Sports Night (1998) s01e07 Episode Script

Dear Louise

Dan: You can catch|all that action on "CSC On Campus With|Stan Myers" coming up|at the top of the hour.
And you won't want|to miss championship|billiards at 1:00 A.
M.
Yoshira Yatsimura|takes on Greta Lipsik for the 9-ball crown, and when those two get together,|it's a barn burner.
Casey: That's all for us.
I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
And if you've had half as|much fun watching the show|as we've had doing it, well, then we've had twice|as much fun doing the show as you've had watching it.
|That's "Sports Night.
" -- See you tomorrow.
|-- Good night.
-- Music.
|-- Go.
[ Up-tempo music plays ]|-- Roll credits.
|-- Go.
We're out.
Nice show, everybody.
-- What are you doing tonight?|-- Going to sleep.
-- Come out with me.
|-- Where? El Perro Fumando.
-- The Smoking Dog.
|-- Yes.
Why? If you wear something blue,|you get two dollars off|a giant blue margarita.
You know, I make|a pretty good living.
I can actually afford to wear|what I want and pay full price.
I'm not promoting the economic|upside as much as I am the opportunity to drink|something giant and blue.
I'm going to bed.
-- Dana's coming.
|-- Dana's coming? And you know what|that can lead to.
"Boogie Shoes.
" # My, my, my, my,|my boogie shoes # I'm in.
Hey, Jeremy,|we're going to this place|called El Perro Fumando, where, if, what,|you wear a thing, then|something else happens -- for $2 less than|it would've before.
|-- Come with us.
Here's the thing --|if Dana gets, like,|half a margarita in her, there's a better than even|chance she'll get up on a table and start dancing|to "My Boogie Shoes.
" I did it one time.
El Perro Fumando? The Flaming Dog.
Smoking Dog.
Not The Flaming Dog? The dog's not gay.
I wasn't suggesting|the dog was gay.
I was suggesting|the dog was on fire.
He's not smoking on fire.
|He's smoking a cigarette.
-- He's smoking a pipe.
|-- He's smoking a cigar.
I say he's gay.
Come on out with us.
No, I'll catch up later.
Work's over, Jeremy.
It's time for big, giant|blue things at $2 off.
I just wanted to write a quick|letter to my sister, Louise.
|She's a sophomore at Amherst.
-- You write letters?|-- I write to Louise.
That's nice.
I haven't|written a letter in years.
I do everything|by phone now.
My sister can't hear.
Ah.
well, catch up|with us when you're done.
And wear something blue.
You want me to stick|around for company? -- Me?|-- Yeah.
I can stick around.
No, no,|I've got everything --|word processor, envelope.
-- Okaystamps?|-- Okay.
Oh, I actually don't|have a stamp to speak|of, but that's okay.
I've found that when|I need a stamp, one materializes.
I never know where|one's gonna come from, but they always do --|stamps.
I haven't found that.
I've|found that when I need a stamp,|there's never one around.
This was back when l|used to write letters.
When I used to write letters,|I could never find a stamp.
Hey.
Can you guess|what I'm thinking now? That no one gives|a damn about me and|my history with stamps? -- Bull's-eye.
|-- Mmm.
You'll come by later,|though, right? Sure.
How do we know|the dog is a he? "El Perro" is masculine.
Sounds like Dana's translation|has him leaning another way.
Jeremy: [ Thinking ]|Dear Louise Dear Louise, it's a little|after midnight on Thursday, and I'm sitting in the middle of the main newsroom|at "Sports Night.
" I can't even begin to describe|how much I love this place.
I've only been here|three months, but it feels a lot|like home to me.
Some of the guys asked me to go out with them|after the show tonight.
That's never happened before.
I'd kinda like to join them, so I'm gonna make this|a short one.
In your last letter, you asked|me what Dan and Casey are like.
And I can't wait to tell you|all about them in person, but, for now, I'll just say that as impressive|as they are on the air, the thing that|constantly amazes me is that the pressure|of writing and performing a live show every night|never gets to them.
-- What's going on?|-- Where have you been? Well, I was in Editing.
|Kim said there was an emergency.
-- It is an emergency.
|-- Is it your mom? -- What's wrong with my mom?|-- I'm asking.
-- It's not my mom.
|-- Well, what is it? -- Why did you say|it was my mom?|-- I didn't say it was your mom.
Yeah, but you jumped to that|right away, which makes me think there's something wrong with|my mom, Casey.
What's wrong|with my mom, man? Danny, Danny, I'm on|deadline here.
Is there|an emergency or not? Yeah.
Well, what? It's pretty serious.
What? I have writer's block.
You have writer's block? I have writer's block.
-- Emergency writer's block?|-- I'm telling you.
[ Sighs deeply ] All right, how long? A while now --|about 20 minutes.
Just cool down.
|You're gripping, that's all.
Talk me through this.
Well,|are you totally lost? I'm totally lost, man.
I'm in the tall grass.
|I'm in the weeds! All right, all right,|listen to me.
We're the best, okay?|The very best.
-- Yeah?|-- Well, maybe not the best,|but we're pretty good.
-- Right.
|-- I put us easily into|the top 30 or 40.
Okay, this isn't helping me.
-- Hey, look at me.
|We've won awards.
|-- Ah, you've won awards.
-- You've won awards.
|-- I haven't won awards.
You've been nominated|for awards.
-- It's not the same.
|-- Sure it is.
That's easy for you to say --|you've won awards.
Hey, look, we write the news.
|It's not like we're hurting|for story ideas.
-- What's the problem?|-- I can't write.
I mean exactly|what's the problem.
-- Exactly?|-- Yeah.
I can't write! -- What are you working on?|Red Wings/Flyers.
All right.
Let me see.
[ Chair wheels rattling ] "The Flyers played the Red Wings|in a hockey game last night, and they won four to three.
" You see? This is more serious|than I thought.
Morning, gentlemen.
-- Hey, lsaac.
|-- Morning.
Jeremy:|Isaac Jaffee is the managing|editor of "Sports Night.
" He's led a pretty|remarkable life.
He started out as a stringer|for the Atlanta Journal, won a Pulitzer Prize|for his coverage of|the Gemini missions, and retired as London|bureau chief for CNN.
But his passion|has always been sports.
Three years ago,|when Luther Sachs|bought Continental Corp.
and announced|that he was starting|a cable-sports division, Isaac came out of retirement.
-- lsaac.
|-- Dana.
How are you this morning? My 1 6-year-old daughter|is dating a Republican|in her class named Chad.
Chad's a 16-year-old|Republican? -- That's right.
|-- I didn't know 16-year-olds|had party affiliations.
Chad was just|elected president of the Connecticut Young|Black Republican caucus.
He has a 3.
9 GPA, he is co-captain of|the lacrosse team, he plays the French horn, and does volunteer work|at a crisis hotline.
Sounds wonderful.
Dana, did you hear me?|He's a Republican! A lot of folks are running|in that direction|these days, lsaac.
Yeah? Well, I don't want 'em|sniffing around my women.
What are you gonna do? What any reasonable man|would do -- I'm calling a|building contractor and|installing a dungeon.
[ Laughs ] -- Excuse me, lsaac.
|-- Good morning, Natalie.
Have you ever heard of someone|named Archibald Russell? -- Archibald Russell?|-- Yeah.
Doesn't ring a bell.
-- Okay.
|-- Why? Uh, Kelly Kirkpatrick just|called in from Kansas City.
She was scanning, and she|picked up a police report on|a guy named Archibald Russell who was carjacked this morning|and beaten up pretty bad.
She thought the name|sounded familiar, and|she asked me to ask you.
No.
-- Rundown's in five minutes.
|-- Okay.
What was I saying? You were building a dungeon to incarcerate any|Republican suitors.
And a moat -- a big moat.
[ lndistinct talking ]|Jeremy: There are four|rundown meetings a day -- noon, 6:00, 8:00, and 10:00.
I'm sure that in no time|I'll have forgotten about it, but at the moment, I can't stop thinking about the|noon rundown a few weeks ago and a guy you've never heard of|named Archibald Russell.
[ Talking continues ] Oh, by the way, lsaac?|I got the 4-1 -1 on that man,|Archibald Russell.
He was a pitcher with the|old Kansas City Monarchs.
Archibald Russell? Yep.
-- Oh, good Lord.
|-- What? Archibald Russell was A.
K.
|I knew him as A.
K.
He was beaten up? A.
K.
Russell? He was carjacked this morning.
|They dragged him from his car.
-- He's in surgery right now.
|-- You know him? Sure, I know him.
|Sweetest man in the world.
|Terrific ballplayer.
Nobody noticed him because he played on the same|team as Gibson and Jackie.
Aw, hell, I gotta find|his kids and call them.
We'll find them for you.
Dana, do the story, would you?|Somewhere up front.
Yeah.
Jeremy,|put together something on an old Negro League pitcher|named Archibald Russell.
He's in Mercy Hospital|in Kansas City.
Yeah, it's no problem.
|But I don't know if we can|fit it anywhere up front.
-- Sure we can.
|-- No, we've got 4 top-25 games, plus we'll probably have|some word on Tyson, and we're gonna want to put the|Lakers/Knicks in the first 10.
-- We'll do it anyway.
|-- Well, I'm just saying,|is there really room for a story with,|at best, local interest|in Kansas City mayb--? We'll put it up front, lsaac,|right before the first break.
-- Thank you.
|-- Back here at 2:00.
Jeremy: I felt terrible for|suggesting that the story Iacked the importance to be|placed in an early segment.
But as terrible as I felt then, it was nothing compared to what|I was gonna feel that night.
Dan: A disheartening|road trip for the Miami Heat.
Said Pat Riley|after the game, "If you can't play|defense, you can't play|in the NBA.
" Casey? Archibald "A.
K.
" Russell is probably not a name|you're familiar with, unless you were|lucky enough to watch|the Kansas City Monarchs play baseball the way it|was meant to be played.
He had 3 20-win seasons, he's an associate pastor at|the Berry Hill Baptist Church, and, oh yeah, taught himself|how to read and write.
He was driving|the Cadillac Seville that his 4 sons had given him|for his 80th birthday when he stopped for|a red light this morning.
He was dragged from his car,|beaten with sticks and bottles, and left at the side|of the road.
A.
K.
's in critical condition in|Mercy Hospital in Kansas City, and the thoughts and prayers|of everyone here are with him.
We'll be back after this.
We're out.
Thank you.
Jeremy: And then Kim|came in with the note.
[ lndistinct whispering ] Chriswe'll need a graphic.
Yeah.
Elliott, can you|get me a year? '1 7 -- 191 7.
Dan, Casey? Guys, A.
K.
Russell was|just pronounced dead.
-- Okay?|-- [ Sighs ] Yeah, all right.
You got the graphic|locked in? Yeah.
Show it to me, please.
[ Keyboard clicks ] We're back in two minutes.
[ Up-tempo instrumental music|plays ] You like it? Casey: Yes.
Really? It's very nice.
Elliott, are you telling me|the ice cleared, the goalies|came out of the net, and they just started|going after each other? Yeah, threw their gloves|off and everything.
-- I don't mean to harp on this,|but you really like it?|-- What? Yes.
They threw|their gloves off? -- Yes.
|-- And we didn't have|any film on this? -- Technically,|it's just one glove.
|-- How is it one glove? -- Goalies wear one glove|and one catcher's mitt.
|-- It's a first baseman's mitt.
-- Catcher's!|-- First! Oh, who gives a damn?|We didn't get any film.
Casey? Uh, would you please tell|Dana her hair looks good.
-- Your hair looks good.
|-- Your hair looks good.
[ Chuckles ] Thank you.
Jeremy: Dana Whitaker|is the executive producer of "Sports Night, "|a great accomplishment|for a woman her age.
She got her love of sports|from her father and 6 brothers, one of whom plays|for the Denver Broncos.
She got her education|from a series of exclusive|all-girls schools that her mother|insisted she attend so that she wouldn't|grow up to be like her|father and 6 brothers.
The result is an irresistible|combination of brilliance|inside the office and something a little|less than brilliance|anywhere outside of it.
Excuse me.
|Uh, uh, uh, uh, ooh! [ Hinges creak ] You don't like|my hair at all.
Dana, I -- Casey! Gordon's taking me|to Gracie Mansion tonight for a dinner|with the mayor.
Exactly what consequence|will befall you if the mayor is displeased|with your hair? -- You don't think he's|gonna like my hair?|-- Dana Caseyyou want to talk|in your office? Why would I want to talk|in my office? I think you're having|some Gordon issues.
I'm not having|Gordon issues.
-- You are.
|-- I'm not.
-- Little issues.
|-- I'm really not.
Let's talk in your office.
Jeremy: The Casey-Dana saga|is pretty much this -- Dana thinks that Casey's|jealous of her relationship with Gordon, her new boyfriend,|which he is.
Casey claims he has no interest|in Dana one way or the other,|which he does.
Dana knows how Casey feels|and does her best to|be sensitive with him.
Do you feel inferior|because he's a lawyer? I don't feel inferior.
And if I felt inferior, it wouldn't be because|he's a lawyer.
Would it be because of his|obvious physical prowess? I really couldn't comment|on his prowess.
Though God knows I could.
You think that I'm jealous of|Gordon because he's a lawyer? You have an envy of|postgraduate degrees --|always have.
Do you have a sense of|exactly what day you turned|into a lunatic woman? Gordon Gage --|B.
A.
, M.
A.
, J.
D.
He's got an M.
A.
, too? See ya! By the way Read in the paper this morning|about Sammy Galino.
You can't mention that.
-- Really?|-- No, seriously, Casey, when|Gordon gets here, you can't make fun of|the Sammy Galino thing.
I think I can.
Casey, he and his team|worked for 4 1/2 years to build a case|against Galino.
This would have been a huge|blow to organized crime in|Brooklyn and the whole city.
They worked 18-hour days.
|They wanted this --|there is no comedy here.
Sure there is.
-- What?|-- He lost! Casey, when -- Dana, I work in|a bottom-line business.
You win or you lose,|and Deputy Gordon lost.
Please don't call|him Deputy Gordon.
He hasn't made deputy? He is the assistant|U.
S.
attorney for|the Southern district, and this was a very tough|loss, so I don't want|you to say anything.
I wouldn't say anything.
I'm grateful to him as|any good citizen would be.
Organized crime is a scourge|that affects us all, and I just thank God he won.
No, wait -- he lost.
Casey, I'm serious.
You betcha.
[ lndistinct talking ] How's the writer's block? You're gonna need to get|someone to fix my computer.
What's wrong with it? It's in several pieces|on my floor.
Jeremy: The writer's block|that Dan had experienced that one morning had continued|on through the afternoon|and into the early evening.
There's nothing that Dan|likes more than writing, so this day was particularly|tough on him.
And I want to ask for|your patience and support|during this period.
Okaywhy did that happen? Shock therapy.
-- Shock therapy.
|-- Leave this to me.
I'm gonna knock the writer's|block right outta ya.
By throwing water|in my face? By surprising you|with the unexpected.
That was step one.
|There's not gonna be|any more water.
What's step two? [ Laughter ] I thought you said there wasn't|gonna be any more water.
It was surprising|and unexpected.
Yes, it was.
Hey, look who's here.
Hey, Casey.
Hey, Gordon.
|Listen, Dana told me you were a little down|about the verdict in your trial, so I just wanted you to know|I'm not gonna do any jokes.
I'm not going to give you|a hard time.
I appreciate it.
So, this, uh,|party at Gracie Mansion -- must be going|pretty late.
Yeah, we'll catch|the tail end of it.
Do you think the mayor's|gonna chew you out for so spectacularly|blundering the case? I don't actually|work for the mayor.
I work for the|U.
S.
Department of Justice.
And a hell of a year|you guys have been having.
You know, Casey I won't deny this|hasn't been my finest hour, but there's really|nothing you can say|that's gonna rattle me.
I'm just happy to be here,|happy to be talking to you, happy to be having sex|with Dana every night.
You know It really|wasn't my intention to discuss any|Dana-related matters.
No, I was just reading|this "New York Times" piece on the forensic evidence,|the ballistics match, the eyewitnesses, and the|78 hours worth of wiretaps, a portion of which included|the defendant saying, "l killed him.
I killed him.
|I killed him dead" And was wondering what|the heck a fella has to do to get thrown in jail|on your watch.
Well, how 'bout I run you|through an lRS audit and we find out? You got nothing on me,|counselor.
I live my life clean as|my mother's kitchen floor.
Is that your name|up on a Monday Night|Football office pool? Yeah.
Are you familiar|with Federal Section|Code 4 of the Rico Act? No.
Then before I decide to|subpoena your whole family, why don't you go write|your television show and leave the smarty-boy|remarks to those of us|with postgraduate degrees? Okay.
-- I've got a problem.
|-- What? Gordon is a more formidable|foe than I suspected.
Yeah, well, my daughter's|dating a Republican.
Whatcha doin'? Looking for my talent.
You gotta relax.
|It'll pass.
You had to write my script|for me tonight.
You've had to write|for me before.
[ Sighs ] I feel like|somebody put a mojo on me.
I-l-I'm tense,|my mind's racing -- Iike I'm gonna blow apart.
|I -- Listen, seriously,|you need to relax.
Just take|however long you need,|sip your coffee, and relax.
[ lnhales deeply ]|Yeah.
[ Air horn blows ] Did it work? Natalie, I don't have|the hiccups.
Writer's block doesn't|go away just by -- [ Casey laughs ] Elliott: 10 minutes to air.
Somebody get Dan a towel.
Casey: That's 1 1 3rd-period|goals in 3 games.
And that would be a record|except for what, Dan? The Montreal Canadiens.
The Montreal Canadiens|of 1 973, [ Translation ]|The lnhabitants.
You're watching "Sports Night"|on CSC, so stick around.
[ Stopwatch beeps ]|-- We're out.
|-- 90 seconds back.
I'm still looking|for the Chyron on two.
-- It's on four.
|-- It's on two.
-- It's on four.
|-- We got a Chyron on two? Mush-mouse and pumpkin-puss|are looking for it.
Guys.
Stay away from me.
[ Chuckles ] On page 66, halfway down in|the NFL injury report, it says, "Collins is expected to|miss practice this week, the result of a bulging disk.
" Yeah? There's a typo on|the TelePrompTer.
|They left out the "s.
" "Collins is expected|to be sidelined a week to 10 days with|a bulging di--" Uh-oh! Whoa, that's a big 10-4.
My next line|in the script was,|"Let's go to the videotape.
" We might have gotten|some phone calls.
Jeremy: You've probably noticed|that I haven't said anything about Natalie Hurley|in this letter.
I'm sure you were reading|in the papers about the|incident in the locker room.
Things have calmed down here|considerably since then.
I fell asleep once|while making her dinner, and that's a whole other story,|but since that night, it seems like things have been|kind of awkward between us.
It's hard to resist the urge|to ask her out, but I doubt that would do much|to lessen the awkwardness.
While I was writing this|just now, something kinda cool happened.
I was sitting here|at 1:00 A.
M.
when I heard music|coming from the studio.
[ "Boogie Shoes" plays ] Casey: What did we|come back here for? Greta Lipsik and|Yoshira Yatsimura? Throw out your rule book.
[ Drunkenly ]|I can't hear it in here!|Crank it! [ Volume increases ] What's going on? Lola Falana over here got us|thrown out of the bar.
What, is there a law|against dancing now?|Is that what it's come to? Of course not.
Chris and Will are pumping|it in on the monitors.
There's a law against|shooting somebody and dumping the body|at Bayside, but you wouldn't think so|to listen to Barney Fife.
-- Come here.
|-- # My, my, my, my,|my boogie shoes # # Just to boogie with you # # Uh-huh, I want to do it|till the sun comes up # # Oh, yeah # How are ya? -- # I want to do it #|-- Good.
|-- Good.
-- # Till I can't get enough #|-- I'm gonna do something now, and I don't want it|to startle you.
-- Are you going to|throw water at me?|-- No.
# I want to put on my, my,|my, my, my boogie shoes # # Just to boogie with you # No big deal.
-- # I want to put on #|-- Just something we did.
# My, my, my, my,|my boogie shoes # -- # Just to boogie with you #|-- Stamps.
Jeremy: One last thing -- Dan finally got over|his writer's block.
He met Stacy Kerr|at The Smoking Dog.
Stacy plays on|the women's professional|beach volleyball tour.
Turns out Stacy's|a big fan of Dan's and was particularly|taken by his writing.
How are you able|to write that way? I mean, what goes on|in your head? How did you get that style? # My, my, my, my,|my boogie shoes # Jeremy: And in that moment,|Dan was reminded once again why he wanted to write|in the first place.
It's for the same reason|anybody does anything -- to impress women.
Stay out of trouble, Louise.
Love, Jeremy.
-- # My, my, my, my,|my boogie shoes #|-- Oooh! # Just to boogie with you # # Yeah, I want to put on my,|my, my, my, my boogie shoes # [ Rock music plays ]