Stella (2012) s01e07 Episode Script

Episode Seven

Showing off.
I've got a boyfriend.
I don't bite.
Only when I'm hungry.
It's from your dad.
You don't look nothing like him.
Don't I? No.
I don't even know what to call you.
Hello, son.
You're a ging-er.
What? You've got ginger hair.
Ginger-ish, like.
What am I saying sorry for? You don't look nothing like me.
My mam told me you didn't.
Did she? Does she know I'm here, then? No.
I am your dad, Luke.
I never said you wasn't.
I can't do this.
What time is it? Half five.
What's wrong with you? Are you drunk? No.
I'm excited.
I've got to sort Luke's presents, and before I do that, I want sex one last time as a blonde.
Aww, babe this is all going today, isn't it? So, come on, MacAskill.
Get to it.
Next time you shag me, I'll be a brunette.
No, it was fine, actually.
Only by about half an hour.
That's fine, yeah.
Coffee, please.
Yeah, you'll have to get Gary to talk to them.
Erm, no, it's got to be 65 Milk, please.
Thank you.
I'm not sure yet.
A week, maybe.
OK, great.
Thanks, Al.
I just wanted to apologise for the plumbing work we're having done at the moment.
No problem.
Sugar, please.
No, I can do my own sugar Thank you, Beth Bethan! Sugar, please.
My receptionist tells me this is a bit of a homecoming for you.
Er, yeah.
Sort of.
Fucking hell! I thought it was you.
Rob Morgan, innit? Yeah.
I'm so sorry, Mr Morgan's having No, you're alright, butt.
Me and him go back years, isn't that right? Erm You don't flipping remember me, do you? Cheesy Rhys.
Or Greasy Rhys, some of the boys used to call me.
Or damp-arse, remember? Cos I was always pissing myself.
I can't hang around because I've got water squirting like a bastard cat.
Take this, and if you fancy a few pints one night, just give us a bell.
How long are you in town for, butt? I heard you gone Canada, like.
Er, yeah, well, I have.
I'm just visiting.
The boys will be made up to see you.
Dennis, Cluster, Leaky Bean and that.
Call me now, won't you? Cos I know where you are.
Mental, mun.
Mental! I have no idea who that was.
Mam, I'm gonna try.
He's only 25 once.
Happy birthday! Awesome.
Right, me first.
Me first.
Whose birthday is it? Shut up? Here you are.
Excited, I am.
What? Aww, it's good.
No jokes about doing time, like.
You can't afford this, mun.
She's been selling her body.
But everyone asked for a refund.
Oi! Do you like it? It's mint.
Thanks, Mam.
- Anyone want a tea? - Yes.
Me and Em's ordered you a T-shirt, but it hasn't come yet.
Here's a picture of it, like.
Oh, I like that.
And I got you this.
It's underarm.
It's not my sister, is it? Nah.
She thinks you're gonna get off with her tonight.
She's got this ridiculous outfit.
Have she? It's mental.
Bloody hell, what's in here? That is from Sean.
I thought you'd like to give it a go.
I've sorted you a few lessons down at Big Rae's Turning my boy into a thug now.
Cheers, Sean.
Nice One.
Pleasure, mate.
Shit, I'm late.
Right, I'll see you later.
Thanks for the stuff.
You're off your heads.
Hey, party starts at seven.
You going down Big Rae's this morning, then? Yeah, I thought I'd get an hour in.
Can you give me a lesson? Are you serious? Mam, you can't box.
Why not? Because I'm a woman, is it? That Katie Price do do it.
She do do it in a cage.
Jordan? No, Katie Price in year 12.
She's really good, apparently.
So, what do you say? What do you reckon, Ben? She's gonna kill you.
Whoa, Mam.
Coo-ee! There's a black pudding on my hot plate, and all.
Luke! Alright? Happy birthday.
What on earth have you done to your face? Dad! You look like a dirty clown.
Go and wash it off.
It's a really nice smell.
Justin Bieber wears it.
Does he? Will you give me a lift to school? Luke's not going that way, are you, Luke? No.
Right, I'll see you.
See you at the party.
Flaunting yourself like this.
You're getting more like your grandmother every day.
And who is this Justin boy? Another one on the list, no doubt.
You're unbelievable.
Aww, babe.
I read in Marie Clare that when you decorate your first home, you've gotta write nice things on the wall, then you get good carmen.
I wish we didn't have to wait till after the wedding to move in.
Well, I read somewhere, before you move into your new home, you have to have sex in all the rooms.
Otherwise, it's bad luck.
Better get on with it, then.
Right, finally got the colours that I wanted.
What on earth have you done? Where did this paint come from? Do you like it? Sean got it for us cheap, like.
No, I most certainly do not like it.
I got you these.
Blister for the walls, and cloudy dog for the woodwork.
Oh, nah, you're alright.
We'll stick with what we got.
It's minging, that is.
Really bland.
It's gonna be so mint, living over the shop, Tan.
Cos if we run out of anything, like bog roll or sausages and stuff, we can just nip down and take it, can't we? Thanks for that.
Don't mention it, bab.
Maybe you can return the favour.
What sort of favour? Ablutions.
I was hoping I could pop in later for a quick swill in your shower.
There's only so much a girl can do in a camper van sink.
Now, look at my feet.
Look where I've got them, and just do what I'm doing.
Big Rae, stop it, mun.
You're putting me off.
You sure you want to go ahead with this? Yeah, come on.
Get on with it.
Just show me the punching bit.
Elbows tucked in.
Big Rae, you've got a visitor.
Keep your balance.
Snap it out.
Elbows in.
Keep my balance.
Snap it out.
That's it.
Elbows in, keep my balance.
Oh, my God.
Joe, how you doing, mate? Alright, Sean? Long time.
Hang on a minute, that is Joe Calzaghe.
You can't say, "How you doing, mate?" to Joe Calzaghe.
He was on Strictly.
Joe Calzaghe, long-time disciple of Big Rae and undefeated super middleweight champion of the world.
Stella Morris, my girlfriend.
Alright? Hiya.
Stella's learning to box.
Is she now? Yeah.
So, it's bom, two, three, four, turn in.
Then bom, two, three, four, hands.
No! You're talking absolute rubbish now.
We're performing it tonight, and you don't even know the basics.
Hey! Hey, hey, you two! What's going on? He doesn't listen, Paul! We're doing it in less than ten hours, it'll be humiliating! Right, that is enough! If you can't play nicely, then you won't play at all.
It's Luke's party, remember.
It's not all about you.
I suggest you both take a breather, and start again in half an hour.
OK? I've got to get to Meg's.
We're moving the pie to the Legion.
Good luck.
I'll need it.
Chance of a lifetime, this, Stell.
Elbows in.
Elbows in, watch my balance, then snap it through.
Hey, Morris, bring it on.
Oh, God.
"Time now for those birthday requests.
" "To Cerys in Bargoed, the Big Five-O.
" "'Don't worry', says her husband, 'We're all clubbing together to get you botox.
'" "'No, seriously, we are.
'" "And happy 25th birthday to Luke Morris from Pontyberry.
" What? "'Can't wait to party tonight', says your mum.
" "Stella, Emma, Ben and all the family.
" "And especially for you, here's The Firm and 'Star Trekking', which was number one the week you were born.
" Come on.
That's it.
Elbows in.
That's it.
Tuck in, tuck in.
Go on, you've got him.
Come on, Stell! He's a pussycat.
Oh, shut up, Big Rae! Oh, my God.
Bloody hell, Stell! What you done? Need a hand? Yeah, we need police and an ambulance.
It's Joe Calzaghe.
I think she's killed him.
Oh, my God.
I hardly touched him.
That was quality, that was.
Your face.
Sorry, babe, I couldn't resist.
You bastard! Yeah, very funny.
I'm not falling for it twice, babes.
I might be twp, but I'm not that twp.
Sean? You don't have to wait.
The truck will be here now.
You inherited something from me, then? Where are you staying? The Belmont.
Not short of a few quid, then? Happy birthday, by the way.
What? How did you know it was my? I remember it every year.
I do think about you, Luke.
Every day.
Look, why are you still here? In Pontyberry, like.
What do you want? To get to know you, obviously.
I got you a card.
Can I give it you? Cheers.
You may as well have these, too.
That's last year's.
And the year before.
And the year before that.
I don't understand.
This came a few days after you were born.
I sent a card straight away.
It came straight back.
I sent one the year after, that came back too.
Why did you keep sending them? I don't know.
After twenty-odd, I started to get the message.
Then I got that letter from your brother.
Look, she never slagged you off or nothing.
She said you was kids, too young for what happened, like.
She wasn't.
But she didn't have much choice, did she? She's a bloody hero, my mother.
Make your mind up, woman.
We've moved it three times already.
But shouldn't it have a table of its own, Ken? So people don't get their hands on it.
Mam! It's a pie.
It's meant to be eaten.
Not if I've got anything to do with it.
Try by there.
Go on.
So, just the chorus for now? And two, three, four.
I am really, really sorry.
Babe, it's not your fault.
We shouldn't have wound you up.
Stell? Paula! Oh, my God! It's like a manky sex dungeon in here.
We had a bit of an accident.
Your mam said this was where I'd find you.
I thought she was joking.
She's doing my head in! And Dai's.
And your dad's.
It's not the pie, is it? She gets all defensive when she makes a big pie.
This one's gargantuan.
She was the same with the ruby wedding.
Do you remember? Like a dog with a T-bone steak.
I wish she wouldn't bother.
She stresses everyone out.
You seen who's over there? Alright? It's not, is it? Oh, God, Luke, see it from my side, will you? I was 17.
My parents decided.
There was no choice in the matter.
They didn't give me a choice.
Maybe they didn't! But what about when you were older? Why didn't you come back then? Why did you wait 25 years to come back and see us? The more time went by, the harder it got.
I don't feel good about it, you know.
What do you want me to do? I'll go and talk to Stella.
This is her now.
You can say sorry now.
Don't be so stupid! "Remember me? The bastard that abandoned you" Luke, please! Alright, Mam? "Sort of.
Where are you now?" Edge of the valleys.
The van broke down.
"Oh, my God, you alright, presh?" Yeah This fella stopped to help me.
"Oh, that's alright, then.
Hey, listen, guess what?" I went to Big Rae's with Sean cos I wanted to have a go at boxing.
I borrowed your new boxing gloves.
I haven't wrecked them or nothing.
The thing is, Joe Calzaghe was visiting.
"Cos he knows Big Rae and that.
" Whoa, did you just say Joe Calzaghe? "Yeah! He's by here now.
" "Hang on a sec.
" Joe, say happy birthday to my boy.
Luke, his name is.
25 today.
Happy birthday, Luke.
Mad, innit? Anyway, I knocked him out.
" "Well, at least I thought I knocked him out.
" You knocked out Joe Calzaghe? Well, yeah, except it was a joke, it was a trick, like.
So, cos I was annoyed with Sean, I hit him, and then I really did knock him out, and now he's seeing stars.
"Is he OK?" "Yeah.
It'll teach him to say women can't box, won't it?" "Anyway, how are you, lovely boy? I'm just checking in on you.
" "I'm going the hairdresser's in a bit.
" "I've done your new shirt for you, it's hanging up on the side.
" Cheers.
Look, I'll see you in a bit, Mam.
I better get on, like.
See ya.
Wouldn't wanna be ya.
" She sounds exactly the same.
This is gonna blow his brains out.
He's not gonna get with you, Jas.
He's 25.
So? A lot of men like a younger woman.
Shut up, Jas.
You're gross.
So, if we do the registry office bit on the Friday, that means we'll be technically married for a whole day before we actually get married, like.
Your brain works in mysterious ways, don't it, Mrs Chowdhry? Emma Chowdhry.
Oh, my God, that's quality, that is.
Or shall I double barrel it? Emma Chowdhry-Morris? Is that Luke? - Emma! - Oh.
Upstairs! You'll have to push me into this, and I'll have to do it lying down.
- Hiya.
- Hiya.
How's Sean? Oh, he's OK.
Just a bruise, like.
I think his ego's come off the worst, to be honest.
Listen, I'm going Merna's in a bit.
You sort everything at the registry office? Yeah.
All done.
June the 15th at midday.
Aww, there's exciting.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, Dad rang.
He's calling over with a present for Luke.
Why don't he bring it tonight? I don't know.
He said it's too big.
Oh, it's not another giant bear, is it? I think Nadine's got a job lot or something.
Alright? Is he in, the birthday boy? No, he's on his way home.
The van broke down.
I got him a present.
Yeah, listen, beaut, it's not another bear, is it? Only, thing is, I don't wanna be rude.
What do you think? It's mainly for Luke, it is, but I put you down on the insurance.
So you can drive her.
You bought him a car? Yeah, well, he's 25 and that now, isn't he? You bought him a car? And you need one for driving Ben and Emma and that, so it just made sense, really.
I know she's nothing fancy, like, but Hey! Happy birthday, mate.
He bought you a car.
I bought you a car.
Serious? You'll have to share it with your mam.
School runs and that.
You'll have them all after you in that, Luke.
Very swank.
Why have you done this? I'm not complaining or nothing, it's just I know, well, er I was thinking about it, and I was saying to Nadine, like you're like a son to me, really, aren't you? Aww.
I've known you since you were eight.
You're not the same to me as Ben and Emma, and you never will be, but Alright, Karl.
Don't spoil the moment now, innit? Thanks, Karl.
It means a lot, like.
No worries, mate.
So, gonna take it for a little spin then or what? Aww.
What you just done was really stunning, presh.
Almost makes me regret leaving you.
I thought I left you.
I just let you think you did.
Why is she using our shower, though? Is she a homeless? I don't know, Little Al, but if she offers you another pasty, say no.
Or else we'll never get rid.
Oh, that's better.
I feel like I've shed half a stone in dirt.
Now, which of you lovely boys is gonna make me a cuppa, whilst I sit down and do my feet? Actually, Nancy, we're going out tonight, and we've got to get ready.
Ooh, anywhere exciting? He's been in prison.
Oh, has he now? Give me half an hour, and I'll pop back to the van, and see if I've got something to wear.
A party.
Oh, how exciting.
I would, though.
Wouldn't you, Joe Calzaghe? Wouldn't think twice.
Shut up! You're both married, mun.
It don't count if they're famous.
Of course it does.
It's still another bloke, isn't it? My husband would be cocking relieved.
Dai knows if Fern Britton came on to him, or that Helena Bonham-Carter, I would be right there at the sidelines cheering him on.
Well, I think that's disgusting.
So do I.
Shut up, the pair of you.
Where's your sense of adventure? I know where yours is, good girl.
Save yourself now for tonight.
I'm gonna get trollied, I am.
Always do on a Friday.
Gives Karl something to look forward to.
It's only fair.
Hiya, babes, it's me.
Can you pick me up at five? No, 5:00.
When it's 5:00.
Love you.
Did Stella tell you we bought Luke a car? Yes! Yes, three times.
Right, Stell, I'm gonna rinse you down now, beaut.
And get you trimmed.
Let's put you over the sink, is it? Luke.
You want to make it alright, do you? You want to fix it, like? What? Come to the Legion tonight.
Come to my birthday party.
There's the address.
They'll all be there.
My mother, my nan, my gumpa, all of them.
If you're really sorry, if you really want to sort it out, tell them face to face.
I don't think that's the best way to handle all of this, do you? You're still a coward then? Fine.
I just think it's a stupid idea.
Fuck off back to Canada then, Rob.
You ready then, kid? Is it awful? Well Oh, my God.
Cocking hell, Stell! Yeah, nice.
It'll show the grey more, mind.
You know what I think? I think you look 16 again.
Give or take a few crow's feet.
Hiya, babes.
Alright? Blimey.
What happened to you? Do you like it? You look, erm, you know not as plain as usual, like.
It's quality, that is.
That hair.
Karl! Sorry.
You ready, beaut? He was flaring then, wasn't he? His nose was going.
I didn't like to say.
He always used to flare his nostrils when he got horny.
Nadine's lucky night, then.
Who's this mysterious brunette in my girlfriend's bedroom? You like? I love.
You're not putting that dress on, are you? Oh, no, you will like it.
It just looks better on.
No, I think it looks better off.
Come on, Nads.
I'm going as fast as I can.
It'll be chucking out by the time we get there.
This is your fault, this is.
Spouting all that stuff at Stella, saying she was pretty.
Calm down, mun.
There's only going to be one pretty woman in that hall tonight.
And that's your second wife, not your first! We're not married.
I'm alright if I don't move my head or breathe too much.
How you gonna go toilet? I'll just have to hang on, won't I? Oh, my God.
What's he got on? Little Al! Who did that to you? Dad's got a new girlfriend.
At least I think she's his girlfriend.
Hey, now come on, good girl.
Have a bit of dignity, isn't it? Oh, it's not for me, love.
It's for horse, mun.
Of course.
He's a bugger for cheese.
Goes bananas for a Dairylea triangle.
Nearly had my hand off once.
In bed.
My daughter been giving you a hard time, then? You could say that.
It was very funny, though, afterwards.
I'm not sure what it is you were doing for her, Sean boy.
In fact, I probably shouldn't wonder too much.
Whatever it is, I've not seen her this happy in years.
And that's a very pretty sight.
Yeah .
it is.
Alright? Oh, hiya, Al.
I like your hair.
Hello, I'm Stella.
I don't think we've met before.
Nancy Croc.
I'm Alan's friend.
Although, we are hoping it might become something more substantial, aren't we, bab? Are we? Yes.
We're taking it slowly.
Although, God knows, I find it a challenge to keep my hands off him.
The gorgeous brute! Now, where's that dancefloor? Cos this little lady wants to see the big man move.
Aww, that's nice, isn't it? I hope so.
Oh, my God.
Here he is.
Oh, my God.
Here he is.
For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow So say all of us So, what do you think? She's a go-er, isn't she? My mam? No.
The car, mun.
Got a bit of oomph, hasn't she? Yeah, she have.
Thanks again, Karl.
It's a pleasure, mate.
So, where did you go in it? Where to did you drive to? You know, just edge of the valleys and that.
Luke, go and talk to Jasminder, will you? She's doing my head in.
OK let me get a drink first.
You'll need one, mate.
I'll get them.
Two more, please, love.
Don't you think we've forked out enough for that bloody car? Lighten up, mun, Nadine.
Have a few breezers.
If you play your cards right, I'll shag you later in the back alley.
Alright? What do you think? Bit mental, innit? Yeah, well, I like to break the rules, Luke.
Know what I'm saying? Er, not exactly, no.
See you in a bit.
Do you want to dance la? Don't let him see me.
Don't let him see me! Oh, my God, I just want to die.
Look at everyone.
And my boy.
I'm so bloody happy.
Me too.
And you are lovely, you are.
You always say that.
Cos you are.
"Lovely, you are.
" "You're gorge," you say it all the time.
So? Why shouldn't I? You've never actually said I love you.
Oh God.
Have we reached that embarrassing moment when two people are going out and one has to dive in with "I love you," but they're both too scared to say it? I'm not scared.
I love you.
Are you gonna say it back and put me out of my misery? Yeah.
Go on, then.
Me too.
No, that's cheating.
Sean, I love you to bits.
You know I do.
No, without the "to bits" bit.
Three words.
I love you.
I don't believe it.
Fucking hell! Dai! What? - I can't hear you.
- I said, "I love you!" Hello, Stella.
It is you, isn't it? Yeah.
It's OK.
Lukey, I'm so sorry you had to find out this way I know who it is.
Sorry, I don't.
Who is it? Luke's father.
The boy who abandoned her Are you Rob Morgan? We've already met.
And we talked.
This afternoon, like, and last week.
Have you? Hey.
Do you want me to hit him for you, Stell? Cos I will.
I've wanted to since I was 17, like.
No, you're alright, Al.
Mam? I got a letter.
You wrote to him? No.
Who did then? I did.
What? I tried telling you.
And you, Gumpa.
But no-one would listen.
Why did you write to him? I wanted to fill in the family tree.
How did you even know where he lived? Gumpa told me.
What did you tell him for? I didn't.
I told him the company name.
Where'd he get the address? It thought it was for school.
The only person who'd listen to me was little Alan.
You knew about this, Little Al? A little bit.
Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me he'd sent a birthday card every bloody year since I was born? Because he didn't.
Yes, he did.
You sent them back.
No, I didn't.
Someone did.
I did.
What? Don't look at me like I've done something wrong.
It wasn't exactly right, love.
I suppose it was right, what he did, was it? Walking out on our daughter like that.
You must have had to pay excess postage, did you? I did that once.
Sent something back to my sister's friend in Port Talbot.
It was this silk scarf, it was.
She had to pay for the postage and a bit extra Can we just stop talking about bloody stamps for a minute? I'm trying to get my head around this.
We want some answers, good boy.
Thank you.
What gives you the right to waltz back in here after all these years? Mam.
Mam! Tonight of all nights.
Will you stop asking him questions that I'm supposed to be asking him? Oh, God, I need a fag.
It's all kicking off in there, isn't it, Stell? You alright, kid? Sorry.
I know I shouldn't laugh, but who'd have thought it? Rob bloody Morgan! He's aged well, mind, haven't he? You're not helping, Paula.
Do you want me to get him to leave? Yes.
I don't know.
You alright, presh? Yeah, I'm fine! Why does everybody keep asking me if I'm alright? Easy.
It's just I don't know.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
What's he come back for now, Paul? It's like seeing a dead person.
Right, I'm not having this.
Thank you.
It's not going very well, is it? I know you won't believe this, but I'm glad you came.
Really? Yeah.
It's made a big difference, like.
I didn't think it would.
Go and hit him, Ken.
What? You're head of the household.
Hit him? You sent him that photo.
And you gave Ben his address.
It's all down to you, really.
Nice-looking, isn't he? Sort of solid.
And a bit like he wouldn't stand for no nonsense in the bedroom.
I can't quite see what he saw in Stella, mind, can you? Go home, Nadine.
You're drunk.
Oh, look, someone's got in before you now.
Hi, mate.
I'm Sean.
Stella's boyfriend.
You probably know who I am.
Yeah, I do.
I know you're here for Luke, but Yeah, I invited him.
Was that a good idea? Really? It's not any of your business.
It's between me and my mother, this, and my father.
I'm sorry, but your timing's a bit shit.
It was my decision to come here.
I don't really care about that.
I only care about Stella.
And she's really upset, so I think it would be better if you went.
Look, Sean Hey.
He's right, Luke.
Where is she? I just want to see her, and then I'll go.
She's outside.
If you hurt her, I will kill you.
OK? Bit over the top, all this, isn't it, Rob? The situation's not ideal, no.
Then again, you always did love a drama.
Did I? So now that you've wrecked the whole evening, what do you actually want? Just to say sorry, really.
Mam, he's trying, alright.
Give him a break.
You know, for years I used to fantasise about him coming back.
I used to think we'd run into each other's arms, and he'd cry and say how sorry he was, and then we'd start again and live happily ever after, but you're standing there now, and What are you, 44 is it? I've got absolutely no feelings for you whatsoever.
Probably because I wasted them all on you 25 years ago.
Anyway, I'm sorry.
Yeah, that's what you said.
You want to get to know your son, do you? OK.
Luke, this is your dad.
Rob, this is your son.
You know that, don't you? Because you've been having secret little meetings behind my back.
Right, I'm not being funny, I know there's a family crisis going on, and you're having to confront the wreckage of your past, but me and Daddy have been rehearsing our duet for weeks.
And crisis or no crisis, what we want to know is, are we gonna sing it, or are we bloody not? You are gonna bloody sing it.
Welcome home.
I deserve it all, so No, you don't.
She's just pissed.
Don't you talk about your mother like that, good boy.
I used to think about you coming home and all, Rob.
What I'd do to you for hurting my little sister.
Yeah, I bet you did.
But we're middle-aged men now, aren't we? I don't know why, but it's actually good to see you.
Cheers, Dai.
I appreciate it.
Well, hello, Pontyberry! - Now, are we all having a good time? - Yeah! You're not really, are you, babe? Having a good time? Do you know what? If I didn't have you right now, I'd be an absolute mess.
But you have got me.
Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand Just like that river twisting through a dusty land And when she shines, she really shows you all she can Oh, Rio, Rio, dance across the Rio Grande I'll give you a stag do that you will never forget I'll take you places that will make your grandchildren's hair turn grey.
It's a stunning place we're going, Em.
Four stars, it is.
Was five.
But they turfed over the helipad.
What's he doing here? Can you believe Rob have gone on the stag? Where's my dad? Alan! Back-stabbing, glory boy bastard! Bloody hell, Suny, my mam's going mental.
Will you come and get me?