Sports Night (1998) s01e21 Episode Script

Ten Wickets

Previously on "Sports Night" -- How you doin'?|-- Dan.
-- I knew I knew you.
|-- Yes.
-- You're Steve Sisco's wife.
|-- Ex-wife.
-- Why are you avoiding me?|-- Take a wild, flailing shot|in the dark.
'Cause you thought|Steve and I were divorced when, in reality,|we're only separated, and Steve wants us to go|back into counseling and I'm on the fence about it|and you hate Steve? -- That's amazing.
|-- And then there was that|thing where somebody tried|to blow us up.
Dan: Yeah.
|-- Don't take it personally.
-- No, I think|I will take it personally.
|-- The bomb threat was a hoax.
-- What was it about?|-- Denny Denton.
-- What about him?|-- They don't like|his radio show.
I don't like|his radio show either.
-- You know what I do?|Change the station.
|-- What? And, oh, yeah, Isaac's lying|in a bed at Columbia Pres|with a stroke.
You dumped the show off|to Sally.
It was after 1 :00|in the morning.
-- 'Cause Gordon was here.
|-- Yes.
-- And you want me to|let you off the hook.
|-- Yes.
Well, later, when there's time,|I'll see if I can let you|off the hook.
Right now there's not time|to let you off the hook.
|Right now there's our show.
-- You'll let me know|if something more important|comes along, right?|-- Yeah.
-- What's going on?|-- I want so badly|to rip his face off.
Casey: It's been a week.
|Dan: I know.
-- It's been a week.
|-- As a matter of fact,|it hasn't.
No, it's been a week.
It's been six days.
It's a week ago tomorrow.
It was a week ago tomorrow -- that somebody tried|to blow up the building.
|-- Yes.
-- Tomorrow it'll be a week.
|-- Yes.
Since the time|that somebody tried to blow up the building.
Yes, and I think it's time|for you to get over it.
That doesn't really seem like it's gonna happen, though,|does it? I'm not optimistic.
-- Ready-1.
|-- Stand by, animation.
Stand by, one and F/X-1.
I'm forgetting things.
What are you forgetting? Nothing specific.
You're not forgetting|anything specific? No, I just have this sense about me of forgetting things,|losing things.
What have you lost? Nothing specific.
You know, you're almost tempted|to consider the possibility that I am just going|stark-raving mad.
You sure don't|have to sell me.
Casey, Robbie Alomar just made -- the last out at first.
|-- Thank you.
Wouldn't you think|that when a guy threatens to blow up a building|in the name of God -- wouldn't you think that|religious leaders would step|forward at that point? -- I do.
|-- Wouldn't you think|that rabbis and priests|and ministers and cardinals would step forward and say,|"Fella, we think that pretty|much any hope you have of getting into Heaven|will be ruined if you|blow up that building"? -- Wouldn't you think|they'd say that?|-- I would.
-- And when they didn't --|-- Casey -- What?|-- It's just we've had|this conversation|a few times already.
-- When they didn't|-- Wouldn't I think|somebody would ask why? Wouldn't you think|somebody would ask why? Yes.
You agree? -- I'm right with you.
|-- Thank you.
I, however,|have decided to move on.
-- So you're not with me?|-- I am.
No.
I'm here.
|You've moved on.
Yes.
There are three things|that I'm doing.
I'm losing things,|I'm forgetting things,|and there's a third one.
Roll VTR.
|60 seconds live.
Everybody,|this is your nightly|two-minute confirmation that I'm still|Jeremy's girlfriend.
-- No, you're not.
|-- I am.
-- She's not.
|-- Oh, yes.
I've broken up with you.
|I've broken up with you, and I break up with you again|right there.
Right then is when I did it.
|We just broke up.
Look, whoosh --|I ended it.
-- Can we please --|-- # Jeremy loves me # Dave: 30 seconds live.
-- You were with me.
|-- Yes.
-- You were with me|for a time.
|-- In 10.
You were with me for a time,|and then you moved on.
-- I did.
|-- You moved far away.
-- Not far enough.
|-- In 32 Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Dan Rydell|alongside Casey McCall.
Those stories, plus we've got|double plays in the West|and triple threats in the South.
We've got the Phoenix Suns|in the morning.
We've got Warren Moon|at night.
We got rhythm, music,|the works -- all that|coming up after this.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
We're out.
Jeremy: Yes.
Yes.
You're breaking up now.
Hello? You're breaking up.
Now you're not there at all.
There's nobody there at all, yet I'm still talking.
-- All right.
Oh, Dana|-- Yes? I was just talking|to a guy in Trinidad.
When were you in Trinidad? I wasn't in Trinidad.
|The guy was in Trinidad.
-- He was talking to me about|a cricket match in New Delhi.
|-- But No, neither of us|were in New Delhi.
The cricket match|was in New Delhi.
The guy was in Trinidad.
|I was right here.
-- Have you seen my shoes?|-- What? I'm missing my shoes.
-- Among other things, yes.
|Dana, seriously --|-- The cricket player.
It was incredible.
-- What was incredible?|-- I don't know.
-- You don't know?|-- I don't know anything|about cricket.
-- Brown suede heels.
|You really haven't seen them?|-- No, I really haven't.
-- You don't know anything|about cricket?|-- That's what I'm saying.
-- Really? Nothing?|-- Yeah.
No.
No information|you can give me|about my shoes? Dana, a very big sports story|is happening.
Jeremy, if a very big|sports story was happening,|we'd know it.
We do know it.
|We just don't understand it.
-- You don't understand it.
|-- You understand cricket? -- I know a little something.
|-- What? -- I know they drink tea.
|-- I think they do|more than that.
I didn't claim to be|a student of the game.
-- Natalie, do you know|anything about cricket?|-- I know they drink tea.
-- Ahh.
Elliott?|-- No.
Kim, do you know anything|about cricket? -- What's going on?|-- Some guy in New Delhi|just did something.
-- What?|-- Jeremy won't tell us.
I honestly don't know.
|And I wouldn't have|even brought it up except whatever this guy did,|it was huge.
-- What did he do?|-- He took all 10 wickets|in an inning.
-- What does that mean?|-- I don't know.
Elliott, get on|the international wire and get the play-by-play|for Jeremy of this cricket match|in Tripoli.
Trinidad,|and the cricket match|was in New Delhi.
I don't think it matters|if the cricket match|was at the Carnegie Deli.
We're not gonna know|what the hell went on,|but get it anyway.
-- The guy's name|is Chauncy St.
John.
|-- What guy? The guy, the cricket player.
|His name is Chauncy St.
John.
-- Elliott, go.
|-- Got it.
Dan, do you know anything|about cricket? Ah, cricket -- the game|of the civilized sportsman.
-- Do you know|anything about it?|-- No.
-- You like it, though?|-- What's not to like? They wear white.
|They drink tea.
A guy in New Zealand|got all 10 rickets.
Wickets in New Delhi! This is|an international news story! There are countries|other than ours.
Yes.
There is, for instance,|Belgium, to name but one.
-- What's up?|-- Please don't ask.
Don't ask about what? Jeremy was on the phone|with a man who was in Trinidad|at the time who told him of a cricket player|in New Delhi who got all 10 wickets|in one inning.
-- Thought I was gonna|blow it, didn't you?|-- Yes, I did.
-- Anyway, don't ask.
|-- Okay.
Folks, [Clears throat]|before we start, I'd like to say|I've been forgetting things|lately -- losing things.
I apologize in advance.
You'll all know it|when you see it.
Anyway, that's all.
[ Sighs ] We have|a rundown meeting now.
-- Mm-hmm.
|-- Mm-hmm.
|-- Yep.
|-- Yep.
[ Clears throat ] Item one This is|from The World Observer.
It says if you compared it|to baseball, it would be like pitching|three perfect games|on three consecutive days.
-- Really?|-- Wait.
No, not exactly.
Why not exactly? It says the final four batters|scored 16 runs.
-- That doesn't sound good.
|-- It certainly doesn't sound|perfect.
-- Right.
|-- In baseball, if your final|four batters scored 16 runs, it would be hard|to consider that perfect.
Jeremy, I don't know how|comfortable I am reporting|a story I don't understand.
It's not that hard|to understand.
There's a bowler, see,|and there's a batsman.
-- What's a bowler?|-- I don't know.
-- What's a batsman?|-- I don't know.
Well, keep it up.
-- Hey, hey, ask me my name.
|-- What's your name? -- Mr.
Happy Guy.
|-- Rebecca? Flying back tonight,|meeting me after the show.
-- Good.
|-- I love it when she meets me|after the show.
Here's something.
|Raj Rajhan edged|a humble snorter to the slips, where Saurav Ganguly|dived to his right|to pick up a low snatch.
The humble snorter|went straight to the slips, and obviously the snatch|was lower than it ordinarily is.
Yes.
-- I'm getting|to the bottom of this.
|-- Keep me posted.
-- Casey|-- Yes? -- I'm Mr.
Happy Guy.
|-- Yeah, we met back there.
-- I don't believe it.
|-- What? -- You're not with me.
|-- I'm with you.
-- No, I wasn't with you|on the religious leaders deal,|so this is payback.
|-- Yes.
-- This is punitive.
|-- Yes, it is.
These are two|totally different things.
I'm excited|'cause Rebecca's back, and you're, you know,|just a ranting lunatic.
I am not a ranting lunatic.
This is honest outrage.
Somebody made a bomb threat because a radio deejay|did a sketch|where Jesus was gay.
In the name of religion,|this man threatened the lives|of about 700 people.
The absence of admonishment|from the church|is totally bizarre.
Yes.
Yes? I'm with you.
-- Now you're just|saying that.
|-- No, I'm not.
You're just saying that|because you want me to be with you|on the other thing.
-- I'm not.
|-- Yes, you are.
Yes, I am, but I can fake my|enthusiasm, and you'll never|know the difference.
-- That's all I'm asking.
|-- So the deal is I'll be|outraged about your thing and you'll be happy|'cause Rebecca's back.
Fine.
-- You're not happy.
|-- I am.
No, you're not.
|You're not happy|that Rebecca's back.
-- Danny, this is gonna go|badly for you.
|-- No, it's not.
She's got a blind spot|for Steve Sisco.
-- Her ex-husband is not --|-- It's not her ex-husband.
|They're separated.
-- I know.
|He's a jerk, Casey.
|-- They're in counseling.
|I know.
-- You should have seen|the way he treated her.
|-- I know how he treated her.
-- And yet you still think|she's gonna end up|going back to him?|-- Danny -- Be happy for me.
|-- I am happy for you.
-- You faking it?|-- It doesn't matter.
I'm right here.
|I'm right here, lsaac.
I'm in your office right now.
|Mm-hmm.
I've got everything|completely under control except I can't find my shoes.
|[ Chuckles ] No.
No.
That's a funny joke --|did I look on my feet? You're a senile old man,|and this stroke is a punishment|for not having been nicer to me.
Then why won't you let me|come down there? You heard what I said.
-- I said, "Then why won't you|let me come down there?"|-- Is that lsaac? -- Natalie's here.
|-- Let me talk to him.
-- She says she doesn't want|to talk to you.
|-- Yes, I do.
'Cause you're a stubborn person,|and she's not interested in|speaking to stubborn people.
-- Yes, I am.
|-- No.
She's flat-out refusing.
Goodbye.
He's very stubborn.
What's he say? -- He made it up and down|the corridor with a cane.
|-- Good! I can't believe he won't|let us come down there.
-- Leave it alone.
|-- I won't leave it alone.
No, I don't think you will.
-- He's being stubborn.
|-- Then he is.
-- That's right.
|-- Dana This is a fully grown man|of enormous dignity|and accomplishment.
He's covered wars|and he's dined with kings, and he can't move|the left side of his body, and he doesn't want us|to see him like that.
|Now, what's wrong? -- Everything's wrong.
|-- I mean with the|forgetting things|and the losing things.
-- I don't know.
|-- Really? -- I don't know.
|-- Okay.
I know I don't like Casey|being mad at me.
-- I know.
|-- He's never gonna stop|being mad at me.
-- Yes, he is.
|-- Here's the thing.
-- What?|-- He's got a point.
[ Cheers and applause ] That is a spectacular play.
You don't even know|what you're looking at.
-- Yes, I do.
|-- No, you don't.
I'm a sports professional,|gumdrop, and I happen to know|a little something about the cricket stylings|of New Guinea's|Mr.
Chutney St.
Joan.
Yes, New Delhi's|Mr.
Chauncy St.
John, -- and that's not him.
|-- What are we doing tonight? -- Nothing.
Yeah.
|-- Really? -- Dinner? Late movie?|-- No.
No.
You want to rent some porn? -- Natalie,|we can't go out tonight.
|-- Why? 'Cause we're not|going out anymore.
That doesn't mean|we can't go out anymore.
-- It sort of does.
|I'm just trying to get over it.
|-- Jeremy -- Get over it.
No,|I'm saying get over it.
|-- Yes.
I'm trying.
|I know it's been|all of three weeks.
I'll see if I can speed up|my nervous breakdown.
-- Nobody's rushing you.
|-- I appreciate it.
Are you over it yet? -- Natalie|-- How 'bout now? Dan: Hey, look.
-- What's that?|-- It's an abacus.
-- Excellent.
|-- An antique abacus.
Probably the only kind|there are.
I got it in Chinatown|at a place called Dang Luck.
|Isn't it great? -- It's wrapped.
|-- If you could see it,|you'd think it was great.
-- Dan's Mr.
Happy Guy.
|-- Yes, I am.
|-- I can see.
-- It's an abacus.
|-- So you said.
She's a market analyst --|numbers, arithmetic.
You know, if she opens up|a new checking account|on the corner, they'll give her|a free calculator.
-- Natalie, I'm not sitting|on the sidelines anymore.
|I'm getting in the game.
|-- Yes.
If Steve Sisco|wants his wife back,|the road goes through me.
I love it.
-- Tonight Rebecca's getting an|antique abacus from Dang Luck.
|-- Yes! -- What am l, crazy?|-- No.
-- Am I Mr.
Crazy Guy?|-- No.
-- I am.
I'm crazy.
|-- You're not.
-- Crazy in love?|-- No, just crazy.
What is this, an abac--|What is that? Is it cute? -- It's cute.
|-- It's a little cute.
-- Natalie, just --|-- What market analyst|wouldn't love an antique abacus|from Dang Luck? Honesty -- honesty and directness|are what's required.
I love her.
|It's that simple.
|Honesty will win the day.
Thank you.
I'm talking|about really good porn.
-- Natalie|-- Let's work.
[ Keyboard clicking ] -- Hi.
|-- Hey.
-- Couple of notes?|-- Fire.
-- 10 seconds less|on the Arizona bullpen.
|-- Done.
-- Write a shorter intro|for the S.
O.
T.
on|the amateur draft.
|-- Done.
Stop making Jerry Falwell jokes|on the air.
-- No.
|-- Yes.
I don't do|Jerry Falwell jokes.
The asides, the drop-ins --|I am telling you, stop it.
A week ago today,|somebody threatened|to blow up the building and all the people in it,|including me.
And you think|it was Jerry Falwell? -- I haven't ruled him out|as a suspect.
|-- I'm serious! -- What are you afraid of?|-- Offending people.
Who? Our legions of viewers|who take Jerry Falwell|seriously? Charo's got|a bigger fan base.
-- Casey|-- No, l-I know|I'm alone on this.
I know the vast majority|of people consider Jerry Falwell|a spiritual pillar of|great and gentle wisdom.
I know that most people|consider him a scholarly|and tolerant man who would never judge|others harshly just because|they were different.
I know that most people|find his calm leadership to be a gentle, soothing|beacon in a time of|great social chaos.
His guidance, for|instance, on the great|purple Teletubby matter was fraught with the kind|of theological sophistication|that only Jerry Falwell and a cafeteria full of|sixth-graders could devise.
I know I'm going|way out on a limb, but I think|Jerry Falwell's a fat-ass.
Who did I just offend?|I'm eager to talk to them.
I have a typewriter,|and I will use it|as I see fit.
-- Not on my show.
|-- Dana, they're just jokes.
-- Do other jokes.
|-- What's with you? Not on my show, Casey.
-- Is this it?|You're gonna bench me?|-- Yes.
Absolutely.
Say it.
Do another Falwell joke,|and you're suspended for a week! Kim:|Five minutes to air.
First team|in the studio, please.
Casey, the -- -- Hey, Rebecca.
|-- Hi, Jeremy.
-- You just get in?|-- Yeah.
Is Dan around? -- Yeah, he's just --|-- If he's busy -- -- They said he's on the air|in five minutes.
Of course.
|-- I'll go get him.
He should be|concentrating on the show.
|Don't tell him I'm here.
-- He'd kill me.
|He's very excited to see you.
|-- JeremyI know, but -- They're in extra innings|in Pittsburgh.
I'll feed it to Casey|in the 20s.
What were you gonna say? -- Nothing.
|-- Rebecca? -- No, I'll go wait|in my office.
|-- Rebecca? Let's go, everybody!|Good show! -- Dan|-- Yeah? -- Hey!|-- Hi.
-- You're early!|-- We hit the jet stream.
-- Oh, I love the jet stream.
|-- Yes! I want you to know|I would kiss you right now|full on the lips, but there are people around|and it's unprofessional.
-- Leave, people!|-- [ Laughs ] I'm gonna run backstage|and get some gifts|that I have for you, -- including one|that's functional.
|-- [ Chuckles ] -- What were you gonna say?|-- I think I should tell Dan|first, don't you? Yeah.
I'm back.
I've got wine,|I've got flowers, and I've got a gift|I had to shop for.
Jeremy: Dan -- Yeah?|-- Three minutes.
-- Good show.
|-- Good show.
I've got a hot tip for you.
I heard some people|talking on the plane|about Barry Bonds, who plays for|the San Diego Giants -- San Francisco Giants.
-- Right.
|They said he's good.
|-- What about him? -- He is good.
|-- They say|the San Francisco Giants|are gonna be a good team.
-- They will,|but not this year.
|-- What about Barry Bonds? Unfortunately, the rules|prohibit Barry Bonds from batting|before and after himself, and he probably can't|play right field and|pitch at the same time.
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
Going back to Steve? He's my husband.
-- I want you to know --|-- It's okay.
-- No, I have to tell you|that y-you just --|-- Don't worry about it.
We'll see each other|around the building.
I gotta go.
-- Danny,|I want to thank you --|-- Hey, really it was my pleasure.
Steve's waiting downstairs.
Tell him hi.
These people|really seemed to think the Giants were gonna go|all the way this year.
They're wrong.
Stand by.
-- Animation standing.
|-- Stand by, music.
We're back from commercial|in 32 Casey: That's all for us.
Come back tomorrow.
We'll let you know|if the Pirates game|ever ended.
You've been watching|"Sports Night" on CSC.
-- Have a good night.
|-- Good night.
-- Music.
|-- Go.
-- Animation.
|-- Go.
We're out.
Natalie: Good show.
|Jeremy: Good show.
-- Casey|-- What? I'm sorry.
What are you doing? Going someplace private.
But what was that thing|with your head? -- Well, I was signaling you.
|-- Signaling me what? That we should go|someplace private.
Okay.
But don't do|that thing with your head.
Are you gonna suspend me|for a week? Oh, I'm sorry about that.
|I'm sorry about that.
That was a very big gun|to pull out.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I've been|testing your authority.
|You're the boss.
-- Okay.
|-- Okay.
Wait.
I'm sorry I bailed|on the show that night.
It was -- I know|if you'd done it to me,|I'd have felt abandoned.
Well, I was surprised by it.
-- Yeah.
|-- It's no big deal.
|I was surprised by it.
-- Gordon's gonna ask me|to marry him.
|-- Sally did a fine job.
I'm sorry? He's in Washington,|and he told me on the phone that when he gets back,|he's gonna ask me|to marry him.
You know,|he wants to do it --|make it a big deal.
-- What are you gonna say?|-- I'm gonna -- What, are you kidding?|I'm gonna say yes.
Gordon's gonna ask Dana|to marry him.
Really? -- Yes.
|-- How do you know? -- 'Cause I have|special powers, Jeremy.
|-- Hey.
-- She told me.
|-- Yes.
And I think|she just told Casey.
-- Ahh.
|-- Are you over it yet? -- Yes.
|-- Well, that's just too bad.
|You want to know why?|'Cause -- What? I'm over it.
I want to|get back together with you.
We were never broken up.
-- Yes, we were.
We were.
|-- No.
-- That's sweet, but no.
|-- Listen to me.
We broke up.
|I had to sort some things out,|and I broke up with you.
But now I decree|that we're back together.
-- You should kiss me now.
|-- Yes.
Wait.
Rebecca went back|to her husband.
Where's Dan? Dan: I'm right here.
|-- Hey, Dan.
[ Drunkenly ]|I'm on my feet bobbin' and weavin',|breakin' tackles, -- nothing but open field.
|-- How you doin'? Well, I've had a little wine.
If somebody wants to make book|on whether or not I'll be having a little more,|I would not bet against me.
You might want to save|some of that for Casey.
-- What's wrong with Casey?|-- Natalie|-- Casey.
-- Don't I rely on you?|Don't I rely on you|for information?|-- Yes, but Casey, she didn't tell me|until just before airtime.
-- I didn't want to tell you|before you went on the air.
|-- Didn't stop Rebecca.
That was my fault.
Then you are my sworn enemy.
Dan -- I love you, man.
|Give me a hug.
|-- [ Chuckles ] I love you, too, Casey.
|You're like my, you know,|much, much older brother.
-- Danny|-- Bobbin' and weavin'.
Gordon asked Dana|to marry him.
-- Wow.
|-- Yeah.
No, seriously, Casey.
-- I know.
|-- Listen, think about this -- halfway around the world|a lone man has accomplished|an extraordinary athletic feat.
-- What?|-- I don't know.
Good enough.
I give you Mr.
Chauncy St.
John|of New Delhi.
-- Chauncy St.
John.
|-- Chauncy St.
John.
|-- Chauncy St.
John.
[ Chuckles ] Somehow.
-- Somehow what?|-- Somehow, in time,|I'm gonna figure out a way|to blame this on Jerry Falwell.
Jerry Falwell.
All: Jerry Falwell.
|[ Glasses clink ] -- The thing is, Casey|-- What? With you I didn't hear it.
Hear what? Did you hear it, Dan? I didn't hear it.
|Did you hear it, Jeremy? I didn't hear it.
Nobody's heard it.
|Nobody's heard the bell ring.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[ Sighs ] I'm gonna need a plan.
[ Rock music plays ]