Preacher (2016) s03e04 Episode Script

The Tombs

1 It's time.
Yeah, he's walking in now.
That's right.
No loose ends.
I would expect the same thing on your side.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Thrice blessed, Allfather.
Ah.
Okay.
Talk soon.
Bye-bye.
Well, I'll be double-dipped in dog shit.
If it's not the biggest, baddest son of a bitch in all of Hell here in my office.
Sit down, Sidney.
You're the Angel of Death.
Relax.
Have a sandwich.
Drink a glass of milk.
Is from? Midnight Runs.
Run.
It's Midnight R Forget about it.
The moment has passed.
Take the gentleman's duster and let the grownups talk.
Crazy, huh? I want to see you.
You want to see me.
Kismet, I think they call that.
Is that right? Sounds right.
Anyway, what matters is, we're here, two men, speaking our minds.
There is one item, though small.
No big deal, really, uh, but needs tending to.
Do ya mind? Good.
It's about your little trip upstairs.
"The breakout.
" And, look, I get it.
If I'm doing my time and a couple of angels walk in and tell me I can take a walk, I am gone-zilla, baby.
No doubt about it.
Breathe some air? Eat a Slim Jim? That's a good deal! But what's a good deal for you is not always a good deal for me.
And souls escaping my realm, that's actually bad for me.
And what's bad for me is just bad.
Did you know God is gone? And, as you can imagine, I've got plans, big plans.
But without my reputation, those plans go the way of Gary, Indiana.
So, short story long, I'm gonna need you to make amends.
Now, look.
Obviously, I'm a fan.
I don't like this any more than you do, and if it were up to me Well, actually, it is up to me.
Just know this is not my favorite part.
Oh, who am I kidding? It totally is.
How do I break the spell? Tell me.
I ain't helpin' you.
And you ain't gettin' out of here.
Open the door! Open the goddamn door! You're a dead woman! We're coming in! Shit! Watch your toes.
Jesus Christ! Get back! get back! You crazy bitch! Ain't I, though? Welcome you motherless goat-humpers! Are you not entertained? And welcome to The Tombs, my brothers.
Tonight, for your pleasure, two merciless monsters will fight as if their very souls were on the line.
And if they advance to the Redemption Round to take on Jody perhaps they are! Wager your hard-stolen money wisely.
- Yeah! - May the best man win, and may God take mercy on our souls.
Let's fight! What are you doing back here? I'm not bettin' this time.
I swear.
I-I just came by to, you know, soak up the ambience.
You better soak up some smarts, too, or you're gonna have a date with Madame L'Angelle.
You hear me? You don't pay your debts? Yeah.
Yeah.
What? How much more you want me to squeeze out of 'em? Every last drop.
Hey, go easy this time, Jody.
It's easy every time.
Jody! Jody! Jody! Jody! Jody! Jody! Jody! Jody! Jody's up, so we're gonna need two more.
- Already? - Mm-hmm.
Darn busy season.
All right, let's see what we've got.
Okay, boys.
Who wants a chance to get their soul back? I do.
Choose me.
Please.
I'm ready.
Sorry, Hal, but you just got here.
So, uh you got anything fun planned for the weekend? Uh Uh, maybe go see Gladiator again.
Gladiator.
Careful Miss Marie don't find out who you're really going to see.
Pretty girl like that won't do so good down here.
You hear what I'm sayin'? You hear me, boy? Jody! Jody! Jody! Jody! Jody! Jody! All righty, fellas.
No business like show business.
Jody! Jody! Jody! Not again! God dang it, Jody.
I can't patch up the dead ones.
I got to go where the spirit leads me.
Besides, we got the kid here ropin' in all the pigeons with that fancy face and voice of his.
Right, kid? Don't you think there's lots more where he come from? - Yeah.
Yeah, lots.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Christ.
Are you all right? Are y Are ya all right? Gentlemen, your new champion! Next show's in one hour.
Tell your friends.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
Yes, we will.
Whoo! I think your friend here gonna be real good for us.
He's not my friend.
You want to keep him fighting, you're gonna need to give him some blood.
What kind of blood? I got I got gator blood, pig blood, squirrel I don't give a shit.
He's a vampire.
Just feed him.
We need beer for the huffers.
We get 'em drunk, we get their cash.
Sooner they need to see Miss Marie.
I told you you were gonna hate me.
You were right.
Like your nails.
The less you talk, the better.
If you're taking me to Angelville, you probably want to go the other way.
Don't remember asking you.
I'm just sayin'.
You can't get there on this road.
I meant what I said.
Even if I could, I'm never helping Jesse out that spell.
Pretty sure when we get there, you'll do what I tell you to.
What do you got against Jesse anyway, huh? Why you hate him so much? Jesse L'Angelle is the worst person I have ever loved.
I can't let no Mardi Gras pirate call my sister a thief, so I'm ready to pounce when he unscrews his gosh-dang leg! I figure it was just part of the costume, but dude had a real stump.
Please don't tell me you beat his ass with it.
Hell no.
I waited until he turned his back, and I snatched it.
Dude hopped after me all the way to Canal Street.
Okay.
We're gonna fool around.
So why don't you do something useful for once and get me some customers? Good luck.
Hey, you! You want your palm read? Get out of my face.
What? You're not still mooning over that what's-her-name girl back in Texas, are you? Tulip? No.
No.
Better not be.
Get undressed.
What if Kenny gets a customer? There are no customers.
And Gran'ma took them all.
Be right back.
I know business ain't much to look at now.
But someday Careful Miss Marie don't find out who you're really going to see.
I'm gonna beat that old witch at her own game.
Pretty girl like that won't do so good down here.
- I do.
- Choose me.
Anyway What? Changed my mind.
What? Look, you're pretty, Sabina.
It's been fun making out with you.
But I'm a L'Angelle heir to Angelville.
In the end, you're just a Boyd.
And I'm not gonna screw that up over a few sloppy kisses from a piece of trash like you.
Get it? Got it? Good.
That's the worst person you ever loved? Please.
You haven't heard the rest of my story.
Yeah, well, I got a story for you.
I drive, you shut your mouth.
The end.
What do you think? Mine's better.
I tell you, kid, I'm gonna destroy your friend tonight.
You keep calling him my friend.
If he's not your friend, what is he? Cheatin', drug-addicted, piece of shit Irish vampire whose only good quality is that he hurts.
You can chop him up into little pieces, feed him a few drops of blood You can do it all over again the next night and the next and the next.
The money just keeps on rollin' in.
Huh.
Just like old times, right, kid? Sure they sell kegs? Funny.
Want a frozen yogurt? Swirl.
I'll take these.
And I want to ship something.
No weapons, guns, drugs hazardous liquids? No guns.
Stuff's over there.
Don't overfill the peanuts.
Ring the bell when you're ready.
I'm not sure if your limbs grow new or connect back together or what, but I figured better to be safe than sorry.
You forgot my hand.
Sorry.
I needed that.
So this is how you finally get rid of me, is it? Huh? By bloody mail? I'm not getting rid of you, Cass.
I'm saving your ass.
It was the only way to get you out of there.
The only way? I could think of 20 different ways that wouldn't involve choppin' off a bloody limb! Like like a diversion or something like that, or or or Or Cape Fear.
You could've strapped me under a truck, or, obviously, there's the skin-suit way.
Skin-suit way? You remove somebody else's skin, you wrap me in it, disguising me as that person.
Do you know what I mean? That is the stupidest, that would never work.
- Of course it would.
- Not in a million years.
Well, you go and tell that to Luke Skywalker.
He slit that tauntaun creature open, and it snuck him off without a bloody scratch! He didn't sneak him off anywhere.
The tauntaun kept him from freezing! "Saving me.
" Give me a bloody break, will you? If it wasn't for me, Jody and T.
C.
would've strung you up to burn.
Oh, that's right.
Jesse Custer, everybody, a bloody hero struttin' through the Tombs like a demented circus worker of some kind! I haven't got time for this shit.
You're an evil bastard is what you are.
And I see it now.
I see it clear as day.
And Tulip will see it, too.
She'll open up her eyes Shut up about her! You're nothing but an evil bastard! I hate your face.
Ow! Right in the dick.
You're welcome, asshole.
You're so lost.
So, a little boy was mean to you, huh? Broke your little girl heart? Tsk.
Twenty years later, and you still want him dead.
Yeah.
I'm lost.
You didn't let me finish.
Jesse didn't just break my heart.
He broke it twice.
The Mad Butcher of Angelville! Who dares to face him next? Huh? Is it you? Or you or you? I'll fight.
I'll fight you, L'Angelle.
You think you're better than us? You think you can call my sister trash? Ooh No, you're right.
I shouldn't have said that.
Comparing a Boyd to trash is an insult to trash! Why don't you just run along Couple of rights, hit him.
Please, please.
Jesse, stop.
Stop, Jesse.
Stop, Jesse.
Jesse.
Please.
Are you not entertained! That is a goddamn lie.
No, it's true.
This place brings out the worst in him.
Get out.
Right, dribbling up to the side corner Oh, pass the rock, yo! What the? down the lane.
Beautiful pass to the big man.
I said no liquids.
He's gone! He's gone! The vampire, he's gone.
He chewed hisself free.
Find him! Where are you going? Welcome you motherless goat-humpers.
I have three announcements.
First, to the owner of a blue Toyota Corolla, I don't know why you have an alarm, but it is going off.
The second is God has left Heaven.
I don't know where He's gone Not yet, anyway But I heard from a friend of mine a theory on the why.
He is testing us.
I have no idea what this test might be, but if the subject is "Can Human Beings Be Anything Other Than a Bunch of Greedy, Violent Assholes?" then we're in big trouble.
But if I find out that God just took off threw up His hands in disgust and called it a day then I'm gonna be real pissed off.
Then I look around at all you hootin' and hollerin' and getting high from all the suffering, the suffering to come, suffering which you have paid for, and it is no wonder God has quit on us! What was the third thing? Third thing? Third thing is you better find another way to gamble with your souls.
There is no fight.
The Tombs are closed! Get out! - Why? - No! - That's bullshit! - Boo! Oh, Danny boy The pipes The pipes are callin' It's the vampire! From glen to glen And down the mountainside I'll take first crack at him.
Stay down.
Stay down, Cass.
I mean it.
Huh? I said, stay down! Who needs God? The Tombs are back in business! Now you've seen it.
That's gonna happen here night after night.
I'm a L'Angelle.
And if you don't like it you can go, both of you! Get it? Got it? Good.
What took you so long? Couldn't see.
Forehead kept slippin'.
Ah! Skin suit.
Still the best way to break a mate free.
It's not all his fault, you know.
He's just a product of his environment.
Guess we all are in a way.
Mm-hmm.
So, New York, bloody Idaho.
That's That's the bright side of this.
We can go wherever we want.
You know, we've got some freedom now.
We could just drive and drive and never stop if that's what we wanted.
Or we could just stop here.
Why? You can't stay here, Cass.
It's not safe.
And you can? You can stay here in this place with him after everything he's done? I'm not leaving without you, Tulip.
- You have to.
- I won't do it.
I love you.
But I don't love you.
Yeah.
Can I just say one last thing? We should've gone to Bimini.
Next stop, New Orleans.
The hell are you doing? I told you to get out of here! You're a mean son of a bitch, Jesse Custer.
But you ain't that mean.
- What are you talking about? - Don't lie to me! What you did down there to Cassidy that was pretend mean? Like fake mean? You don't know what you're saying.
To protect him from this shithole.
Like you were protecting Madame Boyd when you dumped her sorry ass.
How do you know about Sabina? It doesn't matter.
What matters is I don't need protectin'.
What I need is a goddamn boyfriend who levels with me.
I'm tired of doubting you, Jesse.
And I'm really tired of you not trusting me with shit.
Now, do you want us to be good again? Hmm? Is that what you want? Well, is it? What happened to Kenny? I'll fight.
I'll fight you, L'Angelle.
Kenny Kenny, please stop! Kenny! Kenny, please stop! Kenny.
Kenny, please stop.
Stop! Kenny? Kenny? Are you not entertained? Man, this place sucks.
You just wait.
Oh, I will.
Damn right.
So we're good again? Only one way to find out.
Shit! Your ex-girlfriend.
Huh? Nothin'.
Go back to sleep.
Sorry about that.
Got busy.
Where are they? Who? Your boys know I took you, and they can damn sure guess where.
So why ain't they shootin' this place up, huh? I called them.
I told them not to come.
So you can break it.
No.
But you can.
Oh, right, my wand from graduating Hogwarts.
Mm-hmm.
Totally forgot I had that.
You want to get rid of a spell like this, all you got to do is get rid of the person who cast it.
Yeah? And then what? That's it.
The spell's broken.
Uh-uh.
No, then there's some boomerangy, "gotcha sucker" twist happens, and Jesse's head falls off or something.
Nothing will happen to Jesse.
I promise.
You've been burnin' my ears off all night with how much you hate him.
Why should I trust you? Because as much as I hate Jesse there's one person in this world I hate even more.
It's simple.
You want Jesse out of here? Kill his grandma.
That'll do.
As advertised.
What a son of a bitch! He didn't scream once, did he? Well, now that we got the formalities out of the way, let's talk.
You first.
A preacher.
This guy! Such a self-starter.
You could learn something, Sidney.
Preacher.
That is normally kind of a no-fly zone with me.
But these are not normal times.
I need you to go back up and bring someone back on down to me.
Actually, two someones.
These two someones, for, uh, nuanced reasons I'm not going into right now, are threatening my big, beautiful expansion plans.
So I thought of you.
My weapons.
No, no, no.
I can't have you shootin' up cops and hotels on this one.
I need them back alive.
And if you can do that, you can have your guns back and then you can kill all the preachers you want.