Reporting for Duty (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

Sausage Party

So let's have a conversation.
Uh-Well, Serrote,
I'd love to converse, but it just
You know, my apartment
is still a big disaster.
My stuff is still in boxes.
- We can speak another day.
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
- [doorbell rings]
- [Suzano] Huh?
Suzano, are you there?
Sh! Sh, sh!
No, not here. No.
Is anyone there with you?
- [high-pitched voice] No one!
- [groans]
Hey, Suzano, what's the matter?
You in danger?
I got some guys from the PD with me.
[deep voice]
Listen to me, Suzano. This is Rodrigo.
We're heavily armed to protect you.
- If you need any help at all, just say so.
- No!
The balcony is really high.
Don't do that. You'll get hurt!
- [Serrote screams]
- [clattering]
My God! Hey, Serrote, for the love of God,
watch out for the electric
- Oh boy!
- [Serrote screams]
Watch the barbecue! You're gonna
- Oh!get burned. Oh Lord.
- [sizzling]
- Now
- [clattering]
Man, he's got no luck.
He shouldn't be a criminal with his luck.
[high-pitched voice] Now it's my turn! Ah!
Serrote jumped out the window already.
It was awful.
What? Serrote is here?
Huh? What, were you
gonna kill him with a pizza?
No, we've gotta call up the 8th PD.
Why? So they can serve me up
on a silver platter again?
There's only one person
who has the fortitude and strength
that's necessary to protect me
and guard against evil.
- Who?
- [sentimental music plays]
Easy. Easy, it's over now.
Mommy is here. You're here again.
This mafia won't ever, ever
lay a finger on my Suzi.
Hey, Ma, could you please
not call me Suzi out loud?
[theme music plays]
Wah, wah.
[siren beeping]
[gentle music plays]
- [Suzano's mom] Look at this. My baby.
- [rooster crows]
- [Mantovani] Cute.
- [Suzano's mom] Scared Suzi.
[Mantovani] Aw.
Look, on a tricycle.
- So cute.
- [chuckles]
- Oh, look at this one.
- Morning, Mom.
Morning, Mantovani. I woke up starving.
[Suzano's mom] That's real nice, huh?
You started dating this beautiful lady
and never thought I'd like to know?
Uh, I guess I'm still asleep.
- Come on, babe.
- No, I'm awake.
Why all the secrecy around our intense,
consensual, and reciprocal relationship
which began
exactly two months and 18 days ago,
when we first saw each other
at that flower-arranging class?
She'll think I'm making up
the whole thing. Don't you remember?
Mantovani, what's the matter?
You want some water
or a Klonopin or an exorcism?
Wow, Lord, you know,
the chemistry I feel between you two.
Thanks, Ma.
Ms. Cida, I loved seeing photos
of Suzano's childhood,
butt-naked and lying on his back and all,
but now that he's awake,
I think that he and I should
we should, uh, catch up a little bit.
- Right, my, um
- Oh.
um, my, uh,
jar of wild granola.
- I call him that, yeah.
- [Cida] Of course.
- Mmm.
- [Cida] Yeah, hey, son.
Show her your room a little.
- I'll be quiet as a mouse.
- Let's go.
Mommy, we have to talk about this habit
of yours showing photos of me to people.
["Careless Whisper" plays]
See? And my mom wonders
why I moved out, you know?
But, I mean, how old were you
when you left, Chief? Like, um
Uh, uh, uh ah!
Uh, mmm.
Twitchy hands. Uh, don't
Be careful. If you damage the box,
it loses its value.
Hey, Inspector. [clears throat]
Uh, listen, you know,
we've grown very close, yes,
but, look, not to give you
the wrong impression.
The issue regarding a relationship
between a chief and an inspector
It's platonic professional, Chief, okay?
It's the perfect cover
so I can be your shadow
without a modicum of suspicion, okay?
No, I knew right away it was a disguise.
Uh, but just to clear up confusion,
what for again?
Remember Wi-Fi had had the password
to the computer from Drowned Rat?
Uh, maybe, yeah.
Turns out he was able to intercept
a message from out of the ether.
Let's get the loose end we missed
at the Anchovy Festival,
Leave no trace, all right?
- Okay, but who's Lucy?
- No, loose end.
He's got poor diction, Chief.
And since you're the main attraction
at the festival, you'll be easy to find.
They just have to take aim at your head
and bang! Bang! Bang!
Ah! My God in Heaven.
You have a real subtle way
of delivering news to someone, don't you?
- Relax, everything's in hand, okay?
- [Suzano] Hmm.
I've got you. Don't worry,
because you'll be the lure.
- The lure, you say?
- Yeah.
Well, the plan's off to a lousy start,
because I'm just so bony.
I mean, even mosquitos say no to this.
Okay, so what's your plan?
Forever hiding
in your bedroom like Peter Pan?
Do you think it's safe in here, Chief?
To the men in the mafia,
this whole place is loaded with weapons.
For real?
How about a trophy to the trachea?
Scout scarf used
to break your neck like a twig!
- You okay?
- [coughs]
- Ah!
- Teddy-bear muffled gunshots!
I feel like our childhoods
were a little different.
Look, who am I to tell you
what to do here?
But if Suzi wants to stay put
and wait here for the mafia,
No, Suzi agrees with the inspector.
Now, if the Inspector could get off,
'cause I
My mom in the bathtub, in the bathtub.
Beryllium, magnesium, calcium,
strontium, barium, radium
Looking good, Chief. Looking good.
Are you disguised
as the maniac of Campo Manso?
No, It's just for protection
against the sun or the cold.
And protection from the, uh, mafia.
Icing on the cake, I feel. [chuckles]
- Chief, hey.
- Yeah?
- Trust me, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
- I got you. I'm here for you.
- Right.
Hi, Suzi! I heard you were coming.
I've been waiting over there
since yesterday.
You scared us, Emilinha.
Jeez, is that how you
welcome your fiancée?
- You've got a fiancée?
- Uh, just a minute.
Look, she's loony toons, okay?
Uh, it was for a play in school, Emilinha.
The chemistry was real, wasn't it?
Yeah, well, we were eight years old.
We thought unicorns were real too
back then, didn't we?
- I'm sorry, you are?
- His girlfriend, actually. Why?
- Girlfriend?
- Yeah.
Let me show you something, honey,
- All right?
- Freeze, hey! Hands off the purse, hey!
She's just jealous of your purse.
It's a beautiful purse, really, stunning.
I was his fiancée once. Where is it?
Here. See? We were Sandy and Junior here.
And at Scout camp,
I set up his tent all the time,
because he couldn't do it.
And tonight, I'm going to win
the Golden Anchovy competition
and be his lady at last.
And nobody's going to keep me from that.
You hear? [huffs]
That way, Emilinha.
Wow. I don't know what's the bigger risk,
the mafia
or that wacko fiancée running around?
The mafia.
Well, anyway,
seems we need reinforcements.
So why don't you give me
the profile of the local agents?
Ah, Brazil's finest.
Inspector, we're here! [chuckles]
Welcome, Inspector,
to my slice of paradise. [chuckles]
Those were my happiest days.
So let me introduce you to the people.
You see that guy? That's Coruja.
Listen, that happens again,
and we are gonna stop doing
your laundry for you, young man.
I mean he's
the most experienced guy in the station.
Yeah, he's tough.
He takes care of all the guests.
That's what we call the inmates here,
by the way, you know,
because you always want them to go away.
Right here, that guy's called Fusca.
Fusca's in charge
of keeping this place clean spiritually.
[woman coughing]
We've got Paz here.
She loves doing reports.
Four hundred and thirty. Yes!
[Suzano] She absolutely loves reports.
If you give a report to her,
pop, pop, pop, pop, pop
She takes one after another.
She's known as the fastest pen
in all of law enforcement.
Oh, let me show you this.
This is terrific.
We've got our great intern here.
He's called Fax.
That's who's stealing chickens
in the slaughterhouse.
He'll make a great cop.
- He dreams to retire as a police chief.
- Focus.
Yeah, but
they look just like
the folks at the 8th PD.
- Well, except for
- [woman] Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God! Oh my God! My heart!
- Oh!
- [woman] Oh, my cutie!
Who's the cutest little lamb
disguised as a police chief?
Blessings, Aunt Ana!
Well, this here is our Aunt Ana.
She's the one who took over
the station here when I was sent to hell.
I mean, the 8th PD, right, Aunt Ana?
Guys! Guys, the little lamb's here!
My little lamb's here!
- Come on. Let's say hi to the little lamb.
- Yay.
[Fusca] Welcome back, Chief.
Oh, Guys, I can't tell you
how much I missed you all.
Manso-Chiefs, activate!
[all cheer]
Hey, wait a minute. Come here.
Come here. Psst. Come here, hey.
This is Inspector Mantovani, okay?
She's all the way from the 8th PD,
and despite that traumatized look,
she's a super person, a sensitive person,
and we she and I,
as a matter of fact How
We've gotta talk, Chief, urgently.
I'll explain it, yeah.
Yeah, we would like to talk about how
- An urgent matter.
- A meeting, urgently.
We're gonna position
each of the investigators on the flank
to provide the chief with security.
You see any movements
that look suspicious,
report position to us via radio.
Have you got that?
[woman in video] I hate you.
- I want you to die!
- [grunts]
- Oh no!
- You're crazy! [grunts]
- [woman] Oh! You're worthless!
- Hey!
- Hey!
- [Paz] Oh, hi.
I can make some popcorn. Sound good?
No, it's because we've gotta watch
the new episode of Litigation of Passion.
Ah, is that so?
- [Suzano] Yeah.
- Yeah.
- So so what?
- It's a must-watch TV here.
Today, Maria Consuelo
is meeting the villain
who swapped her body
with that of her rival.
It's Soraya Cristina,
a person with such a heavy energy.
All of her chakras are closed.
Nazaré Tedesco's thrown
fewer ladies down stairwells.
- Yeah.
- [Fusca] Everyone knows.
Can I please continue?
- Please continue.
- [Paz] Of course.
Okay, let's just say that Serrote
is the villain in our telenovela.
- [all gasp]
- All right? He's going after the good guy.
So each of the Maria Consuelos
will be placed in a spot from the map,
and we will keep an eye on
[all] Serrote?
No, on Carlos Magno, who's the good guy.
- Sorry, Carlos Magno? We look alike.
- Spitting image.
- I've always thought that.
- [Paz] What about Serrote?
One minute, one minute. Mmm
So, um, if we see any sign at the fair
of Soraya Cristina
sorry, I mean Serrote, we tell you
about it over the radio. Is that it?
Thank you. Thank you.
Very good. A gold star for Fax, huh?
- [all chanting] Gold star!
- [Suzano chuckles]
Okay, so his cell is gonna get
paired with mine. Is that clear?
Oh, paired just means
it's the same frequency, okay?
Just so you know.
So we'll all just keep a close eye on him,
and until then, you know,
it's gonna have to be "to be continued."
No, no way, until then it's
[all] And scene!
- [Suzano] Marvelous. Good job, guys.
- I'll be hurt in the next episode.
Pretty brilliant, thanks.
Mom, I I have something to ask you.
Please feel free to do anything you want
with your girlfriend in there.
Just put a sock up on the knob, and
I'll see it. I'll understand the signal.
No, Ma. It's not that.
Uh, it's about the Anchovy Festival
where they're honoring me.
I think you should probably not go
Yeah, fine.
Really? I thought
it might break your heart.
Oh, Suzi, you know I I
I already had plans
with Josivaldo, the baker.
He's coming over here to drink a little,
and actually, on that note,
if you happen to see a sock
or something on the knob, just act
And Mantovani?
Where's Mantovani? Mantovani?
["Careless Whisper" plays]
Don't laugh, Chief.
Your mom was the one
who picked the dress for me. [chuckles]
Chief, huh?
- [music stops]
- [cow moos]
[Cida] I get it.
You've been role-playing, haven't you?
Let's all take a photo, huh?
The light's pretty right now.
Let's take full advantage of it.
- [grunts]
- [Cida] Everybody, say "cheese."
Get in close.
Oh, great!
And now, how about one where you two
get in for a little kiss, huh?
Hey, Mommy, respect our privacy a bit.
But It's just a kiss.
You're a couple, aren't you?
[chimes tinkling]
Ah! [sighs]
- [knock on door]
- Oh, I'll get it.
- I'll get it.
- Yeah.
[door opens]
- Oh, Father Nestor, lovely to see you!
- [Cida] Hi.
Your homemade cheese!
Oh, that's marvelous.
You know, this is paired best with
- Uh
- [Cida] What are you doing here?
Hmm. Hmm That's
[Mantovani clears throat]
Lots of holes.
It's served best with holes,
because then it seems
a bit like Swiss cheese. It's fun.
Thank you. You came,
delivered it, and now you've gotta leave.
Ma, Father Nestor
didn't even get to say anything.
- Is he an extra or what?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- [Cida gasps]
[all] Hi, Suzi!
[chicken clucking]
[Mantovani] Wow!
They all really love the chief so much.
But folks must've been terrified
of that Serrote guy, huh?
Not at all!
Suzano's a hero
because of his service to people.
Not what he does about thugs.
My boy started
what they call the Solidarity Ride.
It stopped car accidents,
and there are no
more drunks sleeping on the town square.
[Mantovani] Oh, wow.
Not to mention the PD's soup kitchen,
which ended hunger and theft of chickens.
All the broken teddy bears deserve repair.
No, no, those chickens I'm talking about,
we fried them and ate them.
No, no, that's what he said
when he got to Tijuca.
[both laugh]
Look, I'm all good here, you know?
Everything's good. [chuckles]
Well, we can't beat them,
so I guess we'll just join them
and take a photo.
- Let's do it.
- [Cida] Let's take a photo!
- Squeeze in, folks. Come on.
- [Cida] Let's go. Let's do it.
- Ma, you got it?
- Sure.
Hey, people. Let's all say,
"The greatest chief ever!"
[Mantovani] The best chief.
["Baby, Me Atende" plays]
[singing in Portuguese]
[camera clicks]
East and South areas, can you stand by?
- Do you see any signs of Serrote yet?
- All seems clear over here.
Nothing to be seen. All clear here.
Clear over here too guys.
Inspector, listen to me a minute.
Just forget all this for a while.
I mean look at this festival,
this beautiful anchovy fest.
It's so beautiful. Everyone's excited.
There are some nice game stalls.
Look at that one over there.
"Shake the Anchovy."
Seems easy,
but it's harder than it looks.
Now this is the best one, I think.
"Blow the Anchovy."
[recorded voice]
Whoever makes it pop first is the winner!
How long do you usually take
to make an anchovy pop?
For how long can you keep
the anchovy in your mouth?
- No, but, like
- [Suzano] What?
I mean you're asking
But but anchovy means
like like wiener, right?
No, no, of course not.
I'm talking about a fish here.
A wiener's usually made of pork.
And when you see how their made, you'll
never wanna put one in your mouth again.
No, Chief, like a python.
- That's a snake.
- Like a Jimmy.
- Who's that?
- A tool, a hose, a bishop.
Sorry where does the anchovy fit in?
You also don't know
where the Anchovy fits?
Are there no double meanings
here in Campo Manso?
No, we do have some two-way streets.
It's just that this one,
coincidentally, is only one-way.
I'm famished.
Better grab a bite then, shouldn't we?
What are you hungry for?
Maybe I don't know. Corn, perhaps?
Very good, I'll find a big firm one
for you to gobble up. Just wait a minute.
["Baby, Me Atende" plays]
[people cheering]
[Fax] Hey, buddy!
Listen, I was following you because
you dropped your wallet back there
and looks like it's empty,
so I figured out it was yours.
And I picked up on something very strange.
I'm sure you're here for
the Anchovy Festival like everyone else,
and there wasn't a single dollar
in your wallet.
But you can rest assured.
I'm here to do my job,
so I went ahead and left a 20 in there
for you to have some fun tonight, man.
So please have that. Enjoy it, huh?
[in Portuguese]
Are you trying to tie me up? ♪
I just want to have fun
I'm single, come on over ♪
Are you trying to tie me up?
Are you trying to arrest me? ♪
I just want to have fun
I'm single, come on over ♪
Today, I'm single ♪
- Today I'm ♪
- [Suzano in slo mo] Oh!
Whoa, Chief, you okay?
Uh, I think I twisted my ankle
and dropped the corn.
[mysterious music plays]
Hello? Hello? Hello?
I see a suspicious little lamb
at the candy stand.
Uh, over.
Big 10-4. Describe the suspect.
It's a little old lady, uh,
from the seniors' choir in town.
Her voice is awful. It's sad.
She's trying to use last year's vouchers
to buy a little snack. In progress.
Uh, ten ten ten
Yeah, I don't know what Campo Manso
would do without your efficiency.
I'm glad you're here, Aunt Ana.
- Aw, sweetie! We're here for you.
- [chuckles]
It's impressive. The folks here have
no sense of irony or double entendre.
The people of Campo Manso
don't see any evil.
- The hearts are pure in these people.
- Their hearts are pure.
Hearts are pure, and
they're so proud
of a certain hero chief, aren't they?
the thing about Serrote's arrest and
all that hero talk
[sighs]it happened differently.
- [Mantovani] I know.
- Come again?
You're a hero for for all you do
for the folks here in this town.
Look at the way they all
respect and adore you.
It's obvious they feel
they're important to you, man.
I think the 8th PD has lots to learn
from you. I really mean that.
And my foot doesn't hurt now. Amazing!
[both chuckle]
Good evening, Campo Manso!
You're beautiful!
MC Estefânio here
for another annual Anchovy Festival!
Is that Estevão?
No, no, no, that's Estefânio,
Estevão's brother. Twin brother.
But those two are different
as night and day. Typical fraternal twins.
And now, the most anticipated event
of the night to answer the question
who is the next Anchovy Queen gonna be?
So now, I'm gonna need
to get two volunteers.
Excuse me! Where is she? Oh!
- Oh, Emilinha! [chuckles]
- Oh boy.
Rich girl from the capital,
raised on a playground, well, well
- Face me, you little coward.
- What did you say?
- It was nothing
- Cow ward.
You don't know
who you're speaking to, all right?
- Mantovani
- I can and will easily rip you apart.
- Yeah, huh?
- Hey, Mantovani.
Just one thing before you go.
If you leave, then I'll be by myself.
You gotta mind the store.
- They wanna murder me, you know?
- No, this'll be fast.
- Don't be scared, Chief.
- Right.
Nobody makes fun of me that way
without a fight.
Back in the day, we used to fish
anchovies the right way, with our teeth.
Coruja, I don't wanna hear
a word from you,
because good fishing is done like this.
[Coruja] I give up.
Man, anchovies out of recycled plastic!
Boy, oh boy. [chuckles]
Hey, buds. How you doing, Fusca?
How you doing, Coruja?
[chuckles] I'm here.
Because of the mafia's growing presence
here threatening my life,
I decided to hide in this pit
with the the mini anchovies and balls.
Uh, watch out.
Bogies at 9:30.
But it's 8:20 in the evening, Chief.
No, I mean,
it's the, uh, position, direction.
[ominous music plays]
[Fusca] Uh,
the suspect you're referring to
is that cute little girl with the lollipop
standing over there?
Exactly. They're becoming criminals
at such a young age, Fusca.
Unbelievable, right?
Ha! Looks like the city's got your whole
system much more nervous, Chief.
Fusca, stay with the chief.
I'm gonna get some drinks.
[Fusca] Hey! No drinks, okay?
What a man needs is an herbal soak
to realign his chakras. Anise?
- No, no, please.
- [Coruja] No, no, he needs a parquinha.
- A parquinha.
- Anise.
- Guys! Guys, please don't go!
- Anise!
Guys, stay here. Please, don't go! Hey!
- Criminals are Eee-
- Don't shit your pants, hey?
It's a little late for that, my friend,
because I already did. Sorry.
If I were you,
I wouldn't linger back there.
- You're drawing too much attention to us.
- Sorry.
- Come with me, buddy.
- [yells quietly] Help. Anyone at all?
It's time!
Let the traditional trial by fire begin.
- Our Shoot-Out of Anchovies!
- [bell dings]
Emilinha's got fire in her eyes.
Isn't that right, Mantovani?
Are you ready, Emilinha?
On your mark, get set, go!
[clock ticking]
[Estefânio] Oh!
- [grunting]
- Whoa! No, you're doing well.
- Rifle down!
- [applause]
But you've done pretty well. You got
seven out of ten targets in ten seconds.
A lot better than last year, you missed
What was it? Four? Is that right?
All right, Mantovani, our big-city guest.
Are you ready? You prepared?
[scoffs] Barrel's uneven here.
[laughs] Look, the big-city girl is
looking for excuses to get out of trouble.
- I'm nothing but trouble, Emilinha.
- Whoo-hoo! Time, Mantovânia!
[clock ticking]
Down! Down! Down! Down!
Ah! So scary!
How about that? You totally wrecked it!
Please clear the way.
Clear the way over there,
because our new Anchovy Queen, Mantovani,
is coming through. Right this way.
[cheering and applause]
I demand a recount! The crown is mine! Ah!
What is this, Emilinha?
Tell me, Emilinha,
who did you say was chickening out, huh?
- Go away.
- Suzi!
Please applaud. She's officially
our new Anchovy Queen,
- Many thanks. So many.
- [cheering]
And as it's tradition here
at the annual Anchovy Festival,
every year we hand
the Golden Anchovy prize to our king!
Come on up here, Suzano!
[woman] Suzano!
Suzano, come here.
[indistinct yelling]
Well, a queen needs her king.
That's gotta be why she left, you know?
It's clear to everyone
No, just to be clear,
a queen doesn't need a king, okay?
She can be alone,
and and and that's cool, yeah?
But what you said is nothing.
[cheering and applause]
- Move, move, move, move!
- Ah!
Paz, please tell me
you know where Suzano is.
I'd tell you, but I made a promise to
Saint Hedwig, so I'm unable to lie to you.
Oh, his locator is still on.
That's just great.
Ah, that's the place
where Serrote was apprehended.
That's the old abandoned house
right there!
- We've gotta go right now.
- Uh, we'll use Genésio's car here.
- Do you mean this here?
- It's won lots of street races.
Open up! Hurry! Let's go, Genésio!
Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go, but okay
Just not too fast, okay?
I don't have any speeding tickets with me.
So please, stick to the law.
["Bandida" plays]
Hey, Serrote. Don't be aggressive, huh?
[Serrote] What are you talking about, man?
I'm going.
- There's still so much I wanna do.
- Move faster, will you? Go on!
["Bandida" plays]
Go. I'll cover you. I'll cover you.
There's nothing
we can't talk over and negotiate.
- [Serrote] We'll talk when it's time.
- [Suzano] Okay.
[grunts] Oh, the hole we shared!
Remember, Serrote?
Good memories in this place,
don't you think?
- Yeah, I actually remember it hurting.
- Jeez, no need to get rude.
Easy, man. Easy, man. Oh my God!
Okay, hey. Man, stop crying.
Come on. What is this?
- It's time for you and I to have our chat.
- Freeze, Serrote! Hands in the air!
My God in Heaven,
that guy's survival instincts
are terrible, aren't they?
All right it's over for you now, Serrote.
You have nowhere to go.
["Baby, Me Atende" plays]
- [Suzano] Nice.
- Cuff Serrote!
No, impossible, he's already got a wife.
- Cuff Serrote!
- He isn't
Come on, Chief. We're gonna have
to arrest him ourselves, I guess.
Mantovani, he's not going anywhere.
I think we have a little time
[both scream]
[Suzano grunts]
[both groaning]
What the fuck? [groans]
[groans] I'm okay.
Aside from the internal bleeding,
I'd say that I'm all good
[both grunt]
- Whoa, look.
- [Suzano] What?
These are all the slot machines
Serrote's hiding for the mafia.
Uh, so it's better
that we don't touch anything, right?
- Come on. Let's go.
- No way! What?!
[chuckles] We're the 8th squad.
No, we're the Campo Manso PD! Ow!
[both groaning]
[theme music plays]
Previous EpisodeNext Episode