Stella (2012) s01e06 Episode Script

Episode Six

Oh, Mam, you've got a toy boy Do you want to come down the rec, under 15's, bring your mam if you like.
No point.
She won't go out with you.
I thinker may have forgotten how to do it, like.
I'm gonna have to remind you, aren't I? Who's Rob Morgan? Luke's dad.
I'll thank you not to mention his name again, in this house or your mother's.
It's cos I'm fat, isn't it? What? You keep avoiding me cos I gone fat with the baby.
It's from your dad.
Was I snoring? I was, wasn't I? Sorry, babes.
- Are you alright? - Thank God for that.
- What? - I thought I dreamt you.
It's Emma.
I'll be home now.
What's the matter? Oh Alright, calm down.
Emma! Stop it! Alright, I'll be back now in 20 minutes.
Don't do nothing silly.
She's having another row with Sunil.
I better go.
I'll keep your Coco Pops warm for next time then, shall I? OK.
There is gonna be a next time, isn't there? Are you a bit thick or what? "Weather now.
" "Got through the bank holiday with the normal downpour and high winds and now everyone is back to work it's sunshine all day.
" "Top temperatures of 20 across the whole of South Wales.
" "Stick your head out of the office window and enjoy.
" - What did it say? - What? - Your dad's letter.
- Nothing.
I chucked it.
I was just trying to find out for my project - Ben, leave it now, alright? Forget it.
And don't say nothing to mam about it, she'll go mental.
- Do you want a fried egg? - Yeah.
I don't care! You shouldn't have said it! - You're a bloody psycho! - Piss off back to Leeds! Lads, your sister is a nutter! Took him a while to work that one out.
- Off for a run, is it? - She's kicked me out again.
Have a word, will you Stell? Morning! Horse do think you been up to no good.
Don't he, Glen? Aye! Well maybe Horse is right.
- What's wrong with his voice? - He do sound a bit hoarse, don't he? I'm gonna try him on the honey now.
- Do you want a bit more? - Yeah.
- Morning! - Hiya.
- Where've you been? - You know where.
I stayed at Sean's.
- Nice meal? - Yes.
- Is he your boyfriend now? - Yeah, he is.
Alright? So what's happened then, with you and laughing boy? - I told him he's not coming to the scan.
- Why not? - Can I come? - No! Finish your breakfast.
Cos he's a knob and a liar.
Emma, it's his baby and all and you're already late having this scan done.
So? Well, I'm coming with you.
You can't go on your own, mun! - Fried egg? - No thanks.
I'm dieting.
- # Cos you got a boyfriend - # Cos I got a boyfriend I got a boyfriend.
What do you think? - Hiya! - Alright, Stell? Never been better, Rhi.
Who put that cockin smile on your face then? Wouldn't you like to cockin know? Yo! Mrs B, you is looking mighty fine divine! Here you go.
There she blows! What in God's name is the matter? Have you been up all night drinking? No.
I've been up all night shaggin.
You should try it.
See ya! How are you this morning, my love? Hiya, Stell, you're looking very you look nice, like.
- Allen.
Is that a wig? - Yes.
Apricot blaze they call it.
Real hair.
From a Russian! Oh, I see.
Like that is it? Had her wicked way with me and now she don't wanna know.
Aw, you're just another notch on the bedpost McGaskill, deal with it.
Oh, my God, I'm 42 and I'm snogging in the street.
Aren't you meant to be in school? Going in late, aren't I? Revision period.
That's the case why aren't you revising? Alright, beaut? Good morning.
Your brother's hard at it upstairs.
Luke's hard at it and all, aren't you, Luke? Alright, alright.
See you.
Please, don't encourage her.
You got any of them diet shakes? By the cat food.
Alright, Stell? Aw On the porn now, is it, presh? Nadine not giving you none at home, is she? Dropped the last one in the bath.
Went all crispy.
So, Sunil tells me Emma had another of her tantrums? Did he? I just heard he'd upset her again.
Well, there's two sides to a story.
There's 22 sides to a story.
That's 4.
Glad it's you on the till, butt, cos technically, Tanisha and that they're family now.
Feels a bit, you know, buying this like.
Mind you, I was thinking, are you and me still family? Am I still his step dad, since me and you got divorced like? No idea.
I was wondering the other day on the bog like.
Sort of thing they'd ask you on QI.
I tell you what, Nadine, she do love that show, she do.
Nadine watches QI? Yep.
Don't understand a word of it.
But she bloody loves that Stephen Free.
Luke, I'm going to cash and carry, if there's any probs call me.
Jag, I've been thinking.
This Grease Lightning thing for the stag.
I'm gonna go Olivia Newton-Johns, like.
You're the one that I want.
You are the one I want.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Cos I do love wearing a bra, me.
Aw Why did I ever let him go? Have you and Sunil had another row? Yeah, massive.
Don't split up, will ya? I've got no chance with Luke if you're not with Sun.
Jasminder, you got no chance anyway, he's old enough to be your uncle.
So? I like 'em old.
More experienced.
And he's a criminal.
Sort of like a gangster, ain't he? Shut up.
Em, you're not gonna believe what Rachel Soy just told me.
What? The girls said I should tell you but I'm not so sure.
I don't know what's for best.
Stop faffing, Aim.
What you got? I'm sorry Em, but she saw them over Bargoed by where her nan lives.
In this doorway, kissing like.
Sunil and this woman.
See, all your family and your friends will be sat in these chairs by here weeping along with you for comfort.
And then we come to the committal, which to be honest is the hard part.
But like I do say to all my customers, once you get that bit over with the rest is the walk in the park.
By here we have the coffin.
And either we can go for the descending option, which is nice cos it's a bit like a burial but without the mud.
Or we can go for the sliding door option, which I think I prefer cos it feels a lot more final.
Or you've got your third option, which is my least favourite and that's closing drapes.
I don't want to influence you cos at the end of the day it's you that's got to grieve but if you ask me, I don't think you get no closure with a curtain.
Erm, I'm going to leave you with that a minute, my love.
Have a little play, if you like.
How do you know? Paula will be all over the shop.
Has he told you? Yeah.
7th June then, is it? I need a drink.
How's Dai about it all? That's understandable.
Is she in? Yeah.
She could do with cheering up to be honest.
The date For Dai's trial have come through.
Well, I was gonna give you the details from last night.
Ponty magistrates, 7th June.
It'll be alright, won't it? Course it will.
It's an open and thingy case, mun.
Dai haven't done nothing wrong.
Pay the money back over 40 odd years.
They can't ask any more, can they? Exactly.
So, go on then.
How many times? Five.
Positions? Three, no four.
Did you go on top? Of course.
Standing up.
And did you? Yes! Go, girl! I bet that bike's a killer today.
It is but I don't care.
He's coming over lunchtime as well.
I'm so bloody pleased for you, babe.
Me too.
Right, I've gotta nip home, see my husband.
Yeah, gotta nip home, see my boyfriend.
Mam! I been looking everywhere.
Why aren't you in school? What's happened? Amy Edwards said Rachel Soy said Sunny's been seeing someone else.
You've gotta talk to him, presh.
You're getting married in six weeks, you're having a baby in ten.
You can't dump him over some bitchy schoolgirl gossip.
It's not gossip.
Yes, it is, mun.
You gotta give him the benefit of the doubt.
We're buying wedding saris on Thursday.
Not any more we're not.
I'm sorry, Mam, but he's dodgy.
It's been building up for a while.
I'm always catching him out.
He'll say he's revising when he's not, over his mates when he's not.
The other night I went round to surprise him with some Arctic roll and some Percy Pigs and his mam said he was out.
Your point being? He've had his chips.
I'm bringing this baby up on my own now.
You'll help me, won't you? Don't be daft, mun, it's not gonna come to that! It's like a proper grown-up baby now, isn't it? Yeah.
Oh! Look at them tiny feet.
Remember the first one, the first scan? Looked like a little scampi.
If it's a girl I might call her Shrewsbury.
What do you think? OK.
My name's Luke Morris.
He asked me to call.
OK, well if you just pass on the message.
Hiya! How'd it go? If she goes for me, you hold her back.
What's he doing here? Get out.
I told you, we're finished! Ben! Ben, behave! What you doing, stupid?.
I'm holding her back.
Sunil told me to.
Not yet, mate.
Mum, tell him to leave.
No, I'm not going.
I'm staying here.
Cos I love you, don't I? Can you go out side to do this? You know I do! Amy Edwards is off her head.
So is Rachel Soy.
And she got a stupid name.
They're lying to you, babe.
They're jealous, why can't you see that? So who's this older woman? There is no older woman.
There's only you.
I think you two need to be on your own.
You're my girl, Ems.
My soul mate.
Please, don't say soul mate.
Can I watch Top gear now? Oh, Sunny! Get a room.
I take it the sari shopping's back on for Thursday then? Thank God for that.
Cup of tea anyone? Locked meself out.
Of course you did.
Interesting choice.
I know.
Weird thing is that actually does it for me.
Whoa! Sorry.
Needs a bit of getting used to that.
Oh! Just the one today, is it? Yeah, thanks.
Can you pay me today for last week and all? Oh.
Sorry, yeah.
Five quid it is.
Al, are you alright, beaut? I saw you the other day with that fella.
Sean? I don't know his name, I just Are you going with him like? Yeah, I suppose I am now.
Bit young for you, isn't he? Charming! Sorry.
I didn't mean it, I just I didn't realise I thought I thought I was still in with a chance like.
Did you? It doesn't matter.
I had no idea.
I know at the curry buffet you fancied your chances but I thought that was just spur of the moment.
No, I've, erm well, I think I've been in love with you for years like.
Don't be ridiculous! I have, since 1984 85.
But you married Melissa.
That was a blip.
Bloody long blip.
You were together for 12 years.
You had little Alan! I know.
Listen, babes.
You're a smashing feller and you're gonna - Make somebody a lovely husband one day but it isn't you, I know.
It's fine.
All done.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Can I say something, as a friend like? What? The wig.
It's not really working, presh.
No, I know.
You're just gonna have to tell it as it is, love.
But I'm scared though, Paul.
I've never been wrong side of the law.
Well, apart from that time - There's no need to mention that.
The shape of his eye was funny.
We're gonna have to be prepared for the worst thingy scenario, that way nothing is gonna phase you.
So, Mr Cosh, you claim that you didn't realise you were being overpaid.
You claim you thought you were entitled to the money.
You claim you were innocent of any deception? You claim, you claim, you claim! Alright.
Easy now, Paul.
You've gotta get a sense of it though, love.
Go on then.
How do you propose to pay back the state, Mr Cosh? How do you plan to pay back the money that you to all intensive purposes stole from the state? Well, your Honour, I reckon I could do a fiver a week, maybe a tenner.
ã10! You owe nearly ten grand, man! I know, your Honour, but I just You won't fool me, Mr Cosh, with your puppy dog eyes and your "Oh, I am so sorry" look on your face.
Are you sorry, Mr Cosh? Are you sorry for what you've done? Yes.
I can't hear you, Mr Cosh! I'm sorry, your Honour.
Louder! I'm sorry, your Honour.
How sorry? Very sorry, your Honour.
Are you prepared to be punished by the state, Mr Cosh? Yes, please.
Bend over.
Don't move.
Yes, your Honour.
Why've you got your curtains closed? Stell, it's not a good time.
You'll never guess what, Alan just told me he's been in love with me since 1984! Don't go in there.
Alright, Stell? Oh, God.
I'm thinking of learning Punjabi.
Serious? Yeah, once the exams are out the way like.
I'll be able to talk to your mam then, won't I? But you can already talk to her.
She speaks English.
I suppose so.
Maybe I'll learn Welsh then.
She doesn't speak Welsh.
Just Emma.
Tanisha's got hers.
You don't have to wear one though, do you? A sari.
I don't know.
It's up to me I suppose.
Come round for your tea tonight.
Show me what you bought.
I can't tonight babes.
I got a stack of ironing to do and Ben's homework.
I see, playing hard to get already? What? No! I don't play games, me.
Well, apart from Cluedo which I have to warn you I am brilliant at.
Thanks for another night of absolute filth.
Put her down, mun, Sean! See you.
Who invited bloody Nadine? Hiya.
Hiya! I asked "Nadiney" along, seeing as she's a second mum to you, Emma.
Says who? OK.
Do you mind if I have a seat facing? I'll be sick if I go backwards.
Have fun, ladies.
Don't work too hard! He've got his chemistry practical tomorrow.
Alright? Well, she's gone sari shopping today so I was just wondering Brilliant.
See you then.
I'd hate to live in Cardiff mind, dirty place.
I do like it, I do.
Big Issue, please.
I think it's disgusting mind what this country's coming to.
That people like him haven't got no home.
Buy a copy then, Nadine, if you feel so strong.
No point.
I can read yours.
I'm gonna read hers! Getting like India, isn't it? Really? Didn't know you'd ever been.
Hang on a minute, girls! Do you mind if I sit in the front, only I get car sick and the back! Sahali silks.
Yeah, it's on the right as you come down City Road.
We must be really near then.
Alright, see you in there.
Paula's two minutes away.
Look at this, Em! You'd looked stunning in the gold.
Tanisha, can I just say, I'm really grateful to you and Jagadeesh for giving Luke a job.
There's not many people who give someone like him - An ex-convict.
Well, yeah.
Not many people who would take a risk like.
He's a good boy really.
Oi! Tell him you want cash.
Last time I helped him out his cheque bounced.
That was amazing.
You just get better and better.
I have to go soon.
The time goes by so quick.
Can we do it again? Come on then.
Me and Carl are going to this tomorrow, all the rage apparently.
It's these pills and you have them instead of food and the weight just drops off you.
I wanna lose a couple of pounds for the wedding.
Maybe you should come, Stell.
No, thanks.
No need, she got herself a personal trainer now.
Have you heard about this, Tan? Sean, his name is.
What? Sean Cole? No, not Sean Cole! And it's not Sean Mac.
And it's not Sean with the hat, neither.
Nor Sean crap shag.
Sean McGaskill.
Decorator fella.
Yeah, although he's actually from Barnsley, but that's by the by.
And he's only in his 20s, Tan.
Not much older than me.
Shut up, he's 32, mun! Still, hell of age gap mind, ain't it? Charming.
Hang a sprout good girl, King Kong Carl's 20 odd years older than you, so you can talk.
when it's the woman, isn't it? Like Catherine Zeta Jones and Kirk Douglas.
Michael Douglas.
What about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher? Come off it, mun, Stell.
You're hardly Demi Moore, are you? Not with them thighs.
My God.
My little girl.
She's so beautiful.
No, Nadine, my little girl, my moment.
Now park it.
Is it alright? Oh, presh.
You look absolutely I'm so proud of you.
"Black Horse and The Cherry Tree" - KT Tunstall Well my heart knows me better than I know myself So I'm gonna let it do all the talking I came across a place in the middle of nowhere With a big black horse and a cherry tree I felt a little fear upon my back He said "Don't look back just keep on walking" When the big black horse said, "Look this way" Said "Hey lady, will you marry me?" But I said no, no, no, no-no-no I said no, no you're not the one for me If we could go back like a thousand years or something, then we'd probably be related to wizards and stuff.
Tomato soup? Yeah.
Little Al? Yeah.
Where's Mam? She'll be back now in a minute.
Do you wanna see something? Yeah.
It's a letter from Luke's Dad.
He stuck it back together.
"Please, Luke, just say the word.
" "We have so much talk about.
" What is it? The word, like? Don't know.
Probably a code or something.
Hiya! How'd you get on? Not bad.
I'm going for a bath.
Alright, love.
Expensive day by the looks of things.
Yeah, Tanisha paid for most of it.
Oh, my feet.
Where's Ben? Upstairs, little Al's here.
Is he? Mam.
What? Oh, God, what is it? You haven't stolen nothing, have you? No, it's about Sunil.
Yeah, go on.
I saw him today with this girl.
You know this is mental, don't you? We're hardly incognito, Stell, we're in a bloody hearse.
Five more minutes.
Why don't we just ask him? It should've asked him today when I saw him.
So he kissed her, but not on the actual mouth? No! But they looked very you know, friendly, like.
You've gotta give him the benefit of the doubt.
Benefit of my ironing arm if I find out he's been shagging around.
That's it, Poirot, time is up.
I'm in need of a nightcap, or six - There he is! Get down! Get down! What are you doing, you idiot? Alright? Yeah.
What are you doing here? Just you know.
Do you want a lift? Yeah, cheers.
I was just off to see Em, actually.
Cool, never been one of these before.
I wish I hadn't said nothing now.
It's probably just his cousin or something.
Anyway, why are you defending him all of a sudden? Surprised you haven't hit him! Don't be mental.
He's only a kid.
He was man enough to make my daughter pregnant.
You sound like Nana Meg now.
I just don't want him hurting Emma, that's all.
Like my dad did to you, you mean? Bloody hell.
Where to did that come from? Luke? You know how you never talk about him? Only cos you never ask.
That's cos I don't want to upset you.
God, presh, I'm beyond that now, it was decades ago, mun.
You can ask me anything you like, I've always said that.
You don't look nothing like him.
Don't I? No.
I'm not the bloody milk man's, am I? Shut up.
And you know I really loved him, don't you? Yeah.
Like massively.
He only had to look at me sometimes and I don't know my breathing went all funny.
He shouldn't have left us though, should he? No.
But think of your consolation prize, you got Carl as a stepdad.
Mam, listen, I don't know how you're going to feel about this, but - Got that massage oil for Em? I'm gonna do her feet.
Second shelf down.
You get much revision done today then, Sunny? - Yeah, I did.
- Is this it? Yeah.
Don't use too much of it though.
Make you slippery as an eel.
Everything alright? You tell me.
Think so.
See that? Guilty as a sheep.
A sheep? Yeah, but don't you worry.
He won't pull the wool from under my eyes.
Cheers, butt.
Alright? Alright? Any news on Sunil and his mystery woman? No, but my mother's on the case.
I wish I hadn't told her now.
Alright, Alan? Luke, have you got any slid? What? It's a type of fish.
You mean sild.
Me nan used to eat it.
Aye, slid.
Never heard of it, mate.
Have a look by the tinned fish if you like, next to the cat food.
Right, see you tonight, will I? I've been invited for beans on toast.
That's all you want my mother for his her cooking.
No slid.
Sorry, Al.
No worries.
You OK? Yeah.
Yeah, speaking.
Well? I looked for you, I couldn't see you.
So how was it? Alright, I think.
Don't know.
Done it now anyway.
Biology next then? Yeah.
Oh, you're working ever so hard.
My clever little doctor husband.
Listen, I gotta get on.
I've only got today.
I know.
I miss you though.
I can't wait for them to be over so I can have you back.
I'll call you later, OK? OK.
"Sneaky Freak" - Imelda May I'm behind you I'm watching your back I'm gonna find you Look in every crack I know your passwords I cracked your codes I know you backwards I even search your clothes Cos I'm sneaky freak, Yes I'm sneaky freak Oh I'm a sneaky freak Cos I'm a creepy sneaky freak What you're up to cos I'm gonna find out his secret You'll never know it was me Cos I'm a sneaky freak Yes I'm a sneaky freak Watch out cause I'm a sneaky freak Oh I'm a sneaky freak Cos I'm a creepy sneaky freak Oh yeah yeah yeah I'm a sneaky freak Oh oh yeah yes I'm a sneaky freak Oh oh I'm a sneaky freak Yeah yes Cos I'm a creepy sneaky freak Oh I'm creepy Yeah I'm sneaky Oh freaky Oh! Hiya.
Come on in, don't be shy.
You're a bit early but I won't hold that against you.
Can I ask something? It's not hypnosis nor nothing? I think that's disgusting.
No, my love, it's all above board.
Come on in, find yourself a seat.
Excuse me.
Is this the diet group? I prefer not to call it a diet, bab.
I prefer to call it a lifestyle system.
Alright? Nancy Crock.
Live and Change.
Alan Williams.
Lollypop man.
Lollypop man, how lovely.
Come with me, bab.
I'll get you a nice seat down the front.
Talk starts in half an hour.
Don't worry, I don't bite.
Only when I'm hungry.
Just kidding.
My mam's not here.
No, she said for me to come over and wait.
Can't let you in, sorry.
Stranger danger.
Ben, I'm not a stranger.
No, but she didn't tell me you were coming so sorry Sean, I don't make the rules.
I tell you what, wait here a minute.
I'll try her on the mobile.
You're the boss.
Alright? Hello? Mam, is it OK to let Sean - What you doing? Why you talking funny? I'll tell you later.
Make Sean a cup of tea.
No, no, not like that.
I gotta go.
Yeah, yeah, like that.
I am so impressed.
I'm good, aren't I? Yes, you are.
Phew, it's so hot though.
Let's get some air in here.
Did your parents know? Yeah, it was their idea.
She teaches dancing for all the weddings.
She's been in Bollywood films and everything.
Oh, God, I feel such an idiot.
Don't worry.
I won't tell anyone.
Yes, you will.
Well, maybe after the wedding I will.
Gonna show us a bit then or what? No way! Oh, go on, mun! No! You'll have to wait.
I haven't even finished learning it yet.
She's very pretty mind, isn't she? Your dance teacher.
Is she? How do I know you're not making it up about the dance lessons? Cos if I haven't seen any actual evidence.
I can't do it here.
To say any dancing actually took place.
How do I know - OK, OK.
Right, it starts off with a bit about the heart beating, so it goes there's this.
Then this.
Then the classic Bollywood bit, and that's it.
That's all you're getting.
Do you know what? Emma is gonna be made up when she sees that.
I hope so I think.
It's basically all about how much the groom loves the bride.
And you really do love the bride, don't you? You know, when she walks into a room, Stell I literally can't stop myself from smiling.
I've tried it, loads of times.
It's a physical impossibility like.
So where did you get the burka? Paula.
Don't ask.
It could be you.
You can change.
Just like I did.
And I get - I get a bit emotional when I say it, because I never thought I'd be as happy as I am today and it's all thanks to Live and Change.
Change the way you live with Live and Change and live the life you came to live and change, a changing life with Live and Change.
Thank you very much.
That was stunning, wasn't it babes? No.
It was disgusting.
Absolute con.
Come on.
Don't rush off cos I've got a huge selection of products here to choose from.
Yes! I keep thinking about you shimmying up that drainpipe.
I didn't shimmy up nothing.
I climbed a ladder.
I'm going out for a bit, OK? Alright, love.
Can't tempt you to a game? No thanks.
Where you off? Nowhere, just pub.
You and me need to sit down at some point and talk about your party.
Yeah, maybe.
There's no maybe about it good boy, it's not every day my little Luke turns 25.
We're gonna celebrate in style.
Well, down The Legion anyway.
I've booked it now, so there's no pulling out.
I love you, Mam.
Hey, it's only The Legion, presh.
Nanna and Gumpa are paying for it.
See you later then.
See you, Sean.
Yeah, see you, mate.
You'll come, won't you, to The Legion? Have a little dance? I bet you're a dirty dancer.
Bugger off, you just wanna look at my cards.
I love how soft you are.
Mam! Can I have some toast? Yes! - Come down then! - Gentle and quiet My lovely lollipop man My lovely lollipop man Where do you think you're going, Mr Williams? Sorry.
It's not for me, all this pills and potions and whatnot.
Me neither, bab.
It's all a load of bollocks really.
I'm only doing it for a bit of extra cash.
I'll be off then.
Tell you what.
I've got my camper van round the back.
How about I heat us up a couple of pasties and you can tell me what's getting you down? No, thanks.
You won't get a better offer today, bab.
I know.
It's just little Alan, he's at home.
I gotta get back to him.
It's lovely to have company sometimes.
Isn't it? I'll get you some HP with that.
Go down a treat.
Colonel Mustard, in the conservatory, with the lead piping.
I thank you! Aw She's beat me.
You can't really play Cluedo properly with two, so it wouldn't have been that hard.
Oi! Off to see your dad, are you, Presh? Yeah.
See you! See you, mate! You know Ben wouldn't let me in earlier, don't you? Very well trained, my kids.
Like ninjas.
What's the earliest we could get away with going to bed? It's still light outside.
So? You're bloody unstoppable, you are.
"Cold Water" - Damien Rice I don't even know what to call you.
Hello, son.
I am your dad, Luke.
I can't do this.
Happy birthday! Alright? Hiya.
Oh, my God! Do you want to dance, Luke? If you're really sorry for what you did, if you want to sort it out, then tell them, face to face.