Scoundrels s01e03 Episode Script

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Hey.
You want to lose the few teeth you have left, Carlos? - Keep whistling.
- Hey, wolf.
No, no, no, no.
It's okay.
He's just paying us a little compliment.
- That's all.
Yeah, daddy.
- I hear whistles all the time.
That's the sound of wind passing through your brain.
You know what? Your dad never gets to see you guys.
Could you at least pretend that you love each other? Aw.
He's in prison.
He's not insane.
Here is the latest from your favorite mystery writer.
And here's these magazines you said you wanted Like the news and sports and all that junk.
Which one has the Victoria's secret catalog - Tucked away? - Those models have nothing on my girls.
You guys all look fantastic.
Next time, wear coats.
Especially you.
Is that a new dress? Wolf, I've worn this a thousand times.
You've just never noticed.
That's because I was standing next to you When you were wearing it.
I don't like the idea of you out in this thing alone.
Oh, I wish.
She's dragging us with her To go to Alan and lexy's "I beat cancer" Party.
- Talk about a rave.
- Alan and lexy's? I thought you said that you weren't going.
Well, I did, but I changed my mind.
Lexy's been through a lot, and she could use a lift.
As much as I love our kids mm.
There are times that I need an adult to talk to.
- If I stay locked up in that house, I just go - Crazy? Forget it.
I'd rather see you in this - Than in that checkout apron anyway.
- Don't worry.
Your checkout girl's checked out.
I cleared my name And I told my boss what he could do with his toilet paper.
There's always the store, you know.
Charlie would love to have you back.
Wolf, it's not gonna happen.
Now listen, I'm sorry, But this is gonna have to be a short visit.
We gotta go.
Say good-bye to your daddy.
Ohh.
Oh.
- Behave yourselves for your mom.
- Bye, dad.
Don't drive her nuts.
Okay? And, uh, send lexy and Alan my love.
Just don't give too much to Alan.
Mm and on that note Down, boy.
- Hey, Cheryl.
- Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
We were starting to forget what you look like.
Hey.
Yeah, it does get a tad hectic With, uh, my husband doing five in the can.
Sorry.
Sometimes I forget That we're not the only ones - wading through crap.
- But how about you two? You must be so excited Paris, the city of love.
Can you believe he's not going? You're sending your wife To the most romantic city in the world alone? - You're an idiot, Alan.
- I'm up to my ass in alligators, But I really want lexy to enjoy herself.
She's really been through hell.
Excuse me.
That's my German import guy.
Wow.
Talk about trust.
Wolf goes batty if I go to a party without him.
Yeah, well, you're lucky.
Alan trusts me so much, he can't wait to send me to France.
Oh.
- I think I need a drink.
- Okay.
Must be pretty tough on your mom these days, huh? What is? You know, being alone, you know? A woman's got needs, same as men.
Ew.
That's just gross.
Lechers anonymous.
- EXCUSE ME? - Not important.
Hey.
Why do you get to miss the party and I don't? Because I am doing double duty.
Stierson's got me on a fishing expedition.
Meanwhile I'm trying to work on dad's appeal.
- THEY STILL DON'T KNOW YOU'RE A WEST? - Oh, they know.
They just don't know I'm one of those Wests.
Listen, I need you to teach me fluent - Cahuilla by Friday.
- Why do you need to speak Cahuilla? No one understands a word you lawyers say anyway.
Well, we're representing them in a discrimination case.
Mr.
Stierson wants me to prepare a proper welcome For the tribal representatives.
Mm.
Why you, o great white cracker? Okay, you remember when I told you THAT I GOT THE JOB ON THE SPOT BASED ON MY INTERVIEW? Where they told you they've never seen an applicant As brilliant and articulate about the law before? Yeah, I might have left out some details.
Your c.
V.
Is most impressive.
Well, thank you, sir.
We'll call you if there's an opening.
Okay.
Thanks.
Oh, my mother is gonna be disappointed.
Her entire tribe was really looking forward To having somebody on the inside.
Maybe next time.
Excuse me.
Your mother is native American? Cahuilla, actually.
West's not your standard native American name.
I never would have guessed.
Well, I don't like to play the race card.
Historically speaking, it hasn't done much for our people.
So your mother's maiden name is Red bear.
Redbear.
Her grandfather was mauled by a red bear.
They're very rare.
You don't see them around anymore.
Okay, so honest Abe lied his way into his law firm? Hey, now.
Who snuck you into the casino kitchen when you were 8 - SO YOU COULD LEARN GAMBLING FROM THE ELDERS? - Okay, fine.
I'll JUST CHARGE YOU WHA - YOU BILL YOUR CLIENTS AN HOUR.
- I'm a lawyer.
You have to earn your right to overbill.
Whoa.
What does that mean? Never cut cards with a woman named hope.
Don't I know it.
Later.
Working on the, uh, Cahuilla tribe case? - Night and day.
- Oh, it must feel good, You know, doing something for " Your people.
" Oh, it does.
Thanks.
My people they need all the help that they can get, - So - So any luck finding the smoking gun That proves the injuns' case? Oops.
Sorry.
- Hope I didn't offend.
- Well, we Indians, we have tough skin.
Man, it's a high-profile case Stierson put you in charge of.
A lot of public ity for the firm if you win.
You know, listen, I can help you - out if you're interested.
- I'm not, but thank you.
I'm just saying, you know, I wouldn't want you to blow it.
I would hate to see your first case be your last.
Oh, it won't be.
But I appreciate your concern, Hugh.
Oh, hey, you know what? Um, my uncle is a district court judge, And he just put away this white trash thief With the same name as you.
Logan? That's funny.
"West" Is a pretty common name.
Not very native American, though.
Well, I'm only half.
Half.
I forgot.
Okay.
Well, you know what? If you need any help, I am Just down the hall.
Ugh.
Alan, quit following me.
It's like I'm leaving a trail of bread crumbs.
We need to talk about last night.
No.
Okay, it happened.
It's over.
Poof.
Okay? Just go away so I can try to enjoy your cancer party.
So we keep this our little secret? Yeah.
We made a deal- -You won't tell, I won't tell.
Okay? Go find your wife.
Pretend you're happily married.
- Oh.
- Hi.
Hey.
I know how tough it's been for you lately.
And I just want you to know, If you need anything, I am here for you.
Mm.
That's really good to know, Charlie.
Thanks a lot.
Come here.
Oh, no.
Charlie, come on.
I mean it.
Don't make me kick you in the nuts! Ow! Oh.
- What the hell was that for? - Come on, Charlie.
You've had enough.
Come on.
Why don't you go home, sober up and sleep it off? I'm not driving.
Are you okay? Yeah.
It's a good thing you came along Before I turned Charlie into a soprano.
Look, I just wanted to say that I think what you're trying to do for the kids Is is really admirable.
Thanks.
Would you tell my kids that? Because lately they're calling me "The holy mother," And they know I'm not a virgin.
I tried to get wolf to go legit for years, but Just don't give up.
It's worth it.
None of this would have been possible If I'd have stayed in the game.
Well, wolf's not in the game now, so we're trying plan "B.
" And right now, plan "B" Sucks.
Listen, Linda, my office manager She moved to Seattle a week ago, and I was thinking, You've had experience running a business - and paying bills.
- I don't need your charity, Alan.
And I'm not offering it.
It's either hire you or put an ad in the paper.
I was paying her $950 a week, plus health insurance - For the whole family.
- And the job's in this country? Cheryl, the office is in total chaos.
You'd really be saving my butt.
What are friends for? Here's to saving your butt.
And I'll have to tell my kids To get sick while I've got this job.
Logan, I want to put Hugh On this Cahuilla tribe case with you.
Uh, sir, I think I've got it covered.
But you have yet to come up with any evidence That proves their civil rights were violated.
This is a landmark case That is not only lucrative for this firm, But precedent-setting for your people as well.
I understand that, sir.
I just think that Maybe we gave you more than you can handle right off the bat.
You just seem distracted.
I want Hugh to help.
Yeah, I can I can dive right in, Mr.
Stierson, Good.
I like your initiative, Hugh.
Oh, by the way, How is the Cahuilla tribal welcome coming? Very well, sir.
I think they're gonna - be really pleased.
- Excellent.
Can't wait to hear it.
Hey, wolf.
Man, you're looking good.
So you you wanted to see me? - What happened to your head? - Oh, I-I hit it on a door.
It was actually pretty funny, c-'cause I was Well, never mind.
It's a long story.
And how was the party? The party? It was good, you know.
No, I-I wouldn't know.
What about Cheryl? Did she have a good time? Yeah.
Yeah, she she seemed to.
What, she she say anything? Not yet.
I can't help feeling, Though, you know, now that she's on her own, Some bastard is bound to hit on her.
Oh, yeah, bound to.
What what kind of bastard? An old friend, maybe.
The kind of person you wouldn't suspect.
He'd pretend to be loyal, - But he'd jump her the minute your back was turned.
- Wolf, I was Alan has always had a thing for her.
Oh, yeah, Alan.
Right.
Nah, I see what you mean.
You know, she was talking - An awful lot to him, now that you mention it.
- Really? - Yeah.
- And what were they talking about? - He, uh, offered her a job.
- Doing what? - Office manager or something like that.
- That son of a bitch.
- Maybe he just needs a new office manager.
- Do me a favor.
Keep your eye on them, okay? - Just in case.
- You mean spy on Cheryl? Wolf, she's as faithful as a cocker spaniel, man.
Well, Alan is a son of a bitch who's gonna start sniffing Around her sooner or later, so keep me posted, okay? Come on.
You can do this.
'e' kill 'et '?Nishka.
It's your name in Cahuilla.
- What's that mean? - "Little big fool.
" That's very funny.
Hmm.
Well, you didn't tell me I'd be teaching remedial Cahuilla.
- That's going to be double.
- Well, don't expect too much.
If I don't find that damn smoking gun, - It's not gonna matter how good my cawilla is.
- Cahuilla.
Cahuilla is.
Stierson's gonna kick my butt outta here.
I lose my job.
Dad spends five years in jail.
- Yay, Logan.
- You'll find it.
You're probably just looking in all the wrong places.
I have scoured every file, every internal memo.
I have subpoenaed every internal e-mail.
OKAY, YOU KNOW THOSE SLIMY C.
E.
O.
S.
They're not about to leave a paper trail.
They probably do their dirtiest work over Martini lunches And write their slimy c.
E.
O.
Secrets down on napkins Or the back of receipts or something like that.
Right.
Come on.
All right? I'm charging by the hour.
- Rate's double past my bedtime.
Okay? - Okay, okay.
So 'e' kill 'et '? Nishka, what does it say? Oh, God.
Any available salesman to the front, please.
Any available salesman to the front, please.
Well, well, well.
Tuesday, 9:45 in the A.
M.
Mr.
Dingus plays a little touchy-feely With little miss looky-loo.
Does this mean they're swapping spit? Drinking out of the same bottle? Making the beast with two backs? Only time will tell.
Uh, it's right- right around here.
I told you it was bad.
Bad? This is worse than Cal's room.
- Well - Well They say a journey of a lifetime begins with the first step.
And this could take a lifetime.
Dan, you have a customer waiting.
You've got a customer waiting inside.
- Is that petty cash? - More like an advance.
You're already paying me, Alan.
Take it.
I figure things are a little tight right now.
You're a good man, Alan markham- -Messy, but good.
I'll deduct this out of my first check.
Wolf really got the cream of the crop.
I hope he knows that.
Are you flirting with me, Alan? 'cause if you are, I can't take the job or the cash, And I need both.
Just admiring an old friend.
Good.
Did you have to say "Old"? Service manager to customer service.
Bye.
Off to modeling class.
Again? How many classes are you taking? Oh.
I'm in the accelerated program.
Is that where they teach you to walk very, very fast? If you weren't so beauty-disabled, - I would make fun of you.
- Just tell me who's paying for these.
- I got a scholarship.
- To become a human coat hanger? Yes, a very rich, very glamorous human coat hanger With a closet full of clothes That you'll never be able to afford.
Hello? HOW'S THE NEW JOB? Well, I'm making three times my old salary And I don't have to be on my feet all day, - So what could be better? - Has he hit on you yet? Guess what, wolf.
NOT EVERYONE FINDS ME AS - ATTRACTIVE AS YOU DO.
- I know Alan Markham.
Can't keep it in his pants, never has.
- WELL, "IT" HASN'T POPPED OUT YET.
- I want you to quit.
I thought you'd be happy for me.
- I AM.
NOW FIND ANOTHER JOB.
- Look, you're pissed Because he had the balls to go straight, and it worked for him.
This is a good job, and I'm not giving it up because you're jealous of him and his success.
Now call me when you're ready to be happy for me, damn it.
Bitches.
What can we do? Get him! Get him! So how's daddy? Like Jack Nicholson in " The shining.
" Wow.
I'm really starting to rub off on you, aren't I? Does your sister have a boyfriend? Is that what's going on? You want me to rat out my own flesh and blood? Wests don't do that.
You're right.
Forget I asked.
Which is why I can't tell you to check inside her undie drawer.
I'm gonna need two screwdrivers, a mojito And a legitimate modeling agent to get me some modeling gigs, Like you promised me when I took this crappy job.
Look, it's just gonna take some time, okay? In the meantime, you're making decent money.
You just have to be patient.
- I got agents coming in here all the time.
Trust me.
- Don't be shy.
Just let 'em know, and they'll be sure to take care of you.
You can take off if you want.
If I find anything, - I'll let you know in the morning.
- Oh, yeah, right, Just like I'd let you know if I found something.
I'm not you, Hugh.
I'm not about to stab a colleague in the back - Just to advance my career.
- Okay, fine.
There's no smoking gun here, anyway, So it was nice knowing you, Tonto.
I'm really gonna enjoy this corner office.
I've got it coming to me, Even if I'm not a member of a, uh minority.
"Interview non-native Americans for lower-level jobs.
Substandard living conditions higher health risk.
" Oh! Yeah! Modeling class, my aunt Fanny.
You call taking off your clothes for a bunch of drunks - A straight job? - I'm not taking my clothes off, mom.
- I'm just a waitress.
- Right.
Why do I even tell you the truth? I might as well lie.
You never believe me anyway.
You're quitting that job, you hear me?! Have you shown it to Stierson yet? - As soon as he gets in.
- Hey, buddy, I'm, uh, going out for a double espresso.
- You want anything? - No, thank you, but when you get back, stop by.
- There's something I want to show you.
- All right.
Yeah.
That bastard.
Did you learn that on the reservation? Misspent youth.
So where'd you put it? You put it in your briefcase? You bring it home? What are you talking about? We're looking at $1 million-plus in legal fees, And you think that this is some kind of pissing contest? You really don't want to screw with me, Hugh.
Boy, you know what pisses me off? Somebody who gets a corner office For playing a phony ethnicity card.
And you got yours because of what, your brilliant g.
P.
A.
? Or is it because your uncle plays golf with stierson? Well at least my old man's not in the slammer.
Now get out of my office.
Hey, it's me.
Look, what are you doing tonight? I think I have a job for you, Billy and Cruz.
It could be fun.
Call me back.
That'd be, like, illegal.
Mom doesn't want us doing anything illegal, remember? - Mom will never know.
- Yeah, right, until you tell her.
Cal, I'm not gonna tell her because then I'll be implicated.
You know, that means - whoa! - No, man! Come on! - You suck, dude! - All day long! - All right, look, look, look - God! - It's just between you and I, okay? This guy deserves it, And apparently, from what he tells everybody at work, He's got a killer sound system - and a huge collection of porn.
- Dibs.
All I want is the briefcase.
What you do with the rest - Is entirely up to you.
- His briefcase.
You're such a big-shot lawyer, - You can't afford your own briefcase? - You tell him.
- Okay, that - Loser.
- Come on! - Okay, that's where he put the evidence.
That's why I want you to do this thing - in the first place.
- And mom will never know? Never.
You have my word.
All right.
All right.
Okay.
I like 'em big, mommy.
Yeah.
Daddy! - Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Mwah.
Daddy, what happened to your eye? This? I slipped I-in the shower.
- Oh.
- No bath mats here.
Right.
So what's up? Well, I got a job.
Yeah, the pay's really good, And there's a chance for real career advancement.
That's wonderful, sweetheart.
Yeah.
Um, it's at the sparkle club.
- That's a strip joint.
- Yeah, but, daddy, I'm just waitressing.
I promise.
The owner, robby, He has connections to big modeling agencies.
One of the girls just got signed to elite, - And I am ten times prettier than her.
- What does your mother say? What do you think she says? Of course she wants me to quit.
She'd rather see me flipping burgers at rusty's.
It is so unfair, dad.
Well Mm, your mother can sometimes be a little overprotective.
No, daddy, she has no faith in me, Not like you do.
All right.
Tell your mom I said you can keep the job So long as it's just waitressing.
Now the moment you sense any funny stuff, I want you to quit, okay? Okay.
I promise.
Oh, daddy, I love you so much! Thank you.
Thank God mom's not a single parent.
I need your signature on this.
You want to talk about it? Nope.
I almost got the receipts filed for April and may.
Cheryl, come on.
Something's wrong.
Give me your work.
Sit down.
Talk to me.
It's Heather.
God, Alan, she's working at the sparkle club.
She swears she's only waitressing, but She's telling you the truth.
I saw her there.
I was ordering a drink.
Um, things have not been easy for me with lexy being sick.
But Heather is telling you the truth.
She's being honest.
A strip club, Alan? What am I gonna tell you? I'm lonely.
You must know how that feels with wolf being away.
Besides, I only look.
I never touch.
Oh, spare me the details.
You should have told me.
I promised her I wouldn't rat her out.
Now Heather thinks I'm a sleaze.
Thanks for telling me.
Hey, what do you say we get out of here and get a drink Then grab a bite? Just to commiserate, that's all.
Thanks anyway, Alan, But I think I should just go home and wallow alone.
Let's just have dinner then.
We won't talk about wolf or lexy.
Thanks, Alan.
I appreciate the offer, but I gotta go home.
Wednesday, 5:43 P.
M This time it's miss looky-loo goes in for the squeeze.
Is Mr.
Pretty face finally getting to her? It does not look good.
Just where do you think you're going? - To work.
- You don't work there anymore, remember? My house, my rules.
Oh, really? 'cause daddy said it was okay with him, And I'm pretty sure it's still his house, too.
- You really want your daughter to end up as a hooker? - I trust her.
Bull.
If you'd found out about this first, You'd be through the roof.
Your princess at a strip club? Hey, she wouldn't have to take a job like this If she wasn't getting pressured By certain people with pretensions.
You blame me? You're the one in jail.
Oh, you noticed.
Thank you.
Oh, and by the way, thanks for asking how I'm feeling Since I got the crap beat out of me.
- Or didn't you notice? - How are you feeling? Better, thank you.
I miss you, though.
I don't see you enough.
Well, I've been busy, wolf.
I have something called a job.
And you have to show up if you want to get paid.
And showing up is all that Alan expects? Alan is a good man who's paying me more than I ever made Selling your stolen merchandise.
Alan is a sleazebag who only offered you the job So that he could get into your pants.
- Or has he done that already? - What the hell's the matter with you? I have been faithful to you For more than 20 years.
And if you can't understand that, Then you've got your head stuck up your ass, And as far as I'm concerned, you can keep it there.
Aren't you gonna invite me in? I thought you couldn't make it.
I changed my mind.
I could use a little commiserating.
Lexy called.
She's off to dinner With a bunch of new yorkers she met at the louvre.
- That woman could make friends anywhere.
- Yes, she can.
Oh, thank you.
Oh.
I-I just saw wolf.
Yeah? How's he doing? Pissing me off, As usual.
Did you ever think about leaving him? Oh, I've had my moments, But what marriage hasn't? Me and lexy, too.
In fact, we were splitting up last year.
Then she got the big "C," And I couldn't go through with it.
And now that she's getting better? Oh, it's over.
I think we both know that.
I'm sorry, Alan.
No.
Everyone deserves to be happy, Even you.
Don't, Alan.
I I can't.
Why not? Because no matter how pissed off at wolf I am, I can't prove him right by cheating with you.
At this point, it's hard to think of it as cheating.
I think I should go.
You could stay.
Spend the night.
No one would ever know.
You know, I-I know you think you mean well, Alan, But you don't.
And besides, I'd know.
Hey.
Listen, I'm I'm sorry I accused you of ripping me off.
I'd like to make it up to you, try to, you know, - Bring you out for a drink, try to - Bury the hatchet.
I'm apologizing.
Yeah, sure, kemo sabe.
Why not? Hey, but you know what? Don't blame me if you can't hold your fire water.
The one, the only two- miss candy cane.
Hey, hey.
So one more? It's on me.
Huh? - Oh, no.
I gotta go home.
- Hugh, come on.
No, no, no, no, no.
I - Hugh, listen to me.
Listen to me.
Come on.
One more smoke of the peace pipe, All the scenery in front of you? Yeah? - Right? - Just one.
I knew you would.
- One.
- Hey, sweetheart.
- What do you need? - Two more mojitos.
They said they want actual alcohol - in it this time.
- Yeah, really funny.
Heather? Heather.
What are you doing here? Um, it's called working, This thing us wests are supposed to be doing now.
- Does mom know that you're here? - Does mom know you're here? I'm here having a drink with a colleague.
And I'm serving drinks, period.
So, yes, mom knows.
Yes, dad knows.
You don't have to act like either one of them right now.
Listen, I'm just looking out for you, okay? As long as my baby sister's not giving lap dances.
- Ew.
Don't be gross.
- Well I'm only working here until robby over there Gets me discovered.
What, do you guys think you're the only big shots Coming up in here? Trust me, we got all kinds.
We can always tell a lawyer by a lousy tip.
- Well be careful.
- Logan! Here you go, sir.
Thank you.
Come on, Cal.
Pick up, pick up, pick up.
Hey-o.
This is Cal.
Well, it's not really me, because iPod.
SWEET.
Jackpot! Hey, baby.
How you doin'? Oh! Yo, jackpot, dudes.
Homemade porn, dude.
No, man.
Dude, Cruz, the guy's coming home soon.
So what, man? We gotta check it out at least.
It might be girl-on-girl, bro.
- There you go.
- What's she gonna do with that? Um, maybe she's gonna play ping-pong.
Ow! That's gotta hurt.
I guess he likes it.
Oh.
Ooh.
I guess he really likes it.
Oh! Oh, man! Come on! Ugh! Let's go man.
Let's go, dude.
Come on, man.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Oh.
Oh, wait.
What are we forgetting? We already raided the fridge, bro.
Yeah.
Briefcase? The briefcase.
Briefcase.
All right.
Come on, man.
Whoo! Yeah! I am gonna buy you A lap dance.
No, no, no, no, no.
- I'm fine.
I'm fine.
- No, you are not fine.
- I'm fine.
I'm fine, Hugh.
- No, you are not fine.
You are not fine.
Let me tell you what.
I'm going to give the dying man his last meal.
Hey, sweetie? Sweetie? Honey? Well, hello.
What time you getting off, huh? Unless, you know, you wanna get off now.
Well, I think right now would be just Perfect.
Well, thank you.
I really got off on that.
Well I'll say this much for him He may be a lawyer, but he's an excellent tipper.
Thank you, sir.
Well done, sis.
Thanks for coming, Detective.
Always a pleasure to see you.
Well, it's always a pleasure to see you, too, As long as you're right here where you belong.
- Five minutes, please.
- All right.
So you said you had some information for me Concerning ongoing criminal activity? I'm just curious as to why you would tell me anything.
I mean, isn't it against the west code to rat people out? I want to get outta here.
As luxurious as the accommodations are, Detective, I'm a bit of a fussy sleeper.
I tend to prefer my own bed and the woman I share it with.
And I figure, cooperating with you Will look good for my appeal.
Okay.
What do you got? Fire crews have contained a wildfire Burning near highway 60, which brought traffic - To a standstill - Don't worry.
She may not have much in the brain department, But what is there is coated with a nearly bionic predilection For survival that would knock the socks off a cockroach.
It's not her survival I'm worried about.
It's her future.
And why was Logan the only one who understood the difference? Yeah I've been meaning to ask him, But he's just so busy Trying to find a phone booth to change in.
- Don't be too hard on Heather.
- Oh.
Hey, it's not like she tries to make bad decisions.
She just doesn't know what the good ones are.
Watch it.
She's locked and loaded.
Here.
What's this for? Room and board.
Stuff, you know.
You don't have to do this.
Well, I figured since I'm making a little money now, I should at least contribute.
I'm sorry I haven't trusted you more to take care of yourself.
You are a west, after all.
I made a lot of mistakes in my life, And I don't want you to repeat them.
You worked in a strip club? No.
But if the opportunity had presented itself, I might have.
How was work? It was good.
It was good.
The the tips were really good.
- Good.
- Yeah.
- Good.
I'm glad.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Honey, do you think Could you wear something that was a little more More? Uh, no.
No, I can't.
- Okay.
Can't.
- Nope.
Son of a bitch! Morning.
Is that all you have to say to me After leading me on like that last night? Alan, I did not lead you on.
You left me in a high state of arousal, and you know it.
I'm sure you took the matter well in hand.
It's not the same thing.
Listen, Cheryl, I'm crazy about you.
I always have been And I always will be.
Alan, it's very flattering, but it's never gonna happen, So be a good boy and stop touching me.
Alan markham? What the hell is this about? I have a warrant to search these premises.
Are you kidding me? What are you doing here? I'm just conducting a criminal investigation.
What else would I be doing here? Working awfully close to the boss, aren't we, Cheryl? We believe that you have a very strong case, As our senior partner, John stierson, Will explain in greater detail once we're all inside.
If you'll follow me.
- Well done, Logan.
Very impressive.
- Thank you, sir.
Brilliant work on the smoking gun, - by the way.
- Oh, I appreciate that, sir.
Sorry I'm late.
I Sorry.
Well, you should be.
Look at you.
Go home.
Sleep it off.
Mr.
West no longer needs you.
And don't think I am not gonna call your uncle.
Putz.
Well, you know how to party.
I'll say that much for you.
Somebody Uh, robbed my apartment last night.
Well, I hope that you didn't lose anything important.
You are one of those wests, aren't you? Aw, Hugh, I don't know what you're talking about.
But We should go out again sometime.
We could play some ping-pong.
I hear you have your own paddles.
Are we ready, sir? Yes, we are.
Please.
So you just started working here on Monday, huh? That's what I just told you.
Well, then I guess you're not implicated.
In what? Apparently, Mr.
Markham's connected To an organized gang of international car thieves.
His inventory of high-end stolen imports Is actually very impressive.
That's not true.
Well, Cheryl, someone seems to think it is.
Someone Very close to you.
Ow! It is hot! Oh, baby! Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! some of that! Complete with the pumps! Whoo! That is hot! All right.
That's enough.
Settle down.
Settle down.
Oh, I'll be your daddy! Yeah! Mm.
Reminds me of your mama! What the hell are you doing dressed like that? What? I always dress like this now.
What, with my man in prison and everything, I gotta put the goods back out on display.
All right, Cheryl.
You made your point.
You win.
Now you listen to me, wolf, Or I'm gonna start talking very loudly About how you ratted out Alan markham.
And that should make life in here A bit more interesting for you, don't you think? Yeah, I coulda slept with Alan, But I didn't.
And do you know why? Because you're the first man That I ever fell in love with, And you'll probably be the last, And that means everything to me.
But after this, I don't know if you are that man.
Well I did what I had to do.
You betrayed yourself.
And you had no faith in me.
You ruined a man's life A friend Because you didn't trust me.
I don't think I'm gonna wanna see you for a while, wolf.
Well, I'll be right here when you do.