Samantha! (2018) s01e03 Episode Script

Episode 3

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Canoe Beers, Berenice Ketchup, and Slim-Diet, it actually works, present Caged Kids! With Lenny K and the judges Leon, Soraya, and the special guest, no, she didn't die, Samantha! Caged Kids! Today on Caged Kids, the theme is "The 80s".
And our guest judge is Samantha! Kids! Dodoi was a brilliant soccer player, inventor of the famous "Scorpion Kick.
" But life had other plans for him.
Today he is obese, sloppy, living at the expense of his wife.
What is this? He's a little out of shape, but we're already working on it.
Kids! Brandon is Samantha's son.
He's eight years old and is already writing his first novel! It's my biography, OK? Kids! Let's talk to Samantha's daughter, - Cyntia.
- Cindy.
Hi, Cyntia! How are you? Are you going to follow in mommy's footsteps and become a star, dear? We don't need another girl humiliating herself on TV.
Kids! The important thing is that you're free.
I'm free and ready for new challenges.
I'm even trying out for a new team, because soccer is my thing and I have to put food on the table.
Kids! What about you, babe? Are you ready to choose the next Samantha? I'm ready to show Brazil that there's only one Samantha! Caged Kids! Careful spider! Stay! Cutie! Congrats, dear! Success! Your innocence and purity are your greatest talents.
- We want blood! - Go home, you goody-goody! Go home, Samantha! Look at that, very motherly, Samantha! All right! - Speak, Leon! - I will.
First, these lyrics irritate me and have always irritated me.
Go on, Leon! "A cold that burns like fire?" For God's sake, what does that mean? And this outfit? Right, Soraya? Look at her outfit! You should've asked your mother, she'd have told you: "It's awful!".
Actually, I don't have a mother.
I was abandoned in a dumpster and grew up in an orphanage.
It's great that you understand rejection, darling, because here in showbiz no one will feel sorry for you! - Thanks! - No biggie.
Wow, this show is barbaric.
People love to see kids being destroyed.
The audience went wild when Leon trashed that little girl.
Yeah, I heard.
It was horrible.
Yeah, but I can be a lot worse.
Of course I can.
If the audience wants blood, that's what I'll give them.
You heard when Lenny said I could get my own show, right? - She never said that.
- Not with those exact words, Dodoi.
I heard when she talked about your weight.
You talked about that! If you want to play soccer again, you have to make sacrifices.
Listen, where's the Dodoi I knew, who took care of himself, was handsome? I miss him, you know? - I'm still here.
- That's a rhetorical question, OK? Look, I'm not a groupie who's impressed with the past and likes retrospectives.
- Dodoi! Can I take a picture? - Yeah.
Thanks! What time does this end? Where's your sister? She said she was going to destroy the system from the inside.
What? That's weird.
Marcinho is here.
Go inside, find Cindy and get us out of here.
OK? This place isn't for kids.
What's up with putting kids on TV? OK.
Lower your voice, I'm kind of "banned" from this studio.
I had a rather complicated past with a judge but that's all I can say.
For God's sake, no names! It's Soraya, all right? I knew that faking an abduction would cause trouble.
- Where is that written? - Who's Soraya? Dad, she's the star of Slim-Diet.
Dodoi, a photo of you in a bathing suit has been leaked.
Now the team is reconsidering if it's a good idea to hire an obese athlete.
But Marcinho, I weigh exactly 75 kilos.
Jump on.
This thing is broken.
You want to play the idiot in front of the crowd? Want to get a stupid nickname, like "Fatdoi"? Want a humiliating chant? What's that belly? OK, Marcinho.
Enough! I'm doing my best.
Brandon can back me up.
The fans will get it, trust me.
I trust you 100%.
But, damn it, I'm just not enough, you know? Kid, come here.
- Want a cigarette? - No.
Here's the thing.
I need you to get your dad to lose a few kilos, OK? I don't have to do anything.
- I'll get you a show on television.
- Dodoi, 100 sit-ups! - I want a publisher.
- No one reads anymore.
Look where you are! The symbol of the golden era of Brazilian television.
- OK, but the internet - What? Internet is over! Look! See that woman? The Midas of television, turns trash into emeralds.
Your dad has to have sex with her.
It's her! My God, it's her! - So beautiful! Valentina! - What was that? Valentina! You are so pretty! Easy, girls.
- Did you see her makeup? - I'll set you free.
Caged Kids! Our next candidate is Valentina Vitoria.
Valentina does jazz, Spanish ballet, underwater fishing, Gregorian chant, and still plays harp in her spare time People with resumes like that are the worst.
Who will it be? Who'll be the next Samantha? My priority is school, but I try to make the most of my time.
Anything incredible you've done outside here, it doesn't count.
The show happens here, live.
With blood, sweat and tears! Let's see if your mascara is waterproof.
I don't care if I look dumb I won't tell you my do's and dont's I roll my eyes as I lose count Beautiful.
You're not a contestant, are you? Make space.
Who said I'm not a contestant? I can be whatever I want.
I'm going to use fame the right way.
Then run into the dressing room, you need it.
mad! Wonderful! Valentina Vitoria not only sang, but charmed us all, folks.
Now it's time for the judges.
Tell us, Soraya! If I had your voice, I'd have happily died when I overdosed at the age of 27.
It's a yes! Yes! I'm sorry, but you're not going to be the next Samantha.
You really won't.
Do you know why? Because you are way better than Samantha! It's a yes! Remember that if Valentina Vitoria, such an incredible name, earns three "yeses" from our judges, she goes straight to the finale with the surprise contestant from the audience! What? Samantha? If no one's going to tell her the truth, no problem, I will.
My love, your performance had no truth to it.
And there's more, this song is meant to be sung by a mature, experienced woman.
And just another little thing.
I hate sea-green! Samantha! Samantha! Caged Kids! Who is this flower bud blooming right in front of me? What's your name? Cindy.
How refreshing! How long is it since I've seen a little thing like this? Is it Cindy for Cinderella? No, it's Cindy for Cindy.
But now you're going to be Cinderella because I will be your fairy godmother and you're going to be my princess.
You psychopath! - Watch out, girl! - Sorry! Look what you did! FECES IS LIFE What a beautiful shirt.
Thanks! It's from my campaign.
You want one? Better not! Did you see that Samantha gave me a "no"? She knows you're perfect.
She told me she wanted to have a daughter just like you! Come on, I want you back in shape like when you played for Flamingo.
It's Flamengo! Some water, please! Water bloats.
Show me some respect, I'm your dad.
I'll ground you.
You don't know how to ground us.
Last time you told us to sit still for half an hour.
- So what? - We were in front of the TV.
Give it to me, kid.
So, that's why you worked so hard? To get loaded with water? Brandon, we need to have a little chat.
You know what would happen if I was like this to my father? All right.
You're totally right, sorry.
We need a faster method.
Slim-Diet will eliminate all the extra weight in your body.
And you know what? It will eliminate much more! Use Slim-Diet and you'll feel like you're in a dream! Feel silly during the day, why feel sad? Slim-Diet.
Run to the drugstore while it's still legal! Do you trust me? Does it really work, Soraya? - Of course it does! - How many do I have to take a day? - Eight.
- You're messing up the script.
Every judge has a clear role.
We all know I'm the "evil queen," Soraya is the "mother figure," and you're the "cute vocation co-worker".
I'm nobody's co-worker, Leon, and much less cute.
You think Soraya is motherly? Of course I'm motherly! I take medication for that.
This woman here answered to three murders and, damn it, I'm not gay! What's up, Leon? You think I'm going to take your place? I don't want to be a judge, baby! I have enough talent to have my own show.
This one has been in need of a new face for a while.
Your face hasn't been new in 20 years, sweetie.
Shame on you! Listen, you thug: either stop playing the villain or you'll never set foot in this network ever again.
Not even to do commercials.
And Slim-diet really works, OK? - Mom! - Hey! "Mom"? She's your daughter? So different to you! I like her.
My princess! I'm not your princess! Mom, look what they did to me! Cindy! They're waxing your upper lip! Soraya, it looks great! I always tell her I started doing mine when I was six.
- You look beautiful.
- This mouse is my Cinderella! Go, go, before it's midnight! - Go on, pumpkin! - Cindy doesn't care about her look.
She's the smart one, right, my love? Say something.
Go fix this, because it's no good.
I was like her when I was little.
Timid, rarely said anything.
Can you make me look like the other girls? - Brandon, no.
- You said you wanted to play soccer again.
Because I wanted to be an example for you guys.
But if we have to break in Samantha made me fake an epileptic seizure! Relax.
ENTRY PROHIBITED Hey, boy, I'm your father.
I'm worried about me! - Your mom is going to kill me.
- Relax, it's OK! Look how cute! Calm down.
These little ones are bloodthirsty.
Give him your hand to bite and I'll grab the purse! Once Flamengo, always Flamengo! Flamengo I will always be A Bible, hairspray, a crystal, three mushrooms, and a gun.
Do you want to screw me over? I have a police record.
Found it! Didn't I tell you? Samantha will be proud if you stay in shape.
- Here! - If she leaves me alone Cages Kids! Here we go! Honey, your voice is good, but, before you learn to sing, you should learn how to talk! Diction! Diction! I know why your diction is so bad, my love! There's a live cat trapped inside your mouth screaming desperately to get out.
Want me to commit suicide? Wear sequins, at least! What's this outfit? What clothes Soraya, what is that? Yes! Yes! Your dad sold his restaurant to invest in your career? Honey, get him to buy it back! At least while you sing, everyone can eat ribs, right? You think you're the hottest thing, Samantha? This arrogance of yours is what will bring you down.
It's always brought you down.
BATHROOM Brandon, get your mom! I don't think I'll make it.
She's in the middle of the show.
She told us not to bother her.
I'm dying! This might be the last time she sees me alive.
There's stuff coming out of me that I don't think should come out.
That's good for us! Organs are heavy! There's no more toilet paper! Where are you? - Oh, love! - Samantha! I'm glad I found you Honey, are you watching it all? Do you like it? Am I too evil? Tell me! No, not evil at all, you're really sweet! What do you mean by "sweet", Brandon? I made a 4 year old faint.
The audience went wild.
Everybody loves you around here.
You know what I need to do, son? Follow your heart? Exactly.
- Be even worse.
- Mom, so Dodoi Caged Kids! And for today's semifinal, let's call the audience's most beloved candidate, and the favorite of our judges as well.
She's on fire! Valentina Vitoria! What I feel Samantha! Finally! It's me, Dad.
Mom was super worried.
She wanted to stop the show, but they wouldn't let her.
Call Marcinho.
He'll get us out of here! All right.
Marcinho? So, is Dodoi slimmer yet? I want to see that belly! I have good news, OK? When they sign Dodoi, they'll broadcast his comeback live, they'll have a firetruck with weighing scales on top.
He'll come up on the scale, to put an end to this damn rumor that he's fat.
Where are you, kid? This story has a part In which we date Speak, Soraya! What a dream! This girl is a dream! Of course it's a yes! Yes! Girl, I couldn't find any flaws, But if I find one, I'll call you.
It's a yes! You're above average here, Valentina.
But I, who has been successful for more than 30 years, can say that the average here is very low.
I really think that you can try harder.
No, no and no.
I'm leaving! I can't stand being humiliated by this woman.
No, no and no! Valentina what I said was not personal, OK? I said it with your own wellbeing in mind, 100%.
OK, 57%.
But I really don't believe, Valentina, that anybody improves with praise.
And I know you can be better.
Better? I'm not good, Samantha, I'm fucking awesome.
And do you really think I'd cry because of a former child star from 150 years ago? And by the way, thanks! Nothing works better than being wronged on live TV.
Brazilians love it! Who is Samantha compared to 130 million Brazilians that love me? I'll stay until the end! - Who's there? - It's Lenny! Lenny! Gorgeous! Come here! You know that woman, the "guest"? You have to get her off the show.
Now! Lenny, she wants to steal my spot! No way! Samantha stays.
You're not Lenny! You're not Lenny! You're not even a girl! Come here! Lenny! No, ma'am, I'm just checking if you're OK.
We received a complaint that Marcinho is around here.
Where? Where's Marcinho? I could kill him! Where's my gun? Soraya, a word of advice! Don't go in that bathroom, all right? Why not? Of course I can! I'm not wearing diapers.
Of course I can go in! Come! If you could please not tell anyone that I called you "Daddy", I'd appreciate it.
It's cool.
But if you want to keep calling me that, you can! Of course, when no one is around, OK? Buddies! Son, I played for Flamengo.
It was the biggest thrill you can imagine.
Brazil shouting my name, "Dodoi!" It was really nice, you know? I did want to play soccer again, but not for a 2nd-division team.
Even less so for a shitty team that keeps calling you fat and old! Dad, if you've been doing this for us, I don't even like soccer.
And Cindy already likes you! That's right.
Wait Cindy? Hi, honey! You look really What have they done to you? I know.
Thanks, Dad.
This is you destroying the system? Kind of late, isn't it? - No, it's just - The show is almost over.
They always choose some poor audience member to compete against the one that's winning.
It's so funny! Wait is that you? If you don't want to go, you don't have to.
By the way, let's agree that we don't have to prove anything to anyone.
They'll crush you.
But Mom is one of the judges! Exactly! - Dad, don't I look pretty? - Honey, you're beautiful! Beautiful, right? Honey, there was one time that daddy's team was losing and I was on the bench.
They gave me a yellow card, I was wounded, drunk, get it? But the coach told me to get on the pitch and play.
- And you won? - We lost 5-0! But that doesn't matter.
What matters is that I did my best, understand? OK? Let's go, funny girl! It's your turn.
Go on.
But take off that Just go! Caged Kids! And now, for our final duel, we welcome Valentina Vitoria! And our surprise contestant, picked from this wonderful audience by our judges! You're going to love who I chose.
And now, who will be the next Samantha? It was a multicolored disc A flying saucer So bright A beautiful sight And with you, Cynthia! Its velocity was Impressive Buzzing, lightening Oh yeah! Floating away The infinite traveler appeared If you push this button, you'll eliminate your daughter too, OK? And we asked him what is endless anyway Telepathically here's what he said It's all of us It's time to know We're not alone This world Who is the new girl? She's good, right? This world is a gift He said that space is like a hug And together we created The Plimplom Gang ELIMINATED I never left a show like this.
At school, when you lose, at least you get a consolation prize.
Your mom didn't lose, she was kicked out.
Didn't you see the security guards? Thanks, Dodoi.
Weren't you on a diet? I'll never wax my upper lip again.
Some people overreact! Come here! - Did you tell Marcinho what happened? - I did.
I can't do it anymore.
I'm not going to play soccer again.
Yeah, yeah.
I can't believe I got kicked off that dumb show.
Cindy says no one watches TV anymore.
Everyone's talking about it.
But you know what? You're right.
Who cares? Wait, Dodoi.
Calm down, I'm gonna get in shape.
No, that has nothing to do with it.
That's not the problem.
You know what I want to tell you? If you think time has passed for you and you don't want to play anymore, OK.
You still have to find something to do.
What's with that frown? It's the usual, Dodoi.
When the world wants to bring you down, what do you do? You gotta rise up! Always sneaking away, Samantha.
I don't sneak away, I move to Paris! This swimming-pool blue room I feel the feminine strength Get ready for the bite Before you notice me I'm an Dear Fol-lovers, today I witnessed the euthanasia of my boyfriend's cat.
I'm no longer the same.
Here, a new Laila is born: no makeup, no filters.
Now I'm myself.
That's the theme of this week's video: #TrueToYourself.
The winner gets a date with their inner self.
Subtitle translation by Leticia Bianco