Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s06e07 Episode Script

Fire Ant

Is it--where--
That was awesome.
Moltar, that was awesome.
Thank you.
Now, if you would, come in here and attach a speaker to my head.
Um Why?
Because, Moltar, world hunger is
something that affects all of us.
Of course.
Conan, I have designed this speaker to amplify my thoughts
so people will quit asking me for sandwiches.
That should work, right?
I don't know what you're talking about, Space Ghost.
My show was Go ahead, Moltar.
Maybe I should go.
What are you talking about?
"Crash my brow"?
I'm sorry. I'm not
Did you say "prance-a-tron"?
Moltar, take this speaker off my head!
It was obviously a bad idea that you had!
Hey, you know, uh You.
Not a rush, but, uh, Alpha centauri's
gonna explode in about 15 seconds.
And you know of this?
Yeah! Some friends of mine are doing it.
Gas up the winch, and I'll need some longer straps.
So get me the catalog, my stationery, and There's no time!
Now hoist me to Alpha centauri at once! Away!
Wait a minute.
That's the wrong music.
Thank you. That's better.
Don't everybody go freaking out on me.
This has happened once before,
but I forgot what I did to fix it.
Eh, we poked you with sticks 'til you fell down, remember?
You sure I didn't harness the power of the sun?
No, it was definitely sticks.
Beaten with sticks.
All right. Go get 'em.
How's it going, man? Heh heh!
Ow! Ooh!
You see, the stick.
Not there! Ow! Ow! Oh!
Hello, conan!
What, are you still here?
Welcome to the program!
I'm sorry.
I thought the show was over.
It started?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Ok. Well, then greetings. I'm Space Ghost.
Space man.
Space Ghost.
You were a space man who died and became a Space Ghost.
I've always been dead, conan.
No one can always be dead, Space Ghost.
I was dead long before you were born, conan, and I'll be
dead long before you're dead.
Space Ghost is obviously a space man
who died and became a Space Ghost.
Now, I know you don't want the kids to know that you died--
But you died, baby!
You got to get down with that.
Face it, Space Ghost!
You're a space man that choked on a muffin!
That, sir, is impossible because I am allergic to muffins!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah. You're thinking of muffin hunter. He's different.
I saw that on the wb, actually.
They'll carry anything. Ha ha!
Well, they won't carry anything, conan, because I
pitched them a show where daffy duck and bugs bunny were
teenagers, and I was a teenager too, and we were all pirates,
but every week we would have different jobs and identities.
And they called back and said it was stupid!
Well And that I was stupid, too!
And let me tell you something, there's nothing stupid about
a teenage rabbit teaching good hygiene! Nothing!
Come on.
Let's just forget it!
Look at my hand, conan.
I'm looking at your hand.
That's what George Michael said.
Get it?
'Cause he had that problem?
Argh! Burning hair.
All right! Fire! Bwa ha ha!
Um, conan?
Yes? Can I help you?
Um. Pour gas on him!
Better get some water.
Space Ghost, you're fumbling.
Something's wrong.
Conan, have you ever, uh?
Light his other arm!
Have you ever Um, dog?
Does this say "dog"?
I guess I'll go from memory.
You know, when you first came on the air Uh-huh.
I thought, "this guy hasn't got a chance.
" And no offense Right.
But you know what I mean?
You're from space Yeah.
You're a cartoon, and your sixties
show didn't really go anywhere.
Well, it got me a camaro.
Well, your sixties show wasn't that great.
It was just so sophisticated It just wasn't! You were raw.
You were unmolded Clay.
Conan, I was improvising with monsters!
My mind was my script, and my brain my only writer
Come on, zorak!
Hoona igna chowa neha!
Hoona igna chowa-- are you ready to come back now, Space Ghost?
This thing, this thing would have been a hit.
It wasn't very good.
I know!
I only did it for two episodes, and it ruined my career!
Yeah, me, too!
I couldn't get work for five years.
So I had to steal things for money.
Yeah, me, too.
Now look at us!
They won't even animate us.
'Cause they hate us!
It's the worst show we've ever been involved in!
We wouldn't even cash our checks.
We didn't want the money!
We just wanted to be killed!
Conan, look at me when I talk to you.
Is it Moltar?
That's me. Yeah, Moltar.
I'm Moltar.
Shut up, Moltar.
You're Moltar, and you're zorak.
You know what?
It's Wallace now.
I'm Wallace, too.
Shut up, wall-tar Walltor. Moll-usk.
That's your name?
Let's say zorak was Wallace.
I am.
What would you do with wild Wallace?
I think what I'd do at first is I'd hold out my arms like this.
And shove him to death?
Oh, good one.
My apologies.
So what are you talking about?
A weapon that will blow his head off!
I don't have a weapon.
Well, that's very stupid.
And you won't make it in television.
So always have a weapon?
Yes. Or no.
Can it be a conventional earth weapon?
Ok. Uh, so a ray.
I'm confused 'cause there's so many-- no. Just forget it, ok?
How am I doing so far, Space Ghost?
Oh, great. Great.
Really great.
Do you really mean that?
Because I have a sincere meter, and you are way in the red.
Oh, that is a shame.
I am not showing any sincerity on this.
Well. I mean a real shame.
Yeah. Sure.
So, uh, what's your thing?
Like I care.
You're so unprepared.
Maybe if you sent less time polishing your titanium
interspace craft or adjusting the setting on your ray. If you
spent a little more time preparing for the interview,
maybe the interviews would go a little better.
Yeah, me, too.
You seem baffled, Space Ghost. What's wrong?
I'm looking at this ant.
I think this is the ant that bit me.
You're pathetic.
Hold on, conan.
That's it. Come on. Ow!
Try biting me now, ant, from the afterlife!
You know, I've been interviewed by all of them.
Regis, kathie Lee, Regis and kathie Lee.
I'd like to say that I think this show is very bad Ok.
And should be stopped.
I think you're a bad person.
And don't take this the wrong way All right.
But I think you represent evil Yeah.
And your presence makes any kind of
progress in the universe impossible.
Hold on a second, conan.
Moltar? This ant has come back from the dead.
It must be one of those self-repeating, immortal franken-ants.
It's probably just another, different ant.
A second ant? No, no.
It's his brother avenging the death of his twin.
It's his twin brother!
I'm gonna follow him home, kill his whole family.
Well, Space Ghost, at the end of an interview, it's
traditional for the talk show host to say,
"thanks for being here, conan.
This was conan o'brien. Check out his show on nbc at 12:35."
You didn't do that.
You completely blew me off.
For all these people know, my show is a cop show on, uh, fox
or something, thanks to you.
Isn't it?
Where you going?
The sand.
Anyone wanan do anyting?
Nah, I've done it all.
Hey, do you wanna, uh With you?
'Cause I don't have -- I have plenty of free time.
I have nothing -- hello?
You guys?
That's right.
You keep crawling, baby.
Okay, well, I'll just, uh, be here.
I'll be here in the morning if anyone .
Pants are so stupid.
I am going to so kill you.
This time tomorrow, you'll be dead.
You down with that? Hmm?
'Cause it's gonna happen.
Hey, your son just bit me here.
I wanna know what you're gonna do about it.
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