Stella (2012) s04e06 Episode Script

Series 4, Episode 6

Michael? Oh, my God, Mike! Get your bloody hands off him! Find yourself some other poor bloke to annoy, 'cause this one is mine and you are not having him.
Oh, but I have had him.
Michael, tell me she's lying.
Oh, God, I feel sick.
And then she smiles And my heart starts beating I go weak inside Na na na na na na Na na na Oh! Hello, Cheryl? Line disconnected.
Please contact your service provider.
Ugh, for God's sake.
Ugh! Ben, we're late! Get up.
Ugh.
Well, that is just perfect.
Ben, I've been cut off.
I need your mobile.
Did you want to borrow my phone? I'll manage, thanks.
Ben, get up! Sorry, it's just Ben left for college about half an hour ago.
Right.
- Brilliant.
- If you need any help with the bill No, thank you.
Oh! Taking up football.
Yes.
I need to use your phone, mine's been cut off - and Cheryl's been calling.
- You've been cut off? "Cut off," she's telling me! Oh, just when I thought you couldn't sink any lower.
Aunty Brenda, can I just have a minute please? Charging in here, like, "Whatchacallit" Shouting the odds, telling me you've been cut off! Well, you are bringing this family low, my girl, let me tell you.
Hi, Cheryl! It's Stella.
Morris.
Listen, I'm sorry I missed your call, but my car's broken down.
Anyway, I'll be there as soon as possible.
That's the thing with you cheatin', two-timing, slippery love rat cheats! That niece of mine is over there in tears, her phone cut off, not a penny to her name.
What are you doing? I'm taking Don Juan down a peg or two.
He have ruined you.
Look at you! - Dog raff, putting on weight - Aunty Brenda! - Puffy face.
- Just leave it! Well, that's the gratitude I get, is it? Well, I'll be back when my itemized bill comes in! I wasn't into youse, by the way.
Right.
Hello, Katie.
Good morning, sir.
Sister Spragg.
Ward round notes all up to date.
Oh, and a message for you from Dr Hebden on cardio.
"Honey, you old slag.
"Who you bringing to the vino bash tonight "'cause Lowther's looking for a spare.
" Thank you, Sister.
Was there anything else? No, sir.
Over and out.
Hmm.
Nadine, what are you doing? Well, I've gotta keep active, Big Al.
I'm doing football later.
But in the meantime, every step counts for the baby, like.
We have talked about this I'm a mother first, a woman second, and a waitress fifth.
By rights, you should be barred.
Yeah, sorry, erm I'll go.
Hold your horses, buddy boy.
Now, look.
Stella Morris is my friend.
My really good friend, in fact.
If she hurts, I hurt.
We're like that around here.
Alan, really, I don't need any lectures.
But the truth is, I like to think of you as my friend and all.
And that you're a twat.
But you're a nice twat.
So Cup of coffee and a little sausage roll, is it? And we'll say no more about it.
Thank you.
I thought I'd get some cash together, try and help her out.
Aye, worth a try.
I know she's skint at the mo.
I mean, I'd lend her some myself, but, er Business not picking up yet? No, we are losing money hand over fist.
I could take a look at your books for you, if it's any help.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
You are a lifesaver.
Hey, in that case, that one's on me, just go ahead.
Not fussy when you're stuffing your gob, are you? Them sausage rolls is all trotters and nostrils.
Nice.
I think we should all be vegans.
But then what do I know? Right.
Here we go.
The accounts.
I've been looking for that.
Carol, I am so sorry, but the car completely conked out and I didn't Save it, Pinocchio.
'Cause your nose is tickling my chin.
Twenty minutes late means - What, someone died? - Yeah.
Well, no, but they could've.
Now, you missed my debrief, so listen up.
You're all flying solo today.
Got a question? Answer it yourself.
Need help? Tough.
Don't know your angiograms from your enemas? Get out.
If you put one foot out the line, I'll be coming down on you like not one, not two, but seven ton of bricks.
I'll be performing spot checks.
Leaping out on you when you least expect it.
So stay sharp or die trying.
Oh, God.
Hey, did you bring your football kit? - What? No! - Oh! Oh, bollocks.
Morning.
- Hiya, all right? - Yes.
See you later.
Mrs Lloyd? Is anything Mrs Lloyd, can you hear me? It's fine.
She's just fainted.
Oh, my God.
Dan.
Hello, Celia.
What? You two know each other? - Stella, this is my ex-husband.
- I'm her ex-husband.
Oh! Is there somewhere I can put her down? Five candidates.
One crown.
Who's that? It's me.
That's my publicity photo.
Blimey, it's a bit out of date, isn't it? I won't lie.
This have been a long-held dream of mine for many a year.
I've been wanting to run for office since the three-day working week.
Looks like you were planning this from the year dot.
Have you been smoking the reefer, Dai Davies? 'Cause you do reek of paranoia.
Funny how it's all worked out perfectly for you.
Stop cutting your nose to spice your face.
We can be a team, you and me! Yanto, get down the printers, and have them make me up a load of posters.
I was thinking this kind of thing.
Mmm-hmm.
You'll need balloons and all.
And keyrings.
And a giant life-sized cut-out of your head.
And body, like.
That's the ticket! You've got it all mapped out, haven't you, Aunty Brenda? Hello.
Well, hello! Sorry, erm, I was actually just looking to sell my bike Never, that silky little Bonneville I've seen you on.
Yeah, I just need some quick cash.
I'll give you 1800 for it.
No chance! He'll give you a grand.
Take it or leave it, Steve McQueen.
Nice to see you smiling again.
Yeah, well, life's too short and all that.
Yes, life is short.
You could drop dead from an aneurysm right now.
Let's hope not.
Do you like fish? - Yes? - Sorry, I mean to eat.
Because, er, you should go for a meal.
We could go for a meal.
Or a drink.
Erm, okay, I'll spread the word.
Yeah, or, erm Don't.
It's the consultant's wine tasting tonight.
They'd never normally let someone like you in.
Nurses.
Especially a student nurse.
But I've got a plus one, so, er Oh.
Great.
But I was pressing two! Hiya! Aunty Brenda BBM'd me, told me your phone had been cut off! Great, why don't you just announce it on the news! I got you a sandwich.
I thought you might need a good meal in your belly, what with times being so hard.
I'm not Bo bloody Jangles.
It's just a mix-up with the direct debit.
Anyway.
I've just been thinking, you know I've been keeping on Daddy's sofa for the last couple of months.
And, well, no offence to Daddy, but he's up playing Xbox all night, - keeping me awake - Speed it up, presh.
Okay, so, how about I become your lodger? I'll pay rent, of course.
What? Oh, I dunno, Bobs.
Look, I can't think about that right now.
It's an amazing offer.
So, Pontyberry.
Seriously? That's the life of a locum.
You go where they send you.
How long you staying? I don't know.
A week, could be two.
I barely recognised you.
Oh, bloody charming.
Twenty years together and I'm just another face in the crowd, eh? You look so different.
Yeah, I shifted the beer gut and cleaned myself up.
It wasn't really the best look for a physio.
Besides, I felt like I owed it to our Liam.
You know, get off the booze and sort myself out.
Dan.
I'm glad you figured things out.
I'm really pleased for you.
But you should know, I've met someone else.
I'm happy.
Good.
You deserve it.
Oh, Nurse, general ward this way, is it? Yes, straight down there.
Cheers, babe.
Kids! Oh, God.
What's the matter? Erm, long story.
Look, I've got to go.
Listen, I've got a break later, why don't we grab some food? I can't.
I've got football.
Oh, you're playing again? Yeah, I'm the coach.
Pontyberry ladies.
Proper little local, aren't ya? Yeah, I am.
This is my home now, Dan.
I'll speak to you later, all right? Yeah, all right.
Which one of you two got backwash in my pop? No, I never! All right.
I'll speak to you later.
Ciao.
Hi, babes! Didn't know you worked here.
- Yeah.
- I need a word, I do.
I bring my niece and nephew to see my Nana Pat and I can't believe this, no one's been seeing to her.
Cockin' neglect, it is.
Gasping for a gob of tea, I am.
She had to make do with coffee.
- Right.
- Eh.
That costume do look lovely on you, mind.
Slims you down a bit, doesn't it? - Thought I'd better warn you - I've already seen her.
A vote for Aunty Brenda, it's just like voting for your auntie.
Hurry up, Dai Davies.
I know you've got little legs, but if a Chihuahua can run Go on.
Now's your chance.
Go on and speak to her.
Just play it cool.
Fine.
I will.
All right.
All right.
Where are you off to, Anne? Porthcawl.
Lilly's never been.
Oh, stunning, it is.
The sea's all twinkly.
Right? And luckily for Lilly, I've passed my driving test.
- So I can drive us.
- Whatever.
- Porthcawl's a dump.
- As if.
Right, come on.
Can we come? Thought it was a dump? Get in.
That wasn't cool.
You sure you're okay? Yeah, she'll be gone in a minute.
Anyway, forget her.
What's going on with Dan? - Did you know he was here? - No! It was a complete shock.
Turns out he's a new locum in physio.
Well, I thought you said he was a drunk.
Well, action man now, apparently.
What's Alan said? I've only just found out myself and I don't want to upset him! You know how sensitive he gets.
Yeah, but you don't want him finding out from someone else.
- Yippee! - Oi! Oi! Kentucky! You're doing my head in! Stella Morris, check Mrs Evans' BP.
- Oh, it's all right, I'll go - Speak up.
- It's all right, I'll - Speak up! I said, "I'll see to it.
" Oh, no.
Not on your Nellie, Braxton, I never asked you.
Now.
I know her over there have jigarooed with Stella's fella, but there's no room for personals in nursing.
Deal with it, Morris.
Poncho.
A vote for Aunty Brenda is just like voting for your auntie.
Vote for George the butcher.
Vote for George the butcher.
A bit late hitting the campaign trail, aren't you? I've been poking all morning.
First chance I've had to come up for air? Wait a minute.
Since when was you standing? Since now, that's when.
Look at you.
Buying voters off with your rancid meat.
That's low, even for you.
Quality lamb shanks, these.
Nothing rancid about 'em.
Lamb shanks is my favourite.
I'll shank you in a minute if you don't stop squeaking, Dai Davies.
I'm gonna have them eating out of my hands, literally.
You're crossing a line, good boy.
And I'm gonna make it my personal business to see you pop like one of your cheap sausages.
No, I told you I can't meet you now.
You'll just have to wait, won't you? The red ones.
Babe, I've gotta go.
Men, eh? You bastards killing me, you are! Nearly done, now.
Can you stop kicking, please? You pay your cocking taxes, then these nurses come and manhandle you like an old mop! Ow! - You're butchering me! - Christ, what are you doing to her? She's a little worked up, so Kentucky, stop kicking! Right you two, behave, and you, get off your phone and take responsibility for these children.
Er, you can't talk to me like that.
I'll talk to you exactly how I like, good girl.
This is a hospital, not a zoo.
My arm is black and cocking blue! Oh, I was only taking your blood pressure.
You're sick, you are.
Hurting her like that, she's an old lady.
I wasn't hurting her.
Just because you were jealous of me and Michael.
Right, listen to me, and I'll say it slowly so you understand.
I am not jealous of you.
I feel sorry for you.
You're pathetic.
I'm pathetic, am I? Can't get a man of your own, so you steal someone else's.
Nurse Morris! I'll take you to court talking to me like this.
Go for it.
Actually, I know a good lawyer.
- Nurse Morris, that's enough! - Then again, so do you! Know him intimately in fact! Yeah, that's it, walk away! Oh, just be grateful I'm walking, sweetheart.
My office! Oh! This is amazing.
See? I told you.
Stunning, isn't it? What are you doing? Er, just saying, erm Me and Ben used to come to this beach all the time when we were younger.
Tell 'em the story about the crab.
Oh, no, it's rubbish.
Oh, go on.
Okay.
Well, basically, me and my mum and all that was down here, I was seven, maybe eight.
Er, no, I was seven.
And I caught this crab in a little net.
A big crab, like massive.
And I took it to show my mum, and as I was showing her This is the best part.
it jumped up and bit me.
Come on, Lilly, let's head down.
You've got to up your game.
- Better? - Yeah, thanks.
Sorry about that.
I find, erm, wine helps.
Yeah, look, about this evening.
I'm sorry, but I can't go out with you.
I know I said I would, so it's my fault, but erm I just didn't realise it was a date.
And after what just happened now, - I don't think I can even show my - A date? No, no, no, no, of course not.
I meant, erm I just thought you might want cheering up.
As friends.
Oh, right.
It's fine, er I've got to work late now, so I was gonna have to cancel anyway.
Well, I should get on.
Yeah.
Hello? What's going on? Oh, don't mind the mess, just unpacking, I am.
Hang on! I was gonna think about you moving in, I never actually agreed.
You did, babe.
I know what I said, Bobs.
Oh, you're stressed, you are.
Do you want a Valium? It looks like a bomb's gone off.
Well, you've got to crack a few eggs to make an omelette, and they're not my words, they're Mary Berry's.
This is a good thing, I'll be paying rent and, well, helping you out with the bills.
Do you know what? Do what you like 'cause I don't care.
Oh, God.
You've come over all Sylvia Plath.
Bonjour, turn the gas off! Yeah, well I'm a rubbish nurse, a rubbish girlfriend, and I'm even rubbish at football because I forgot my sodding kit.
Anyway, how'd you get in here? Michael let me in through the curtain.
Oh, that bloody wall! Are you sure you don't want a Valium? Knock, knock.
Oh, enter at your peril! I heard you come in.
Just wanted to give you this.
I know you're struggling at the moment.
Unbelievable.
No, it's nothing, really.
What, you think I'm some sort of charity case now, do you? - No, it's for your phone.
- Payin' me off with your pity money? - Well, do you know what - It's not pity money.
I don't need it and I don't need you! End of.
All right? Hiya! Guys, this is Johnny.
Hello, lads.
Yeah, good man.
We just built a sand castle.
Massive, it was, with turrets and everything.
Er, no, we didn't! Er, just chillin', you know.
You surf? Er, a bit, yeah.
Er He doesn't.
We're gonna go get a burger if you fancy it.
Oh, no, there erm Looks like there might be some decent waves.
Could be epic.
But, er Text me or something, yeah? Safe.
Laters.
Laters.
Oh, my God, he's so fit! Are you serious? He looks gay! Ben, don't say that! It's not cool to use gay as a derogatory term.
All right, Mum.
- Oh, so immature.
- Ugh.
You are.
Oh, I'm immature? Funny that, seeing as I'm the one that drove us here.
So says a girl who can barely do a parallel park.
- Don't even know how you passed.
- Well, I did.
Maybe 'cause your mother's minted and she paid them off or something.
Oh, so says the boy who can't even tell Lilly that he fancies her.
What? Shut up, no I didn't! Why are you being such a cow for? Come on, Lilly, we're going.
Should we go looking for crabs? Welcome to the first practise of the Pontyberry ladies' football team.
Knock 'em dead, Dine! Bloody loves you, babe.
I have a pertinent question.
Where's all the men? Ladies' football team, it is, Parvadi.
A clue is in the title.
Gotta be joking! And you can keep your eyes off the father of my child, thank you very much! Now, we'll start off with a gentle warm-up, running through the cones and back, nice 'n easy.
Now move, move! Move! What are you lot cockin' doing, then? First practise, Pontyberry ladies', fancy joining? Hang on, can I use this for my community service, like? Don't see why not.
Hold the cock head, lads! And pick up the pace.
I told you to run, not stroll! She's so quiet normally! Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Look at your man Dale Winton.
We want to be back in the High Street, Aunty Brenda, where the action is.
School will be kicking out shortly.
This place will be crawling with not-so yummy mummies and their potential votes.
Talking of which Hiya, Rhian, love.
- All right? - All right, Bren? How's it going, Mr President? Tickety-boo.
I need a break, Aunty Brenda.
If we're going to compete with George the butcher's lamb shanks, we're going to have to work together.
- It's a fool's errand.
- Well.
You could always buy off George.
Get him to drop out of the race.
That's all you want me for, isn't it? My money.
If the press get a hold of this, they'll eat me alive.
Where's your backbone, Dai Davies? Ah! What's all this? You are looking at the next councillor of Pontyberry.
And it all starts here with hope and a dream and a what's-a-name.
Come on, Stella! Tell me about it after, is it? All right, presh? No! Bloody knackered, I am.
Come on, get those knees up! Up, up, up! There's nothing better than a cheap burger.
- Seriously.
- I thought you were a veggie? I am.
I just eat burgers.
Oh, yeah, right.
Lilly's just so deep, you know? - Like, intellectual, like.
- Yeah.
You know what I said is true, don't you? Ben does actually fancy you.
Well, he tried to talk to me at your party, but that's it.
He barely even looks at me.
I'm always smiling at her.
She brushed up against me at the canteen.
- And it was like, heat, you know? - Yeah.
Ah, so clueless though.
Bless him.
He's all right.
And there was like this crab and then it, like It bit me.
I just don't think you can call yourself a man until you've really loved a woman.
- Little Al? - Yeah.
I think I love her.
Just hit me with it.
Well, simply put, your outgoings are greater than your incomings.
Less of the jargon.
Speak English.
Just tell me how we fix it.
Well, one option might be to extend your opening hours.
The more people you serve, the more money you take.
Bloody hell, you're a genius, man.
You could start with a couple of nights a week, maybe a Friday and a Saturday.
You are blowing my mind, you are.
And I'd like you to blow it more.
But I gotta lock up, and get to the football.
Is that Stella's football? Yeah, it's only training and I thought I'd pop along.
Fancy it? No, she won't wanna see me.
Now, that's enough.
A woman likes a man who takes the bull by the horns.
You gotta persist.
Wear her down.
Keep chasing her till you get on her nerves so badly that she just gives in.
- Really? - Yeah, really.
Now, come with me.
And give her an orange.
Now that is a tasty bit of toast.
I'd butter that on both sides.
- And put jam on it.
- Eye on the ball, ladies.
My ball! Part the way! My ball, my ball, my ball.
Ow! Ah! Ah! Hey, ref! Did you see that? She bastard checked me! She didn't touch ya! You better sleep with one eye open, Wong.
Take a photo.
It will last longer.
Carry on.
I'll be back in a minute.
This is a nice surprise.
Well, wanted to show a bit of support, like.
I'm glad you popped down, actually, I wanted to chat to you about something.
Yeah? For half-time.
I know it's only training, but still.
- That's really sweet.
- Hold the line, caller.
Eh? Look at the back.
- When did you get these made? - I got the whole team done.
Aunty Brenda, your sponsor, stumped up the cash.
What do you think? They're amazing.
Thank you.
So, what do you want to say to me? Oh! It was Bennie Wong, for cock's sake! No means no, Aunty Brenda! Yes, I've got deep pockets.
Heaven knows I've got deep pockets.
- But not for this.
- You're nothing without me.
Really, is that so? Well, let's see about that 'cause I'm taking me and my deep pockets to George the butcher.
If you say deep pockets one more time I'm gonna knock you out.
Me and my deep pockets are out of here! I don't need your help, you little Judas! I'll win this on my own! Hang on, girls! - I'll kick it back, is it? - Thanks! Oh, my God! Somebody call an ambulance! It's all right! It's all right.
Okay, come on, Aunty Brenda.
- Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
- Yeah.
Ambulance, please.
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Learned your lesson yet? - Yes! - No, we don't need nothing off you! Hiya, Luke.
Can you come and get us in Mum's car? What? No, I'm coming.
I'll be there now! What's happened? It's my Aunty Brenda.
She've had a heart attack.
Oh, my God! Come on, get in, we'll drive you there.
- What hospital's she at? - St Catherine's.
- Is she all right? - I don't know! What happened? It'll be okay.
What's happened? It's my Aunty Brenda.
She collapsed in the park.
I think she's had a heart attack.
BP is through the floor.
I'll go with her.
Wait here.
I just feel like it's my fault.
It's no one's fault, man.
What if this is all we've got left of her? Probably not up to much, but Thanks.
What's happened? You okay? There was an accident at football.
Stella's aunty.
Yeah, worried sick, we are.
Alan Williams.
Dan Braxton, nice to meet you, mate.
Braxton.
Weird, that's Celia's surname.
Well, we were married for 20 years.
Oh, right.
Alan, this is This is Dan.
Hey? You all right? She's gonna be fine.
As well as can be expected.
Thank God for that.
But she needs a lot of rest.
Thank you, Doctor.
Don't thank me.
It was Stella who saved her life.
Can we see her? She's just come round, so she's a little confused.
But that should wear off fairly quickly.
This way.
Pie Jesu Pie Jesu Pie Have she gone twp? Aunty Brenda, you didn't half scare us.
Come closer, so I can see you.
There was a bright light.
Blinding.
And there was a figure there, beckoning me in.
Bobby Davro, it was.
Bobby Davro? Karly, is that you? Yeah.
Oh, Aunty Bren.
What are you doing to me? We brought you something.
Grapes.
Waste of money.
Absolutely no medicinal merit in a grape.
But enjoy all the same.
Aunty Brenda, I'm so sorry.
Dry them eyes, good boy.
Only God can judge you.
Take it from me, I've met him.
A handlebar moustache, he's got.
Right, everyone out, Aunty Brenda needs some sleep.
Yeah.
I love you.
I'll be back when you wake up, okay? Yeah.
You get some rest now, is it? All right, Aunty Brenda.
All Right, Dai Davies.
Look.
Whatever you need for this councillor thing, you only have to ask, all right? Anything.
However I can help, I will.
Aw, you grabby little squirrel, you've got cheese puff dust all over your hands! I'm a nervous eater, you know that, Aunty Brenda.
Well, go on, clear off now! I'm meant to be sleeping, not yakking with you! Nos da, Dai Davies bach.
Nos da, cariad.
I'll be in the car.
How is she? Batty as a brush, but she'll be fine.
I know.
She just updated her Facebook status.
You were incredible earlier on.
I wanted to tell you that.
And I need to apologise about the money.
I just thought if I sold the bike, - you could use the money - You sold the bike? But you loved it.
- Michael! - It's okay.
Mid-life crisis is over now.
Although I've still got a hankering for tattoos.
Right, well, better get Ben home.
S'long.
Yeah.
S'long.
You have to put it all in respective, don't ya? You are so bloody spiritual, Dine.
I know.
Hey, Celia! All okay now? Yeah, she's gonna be okay.
I'm sorry if I caused any trouble earlier.
I just assumed Alan would know about me.
He does know.
You didn't cause any trouble.
Dan! Please don't.
Look.
Take my number.
There's no harm in a coffee, is there? Please.
I've gotta go.
Oi! I called my nan.
The kids have been good as gold.
I'll go grab us a table.
Two half lagers, please.
All right.
With the misses, is it? Yeah.
Hell of a night we've had.
I've been meaning to say, about that money.
Whenever you're ready.
Cheers, but Movin' house and that, it's skinted me out, it have.
If you need another little lend, all you've got to do is ask.
Are you serious? - It would be a lifesaver.
- Hey, no worries.
Two hundred do you? Oh, that would be immense.
It's only if you're sure though.
And you're a mate, so I'll keep the interest low.
- You're late.
- Have you come alone? I'm no amateur.
So we have an agreement.
You drop out of the election.
I'm a man of my word, Dai Davies.
And this stays between me and you.
I've got some lovely lamb shanks left over for your tea, if you fancy them.
Bobby? Right, don't be cross.
What's going on? Ta-da! Bloody hell.
- Immense! - Who's done that? Well, me! Best bricklayer this side of Treorchy, I was in my day.
Like riding a bike, you never lose it.
And I've had a good go with your room and all, young man.
A what? I just thought, you know, you'd appreciate some privacy back.
Are you cross? - You're cross, aren't you? - No, I'm not cross.
- I can see it in your face.
- It's probably for the best.
I think so.
Mum, he's been in my room and set fire to all these smelly twigs.
Joss sticks they're called, babe, and I've done you a favour 'cause that pit stank to high Jehovah.
Don't get me started on that duvet.
Like a sheet of metal, it was.
Oh, shut up! We got a cocktail bar.
And the place is spotless.
Well, you know me.
As clean and svelte as a feline.
Now then, we're having a girly night in tonight.
I've got Beaches and Terms of Endearment on DVD.
- Right.
- Ooh! And I got you one of these.
I call it the Judy Garland 'cause it will pick you up and run you down the yellow brick road.
Thanks.
I've heard of these.
They're boring.
There's no way I'm watching these.
I'd love to have dinner with you.
I'll meet you there after my shift.
Hi.
- Hazel, is it? - You must be Luke.
Oh my God, are you a male prostitute! Right, I'm calling Celia.
- There's no point.
She's with Dan.
- Doing what? Running off together, for all I know.
Well, come on then.
Give me your best shot.
- Oh, for goodness sake.
- Don't say I didn't offer.