Run the Burbs (2022) s01e09 Episode Script

Li Xi

1 Okay, Mom.
I love you.
So how are your parents? Well, I told them we weren't going to go to Calgary for Tết this year, and they said they'd come here instead.
What?! For Lunar New Year? That's a first.
But exciting! Well, apparently they have "news.
" Is news bad? When I was a kid, they told Carol and I they had "news," got us to get dressed up.
I didn't know what was happening until I saw my uncle's open casket.
Oh, is that the funeral birthday? I thought it was a surprise party! I came in poppin' and lockin'.
It did not go over well.
Maybe you're about to werewolf up for the first time and they want to support you.
Huh, yeah Teen Wolf, good one.
- Hey, babe? - Huh? What are you doing? Oh, just getting in the mood for Tết.
You feeling this jam, Pham? This is a Vietnamese love song.
You can't turn this into a bump 'n grind.
Watch me.
Eh-eh! Ooh! Yeah, my Vietnamese isn't 100%, but I think he's singing about his lover being pulled out to sea by an electric eel.
- It's really sad! - Seriously? Oh, that is sad.
How does it look? Like we're giving Paris by Night a run for its money.
Perfect! Did you put the kids' report cards on display? Yes, the good ones.
Babe, it's gonna be fine.
Yeah, it's good.
It's fine.
Oh my God, I'm so nervous.
Do they want me to take over the window company? Is it a health thing? Is one of them dying? Maybe you have a new baby brother or sister on the way.
- Why would you say that? - Relax.
- It'll be fine, or not.
- Hello? - I've got you either way.
- Anyone home? Hi! The fun has arrived! My boy! Oh, Mom! You both look incredible.
Ong Noi, you been working out? Oh, you know, rock and roll lifestyle.
He's eating more bananas, less rice.
And my Vietnamese stick workout.
Okay, Donnie Yen.
Oh, you brought a ladder.
You say you needed to change some bulbs.
So you brought a whole ladder? On a plane? How? That's okay, they know me.
Who knows you? The airline? The pilot? You two are getting so big.
- Thanks, Ba Noi! - I'll take that.
Yo! You brought spring rolls? One cooler of cha giò for Andrew, but also one for the whole neighbourhood! Yeah, I don't like how you worded that.
How'd you get all this through security? I give them some when they stop me.
Everyone loves my spring rolls.
Yeah, I don't think that's why they stop you.
Oh! Banh mi and chao tom! My gout is gonna be out of control! Good thing we have a deep freeze for all that.
- So, pace yourself.
- Mmm.
- Chai? - Yes, please.
So what's the news? - We sold the company.
- We're retired! Congratulations! Really? That's amazing! Mom got above asking.
She is a shark.
You know, Andrew has some news of his own.
You finally have a job? Well, yeah.
Wait, I have a job.
I'm a dad, you know this, Mom.
I'm a dad, and I had a job.
Tell them.
I'm back in school.
To become a doctor? No, I'm finishing my degree in community development.
Not a doctor, but still great news.
Proud of you, son.
How come you packed so much for only ba ngay? You didn't bring your own stick? That's why stick workout is so good.
Sticks everywhere.
Looking good, Dad.
What do you mean? If you're free, let's hang out.
- With each other? - Yeah.
Like, really? Like, me and you? I'm retired, I want to spend time with my boy.
Okay! Ah, my friends are getting bubble tea.
We could join them! Rock and roll.
Yes, I told your sister first.
We went hiking last week.
I have so much time now.
Oh, we've gotta work on your selfie game, ba.
- Who is Angela? - What do you mean? - Who just messaged you? - Okay.
I'm gonna take a shower.
Wash off my flight.
Rock and roll.
Dad and Bac Carol used to do this.
They were just as cute as you two.
So we just give spring rolls to our neighbours, Ba Noi? It's nice to share good luck for Tết.
Take these too.
I love Tết so hard.
Spring rolls and cash, baby! Just like your dad, but you're gonna get a job, right? I'm gonna be a dance doctor.
Good boy.
Doctors make good money.
- Dance doctors don't exist.
- They don't exist yet.
- I miss you kids so much! - Ah-huh, yeah.
I've missed you too, Ba Noi.
I mean, why deal with the hassle of three bottles when I can just get a whole box.
- Plus, you can stack it.
- Exactly.
Oh, Camille, the kids are the best.
They're pretty great, aren't they? Ah, this is my friend and business partner, Sam.
This is Linh, Andrew's mom.
Aww, partners.
Linh, it is a pleasure.
I just have to ask, did Andrew's giant head just wreck you downtown when he was born? - Sam! - I had a C-section.
Head too big! Sam is helping me share tonight's dinner on my socials.
Andrew told me you tried catering.
Yeah, that didn't go very well.
But it inspired some new ideas.
Nothing is going to stop my girl, she is a beast in the kitchen.
Is my daughter-in-law a shark? Oh, a total shark.
I want to make my mom's recipes the way they were intended.
Small, intimate dinners.
We think there's a market for it.
Food market is very tough.
What is your plan? Intimate dinners.
That's the idea, but what is the plan? Intimate dinners.
Maybe you need more business partners.
You can pitch me something.
I'm looking to invest.
Why do you have so much cash? And why foreign currency? Because I am a shark.
That woman is my hero.
So are we looking for more business partners? Hell yeah! - Shark sisters.
- Ooh.
- Hey-oh! - Hey! - Babe? - Oh, I'll be right back.
Do my parents seem cool to you? They seem great.
Yeah, it's weird though, right? My dad wants to hang out with me, and my mom's only dropped, like, two passive-aggressive comments so far.
Maybe retirement has changed them.
I guess.
Oh, by the way, Sam and I are pitching your mom my idea to do intimate dinner parties.
You're pitching my mom a business idea? What's the plan? - I just told you.
- No, you told me the idea.
But what's the plan? I'm having déjà vu right now.
My mom is really intense when it comes to business stuff.
But your mom loves my food.
Your mother-in-law loves your food.
Linh, the business shark, only cares about cash.
Just be careful.
And maintain constant eye contact.
She thinks a lack of eye contact is a sign of weakness.
Very good.
Okay, stop it.
You're being creepy.
- Hey, Sebastian.
- Oh, hey.
Uh, you kids okay? This isn't one of those emergency contact situations, is it? We're fine, we're just giving out treats for Lunar New Year.
Happy Tết, Sebastian.
Uh, yeah, I'm feeling pretty happy, I guess.
Thanks for the envelope.
Tết is Vietnamese new year.
The red envelope is li xi, and there's lucky money inside.
- From our grandma.
- Oh, sweet! Five dollars! I love Tết.
Here you go.
Uh, what's going on here.
It's a gift, there's cooking instructions inside.
- It's spring rolls.
- Right.
Yeah, spring rolls.
Is that what they call it now? Do your parents know about this? Yeah, my dad did it when he was my age.
- Happy Tết.
- Yeah.
- Happy Tết.
- See you later, Sebastian.
On his first trip to Vietnam, he spent most of it in the bathroom.
Part of me died on that toilet.
Who wants some more treats? On me.
- Yeah! - I'll take some.
I love me those little Andy stories.
What's going on, man? Something weird happened, and it's probably nothing, but I saw my dad get a text from someone named Angela saying she couldn't wait to see him again.
Cheating! He's a cheater! I'm sorry, but the same thing happened with Lisa.
I saw a text once, from Claude.
I say, "who's Claude?" "Oh, it's just some guy from yoga.
" Nope! Next thing I know, he steals my wife, he ruins my life Breathe, baby, breathe.
I'm good.
But I think he's got a point, Andy.
Secret texts lead to secret lives.
I mean mmm.
I could tell you some stories.
I mean, I won't.
But I could.
My dad wouldn't do that.
Eh I shouldn't.
It might be important though.
Cynthia? What happened to Angela? Hello? It's a realtor, he bought a condo? Sex condo! Ahh what does my wife think of this? Cynthia thought she wasn't supposed to tell my mom! - Oh, no - Thank you.
Uh, please feel free to call me back and tell me all the same information again.
Okay, rock and roll.
I told you, sex condo.
Yeah, I mean, my money is on secret second family.
Don't tell your we had so many treats before dinner.
Oh, so we're keeping secrets together now? I feel good about this.
- Okay, so let's break it down.
- Breaking it.
- You want to quit hr.
- I want to cook.
When Andrew went back to school, that didn't stop me from wanting to make my own change.
I just thought I would take my time, find cooking jobs, and then set aside money slowly.
Right, so what is the investment for? So I can speed things up and follow my dreams and what is the deep down, "who cares about money" dream? Well, I want to make my own recipes and share my food.
What's with this little hot mess over here? Oh, that's my mom's cookbook, I've just been adding to it, updating it, kinda making it my own.
Camille this is it! You do local dinners, grow your social media, continue to build an audience So I can write a cookbook? Oh yeah.
Camille Pham, cookbook author! - Oh, you look good.
- Does it look good like this? Yeah, do you want What about that? Okay, now I'm hungry.
Spring rolls! Spring rolls! Spring rolls! Spring rolls! - Hey, Sebastian.
- Hey.
So I opened up that package, and, weird, but there were actually spring rolls in there, and uh - Yeah? - Then I ate a bunch, and they were really good, so then I ate the rest.
And now they're gone.
And, uh, anyways, do you have anymore? - We're fresh out.
- Yeah.
I'll pay.
Like I'll pay.
Happy Tết.
He'd pay? You know, we could pull a few packs from Dad's stash.
- Yeah.
- Let's go! This place is great.
And your friends love my stories.
So, what's next? Maybe you want to try the stick workout? You have two brooms? You answered my private cellular phone? - Speak English! - I know you bought a sex condo! What's a sex condo? A condo where you have sex.
That could be any condo.
Ba, what's going on? I should be the one storming off! So really it's a three-pronged approach.
Prong one, I cook small, family-sized meals for people in the community.
We're talking fancy, high-end, expensive dinners.
Prong two, we document everything.
We collect photos and stories of what it's like sharing the food I grew up on with friends and family.
We throw all that sentimental crap up on the socials, and we grow that audience.
Prong three, I put it all together in a cookbook with the final recipes.
People love to feel things while they cook.
Your investment would be seed money for the cookbook.
Look, we know Camille's cooking sells itself.
We just have to get the word out there.
We need to build a brand.
I'm in.
Really? - Yes.
- Na-na-na-na-na-na! Stop dancing! - Sit down.
- Yeah.
You don't sell a book.
First time book don't make money.
Uh uh, so what are you in for? You have social media.
We use it.
Yeah, but I really want to cook my own recipes.
I mean, that's kind of the whole point, my own real cookbook.
Daily uploads.
Sell and promote on the side, easy.
Right easy.
And then we split it 50/50.
Holy crap, it's happening.
Only two fifties in 50/50.
We don't need your friend.
Well, maybe we don't need you.
Did you ever think about that? I'm I'm just kidding.
Please take me with you.
Okay, um If you need me, I'll just be wherever I left my wine.
Don't be sad, I'm your best friend now.
Don't your eyes get dry from not blinking? No.
Sam, I'm sorry, let's talk about this.
Cam, you have to do it, it's your dream.
You don't need me.
That's not really my dream, though.
Just admit it! There's nothing to admit! - Andrew, what's happening? - Nothing.
My boys! How was your hangout time? It was fine.
Don't say anything about what? - Are you okay? - Andrew is fine, right? - What? - My dad's cheating on my mom.
I don't know.
Dad's buying a secret sex condo! It's not secret! I bought a condo as a Tết surprise to the family.
This way we can visit more, stay longer, without being in the way.
You can see our cháu nôi more often.
Oww! I'm sorry! That explains the condo.
But what about Angela? I saw a text.
How do you know about Angela? Your mom is Angela.
Huh? A little fun play.
Who's the Boss? Ugh.
I'm Tony.
Oh, that's okay.
Crap, I'll be right back.
You already bought three packs! No, that was someone else! This is my first time! Gimme the spring rolls! - What's wrong? - Dad! We're sorry! We did not mean for this to get out of control.
Are you selling spring rolls?! Well, after we handed them out, everybody wanted more, and people were willing to pay.
That's the power of Ba Noi's spring rolls.
Sorry we sold your stash.
You sold my spring rolls?! Stop! You two, inside the house now.
- Yeah.
- Everyone else here, go home! No more spring rolls! If you want spring rolls, go support a Vietnamese restaurant.
Come on.
I got another pack inside.
I'm so cold Yeah, so I just wanted to apologize.
Uh, I kind of ruined Tết.
Dad, I ruined your surprise, and I ruined our day together.
I'm sorry we sold all your spring rolls.
We did make a bunch of money.
But I'm sorry too.
I'm sorry too.
Sam, I should have said no to the deal right away.
- What? - When I do this, I want it to be all about the food.
And I want to do it with Sam.
I'm sorry too.
Because I drank most of the boxed wine and I didn't even share it.
Sorry I ate five packages of these spring rolls.
- I'm sorry, too.
- Why? Because it took this long to have time for you.
I'm sorry.
I was a shark.
Camille, you're a great cook.
You have passion and talent, and a good partner.
- Aww, thank you.
- Oh, thank you.
A toast.
It's Tết, and I am happy to celebrate today with our friends and our family.
Looking forward to this delicious meal all thanks to my talented wife, and spending more time with you, Mom and Dad.
Chuc mung nam noi! Happy New Year! Okay, who wants more spring rolls? - Oh yeah! - Me! Still hot.
Come on.
Yes please, yes please! Get that train down here.
Oh, awesome.
Thanks, guys.
I made my bet! I made my bet! Oh! Your parents settle into the basement okay? What's wrong? What happened? - I just - What?! I just heard the theme song to Who's the Boss - from the basement.
- Oh - Was that the - Air mattress.
Don't worry about it! Don't come down here.
Don't need to come fix the bed.
- Is that helping? - No.
Just made it louder.

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