Speechless (2016) s03e18 Episode Script


1 How long do we have to wait here while Mom and Dad are in there partying? They're refinancing their debt.
With some dude named Chaz.
When is the last time someone didn't have a blast with a Chaz? Well, if you're looking for a good time, we are standing outside of a medical supply store.
- So? - So we go in there, pretend like we have enough money to buy a fancy microscope.
Next thing you know, we're looking at my saliva through the lens of a Hyperscope 2200.
"Hey! Is there some debt we can refinance?" Here you go.
Did she just No one pities my brother.
Let's do this.
Now, this is a party.
- [FUNK MUSIC PLAYS] - Fan out.
You go after her.
- I'll cut through the building.
- [TIRES SQUEAL] I'll go this way.
She's getting away! Hurry! Okay, I'm sorry, but they have an insanely good deal on scarves.
There she is! This scarf deal is even better! Ugh! I hate my scarf! [PANTING] "And that is why it is so offensive to assume someone needs your charity.
" Wow.
When you put it that way, I sincerely apologize.
"Apology accepted.
" Where are we? Really far from the bank.
Yeah, we're gonna need that fiver back for the bus fare.
I just gave him a $1.
That's all I have.
Come on.
I saw an ATM back there.
And finally, the most recently named moon of Jupiter, at an orbital inclination of 34 degrees, - we have Valetudo! - Boom! You like that?! You like that?! Darling, you keep asking that, and I keep saying no, but it doesn't stop.
We were just studying for the Quiz Bowl tournament.
JUSTIN: Oh, and thanks to your son, we are locks to bring home the trophy.
Is the trophy a shower chair? 'Cause JJ's is broken.
Gosh, if great segues are a Quiz Bowl category, I should really join your team.
But you're too old.
Go home, Justin Chang.
KENNETH: Maya? Come here.
I need you.
You don't drag me out of rooms! I drag you out of rooms.
Oh, come on, Kenneth! You need me! [HARMONIZING] N Never should have told you guys how much I hate barbershop quartet-like harmonies.
We won't stop until you agree To play the gigs with us Isn't that right ALL: Guys? Tell Jimmy he should have some fun.
They're trying to bully me into taking a weekly gig at a bar.
Gastropub, actually Well, that's fantastic.
Go for it.
Have some fun.
You know, go and wail on your shovel.
- Axe.
- Axe! That's why Eric Clapton called me a stupid idiot that one time.
Enough! I'll do the gigs.
Yeah! [LAUGHS] Well, good for you, love.
- Glen, were you on the fifth? - I was.
Ahhh - Ahhh - Ahhh Ahhh [DEEP VOICE] Room for one more Ahhh Damn, that's beautiful.
Mail call.
Dude, this is a check A big one.
S-O "Social Security benefits.
It was supposed to start when I turned 18.
This must be a year's worth.
" You get this for having a disability? [CHUCKLES] So "Do it.
Tell me I'm lucky.
" Geez! Not if you're gonna yell at me.
I bet you have to spend it on boring stuff.
"Living expenses," "income may not exceed" Yep.
It's boring.
"Still, getting to spend this much on anything makes me feel like a big shot.
" "I'd like to make it rain.
Too bad it's just one check.
Give me Mom and Dad's bills, too.
" If you won't give it to me, I'm-a take it Take it Sa-lang-un chom-go.
Sa-lang-un moon-uh-dah.
Kenneth, if I wanted to listen to gibberish, I'd have a conversation with you.
I'm going to this Korean wedding.
I volunteered to give a speech.
Hey, boning up on your Korean.
When you get yelled at in as many languages as I do at the airport, you pick up a thing or dul.
What night is your gastropub gig? I actually bowed out of that.
- Oh, no! - Jimmy! Yeah.
Bad time at work.
New supervisor came in, and she's kicking everybody's ass.
No, you want to do these shows.
- Eh - I'll help you handle the boss.
I know a little something about working for a woman who's domineering but who also gets your motor running.
Excuse me? Please.
Not you.
- Excuse me?! - Okay.
My boss does not get my motor running.
Also, no, thank you.
Can we just circle back It's Dr.
- I see it.
I see it.
I see it.
- She's got it going on.
- Right? - Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
What are you looking for today? "Everything.
" If you won't give it to me, I'm-a take it [SOFT MUSIC PLAYS] - [SCANNER BEEPING] - [SIGHS] "I kinda thought this would be more fun.
Got anything cooler?" Uh, this bracelet will call the cops if you die.
Listen, I've got practice, but they'll deliver this, and you've got your money.
You good to ride the bus home? Cool.
And you're sure you don't want anything else? ["TAKE IT" PLAYS] Take it No way! JJ, you are the king.
This is the same microscope Johns Hopkins used to discover a new STD.
There's a new STD? How did you afford this? "I've been saving money from my grocery store job.
" Thank you.
But why treat me? Mom, Dad, and Dylan need stuff, too.
Good idea.
Now, can you dance like a girl in a rap video for me?" For this? Yeah! ["TAKE IT" PLAYS] [EXHALES SHARPLY] You ready to win this? Is the Earth's mantle 8.
18% ferrous oxide? No clue.
I'm the history guy.
But I have a feeling you're about to go Horatio Nelson on these fools.
I have no idea who that is.
Our knowledge is siloed as hell.
How did regionals go last year? Dude, we've never made it this far Because we didn't have you.
I will not let you down, Justin.
I am focused.
Killer instinct locked in.
TAYLOR: Hi, Ray.
[WHIMPERING] Why are you here? Why is my ex-girlfriend here, and why is she still so hot?! [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [MAN SPEAKING KOREAN] Let's go! [MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] Yeah.
[CHUCKLES] These guys are pretty good.
Yeah, okay.
[SINGING IN KOREAN] [SINGING IN KOREAN] Jimmy's Korean?! Eep! Kenneth, what are you I'm friends with the groom.
I just gave a speech that killed.
There wasn't a dry eye in the hwajangsil.
What are you doing playing with the Seoul Brothers? They don't even spell "soul" Oh.
That's awesome.
Look, it's work.
I get $25 a gig, plus dinner.
No meat! You messed up the last song.
Yes, Yoon-Taek.
Why not play with your friends? I don't want to talk about it.
Just please don't tell Maya.
Now I got to go.
We're back on soon.
And, uh Yeah.
That signal from Yoon-Taek means I have to go smoke a cigarette while he watches.
MAYA: Hey, JJ.
What's up? What's with the hat? [GASPS] Did you remember my two-thirds birthday? God, I thought you bastards had forgotten.
"No, it's for everyone.
I haven't gotten anyone birthday gifts in a long time, so happy birthday.
" - JIMMY: Seriously? - MAYA: What?! JJ! Come on.
Aww! You got me a new circular saw! And bandages.
'Cause you remembered I'm clumsy.
MAYA: How could you afford this? Uh, yeah, JJ.
How cou you afford it? "I won it in a raffle at the mall.
" This cashmere blanket is like being back in the womb.
Go on feed me through my bellybutton.
"Got the blanket in a raffle, too.
" Thank you very much, son.
Come here.
Thank you, darling.
DYLAN: So interesting You win a raffle the same week you get that big check.
You know what I think? You bribed the organizers to put more slips in with your name on it so you'd have a higher chance Wait.
You just bought everything.
You know that's not what the money's for.
It's for you.
"Everything this family does is for me.
I love being generous.
Now I'm not just a taker.
I need that more than a shower chair.
" I didn't realize you felt that way.
Well if it's what you need [GASPS] JJ! It's not just generous [VOICE BREAKING] to know me so well.
[SINGING IN KOREAN] Aah! Dude, why are you playing gigs with some secret Korean band that seems to really hate you? I am playing with them because it's secret.
W Play with your guys.
Have some fun.
Kenneth, I appreciate the role fun plays in your life Fun car, fun clothes, fun relationships Hey! I've been with Melanie going on six weeks.
Gosh, wow.
How do you keep it fresh? But in families like ours, there's too much real stuff going on.
Maya and I don't have the bandwidth for a lot of silly fun on our own.
She said "It's fantastic.
Go for it.
" Because she had to.
Just like I would have to if she were the one having fun.
Maya and I don't want to do that to each other, so we each do our little things quietly.
It's a beautiful dance that we both hate.
Give Maya credit.
If she saw you toiling away like some sad white Pip The system works, Kenneth.
Just leave it alone.
That doesn't seem fun.
Ray! Ray! [NORMAL VOICE] Who discovered the neutron? [BEEP] - James Chadwick.
- MR.
POWERS: Correct! Oh, oh! That's time! Lafayette High wins and advances to the finals! Ohh! That was close, Ray.
I'm sorry.
I was just distracted that Taylor's here.
But of course she is.
She's got the mind of Einstein and the body of the cousin he married.
Elsa Lowenthal.
Just get over it quick.
We're playing her school in the finals.
She's coming over now.
Be strong! Got it.
Hi, Ray.
You did great up there.
Yes? I haven't seen you in forever.
You look good.
Well, good luck.
I'll murder my teammates just to feel your touch again! Dude, did you see the way she smiled at you? I think Taylor's still into you.
- Really? - This is good.
You can get her team's notes.
Then we'll definitely win.
Take the W, man For the team.
JJ, I so appreciate you lavishing us with gifts.
I can't believe you got these at a yard sale.
Thank you, darling.
"The pleasure is mine.
" I know it's the thought that counts, but, I mean, when am I gonna wear these? Yeah, it's getting out of control.
It is.
I mean, this is cool but, uh, the wires get hot.
[PANTING] Hide me from JJ.
I think he wants to give me Elton John tickets.
MAYA: What is this, Kenneth? Why am I here? You said you'd be happy for Jimmy if he played music with his friends.
Look what he's doing instead.
What? Who's doing where? What? Your husband The only not-Korean guy up there.
I see people on the stage, and they're all Korean.
They are not, and you know it.
I'm ending this.
Hey, Jimmy! Look who's here! - Who's here? - Seriously?! You're both sick.
You have to address this so you can Wow.
Jimmy, she really can't deal with Jimmy? I'm not getting any meat, am I? RAY: Mind if I join you? It's just really crowded in here.
Nice study guide.
There's so much to memorize.
But you probably don't need something like this.
It's all in your brain.
Don't sell yourself short.
You're a smart cookie.
Well, up against you, I feel crumby.
She's so funny.
Can I, uh, take a look at your study guide? It would be our own little secret.
Well, this is just part of it.
Here's the rest.
I divided it up by section.
I wasn't sure if I should put art with culture or history.
I chose culture.
Oh, Taylor, I missed this.
I missed your highlighting, I missed your color-coding, your handwriting that's so perfect, it looks like a font.
I missed this, too, Ray.
But what are you doing? Are you trying to win me or win the tournament? Okay.
Yes, I came in here planning to use my wiles to gain an advantage.
But forget the tournament.
I want you, Taylor.
I'll throw the tournament just to show you that you are what I want.
No, Ray.
Yes, Taylor.
Go now.
Tomorrow, this will be you.
[MOANING] [SMOOCHES, SIGHS] And my book bag will be you.
[EXHALES SHARPLY] [MUSIC SLOWS, DISTORTS] [GAGS] The one time I come in the library! MAYA: Oh, darling, I forgot to ask you, how was work last night? Lot of flights.
What'd you do? - Oh, I just stayed home.
- Cool.
[CLANK] What is this unhealthy Tennessee Williams-ass marriage nonsense?! You saw each other at a Korean wedding last night! - No, we didn't.
- No, we didn't.
That was super scary.
Maya, Jimmy plays in a wedding band, and he feels so bad about it that he hides it.
Tell him it's okay.
Jimmy, it's No, I'm sorry.
I can't.
I don't think it's okay.
I think he should be at work.
We have so much debt.
Why'd you have to show me that last night, Kenneth? 'Cause now that I know, he can't do it anymore.
Isn't that hypocritical? Once a week, you and Melanie say that you're working late, but you sneak out to a bar to get a glass of wine.
Damn it, Kenneth! Why'd you have to tell me that? Now I have to kill her weekly indulgence.
I'm sorry, hon.
It's all right, darling.
It's not your fault.
It's Kenneth's! For the record, twisted stuff like this is the reason why neither of you gets my motor running! "Everyone, you know how we are always saying we wish we had a custom oil painting of our family?" - Nope.
Never did.
- No, we do not.
"Well, I lucked into a coupon.
Please welcome" JJ, I just got off the phone with the Social Security office.
I was complaining that you haven't received your checks.
They looked at your file, and it turns out you have been receiving your checks.
You've just been spending the money on flashy gifts.
Well, I hope we can all laugh at this someday.
" [CHUCKLES] Oh, if you think that's funny, there's more.
When they looked at your file, they saw that you hadn't reported your earnings at the grocery store last year.
You shouldn't have got any money.
And now you have to return all of it.
MAN: Are you ready? He can't pay you.
[GRUNTING] That money's for your living expenses.
This is fraud.
MAYA: And we can't return any of the gifts, because if yours are anything like mine, they are covered in chili stains.
It's okay.
We'll help you pay it back.
RAY: "No! I will fix this myself.
Kenneth, could I take on more hours at the store?" You think that'll make a dent at you rate? Who do you think you are The deli guy? [CHUCKLES] Everyone knows the deli guys make a fortune, right? Do I overpay the deli guy? "I know what I have to do.
" Welcome, all, to the Lafayette High Quiz Bowl finals.
We canceled a basketball game to accommodate this.
Excuse me for dreaming.
Well, we didn't get Taylor's notes, but we'll still win.
We have Ray.
We'll crush them.
But losing wouldn't be a huge deal, right? Who needs a partial scholarship? Me! Let's begin.
He got into the trash.
Darling, the chocolate could kill him.
Make him vomit.
Look, I-I wanted to prove that your situation isn't so dire that you can't afford a little bit of fun.
So I-I took the liberty of digging into your financials.
What?! You had no right.
I wish I hadn't.
It's ugly.
Based on what you bring in and what you spend, you guys are gonna be bankrupt in two years.
Oh, no, that's impossible.
Dear God, he's right.
We're gonna be bankrupt in two years! No! It's bad! Sure is, but we're used to terrible.
Honey, it's just bad.
[BOTH LAUGH] No! No! See? No need.
I already stared, pretending to understand those numbers once.
Darling, we're gonna make some changes.
You're gonna play in your band and have fun And you have my blessing to go Smash commemorative plates at that funny little club down by the docks.
For two years.
Two years! [GROANS] [SCOFFS] Not my problem.
I'll be gone in a month.
There it is.
Here you go.
On the plus side, we're definitely gonna be late for the Quiz Bowl.
Final question is for Ray.
Answer correctly and win.
Answer incorrectly, and Holy Oaks Catholic are our champions.
[CLEARS THROAT] "The Earth's mantle is composed of 8.
18% what material?" Before I answer, I have to say something.
I considered throwing this contest to prove my love to a certain someone.
But there's no point.
We couldn't work.
We're too toxic together Like ammonia and methane, which creates hydrocyanic acid.
No points.
Taylor, maybe destiny will bring us together in 20 years on a park bench in Paris.
But for now I choose my team.
Aluminum oxide.
- Incorrect.
POWERS: Holy Oaks wins.
Maybe destiny has come early? JJ! What on Earth are you doing? We told you we'd find a way to cover it.
You don't have to beg from strangers.
"I don't want to beg from you.
I take so much from you.
And for once, I gave something back, and I just made it worse.
" JJ, what we give you is not charity.
You know that, right? We're your parents.
That's our job.
Besides, you'll pay us back.
"Yeah, yeah.
I'm what makes us special, blah, blah, blah.
" No, JJ, you're paying us back in money Real American dollars.
"I am? You see me that way?" Yeah.
When we say we believe in you, it's not just talk.
We're betting on you.
So let us help you out of this.
Then go be successful, give me my money like, fast.
Yeah, I want to see all the Major League baseball stadiums.
Well, what? If he's paying "It will be my pleasure in 20 years.
" Great.
No more panhandling, okay? Let's go.
Here you go.
Oi! How dare you?! What, just 'cause he's in a wheelchair? And he was begging five seconds ago? "Shame!" ["I GOT YOU BABE" PLAYS] [SINGING IN KOREAN] [SINGING IN KOREAN] [BOTH SINGING IN KOREAN] [MUSIC STOPS, FEEDBACK] [SHOUTING IN KOREAN] [CLEARS THROAT] He says he'll take it from here.
- Did he love it? - Oh, loved it! - Yes! - God.