Sports Night (1998) s02e21 Episode Script

La Forza Del Destino

Casey: With a month of|big-league baseball behind us, -- it's time for what, Dan?|Dan: Predictions.
It's time for predictions.
|Last year Dan predicted that the Yankees|would finish third in the American League East.
|Where'd they finish, Dan? -- They won the World Series.
|-- They won the World Series.
What do you got|for us this year? The team of Lord Baltimore,|Casey.
The Orioles will beat|the American League Iike an old Persian rug.
Then they'll go on to teach|Ken Griffey's Cincinnati Reds a little lesson in humility.
Dan says the Orioles,|I say the Yankees.
Dan says the Reds,|I say the Mets.
But, kids, whether you're|a Mets fan, a Yankee fan, a Dodger fan,|or a Red Sox fan, the one thing we can all|agree on is what, Danny? John Rocker's a dufus.
John Rocker's|a big honkin' dufus.
|That's all for us.
We'll be back tomorrow night|with more scores and highlights.
This is day six of the|Continental Corp fire sale, so if you've got|$14 or $15 billion in your passbook account,|you can own this network.
You've been watching|"Sports Night" on CSC.
Have a good night.
Good night, Mom.
Dave: We're out.
|Natalie: Good show.
Who wrote the Rocker joke? -- I did.
|-- I did.
-- I did.
|-- I did.
You suggested the Rocker joke.
|I refined it.
You typed it.
Please unhook yourselves and|come and see me in the bullpen.
-- Dana, I gave them|the Rocker joke.
|-- Jeremy.
-- I gave them|the Rocker joke.
|-- Natalie.
You said, "Let's do a joke|about John Rocker.
" That's right.
That's not writing the joke,|that's suggesting the joke.
Both of you,|come with me, please.
Natalie: I did several|drafts of the joke.
You said, "Let's give out|his home number.
" I said, "We can't give out|his home number on TV.
Let's call him a dufus.
" Then we disagreed|on the spelling of "dufus.
" And then I agreed, yes,|we should call him a dufus.
And I added|"big honkin' dufus.
" And then Casey typed it.
It was a good|team effort, Dana.
You're all idiots.
The Atlanta Braves|are owned by Time Warner.
AOL Time Warner|is a major player in the bidding war|for Continental Corp.
Let's not piss off people while they're looking at us|through the store window.
We are on life support now.
We are way past the|"show business is funny" stage.
It was sophomoric,|and it was stupid.
It was Jeremy's idea.
-- It was your idea.
|-- I was goaded by Danny.
-- I was practically|threatened by Casey.
|-- All I did was type it.
Well, then, the buck|pretty much stops with you,|there, doesn't it? Shut up.
I'm going to Anthony's.
-- Let's go someplace|different.
|-- Why? 'Cause we've been to Anthony's|the last six nights.
-- Which is why|we should keep going.
|-- Dana's right.
-- About what?|-- Everything.
-- Suck-up.
|-- A little thing|called luck, Danny.
-- Luck?|-- The power of luck.
We've gone to Anthony's|six nights in a row.
You don't break the luck.
-- Continental Corp's|up for sale.
|-- That's right.
-- We could all be|out of work in a few days.
|-- That's right.
Don't we want|to change our luck? -- Dana?|-- No.
-- No.
You know why?|-- Why? -- Dana?|-- 'Cause people|are bidding on us.
They're|in rooms right now, they're on cellphones,|they're crunching numbers.
Something good is coming,|and you don't change the luck.
-- You don't change|the luck, Jeremy.
|-- Okay.
Anthony's!|I'll meet you there.
-- Dana|-- Yeah? sorry about the Rocker joke.
|That was me.
You should've given out|his home number.
-- Can't say it on TV.
|-- Tell me about it.
It's not gonna be|Time Warner.
Ah, it could be|Time Warner.
Well, if it's Time Warner,|we're screwed.
If it's Fox, we're screwed.
|If it's Disney, we're screwed.
-- Look|-- Dana.
Just 'cause CNN|already has cable sports and Fox already has|cable sports and Disney -- Already has ESPN ESPN 2, ESPN news, ESPN radio, ESPN the magazine,|ESPN the restaurant.
See, when you put it|that way -- These guys need|another sports channel Iike they need|a hole in the head.
-- Someone's|gonna come along.
|-- Yeah? Who? You got to allow|for the possibility that there's someone out there|that needs a hole in the head.
Yes, but in the meantime,|Time Warner, Disney, and Fox are the only bidders, and the first thing|any of them will do is sell off CSC for parts.
-- And yet, here we are|at Anthony's.
|-- What's your point? My point is that|this is the kind of luck|you want to break.
We should be someplace else|right now.
-- No, that's not the point.
|-- What is the point? Dana? Those are the only people|bidding right now.
-- That's the point.
|-- Ah.
-- Aren't I adorable?|-- Yes.
-- So|Elliot: Yes.
-- Desperate times.
|-- Yes.
You know,|in times like these, the last days of a war, the last days|before going off to war, you know what people do? They band together? -- They sleep|with each other.
|-- Really? The last days|on a movie shoot -- The last days of school.
|-- The last days -- They sleep with each other? They do.
It's not that I'm not|flattered, Dan -- I understand.
|What about you? Danny, only you would take|an occasion like this and turn it into|an opportunity for sex.
I'm gifted, yes, but that's|actually not why I came over.
Why'd you come over? -- To tell you you're the|best secretary I've ever had.
|-- Thank you.
-- I mean it.
|-- I know you do.
-- That's why it's hard|for me to tell you this.
|-- What? -- I'm not your secretary.
|-- What do you mean? -- I'm not your secretary.
|-- When did that happen? It didn't happen, Danny.
|I've never been your secretary.
-- I thought you were|my secretary.
|-- Yes, I know.
I've always treated you|like my secretary.
Yes, I know.
Okay.
Well, my mistake.
Yes.
All right.
I'm gonna go talk to Casey.
It's for my boyfriend.
Well,|I'm sorry to hear that.
Hey, what's going on|here, huh? It's for her boyfriend.
-- What's his name?|-- Joe.
I don't like|the sound of him.
I think you should dump him|and go out with Casey.
This is Dan.
Will you sign it, too? Sure, but I'm gonna sign it,|"Joe, I think you should dump this redhead|and go out with Casey.
" -- How did I end up with Joe?|-- Things work out|that way sometimes.
-- You guys are so cute.
|- But me more than him,|right? -- Well, I don't --|-- It's okay.
Thank you.
Thanks.
-- So, listen|-- Yeah.
It's something we should|talk about at least, right? I don't know.
-- Casey|-- I don't know.
Let me tell you something,|Casey.
I wouldn't mind|living in L.
A.
You know what you got|out there? Sunshine.
You got sunshine,|you got the Pacific Ocean, you got driving around|with the top down.
I'd have to buy a car.
It's fun to buy a car.
|You got the new-car smell.
Plus, you got the sunshine,|the Pacific Ocean, not to mention|a pretty good job offer.
It's not a pretty good|job offer.
It's 1 1 :00, it's one,|maybe one and a half|million more viewers, it's Dana|as executive producer.
-- What more --|-- It's in California.
Where they got Laker Girls.
Same show, bigger audience,|sunshine, Pacific Ocean, new car, Laker Girls,|plus the L.
A.
Philharmonic with Mr.
Esa-Pekka Salonen|at the podium.
You know where he's from? -- Helsinki.
|-- That's right.
|You know where that is? Finland.
That's right.
When you think about it, it's actually a better job|than the ones we got now, and the ones we got now we're|not gonna have that much longer, so it's a pretty good|job offer.
Well, we'll just, uh cross that bridge|when we do.
-- Okay.
|-- Good.
-- Jeremy?|-- Yeah? I've had|a couple of drinks, so I think I have the courage|to tell you this.
-- Jeremy|-- Hang on.
Hang on,|I'm sitting right here.
-- You can stay there.
|-- If you're gonna tell him|something that takes courage, I think I shouldn't|be sitting here.
-- It's okay.
|-- Okay.
-- I'm still in love with you.
|-- Oh, can I please get up? -- Natalie|-- No, you don't have|to say anything.
In fact,|you probably shouldn't.
|Just let me talk.
-- You really|gotta let me out.
|-- No, I don't want to lose|the moment.
I'm sitting right here! Jeremy,|there hasn't been a day since I broke up with you that|I haven't wanted you back.
I broke up with you.
There have been|a couple of days.
Which days? Um, I don't know|if this is me talking or the coconut pina colada.
Also, I've been having|these mood swings.
Natalie -- -- Come to think of it,|I hate your living guts.
|-- Okay.
-- Desperate times.
|Elliot: Yes.
It's been said|that in times like these, the last days of war,|the last days before|going off to war, it's been said|that during these times, people sleep together.
[ Laughs ]|That's what it's been said -- that people do during times|[Clears throat] like these.
|-- Yeah.
If Jeremy wanted, he could|have me any time, anywhere.
I would do things|to his mind and body that I think|he'd really enjoy.
God knows I would.
-- Natalie|-- Don't touch me.
-- Okay.
|-- Would you please, for the|love of God, let me out? Desperate times.
Shut up.
|Who wants what? Dan: Beer.
|Casey: Beer.
|Jeremy: Beer.
Coconut pina colada.
How am I supposed|to remember that? It's three beers|and a pina colada.
-- You want|a mnemonic device?|-- Hey! Get him, Dana! Three beers|and a coconut pina colada.
Dan: [ On TV ]|McNabb was 14 for 19 passing|for a total of You want|another one of these? Yeah, if you don't mind.
|Thanks.
This show is good,|don't you think? -- "Sports Night.
"|-- Yeah.
They work|just across the street.
-- A lot of those guys|come in here.
|-- Yeah, I saw.
Jack And here's|the executive producer.
-- How you doin'?|-- Hi.
I was saying|it's a good show.
Thank you.
Jack, I'd like three beers|and a coconut pina colada.
I need to go in the back|one minute.
I was just saying|that it's a good show, and the bartender|pointed out that a lot of your guys|come in here.
I told him|I could see that.
At first I thought|it was interesting that I was watching them|on television and they're also standing|right over there.
We broadcast live at 1 1 :00, and then we replay the show|at 1 :00.
It's called tape delay.
I sussed out|the technology.
I really just came up here to get some drinks|for my friends.
I have no reason|not to believe you.
I'm just saying I'm not|in a mood to be bought a drink|by a guy in a suit.
I'm not wearing a suit.
For that matter,|I wasn't offering you a drink.
Yeah.
You left your|Wall Street office at 8:30, went to your 2-bedroom|on the East Side, and changed into your "l don't|always wear a suit" clothes.
I don't live|on the East Side.
If you live|on the West Side, then you're stuck|back in college.
I live in Paris.
[ Laughs ] France? Yeah.
Sometimes Seattle,|sometimes Chicago, sometimes Tokyo,|sometimes St.
Barts.
Tell me Seriously, are there women who believe you|when you say that? Not many.
So, Dana, I couldn't help overhearing you and|your friends a while ago.
We're sitting on the other|side of the restaurant.
Yeah.
I wouldn't worry about|a Time Warner takeover.
You wouldn't, huh? They'll kick out|when the stock hits 27.
How did you know my name? The bartender said it.
No, he didn't.
Sure, he did.
How else would I know it? Time Warner's gonna kick out|at 27 a share.
All right, what was that|you needed? Dana? Three beers|and a coconut pina colada.
Dana: Hi.
Hi.
Any word? Any word on what? Our futures.
If it's Fox, they'll|drop the cable interest.
If it's Disney, they'll|drop the cable interest.
If it's Time Warner, they'll|drop the cable interest.
Yeah.
I met a guy|last night at Anthony's -- Hi.
-- Hey, Danny.
|-- Any word? No.
Did you know that Kim|isn't my secretary? Yeah.
I have been treating her|like she was my secretary.
Yes, I know.
Okay, just so I get|this straight, is there someone here|who is my secretary, I've just never known it? No.
I have no secretary.
Right.
Okay.
How you doin', lsaac? Good.
Good.
Okay.
What'd you say before? [ Door closes ] When? -- You met a guy|at Anthony's.
|-- Yeah.
It doesn't matter.
When is someone new gonna|step up to the table, someone who wants|cable sports? You know, Dana my nephew Christopher is a trauma surgeon at a city hospital|in Detroit.
Whenever|he loses somebody, it usually takes him|a couple of weeks to get up off the mat.
I tell him|it's an overcrowded,|underfunded hospital.
He doesn't listen, though.
He usually talks|about ditching medicine and opening up a restaurant|in Albuquerque.
Why Albuquerque? I don't know, but it's always|Albuquerque.
At best, you had|maybe 2/3 of the budget needed to do the job|in a market that was oversaturated|when you got there.
If it goes down, you get up off the mat, you go to L.
A.
|with Dan and Casey, andyou try it again.
What do you do? Two trees, a hammock|[Chuckles] and a stack of books|this high.
[ Telephone rings ] Let me ask you -- Ah, hang on.
Yeah? Thanks.
Time Warner|just kicked out.
-- Really?|-- But I wouldn't|worry about it, though.
-- They were never ser--|-- What was the stock price? $27 a share.
Huh.
You were saying something|about a guy at Anthony's.
Yeah.
No.
Uh, yeah.
I should get back|to work, though.
Okay, remember|what I said.
Yeah.
Three years,|I always thought|she was my secretary.
She was good.
Yep.
|[ Clears throat ] Say, while we're|tying up loose ends, do we share an office,|or am I just here a lot? -- You're just here a lot.
|-- I have my own office? -- Yeah.
|-- Where? [ Sighs ] -- That's my confession.
|-- What? This is your office.
|Mine's someplace else.
You're kidding.
Nope.
Where? I don't know.
I just always|liked this one.
All right.
Well, it seemed|to work out okay.
-- Yeah.
|-- Next place, we should|share an office again.
Yeah.
And we should have someone|who pretends to be|our secretary.
-- Yeah.
|-- Dan? Hey.
These are for you.
Elliot, look, last night, seriously,|I was talking to Kim.
-- I was doing|a little thing.
|-- They're not from me.
Like it'd kill you|to give me flowers|once in a while? "R.
W.
" It says "R.
W.
" What else does it say? It just says "R.
W.
" Robert Wagner|has sent me flowers.
That was nice of him.
Or maybe Reggie White.
All-pro defensive end|Reggie White can|send me flowers, but do you ever|think to, Elliot? -- I don't take you|for granted.
|-- Yes, you do.
You're not our secretary,|by any chance, are you? -- I prefer assistant.
|-- Get out.
Five minutes! Arthur Brown:|And, so, it's only logical.
I mean, I'm just using|rational logic and sensibility|that in that situation, you bunt with one strike and|one out and the go-ahead run|at first.
I mean, I gotta say,|I think Joe Torre should be run out of town|on just that play alone.
Right.
Caller,|how much experience do you have coaching|at the major-league level? Well, I never coached|pro ball or anything.
-- Semi-pro?|-- No.
-- College?|-- No.
Okay, Joe Torre's|been coaching baseball|for about 430 years.
-- You got a girlfriend?|-- No.
-- This is why.
|You interested in buying|Continental Corp?|-- No.
Okay, then|we're hanging up now.
Dan, you want to take us|to commercial? With pleasure.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC, so stick around.
Dave:|We're in commercial.
By the way, everybody, Time Warner kicked out|this morning.
-- Who needed them?|-- We needed them.
They wouldn't|have kept CSC.
Neither will Fox or Disney,|but it looks like that's|all that's left.
-- Not all.
|-- That's right.
-- There's still|the power of fate.
|-- La forza del destino.
-- Jeremy|-- It's been said, Dana,|that in desperate times -- Yes.
|-- Give me out graphics on 4.
-- Thank you.
|-- The Pacific Ocean's completely different from|the Atlantic, you know.
-- I know.
|It's on the other side.
|-- Yes, it is.
You know what's just|a quick plane ride away? -- Asia?|-- Hawaii.
You ever been to Hawaii? Covered two pro bowls.
Shot par at Mauna Lani.
|I've met Don Ho.
Oh, so you're a bit|of an expert.
-- I understand|the island ways.
|-- Danny, I would love to -- We don't have to tell them|yes or no, but we got to tell them|what we're thinking.
It's a really good|offer, Casey.
-- It's gonna be|the best one we get.
|Dave: In 10.
-- We need to talk|about it, okay?|-- Yeah.
Is it possible I got|flowers from Raquel Welch? No.
Okay.
Dave: In 32 That's all for us tonight.
Remember, please, if you're|going out on a date and you want|to impress someone, it's a "dog eat dog world,"|not a doggy-dog world.
I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
You've been watching|"Sports Night" on CSC.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Good night.
-- Animation.
|-- Go.
We're out.
Good show.
So help me God, I thought|it was a doggy-dog world.
-- Anthony's.
|-- Yeah.
No.
Wait.
Hang on.
Our corporate|parent is up for sale.
The only people who seem|interested in buying would almost surely dump|the cable network, and one of those people|dropped out this morning.
You still don't want|to break our luck? -- Man, Jeremy!|-- What? -- What?|-- The power of fate.
The power of fate which is actually something|I just said a minute ago, so I shouldn't have even|needed prompting.
Well, you guys definitely|turned me around on that one.
They got the aquarium.
What aquarium? With the dolphins|and the -- the fish and the mammals|over there in San Francisco.
-- Ah, it's in San Diego.
|-- Really? -- Yeah.
|-- Who cares? They frolic, they splash, -- and they have a ball.
|-- Danny -- you can go there|with a Laker Girl.
|-- Dan.
-- She never met a guy|like you before.
|-- Hey.
Hey.
What am l|supposed to do,|see Charlie twice a year? [ Sighs ]|Christmas and when? They have jet planes|now, Casey.
I'd be working|six nights.
It's not like I can get|in a plane every time -- -- I'm saying|she gets on a plane.
|-- Danny, come on.
-- Look|-- I'm not kidding.
|She's not tied down|to a job.
You tell her you're not|willing to live that far|away from Charlie.
You tell her|you support this family|and your business just moved, and the family's|got to move, too.
You tell her to get|her ass on a plane.
Let's cross that bridge|when we get there, okay? All right.
Hi.
Excuse me|for interrupting.
My boyfriend would kill me|if he knew I saw you and didn't get you|to sign something.
-- Sure.
|-- Thanks.
You want another? Yeah.
By the way,|my roommate's friend knows a girl|you used to date.
-- Who?|-- Rebecca Wells.
[ Glass shatters ] -- Is he all right?|-- Yeah, he's fine.
Yeah, I j-- I just think|I need to get some air.
[ Sighs ] Dana: You guys|all right over there?|-- Yeah.
-- Yeah, now it's|getting good.
|Dana: Okay.
Natalie: Jeremy -- Yeah?|-- There's something|I think you should know.
-- Oh, God.
|-- I'm not wearing|any socks right now.
-- Oh, please let me out.
|-- I know you have|a little thing, and I thought|it would be wrong|for me to not tell you that I'm not wearing|any socks right now.
-- I don't believe you.
|-- Jeremy One day you'll see|that my love for you isn't the product of|liquor-induced mood swings, and that I'm yours for|the taking at your command.
And that the day|I broke up with you was the most regrettable|day of my life.
Okay but I broke up with you.
I find you loathsome, and my hatred of you|knows no bounds.
Okay.
I'm not wearing|any socks.
Okay.
Do you feel my foot? All right, that's it!|That's it! Move, move!|Out, out, out! [ Clears throat ]|Thank you.
What do you need, Dana? Man: Three beers|and a coconut pina colada.
Hey, you, I need|to talk to you.
Stay right there.
|Two beers.
You guys|did a good show tonight.
Thank you.
I liked the call-in.
How did you know Time Warner|was gonna drop out at 27? -- I didn't.
|-- You did.
I guessed.
You didn't guess.
|You had information.
I had a lot|of information.
That's what makes me good|at guessing.
If you've got|inside information and you're passing it,|you're breaking the law, and I don't want you|talking to me.
I don't have|inside information, and I wasn't|talking to you.
You came over to me.
-- Nonetheless.
|-- Yeah? I'm just saying,|I know a thing or two|about securities law.
Why? Because I do.
Okay.
So, how are you? -- Me?|-- Yeah.
I've been thinking a lot|about opening a restaurant.
Where? Albuquerque.
Thanks, Jack.
I'm going back|to my friends now.
Okay.
We were having|an interesting conversation.
-- About what?|-- The power of fate.
Okay.
So goodbye.
MDl-Transcom's|gonna come in as a bidder.
-- How do you know that?|-- I don't.
You're guessing.
Yeah.
-- But you're right.
|-- Yeah.
What does MDl-Transcom want|with Continental Corp? I could tell you,|but the answer's a little dry.
-- You're saying I wouldn't|be able to understand it?|-- Yeah.
Probably not,|'cause all I've got is a master's in|broadcast communication.
C.
C.
owns cable providers|in certain markets, which means they also own|the coaxial cable which was originally laid.
Coaxial cable provides|much greater bandwidth than conventional|phone lines, so it provides extremely fast|lnternet access.
Who are you? No one|whose name you'd know.
I'm going back|to my friends.
To talk about|the power of fate? Yeah.
La forza del destino.
[ Rock music plays ]