Speechless (2016) s03e19 Episode Script


1 MAYA: Hello, Izzy.
Prom is a very special night.
JJ wants to spend it with you.
Why should you say yes? You two would have so much fun.
He knows how to treat a lady right.
He learned from the master.
He even knows that you like to dance, so he's been learning how.
Ow, damn it, JJ! JJ's an excellent student.
I've already given this promposal video an "A.
" The casting is inspired.
I even signed a document barring me from coming within 500 feet of the event.
And the best part is, when you say yes, I heard of this thing called a confetti cannon, and I'm gonna get one, and I'm gonna use it, and I'm gonna be all, "Yeeeeaaaah!" Oi! No confetti cannon! You only get one prom.
At this school, it's juniors and seniors, so two.
Also, JJ repeated senior year, so three, but he didn't have a date for those.
- Go to prom with JJ.
- Go to prom with JJ.
I really won't be there.
ALL: Go to prom with JJ! MAYA: "Will you go to prom with me?" - That was amazing, bud.
- Don't change a thing.
- It's perfect.
- I have one thought.
What? Fly me to the moon Let me play among the st "May I have this dance?" ars You don't dance.
Let me see What spring is like "I think you'll find that you're wrong.
" Kinda [BLEEP.]
with my phrasing.
piter and Mars In other words Hold my hand In other words Baby, kiss me You learned this? What for? "A special girl and a special night.
" [BEEP.]
MAYA: Hello, Izzy.
Oh prom.
That is so sweet, JJ, but I don't want to go to prom.
Wait, but, wh what do you mean? Look, I signed up for the prom committee.
I had this whole "Grease" theme planned, '50s costumes, we were gonna bring in a car to take pictures in.
I mean, doesn't that sound cool? Sorry, I haven't heard anything but screaming up here since you said "no.
" And then Colleen Pratt swoops in with her dumb "Heaven" theme and everyone jumps on it because her mom owns a froyo place and gives them free toppings.
It's wrong.
"Izzy, that's silly.
Just come.
" But I don't want to.
"If you cared about me, - you would.
- "If you cared about me, you wouldn't force me to.
Look, you can go, just not with me.
"Yeah, right.
You don't care if I go to prom with someone else? 'Cause I will.
" Be my guest.
He didn't want the cannon, and she said no! - What are you talking about? - She said no? Firin' up the "no" cannon! MELANIE: Thank you so much.
We're very excited about the new line.
Sorry, Maya and Melanie are on an important phone call with the bank.
I'm kind of the third partner.
Oh, one thing I've been dying to know What is the company? They make adaptive clothing for people with disabilities.
Okay, cool.
And it's "Fun Pantssssssss" with eight S's? It's really not.
We have a great ad campaign already.
You can't see it, but I'm holding up the poster.
It's got both of our sons on it.
CHRISTINE: Everything looks good.
I mean, your projections are a little rosy.
- I'm sorry? Rosy? - Well, it's hard to imagine you can go global in a year.
Well, it's not hard for me to imagine.
I'm actually imagining it right now.
There, I just imagined it again.
I know you believe in this company, but you need to be realistic.
Oh, please.
I will take your advice when your bank can figure out how to keep a bloody pen on a chain.
I reject your loan offer.
- Didn't make one.
- And know this, Christine [AS MAYA.]
I apologize for my outburst.
I take it all back.
Please give us the loan.
- What the - You gotta have an impossibly perfect Maya impression to get you out of situations like this.
I do.
I don't think this is gonna work out.
- Good luck to you.
- You know what, Joyce? Can you please print out the notes to that so we can see what we all did wrong? I cannot believe Izzy turned you down.
No one rejects my brother.
- Aww.
- JJ.
Almost caught you supporting me.
Ya gettin' sloppy! "It's fine.
Izzy and some friends are getting together to watch 'Grease' in protest.
I'll probably join.
" What? So she wins? "It's called 'compromise.
'" Compromise on prom? Promcomise? That's got a great ring to it, but it's no reason to do it.
"It's taken me so long to find someone.
I can't mess it up over some dance.
" Ray, you have to help him.
- You're the guy.
- Well, I know what I'd do, but I also know it's what I'd do, so I know it'd fail.
But it would be JJ doing it.
So, my Ray schemes run through an irresistibly charming person.
What a wonderful controlled experiment to see whether I suck! Well, she said JJ can go with someone.
- He should do that.
- Ooh, that would make her so jealous.
But who would he take? Hello, Beyoncé.
Hello, Miss Wyoming 2017.
"What are you doing?" Finding you a date for prom.
You made a great video, so Mom's recording the names of every girl you've ever said you were attracted to.
We cut them in and ship 'em.
Hello, Justice Sonia Sotomayor.
The net is wide.
Izzy's gonna be jealous.
"No one on this list will say 'yes.
'" If one does, will you go? [JJ SIGHS.]
Go nuts.
" - Hello, Emma Watson.
- Actually, cut her.
JJ and I have made a gentlemen's agreement not to try and pursue her for - peace in the family.
- I see.
Emma, there's no easy way to tell you this MELANIE: [SIGHS.]
Maya, I have good news about our loan.
Did they call back? Have they reconsidered? - [LAUGHTER.]
- Oh, God, no.
But I did find us an investor, - and he wants to talk to us.
- Who is it? He's an old friend from business school.
He's filthy rich! Yeah, how'd he get his money again? Oh, his parents died in a plane crash, and then he got their money.
See, I should've done that.
I have a very good feeling about this, but we cannot have a repeat of what happened on that call.
We're here to help you.
You're too sensitive to criticism.
Uh, Jimmy has a plan to help toughen you up.
That sounds ominous.
No, come on.
It'll be fun.
Just come.
Why do you have handcuffs? Grab her! CASSIDY: Hey, JJ! It's child star turned immediate serious thespian Cassidy Chambers here.
I saw your video, and it's so cute, and so are you, and I would love to go to prom with you.
That ought to make Izzy jealous, huh? What do you say? [TIRES SQUEAL.]
"From Mom's clothing line.
She's getting good.
" Okay, Maya, you're gonna ask this Blair guy for a bunch of money, and you're gonna be professional.
We're gonna try a kind of exposure therapy.
We've brought some people in, and they're gonna subject you to the one thing you really can't take Criticism.
Okay, now, let's say someone says something to you, and you want to say, "That's absurd!" Instead, you'll say, "Interesting.
" Instead of calling somebody an imbecile, you'll say, "Huh, interesting.
" Instead of telling somebody to eat bleep and then your bleep, you would say Wait for it "interesting.
" Does this strike anybody else as overkill? No.
You are a thin-skinned hothead.
- Oh, I'll show you! - Oh! Very good, very good, very good.
Yeah, nice touch, right? Honey, you do not have the skin to pull off jewel tones.
Fun Pantssssssss with eight S's is a terrible business name.
You hide behind this whole crusading-special-needs-mom act, but deep down you're a little, pathetic narcissist who's too self-absorbed to notice how everyone really feels about her.
And thank you for calling me little.
Wow, Jimmy.
When you work a dead-end job like mine, you learn a thing or two about licking boots.
Or you die.
I'm not sure which category I fall into.
Who even was that last guy? I think Ray took - one swim lesson from him.
- Oh.
DYLAN: "I can't believe you're here.
What made you agree to come?" I already said l thought you were cute.
"I'll never try to use this hand effectively and fail again.
You're so funny.
Sorry, I snort when I laugh.
Anyway, I, uh I also wanted some insight about your experience, because we're doing this movie right now, and it's about a character who's in a wheelchair, and I just feel like we might be on the wrong side of some disability issues.
- What makes you say that? - Um, all the super angry people, - uh, protesting every day in wheelchairs.
- DYLAN: Huh.
"Who's playing the person in the wheelchair? Bingo, me.
" Actually, I'm not in the chair the whole time.
See, I dance in the second half after I get healed.
- "Oh.
" - So, basically, I want to die because I can't walk, which means I can't dance, which is, like, what I'm born to do, so right before I throw myself off the cliff Oh.
Some Some rewrites, maybe.
"Let's talk about this later.
So, I heard you have an album coming out.
I didn't know you sang.
" Yeah, if you guys are lucky, maybe I'll do a little cut off of it tonight.
Cassidy Cassidy, Cassidy Cha-a-a-ambers DYLAN: "So let's hear more about this movie!" PROTESTORS: [CHANTING.]
Nothing about us without us! - Nothing about us without us! - RAY: So, I'm guessing from their signs and angry chants, that they're a wheelchair dance troupe that hates you? Nice that they followed you here.
- You have such loyal protestors.
- Right? Hi MELANIE: Okay, boys.
By the time you're back, we'll be rich or sad.
Either way, we'll be drunk.
You're gonna do great, hon.
Here, I want you to have this.
Your lucky laser pointer.
From when I was interning as an architect.
This was before every jackass had one, and it killed.
I once convinced a guy to put an elevator in a one-story house with this baby.
Thank you, darling.
You know what? Will you stay? You've been so helpful with the laser pointer and the lessons on dullness.
Professionalism, but, yeah, potato, Po-tah-to.
If you think it would help, - Melanie, do you mind? - MELANIE: Oh, I'd love it.
I don't want to be alone when this carriage turns back into an angry pumpkin.
- [GASPS.]
- This is it.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, we've got a product we believe in.
We've got an investor who's excited.
We've got me, who talks like this, apparently.
Let's do this.
- Mel! - Oh, my God! - Blair! - Come here.
Good Lord, - oh, it feels like yesterday.
- Crazy.
- So great.
- Oh, it's so good to see you.
- MELANIE: Come in, come in, come in.
Meet the group.
Blair, this is my fab partner, Maya.
- Maya.
- And her husband, Jimmy.
- Jimmy.
- And this is Kenneth.
He was just leaving.
- 'Sup.
- Good to meet you guys.
Long hug.
You two have a past? Oh.
I mean, there was a time when - Right.
- Maybe, but then I was seeing someone, - and then he was seeing someone, and so - Yeah.
And then she got married, and then I got married.
Then I-I got divorced.
And then she got divorced.
I'm still down there somewhere.
They are killing me over there.
People are gonna post this, and Izzy's gonna see there's nothing to be jealous about.
So, lose the part where I tell my fiancé to marry my best friend because I want him to have a life.
Then we get to go straight to the part where I ask the other dancers to throw me off the cliff because I'm disabled.
No, that's That's bad, too.
This is gonna be a really short movie.
- RAY: There's zero chemistry.
It's like watching me talk to Mom.
You wish you and Mom had this little chemistry.
Okay, I'm going in.
Super-interesting conversation.
Why not have it on JJ's lap? Oh.
Okay, say "this photo sells me as an ally to the disability community"! Jump on it Jump, jump, jump on it Jump on it, jump on it Jump, jump, jump on it MAYA: But why tell you about our product When we can show you? Uh, yeah, we don't have to do the ripping of the clothes, part.
Actually, I'd like to see the product.
Yeah, I bet you would.
You do realize they've got clothes on underneath.
Oh, then I'm good.
It's a joke.
- Kenneth, quick word? - Allow me.
What the bloody hell was that? Now, I understand that my being under control leaves an "irrational vacuum," but it is not yours to fill.
Be calm, Kenneth.
If I can do it, so can you.
These models, they just don't have the right look.
- What's that, then? - MELANIE: Oh, um, Blair was just saying that maybe we should switch out the, uh, temp models.
What's wrong with the permanent models? See, Blair, um, the thing is, they're our kids.
Oh, well, that explains it.
We'll get pros.
Sweet kids They just don't pop.
Ah, really? Because he's out on a date with a hot celebrity right now, so I hardly think that you are the arbiter of pop-age.
Yeah, and not to mention, Sonia Sotomayor's people sent him an autographed picture.
- Is there a problem? - Oh, I would say so, you Interesting man who controls the fate of your business.
No, Jimmy, I just don't care.
I can turn a deaf ear to a lot of things, but you did not prepare me to listen to some plane-accident tycoon insult my son.
I don't have to listen to this.
Blair, I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry.
No, I am not.
You leave this instant! - Eh.
It's actually not a great photo, is it? [DANCE MUSIC PLAYS.]
Great news, JJ.
Izzy saw the stuff online.
She said she should've come to prom.
She's on her way now.
DYLAN: "She's coming?" My plan worked! I never get to say that! "I was so afraid to push back.
Now? Me, in the power position.
- I like it.
" - Okay.
I'll go tell Hottie Mc-Abelistto take a hike.
"No, I'm not stopping.
If Izzy caved because of some pictures, imagine when she sees me with her.
" But it's over, you won.
CASSIDY: Great news.
I just got off with the director, and the basketball team no longer wins the finals after bouncing the winning shot off my head.
Listen, it's time to get real JJ has a girlfriend.
We invited you here so she'd hear about it - and get jealous.
- She's on her way now, so let's end this date - and go to her.
- No, no, no.
No, no.
Uh My eyes are open now.
I, the able-bodied person, am no longer making decisions for the person with a disability.
I love being woke.
I'm begging you.
JJ, it's up to you.
What do you want to do? RAY: "I want to boogie.
" Ooh, let's party! Unh, unh, unh, unh We've created a monster.
We've created a Me.
What the hell was that? Oh, gah, there will be other investors.
How can you blow a shot like that? Is this business real to you? Or is it just an excuse to wear suits and take trips to Kinko's? Well, I think it can be both.
I mean, sorry.
I envy you.
'Cause I can't just suck it up, you know, I'm not like you.
I'm not like me.
Y-You think I like going to work, punching a clock, and licking boots? I do it for our family and I support you following your dream if it matters.
But if it doesn't matter enough to take seriously, move aside.
I miss having a job I care about.
I miss my pointer.
And if we're handing out dreams, I'll take one, and I'll use it.
Izzy, you got here so fast.
What'd you take, the South Coast Highway? Actually, you know what? That's silly to talk about roads.
Why don't we go hop in my car and you can show me the roads! Ray, no.
I really want to see JJ.
Ooh, they're playing our song! [CHUCKLES.]
Where is he? Oh.
There it is.
Now it's a Ray plan.
RAY: I-Z "Izzy!" W-A "Wait!" I can't read the board from here, but I gotta be close.
IZZY: Go away! I'm not coming out until the dance is over.
And I recognize I'm being dramatic in the drama room, and I don't care.
"I didn't have to do this.
I should've been more willing to compromise.
" DYLAN: You're probably right.
But you pronounced "promcomise" wrong.
I'm out of bad ideas.
You want to just wait here? "Get me that in a" M-E "medium.
And one of those.
- MAYA: Jimmy, you're right.
I didn't take it seriously enough.
I'll apologize to that man.
Stupid, stupid man.
You knew he made Kenneth uncomfortable.
I think on some level you were defending him.
That'd be so nice if it were true.
I should really apologize to you.
I never considered that while I was chasing my dream, you were getting left behind.
But we're gonna change that, Jimmy.
You have waited long enough.
Thank you, hon.
I love wah! Pew! Pew-pew! Yeah.
Baby, I'm back! Izzy? It's me Dylan.
The prom's over.
JJ knew you didn't want to see him, but he's got something to tell you.
When you're ready.
Are you still in there? [DOOR OPENS, HINGES CREAK.]
Izzy, it's me Dylan.
I was impulsive and irrational, and my family has sacrificeda lot to be here, and my business partner's worked very hard.
They deserve better, and so do you.
I really apologize.
Are you still interested? Sure, I can handle a little passion.
I mean, look at Melanie and me, right? - [LAUGHTER.]
It's gonna be so much fun working with you.
DYLAN: Yeah, I lied about it being over.
I got chills They're multiplyin' And I'm losin' CASSIDY: [OFF-KEY.]
Control 'Cause the power You're supplyin' You got me my "Grease" theme.
Not bad.
You better shape up 'Cause I need a man "I also got some help from outside.
" Nothin' left for me to do You're the one that I want You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey The one that I want You are the one I want Cassidy: Whoo, hoo, hoo, honey! Whoo! I love you, wheelchair people! Great! Don't call them that! I'm sorry, delete that part! I'm learning! You're the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey You are the one that I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh MAYA: Hello, architecture firm.
Meet Jimmy DiMeo.
I'm sorry.
What is this for? Consider Jimmy for all of your entry-level architecture needs.
Jimmy DiMeo is not licensed to practice architecture in the state of California or in any other states.
So why take a chance on Jimmy? Leadership experience! [CONFETTI GUN POPS.]
Likes buildings! [CONFETTI GUN POPS.]
Yeeeeaaaah! [CONFETTI GUN POPS.]
MAYA: And he has one of these.
So hire Jimmy DiMeo.
Hire Jimmy DiMeo.
Hire Jimmy DiMeo.
You guys! A-And you sent this to every architectural firm within 100 miles? [CHUCKLES.]
What contact info did you put on it? We're making a new video.