Robot Chicken s11e18 Episode Script

1 It's alive! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it isss that other rattlesnakes know that I'm related to you? Whoa, buddy! Where's your parachute?! I bet my friends 50 bucks that penguins could fly if they were motivated enough, so here goes! That literally makes no sense, and you should wear a parachute because you're wrong.
Didn't you see "Dark Knight Rises"? You're only motivated to achieve the impossible once you take off the training wheels, man.
- Whee! - Aw, not again! Oh, I'm nervous about meeting your family, Mitch.
After all, I'm a Cabbage Patch Kid, and your family is Garbage Pail Kids.
There's nothing to worry about, Babette Jocelyn.
- I love you, so they will, too.
- Oh, my baby boy! And this must be Babette Jocelyn! Come here, you! I'm Mitch's mom, Bloody Mary.
Come meet the rest of the family! This is my hubby, Harry Hemorrhoid.
- Hi, Mitch.
- Acne Amy! Wow! You got so tall! Bring it in here.
Bathroom? Oh, God.
Okay.
Babette, you can do this.
Just breathe.
Outta the way! Get outta the way! Ugh! Whoa! That one's ripe! Hey! You must be Babette! I'm Dia-Rita.
Nice to Ugh.
Meet you.
There you are! Come on.
The rest of the family's waiting to meet you.
That went great! - My family loves you! - I'm so glad.
Oh, Babette, you simply must come back for Thanksgiv I'm sorry.
Are you inked? What? That's just my Xavier Roberts tattoo.
This trollop has tattooed herself - with another man's name! - He's my creator! Are you in a [bleep.]
ing cult?! Get out of my house at once! - Mitch! - Sorry, baby.
My family think tattoos are disgusting, and I do, too, so y-you better go.
I got pussed on for you! Well, looks like I should've got into her pants earlier, right, fam? Fuckin' psoriasis.
Let's see.
Cinderella, you're here for You tried to wear glass shoes.
Honey, men don't give a shit about women's footwear.
Next time, Wear, like, a pair of Air Jordans.
That'll get his attention without the personal harm.
- Those are actually pretty sick.
- I know, right? Okay.
Let's cut those feet off.
All right.
Do you know why I pulled you over? - No, I do not.
- [Bleep.]
Hey.
Look at this Itsy Bitsy ass.
Hey! Where ya goin', Itsy Bitsy?! - [Bleep.]
you! - Eat shit! - [Bleep.]
you! You eat shit! - You eat shit! I'm-a climb up this garden spout, you [bleep.]
ing asshole! - Better not! - Better not, asshole! - It's gonna rain! - [Bleep.]
you! - [Bleep.]
you! - Yeah, [bleep.]
you! I do what I [bleep.]
ing want! - How about that, mother[bleep.]
er? - Ya told that [bleep.]
.
- You told him.
- That [bleep.]
.
Oh, look! Shit [bleep.]
is back.
- Told ya, you [bleep.]
! - Eat shit! - You eat shit! - Eat shit, you [bleep.]
! The [bleep.]
you doin' now? I'm-a climb up this garden spout and [bleep.]
yo' mama! [Bleep.]
in' kill you, you [bleep.]
! These is prison rules, mother[bleep.]
er! Itsy Bitsy bitch! Oh, no, dear Agnarr, we're dead! Oh, it pains me that our children, Anna and Elsa, must grow up without us.
Oh, they'll be fine.
Dead parents build character.
Yeah, our little Tarzan was raised by gorillas after we were murdered by a leopard, and he turned out great.
Ah.
New dead parents.
You are just in time for tonight's Heaven rave! Ooh! What's a rave? Oh, this is better than any ball in Arendelle.
I feel so free! Ow! Ow! Let it go, baby! Here comes the dump truck.
I say this pixie dust is quite different than the snow we're used to back home.
Hey! Can I get some down here? I didn't get eaten by a barracuda for nothing! Whoo-oo! Who wants to butt-chug some Dole Whip?! Whoo! - I hope they're in a better place.
- Me too, Anna.
Me too.
- I just did my first butt chug! - Being a dead parent rules! Barbie, I must go.
I can't do this anymore.
- Why, Ken? Why?! - I'm Butterfly Prince Ken.
I must go be with my people.
Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap Look, Bell, I don't condone bestiality, but the fact of the matter is if you [bleep.]
a dog, you're going to get a yeast infection.
Welcome, viewers! I am Dexter, boy genius! Today I present to you an extraordinary invention! This is the Mom Droid, a revolutionary new robot who does anything a mom can do.
Now let's go to the phones.
Hello, Gil.
You're on the air.
Uh, yes.
Hello.
First-time caller, longtime listener.
Is she fully functional? Yes.
Of course.
She can cook and clean.
Mom Droid, make an omelette du fromage.
Okay.
Cool.
Um, but how many, uh, thrusts will you get? - Thrusts? - How intensely does she vibrate? If she is vibrating, something is wrong.
That means she is broken, you idiot.
Okay.
But is it easy to clean up, you know, afterwards? Mom Droid, clean the kitchen.
Awesome.
I'll take one for sure.
Excellent! Let's take another caller.
Okay.
Schlomo, you're on the air.
Uh, she looks very real.
Um, does she feel real? She feels like your mother.
Okay.
Cool.
How big are the holes? I'm very large.
She can burn holes into anything with her laser eyes.
Mom Droid, blast that trash! Um, I'll buy one, I guess.
And who does not want the Mom Droid? Hello, Larb.
You're on the air.
Uh, I got a question about the [bleep.]
sleeve.
- Is it porous? - I-I'm sorry.
We gotta shut this down.
What?! We're making beaucoup bucks! Yeah, kid, we're not licensed to sell adult toys at 4:00 in the afternoon! She's not a toy! I designed her to look like my real mother.
Come on out, Mom, and say hello.
Ugh.
Go to the Lisa Rinna Duster Cardigans! April 1st?! The Day of Fools! I pity the fool who participates in April Fools' Day! There are too many fools to pity on this day! How about this? Mr.
T gonna start his day.
Ha ha! Hm.
Time to check Mr.
T's e-mail.
Ah.
Look at this here.
My friend Gary just e-mailed me a link to a new children's charity.
Oh! It's a fool's giant ding-a-ling! I hate this day! I'm now a fool I pity.
I pity me Mr.
T! Running a summer camp for kittens seemed like the perfect business venture.
- Oh, they're so cute! - And the best part is Jason Voorhees should leave us alone this year since he didn't suffer any childhood psychological trauma - related to kittens.
- That we know of.
- But little did they know - Teenagers are filthy, Jason! Greasy hormones spewing all over the place! They must be punished! Okay.
This teenager's a [bleep.]
ing dork.
Next window.
Aah! Sluts! Kitten sluts! Somewhere along the way, these movies stopped being shocking, but we're pretty sure we're onto something here.
- Ha ha! Welcome to my house.
- Why is it full of sick kids? Oh, that's not your thing? What What What's your thing? - Sexy clowns.
Mm! - Alright.
Well, that that checks out.
Well, h-help me wheel them out onto the lawn.
The sprinklers don't kick on for another 20 minutes.
Why do you smell like Mommy's acid-washed jean jacket when she comes home from the Morongo Casino, Resort & Spa? Good times! Shut the [bleep.]
up and go back to sleep! I'm gonna Yeah.
This is creepy.
Bye.
W-Where are you going?! Come on.
Where you go Ugh.
Okay.
Your chart says you sold your soul to hook up with a dude you met in a shipwreck, and now you can't talk.
Kids will do anything to get to bone town these days, huh? Now, say, "Ahh.
" Say, "Ahh.
" Can you do that? Oh, right.
Right.
Sorry.
It's been a very long day.
Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.
- I don't see him! - Ha! I knew he wouldn't do it.
- Give me all your money, penguins! - Oh, no! I can't fly! Splat! - Wow! He saved us! - Just like Batman! So, uh, what? We ding his estate for the 50 bucks? Yeah.
Let's go confront his widow.