Starlings (2012) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
1 It's a boy.
Welcome to the world, son.
Maybe you should get some sleep.
We're not together any more.
Reuben, what happened with you and Bell? I did something very stupid but it's not what Bell thinks.
Julie's ended it.
Go and get your bag.
You're staying here.
Prowler! Fergie, meet Loz.
Me other son.
Alright.
Mum? Is Dad ill again? No! Gravy, I thought you were supposed to be giving us a hand.
I might take up this fishing lark.
Didn't realise it was so much fun.
Peaceful, in't it? Just going to the toilet.
Looks like it's you and me, then, Dad.
Morning.
Morning, Fergie.
Finally, a strapping young man.
What's all this, then? Nearly 30 years' worth of competition wins.
How many competitions have you won? In my glory days I was pulling in three, four wins a week.
Walkmans, cat food, a cement mixer.
Everything you could possibly need.
Course its all online now.
Back then you had to cut out coupons, or finish a limerick.
Now it's just click and send.
I'm lucky if I win one a month.
You won a keytar? I've won three.
There's two more in there.
One of them's signed by Howard Jones.
I always wanted one of these when I was a kid.
Try it on.
Bowm bowm bowm bowm! Suits you, Fergie.
Yeah? Yeah.
You can have it if you like.
Really? For £45.
Oh.
I'm not giving it away.
Some of this stuff is gold.
I could get £80for that on eBay.
Couldn't I, Dad? At least.
Go on, then.
We went in way too high.
Ta-da-da! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my new apprentice.
Oh, Charlie.
You look great.
Really? What do you think of the tool belt? Present from the boss.
You've got a left-handed screwdriver there? Dad's done that joke.
My first day your granddad sent me off for tartan paint and a bubble for a spirit level.
I'm still waiting.
Right, we're off.
Best of luck, kid.
Now, you're going to be entering a very male world and you're probably going to see things a girl of your age shouldn't really see, or hear or smell even.
Mum, I'll be fine.
Course you will.
It's a big thing, seeing my little girl off to work for the first time.
Yeah, but I'm a big girl now.
I know.
And that's why I've popped a Penguin in your lunchbox.
Wagons roll.
That for me, then? You wanted to see me? Yes, Reuben.
Take a seat.
Now, as you may be aware, I've just had a baby.
So, I am unable to contribute to the upkeep and running of this house in the way I used to.
Why are you speaking in that scary voice? Because what I'm about to say is important, Reuben.
You need to get a job.
I've got a job.
No.
You've got a van with your phone number on the back of it.
I'm talking about a proper job that brings in money.
And painting flames on a boy racer's Fiesta once a week does not constitute a proper job.
I'm building up my portfolio.
Client database and You've got responsibility now, Reuben.
Financial responsibility to me and Zac.
Well, how much did you spend on all these baby clothes? Are you begrudging your only son a little pair of booties? A T-shirt? A hand-woven Choktaw Indian papoose? No, no, I'm not.
But you have to give these things time, Bell.
No business makes money in its first two years.
I know.
And you've been going three years.
I can't work for a while so you've got to pick up the baton.
Yeah, yeah, I will.
I'll start looking.
I promise.
No need.
Cleaning buses? You'd better give them a ring.
No, no.
I can't split it.
I'm only doing bags of ten.
Yeah.
It's from Chile.
It's good.
Yeah.
No, no, don't If you meet us in town with the cash, I'll give it to you then.
Well, it dims alright most of the time but sometimes when I turn it right the way up, all the downstairs lights go off and the oven starts beeping.
What do you think that might be? Sounds like your house is haunted.
I'm joking, Mrs Wisley.
No, it sounds like there's a loose connection in the switch.
We'll whip the cover off, check the wiring and we'll fix your kettle.
Oh, me kettle isn't broke.
Stick it on then, love.
Right, Charlie.
I'm gonna need the three-mil flathead.
That's the orange one and Oh, you're good.
Knock, knock.
Bought you some more books Oh, cheers.
Any more Binchys? Listen, Jan, thanks for letting me use Bessie.
I will pay my way as soon as I'm back on my feet.
Don't mention it.
Mi casa, su casa.
Right.
So I'm thinking about using that end for my dining room come living room come recreation area and this end as a bed.
You've got it looking nice.
Yeah.
Oh! Where d'you get that chair from? It was in the garage.
Gravy said I could have it.
I should've asked you It's just that we don't really use that chair any more.
No, that's what I thought.
That's why I got it.
No, I'm being silly.
So, home sweet home, eh? Yeah.
It's just nice to make a fresh start.
Breaking up with Julie is the best thing that could've happened to me.
I feel like I can breathe again, y'know? And being here with you guys, surrounded by all the love, it's great.
Every time I look at you and Uncle Terry together it really brings it home to me that I'll never have that.
Yeah, that's why we don't use that chair.
Hm? It's the Crying Chair.
The what? That's what my mum called it.
It's been in the family for nobody really knows how long.
But it's the maddest thing - anyone who sits in it always bursts into tears.
That's why we slung it in the garage.
Gravy should have mentioned it.
He never.
Right.
Well, I'll leave you to your Binchys, then.
Don't tell anyone about the crying.
Take the ribbon from your hair Shake it loose and let it fall Does anyone want another tea? We're all done here now, Mrs Wisley.
Ooh, that was quick.
I'll just nip upstairs and get my purse.
What do you reckon, Charlie? What's a job like this cost? Er.
Forty quid? No.
It's only a loose wire.
The standard price is a couple of cups of tea and a plate of biscuits.
Oh, no, I couldn't possibly.
Ooh, is that the time? It is three minutes past twelve and we've broken for lunch, I'm afraid.
But if you have any problems with our beverage and biscuit-based pricing, you can contact head office.
But not during the lunch hour.
Look after yourself.
Bye.
Got the instructions? How many nautical miles has she done? It's never been used.
I won it in a Word Search.
Well, if you think you can find it cheaper somewhere else, go somewhere else.
Yeah, bye.
Here, Gravy, I hear you told Fergie he could use the Crying Chair.
Yeah.
Did he cry? Course he did.
How does it work? Morning, chaps.
You got a tape measure? There.
Cheers.
Right, tape measure, the guy's phone number.
What else? You alright, Loz? Yeah, fine.
I just got 1001 things to do for the exhibition so You lot all still coming? Yeah, wouldn't miss it for the world, son.
Great.
I better get down there and measure up the space.
I'll come with you if you like.
Yeah? That would be lovely actually, Dad.
Bit of moral support.
You'll be fine, Loz.
I've never put any of my stuff up for sale before.
What if I don't sell anything? Bit of a damning indictment, innit? You just need to put up the stuff you like and sod what anyone else thinks.
That's what an artist does.
No, yeah, you're right.
Yeah.
Sod 'em, eh? That's it.
I've just finished a painting I'm quite keen on.
Might put that in.
It's called Thirty Days Of Hurt.
What's that one, Loz? Well, for a month every time I became cross or frustrated I painted my fist a different colour and then just punched the canvas.
See.
There you go.
What's not to like there? Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what? I'm going to take her.
Would you accept £400 cash? Why not? Is that is that what I think it is? That's a Sprite Major, isn't it? I think so.
We just call her Bessie.
I don't suppose Bessie's for sale? Not really.
That's where my nephew lives.
Do you mind if I poke my head in? Be my guest.
Hey, here we go.
It's all here.
We had one of these.
Same stove.
Still got that Hey.
Still working.
That brings back memories.
Hey, I wonder if it's got the same Hey! The secret compartment.
Used to hide my Rolos in there.
You'd get four packets in there.
You had to, my brother around.
Old Greedy Guts we used to call him.
Ha! Lovely.
Lovely memories.
Summer holidays seemed to stretch on forever.
Crabs at the Cromer Beach Cafe, sliding in the clay at Weston Super Mare.
The long hot summer of '76.
When she was so swiftly taken from us.
Dad was never the same after that.
None of us were really.
Well, that's not a bad morning's work, Charlie, eh? Three little jobs, done and dusted.
Cheers, Dad.
Cheers.
I quite like working like this.
Little job here, little job there.
Where we off to next? I think we may be on for an early dart, love.
Swing home, see what's on the answer machine? It's my first day, isn't it? Yeah.
Exactly.
Easing you in.
Feels a little bit like my first day if I'm honest.
Can't remember the last time I had an empty job book.
It's not empty.
We've got to fit a set of rockery lights, a week on Friday.
And at the end of the month we've got a ring main in Bakewell.
No, that's my writing.
It says "Ring Mike Bakewell.
" Sometimes, you know, Charlie, life is like a tin of assorted biscuits.
It's a box of chocolates, Dad.
No, this is my theory.
And in this box at this minute all we've got left are Rich Fingers and broken Malted Milks.
But what happens when they've all gone, eh? I dunno.
You throw the box away.
No.
No, you don't.
Because underneath there's another layer.
Yeah, I think I know what you mean, Dad.
It's all a matter of perspective.
If you can stay positive and don't get distracted by the little things in life Have you got a Penguin? What? Oh, yeah.
Mum put it in there.
Oh, charming.
The apprentice gets a Penguin.
Well, it's not all for me, is it? Half for me, half for the boss? No, sorry, but I'm out of action for a little bit.
Yeah.
Thanks for thinking of me though, Pat.
Bye.
Was that work again? Yeah.
They want me to demonstrate crock pots at the NEC Slow Food Fair.
Surely they can wait? Ha! Aw, look at this! Oh, put that away, Mum.
I don't want to look at it.
You look gorgeous.
Look at my flat stomach there.
It's never going to look like that again.
I'm just a sleep-deprived single mum lolloping about in elasticated jeans You don't have to be single.
Oh, the fellas are going to be queuing up, aren't they? Would you like to go out for a nice romantic meal - with me and my baby? Well, I think you're still beautiful.
You've got your mum goggles on.
Bell Maybe you don't need to be diving head first into the sea looking for pearls.
Perhaps if you just had a little paddle along the shore and glanced down occasionally, you'd find those treasures already washed up in the froth.
I'm not getting back with Reuben.
You don't know for sure that he's done anything wrong.
Then why did Lisa Gumble tell the whole world he spent the night in her room? Because she's Lisa Gumble.
Borrow your car, Bell? Well, where are you going? Just popping into town for a bit.
What for? Bit of business, beaky.
Jeez, be back in half an hour.
Bye-bye, Zaccy Mmm, sleepy.
She's a fair old size, Loz.
You going to fill all this? Well, they'll be a few other artists here.
You know, creative types.
What I thought d do was put my acrylics across this back wall here and then my collage work along here so they'd really accost the eye with their vivid colourway, cos that way you get natural footfall in line with the Yeah, in line with the arc of the afternoon sun.
Well, I take my hat off to you, son.
It sounds brilliant.
Cheers, Dad.
Er, listen.
Um, something I wanted to say.
I know I wasn't really around for the first 40 years of your life.
I know I missed out on a lot of things.
Having you back these last few months has made me realise something Something I never realised before.
What were you saying? When? Just before the Cubs came in.
You were about to say something.
Was I? Yeah.
No, it's gone.
So is your family from round here, then? Me dad's from Glossop and my mum's from Guyana.
Oh, right, nice.
South America, isn't it? Well done.
Most people think it's in Africa.
Its colonised by the Dutch, then by the British.
Gained its independence in 1966.
Eddy Grant's from there.
Is he? I met him once at Our Price in Walsall signing records.
Lovely bloke It's also sometimes known as the Land of the Jaguar.
Oh.
How come you know all this, then? My mum used to drum all those weird facts into me.
I was never that interested.
It was hard enough being the only black kid let alone the only Guyanese in Belper.
Oh, bullied, were ya? Yeah.
Little bit.
And knowing the name of Guyana's fifth-biggest export wasn't going to stop Tony Reed slinging my BMX in the brook.
That your one's name? Yeah.
Tony Reed.
He sounds horrible.
He was.
Mine was Paul Griffin.
Here, give us your hand.
Feel that there? Oh, yeah.
Stuck a stick through the spokes of me racer, smashed me head on a lock gate handle.
19 stitches, that.
Never let anyone bully me since.
So what is the fifth biggest export from Guyana? Rum.
Rum.
Rum.
Oh, no.
It's my ex, Julie.
Absolute psychopath.
Hello, Ju-Ju bear.
I'm not being arsey, Julie.
You told me to get my stuff and I've cancelled my day.
I've got a mate who's just run me into town now.
Triffic.
She's put the phone down.
I don't need to go now.
Wish me luck.
I'm not in any rush now.
I'll come in with you.
Got nothing to do now so, bit of company.
It's a job interview, Fergie.
I should probably go in on my own.
Nah, I'll just sit in reception, have a coffee, then you can run me home.
OK.
Hello.
Starling and Son, electrical contractors.
Charlie speaking.
Oh, hello there.
Yes, we were there this morning.
Oh, well, it was only a loose wire so we just thought Yes? Next week? OK.
Well, that's very kind of you.
Alright, thank you.
Bye.
Who was that? Well, that was Mrs Wisley's son.
Wants to know if we can rewire a house he's renovating on Monday.
Hoo! Charlie, my love, I think we've just cracked open the bottom layer.
Just make sure he gets back to me by the end of the day.
Come on then, through here.
Haven't got all day.
Right sit yourselves down.
I'm Morris Charon.
The job entails the cleaning and detailing of our 14 coaches.
Sorry, Mr Charon.
Hang on a minute, son.
You'll get your chance.
I'm talking to the governor here.
Each one of our coaches is cleaned twice a week so it's hard graft Mr Charon, I'm Reuben.
I was the one who rang earlier about the job.
Right.
So who's this clown? This is my ex-girlfriend's cousin.
I work for him.
Who works for me.
I'd have a word with Denise at head office.
She takes the bloody messages.
Woman's an idiot.
Right, basically, we put the tender out and whoever comes up with the best offer gets a two-week trial.
If they're good, we take it from there.
But I have other guys to see before I make any decisions - Oh, oh I see.
What? Nothing, nothing.
Carry on.
Is there a problem, son? No, no.
It's just weird that one minute there's a job going and when you find out he's the boss, not me, it's two-week trials and waiting lists.
Fergie, I'm sure he didn't mean to Hey, what are you implying? Nothing, nothing at all.
Carry on.
Nice picture of the Queen you've got there.
Big fan? She's alright.
It's the Queen, isn't it? I dunno.
It's been there years.
Miss all that though, don't you? Good old days of the Empire? How old do you think I am? Can I say - You think I've got a problem with him because he's black? Well, you did assume I was the boss.
Because you're older than him.
I'm sorry, son.
I didn't mean any offence.
I've got a couple of African lads working for me at the Dundee branch.
African? Oh he's African now, is he? It's a common mistake.
Funny, because this morning he was from Guyana.
Which is in Africa.
No, South America.
Well, I didn't know that.
Happens all the time.
It's fine No.
And you didn't bother to check.
Just lump 'em all in together.
Let me ask you a question.
Which is Guyana's fifth biggest export? I haven't got a bloody clue.
Rum.
It's rum, Mr Charon.
See? Ignorance.
You show me a racist who isn't ignorant and I'll show you a racist who's ignorant.
I'm not a bloody racist! I'm half Greek me! Well, let me ask you another question.
No, Fergie! You're sacked! Hang on.
No.
You're sacked! What? Get out now.
Go and wait in the van.
Well - Go and wait in the van.
Out! Now! When d'you start? Tomorrow morning.
No, thanks to you.
The double act worked, then.
What double act? The old good cop, bad cop routine.
Oh, you had that planned, did you? He was a bully, wasn't he? Had it coming.
Got you the job, didn't it? Actually, I got it because he was impressed with the way I dealt with an unruly member of my workforce.
And who played said unruly member of workforce? You're unbelievable.
Thank you very much.
Where's the naughty granddad? Oh he's putting something on his face.
Is that my anti-aging cream? No Yes, it is.
How long have you been using that? How long do you think I've been using it? No, I'm not falling into that trap.
Put it this way.
I haven't aged since April 122006.
£75 a pot.
Jan, you can't put a price on this face.
The day I stop using product that's the day I give up on life.
My product.
Well, a man's got take pride in his appearance, hasn't he, Zacky boy? Yeah, little bit of hair gel, little bit of aftershave, hello, ladies.
Ah.
Grandparents.
How did that happen? Didn't we just become parents five minutes ago? I know.
It seems like last week Bell was eating soil and wearing a saucepan for a hat.
Do you think I'm doing the right thing taking Charlie on? Yeah, of course I do.
Why do you ask that? Things are hardly rosy at the moment.
I'm not exactly turning work down.
I should encourage her to concentrate on her football or go to uni maybe.
She's doing what she wants to do.
Carrying on the family business.
I know but it's so quiet out there.
She's happy.
Would you rather she sat around looking at the walls, with no motivation and no direction? I suppose we've got Gravy for that.
Yeah, exactly.
She'll be fine.
Yeah.
How about you? How you feeling? Me? Good as gold.
You sure? Yep.
The Doctor says as long as I don't stress out and keep taking the meds I could live till I'm 90.
Hmm.
And you'll still have the skin of a 40-year-old.
Cup of tea there, Charlie.
Saturday.
It is.
And we're all going to Loz's exhibition.
Alright.
I'm up.
Morning, love.
Morning.
Alright? Mm-hm.
Oh, you look nice, Dad.
You like it? Can't whack a classic lemon V-neck.
Thought I'd make an effort for Loz.
Not too much, is it? Uh-uh.
Morning.
Clearly not.
What have you got on? It's my DJ.
It's a bit snug.
I've not worn it since Tony's stag do in Croatia.
Why you wearing it today? It's an art exhibition.
Gravy said we'd all be wearing them.
Did he? It was a joke, was it? I might go and have a little word with Gravy.
I wouldn't.
Nearly bit my head off this morning.
Doesn't want to be disturbed.
Why not? He's got important phone calls to make and he never gets any peace.
Right.
Ooh.
Anyone want a bit of kobasica? What is that? It's a spicy, air-dried sausage thing.
It's a delicacy in Croatia.
I'll have a go.
Good.
I can do single bags but it's going to be cheaper if you buy in bulk.
Ha, you know you're going to use it, you monster.
Gravy, why have you locked this door? Busy! Open this door, Gravy.
I'm going to have to go, Speedy.
Because my sister is banging on my door, even though I'm 26 years old.
Yeah, yeah, laters.
Open this door.
I can't believe you're doing this.
In the room below where my baby sleeps! What you talking about? How could you do this, Gravy? Do what? What's he done? Tell your sister what's in these bags.
Why? What's this? That? That's locust powder.
And this? That's terrapin mix.
What's going on? Tell them.
Mum, Dad I've been buying in double the feed I normally use for my lizards and that, and selling it on to my mates on this exotic animals forum.
Oh.
Why? What did you think I was doing, Bell? I need to go and feed Zac.
Ooh! That's for you, Mum, for rent and stuff.
How do I look? Is this a dream? Busy.
Told you.
20 pence each, please.
Sorry, love.
I think we should be going on the old guest list.
Are you from the Canoe Club? No, no.
It's probably under 'VIPS'.
I don't seem to have any.
Its alright, Fergie, I'll get these.
It's your money, Rockefella.
Six, please.
Thank you.
Oh, my Wally Stott and the BBC Orchestra.
Are we in the right place? There's Loz, look! Hello, son.
Oh.
Alright, Dad.
Is everything alright? Yeah, yeah, no, good.
Yeah.
Well, not great actually.
They've got me down as a painter.
What's wrong with that? I'm an artist.
It's confusing, innit? Is it? Yeah.
Some bloke just offered me £80 do the fascias on his garage.
Oh.
It's meant to be an art fair full of artists.
The bloke over there's selling fig jam.
Is there? Oh, wicked! Don't worry, it's early.
You'll sell something.
Don't hold your breath, Dad.
I've been here four hours.
Listen, Loz, your stuff's better than any of this junk.
Yeah, but is it though? I mean, look around.
You got felt glove puppets, there's seashell encrusted boxes, there's a bloke doing caricatures.
That seems to be what people want.
No one'll pay £120 for a monochrome finger painting of my eyeball.
Let's face it.
I'm never gonna make a living at this, am I? Don't be daft, Loz.
I love your stuff.
Thanks, Gravy.
And don't take this the wrong way but you don't know anything about anything.
Sorry.
Sorry, sorry, everyone.
Look, could you just mind my stall for a few minutes? I think I just need to get some air.
I'd better go and see if he's alright.
Two for a quid.
Mental.
What? Nothing left to make me feel small Luck has left me standing so tall Yeah? I was just on my way home from work.
Thought I'd pop in and say hello.
How's Zac doing? Um, he's sleeping.
Is he? Bless him.
So, I've done my first shift.
Oh, I'll just finish sterilising all these baby bottles and then I'll find you a medal.
Do you want a cup of tea? Yes, please.
How was it, then? Harder than I thought actually.
They use this industrial cleaning compound.
All my hands are cracked, look.
Oh, yeah.
And I splashed a bit in my eye.
Still feel it burning.
Let's have a look.
Um Looks alright to me.
Did you want anything else, then? Uh, yeah.
Here.
Got some money for you and Zac and everything.
Thanks.
I better get going.
Um, you coming over later then, for tea? We're having Mexican.
I can't.
I've got to be up at three.
Oh, yeah.
What d'you want me to do, Bell? I'm trying.
Sorry about that, everyone.
Just needed to step outside to get my head together.
Did you see him? Who? The bloke.
What bloke? The bloke who bought a picture.
You what? You've made your first sale, Loz.
You're joking.
Which one did he buy? Which one, Charlie? The the cityscape one.
Equality Street! That was £200.
£200.
It's all there, look.
You're joking? I sold a picture.
What did this bloke look like? Panama hat.
Moustache.
Dreadlocks.
An ordinary-looking bloke really.
Is he still here? No.
I don't believe it.
I sold a painting.
I sold my first painting! Gravy, um, I just wanted to apologise.
For, you know.
Thinking I was a drugs warlord? Yeah, that.
Sorry.
That's alright, sis.
I'm sorry about your guacamole hand.
How do you mean? What is that? This Charlie, is a piece of history.
It belonged to my father.
He gave this to me on my first day as an apprentice and I passed it onto your father on his first day.
And now the time has come for it to be handed down once more.
Well, go on.
Open it.
Oh, wow.
Screwdriver.
It's not just a screwdriver, Charlie.
It's a left-handed screwdriver.
Come here.
Welcome to the firm.
Thanks, Granddad.
As Mary mounted the last step, the creaking grew ever louder.
The light from the candle guttered and was extinguished.
Mary was plunged into darkness, panic rising in her chest.
And then a voice from nowhere uttered words that chilled her to the bone Dinner's ready.
Oh, God! You alright? Yeah.
Yeah.
You? Yeah.
Um, can I have a quick word? Yeah.
Come in.
Make yourself at home.
Wow.
This place looks fantastic.
This cushion's pretty mad, isn't it? Very Nanna Duckers, I'd imagine.
Oh, yeah.
Even smells like a lovely old person.
That's mine.
I bought that yesterday.
Did you? Oh, well, you smell nice then.
Not in a weird way.
Can you do us a favour? Sit in that chair, would you? Oh, yeah, that is comfy, isn't it? Sink down much further than you imagine.
Yeah.
So, er how you feeling right now? I feel great.
Yeah, yeah.
It's been a good day.
Has it? Yeah.
Initially I was a bit nervous about the whole thing, you know.
My first public showing and everything.
But then it went really well and, um it sort of validated everything I've ever done in my entire life.
Right, get up.
Just get up, get up, get up.
Sit down there.
Sorry.
Um Don't know what happened there.
It's just been a bit of an emotional day, I suppose.
You know, selling a painting.
Yeah, no, I can imagine.
I did sell a painting, didn't I? How do you mean? Well, it's just this mystery buyer.
He sounded a bit weird.
You know, dreadlocks, moustache, Panama hat.
You're in Dr Marten's and a cravat.
There were lots of odd people there.
Yeah, I know.
It's just I think I would have noticed this reggae private investigator bloke.
Which makes me sort of think that maybe he doesn't exist.
Well, who bought the painting then? I think Gravy bought it.
To make me feel better and you lot all covered for him.
Gravy?! Don't be daft.
He couldn't come up with that.
That's a CLEVER plan.
Well, something's going on, Fergie.
I can feel it.
Loz, Gravy did not buy that painting.
It was bought by somebody who genuinely appreciates your talent.
And you shouldn't question who they were or what they looked like.
The important thing is someone out there loves what you do.
Yeah, you're right.
It doesn't matter at all, does it? No.
Well we'd better get inside.
Yeah.
I'm just gonna smash that chair to bits and I'll be right in.
So how much do you make at your little yard sale? Just over 900 quid.
900 quid? Just over.
How? Most of the proceeds came from the sale of that windsurfer.
You sold Julianne? I was going to take her for a dip next week.
You've been saying that since 1992.
Waiting for the right wind conditions How's that for the right wind conditions? Fair enough.
Ariba! Dinner is served.
What do you think, Jan? Matlock's Next Top Model? Ow! There's a 50-50 chance that you may begin to hallucinate.
When do I get a couple of minutes to do something for myself? Do you want to go on a date Um How much again? 40 quid a week all in.
Jesus.
What's the catch? Good afternoon, brethren.
Welcome to the world, son.
Maybe you should get some sleep.
We're not together any more.
Reuben, what happened with you and Bell? I did something very stupid but it's not what Bell thinks.
Julie's ended it.
Go and get your bag.
You're staying here.
Prowler! Fergie, meet Loz.
Me other son.
Alright.
Mum? Is Dad ill again? No! Gravy, I thought you were supposed to be giving us a hand.
I might take up this fishing lark.
Didn't realise it was so much fun.
Peaceful, in't it? Just going to the toilet.
Looks like it's you and me, then, Dad.
Morning.
Morning, Fergie.
Finally, a strapping young man.
What's all this, then? Nearly 30 years' worth of competition wins.
How many competitions have you won? In my glory days I was pulling in three, four wins a week.
Walkmans, cat food, a cement mixer.
Everything you could possibly need.
Course its all online now.
Back then you had to cut out coupons, or finish a limerick.
Now it's just click and send.
I'm lucky if I win one a month.
You won a keytar? I've won three.
There's two more in there.
One of them's signed by Howard Jones.
I always wanted one of these when I was a kid.
Try it on.
Bowm bowm bowm bowm! Suits you, Fergie.
Yeah? Yeah.
You can have it if you like.
Really? For £45.
Oh.
I'm not giving it away.
Some of this stuff is gold.
I could get £80for that on eBay.
Couldn't I, Dad? At least.
Go on, then.
We went in way too high.
Ta-da-da! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my new apprentice.
Oh, Charlie.
You look great.
Really? What do you think of the tool belt? Present from the boss.
You've got a left-handed screwdriver there? Dad's done that joke.
My first day your granddad sent me off for tartan paint and a bubble for a spirit level.
I'm still waiting.
Right, we're off.
Best of luck, kid.
Now, you're going to be entering a very male world and you're probably going to see things a girl of your age shouldn't really see, or hear or smell even.
Mum, I'll be fine.
Course you will.
It's a big thing, seeing my little girl off to work for the first time.
Yeah, but I'm a big girl now.
I know.
And that's why I've popped a Penguin in your lunchbox.
Wagons roll.
That for me, then? You wanted to see me? Yes, Reuben.
Take a seat.
Now, as you may be aware, I've just had a baby.
So, I am unable to contribute to the upkeep and running of this house in the way I used to.
Why are you speaking in that scary voice? Because what I'm about to say is important, Reuben.
You need to get a job.
I've got a job.
No.
You've got a van with your phone number on the back of it.
I'm talking about a proper job that brings in money.
And painting flames on a boy racer's Fiesta once a week does not constitute a proper job.
I'm building up my portfolio.
Client database and You've got responsibility now, Reuben.
Financial responsibility to me and Zac.
Well, how much did you spend on all these baby clothes? Are you begrudging your only son a little pair of booties? A T-shirt? A hand-woven Choktaw Indian papoose? No, no, I'm not.
But you have to give these things time, Bell.
No business makes money in its first two years.
I know.
And you've been going three years.
I can't work for a while so you've got to pick up the baton.
Yeah, yeah, I will.
I'll start looking.
I promise.
No need.
Cleaning buses? You'd better give them a ring.
No, no.
I can't split it.
I'm only doing bags of ten.
Yeah.
It's from Chile.
It's good.
Yeah.
No, no, don't If you meet us in town with the cash, I'll give it to you then.
Well, it dims alright most of the time but sometimes when I turn it right the way up, all the downstairs lights go off and the oven starts beeping.
What do you think that might be? Sounds like your house is haunted.
I'm joking, Mrs Wisley.
No, it sounds like there's a loose connection in the switch.
We'll whip the cover off, check the wiring and we'll fix your kettle.
Oh, me kettle isn't broke.
Stick it on then, love.
Right, Charlie.
I'm gonna need the three-mil flathead.
That's the orange one and Oh, you're good.
Knock, knock.
Bought you some more books Oh, cheers.
Any more Binchys? Listen, Jan, thanks for letting me use Bessie.
I will pay my way as soon as I'm back on my feet.
Don't mention it.
Mi casa, su casa.
Right.
So I'm thinking about using that end for my dining room come living room come recreation area and this end as a bed.
You've got it looking nice.
Yeah.
Oh! Where d'you get that chair from? It was in the garage.
Gravy said I could have it.
I should've asked you It's just that we don't really use that chair any more.
No, that's what I thought.
That's why I got it.
No, I'm being silly.
So, home sweet home, eh? Yeah.
It's just nice to make a fresh start.
Breaking up with Julie is the best thing that could've happened to me.
I feel like I can breathe again, y'know? And being here with you guys, surrounded by all the love, it's great.
Every time I look at you and Uncle Terry together it really brings it home to me that I'll never have that.
Yeah, that's why we don't use that chair.
Hm? It's the Crying Chair.
The what? That's what my mum called it.
It's been in the family for nobody really knows how long.
But it's the maddest thing - anyone who sits in it always bursts into tears.
That's why we slung it in the garage.
Gravy should have mentioned it.
He never.
Right.
Well, I'll leave you to your Binchys, then.
Don't tell anyone about the crying.
Take the ribbon from your hair Shake it loose and let it fall Does anyone want another tea? We're all done here now, Mrs Wisley.
Ooh, that was quick.
I'll just nip upstairs and get my purse.
What do you reckon, Charlie? What's a job like this cost? Er.
Forty quid? No.
It's only a loose wire.
The standard price is a couple of cups of tea and a plate of biscuits.
Oh, no, I couldn't possibly.
Ooh, is that the time? It is three minutes past twelve and we've broken for lunch, I'm afraid.
But if you have any problems with our beverage and biscuit-based pricing, you can contact head office.
But not during the lunch hour.
Look after yourself.
Bye.
Got the instructions? How many nautical miles has she done? It's never been used.
I won it in a Word Search.
Well, if you think you can find it cheaper somewhere else, go somewhere else.
Yeah, bye.
Here, Gravy, I hear you told Fergie he could use the Crying Chair.
Yeah.
Did he cry? Course he did.
How does it work? Morning, chaps.
You got a tape measure? There.
Cheers.
Right, tape measure, the guy's phone number.
What else? You alright, Loz? Yeah, fine.
I just got 1001 things to do for the exhibition so You lot all still coming? Yeah, wouldn't miss it for the world, son.
Great.
I better get down there and measure up the space.
I'll come with you if you like.
Yeah? That would be lovely actually, Dad.
Bit of moral support.
You'll be fine, Loz.
I've never put any of my stuff up for sale before.
What if I don't sell anything? Bit of a damning indictment, innit? You just need to put up the stuff you like and sod what anyone else thinks.
That's what an artist does.
No, yeah, you're right.
Yeah.
Sod 'em, eh? That's it.
I've just finished a painting I'm quite keen on.
Might put that in.
It's called Thirty Days Of Hurt.
What's that one, Loz? Well, for a month every time I became cross or frustrated I painted my fist a different colour and then just punched the canvas.
See.
There you go.
What's not to like there? Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what? I'm going to take her.
Would you accept £400 cash? Why not? Is that is that what I think it is? That's a Sprite Major, isn't it? I think so.
We just call her Bessie.
I don't suppose Bessie's for sale? Not really.
That's where my nephew lives.
Do you mind if I poke my head in? Be my guest.
Hey, here we go.
It's all here.
We had one of these.
Same stove.
Still got that Hey.
Still working.
That brings back memories.
Hey, I wonder if it's got the same Hey! The secret compartment.
Used to hide my Rolos in there.
You'd get four packets in there.
You had to, my brother around.
Old Greedy Guts we used to call him.
Ha! Lovely.
Lovely memories.
Summer holidays seemed to stretch on forever.
Crabs at the Cromer Beach Cafe, sliding in the clay at Weston Super Mare.
The long hot summer of '76.
When she was so swiftly taken from us.
Dad was never the same after that.
None of us were really.
Well, that's not a bad morning's work, Charlie, eh? Three little jobs, done and dusted.
Cheers, Dad.
Cheers.
I quite like working like this.
Little job here, little job there.
Where we off to next? I think we may be on for an early dart, love.
Swing home, see what's on the answer machine? It's my first day, isn't it? Yeah.
Exactly.
Easing you in.
Feels a little bit like my first day if I'm honest.
Can't remember the last time I had an empty job book.
It's not empty.
We've got to fit a set of rockery lights, a week on Friday.
And at the end of the month we've got a ring main in Bakewell.
No, that's my writing.
It says "Ring Mike Bakewell.
" Sometimes, you know, Charlie, life is like a tin of assorted biscuits.
It's a box of chocolates, Dad.
No, this is my theory.
And in this box at this minute all we've got left are Rich Fingers and broken Malted Milks.
But what happens when they've all gone, eh? I dunno.
You throw the box away.
No.
No, you don't.
Because underneath there's another layer.
Yeah, I think I know what you mean, Dad.
It's all a matter of perspective.
If you can stay positive and don't get distracted by the little things in life Have you got a Penguin? What? Oh, yeah.
Mum put it in there.
Oh, charming.
The apprentice gets a Penguin.
Well, it's not all for me, is it? Half for me, half for the boss? No, sorry, but I'm out of action for a little bit.
Yeah.
Thanks for thinking of me though, Pat.
Bye.
Was that work again? Yeah.
They want me to demonstrate crock pots at the NEC Slow Food Fair.
Surely they can wait? Ha! Aw, look at this! Oh, put that away, Mum.
I don't want to look at it.
You look gorgeous.
Look at my flat stomach there.
It's never going to look like that again.
I'm just a sleep-deprived single mum lolloping about in elasticated jeans You don't have to be single.
Oh, the fellas are going to be queuing up, aren't they? Would you like to go out for a nice romantic meal - with me and my baby? Well, I think you're still beautiful.
You've got your mum goggles on.
Bell Maybe you don't need to be diving head first into the sea looking for pearls.
Perhaps if you just had a little paddle along the shore and glanced down occasionally, you'd find those treasures already washed up in the froth.
I'm not getting back with Reuben.
You don't know for sure that he's done anything wrong.
Then why did Lisa Gumble tell the whole world he spent the night in her room? Because she's Lisa Gumble.
Borrow your car, Bell? Well, where are you going? Just popping into town for a bit.
What for? Bit of business, beaky.
Jeez, be back in half an hour.
Bye-bye, Zaccy Mmm, sleepy.
She's a fair old size, Loz.
You going to fill all this? Well, they'll be a few other artists here.
You know, creative types.
What I thought d do was put my acrylics across this back wall here and then my collage work along here so they'd really accost the eye with their vivid colourway, cos that way you get natural footfall in line with the Yeah, in line with the arc of the afternoon sun.
Well, I take my hat off to you, son.
It sounds brilliant.
Cheers, Dad.
Er, listen.
Um, something I wanted to say.
I know I wasn't really around for the first 40 years of your life.
I know I missed out on a lot of things.
Having you back these last few months has made me realise something Something I never realised before.
What were you saying? When? Just before the Cubs came in.
You were about to say something.
Was I? Yeah.
No, it's gone.
So is your family from round here, then? Me dad's from Glossop and my mum's from Guyana.
Oh, right, nice.
South America, isn't it? Well done.
Most people think it's in Africa.
Its colonised by the Dutch, then by the British.
Gained its independence in 1966.
Eddy Grant's from there.
Is he? I met him once at Our Price in Walsall signing records.
Lovely bloke It's also sometimes known as the Land of the Jaguar.
Oh.
How come you know all this, then? My mum used to drum all those weird facts into me.
I was never that interested.
It was hard enough being the only black kid let alone the only Guyanese in Belper.
Oh, bullied, were ya? Yeah.
Little bit.
And knowing the name of Guyana's fifth-biggest export wasn't going to stop Tony Reed slinging my BMX in the brook.
That your one's name? Yeah.
Tony Reed.
He sounds horrible.
He was.
Mine was Paul Griffin.
Here, give us your hand.
Feel that there? Oh, yeah.
Stuck a stick through the spokes of me racer, smashed me head on a lock gate handle.
19 stitches, that.
Never let anyone bully me since.
So what is the fifth biggest export from Guyana? Rum.
Rum.
Rum.
Oh, no.
It's my ex, Julie.
Absolute psychopath.
Hello, Ju-Ju bear.
I'm not being arsey, Julie.
You told me to get my stuff and I've cancelled my day.
I've got a mate who's just run me into town now.
Triffic.
She's put the phone down.
I don't need to go now.
Wish me luck.
I'm not in any rush now.
I'll come in with you.
Got nothing to do now so, bit of company.
It's a job interview, Fergie.
I should probably go in on my own.
Nah, I'll just sit in reception, have a coffee, then you can run me home.
OK.
Hello.
Starling and Son, electrical contractors.
Charlie speaking.
Oh, hello there.
Yes, we were there this morning.
Oh, well, it was only a loose wire so we just thought Yes? Next week? OK.
Well, that's very kind of you.
Alright, thank you.
Bye.
Who was that? Well, that was Mrs Wisley's son.
Wants to know if we can rewire a house he's renovating on Monday.
Hoo! Charlie, my love, I think we've just cracked open the bottom layer.
Just make sure he gets back to me by the end of the day.
Come on then, through here.
Haven't got all day.
Right sit yourselves down.
I'm Morris Charon.
The job entails the cleaning and detailing of our 14 coaches.
Sorry, Mr Charon.
Hang on a minute, son.
You'll get your chance.
I'm talking to the governor here.
Each one of our coaches is cleaned twice a week so it's hard graft Mr Charon, I'm Reuben.
I was the one who rang earlier about the job.
Right.
So who's this clown? This is my ex-girlfriend's cousin.
I work for him.
Who works for me.
I'd have a word with Denise at head office.
She takes the bloody messages.
Woman's an idiot.
Right, basically, we put the tender out and whoever comes up with the best offer gets a two-week trial.
If they're good, we take it from there.
But I have other guys to see before I make any decisions - Oh, oh I see.
What? Nothing, nothing.
Carry on.
Is there a problem, son? No, no.
It's just weird that one minute there's a job going and when you find out he's the boss, not me, it's two-week trials and waiting lists.
Fergie, I'm sure he didn't mean to Hey, what are you implying? Nothing, nothing at all.
Carry on.
Nice picture of the Queen you've got there.
Big fan? She's alright.
It's the Queen, isn't it? I dunno.
It's been there years.
Miss all that though, don't you? Good old days of the Empire? How old do you think I am? Can I say - You think I've got a problem with him because he's black? Well, you did assume I was the boss.
Because you're older than him.
I'm sorry, son.
I didn't mean any offence.
I've got a couple of African lads working for me at the Dundee branch.
African? Oh he's African now, is he? It's a common mistake.
Funny, because this morning he was from Guyana.
Which is in Africa.
No, South America.
Well, I didn't know that.
Happens all the time.
It's fine No.
And you didn't bother to check.
Just lump 'em all in together.
Let me ask you a question.
Which is Guyana's fifth biggest export? I haven't got a bloody clue.
Rum.
It's rum, Mr Charon.
See? Ignorance.
You show me a racist who isn't ignorant and I'll show you a racist who's ignorant.
I'm not a bloody racist! I'm half Greek me! Well, let me ask you another question.
No, Fergie! You're sacked! Hang on.
No.
You're sacked! What? Get out now.
Go and wait in the van.
Well - Go and wait in the van.
Out! Now! When d'you start? Tomorrow morning.
No, thanks to you.
The double act worked, then.
What double act? The old good cop, bad cop routine.
Oh, you had that planned, did you? He was a bully, wasn't he? Had it coming.
Got you the job, didn't it? Actually, I got it because he was impressed with the way I dealt with an unruly member of my workforce.
And who played said unruly member of workforce? You're unbelievable.
Thank you very much.
Where's the naughty granddad? Oh he's putting something on his face.
Is that my anti-aging cream? No Yes, it is.
How long have you been using that? How long do you think I've been using it? No, I'm not falling into that trap.
Put it this way.
I haven't aged since April 122006.
£75 a pot.
Jan, you can't put a price on this face.
The day I stop using product that's the day I give up on life.
My product.
Well, a man's got take pride in his appearance, hasn't he, Zacky boy? Yeah, little bit of hair gel, little bit of aftershave, hello, ladies.
Ah.
Grandparents.
How did that happen? Didn't we just become parents five minutes ago? I know.
It seems like last week Bell was eating soil and wearing a saucepan for a hat.
Do you think I'm doing the right thing taking Charlie on? Yeah, of course I do.
Why do you ask that? Things are hardly rosy at the moment.
I'm not exactly turning work down.
I should encourage her to concentrate on her football or go to uni maybe.
She's doing what she wants to do.
Carrying on the family business.
I know but it's so quiet out there.
She's happy.
Would you rather she sat around looking at the walls, with no motivation and no direction? I suppose we've got Gravy for that.
Yeah, exactly.
She'll be fine.
Yeah.
How about you? How you feeling? Me? Good as gold.
You sure? Yep.
The Doctor says as long as I don't stress out and keep taking the meds I could live till I'm 90.
Hmm.
And you'll still have the skin of a 40-year-old.
Cup of tea there, Charlie.
Saturday.
It is.
And we're all going to Loz's exhibition.
Alright.
I'm up.
Morning, love.
Morning.
Alright? Mm-hm.
Oh, you look nice, Dad.
You like it? Can't whack a classic lemon V-neck.
Thought I'd make an effort for Loz.
Not too much, is it? Uh-uh.
Morning.
Clearly not.
What have you got on? It's my DJ.
It's a bit snug.
I've not worn it since Tony's stag do in Croatia.
Why you wearing it today? It's an art exhibition.
Gravy said we'd all be wearing them.
Did he? It was a joke, was it? I might go and have a little word with Gravy.
I wouldn't.
Nearly bit my head off this morning.
Doesn't want to be disturbed.
Why not? He's got important phone calls to make and he never gets any peace.
Right.
Ooh.
Anyone want a bit of kobasica? What is that? It's a spicy, air-dried sausage thing.
It's a delicacy in Croatia.
I'll have a go.
Good.
I can do single bags but it's going to be cheaper if you buy in bulk.
Ha, you know you're going to use it, you monster.
Gravy, why have you locked this door? Busy! Open this door, Gravy.
I'm going to have to go, Speedy.
Because my sister is banging on my door, even though I'm 26 years old.
Yeah, yeah, laters.
Open this door.
I can't believe you're doing this.
In the room below where my baby sleeps! What you talking about? How could you do this, Gravy? Do what? What's he done? Tell your sister what's in these bags.
Why? What's this? That? That's locust powder.
And this? That's terrapin mix.
What's going on? Tell them.
Mum, Dad I've been buying in double the feed I normally use for my lizards and that, and selling it on to my mates on this exotic animals forum.
Oh.
Why? What did you think I was doing, Bell? I need to go and feed Zac.
Ooh! That's for you, Mum, for rent and stuff.
How do I look? Is this a dream? Busy.
Told you.
20 pence each, please.
Sorry, love.
I think we should be going on the old guest list.
Are you from the Canoe Club? No, no.
It's probably under 'VIPS'.
I don't seem to have any.
Its alright, Fergie, I'll get these.
It's your money, Rockefella.
Six, please.
Thank you.
Oh, my Wally Stott and the BBC Orchestra.
Are we in the right place? There's Loz, look! Hello, son.
Oh.
Alright, Dad.
Is everything alright? Yeah, yeah, no, good.
Yeah.
Well, not great actually.
They've got me down as a painter.
What's wrong with that? I'm an artist.
It's confusing, innit? Is it? Yeah.
Some bloke just offered me £80 do the fascias on his garage.
Oh.
It's meant to be an art fair full of artists.
The bloke over there's selling fig jam.
Is there? Oh, wicked! Don't worry, it's early.
You'll sell something.
Don't hold your breath, Dad.
I've been here four hours.
Listen, Loz, your stuff's better than any of this junk.
Yeah, but is it though? I mean, look around.
You got felt glove puppets, there's seashell encrusted boxes, there's a bloke doing caricatures.
That seems to be what people want.
No one'll pay £120 for a monochrome finger painting of my eyeball.
Let's face it.
I'm never gonna make a living at this, am I? Don't be daft, Loz.
I love your stuff.
Thanks, Gravy.
And don't take this the wrong way but you don't know anything about anything.
Sorry.
Sorry, sorry, everyone.
Look, could you just mind my stall for a few minutes? I think I just need to get some air.
I'd better go and see if he's alright.
Two for a quid.
Mental.
What? Nothing left to make me feel small Luck has left me standing so tall Yeah? I was just on my way home from work.
Thought I'd pop in and say hello.
How's Zac doing? Um, he's sleeping.
Is he? Bless him.
So, I've done my first shift.
Oh, I'll just finish sterilising all these baby bottles and then I'll find you a medal.
Do you want a cup of tea? Yes, please.
How was it, then? Harder than I thought actually.
They use this industrial cleaning compound.
All my hands are cracked, look.
Oh, yeah.
And I splashed a bit in my eye.
Still feel it burning.
Let's have a look.
Um Looks alright to me.
Did you want anything else, then? Uh, yeah.
Here.
Got some money for you and Zac and everything.
Thanks.
I better get going.
Um, you coming over later then, for tea? We're having Mexican.
I can't.
I've got to be up at three.
Oh, yeah.
What d'you want me to do, Bell? I'm trying.
Sorry about that, everyone.
Just needed to step outside to get my head together.
Did you see him? Who? The bloke.
What bloke? The bloke who bought a picture.
You what? You've made your first sale, Loz.
You're joking.
Which one did he buy? Which one, Charlie? The the cityscape one.
Equality Street! That was £200.
£200.
It's all there, look.
You're joking? I sold a picture.
What did this bloke look like? Panama hat.
Moustache.
Dreadlocks.
An ordinary-looking bloke really.
Is he still here? No.
I don't believe it.
I sold a painting.
I sold my first painting! Gravy, um, I just wanted to apologise.
For, you know.
Thinking I was a drugs warlord? Yeah, that.
Sorry.
That's alright, sis.
I'm sorry about your guacamole hand.
How do you mean? What is that? This Charlie, is a piece of history.
It belonged to my father.
He gave this to me on my first day as an apprentice and I passed it onto your father on his first day.
And now the time has come for it to be handed down once more.
Well, go on.
Open it.
Oh, wow.
Screwdriver.
It's not just a screwdriver, Charlie.
It's a left-handed screwdriver.
Come here.
Welcome to the firm.
Thanks, Granddad.
As Mary mounted the last step, the creaking grew ever louder.
The light from the candle guttered and was extinguished.
Mary was plunged into darkness, panic rising in her chest.
And then a voice from nowhere uttered words that chilled her to the bone Dinner's ready.
Oh, God! You alright? Yeah.
Yeah.
You? Yeah.
Um, can I have a quick word? Yeah.
Come in.
Make yourself at home.
Wow.
This place looks fantastic.
This cushion's pretty mad, isn't it? Very Nanna Duckers, I'd imagine.
Oh, yeah.
Even smells like a lovely old person.
That's mine.
I bought that yesterday.
Did you? Oh, well, you smell nice then.
Not in a weird way.
Can you do us a favour? Sit in that chair, would you? Oh, yeah, that is comfy, isn't it? Sink down much further than you imagine.
Yeah.
So, er how you feeling right now? I feel great.
Yeah, yeah.
It's been a good day.
Has it? Yeah.
Initially I was a bit nervous about the whole thing, you know.
My first public showing and everything.
But then it went really well and, um it sort of validated everything I've ever done in my entire life.
Right, get up.
Just get up, get up, get up.
Sit down there.
Sorry.
Um Don't know what happened there.
It's just been a bit of an emotional day, I suppose.
You know, selling a painting.
Yeah, no, I can imagine.
I did sell a painting, didn't I? How do you mean? Well, it's just this mystery buyer.
He sounded a bit weird.
You know, dreadlocks, moustache, Panama hat.
You're in Dr Marten's and a cravat.
There were lots of odd people there.
Yeah, I know.
It's just I think I would have noticed this reggae private investigator bloke.
Which makes me sort of think that maybe he doesn't exist.
Well, who bought the painting then? I think Gravy bought it.
To make me feel better and you lot all covered for him.
Gravy?! Don't be daft.
He couldn't come up with that.
That's a CLEVER plan.
Well, something's going on, Fergie.
I can feel it.
Loz, Gravy did not buy that painting.
It was bought by somebody who genuinely appreciates your talent.
And you shouldn't question who they were or what they looked like.
The important thing is someone out there loves what you do.
Yeah, you're right.
It doesn't matter at all, does it? No.
Well we'd better get inside.
Yeah.
I'm just gonna smash that chair to bits and I'll be right in.
So how much do you make at your little yard sale? Just over 900 quid.
900 quid? Just over.
How? Most of the proceeds came from the sale of that windsurfer.
You sold Julianne? I was going to take her for a dip next week.
You've been saying that since 1992.
Waiting for the right wind conditions How's that for the right wind conditions? Fair enough.
Ariba! Dinner is served.
What do you think, Jan? Matlock's Next Top Model? Ow! There's a 50-50 chance that you may begin to hallucinate.
When do I get a couple of minutes to do something for myself? Do you want to go on a date Um How much again? 40 quid a week all in.
Jesus.
What's the catch? Good afternoon, brethren.