Stella (2012) s04e07 Episode Script

Series 4, Episode 7

I've been meaning to say, about that money.
If you need another little lend, all you've got to do is ask.
Two hundred do you? Dan Braxton, nice to meet you, mate.
Weird.
That's Celia's surname.
Well, we were married for 20 years.
And then she smiles And my heart starts beating I go weak inside Na na na na na na Na na na Stell, there's a woman loitering at the end of the street.
I've been watching her.
Weirdo.
You got too much time on your hands.
She's drinking vodka straight from the bottle.
Oh, my God, it can't be.
Stella, be careful, she's clearly a drunk.
Paula? Hiya, Stell.
Waiting for you to come home, I was.
Oh! And if the girls start playing kiss chase, you start running this time.
- See you.
- Cheerio.
Hey! And no kicking.
You don't call, you don't write.
We're starting to take it personally.
Well, I've been a bit tied up, like.
How'd you know where I live? I make it a habit of getting to know my clients.
Family included.
Shall we say, 400 today, the rest next week? The rest? Interest rates.
Mine triple after a week.
The thing is, I'm a bit short.
Next week, Luke.
Don't wind me up.
Eighteen months, Paul.
You could have told me you were coming.
I wanted to surprise you.
Yeah, well, you've done that all right.
And whereto is Dai? Why are you being so cagey about him? I'm not! It's just a last minute thing, that's all.
Look, I've come back to see Aunty Brenda.
I heard she had a heart attack and thought I should check in on her.
Here you are, Ben.
I haven't forgotten you.
What am I supposed to do with that? Use your imagination.
Oh, ignore him, he's in love.
- Shut up, Mum.
- In love? How old is he now, 12? Seventeen! Anyway, stop changing the subject.
You and me have been best friends since infants.
I know when you're hiding something.
All right, Sherlock.
Aunty Brenda said you were in a bad way 'cause of fellow-me-lad next door.
Yeah.
She was worried you were gonna do a Britney, shave your head Oh! I am not gonna shave my head.
Just as well, your face is too round.
Here he is.
Oh, is that the time? Glen and Marj's donkey have a fitting for a new summer coat at half past.
What's wrong with her? He's tamping 'cause you abandoned him a year ago and went swanning off to Tenerife.
What? Bobby's words, not mine.
Thank you, Ben.
Right, you are coming with me.
We've got a lot of catching up to do.
Oh, hello, again.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
I didn't introduce you properly before.
Um, Michael, this is Paula, my best friend in the whole world and she's also married to my brother.
And, um, Paula, this is Michael.
He's my next-door neighbour.
- Oh, the bloke who broke your heart? - Behave.
- I've heard a lot about you.
- Yeah? I've heard a lot about you too, good boy.
Ooh, while I remember, - I got some of your post.
- Oh.
A law magazine and a catalogue about stair lifts.
Oh, how strangely prophetic.
Right, better get on.
I'm helping Alan with the, uh, night cafe opening.
Oh, yeah, I'll be going to that tonight.
Will you? Okay, well, um, good to meet you, Paula.
Whatevs.
- Nice arse, mind.
- Oi! We're calling it "Alans' After Dark".
- What do you think? - About what? - The name for the late-night opening.
- Oh, I love it.
What did I just say? I'm sorry.
I was just thinking about something else.
It's all about branding, see.
Like Chelsea or that Millennium Dome.
It'd be great.
Is, um, is Dan still working up the hospital? What? I thought he might be leaving soon.
I dunno, Alan.
Why don't you ask him yourself? I'm gonna be late.
The meat's marinating and the veg is all chopped.
- See ya.
- So? So, while I'm at college, all you gotta do is get some customers in.
Don't worry, everything will be fine.
I've just been looking at the rota.
Says here I'm working tonight.
Yes, all hands to the pump.
Well, that's child labour, that is.
You're not a child, Nadine.
No, but my unborn baby is.
And we, for one, are not working no night shifts.
What do you think I am, a security guard? You can find someone else to run your sweater shop.
- But we need a waitress.
- So, get a new one.
I shouldn't be doing this.
That's right, an airship.
My face on one side, "voteauntybrenda" on the other.
How much? You just send the bill to Dai Davies.
You've got a visitor.
Aunty Bren! Well, look who the cat have dragged in.
The Scarlet Pumpernel herself.
- Three years - It's 18 months, actually.
Not a postcard, a phone call, heaven forfend, a crate of sangria at Christmas.
Hang on a sec, I thought you said Aunty Brenda called you.
Paula Kosh, next of kin, kind of.
So, how's she doing, Doctor? Every breath's a struggle, it is.
Knowing each one might be my last.
She can be discharged tomorrow.
She's got a low-fat diet to follow and a light exercise routine But, all in all, she's made a speedy recovery.
That's great news.
I should go.
Nurse Morris.
Mr Honey.
What? That doctor practically undressing you with his eyes, he was.
- Don't be daft.
- Stella.
All right, he asked me out last week, okay? - And you bit his hand off, I hope? - Uh, no.
Trust me, best way to get over your solicitor, get under a nice doctor.
Right, I am off to Daddy's house, face the music.
Before you go, get me the number of Al's cafe.
'Cause I ain't touching the food in here with a whatcha-call.
I've got a very important business meeting, now, Luke.
I may be some time.
- Aye, all right.
High-power negotiations, it is.
None to the word.
Hey, hey, whoa, whoa.
Don't even think about it, Keckers.
My cash not good enough for you? What cash? Signed up with an agency and everything.
- You, a model? - I'm a lady's companion.
- You what? - Women pay me to have dinner with them.
Keep them company, like.
Are you for real? I've got three grand burning a hole in my pocket.
Hey! How about I take you on a test drive? No, you're all right.
I'm looking for something a little more classy, like.
Iwan.
This is Karl, my executive assistant.
Pleasure to meet your acquaintance, bud.
Ah, I wonder if we're still in time for the early-bird special.
I think it's best we keep a clear head, don't you? So, I'm intrigued.
What exactly is it I can do for you? It's not what you can do for me, Dai.
It's what I can do for you.
Ah.
You all right? I don't know.
Since you turned up, I haven't stopped thinking of you.
See, I've put you out of my mind, you know.
I got used to not wondering where you were or what you were doing, and it was so much easier that way.
'Cause I see you now and I think of Liam.
You remind me.
We might have stayed together, you know.
Do you ever think about that? Of course I do.
Pleasure doing business with you, Iwan.
I'll have my solicitor get onto it straight away.
Remember this day, Karl.
A moment in history, this is.
- Why's that? - Because I, Dai Davies, have just pulled one over on one of Pontyberry's brightest businessmen.
So, you're a little short-staffed this evening, then? No, I'm a little no-staffed.
Nadine refuses to work nights.
Aunty Brenda have called with an order for meatballs.
Meatballs? Shouldn't she be watching what she eats? The woman's on her deathbed, Michael Jackson.
And there you are trying to deprive her of her last meal.
Disgusting, it is.
I'll take 'em up the hospital myself.
Might drop in and see Celia.
Everything okay? The ex-husband is still knocking about, the physio.
Just wanna keep an eye on him, is that it? He's bloody gorgeous, Michael.
- How am I meant to compete? - What? If I was Celia, I know who I'd go for.
- Who? - Well, you, of course.
I'd choose you.
Really? Yeah.
I'll get those meatballs.
What, so she just turned up out of the blue? Yep, like she'd never been away.
That's Paula Kosh for you, unpredictable to a tee.
You okay? - Yeah.
- Only, you're really quiet today.
Stella I'm getting the coffees in.
You ladies fancy one? - No, thanks.
- Go on, then.
I'll meet you there.
Cappuccino with cinnamon and chocolate.
Oh, my God.
- Are you two up to no good? - What? Shut up! God, imagine if Alan heard you talk like that.
All right, sorry.
You've got to admit, it is a bit odd.
We're just two old friends catching up, that's all.
- Hello? - Hello, it's, uh, Luke Morgan.
Come in.
Tell me, Luke, would you say you're well-versed in current affairs? - The arts? - Huh? Because we're not just talking cosy dinners, here.
Only last night, one of my clients was looking for someone to accompany her to Tosca.
Oh, is that the new place by the ring road? - Take off your shirt.
- You what? Well, if you're gonna insist on cracking such awful jokes, the least you can do is look pretty.
So, what do I have to do on these dates, like? You smile.
You make them feel like they're the only woman in the room.
I'm not gonna sleep with them.
What do you think this is, some kind of knocking shop? Sorry, I shouldn't have come here.
The clients pay £80 an hour.
- Eighty? - That's right.
Now, smarten yourself up.
Got your first job, tonight.
I thought it would be nice to have them all together in one album.
I was gonna give it to you earlier.
This is lovely.
Celia, my contract ends tomorrow.
- Right.
- And I want you to come back with me.
- To Cumbria.
- Dan - What are you talking about? - Look, I know it sounds insane, but life's too short, and I honestly think that me and you We gave up too soon.
I think you feel the same way, but you're just too scared to say it.
You two mincing off? Oh, Alan.
Just visiting Aunty Brenda, I am.
Right.
Dan found some old photos of Liam.
- Did he? Right.
- I should be getting back.
What's that smell? Uh, it's meatballs.
Worried you might get hungry or something? - Hiya.
- All right? Would you bath him while I get the tea on? Oh, I've only come home to get changed.
Why, where're you going? I said I'd meet Yanto for a pint, women trouble.
Oh, okay.
I was hoping we could have a bit of dinner and a chat.
What's wrong? We got another letter from the bank today.
- I'm sorting it.
- How? - I've got some money coming in later.
- You only got paid last week.
An old mate of mine owes me a bit of cash, like, so it'll be fine.
Right, Al, it's ready.
We got spinach, cabbage, celery.
It's all gotta be green, see.
I couldn't find no broccoli, so I used mint choc chip instead.
And this is all I can have? No food, no buns, no nothing.
Ugh! Mmm.
My Karl does swear by it, he do.
That's why I've got the body of a Greek goddess.
And I've sorted you some cover for this evening.
So, don't say I don't take no responsibility for nothing.
Oh, dear me.
Stell.
What are you doing back here? I thought you were going to see Daddy.
Wasn't in.
I've just been talking to my new BFF, Jeffrey Honey, - about Alan's thing tonight.
- Is his name Jeffrey? - He doesn't look like a Jeffrey.
- And he said he'd love to go along.
- So? - With you, Stell! You gonna ask him then, or what? No! God.
What is wrong with you? Just think about all the hours of fun you are going to have - playing doctors and nurses.
- We are doctors and nurses.
Not to mention prescription drugs on tap.
Mr Honey, I am so sorry about my ex-best friend.
No, no, please, don't apologise.
I'd love to have dinner with you.
I'll meet you there after my shift.
That was exciting.
Please leave.
Have you ever waitressed before? I delivered a foal once.
Had to use Glen's best braces to yank him out.
- What about you? - God, no.
So, let me get this right.
I get to drink as much as I want for free? This is, like, the best job ever.
Just set the tables, will you? All right? Listen, love, we're fully staffed now.
So, why don't you get home, have an early night? - Lf you're sure.
- Yeah.
I'm a bit out of sorts.
Thank you.
How was Dan, today? Fine.
Well, you saw him yourself, didn't you? Of course, of course.
Alan Have you done anything different? It's just you look a bit What, slimmer? No, strange.
You're standing oddly.
- Have you got a cramp? - No.
No.
See you later.
Ow! For God's sake.
- Dad? - Hiya, Katie.
Wow, I've seen it all, now.
You ironing.
Well, I need it for tonight, Alan's late-opening thing.
I thought we could try it out.
And, uh, is Stella going, by any chance? Um, she said she might pop along.
Is that the best you can do? "Can I tk u ot on a d8?" Sent.
- Please tell me you're joking.
- What's all the shouting about? Aunty Paula have only gone and ruined my life.
Yeah, well, get used to it if I was you, presh.
She've set me up with my boss.
- Oi! - In case conversation dries up, at least, he's got something to look at.
I feel like I'm back in school.
What am I doing? Now, you listen to me, young lady.
You deserve a man who is going to worship the ground that you walk on.
All right? So, you get out there and you show him what us Pontyberry girls are made of.
I've missed you.
- Hi.
- Hazel, is it? You must be Luke.
Come on, then.
Jump in.
Where're we going then? I thought this looked fun.
No way, I can't do it.
- Do what? - People know me in there.
The owner's my mum's friend.
Ah.
Well, I suppose, I could call Carley.
All right.
But we say you're a business client.
Ooh, role-play, how exciting.
Welcome to Alans' After Dark, here to service your every need.
Evening, Al.
Just here with a client of Dai's, I am.
She's interested in a fleet of taxis, she is.
We've made a booking under the name of Hazel Miller.
Excellent, excellent.
Got a table in the corner? Follow me.
Thank you.
I'll send Marjorie over with the menu.
Fine, I'll do it myself.
Sorry.
This is all new to me.
Don't worry, I'll go gentle with you.
Oh, Al! Any chance of some red sauce? Yeah, I'll be with you in a sec.
Glen? Have you brought your own food? Aye, cheaper that way, see.
Table for two please, Al, if it's not too much trouble.
How about by the window? Luke? Oh, here we go.
Mum, this is Hazel, she's a client of Dai's, she is.
Hello.
Luke has been running me through his rather impressive portfolio.
- Have he? - Yeah.
If you don't mind, Mum, we've got contracts to discuss.
That's all right, I won't cramp your style.
You just make sure Dai Davies picks up the bill.
Oh, don't worry, it's on me.
Nurse Morris.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I had a ruptured spleen.
Ah, just over there.
Right.
I expect you do this all the time, do you? Wining and dining nurses? You're the first, actually.
Oh, prefer them a bit higher up the food chain, do you? No, I mean, you're the first person I've been out with since my wife died.
Oh.
So, what is it you do then, when you're not saving lives? Tapeworms, mainly, or intestinal parasites, fascinating creatures.
You lost something? Um, if you could be any animal on the planet, which would you be and why? Al, are you okay? Yeah, it's an old lollipop injury.
It's just your face seems a little - Flushed.
Yeah.
- Puce.
Table for two, please.
Just sit wherever you want.
- It's really busy.
- Yeah.
Oh, what a nice surprise.
Why? I told you I was coming this morning.
You look nice.
Doesn't she, Dad? - Absolutely.
- Thanks.
Do you wanna join us? Uh, I can't.
It's just It's not what you think.
Well, actually, it probably is what you think.
I'm just gonna get a menu.
Don't let us keep you.
Shall we? Are you ready to order? Could you tell us what the specials are, please? That's right.
You've got 'em written down, presh.
- What's that, then? - The specials.
I'll just go and find out for you.
Oh, Marj? Are you ready to order? You were going to find out about the specials for us.
That's right.
You let me know when you've made up your mind.
If you could be any character from literature, who would it be and why? Where'd that come from? What are you doing down there? - Oh, my God, is that - Prompt cards.
I was just about to move onto Impressionist painters.
Oh, who are we trying to kid? I don't think I'm ready for this, either.
Sorry, I'm just a little out of practise.
Look, I'll tell you what, let's just forget about being on a date and enjoy the food.
If we ever get to eat.
I got orders mounting up here.
Couldn't Celia come and help? Order for table five.
- There's nothing on it.
- Don't worry, it's all up here.
Fancy dessert? Actually, it's getting a bit late, do you mind if we skip it? Of course not.
Let's make up for it next time, though.
Ooh, before I forget.
This is for you.
Oh, thanks.
Trust me, the pleasure's been all mine.
I remember the first date I ever went on.
It was at the science museum.
I got so nervous I went and hid in the gents'.
- And then I got locked in.
- Hmm! How long were you in there for? Um, 14 hours.
Oh, bless.
How old were you? Twenty-seven.
He's quite handsome, I suppose.
Oh, thanks, Katie.
I can always rely on you to boost my flagging self-esteem.
What do you expect? You got yourself into this mess.
- Which is why I intend to sort it.
- How? By sitting here while Stella goes on a date with another man? Nice one, Dad.
- Is it me or is it hot in here? - It's a kitchen, what do you expect? Marj, I can't read a word this says.
Brown loaf, washing powder, three dozen sugar lumps Oh, it's my shopping list! Lobster Thermidor for table six.
Lobster Thermidor's not on the menu.
Now he tells me.
Look at all these plates just sitting here.
I can't work in these conditions.
Steak, medium-rare, table four.
You want a job done properly Marj.
I haven't had this much fun in ages.
I can't breathe.
- You look purple.
- Puce.
- Get me scissors.
- Oh.
Sorry, Al, but we're still waiting on our What are you wearing? Thought I heard you go out.
Fancied a walk.
Don't smoke no more.
Well, you've changed.
Do you remember the first time we bunked off school and come up here? During a sponsored run? Yeah, you nicked a bottle of Cinzano from your mum's cabinet and I passed out under that bush over there.
So, go on then, how was last night? Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy.
He's just Not Michael.
You and Dai don't know how lucky you are.
Still together after all these years.
Mmm.
What? - Paula? - We had a fight.
- Oh! - That's why I came back here.
I didn't have nowhere else to go.
I knew there was something.
What was it about this time? Do you know, I can't even remember.
You two are always rowing.
Don't mean you're not mad about each other.
Yeah.
Look, do you want to help me blow up some balloons for Aunty Brenda's welcome home party? No, you're all right.
Gonna stay up here for a bit.
I give it two weeks before you and Dai are ripping each other's clothes off again.
Come on, Joe, come on.
It have been a real eye-opener for me, this have.
Watching you all slavin' away, and to what end? So that good men, like me, get to fight on for another day.
Well, let me tell you something now.
You lot are the beating heart of this valley and I, for one, am gonna make sure health is top of my agenda.
Remember, a vote for Aunty Brenda is a vote for life.
And I'll see you later, kid.
Looking forward to it.
Get me out of this stinking cesspit.
Is Iwan about? I have something for him.
He's been and gone, mate.
Got any tips for the 1:00? According to this, your expenditure last night outweighs your gross by almost 20%.
- Well, that's something.
- That means you lost money, Alan.
Do you mind if I shoot off? No, of course.
Alan, you may as well know, I'm meeting Dan for a drink, before he heads off.
I just didn't want you to think I was going behind your back.
- Everything's okay, is it, Cel? - No.
But it will be.
Here I am, a walking medical miracle and not so much as a brass band to welcome me home.
Shaming, it is.
Sorry I'm late.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Have a seat, kid.
Oh, don't tell me, Aunty Brenda invited you, and all.
What? No, I'm meeting Celia.
She's probably in the back.
Hey, Dan? Her and Alan, they're doing all right, you know.
And Alan's an old friend of mine.
We sort of look out for each other.
I really wouldn't want to see him get hurt.
Sure.
Well, at the end of the day, Celia is a grown-up, isn't she? Stella! Get this man a sausage on a stick.
I gotta shake your hand, bud.
Saved Aunty Brenda's life, you did.
Hmm, like last year.
Well, I think you'll find Nurse Morris also played an integral part in your recovery.
Every time I take a breath - Oh, hiya.
- Sorry.
Hope I'm not interrupting.
Um, I just wanted to bring these flowers for the patient.
Thank you.
- How did you know where to find us? - I invited him.
Oh, right, well, um, have a seat.
Seriously, what is your problem that you have to keep sticking your nose in everywhere? Shut up.
You love it.
Have you seen the man? What does Celia want with a pantomime horse when she's got a stallion in the stable? Right, I'm calling Celia.
There's no point.
She's with Dan.
- Doing what? - Running off together, for all I know.
- You need to go after her.
- It's too late.
Win Price tried to woo me once with his pickled eggs, went on for months it did, every time I went in that chip shop.
I couldn't take it anymore, so I had to come clean to Karl, I did.
- What'd he do? - Fuming, he was.
Fists all clenched, sweat dripping from his brow.
My big beast.
I can do this.
I can do this.
Stella's right, Alan is a nice bloke.
But it's not like you're married, is it? I mean, you've only known him five minutes.
And it's kinder to do this now than drag the whole thing out.
Always did make assumptions, didn't you? What? Coming here, assuming I'd drop everything and leap into your arms.
Just like you assumed I'd bounce back after Liam and keep looking after you.
What? And you assumed I'd put up with your drinking and shouting - Why are you bringing all this up? and endless self-pity 'till you were ready to sort yourself out.
I did sort myself out.
- I stopped drinking.
- All about you, wasn't it, Dan? That's the whole point.
I'm not the same person, I've changed.
- Things have changed.
- You're right about that.
Things have changed.
It's been really lovely to see you again, Dan.
I mean that.
But it's made me realise I don't wanna see you again.
I have a good man in Alan, he really loves me.
- And my life's with him now.
- Celia Don't do this.
I came looking for you, didn't I? But you came two years too late, love.
- I think you're making a mistake.
- I know that I'm not.
Look after yourself, Dan.
- Please don't leave me, Celia.
- What? - I haven't eaten since yesterday.
- Alan, what are you talking about? I may not have a six-pack, but I got a big heart.
And a cafe.
You got it all wrong.
Yeah, and so did I.
Good luck.
I'll tell you what's worthy of my constituents, self-service checkouts.
- Hiya.
- Hiya.
- All right? - Want a drink? I'll have a lager, please.
My Luke's looking tired.
Too many nights out, wining and dining your clients, is it? What clients? Uh, Hazel something.
They were at the cafe, last night.
I don't know Hazel.
Knew a Horace once, tall as a tree, and twice the shading.
I hear you live mostly on the continent.
Tenerife, yeah.
I know once sentence in Spanish, uh, Una patatas fritas, por favor.
Bag of chips, please.
It's impressive.
So, you're not a man of many tongues, I take it.
No, just one tongue.
Um, can I get you a drink? Go on then, surprise me.
- It's not what you're thinking.
- Really? - I only done it once.
- Done what? That woman, Hazel I got paid to take her out.
Okay? She paid you? - Yeah, she did - Oh, my God, are you a male prostitute? What? Don't talk soft! I just kept her company, that's all.
It pays well, and we need the money.
So, ask me for help.
Well, you're not exactly rolling in it yourself.
Right, well, I'll get another job, two, whatever it takes, just Promise me you'll give it up.
It's a lot of money, Mum.
Promise me, Luke.
All right.
Enjoying yourself? I am, as it happens.
You're practically one of the family.
Everyone's been, uh, very welcoming.
She's quite a woman, isn't she? And from what I gather, she could teach me a thing or two.
- I beg your pardon? - Um You leave Pontyberry without so much as a finger buffet at the club.
Not a thought for me and Daddy, up to our eyes in debt.
And then you have the audacity to waltz back into town like Liza Minnelli on a comeback tour.
Where were you when we When I needed you, hmm? Oh, God, I missed you.
- I missed you too, bloody idiot.
- Oh! It's been hell here without you.
This town might as well carry a label saying "100% polyester".
I lost him, Bobs.
Who now? Dai, man, who do you think? We're getting divorced.
- Yeah? - I think, perhaps, I'll leave you to it.
Don't walk away from me, Honey.
Will you two just pack it in? I think we should just settle this the old-fashioned way.
- Don't you? - What are you doing? Who'd have thought it? Two grown men fighting over Stella Morris.
Well, come on then! - Give me your best shot.
- Oh, for goodness sake.
Don't say I didn't offer.
- I think I've broken my hand.
- Is there a doctor in the house? What? Wiggle your fingers for me.
You're fine.
Mum, it's Lily! She said yes to a date.
What was it about, anyway? You, mainly.
- Michael - I know, it's none of my business.
Me and Mr Honey, we're just friends.
Hey, did you know his first name is Jeffrey? - He doesn't look like a Jeffrey.
- That's what I thought.
Can we go home now? - You okay? - No.
I haven't been this upset since the 31 st of May, 1998.
Why, what happened? Geri left the Spice Girls.
No, not then.
Now? Not that I'm surprised.
They always did have a very volatile relationship.
- Are we still on the Spice Girls? - Paula and Dai! Getting divorced.
She told me it was just a row.
Where is she? - Has Dan gone? - Yeah.
And everything's all right with you and Al? Not quite.
But it might be.
Alan? - You all right? - No.
What is it? What's happened? Alan Williams I've had to write it down, I'm that nervous.
From the first day I met you, you have consistently made me smile.
I feel safe and happy whenever I'm next to you.
And even when I'm not next to you, I feel safe and happy because I know how much you love me, and how much I love you.
Apart from my boy Liam, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
So, I want to know if you will do me the honour of becoming my wife Husband! I mean "husband".
Will you marry me, Alan? Christ, yes.
To Alan and Celia! To Alan and Celia! I've got no job, no house, no husband, and no idea what to do with myself.
Well, we're thinking of a fancy dress theme.
Well, you know what they say about second weddings, they do always end in divorce.
You know, for a nurse, you have terrible bedside manner.