Robin Hood s02e02 Episode Script

The Booby and the Beast

Come on, pay up your taxes! Guards, take this to the Sheriff.
Taxes, we do not like.
Phew! Well done, lads.
Hello, there.
We're winning.
Sorry, my lord.
Come on, we are really winning.
But there's one more prize if we really want to beat the Sheriff.
How do we know there is a strong room? - A wild guess.
- A little bird told him, a little Marian bird.
This is it.
- Djaq.
- This? It's just a door.
No handle, no lock.
Robin! I do not like this! Will? - Will, what's this? - Much, don't touch that! Why do I do it? - I'll check it out.
- Quick, quick! Turn it, turn it! What is this? The Sheriff's war chest.
And that is our poor chest, lads.
- I'm not equipped for this.
- Robin, dogs! I know.
But we'll be back.
Am I to drown in everyone's incompetence whilst Robin Hood steals everything that is rightfully mine? And clue - no! Do something about it, Gisborne! We know the strong room works.
It stopped Hood dead in his tracks.
Not dead enough! Stealing the money from me on the way here is one thing, stealing from right under my very nose is another! The Black Knights are coming, expecting their share-out.
At this rate, there'll be nothing left to share.
I want Hood caught, Gisborne, I want him dead.
Meanwhile, how's your German? - German? - Pat, woman, pat - don't rub.
- Ah, this guest you're expecting.
- Yes.
Count Friedrich of Bavaria is one of the richest aristocrats in Europe.
And stupid, too, so you and he should get on.
He also has a weakness for gambling.
- Your alterations to the Great Hall.
- Yes.
We will extend the Count every courtesy, Gisborne - I've taken my bath six months early for a reason.
And then we shall take the in-bred booby for every penny that he's got.
The Sheriff wanted me to thank you all for your hard work building his new strong room.
Slave labor, more like.
Where's our money? You'll get what's coming to you.
Now, how did Robin Hood find out about the strong room? Somebody must've told him.
Loose talk costs lives.
Very good.
This world is full of idiots, waiting to be parted from their money.
But as you know the house always wins.
Now, I've had this table put here in the middle because dice is the Count's favorite game and this is the first thing he'll see when he arrives.
Carry on.
Ah! Lady Marian.
There you are.
Now, our guest is due to arrive very shortly and I'd like you to be a friend to him.
I'd like you to make him feel that his every desire is yours to obey.
- Every desire? - Mm.
Show him a good time.
- What do you think, Gisborne? - Good idea.
Huh! No, I won't.
Oh, yes, you will, missy.
How's your father? So to speak.
House arrest doesn't help.
But very much alive.
He'll see my heart isn't in it.
Then pretend.
Deception comes easily enough to you.
Now, when the Count arrives, I want you to smile for him and buy yourself a gown that erm how shall I say? Stimulates the imagination.
The cheaper the better, I think.
Stand further off.
You make me feel as if I am under arrest.
Trinkets for the lovely lady? You call this fresh? You can't expect people to eat this muck.
Hey! Stop it! What you doing? - They have you well guarded.
- Why did I choose this? I can hardly breathe in there.
- What happened? - They're expecting a guest today, a rich German count, and they're making me fawn over him, dress up A German? Are the Sheriff and Prince John looking for allies abroad? He's not an ally, he's a gambler.
The Sheriff has set up gaming tables and he plans to fill his strong room with the Count's money.
You see - another good reason to rob him.
Robin, do not go down there - it's dangerous.
Well, you know me - I like a challenge.
- You don't have to do this.
- Yes, I do.
Without me, you wouldn't know about the strong room.
- "England needs me.
" - Yes! England needs me.
England needs us.
And I need you.
Guard! We need to break into the strong room so I thought of Stephen.
- Is he a friend of your father's? - No, a teacher.
A legend in his day.
He doesn't work any more but he used to be famous.
He went to the Orient.
They were his apprentices Gisborne had killed today.
Still passionate, angry? - Lots to be angry about.
- True.
And your skills - you're using them? Not wasting them? - I'm with Robin Hood.
- Good.
That is not a waste.
Do not touch that.
I have seen this type of work before.
It is Persian, no? It was my wife's.
The men who died had families - wives and children.
- I want them to be taken care of.
- They will be.
You have my word.
If there is any information you can give us, anything that they told you.
Look, I'm not being funny - we've seen this death trap in action, right? And we're taking a blind man's advice? When a man loses his sight, he finds compensation in the senses that remain.
I do not intend on joining your mission but I might be of assistance planning it.
But what do you know about the Sheriff's strong room? A great deal.
I designed it.
Marian! Who'd have thought? Ah! Count Friedrich.
Welcome to Nottingham.
Tell me, are all of the roads in England so bad? - I feel like I have been beaten like the egg.
- Your safety was my first concern.
I organized the route so as to avoid the forest.
We couldn't have your fortune or your good self falling into outlaws' hands.
Myself and my men are a match for any rustic ruffian, I assure you.
Ah! Had I know what awaited me here, I would've employed winged horses.
Er, Lady Marian has made it her personal responsibility to make sure your stay is as comfortable as possible.
- Really? - I'm happy to make your acquaintance.
Oh, come, come.
Acquaintances are for old ladies and priests.
We will dispense with such formalities.
I am already your friend and always your servant.
Oh, no! Do be careful, there! Take the chest to my rooms! It's a few shillings for the gaming tables.
Tell me, do you play, Lady Marian? Such pursuits are not entirely to my tastes.
Then we must find pursuits that excite you more.
Tell me, do you ride? Come on, come on.
Leaving so soon? Got your message.
What have you got for me? Robin wants to have another go at your strong room.
And? Well, that's it.
It'll be the next few days.
You'd better be ready.
Don't waste my time! I don't pay for obvious.
You'll have to do better than that.
Like what? Who told Robin Hood about the strong room? Dunno.
I don't, honest.
It's early days in our relationship but come to me again with nothing and I'll be very disappointed, understand? Yep.
Got it.
Don't make me wait too long.
The designs were not meant for the Sheriff.
- They were a commission.
- For who? A Persian general.
I did not complete the work but I kept the plans with me always.
Then not long ago, my apprentice sold them to the Sheriff.
His family were starving, I can't blame him.
He died for it.
No expense has been spared for your gambling pleasure.
Food, drink, company.
We aim to please in every respect, isn't that right, Marian? - Is this your idea of sport? - You do not like the skittles? - But it is a charming game.
- A child's game, surely? - Hm! - Do men really waste money on this? No waste if the prize is worth having.
Come, let me show you.
Gently caress the ball Danke schön.
I thank you.
Ow! Forgive me - my aim was a little wide.
Ja! This is the door, the only entrance or exit - there's no windows.
The room itself is 20 feet long by 20 feet wide, both walls are honeycombed with blow-holes, each loaded with arrows primed to strike a specific spot.
You step on the wrong stone and - Which stones? - My great innovation.
It changes.
Well, that's not possible.
Is it? A weighted wheel beneath the floor rotates regularly.
Each turn defines a new route, changing the order of the sprung stones.
So any stone can trigger a trap, at any time? I did not say it would be easy.
This, I do not like.
Come, Lady Marian, bring me some luck.
- Where have you been? - An errand.
He's quite taken with her.
Encourage him.
He'll lose quicker.
Marian just needs a little coaxing.
It's her way.
She says no when she means yes.
Really? Then I shall relish the challenge.
Lady Marian, I cannot roll unless you help me.
No, thank you.
No, no, Lady Marian.
I insist.
- Lady Marian wins! - You see? I win! Perhaps you will excuse me.
I have a headache.
Oh, how terrible for you.
If I may, I find that a gentle rubbing of the temples is most effective.
You are very kind.
But I think I will go and lie down.
As hard as it is, we must let you go.
Thank you for your understanding, Count.
Quite the beauty.
I must confess, when I first came to this country I thought I would not like it.
But now, I like it very much! You'll be up against time.
Opening the door turns an hourglass set beside the base of the plinth.
When the sand runs through, a final fail-safe is triggered.
I shouldn't ask but what, exactly? There is a vault behind the back wall containing a vat of molten lead.
It is kept at a constant heat by the kitchen fires.
When the hourglass is empty, the vat is turned, the liquid flows into a series of gutters.
The pipes in the walls! Burning liquid sprays out, covering the entire room.
Anyone inside will not stand a chance.
And yet the coins remain intact because they are harder than the soft lead.
Well, all I'm hearing is arrows, lead, and certain death.
- How long does the hourglass take? - A slow count of eight score and ten.
In a count of 170, you've got to get to the money and get it out.
- Nice of you to join us, Allan.
- Well, I still think you're mad.
- But if you want help - We are mad! We're just sick of robbing merchants in the forest.
- That, we are good at.
- Then we'll work to get better at this.
- We'll meet near the old barn, near Clun.
- What for? To practice.
We are going to build this strong room over there.
Excuse me, can I pass? Orders.
No one passes, not even you.
Sheriff's private room.
Lady Marian? Oh, no.
Let me pass just this once, please.
What's in it for me? Nice gown, very fetching.
- Bit of a new look for you.
- How dare you! Just being friendly.
How about a little kiss? How about a little smack? Excuse me.
- You are an impressive fighter.
- Yes, I know.
And you are also very impressive in many ways.
- Please.
- Are you not glad I came after you? - I made no invitation.
- You feign a headache and retire.
I follow.
This is the way that trysts are made all over the world.
Well, this one is all over, all right.
As of now.
- Gisborne! - We mustn't be found here.
Come, quick.
There should be a guard on that door at all times.
- I'll look into immediately, my lord.
- Wait.
First things first - tomorrow's meeting.
Come here.
I have outlined the division of the money in my strong room.
You will be in charge of making sure our friends the Black Knights get their share.
You wish to strengthen our forces in the south? The share is generous.
Strategy, Gisborne.
The King is most likely to land there on his return.
Besides, there will be plenty of funds in the war chest after our German booby loses tonight.
And we'll make sure he loses big.
- What if Count surprises us and wins? - Wins? That buffoon? "Oh, I feel like I have beaten like ze egg.
" Mincing oaf.
- But you have made provision? - You know me too well, Gisborne.
Of course.
All eventualities have been considered.
Dice that only roll one way - in our favor.
Make sure Marian is with us tonight.
What does he think? That I will not be suspicious of an invitation out of the blue from a Sheriff in Where are we? That I will not do some homework on him? Does he not think that his reputation has not spread to Europe? And you - you are in on this little plan.
It's not the first time I've been offered a girl to distract me.
Let go of me! Do you people think that I am a complete idiot? Yes - which is exactly what you wanted, isn't it? - What do you mean? - Oh, come on.
The way you fight - you are no booby.
I don't think a booby does homework on his hosts.
It suits you to have people think you are an idiot.
It helps, sometimes - people play less cautiously but I am no cheat.
And for what it's worth, I am no lackey of the Sheriff.
So we are both players.
- What will you do? - Do? Leave.
If the Sheriff is loading the dice, I cannot win.
I'll be struck by a sudden illness.
Don't leave.
Help me.
- Help you.
- You heard the Sheriff.
He's using the money to plot against the King.
I have friends who want to relieve him of his money before he distributes it and that'll have to be tonight.
This is a dangerous game.
But you're a player.
The hourglass turns now.
- One - Arrow! two, three, four, five - Oof! - John, no! - Stone! - Not there, John, no.
- Then where? - There! - Stone? He's pit.
- I'm pit! Stop it! Shut up! Lives depend on this.
The wives and families of the dead.
Not to mention what happens if the Sheriff gives out that money.
If we're going to defeat the strong room, then we have to work as a team.
And that means discipline.
What do you think you're doing? - You stay in the castle.
- Believe me, I would rather stay here.
I'm merely doing as I am instructed.
Lady Marian is to ride out with me.
If I do not ride, I might be out of sorts and if I'm out of sorts, I might not play the tables at all tonight.
Very well.
I will provide you with an escort.
Guards! The forest is a very dangerous place.
Sheriff, we are both men of the world, ja? Perhaps alone with nature, out in the forest, Lady Marian might not play so hard to get, hm? No guards.
Don't be late back.
- There is a way, you know.
- A way to what? There is a way to do all the things you need to do and still find love.
You're a troubled soul.
Be patient.
You will prevail.
And you can tell all that by just feeling my face? No, your friend Much was telling me earlier.
Now I am better acquainted with your Sheriff, I understand your admiration for this outlaw.
- It's not just me.
- I didn't mean just you.
I think I would like to take to the woods and fight injustice like your Robin Hood.
What do you think? Why does a potential freedom fighter waste his life gambling? I am a Count.
My life has been managed since the day that I was born.
Tradition, etiquette - all so safe.
I crave danger.
You wouldn't understand.
Don't be so sure.
You know how to find these friends of yours? I'm hoping they're gonna find us.
They already have.
Who's your friend? Count Friedrich Bertrand Otto von Wittersburg from the German duchy of Bavaria.
And your friend.
- This is the Sheriff's guest? - Yes.
- And you trust him to bring him here? - He wants to help us.
- Oh.
- It seems we have a common desire.
We both wish to see the Sheriff broken and humiliated.
- Marian and I - First-name terms.
- Jealous? - Of him? Marian has a proposition.
Robbing the strong room - it has to be tonight.
- Not possible, we're not ready.
- Then don't bother at all.
The Sheriff will divide the money between the Black Knights tomorrow.
After that, the strong room will be empty.
I don't like that look.
That look means trouble.
Robin, it's certain death.
Well, if that money's going to finance weapons and men to kill the King, then we're dead already.
- Kiss me.
- What? Otherwise what will they think we've been doing all this time? Oh! Ahhh! - We have a budding romance after all.
- So it would seem.
Maybe one more? To make it really convincing? Careful.
- Remember the skittles.
- Ah, ja.
He succeeded where you failed, Gisborne.
Come along, money to be made.
You - stop.
I want the Count's goblet filled at all times tonight, do you understand? Go on.
You know what to do.
There - the money you lose tonight goes into that.
It connects directly to the strong room below.
- Now, once it's in there - Ja, ja, I know.
Our outlaw friends will steal it back for me.
It seems unfair.
- I don't like to lose, even on purpose.
- Well, if you win, the Sheriff won't let you leave Nottingham alive.
I was running towards the Great Hall and I tripped and fell and I think I've hurt my ankle - look! Men are so obvious.
Now, play as long as you can.
Take your time.
And then, when we get the signal start losing.
Oh, didn't recognize you.
- What? - Nothing.
- You wanna dress like a girl more often.
- Oh, I do, do I? It's just a thought.
- Count Friedrich.
- Ah! Fortune awaits - good luck.
Lady Marian is my good luck charm for this evening.
You know, Gisborne, I have a new-found respect for our Marian.
Are we to endure this ritual at every turn? Let him lose in his own way.
And if he doesn't we'll switch the dice.
- Oh! - Ah! - I won.
- Throw.
Count Friedrich wins! The Count wins! The Count wins! - Again! - I win! No dogs this time.
- Where's the arrow? - I don't know.
Go on, Will.
Oh! Poison.
That wasn't there before.
They've changed the sequence.
- Then we can't go on.
- It's our only chance.
Our practicing is for nothing.
If we do not try, then England will be lost.
And if we're dead, then that's my England lost.
We go.
All right.
If we die, don't come running to me.
Go on, Will.
John? Ready? Djaq, tell Marian we're in.
Allan, John, keep watch.
Do not take your eyes off that hourglass.
They're in.
Better start losing.
If that's the way he loses, you may need your contingency plan sooner than expected.
We're about even.
It's early yet.
- Don't think about them.
- Marian.
- We have to start losing Time is running out.
- I'm doing my best.
Go on! Watch out! Sheriff, let us make things interesting.
Everything I have against the entire contents of your strong room.
As we say in Bavaria, Das letzte Hemd hat keine Taschen.
You cannot take it with you.
Sheriff, what do you say? It's only money.
I agree.
It's such a momentous game, might I suggest a change of dice? As you wish.
I see.
You see? It's easy once you know how.
For luck.
Ha-ha! The house wins! Hang on.
What's this? - Master, get out of there.
There's no time.
- Oh, Sheriff.
It's another trick.
It's an illusion, an image thrown onto a sheet of glass.
The money is not here.
Lady Marian, you have brought me nothing but back luck.
Your attentions are no longer welcome.
Auf wiedersehen.
Well done, Marian.
Wasn't so hard, was it? No.
It wasn't.
The war chest has doubled in one night.
- Master, get out of there.
- Shh! Yeah.
- What are you doing? Just leave it.
- We've come this far - What's he doing? - Wait! The money is here.
The bags - quickly! Go on, Much.
Give me those! All right, all right! - Marian! - My men have the coach ready.
- Your friends? - If they have succeeded, we'll know soon.
And if they haven't? Look, Master! Why do we leave everything to the last second? Well, I find it's more fun that way.
Come on, let's go.
The strong room? Guards! Help, you men, quickly - the Sheriff is under attack.
Look at you! Be careful.
If I can see your friendship, so may others.
Don't worry.
I crave the danger.
If you are ever in Bavaria, I remain, my lady, your servant, your booby and your friend.
You're funny.
- You are beautiful.
- You are leaving.
My war chest - and the booby's money.
But they can't have done! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! Count Friedrich will take you to the coast.
I cannot thank you enough for your help.
Yes, you can.
The families of the men that died We'll look after them.
You will prevail.
Now, you're sure about your route? Stick to the smaller roads.
The Sheriff will have the main ones covered.
Ah, another bumpy ride.
This country! By the time I get home, I will be scrambled.
Is this your money? Thank you, England is forever in your debt.
Take it - keep it.
- What? - England's debt is to Lady Marian, not me.
Spend it wisely, Robin Hood.
About Marian One gamble I would have given anything to win.
You are a lucky man, Robin Hood.
Work to do.
I'm not being funny but the poor have it easy.
I don't think so, Allan.
This is what we do, lads.
We've turned war chest into poor chest.
Well, come on - we have four more villages before sundown.
I've been thinking - we've never been to Germany.
- No.
- If things don't work out here, then maybe the Count'd have us over there.
Much - Count of Schleswig Holstein.
What's so funny? I can be Count of Shlessy or whatever.
You can't be count of a place you can't pronounce.
- Not necessarily.
- Sovereign of Sherwood, mate, that's you.
Well, that's us, lads.
Sovereigns of Sherwood.