good luck with that! We're going to come back down the line now.
Can the second players please step up to the podium? OK, so, Sally, remember, we are looking for these fictional characters that featured on Royal Mail stamps.
And if you can score 17 or less, you're definitely in the next round.
Jemima Puddle-Duck? Jemima Puddle-Duck, says Sally.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jemima Puddle-Duck.
Here comes your red line - get below that, you're into the head-to-head.
Ooh, yes.
It's right.
Look at that! You needed 17, you got 17! APPLAUSE That gives you a score of 17, a total of 17! Someone should do a book with Jemima Puddle-Duck and Boba Fett together.
That, I would read! Yeah.
Something to think about, isn't it? It's certainly something to think about.
Fern.
Yeah.
Fern, you're the high-scorers at the moment, so all I can say is, yes, you just need a really low score at this point.
Yes, thank you! Ideally a minus one! I'm going to go for Beatrix Potter, Tom Kitten.
Tom Kitten, says Fern.
Tom Kitten.
No red line for you as you're the high-scorers.
Only just! Let's see how many of our 100 people said Tom Kitten.
Is it right? It IS right! I thought that was going to be another cross there.
That's a good answer.
Down it goes.
There you go! Very well done indeed! 1! APPLAUSE Taking your total up to 19! This is very exciting! Very exciting! I'll tell you what, we didn't cover ourselves in glory in the German/Spanish round, but this has been amazing! Terrific stuff! That's incredible.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Hanif.
By the way, you're on 15.
The high score at the moment is 19, so you have a target of 3.
3 or less.
I've never seen Star Wars, but I'm going to go for Star Wars.
He's good, he's good.
This could go one of two ways, this, couldn't it? Yeah! And I'm going to go for Han Solo.
Han Solo.
OK, Han Solo.
Here is your red line.
It's a low one.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Han Solo.
19 people said Han Solo, taking your total up to 34! APPLAUSE Unlucky, Hanif.
But rather neatly, Han Solo is German for "one glove," so thank you for that.
Now, lots and lots of answers - very, very few pointless answers.
Boba Fett was one, the Emperor was also one for Star Wars, and Toby for Thomas The Tank Engine.
They're the only pointless answers across the whole load of stamps, so terrific stuff.
Low scorers - 1 point for Bertie and Daisy on Thomas The Tank Engine, 1 point for Kylo Ren, Rey and Finn on Star Wars.
Yoda would have scored you 2 points.
1 point on Mr Men and Little Miss for Little Miss Christmas and Little Miss Princess.
Two points for Mr Messy and Little Miss Naughty.
And Tom Kitten is far and away the best answer for Beatrix Potter.
Well done if you got any of those low answers.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
So at the end of our second round, we have to say goodbye to another pair.
I can't bear it! Wonderful low scores across that round! 34 is really not a high score at all.
But this is where we say goodbye to Grace Dent and Hanif Kureishi.
Thank you so much for coming to play with us.
It's been wonderful having you here! APPLAUSE Thank you! But for Sally and Charlie, Jilly and Fern, it is now time for our head-to-head! Well, congratulations, Jilly and Fern, Sally and Charlie! You are now one step closer to the final, and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at ã2,750.
And this is where we decide who goes through to the final to play for that jackpot, and we do it by making you go head-to-head.
The difference is, you're now allowed to confer before you give your answers.
The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.
Let's play the head-to-head! Here is your first question, and it concerns Richard.
We're going to show you five pictures now of politicians, but in negative.
Can you work out who they are? Wow.
It's going to be great! Thanks.
Let's reveal our five negative politicians, and here they are.
There we are.
Five politicians in negative.
Now, Jilly and Fern, you've been our low scorers so far, so you will go first.
Should we go B? B.
OK.
B it is, and we think Angela Merkel.
Angela Merkel, B, say Jilly and Fern.
Sally and Charlie, do you fancy having a go at the rest of them? I don't know A.
Looks vaguely like David Cameron, but I wouldn't put any money on it.
I think D's Trump, obviously.
C, is that Juncker? I think Should we go for E? We're going for E.
We'll go for E, which we think is Macron.
E, Macron.
So we have Angela Merkel and Emmanuel Macron.
Jilly and Fern have gone for Angela Merkel for B.
Let's see if that's right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Angela Merkel.
Sally and Charlie have gone for E, Macron.
Emmanuel Macron.
Let's see if that's right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.
It is right.
And it wins you the point! Oh! Look at that! Oh, and how! Down it goes to 8! Very well done indeed! Macron, down to 8.
Sally and Charlie, that means after one question, you are up 1-0.
A.
Do you know A? It's Justin Trudeau.
Justin Trudeau.
Canada.
He would have scored you 5 points.
Well done if you said that.
C is a pointless answer.
It's Michael D Higgins.
The ninth president of Ireland.
Very well done if you said that.
And D, this is the only photograph that isn't actually a negative, that's actually a genuine photograph.
And that is Trump.
He would've scored you 85 points.
Thank you very much indeed.
OK, here comes your second question.
Jilly and Fern, Sally and Charlie get to answer this one first, but you have to win it to stay in the game, so good luck.
Our second question concerns Richard.
We're about to play you clips of five hymns now.
It's going to be upbeat stuff, isn't it? Isn't it! We just need you to tell us the title of the hymn, please, or the title by which they're most commonly known.
OK, let's reveal our five hymns, and here they come.
# And I came down from heaven and I danced on the earth # At Bethlehem I had my birth Dance, then, wherever you may be Here's B.
# .
.
Point me to the skies # Heaven's morning breaks, And earth's vain shadows Here is C.
# I once was lost # But now I'm found Was blind Here's D.
# In Him no sin is found We stand on holy ground And here is E.
# He made their glowing colours, He made their tiny wings Now, Sally and Charlie, you go first this time.
Are you sure that's what it is? Well I don't really know Yeah, we're going to go for E.
E.
And we're going to say All Things Bright And Beautiful.
All Things Bright And Beautiful.
OK, All Things Bright And Beautiful.
Now, Jilly and Fern.
Can I be brave and go for D? Yep.
D, Breathe On Me Breath Of God? D, Breathe On Me Breath Of God.
OK, so we have All Things Bright And Beautiful and Breathe On Me Breath Of God.
Sally and Charlie have gone for All Things Bright And Beautiful for E.
Let's see if that's right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.
56.
All Things Bright And Beautiful.
Jilly and Fern have gone for Breathe On Me Breath Of God for D.
Let's see if that's right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Breathe On Me Breath Of God.
No! Bad luck! I'm afraid it's not Breathe On Me Breath Of God! And that means, very well done indeed, Sally and Charlie.
After only two questions, you're straight through to the final 2-0.
Yes, worth a punt, though.
It's actually a pointless answer, D.
It was only written in 1986.
And it is Be Still, For The Presence Of The Lord.
Of course! Very well done if you said that.
Now let's take a listen to the others.
So A was Lord Of The Dance.
The Lord Of The Dance.
Absolutely.
The coolest-named hymn there is.
That would've scored you 19 points.
B Abide With Me.
That would have scored you 35.
All of these would have won the point.
And C .
.
is Amazing Grace.
And that would have scored you 65.
Well done, well done.
Thank you very much indeed! So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round is Jilly Cooper and Fern Britton.
I'm so sorry! We've had fun, though.
Lovely time! Come back and play again with us, please.
It's been such a pleasure.
Thank you so much.
Jilly and Fern.
Wonderful! Thank you so much.
APPLAUSE But for Sally and Charlie, it's now time for our Pointless final! Congratulations, Sally and Charlie, you've seen off all the competition, and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.
You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities, and at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at ã2,750.
Oh, it was touch and go.
It could've been you in the first round.
It could've been.
I let the whole ship down.
No, you didn't.
It's actually entirely fitting you are here, because you won the pointless answer, so you have contributed to that jackpot.
But, no, fabulous to have you here.
Now, as always, you get to choose your category for the last round.
We'll put four up on the board, you've just have to hope there's something up there that you like the look of.
Shall we have a look at today's selection and see what we have for you? I don't know enough about Queen, personally.
No, I And nuns really fail me.
Films? None of this and none of that.
Apart from a few obvious nun films.
What are the obvious nun films? Nuns On The Run.
And Whoopi Goldberg's Sister Act.
Personally, I think I'd do better in the films area than the musicals.
OK, no, no, no, let's go for the films! We'll do it together! We'll find a nun! We'll go for nun films.
OK, very good.
Very best of luck.
Nun films it is, Richard.
OK, three questions for you here.
Let's see if any of the films you just mentioned are there.
We are looking for the cast of any of the following three films, please.
From 1990, Nuns On The Run.
We're looking for anyone from the 1959 film The Nun's Story.
Or we're looking for any of the cast of The Sound Of Music from 1965.
So, according to IMDb, anyone who had a credited performance in any of those three films.
Very best of luck.
Thank you very much indeed.
Now, as always, you've got one minute to come up with three answers, and all you need to win that jackpot for your charities is for just one of those answers to be pointless.
Are you ready? Yes, yes.
All right, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.
There they are.
Your time starts now.
Is it Audrey Hepburn who was in The Nun's Story? That very beautiful It could well have been, yeah.
You know, she was in the Tiffany.
The one that, you know Breakfast At Tiffany.
Yeah, yeah.
That was her.
I'm pretty sure it was her.
How are you on The Sound Of Music? Well, I know there is a very famous nun in it, and it was the mother nun.
But it doesn't have to be a nun.
It can be anybody in the film.
Oh, it can be anyone? Oh, well, hold on.
There's Any of the children would give us a good answer.
Yeah.
Von Trapp would give us quite a good answer as well.
Christopher Plummer No, he was Oh, God, I can't remember any of those.
Are we allowed to do the live TV version? Oh, that! If there was any justice, yes! Who was the old guy? The guy that comes along and he's all keen on Ten seconds left.
That's a rare That's a rare one.
All right, we're running out of time.
And we haven't got any.
No, we haven't got any.
This is not going to be pointless, is it? Who was in Nuns On The Run? OK.
That, I'm afraid, is your time up.
You're going to have to make up your three answers as we go along.
Do you want to go for Audrey Hepburn? Yes.
We'll go for Audrey Hepburn.
Audrey Hepburn for Yeah.
Nun's Story.
For Nun's Story.
It's a bit obvious - we'll go for Robbie Coltrane.
Robbie Coltrane for Nuns On The Run.
It's not going to be pointless.
Christopher Plummer.
And Christopher Plummer.
OK, there we are, three answers.
Now, of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer? To Become A Nun.
Of getting below 50? We'll go with Audrey Hepburn.
OK, Audrey Hepburn we'll put last.
Least likely to be pointless? Christopher Plummer.
OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then, and here they are.
We have got Well, very good luck.
Quite a tough category, that, as it turns out.
Now, if you were to win that jackpot for your charities, which charities would they be? Sally? Well, it's going to be MY charity, which I've started this year.
And I'm really proud of it - it's called New Word.
And it's for having a different look at dyslexia with a very positive eye, and it's wanting to associate it with creativity instead of a negative or disability.
Charlie, what about you? I've gone for the Reading Agency, as this is Literary Pointless.
They do Well, they do a lot of work with literacy, particularly through the libraries.
Fabulous.
New Word and Reading Agency.
Very good indeed.
OK, well, best of luck, let's hope one of these answers Wouldn't it be lovely if one of these answers It would be amazing.
.
.
turned out to be pointless and won that jackpot for your charities? OK, your first answer is Christopher Plummer.
In this case, were looking for any cast member of The Sound Of Music.
If this is pointless, it will win you ã2,750 for your charities.
Let's see how many of our 100 people named Christopher Plummer.
It's right.
It just has to go all the way down to 0, and that money will be going off to your charities.
Down we go.
Christopher Plummer takes us into the 20s.
26! Not a bad score in the general run of things, but sadly in this round, I'm afraid, not a pointless answer.
No.
Only two more shots at today's jackpot.
Your next answer was Robbie Coltrane.
In this case, we were looking for cast members of Nuns On The Run.
If this is pointless, it will win ã2,750 for your charities.
Let's see how many people said Robbie Coltrane.
Well, it's right.
Well, it's right, again.
Another correct answer.
Your first answer, Christopher Plummer, took us all the way down to 26.
Robbie Coltrane takes us to 31.
I'm afraid, yes, again, not a pointless answer.
Which means we only have one more shot at today's jackpot.
Everything is now riding on your third and final answer, which is Audrey Hepburn.
And in this case, we were looking for cast members of The Nun's Story.
If this is right, and it is pointless, it will win you ã2,750 for your charities.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Audrey Hepburn.
Is it pointless? It's right! We've had three correct answers! 26 was what Christopher Plummer scored you.
31 is what Robbie Coltrane scored you.
Audrey Hepburn now takes us down to Not quite into single digits.
10! That's a great score! Three good low scores there, but, unfortunately, we didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer, so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of ã2,750.
However, as it's a celebrity special, we are going to donate ã500 to each celebrity pair for their respective charities, so there you go.
Sally and Charlie, as ever, great pleasure to have you with us.
Thank you so much for coming to join us on the show.
It's been a fabulous, fabulous show.
Thank you, and a great performance across the whole show, so very well done indeed.
You get to take a Pointless trophy home in recognition of that.
APPLAUSE Yeah, a really tough final category, I have to say.
We'll go to the three boards, we'll start with the Nuns On The Run.
Camille Coduri, played Rose Tyler's mum in Doctor Who.
Tom Hickey, Oliver Parker, who is now a director.
Julie Graham, who's better known these days for William And Mary with Martin Clunes.
In fact, everyone apart from Robbie Coltrane, Eric Idle, and Janet Suzman - every other cast member was a pointless answer.
The Nun's Story.
Many famous names here.
Colleen Dewhurst, Lionel Jeffries a pointless answer, Peggy Ashcroft, Rosalie Crutchley.
Again, everyone there apart from Audrey Hepburn, Peter Finch, Edith Evans and Dean Jagger was a pointless answer.
And The Sound Of Music.
Julie Andrews, Christopher Plummer, Nicholas Hammond, and Kym Karath, the only ones that scored points there.
Who was your character in your TV Sound Of Music? Uncle Max.
He was a pointless answer, as well.
Richard Haydn played Uncle Max.
How about that? How about that? Perhaps in 40 years' time, you will be a pointless answer.
Yeah! In fact, I would put money on it.
Thank you very much for playing, Charlie and Sally, it's been lovely having you here.
Charlie and Sally, everyone! Join us next time, when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless! Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.
Goodbye.
And it's goodbye from me.
Goodbye.