Single Parents (2018) s01e08 Episode Script

The Beast

1 All right, let's focus up.
It's a car wash, not a car chitchat, 'kay? No one knows what it's like, knows the hell you - [Music stops] - Nice trash barge, Ang.
Give me a break.
90% of my meals are consumed at a red light.
What do you want from me? What was that music? Is that grunge? That new grunge thing? It's heavy metal.
In high school, I was a big Korn fan.
Korn?! [Laughs] That's That's not That's not funny at all.
Mom always wanted to be in a metal band! She wanted to learn how to play guitar.
But then I was born, and, as she put it, the fun died.
No, I never said that! And yeah, so what? I love metal.
Makes me feel like a demon's inside me, and I like that.
But, anyway, none of you guys understand.
You're too happy.
I love you, G.
Now go play with some trash.
Yes! Whoa, look at the sky.
Storm's a-brewing.
I definitely got to check this out back at the weather center.
You mean your kitchen counter? [Tires squeal, horn honks] DOUGLAS: Is that That is.
Big Red.
That chick that blew you off 'cause she saw you dressed as a chipmunk? Yes.
Isn't she extraordinary? [Cart squeaks, wheels clatter] Douglas, you can't be that obsessed with someone based off physical appearance.
Love is about making an emotional connection.
How's that working out for ya? Eh, you want a prince, you gotta kiss some frogs.
And this month, I've kissed two frogs, one with man buns.
Big Red is no frog.
Come, Miggy.
I'm gonna need you to run a screen for the friend while I make my move.
I got you.
You my road dawg.
Let's go.
And lose the hat, okay? We're not shagging foul balls.
You got your purse? Uh, excuse me.
Haven't we met? Hi, I-I'm Dr.
Douglas Fogerty.
I'm co-owner of a 40-foot houseboat, along with Dennis Franz.
- Chipmunk! How are ya? - [Chuckles] Good.
This is Judy.
We work together at the travel agency.
I'm Miggy, and I do not know what a travel agency is.
[Chuckles] Oh, what a cute baby.
Listen, if you ever want a man to buy you dinner or a small casino in Biloxi, you know where to find me.
Okay, Chipmunk.
C'mon, Judy.
Mama needs her midday Cobb.
Sorry you blew that.
I nailed it.
BIG RED: Hey, Chipmunk! [Chuckles] I think we both feel the sparks that are flying here.
The electricity is in the air.
So how are we gonna get Judy and Miggy together? I mean, she's just gaga for him.
For Miggy? He's six feet of useless stuffed in a ball cap and gym shorts.
I-I mean, he he's a very special man, so maybe the four of us can have an elegant dinner - at my home.
- SOPHIE: Car's ready! Ah, my very expensive, very foreign sedan seems to be ready.
- Gratuity's not included! - You should've thought of that when you half-assed the vacuuming job! Children.
You texted me you had a surprise? Huge news.
There's a tropical storm moving up the coast.
Check out this action.
I-I have no idea what I'm looking at.
What you're looking at is a very intense low-pressure wind system that's forming over a tropical ocean a cyclone.
So I guess we like different stuff, huh? You know, I used to chase these monsters back when I was a producer at the Weather Channel.
They always threw me into the most dangerous situations, like hurricanes and snowstorms, thunder so loud, it would change a dog's personality.
But The Beast, he wasn't afraid of nothing.
You've been wearing an oven mitt the whole time I've been here.
Oh! Right, sorry! - I made brownies! - Ah.
You know, Will, I'm gonna go, But thanks so much for the surprise.
You really get me.
That's not your surprise.
This is your surprise.
[Guitar flourish plays] You signed me up for a guitar lesson? - Mm-hmm.
- What am I, your kid? I don't know.
Is my kid a demon-worshipping headbanger? [Deep voice] Da-Da-Da-Da- Da-Da-Da-Da-Darkness Blood Satan is a close personal friend Thanks a lot, but I-I-I can't do this.
I have a job and a child.
The closest thing I have to personal time is the walk from my house to the car in the morning where, for seven or eight seconds, I can just let everything go and chew gum.
Come on! I saw your face back at the car wash.
You were so happy talking about being in a band.
You were even happier than the time you ordered regular-size fries and they actually brought you large fries instead.
- I do love free stuff.
- Who doesn't? All right.
I'll take the lesson.
We're gonna make so much slime tonight.
We're gonna destroy your house, Rory.
I like when the slime sounds like farts.
[Giggles] The things we do for these kids.
Eyes on the prize, Sophie.
Remember what we get to do tonight? We put them to sleep and then hit season two of "BBC Presents: Sir Bridger.
" Do you think Sir Bridger will accept Lady Agnes' marriage proposal? Please.
He knows she's a modern woman, and he loves it.
Yes, he does.
All right, open mic is set up.
Okay, kids, let's go.
[Chuckles nervously] Damn.
[Chuckles lightly] Mama, let's go! Graham out here gettin' restless.
[Softly] Okay, okay.
Zam! Thanks for the threads, man.
Ah, I feel so weird.
I feel like someone's dad.
You are.
So, what's the occasion? I want you to have dinner with me.
You asking me on a date? Okay.
Why would you say yes to that? It's a double date with Big Red and her friend.
- Apparently she's "gaga.
" - For Miggy? Yeah, I agree.
It's insane.
But this is the only way to move the chains with Big Red, so I need you.
Nah, I can't go out with another woman.
I got Zara.
Tony, take a soft five.
All right.
What's the deal with you and that broad? Are you a couple? Nah, we're in the gray gray.
English, please.
Well, some days, I feel like we're friends, and some days, we're hooking up! [Chuckles] You know, the gray gray.
Just tell me what do you want? I don't know.
I love her.
I want to be with her.
What do you know about women and shopping? They like it? They love it! And do you know how to get a woman to shop in your store? Uh, you put the word "lady" in front of it, like Lady Foot Locker? No! You put your best dress in the window.
You following me? You're the dress.
You got to sell yourself.
How do I do that? By making Zara jealous.
If Zara sees you with this Judy, she will fight for you.
You trust me.
I'll go on a date with you.
Yo, is your tailor dead? Nah, just nudge him.
- Ah! Oh.
- Ah! He does this all the time.
It's why he doesn't drive for me anymore.
- [Monitor beeps] - [Groans] Well, congrats.
I went to your dumb guitar lesson and got mom-shamed.
Wait, you're taking the lesson, not Graham? She's having me-time.
God, I wish I could do that.
I took a yoga class four years ago.
I still think about how I could've spent that time getting to know my kid.
One second, they're your baby, and the next, they leave you.
But you should take guitar! Totally.
It sounds like they were just being supportive.
You don't get it, man.
Moms are allowed to do two things work and raise kids.
And if a mom catches you doing something for yourself, she's gonna be like, "You go, girl," but what she really means is, "You're a bad mom," and not the cool kind, like in the movies.
Just because you have a kid doesn't mean you suddenly have to give up everything you ever wanted to do with your life.
- [Monitor beeps] - Oh! Yeah.
Except you love weather, and yet you're sitting here at your kitchen counter staring at computer screens.
Isn't weather outside? Dude, I'm still getting the weather high inside the house.
I'm currently tracking highs and lows on no less than three online Dopplers Okay, so you're saying that you are just as happy working from home as you were out in the field? - Yeah.
- You don't miss storm watching? - No.
- Chasing hurricanes? - No.
- Floods? - Wet.
- Ice caps melting? Well, that's a global thing.
- It's true.
- That's not really weather.
- It's not lies.
- That's manmade problems.
Yeah, we're on the same page with that.
So you don't miss being The Beast? I do not.
My Beast was very humanely and gently euthanized.
He had his time, okay, but I am trying to create that time for you now, Angie.
You're right.
I - I'm gonna go back to the guitar place.
- Good.
Would you come with me for moral support? Just try and stop me.
And just so you know, the moral support isn't limited to the drive.
I'm happy to walk you into your classroom.
I'd love to meet your teacher.
That's weird.
We're nowhere near the guitar school.
Where are we going? To the storm.
What?! Are you insane?! You push me, I'm pushing you! Angie, it is a cyclone! [Heavy metal music playing] It's a cyclooooooone Bow down to its power Aaaaaaah! I'm just gonna lower this a little bit.
- No! Don't touch it.
- Okay.
Sure, Will.
Let's buy Angie a guitar lesson.
Where's the harm in that? Angie, turn around.
This is crazy, okay? Your minivan is not equipped for this kind of weather.
- This is dangerous.
- I'll turn around, as soon as you admit that you miss being out in the field.
Yes, fine.
I admit it, okay? I miss it.
I miss it every day.
So, then, why did you quit? The Beast, he could be reckless.
I highly doubt that you could be reckless.
Oh, yeah? Tell that to Glen.
- [Thunder crashes] - We didn't get the shot, Glen! Let's head for the shelter! This is suicide! Sack up, girlie! I'm counting you in - in three, two - [News cue plays] This is Glen Seabreeze reporting liiii - Glennnnnnn! - [News cue plays] Oh, my God! He died?! No! We found him on a roof, like, a mile away.
He's fine.
Anyway, after that, it just sort of felt like it was irresponsible to have such a dangerous job, you know? I-I'm Sophie's only parent.
Unless you count a crazy woman living in the Sudan with no cell service.
Look, I get it, okay? We both had kids, and we gave up on our dreams.
Except my dream was cool.
- Look out! - [Screams] - [Tires squeal] - [Both scream] - [Bang] - [Both grunt] - Are you okay? Are you okay? - Yeah.
All right, let's back it up.
Back up very slowly.
[Engine revs, tire squeals] - Give it more gas.
- I'm hitting the gas! It's not working! We're stuck! - Will, what do we do? - We don't panic.
We stay calm as your minivan is ripped apart piece by piece.
- What?! - [Thunder crashes] I can't deny I'm glad we were able to do this.
I think I parked on your lawn.
And what a lucky lawn that is.
[Mouth full] Where's Miggy? Y-You know what I don't know what what's keeping him.
But I'm here, and I have a very elegant meal prepared.
- Tony, how's the prime rib? - [Electric knife whirs] [Doorbell rings] Oh.
Excuse me.
That's probably him.
Thicker, man.
This isn't a deli.
Chasing, it's a silly [Whispering] Where the hell have you been? - Come on.
- Sorry I'm late, Douglas.
- How's it going with Big Red? - [Door closes] Listen, we're not out of the blocks yet.
I only have so much cocktail banter.
I was just about to break out pictures of my kids.
Like some chump.
Wha What's with the sour puss? I texted Zara to check on Jack, and I told her I was going on a date tonight, and she didn't care.
She's happy I'm getting out there.
I-I-I don't get it.
You said she'd be jealous.
Ah, I say a lot of things.
Now, let's bring these lobsters to a boil, huh? I don't know, Douglas.
Look, I'm sorry to leave you hanging, but maybe I should go home [Chuckles] No, you're not going anywhere.
Miggy, listen to me.
Ever since I became a man at age 9, I've never had a problem with women, but tonight, I think Big Red is gonna make me dance for it.
Now, the only thing she and Judy seem to like about me is you, so I need you to get out there and help me land this plane.
[Inhales sharply] Okay.
I can do this.
Let's go sell some dresses.
Okay, thatta boy.
And for God's sakes, lose the hat.
This isn't a Spike Lee joint, okay? Here he is! Your man of the hour! Eh? How are you? Pfft.
The mother of my child is fine with me dating, and I don't want to live! Oh, you poor baby! Oh, okay, okay.
Put your head right here.
Come on.
You want a butterscotch? MIGGY: [Muffled] Yes, please.
Lady Everson put the arsenic in Sir Bridger's pipe? She hates that he'll never love her.
Poppy, where are you? The lights are on, but nobody's home.
Okay, I feel like you're bizarrely mature, so I can share this with you.
I saw that keyboard player at the Winebrary, and ol' Poppy lost it.
Mmm! Lightning.
That rando from the open mic night? Mm-hmm.
Girl, we gotta talk.
I felt a connection.
He's a deep soul.
I bet he toils at his day job as a volunteer nurse so that by night, he can explore his real passion bringing jazz keyboard to the masses.
Bippity-bop-bop, bitty, bop, bop Baaaaa Oww! Where are you getting all of this? I felt a connection.
Then why not go to the Winebrary? Talk to him? What am I gonna do, leave you kids alone? Look, it's what we parents do.
We sacrifice.
Not when it comes to love! Do you know who ignored his heart, Poppy? Lord Chigwell.
He could've stopped the wedding, but he didn't.
And what happened? He got his face burned off by a steam engine.
- He did?! - Yes! It was incredible! I won't let you make the same mistake.
All right, guys, put down the slime.
We gotta help Poppy connect with the man of her dreams.
I'm the man of her dreams.
And we connect all the time.
- [Pbhhht!] - That was a good one.
Poppy needs us.
There's a man out there who she thinks could be her soul mate.
It's not every woman I'll put down my slime for.
But, Poppy, for you, I'll do anything.
Oh, yes.
I better do this myself.
Oh, my God! There's so much rain! Yeah, well, welcome to a Category 2 storm, Angie.
- Agh! - It's over.
I hope you've made peace with your god.
You know what we need right now, Will? We need The Beast! Angie, The Beast is dead.
I told you that.
I had this friend Glen I know the Glen story! Show me The Beast! - Okay, okay.
- [Seatbelt clicks] We're gonna get out of this car, we're gonna throw this bad boy in neutral, and we're gonna push it out of the mud to freedom.
- No! - Yes! Now, when you get out there - [Whimpers] - take a very wide, very strong stance.
I can't get out of this car! It's too hardcore! [Deep voice] You're hardcore! - [Heavy metal music plays] - Aah! I love this song! Aaaaaagh! All right, get low, bend with your knees, and push! I'm using my knees! What else would I be using?! Okay, one, two, three! - Aah! - Yeah! Yeah! - [Laughs] - Whoo! Aah! Okay! [Music continues, muffled] [Music continues, loud] [Thunder crashes] [Wind howling] [Thunder crashes] No! Angie! I thought we'd end up together.
We're best friends.
We have a baby.
How is she cool with me dating? Well, give it some time.
She'll realize what she's missing.
Nuts to that.
Let's go cut her.
Miggy, can I, uh, console you in the next room, huh? Okay.
Excuse us, will ya? Bye.
What the hell? You're blowing this! I'm sorry! I'm freaking out, man.
See, that's the problem with your generation and the dating.
That's what's wrong with the What do you call it, the nay nay? The gray gray.
The point is, you always tell a woman up front what you want, and that way, you don't get into a pickle like this.
You're right, Douglas.
You're always right.
Yeah? Then why am I striking out? Dude, you want some advice? Yes.
And the fact that I'm allowing it is a personal low point.
Stop selling yourself.
Let her talk.
You're obsessed with this woman, but you don't know anything about her.
What's her name? I want to say Betty.
- Uh - All right.
Judy and I are gonna head to the roller rink.
It's the only place in the city you can smoke indoors.
Yo, um, Douglas has a question.
Forgive me, but in all the chaos of this evening, I never caught your name.
Never Candy.
Call me Candy, I squash your grapes.
Phenomenal woman.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where you going? I'm gonna find Zara.
I'm gonna tell her how I feel.
[Clicks tongue] How do I look? Ah, like a young Steve McQueen.
- No idea.
- I know.
You look great.
Good luck.
So, Candace, tell me about yourself.
- We gotta watch it one more time.
- Oh, my God.
Ah, I can't believe we actually have this on video.
- Hah! - And - [Screams] Frond! - Frond! Ohh! - Ow! It hurts! - It looks like it.
It reminds me of my first Korn concert.
I got a combat boot to the face.
- It's hardcore, okay? - That's the best story I've ever heard.
- Let me get you an ice pack.
- [Laughs] Wait, Will.
You were so different out there in the storm.
You were, like, kind of a badass.
Yeah, well, Lady Weather is a ferocious mistress.
Okay, now you're ruining it.
- Okay.
- What I mean is [Sighs] I know you're trying to play it safe with Sophie, but I bet she'd like to see you like that.
I think our kids want to see us happy.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
By the way, did you have a thing for The Beast? 'Cause The Beast was getting a vibe.
- All right, calm down.
- Uh-huh.
Let's watch me get hit by the frond again.
Yes, please.
- [Sighing] Oh, God.
- All right.
And - [Screams] - BOTH: Frond! It comes out of nowhere! We can laugh now 'cause we know you're okay.
[Chuckles] You want some of those brownies I made earlier? Yeah.
These are burnt, but I think if you cut into the center, they'll taste good.
[Laughs] [Feedback] Poppy, go get him.
[Indistinct conversations] Hi, I'm Poppy.
Um, I don't know if you remember, but we bumped into each other earlier.
- [Chuckles lightly] - I was just wondering, maybe I could buy you a drink? Yeah, I'd like that.
But I'm just about to go on.
After? Cool.
[Both chuckle] How y'all doing out there tonight? [Applause] This song goes out to a woman I just met, who I feel like I've known all my life.
[Slow music plays] I hate you, Mom I hate you, Dad And my step-mom, Karen Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen I don't understand Well, he's passionate.
Karen, why won't you let me borrow your car? Okay, we're outtie.
Let's go.
We're walking.
Karen, I didn't spill the juice on your white couch Mm, yeah [Latin music playing] [Knock on door] Tony insisted I bring you a plate.
G-Good God.
Are you crying? No, I'm cool.
So, I can assume it didn't go well with Zara, huh? [Sighs] I offered her all I have my heart.
And we're gonna co-parent Jack as two single adults dating other people.
At least now I know where I stand.
Well, women.
They'll rip you to shreds.
So, how'd it go with Big Red? Oh, she went home.
After I told her I had to cut the date short, she very slowly nudged my glass of wine across and off the table.
- You know, like a cat.
- Oh.
Never loved her more.
[Chuckles] So, what are we drinking? Pedialyte.
Hopefully it'll help a hangover.
[Glasses clink] Thanks, Douglas.
You my road dawg.
[Pats back] I get that right? Yeah, you did.
Ahh! It's good, huh? No, it is not.
So far, being single ain't so bad.
It's been an hour.
Give it time.
You'll be chasing lightning again.
Never thought I'd say this, but I get it.
I had lightning with that guy at the Winebrary until I didn't.
But I'll keep looking, and next time, it's gonna be real.
That guy was a zero.
Who's this guy, again? Oh, it's okay.
Just nudge him.