Reginald the Vampire (2022) s02e06 Episode Script

1
Previously on "Reginald the Vampire"
Angel's Blood!
- It was never the slushies.
- Got it bad, huh?
I have found many
treasures in this world,
but none as precious as you.
Sarah, if there's anyone
that can help us,
- it's Abraham.
- Whoo!
I'm what you call a Nephilim,
half vampire, half archangel.
[LAUGHS]
With me casting the spells
and you swinging the sword,
- we got this.
- [CHUCKLES AND SIGHS]
Sarah's not coming. She chose Reginald.
How did this happen?
I've lost everything.
- Wow.
- [CROW CAWING]
It's got ghosts and asbestos
written all over it.
Is this really the right place?
Well, believe it or not,
this American horror story
is home sweet home
to the ancient, the powerful,
the one, the only, Abraham!
Oh, damn, I really thought he
couldn't resist that entrance.
- It was some good hype though.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Nah. That old vamp is staying in his lair.
I feel really good about this plan B.
We know Abraham. He's a solid dude,
supernatural powerhouse.
If anyone can tip the
scales against Balestro,
it's our guy.
[CROW CAWING]
[DEEP METALLIC CLANKING]
Okay, now about the "we go in" part
- [ETHEREAL THRUMMING]
- I can happily assist you.
So.
Anyone who wishes to enter
must answer four riddles.
It is customary.
- Just go with it.
- What?
Riddle number one:
I will always run but never walk,
often murmur but never talk.
I have a bed but never sleep,
and I have a mouth but never eat.
Oh! Oh!
A river. [LAUGHS]
- Nice.
- I have fingers
and a pair of thumbs, however no flesh,
feather, or scales.
It's a glove.
- Very good.
- Oh!
Nice.
Three: I am too much for
one, enough for two,
but nothing for three.
- Too much for one?
- Enough for two?
[GASPS] It's a secret.
- Oh!
- Ooh.
Last one.
[CLEARS THROAT]
H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.
Okay, how is that a riddle?
That's just a bunch of letters.
Okay.
A bunch of letters from
the English alphabet,
H to O.
- [GASPS]
- Oh.
Wait, you solved it?
I have no idea how that happened.
You have everything you need
to access the penthouse.
Enjoy your stay.
Oh.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
You'll get used to that.
Okay.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC FADES]
[PANTING]
- I almost had you.
- Not bad.
Just say it. Not bad
- for a human.
- I was not thinking that.
Why don't we, uh,
even the playing field,
see who beats who?
Pump the brakes, Chariots of Fire.
This is not the time for anyone
to become a vampire.
Right, because vampires
are an endangered species.
Ooh, here comes the big,
bad angel. [SCOFFS]
What are you so worried about?
We both know Reginald's
gonna bring home the W.
There's that blind optimism
I know and love.
I have an endless supply.
Eternal, some might say.
[LAUGHS] Come on, Mike.
Imagine how amazing it would be.
You and me, vampires?
Together?
I like spending time with you, Todd.
I really do.
Just say it.
I don't do boyfriends.
I wasn't even thinking b
Yes, you were.
Yeah, I was.
Back in the day, I was
in this punk band.
We weren't wildly
successful or anything.
Whoa.
Just trying to picture it.
No, I can't. All right, continue.
Anyway, that didn't matter.
We were a tight-knit group,
especially me and the drummer.
I played the bass, so we were kind
of like the heartbeat of the band.
And I thought maybe we
were something more.
But eventually I realized
that I was confusing
this amazing shared
experience with love.
We had love, just not
the kind I thought.
Not the kind I wanted.
[BITTERSWEET MUSIC]
So if being with me is your only
reason for becoming a vampire,
I suggest you redo your vision board.
[SCOFFS] I don't have a vision board.
Yeah, you do.
- Yeah, no, I do.
- [CHUCKLES]
I actually have two.
Yeah, a little heavy on
the sparkles though.
♪
- [SLOW UPBEAT MUSIC]
- [GROANS SOFTLY]
No blood.
"Saving the day in Spokane.
Don't wait up."
♪
What are you?
Oh, shit.
[SNIFFS] Oh, God, it stinks.
♪
[MYSTERIOUS SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
What are you?
♪
- [GASPS]
- [BOOK THUMPS]
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Oh, hell no, Bellinor.
♪
- [DISEMBODIED WHISPERING]
- [GASPS]
What?
♪
No. Stay out!
♪
[DISEMBODIED WHISPERING]
♪
No.
♪
Broil.
Survive that.
- [DISEMBODIED WHISPERING]
- [SIGHS]
♪
[DISEMBODIED WHISPERING]
Nope. You're trouble, Bellinor.
That's what you are.
Trouble, trouble, trouble.
[TENSE MUSIC FADES]
[DISEMBODIED WHISPERING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
What happened to this place?
Last time, it was a ballroom
packed with people.
I mean, granted, it was
just an illusion, but
Well, maybe Abraham put
all his magic in storage.
[SOFT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
You said Abraham was in
the penthouse, right?
Mm-hmm.
Like, maybe there's an elevator?
Last time the elevator appeared
out of nowhere, so
There's gotta be a call button
around here somewhere.
Maybe it's hidden, like a
panic button or something.
The door person said, "You
have everything you need."
Maybe the riddles are still in play.
Oh! Maybe the elevator's the
last riddle we need to solve.
Three riddles,
- three solutions.
- Yeah.
River, glove, secret
that last riddle, what did I say?
You said, "Those are
the letters, H to O."
BOTH: H2O!
River, glove, secret, water!
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- BOTH: Oh!
I told you.
He actually did.
- Dude.
- [LAUGHS]
♪
I want what is mine,
and I want it now.
And what I want is my mansion back.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
All right. [EXHALES DEEPLY]
Let's see how rusty my Latin is.
♪
Quod perivit, inventus erit.
Inventus erit.
Domus. Oboedi mihi.
Minor. Minor.
Si revenias.
♪
Wait. Wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no!
[GROANS]
It's "miror," not "minor."
No wonder this language is dead.
[LOUD KNOCK ON DOOR]
Go away!
[KNOCKING CONTINUES]
Ugh.
What?
♪
What?
What?
Who the hell are you?
- I am Isis.
- Second thought, don't care.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Where is Reginald Andres?
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING]
That is one bummed-out angel.
Well, this is his first heartbreak.
Poor guy.
One day you're sitting on a cloud,
strumming your harp.
Next thing you know,
you're bleeding out dreams.
That's dramatic.
Sorry.
I feel like every day,
I'm discovering a new emotion
I didn't know I had before.
How's that going for you?
Uh, sometimes I think I was happier
just sitting on my own little cloud.
♪
So you needed my help?
Yes. Yes. Uh, as you know,
the local vamps love the
new blood-infused Blushy.
- Still catchy.
- Thank you.
And if I've learned anything
from "How To Be An Entrepreneur
in 90 Days or Less,"
it's that I need to innovate
in order to expand and
retain my customer base.
♪
I present new Blushy product line.
- Whoa.
- We've got the vanilla Blushy,
the lime, the guava, and
my personal favorite
[WHISPERS] the strawberry kumquat.
Those are ambitious flavors.
And yet, I have no idea how they taste.
I-I'd test them myself,
but as I'm not a vampire
- yet
- Todd.
It's the elephant in the room
besides the depressed angel!
♪
Look, I thought about what you said.
And you were right. I had
certain preconceived notions
about life as a vampire.
But I'm not attached to them.
I don't need to be your boyfriend.
I just need to be me.
These past few weeks
have been life-changing.
And I thought that that was all you.
But you're just the
handsome bass player.
- No offense.
- None taken.
I am the lead singer on my own journey.
And I know that it's not meant
to end as Todd the Human.
I think you know that too.
Becoming a vampire,
it's a transformation
an impossible one.
But listening to you,
everything you've discovered,
maybe sometimes one
change is the best way
to prepare yourself for
another, Todd the Human.
Wait.
Does this mean
a-are you saying what
I think you're saying?
I mean, it sounds like
you've changed your mind,
but i-if I'm out of line here,
just just please tell me,
and I will totally back off
Tonight, after sundown,
meet me at the bench.
Yes. Yes.
Yes!
[LAUGHS]
Oh, uh, you forgot to sample.
No, I didn't.
Okay. Totally cool with that.
Yeah, we will beta test the
new Blushy another time.
- [SOFT UPBEAT MUSIC]
- [EXHALES DEEPLY]
Deep breath.
♪
Oh-hoh-hoh, who am I kidding?
Yes! Yes!
[LAUGHS]
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
Okay, look at us, moving on up.
Penthouse, here we come.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- [OMINOUS MUSIC]
♪
Okay.
Follow me.
♪
Uh, okay.
Oh.
- Follow me.
- All right.
♪
Huh.
Okay, it seems that we're
BOTH: Stuck in a loop.
- Yeah, kind of put two and two together.
- Yeah.
I mean, Abraham is big on home security.
And there's only one way up.
So
Chances are, this is a closed loop.
If we go back in, it'll just
spit us out right back here.
Unless
Maximum capacity: one.
This isn't my first rodeo.
I mean, I had already gone through
all of the crazy obstacles,
the weird of this place.
But not you two.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
We have to separate and
take our own paths forward.
- It's the only way.
- What?
♪
[SIGHS]
Catch you at the top.
♪
Whatever it is, no matter how weird,
you'll get through it.
I know you will.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- Okay.
[SOFT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
When you say weird, like, what
kind of weird do you m-mean?
♪
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
♪
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
♪
[LAUGHTER]
♪
I like the way that
you drive your car ♪
♪
All around town like the cat you are ♪
♪
I like the way that
you move your feet ♪
♪
Reginald.
- Hello?
- Look at that beautiful face.
Do we know each other?
Come here, best friend in the world.
Pretty sure we've never met
- Oh.
- Oh!
- Oh.
- Is Abraham here?
Yeah.
[SIGHS] Abraham's told
me so much about you.
That makes us best friends forever.
Pretty sure that's not how that works.
But he didn't tell me how cute you are.
Also not surprised by the omission.
Cute, smart, brave, obviously
an awesome sense of humor.
Okay, thanks for that, but
and I don't mean to be rude
who are you?
There I go again. Where are my manners?
I have no manners!
[LAUGHS] Name's Santos.
I'm Abraham's cohost.
I'm partly responsible
for this carnal paradise
you see before you.
Okay, and like I said,
I'm looking for Abraham.
Ah, look no farther.
You're right where you need to be.
I'm gonna show you a world of pleasure
beyond your wildest dreams.
- Do you trust me?
- I literally just met you.
[LAUGHS]
Reginald's here, everyone!
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
- Hello?
- Oh, well, howdy, stranger.
About time you showed up.
You're me.
Not yet, but I could be
if you gave yourself a chance.
I don't follow.
You gave your notice, remember?
Two weeks.
A big part of you is ready
to leave Akron behind.
But you're stalling.
- I'm not stalling.
- Sure you are.
Okay, but that was before
I knew a killer angel
was trying to wipe out
all my vampire friends.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you hearing yourself right now?
Vampires, angels.
You ran away from crazy.
Why are you surrounding
yourself with that again?
And you're better off?
[SCOFFS]
I put Akron in my rearview,
and I never looked back.
Now it's just me, the ocean,
and the occasional tourist, no strings.
And no regrets?
[LAUGHS] Are you kidding?
Perfect sunsets, endless waves.
This is the life we deserve.
All of this?
This is a future you can count on.
Choice is yours.
Get in that elevator,
press that up button,
and fight that fight.
Or press the down button
and live the life that
you were meant to live.
Also [CHUCKLES]
- Margaritas.
- Ooh.
So what's it gonna be, me?
♪
Hmm?
♪
- [UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
- Hmm.
Reggie, you're holding back, I can tell.
Come on, man. Those hips don't lie.
Yeah, well, these hips aren't
exactly in the mood.
[LAUGHS] I got two words for you,
carpe noctem.
The clock's ticking. Ticktock, ticktock.
Are you saying this is a doomsday party?
What? No. [LAUGHING] God, no.
What in the world are you talking
about, you foolish man?
No, no, no.
Unofficially, yes,
it's a doomsday party.
But keep that to yourself, okay?
Mass hysteria is a major buzzkill.
You're telling me.
The decision to keep everyone
in the dark was Abe's call.
That way they can party
like there's no tomorrow
without knowing there's no tomorrow.
There is no tomorrow.
Reginald!
- Hey.
- Sarah!
[LAUGHING] Oh, my God, you made it.
Wh-what about Maurice?
I haven't seen him.
Um, but I ran into myself,
which was weirdly affirming,
and then I pushed the up button, and
[BREATHES DEEPLY] Okay.
I'm just so glad to be here.
Why don't we turn this
twosome into a threesome?
Take us to Abraham.
[MOANING]
[CLEARS THROAT] Truth is,
and I'm truly sorry about this,
I haven't seen Abraham in ages.
But this is his party.
Doesn't mean he has to stick around.
The world's a big place.
He could be anywhere.
[MOANING]
Pfft.
[MOANING] Hey.
I wasn't expecting visitors.
I wasn't expecting you.
Our deacon summoned me here
to fight the angel Balestro,
- but I can't find him.
- It's too late.
Already lost that fight.
And our our deacon is in the wind.
And Reginald Andres, Hand to the Throne,
maybe he can tell me where to find him.
He's in the wind too with Maurice.
On their way to Spokane.
Sorry. Looks like you made
the trip for nothing.
Are you a caretaker of some kind?
- Oh, please.
- Roommate?
Ugh. Even worse.
Thanks for stopping by.
See you never.
[DISEMBODIED WHISPERING]
What's that sound?
What kind of book is this?
That is Bellinor.
It's a useless spell book.
I asked for my mansion back,
and look what I got.
It's very small.
You noticed.
Now hand me that book.
It's got a date with a wood chipper.
Not just yet.
"If lost or astray, return to my master,
Justine Arnaud."
Justine Arnaud?
One and only.
This book is full of powerful magic.
How did you acquire it?
- It's a long story.
- But don't you see?
The story is not yet
written, not all of it.
We need to take the fight to Balestro.
And this, this may be just
the weapon we need.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
No, tomorrow's not gonna work.
It has to be today.
Yeah, for teeth whitening. Perfect.
Uh-huh. Uh, a-and can
you add a special note,
uh, for the canines?
Great. Thank you.
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[BOTH SIGH SOFTLY]
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Dude.
Okay, enough's enough.
Loitering.
It's bad for business.
[SNIFFING]
When was the last time
you took a shower?
I cleansed with lye and
the torment remains.
Look, man, we all get our hopes up.
Things don't go our way.
But, hey, you know what?
Sometimes that can be
a blessing in disguise.
True blessings aren't
disguised in my experience.
It's a figure of speech.
Sometimes it forces you
to make sure you're on the right road.
Take me, for example.
Get my hair cut, my nails
done, my chest waxed.
Still deciding on the legs,
even though I hear
it's more aerodynamic.
But do you know why?
So you can move more
efficiently through the air?
No, but that makes sense.
That's not the point I'm trying to make.
Because you're on the right road.
Exactly. I wanted something,
and I wanted it a lot.
But I wanted it for the wrong reasons.
Hopes were high.
Things didn't go my way.
- Well, you seem happy.
- Oh, I am,
because without that wrong way,
I would have never found the right road.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Hey, c-come here.
- You want to know a secret?
- Yes.
- [WHISPERS] Tonight's the night.
- Why?
Oh, maybe I shouldn't talk about this.
I mean, it's a pretty big deal.
Probably shouldn't spread it around.
Oh, what the hell.
Mike you know Mike?
- Yes.
- Mike is gonna turn me
into a vampire.
Can you believe that?
I mean, how awesome is that?
But you'll become a
creature of the night.
Oh, pfft.
I'll become the most beautiful
creature of the night.
[LAUGHS]
[SIGHS]
See? I reevaluated.
I found the right road.
And the universe rewarded me.
The universe?
Yeah, or God. I'm easy.
[PHONE RINGS]
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Hi. Thanks for calling me back.
Hang in there.
The right road is out
there waiting for you.
I know it is.
♪
Hi, can we cancel the mani?
Yeah, I've decided that longer nails
are more on brand for Todd.
Okay, great.
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[OMINOUS NOTES]
Hey! Who wants breakfast?
[KITCHEN TOOL SCRAPING]
[SIZZLING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Nathan! Brianna!
Y'all better get in here
before I eat these eggs.
Oh, hey. Come on in.
Make yourself at home.
Now, this is some weird shit.
I take it you're supposed to be
me from a different timeline?
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Yeah, something like that.
I'm who you could've been
if you never met Angela.
You're telling me if I stayed human,
I would have become a family man?
Married.
Two kids.
One on the way.
[SIGHS SOFTLY]
You look exhausted.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
You have no idea.
[SIGHS]
Made Mama a grandmama before she passed.
You should've seen the look on her face.
She was so happy.
Of course she was.
That's all she ever wanted.
But come on, man, this domesticity,
that that was never
in the cards for me.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Of course not.
Man, you're an action figure.
Lone wolf.
How's that working out for you?
[LAUGHS DRILY]
Well, it's not all sunshine
and rainbows.
But at least I didn't give up the fight.
Every day, I get up.
I grind.
I put food on that table.
I teach my kids how to
think for themselves
so when they go out in the world,
they make it better.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
That's a fight too.
And a good one.
Look, maybe you see the value in that.
You're a father, right? A deacon, sire.
I heard Reggie's a bright kid.
I'm sure that has something
to do with you.
Not lately. I been taking a step back.
I figured he's good now.
That's the thing about kids.
They grow up.
They may get independent.
But they never stop
Never stop needing you.
♪
[SIGHS] I was gonna say they
never stop asking for money.
But yeah, they never stop needing you.
That that works.
Thanks for the pep talk, Pops.
♪
Any time.
Oh, and Maurice
if you ever want a different life,
press the down button.
♪
A little more to the right.
- [GROANS]
- Up an inch.
Ugh, whatever. It's good enough.
It's like we never even
cast that fireball.
I think you're right about Bellinor.
None of these weapon spells are working.
Or maybe we just need to go bigger.
The Call of Sabnock?
What is the opposite of an angel?
Something vile, something unholy.
- Something demonic.
- Exactly.
I say we fight the lightest
light with the darkest dark.
It says here Sabnock has warrior demons
under his command, 50 legions of them.
And if we control Sabnock
Why don't we give Sabnock
a call and find out?
[MYSTERIOUS DRONING MUSIC]
♪
Ex his quattuor angulis terrae,
invocamus te, Sabnock magnum.
Abi a tuo regno.
♪
BOTH: Veni foras.
Veni foras. Veni foras.
Veni foras.
♪
[EXHALES SHAKILY]
- Sabnock?
- That's his spirit.
Catch it, and he'll do our bidding.
Where's the jar?
♪
Back off, Sabnock.
[DARK OMINOUS MUSIC]
[DEMONIC VOICE]
Who dares disturb Sabnock?
I am Legion.
I am Hellfire.
Oh, well, fuck me.
[THUMPING ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
Mm.
Ugh. Okay, there. Happy?
Please, tell us where
we can find Abraham.
- He's our last hope.
- Oh, I had no idea.
- Of course I'll help you.
- [CHUCKLES]
Right after I take this shot.
Who's with me? Huh?
- Yeah? Yes?
- Hey, sorry I'm late.
- And you are?
- You pushed the up button.
Where's Abraham?
Well, according to Santos,
involuntary acquaintance
and, I guess, party tour guide,
Abraham's AWOL.
We came all this way for nothing.
No time is wasted when
you party like I party.
Ah. Oh.
And he's been doing this.
Quite the itch you got there.
Pay no attention to the itching.
It's just a rash. Actually
- Oh, hey.
- Yeah. Oh.
Oh, man, that's amazing. Yeah.
Yeah, you know what? Actually
- ah, now we're talking!
- Now we're stopping.
- Whoa, that's not a rash.
- Oh.
- Those are wings.
- [SHUSHES] Come on.
You've never seen a fallen angel before?
No. Gotta say no.
- Nope.
- What are you even doing here?
I've been on Earth for some time.
Came down when they were
building the pyramids.
I lent a hand, they made me pharaoh,
and I've been living a life of sin
and loving it ever since.
Wait, but if you're a fallen angel,
then you must know Balestro.
I know Balestro well enough to make sure
he thinks I'm three tombs
over from King Tut.
And I want to keep it that
way, thank you very much.
- Low profile.
- We just need some intel.
No one has to know where it came from.
As Vampire Hand of the Americas,
I swear you have my word.
And as Deacon of the Americas,
if you don't help us,
I'll rip off what little
wings you have left.
Fine, fine, fine.
I may not know where Abraham is,
- but intel, that I got.
- We're all ears.
♪
[INHALES DEEPLY]
- Do you trust me?
- We literally just
[GROANS]
[CREATURES HOWLING IN DISTANCE]
Whoa.
Where are we?
This, my friend, is the
place where you will die.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
I'm sorry, did you say
I'm gonna die here?
- Afraid so.
- Like, in this exact spot?
Well, probably not that exact spot.
Could be over there, for
all I know, or there, or
that's a perfectly good spot there.
[LAUGHING] You-you're kidding, right?
Like, you're you're joking.
Death is only a big deal
if you make it a big deal.
Dude, why would you show me this?
You know I can't unsee this now.
This is a lovely place, all in all.
Green grass, paving stones.
Yeah, the place, the final
place, according to you.
How do you even know that?
Word travels fast for angels,
even fallen ones.
We all caught wind of this place
and Balestro's plan for it.
Trust me. No force on Heaven or Earth
can save you from his justice.
You will die here.
So you might as well give up
[LAUGHING] And get down.
Is this why you brought me here?
To terrify me into partying?
Not entirely.
It's also a perfect place
to share some confidential
information you didn't know.
Until now.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
♪
Reginald? Reg Hey. You okay?
Yeah.
Oh! No, no. No, thank you.
I-I mean, but also, thank you.
- Any time.
- Did you get what we need?
Yeah, I th I think I did.
[UPBEAT FUNKY MUSIC]
Was that always there?
Nope.
It's a VIP area.
You don't you don't think
Mm-hmm.
♪
So the rash, honest
opinion, how bad is it?
Oh, you should you should
definitely get that looked at.
- Mm, yeah.
- Yeah, it's not good.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
♪
Abraham.
Reggie, my man.
Welcome to my party.
Ain't no party like a whoop-whoop party
'cause a whoop-whoop party don't stop.
Well, until it does.
Come into these big arms, Reggie.
Come here.
- Ha ha.
- [GROANS]
How you doing, my man?
What up, playa?
Good to see you again, Maurice.
Likewise.
Ooh, who is this?
Um, Sarah. I'm with them.
Uh, your home is like Fort
Knox meets Hogwarts.
I take great pride in keeping
everyone safe and sound.
Until, you know, ba-boom, the big day.
Then it's out of my hands.
Where my hookah at?
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
You're stronger than any of us,
and yet you're choosing to do nothing?
I don't think I like
what you're getting at.
Oh, I'm not getting at anything.
I'm already there.
Okay, you can help us. I know you can.
So I'm having a hard time understanding
why you'd rather party instead
of helping us save our world.
Maybe I'm not the person you think I am.
Maybe you're not the vampire
we thought you were.
[LAUGHS]
♪
Don't talk to me like I don't know
the gravity of the situation.
And don't place your
bets on me, youngsters.
I'm not the solution to your problems.
- [GRUNTS]
- [TENSE MUSIC]
You're gonna have to do
a lot better than that.
[GRUNTING]
[COUGHS]
♪
That was a lot better.
♪
Shit.
Uh
um
expello te, Sabnock.
Expello te, extra mundum, in exsilium.
Minor. Minor.
[OMINOUS MUSIC FADING]
Oh, thank God. He's gone.
- [SIGHS]
- Wait, where's Sabnock?
Sabnock is right at home.
- You sent him back to hell?
- In a way.
[HIGH-PITCHED] You fool!
You think you can confine
me to this wretched place?
[SIGHS]
Reginald read this thing cover to cover,
and he could not find a
spell to kill Balestro.
And I just I don't think
we're going to either.
Now what?
[DISEMBODIED WHISPERING]
[UPBEAT FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
How about that?
[MUSIC GETS LOUDER]
Okay, I was not expecting
a disco grimoire.
[LAUGHS]
Damn, this book is hopeless.
It's really beyond hopeless.
But this song is awesome.
Don't know why I believed you ♪
I will take you by my heart ♪
Whoo!
Everybody having a good time?
- [CROWD CHEERS]
- That's what I'm talking about!
Want to take that to the VIP room?
♪
Thank you, my lady.
♪
Make that four.
- It's a party.
- Hear me out.
I think you're selling yourself short.
Sure, Balestro is impossibly powerful.
But, from what we've seen,
you're a close second.
Very close.
We've already established
how powerful I am.
Tell me something I don't know.
Fine. I saved your life
and you owe me.
I didn't want to go there.
- But you did.
- You gave me no choice.
♪
What if Balestro's doing us a favor?
I mean, what's so
great about this place?
You know, I've been
around for millennia,
and it's always the same constant.
War, greed, chaos.
Yeah, well I call bullshit
on your existential crap,
'cause the real reason
you're tapping out
has nothing to do with
a change of scenery.
The real reason
is Balestro was your father.
Yeah, it is not looking good.
Actually, it's looking
pretty fucking dire.
But?
I think we have a secret weapon.
And I have spent quality
time trying to kill him.
I was convinced he
didn't belong with us.
Hm. Reginald Andres.
[SCOFFS]
I don't know how and I don't know why,
but no matter the obstacle,
no matter how fucking
dire the situation is,
that kid always manages to
come out on the other side.
So that's the plan, Reginald.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Less a plan and more of a compliment,
which I would never admit to in public.
So we wait for Reginald to save the day?
No. No, fuck that.
I mean, maybe he figures
it out, maybe he doesn't,
but I'm not just gonna wait around
for someone else to rescue me.
If this is it, if this is
the end of all my days,
then there's only one
place I want to be.
Paris.
That's where I belong.
La Ville Lumière.
[CHUCKLES]
It's Rome for me.
Come to think of it,
there's somebody there
I need to say goodbye to.
♪
What do you say we get
the hell out of Ohio?
♪
I'm right behind you.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
♪
Let's go! We say no to the trio!
Let's go! Party's over!
I have it on good authority
that Balestro is your dad,
which makes all the sense.
The protection spells,
the never-ending party.
You're hiding from him.
I'm not hiding from anyone.
I just don't want anything
to do with him or his angels.
Let's go!
Sounds like hiding to me.
Look, I get it.
I have a bad relationship
with my dad too.
Who doesn't have father issues?
Have you read the damn Bible?
But you're still Balestro's son.
He might want to spare you,
which means he might listen to you.
You're the only one who
could change his mind.
I can't. No one can.
Are you sure you're only half angel?
This whole time we thought
you were with us.
But now I'm starting to wonder
whose side you're really on.
- [FANGS CLICK]
- [HISSES]
I'm not on anyone's side.
And if you want to know
how powerful I am,
you keep pushing me, youngblood.
Okay, maybe maybe you're right, okay?
Maybe there is life after death,
and maybe we do move on
to a place after here.
Or maybe we don't.
And all that we're left with
is the choices that we made.
And I'm choosing to go out fighting.
Till the bitter end.
Like it or not, you're
making a choice
the wrong one.
When are you kids gonna learn
not to place your bets on me?
[THUMPING ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
♪
It was worth a shot.
♪
See you later, Big Man.
Or not.
Bye, Reginald.
♪
Hold up! Wait a minute!
Where are my manners?
You know, it's been a long millennium.
And I can't let you leave without
[WHISPERS] Party favors.
- Party what?
- It's Claire.
Claire is the key.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
"Claire is the key."
That's mysterious.
Any idea what it means?
For every key a key ring?
- So no clue then.
- I got nothing. [CHUCKLES]
But it's a start.
Well, let's go home and finish it.
♪
- [SIGHS] This should be fun.
- Yeah.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
[WHISPERING CONTINUES]
Uriel.
What are you doing here?
We all get our hopes up.
Right. Yeah, I, uh
I said that, but
Sometimes things don't go our way.
Uh
Are you all right?
That's not a blessing.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
It's a curse.
♪
I was a lamb led astray,
infected by temptation [SNIFFLES]
By love
by her.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Dude,
dude, stop. What are you doing?
[GROANS]
Uriel.
I know you're in pain.
But you don't have to do this.
We can talk.
We can just talk.
♪
But I am not a lamb.
♪
I am Uriel.
Soldier of the light,
protector of the innocent.
♪
I cannot let you make another monster.
[SCREAMS]
[TENSE MUSIC]
[WHIMPERING] Hey.
No, no, no, no, no, Mike.
Mike, Mike!
I had to do it.
There was no other choice.
♪
He wasn't gonna turn me.
He said no.
[SNIFFLES] He said no!
He said no!
♪
[ETHEREAL CHIMES RINGING]
[SOFT OMINOUS MUSIC]
♪
What the fuck?
What the flying fuck?
One, two ♪
One, two, one, two, three, four! ♪
I won't take much more of this ♪
Counting all your little games ♪
One more strike is all I need ♪
To get me to the highest stage ♪
I won't wait here, I won't wait here ♪
Five, four, three, two, one ♪
Now I know your number's up ♪
Count on me through it all ♪
I won't wait until I see you there ♪