Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s04e05 Episode Script


Hi there!
This is tansut welcoming you
to another sparkling episode of
Space Ghost coast to coast.
Strange British man Robin leach,
author merrill markoe,
and British pop sensation bananarama.
And now put your hands up to
your face and scream like a girl.
It's Space Ghost!
Greetings, y'all.
I'm Space Ghost.
Welcome to my incredibly entertaining,
comedy-style interview program,
where anything can happen and usually does.
On tonight's big, crazy-time joke show,
legendary chronicler of
high-living lifestyles Robin leach,
comedic author merrill markoe,
and musical guest bananarama.
Along with the usual Zorak Bladety-blah-blah.
And Moltar.
Bladety-blah-blah Stop it!
Please welcome an old, old,
old, old, old friend of mine,
host of lifestyles of the rich and famous,
Robin leach!
Spooky champagne wishes and
mysterious caviar dreams.
It's a great pleasure to have you here, Robin.
I'm delighted, privileged, honored.
Uh, Robin.
Moltar! Wake up back there!
We're losing Robin!
Moltar! Moltar!
Uh, what happened, Moltar?
I must have hit it with my knee or something.
Well, try to be more careful in the fut--
just get off my back, man!
All righty.
I'm here with Robin leach.
Thank you for joining us, Robin.
Space Ghost, thank you.
May your nights be happy and long.
But please take that cloak
to the cleaners, will you?
It's getting a little gray.
Forgot my wallet.
The cleaners were closed,
but I found this nice blouse in the gutter,
and I have fashioned a hat out of a fry box.
You need, um, you know,
a more tailored look to yourself.
Are you suggesting a prosthetic
abdominal augmentation enhancer?
Now you're talking, you see?
You know, Robin, you should do a show on me.
I wonder why.
Well, because I have a lot of class.
Just the other day, in fact,
I went out and got myself a blender.
It lets me blend just about anything.
Classy people are always blending stuff.
Now, I, too, can blend.
It would be a good show.
You think about it.
Yes, Space Ghost.
Now, Robin, all seriousness aside,
congratulations on the incredible success
of your show.
You must be very proud.
Back in 1982-83 when we started this
extraordinary show of looking at
the richest people in the world,
the most famous people in the world,
everybody said we were nuts.
We were crazy.
We should be carted off and
thrown away by the men in
the little white coats.
You probably know a few of the little men in
The white coats, don't you?
UhNo I don't know any
little white men in coats.
Yeah you do, Space Ghost.
You remember the nice men at the clinic.
I'm not going back there, zorak!
Secretive, Space Ghost.
Citizen Robin, do the rich and famous
require more oxygen than the average
They require more of everything.
They require more caviar, more champagne,
and more gas in their tanks--
and more cheese!
What they would do to get the
secrets of your safe flight
Would they take me to fancy places?
And the speed of your flight.
They would pay you millions of dollars.
Millions of dollars?
In fact, there's a couple of
multibillionaires who've authorized me to
try and slide some money under the table for you.
To reveal your secrets to me.
Power bands.
Power bands?
What is a power band?
These things right here.
They're for killing villains.
That's a little violent,
isn't it, in a day and age when
we should be seeking to get along with each other?
Yeah, well, me and zorak get along pretty well.
Don't we, zorak?
Where's zorak?
He's not here, chief.
Where is he?
Eating musical guests bananarama.
Hey, save some for me, daddy-o.
Robin, I have to apologize for
the actions of my bandleader.
He's quite a pill.
Well, I'd just get rid of him.
I'd just lay down the mantis-killer.
Just Yes Lay down the mantis killer.
You just pour powder around him in a circle,
bring in the witches,
and it's all over.
WitchesGood, good.
Puff the magic dragon gone.
Just issue the threat.
You hear that, zorak?
Puff the magic dragon!
I got your magic dragon right here.
Well, hello there, magic dragon.
What is this garbage?
And why am I not in it?
Where's the wine and champagne up here?
Excuse me?
Where do you keep it?
Didn't you get the vienna sausage tray?
That was for you!
This is it?
Uh, we had a little problem with the fridge,
so I'm not interested
in your problems.
I'm interested in my stomach.
Uh, look, Robin, we'll be finished
up here in just a few minutes,
and then we can all go out to dinner.
I've been kept too long as it is.
Now, where's the paycheck, Space Ghost?
Uh, the paycheck?
You haven't been very gracious to me.
Now, you listen to me, buddy boy
Surely Space Ghost is not stuck for words.
Give me a second!
Ok, I've got it!
Now you listen to me, buddy boy.
Your talent booking department
booked the wrong guest.
How do you mean?
I am, in fact, zoltran,
and I have been kidding you all along.
I have taken the identity of Robin
leach to fool you, Space Ghost.
And you have worked into my evil, ugly trap.
And now, in very quick order,
I will raise my arms cover myself
in black magic, and you are history!
That was funny.
Well, it looks like the "eyes" have it.
But not for long, zoltran.
Moltar, what are you doing?
I was about to blast zoltran.
I couldn't let that happen.
He's my Brother-in-law.
Merrill markoe is ready.
Merrill markoe Or zoltran?
I'm really sorry about that.
Linda, she's Listen, Moltar,
we can't have our guests being possessed
by your freeloading brother-in-law.
I know, I know, but I promised my wife--
I don't care what you promised.
We obviously need to tighten security
around here because that is not
going to happen again.
Wow! I'm in a satellite.
Halt, citizen.
Identify yourself.
By citizen do you mean me?
Identify yourself.
Well, I thought you booked me.
Maybe I did.
You don't know who I am?
Refresh my memory.
Refresh your memory.
Oh, great.
Merrill markoe is my name, and who are you?
I'm asking the questions here!
Do you have proper identification?
Yes, I certainly do.
Well, let's see it.
God, I'm getting carded.
This happens to me on every
one of these talk shows.
Come on! Come on!
Snap it up!
Ok, everything seems to check out.
You can carry on.
Now, do you always wear that hat?
It's not a hat.
I can't see you.
It's a cowl.
It's a who?
A towel?
Not a towel, a cowl.
With a "c."
Oh, well, why don't you take it off?
I can't see your eyes.
But it hides my secret identity.
Oh, well, who cares what your secret identity is?
WellMe for one.
What are you protecting?
What are you afraid of, Space Ghost?
My personal life is very
private and personal to me.
Well, then, what are you doing on television?
Ha! Ha! Ha!
You know, merrill This interview
should be more about you.
Are you getting enough oxygen?
No, I don't have a problem with that.
Now, explain to me, where are you?
I'm over here.
No, she means in space, stupid.
Like, relative to uranus and Mars,
would it be to the left, the right, what?
Over here, merrill.
I don't think you have any
idea where you are, do you?
I sure do.
And you're asking me who I am,
and you're asking me for information.
You have no idea where you are.
UhUm What kind of host are you?
Did it work?
Oh, yeah, zoltran.
It worked, all right.
I lost my parking space because of you, you jerk.
You run the show, so you have ultimate power.
No, see, that's what Linda tells you.
Do me a favor and give me a
call before you just decide
to possess the body of one of our guests.
How to I get back from here?
What, you got a broken leg? Walk!
You don't breathe oxygen?
For the last time, no.
What exactly do you breathe?
You breathe air.
It doesn't have oxygen in it?
SureIt has OxygenIn it.
I don't think you have any idea
what you're talking about, do you?
Just don't fluster me!
You've got me all flustered.
Fluster him!
Fluster him good!
Well, how old are you?
Good one.
Well, wait a minute.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Space Ghost, you're 30?
I thought you were a superhero in the '60s.
I was.
He was!
You were a superhero when you were born?
Just, like, as an infant you were a superhero?
You couldn't have been a superhero.
If you were a superhero in the '60s,
you'd have to be pushing 50.
At least.
Well, I'm not a math teacher.
You don't know the background, do you?
You just don't know your own background.
I am 30 years old.
You're not 30.
I am 30 years old.
You're closer to 50, aren't you, Space Ghost?
You're not 30.
Whoa, you're 50?
Wasn't me.
Magic dragon, I'm going to come
over there and nail your magic feet
to the floor.
Well, for a guy pushing 50,
I guess that's about as best as you can do.
Moltar Are you actually a ghost?
Of course I am.
I'm Space Ghost.
So, does that mean you're deceased?
Do a lot of deceased people go into
the talk show host kind ofField?
You know what?
I'm not deceased.
All right, all right.
Well, let's move on to something you can answer.
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