So Random! (2011) s01e05 Episode Script

Tony Hawk

And now here's everyone's favorite animal toucher Lori Bedletter.
Hi, animal touchers! Hey, Lori! I am so excited for this week's show.
We've got some crazy animals I've never touched before.
So what do you say? Let's touch animals! Animals are fun to touch some are soft and some are rough you won't know until you try so let's touch animals, let's touch animals let's touch animals, yeah! we'll get to animal touching right after this important announcement.
An animal toucher and is in no way trained any animal handlers.
H see, kids? I'm no different than you.
Okay, this week's animal guest, making its north American debut, is a bloodsucking South ugandan chumbawamba beast.
And this is smashing.
It's a male, which if we've learned anything from watching this show means Extra aggression.
So let's pick a name and see who gets to touch some animals.
Rachel rabinowitz! It's your touching day.
Touching day! Touching day! No no no, thanks.
Don't be shy.
Come on up.
No, I'm good.
Pick somebody else.
Don't you want to touch animals? Nope.
I'm out of here.
What's the worst that can happen? Hook hands.
I don't want hook hands.
What's wrong with hook hands? They've never slowed me down.
Am I right, gang? Am I right? Hook hands! Hook hands! Hook hands! Hook hands! Okay, come on, Rachel.
Let's touch animals.
No no no.
Help! Help! Rachel! Rachel! - You told me we were going to see "american idol"! - Break a leg, sweetie.
I don't want hook legs too.
Okay, to help us, please give it up for this week's guest animal handler Jerry Seinfeld! All right, great to be here.
Huge fan, Lori.
Huge fan! Stop it.
Jerry Seinfeld is a celebrity.
Calling him a guest in no way suggests he is free to leave.
See, kids? Jerry Seinfeld is just like you.
I really am.
No difference.
Can't leave.
Wanna leave.
Can't do it.
It's got me.
Jerry, since Rachel is a little tentative, I'm going to touch the animal first.
Here goes.
See, Rachel? There's nothing to it.
It ate your hook! Don't be a baby.
I'll touch it if Jerry Seinfeld does.
I'm sure Jerry would love to.
No, Jerry wouldn't, but Jerry has to.
Hey there, little buddy.
I'm your friend, right? Hey, you know what? I think he likes me.
It's kind of tick Help! No, he's not! Somebody! Let's touch animals! Let's touch animals! let's touch animals, yeah! "so random!" it's a party, get down - "so random!" - It's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down shake that, shake that all around a fantastic journey, a little bit of this and that you know we gonna chill, might not come back so if you're ready, get set 'cause it's time to roll with "so random!" Stuff that's out of control surprises flying 'cause life's a riot so ride with us 'cause you need to try it we're on the way, it's time to hang so let's get random and do our thing - come on - It's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down shake that, shake that all around "so random!" And now give it up for Chad Dylan Cooper! All right.
Now when they made me a regular on "so random!" They promised me two things.
One, I always get 'mackenzie falls, 'ing "8:00 eastern, 7:00 central.
" And two, I get to introduce "mackenzie falls"'s biggest fan, so let's hear it for skateboarding legend Tony Hawk! Thanks.
I've never seen "mackenzie falls," and I don't know who you are, but it's really great to be here on "so random!" He's never seen "mackenzie falls.
" That's funny.
What are you Guys, this is Tony Hawk.
Tony Hawk! What are you two doing? Waiting.
For? Tony to do something extreme.
Yeah, extreme! Whoo-oo! Whoo-oo! I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
This always happens.
No matter where I go, people want me to be extreme.
- Yeah, extreme! - Extreme! I do plan on being extreme.
- Extreme! - Extremely funny.
A lot of people don't know I am constantly cracking jokes.
I have footage to prove it.
Can we roll it? Roll it.
Why did the chicken cross the half-pipe? It didn't because the hawkman hit it.
- Tony, that's horrible.
- Yeah.
Well, it wasn't my best one, but check this footage out.
Tony, are you sure you don't wanna do what you're best at? Making my famous Turkey meatloaf? No, skateboarding.
Whoa whoa whoa.
Hold up now.
Let's hear a little more about that famous Turkey meatloaf, my man.
How about if I tell you while I ride a skateboard? How about somebody pinch me? Roll the footage.
Start with three lbs of Turkey, half a cup of onions bake at 350° for 45 minutes.
Did he say 450° for 35 minutes? No, he said 350° for 45 minutes.
Whoa, half a cup of onions for three pounds of Turkey? That is extreme.
All right, we have got a great show.
Stick around.
It will be extremely funny.
And delicious! Hey, there.
You're that new kid Benson, right? Uh, yeah.
Hey, aren't you guys in my English class? Yeah, I'm Tracy and this is Greg.
- Hi.
- Hey there.
So how'd you do on that spelling test? There were some pretty big words on there and don't mean to brag, but guess who failed? Holler! That's something.
Thanks.
Yeah, anyways, Tracy, I heard you and Bobby derrickson are going out now.
Yeah, Bobby's a great guy.
We're really happy together.
How about you, Benson? Do you have a girlfriend? Well, you know, I just moved here and everything and don't mean to brag, but I just asked out head cheerleader Brenda lamar.
That's a bold move on your first day, sport.
Yeah, I barely got the question out before she uncomfortably said, "fat chance, loser" and ran away.
Holler! Okay, so, Greg, how did the game go yesterday? Oh my gosh.
You won't believe it.
I won the whole game on a half-court shot.
It was awesome! Nice, Greg, but I'll have you know you aren't the only star athlete around here.
Don't mean to brag, but yesterday at t-ball practice, I struck out.
Nothing but air.
Just a quick question.
How do you strike out at t-ball? Well, the question is how do you strike out not once, not twice, but thrice? Holler! Yeah.
Yeah.
Don't worry about it there, Tracy.
I found this $20 on the way to school today.
Oh, cool.
Thank you.
Oh, nice.
I've never found any money before.
Although don't mean to brag.
No, of course you don't.
But guess whose grandma just sent him a fistful of cash for his birthday.
$2! - Holler.
- Holler.
So how about I buy lunch for all of us? Okay, yeah, see the thing is, two bucks would cover about half my sandwich.
Yeah, and I'm pretty sure that's board game money.
Okey-dokey there, Benson.
We'll see you in class, okay? Uh yeah.
See you guys.
Hey, mom.
How am I doing in my new school? Well, don't mean to brag, but I just scared away two potential friends.
Well, don't mean to brag, but I just burned a whole batch of cookies.
- Holler! - Holler! Mommy.
Hey, kids, tv pitchman Willie crazier.
It's summer vacation.
What do you miss most about school? Nothing.
Are you sure about that, kids? How did you get in our house? - I'm calling my mom.
- No, you're not.
If you're like me, I bet you miss delicious school cafeteria lunches.
No, we don't! Missing cafeteria food during summer vacation doesn't have to be a problem anymore You know what's a bigger problem? Strangers in my house.
With new microwavable meals from lunch lady selects.
It's school cafeteria food you can eat at home.
From freezer to table to toilet in record time.
Just heat and eat, babies.
How did you people get in our house? Is there a tunnel? And now lunch lady selects comes in all your favorite school cafeteria flavors.
- Pizza? - No.
- Different kind of pizza? - No.
Tina, sparkle, show 'em today's specials.
Sloppy hooves.
Monkey nuggets.
Mac and sneeze.
Some kind of wet meat.
It's like you never left school.
I'm calling the police.
No, you're not.
Tina, sparkle, sing us home.
One, two, three, four.
Just because school is out doesn't mean you have to pout if you're missing the meals that make you groan lunch lady selects school food at home - dude! - That was great! Really funny.
Extremely funny? - Really funny.
- Yeah, really funny.
Will you two leave him alone? I need him happy when he signs my skateboard.
- Would you sign my skateboard? - I'd love to.
"Best wishes.
Anthony.
" Come on, Hawk.
There's nothing extreme about this.
Don't these doors have locks? Good day, the students.
I am av club faculty advisor Mr.
Dieter.
And these are your morning announcements.
What's up north mid-valley South high bush crickets? I'm Greg markowski.
This here is my bestest girl Trixie fleishman with all the latest bush cricket news.
Cheap light bulbs! Just keep going.
Sure thing, Mr.
d.
Trixie.
Greg, why don't you read the first announcement? You betcha.
"Greg, I'm breaking up with you.
Smiley face, Trixie.
" Attention cheer squad, the pep rally has been rescheduled - to next Tuesday.
- Oh, dear.
Just keep going.
Are you really breaking up with me right now or is this some kind of joke? "This is not some kind of joke.
" The German club is sponsoring an authentic Berlin breakfast with Sauerkraut, schnitzel and bratwurst.
Wait, we really need to talk.
"No, we don't need to talk.
" Wow.
So when did you have time to type up all these cards? And how did you know what I was gonna say? "Because you're very predictable.
" Boy, this is a real corker.
And now let's leave the studio and turn to sophomore al speck for sports.
Hey, friends, al speck here.
Football team practice will be moved to okay, we're off-camera.
What is going on? Hello? I can hear you guys.
I'm not happy.
Can you hear me? - Testing one, two.
- Since when? It's al speck.
Hello.
Mr.
Dieter, I don't think they can hear me.
Just keep going.
I was miserable the whole time.
I've only had one boyfriend more boring than you - and that was al speck.
- Hey, that's me.
That guy is the biggest loser in the entire school! Okay, okay, joke's over.
I can't believe I let it slip.
I don't want anyone knowing I dated that dork al speck.
I'm not a dork.
I'm a person.
Al speck matters.
You'll see! Thanks, al, for those informative and interesting sports announcements.
Mr.
d? Just keep going.
There we go.
Like no one ever ran through this wall.
And now "tantrum girl" on recess.
Do you know what my favorite part of the school day is? Recess.
You know why? Because it's technically not school.
Thanks, mom.
So the other great thing about recess is Huh.
My mom brought me a plate with food touching other food.
I'm sorry.
Where was I? Oh, right, recess.
So the best thing about recess is With the jungle gym and the slide.
Okay.
I know I've told her this before, so I know she knows, and yet here I am looking at a plate with food touching other food.
My Mac and cheese is touching the green beans.
And the green Bean juice is dripping into the potato tots.
And the tots are all soggy.
And the Mac and cheese will taste all green beany.
That's disgusting! I hate food touching other food! Food touching food! Mom! Honey, I gave you the workman's plate by mistake.
A funny thing he specifically asked that his food touch other food.
Here's yours.
Hey, this food's not touching.
My bad.
This has been "tantrum girl" on recess.
Hey, can I have everyone's attention? Let's give a big golden sunset retirement home welcome to our two newest volunteers.
From the Beverly hills helpers, Tatiana and shay.
Hi, old people! Sure is nice of you girls to lend a hand here.
I wish more young people were like you two.
It feels so good to help! Okay, here is where you'll be serving lunch to the old folks.
Ooh, yeah! - Uh - No.
But I thought you were here to volunteer.
- We are.
- Totally are.
Sure am hungry.
Awww! Someone should get him some food.
Gee, I hadn't thought of that.
Thanks.
It feels so good to help! Okay, why don't you two help clean the tables? - Ooh, yeah! - Yeah! - Uh - No.
You don't serve and you don't clean.
I sure do love a clean table.
Awww! Somebody should clean his table.
So you will? - Ooh, yeah! - Yeah! - Uh - No.
Okay, how about you two read Reginald here hey, buddy a book? - Ooh, yeah! Uh - No.
Take him for a stroll? - Ooh, yeah! Uh - No.
Play him in checkers? - Ooh, yeah! - Uh, no.
I don't think I like you girls very much.
Yeah, I don't think I like them either, buddy.
What could you two possibly have against checkers? Checkers are red and black like a ladybug.
And Tatiana hates ladybugs.
Yeah, they're kind of boring.
Plus at night, they crawl in my ears and steal my dreams.
Ladybugs? No, checkers.
Okay, well, let's just say goodbye and thanks for nothing.
- Same time next week? - Oh, yeah! Uh No! You don't have that much hair to flip, but it's the thought that counts.
I'm trying.
Hey, great show tonight, right? And let's give another big round of applause for Tony Hawk! Thanks.
I had a great time tonight.
Did you? - I guess.
- You're kind of boring.
I know, I know.
You expected me to be more extreme.
What about you guys? Did you have fun? Hawkman out! Extreme!