Samantha! (2018) s02e01 Episode Script

Season 2, Episode 1

1 A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES [drumming solo] [Ciggy] Samantha! [bell rings] - [man over PA] Plimploms to the stage.
- [older girl] You're so cute! [older girl] Oh, come back! Jefferson [crowd cheers] I want you to focus on me, got it? Focus on me.
- Get a close-up of me.
A close-up of me.
- [bell rings] - [man shouts] - [children cheer] [Ciggy] Everybody jumping! [crowd shouts and screams] [cheering] [female assistant] Go! Look excited.
Go! - Three, two, one - [male assistant] Music! [80s pop music plays] - What will you be? - Beats me! What will you be When you grow up? Space traveler or gunslinger? Police officer or trickster? Just wait and see! Cake decorator or contractor? Street seller or baker? Socialist or financial investor? [Samantha] I'll have a lot of money! And I will forever be This girl from TV Always your good friend Who will never grow up What will you be? I will be Samantha until I die What will you be? I will be WHEN I GROW UP Stop the music! [music stops] - [Ciggy] What's wrong, princess? - What now, Samantha? I'm not singing this.
- What will people think? - Kids don't think.
I have the right to grow up too.
I don't want to be a kid forever.
[silent] [Ciggy stammers] Uh, uh Samantha, dear, you have something that everyone already loves.
Look around.
You don't need to be anything else.
Just be the amazing kid that you are forever.
So? I'm ready.
But not to sing this crap! - [Ciggy] Don't! - [everyone gasps] I won't grow up! Tico and Porky must understand.
I haven't changed in 35 years! Cruel, spoiled.
[actress] Envying Porky's talent and denying my sexual attraction to Tico! [laughing] Cut! Why are you laughing? Our book is called Samonster: The Kid who Killed the Child in Me.
[Tico] It's about the emotional torture we suffered in her hands.
Now it's a movie, everyone will know that the one who hasn't grown up [chuckles]is her.
[laughs] It's not a comedy.
It's a drama.
Tico Tico! She's laughing at us! [Tico] Is she? It's good for the part.
- No? - Nope.
- Next! - Next! SAMONSTER - Please, Tico, you need to love me! - [Porky] Next! - The only thing that grew No.
- [Tico] Next! - I'm never growing up! - [Porky] Next! They are like sheep, naive and pure.
[Tico and Porky] Next! "It's a great pleasure and a great honor to be here with other businessmen from the beverage industry.
" [laughing contentedly] Wait! You're not riding in this car, Dodoi.
- [Dodoi] There's another car for me? - No.
I don't mind going with the other businessmen.
Otherwise, they'll think our drink is better.
They won't.
Have you tried our Catuaba? That's your car.
With the soda guy? With the mascots.
Where's your pleasant smile? You're going there to take pictures.
Oh, oh Marcinho, I'm a businessman.
- I thought I was going to - Sponsor women's soccer? Dodoi, leave business to the pros.
People want the cheerful, tipsy oddball! The good old Dodoi! Now zero calories, because childhood obesity is no joke.
I never authorized this picture.
You don't have to.
Business is dynamic! I can't ask you for permission every time.
- I'm missing a tooth there! - That's humor, Dodoi! My image is not supposed to be funny.
I own it! You own 30%.
The rest is mine.
I mean, the company's.
Read contracts before signing.
Change his clothes! Hey, easy there! [giggling] I'm ticklish! Take it easy.
[Dodoi remonstrates] FLIRTY SODA What about that speech? Wasn't I going to speak? Sure.
You're giving away a cruise trip for old people.
[Marcinho] Let's go.
[Marcinho] Hey, brunette! Weren't you blond? I dyed it for a movie audition today.
A horrible, childish brunette.
- She even wears a crown.
- An audition? Are they adapting the book? They announced it today.
Want a part? Come with me, brunette! - [engine starts] - [tires squeal] [kids scream] - What about the other kids? - Our mom could go to jail too! Her too? "After the success of the book Samonster, Tico and Porky plan a film trilogy!" - I'm going to miss my test! - I'm going to lose my mom! - [tires squeal] - [kids scream] - [chattering] - [both] Samantha? [all together] Yes? What now? Dad! Dad? Get lost, kid! - [Dodoi] Cindy! Brandon! - [Brandon] Dad! - [Cindy] Mom is going to - Kill someone.
I know.
Samira? It's "Sa-mi-RA!" With an exclamation point.
- [all three] Samantha? - [all women] Yes? They're talking to me.
Did you come straight from work? Samantha, we thought you'd be - Furious.
- I am.
I'm making those two swallow this book, and not with their mouths.
- [gasping] - I'll destroy everything.
If those two idiots want to write a single word after I'm through with them, they'll have to do it by moving their eyeballs.
Girl, you have the lines down pat! Lines? Which lines? [woman] I'll destroy everything, Machucado.
If those two idiots want to write a single word after I'm through with them, they'll have to do it by moving their eyeballs.
I would never say that! Machucado, I'm going to kill someone today! [Samantha gasps] [man] And leave me here with the kids? Who's going to make them breakfast? I'm already drunk by breakfast? Who will drive them to school? Which school, Machucado? They can walk if they want to.
[laughs] - [woman] I don't care.
- [Porky] Cut! - Stop! Cut! - Cut! Stop! It needs to be clear that Samonster is the child of the house.
[Tico] Honey, look, you gave birth to the kids, sure, but they put you to bed when you fall asleep in the bathtub.
[Porky] They're the grown-ups in the family.
You never grew up.
[Tico] Yes.
And Machucado? How can I put this? [laughs] - [Tico] It's bad.
- [Porky] Yes, it is.
Think of yourself as the wrong man for any woman.
[Tico] If I can understand your lines, you're not drunk enough! Drink that Catuaba! - [man] Brrrr! I am super wasted! - [Tico] Drink it up and let's go, action.
[woman] Which kids? I don't even know their names.
- [woman] They were an accident.
- Yes! You were no accident, Brandon.
And you are very loved, Cindy.
- Ah! - Hold this, Dodoi.
- [Samantha] What's going on here? - Oh, my God.
She's here! - Are you insane? - [Tico] Security! - What do you want me to do? - Just like when we were kids! [Tico] My God That's where you're wrong, Porky.
I grew up.
Yes, Mom.
Calm down.
Let's go home before you break something we can't afford.
[laughing] Did your kids come along to take care of you, deary? Look, I am Let go! I am a grown woman! A mature woman, OK? Who is going to destroy this stupid, ugly, boring movie of yours! - Come here! - [Samantha] With lousy actors! This movie is just the beginning of our reckoning! - [Porky] We even have sponsors! - [Tico] Sponsors! - Oh! - [Brandon] I'll get you! - You brute! - [Dodoi] Let go of my son! I can't believe this ridiculous movie is bad-mouthing me.
[Samantha] I'm going to destroy them.
[Samantha] How can he say that I never grew up? [scoffs] [woman on TV] I'd never let a movie about my life be made.
Samonster is a lesson for all of us celebrities.
If a lie can ruin a career, imagine what the truth can do.
By the way, kisses, Sam.
Love ya! [Samantha scoffs] She's such a vulture! [laughing] [laughing] Me, childish? A mother, a serious woman, the provider for this home! - Don't push it.
- Push what, Dodoi? Who single-handedly paid to renovate this house? Huh? I did.
With my honest work.
Selling beer, judging kids, and having a TV wedding.
- Nobody mentions that! - Let it go.
- I'm not letting it go.
- [Dodoi] OK.
I'll prove to everyone that I'm a mature, grown-up woman who deserves to be taken seriously.
- Drink some water, it will calm you down.
- [Samantha sighs] - [Samantha] Thanks, honey.
- Take a nap.
Why are you treating me like a child? That sedative in your water isn't for children.
I take care of you, not the other way around, OK? Samantha, it doesn't matter what people think.
Or if they own our image rights.
We get to decide who we are! [TV announcer] It's the second half of our lingerie soccer match.
Women versus Ostriches.
I love this show! [TV announcer] Brought to you by Catuaba Dodoi Não Sara: The Party Never Ends! [Cindy] Dad, this is so degrading! Look at how those women are dressed.
Enough! I'm not letting Marcinho steal my image! - [Dodoi] I won't.
- Your father is right.
The world will see what a responsible mother I am.
Dad didn't say that.
- [Brandon] Mom.
- Yes, dear.
[Brandon] You're an unconventional mother.
We love you more than anything.
Oh, my prince, it's so nice to hear that from you! [Samantha] Where are you going? - We're going to school.
- [Brandon] Alone.
Why? I'll drive you, of course! Tico and Porky will see what a responsible mother I am.
Now let's go, it's already 2 p.
m.
You're late for class.
We study in the morning.
- We're just going to the - PTA meeting.
It's a drag.
- We're going for you.
- Why wouldn't I go? [Cindy sighs] Well, Mom, because this meeting is an important one for us.
There will be plenty of other meetings for you to play adult.
Listen to me, I'm a very responsible mother with a meeting to get to.
Let's go! Besides, it will be great to finally see the inside of my kids' school.
[tires screech] I'm not leaving this house until my image is mine again! Gratitude is a virtue that doesn't come easily.
Be happy that someone competent is looking after your image! I'm not this person that you're selling! A drunk, irresponsible man who breaks bottles on the wall! Did you know, Dodoi, that the public has a worse opinion of teetotalers than it has of alcoholics? The "drunk" is one of the most beloved characters in the Brazilian imagination.
Get ready.
We're expanding Catuaba across the world! This smile is going international! It will be in airports, bus stations, urinals, human billboards all over! All over the world? Starting in Paraguay.
Brazilians love imported goods.
"The best drink in the city"? "Original product"? - "Doesn't cause death"? - Nope.
I'll sue you, Marcinho! Dodoi, this year, thank God, I've finally gotten my death certificate.
[Marcinho] I'm legally dead.
So you can forget about that.
As for the product, which is what matters here, get this it's called "Catuaba Dodoi Não Sara.
" Should I use your mother's face? What? Thank you.
You have just used my image for the last time.
This is the end of you.
[telephone rings] What's up, Samantha? When were you going to tell me about the movie? - At the premiere? - I have nothing to do with it! But I can get tickets.
Very funny.
I want you to find out everything about this circus.
Go to that premiere with a grenade up your - You're not going in, Mom! - [Samantha] Huh? You are a problem around other parents.
The meeting is for grown-ups.
They won't accept kids.
We come every month.
You're getting a supportive mother, like it or not.
OK, but you have to behave.
And you'll let other parents talk.
And not everyone wants to hear you sing.
[laughs] You are not the boss of me.
And my voice is a gift [both] Mom! Which I'll keep to myself, fine.
[Cindy] Since you want to go in, we have two demands.
I want to be excused from recess.
They can't make me play with other kids.
- And I want to fail this year.
- What? Everyone knows me in elementary school.
I'm a true voice among the girls.
[Cindy] I'm not done here yet.
- Cindy gets mad at being called a woman.
- Shut up! Since when do you decide what's best for you? [both] Since we were born.
Uh But only because I decided you should be able to decide that.
Let's go, being late is good, everyone notices you.
[laughs] That's the problem.
[laughs] Relax! If there's one thing I'm good at, it's handling the public.
[Samantha chuckles] Did she call the other parents "the public"? - [Cindy] God - [Samantha sighs] [dialing number] Hello Mm-hmm.
So I know the last time we talked I was in prison but I've gotten into a mess that only you can get me out of.
I'd like to ask for your full attention.
You also need to pay attention to the WhatsApp group, and the situation described in Handbook 44A, Annex 22.
[Mirtes] For the parents who give milk to their children, a new study just came out - [Mirtes] You're poisoning your kids.
- [Sibele gasps quietly] Oh, Sibele, there's no need to overreact.
It might not be so fatal.
[Mirtes] Moving on [Mirtes] Now for the parents who still let their kids watch TV Any problem, dear? [laughs] No, never mind.
I just thought [Mirtes] You thought, right? In this meeting, people only speak when they're sure.
OK? Mm-hmm.
[Mirtes exhales] Very well, moving on.
Without interruptions, I hope.
[Samantha] You were right.
This is terrible! Thank God it's over.
[Brandon] Mom, it's the first break.
- Of how many? - [Cindy] There are two hours left.
Every month? [Brandon] Yes.
Want some? - No, I stopped drinking milk.
- [Brandon] OK.
[father] Mirtes's kids practice swimming, judo, Mandarin, and they're actually happy.
Mine is still in therapy for postnatal depression.
[Sibele] Mine comes home every single day with gum in her hair, which she puts there herself.
Thank God Samantha came, - she makes us look like real parents.
- [they laugh] - [they laugh] - [bell rings] Mom, don't listen to them.
We love you just the way you are.
Yes.
Raising kids is like weight loss pills, there's always a side effect.
[laughs] Thank you, my sweethearts.
[sighs] If there's one grown-up thing I did right, it was you two.
Hey, that's it! I am a good mother! Those parents are always feeling guilty, scared to death.
but I don't feel guilty! [kids] You don't? Here I am trying to prove something when I have something to teach.
- Mom, you just have to go there and - Thanks, honey.
You too.
[gasps] Now excuse me, I'm going to save those parents! [footsteps move away quickly] [Mirtes] OK To those parents who opted to put their kids' lives in danger by not using the car seats, model WXR44Y, I have a few considerations Enough! Whose mother are you again? Cindy and Brandon's.
They have a mother? I bet your kids ride in the front seat.
They fight over who gets it.
Enough with all this guilt! The only people we have to prove ourselves to are our kids.
[Samantha] And they're children, they're easily impressed.
No one here needs to be a better parent, because we are the only parents that our kids have! [Samantha] And more! If they grow up soon, they probably won't have to prove they're adults 30 years later.
- That's absurd! - You, for instance.
Sibele, right? You remembered! - No, I read it.
- Oh.
You want to be an example to your daughter? Relax.
The more different she is from you, the better.
- Who knows, maybe she's even happy.
- Exactly! Or you.
You feel guilty about not having time for your son.
Darling, he prefers his video games.
Soon you'll suggest that our kids should get a job! - [Samantha sighs] - What would be the problem with that? She worked from a young age and here she is, perfect! [giggles] - I'm a big fan! - [Samantha] Exactly! Stop pretending you don't know who I am.
[laughs] - Oh, I know exactly who you are.
- [Samantha] Ah I read the book, Samonster! [Samantha] No.
You watched me when I was a child.
I know I don't look your age, but I am.
Let's stop creating these impossible standards for ourselves! I'd like to propose, to everyone here, a new era.
An era free of guilt! [applause] Cindy, if I start praying now, do you think God can make Mom shut up? Cindy? [screams] [all singing] Brightest Star Don't wait any longer - I'll follow my way - Everybody! Each day stronger! - [Sibele giggles happily] - [applause] - [cheering] - [Samantha] That was great, guys! What a great voice! She's a lunatic! You're acting like children! - Shut up! - [Samantha] A child once told me that raising kids is like taking weight loss pills; there's always a side effect.
- Guys, I take SlimDiet too! - [Samantha] Hey, listen The only thing that matters is that our kids are happy.
And I'm sure mine are.
Mom, Cindy is dying! Oh, my God.
- [knocking] - Cindy, open the door! [Cindy] I'm fine, Mom.
I'll never forget what I saw.
Brandon said you were bleeding! [Cindy] I am.
Ah! Oh, sweetie! [laughing] We talked about this.
There comes a time in every girl's life [Cindy] Mom, I did not become a woman! This is the death of my childhood! Is she going to live? [whispers] She got her period.
Can I have her room? [Cindy] Can someone call my dad? I have exactly what you need right here.
Open the door! I can't use a disposable pad.
Cindy, what you can't do is reuse a pad.
Do you know how many deaths that thing causes? I don't want my tampons inside a dolphin's blowhole.
- Nobody wants that, Cindy.
- I want a menstrual cup.
Where will I find a menstrual cup? These mothers don't menstruate anymore! Samantha, we just elected you class president! Can we watch a movie? [Cindy] Who else is there? [Cindy] I want to leave without anyone seeing me! - I can't be your president.
- Of course you can! - I'm not coming every month.
- Told you it was boring.
Mm-hmm.
And you need someone who cares about all children.
- I only care about mine.
- But we need you more! [Cindy] Can't you have this chat someplace else? Can I see your coat, dear? [Sibele] Of course! Do you like it? Oh, it's lovely! Can I borrow it? Cindy, open the door! [Samantha] Lesson one, wrap this around your waist, let's go! - Let's find a bathroom, honey.
- [Cindy] OK.
- [Dodoi] Cindy! - [Samantha] What are you doing, Dodoi? [Dodoi] Brandon said she was It's a mother-daughter thing.
I took care of it.
Calm down! - [Dodoi] Oh, all right.
- [Cindy] Dear God.
[Dodoi] You know, son, today was a very important day for me too.
Sometimes we have to make sacrifices.
But it's important to have control over who we are.
[Dodoi]having rights over my own image.
It was a difficult decision to make [Cindy sighs] but from now on, I'll never be the face of Catuaba.
- [brakes screech] - What is it, Dodoi? What's the matter? Kids, stay in the car.
He can't do this to me.
[Samantha] Let it go, Dodoi.
We'll find a way to prove who we really are.
[Samantha] Come, let's go home.
[Samantha] Stop it, Dodoi! Don't do that, let's go home.
Oh Stop it! Stop.
Look at me.
Huh? - Let's go home together.
- [Dodoi breathes heavily] Forget it.
It actually looks cute.
- [Samantha] Dodoi! - [light smashes] - [lights explode] - [Samantha sighs] Now it's dark, see? It looks cooler.
[she kisses him] Let's go? Come on.
[electricity buzzes] [flames roar] [roaring flames] - [flames roar] - Oh, my God! [gasps] [guard] I need backup here.
[whistle blows] I told you! That interview was edited, taken out of context.
Sure, it was a live interview.
I was defending you.
I'm outraged! [Gretchen] You're an example to me.
I know I am, but I have to go.
Talk to you later, bye! [sighs] It's not every day you find out you're a grown woman.
Mom, please! I'm talking about myself, honey.
But it works for all of us.
Your father is right.
We're the only ones who know who we are.
You, for example, can continue being just a girl until you feel ready.
When the time comes, I'll have a good example to follow.
- Thanks, Cindy.
- Not you! [Brandon] But what about me? You, my cutie pie, don't have to play with any kids during recess, although I find it weird.
[laughs] - And you, Dodoi - [Dodoi] Huh? We'll find something for you.
[Dodoi] I'm getting us out of here.
Hey.
Listen, pal, the crime here was the theft of my image! He only owns 30%.
Don't lie to the authorities, Dodoi.
He's just a security guard.
Cindy! I'm sorry, sir.
She just got her period.
- Oh, please - [distant police sirens] I'll let you go, as long as you never come back.
We've been banned from better places.
And I want your autograph.
- What's your name again? - Carlos.
[Samantha] Well, Mr.
Carlos, do enjoy the book, because if I have any say about it, there will be no movie.
Thanks.
[Samantha] Brandon, straight in the shower, all right? I don't want any stalling today.
So, you think you can destroy other people's property? Vandal! That board was mine! And so is your image! - I'm taking it back by force! - Hold him, Samantha! This is theft! I acquired your image rights legally! Dodoi couldn't have sold something that never belonged to him.
Who is she? Did you invite this woman? The owner of Dodoi Functional Yogurt, Dodoi Fit Snacks, Dodoi Sports Equipment, and Dodoi Paddleboats, Ltd! Exactly.
Now take my face off Catuaba.
- The owner of my image is - Me His mother.
The sole owner of image rights and licensing.
We have a grandmother? Thank God! Another female role model in the family.
Really, Dodoi? You brought your mom? It took some time, but he finally got it Dodoi needs me.
Subtitle translation by Guilherme Gama, Jonathan Hemming