Stella (2012) s04e09 Episode Script

Series 4, Episode 9

We have been chatting about our wedding and we'd really love it if You would do me the honour of being maid of honour.
- And best man.
Michael, not you.
- Really? Guys, this is Jonny.
We're gonna go get a burger, if you fancy it? Hazel said you were "endearing".
She wants to book you again, escort her to an art gallery, apparently.
No, I'm done with all that.
You're looking pleased with yourself.
- I've just applied for a job.
- Oh! About time! Oi! Joking.
What's brought this on? Oh, I don't know.
I feel like I'm finally getting back on track.
Anyhow, it's early days.
Might not even get an interview.
Now, I hope you're hungry, because I have made you my special pancakes with salted caramel sauce.
You are officially the best father in the world.
- Mam! You burnt the toast! - Yet again.
Has anyone seen a book on fungal infections? No, but do give me a lend when you find it.
It's actually very interesting and I've got an exam today, so thanks for caring.
I'm meant to be doing this.
Will you test me? Sorry, presh, I gotta get up the hospital.
Fine.
I'll probably see you in there, when I've crashed my car 'cause I didn't learn the Highway Code properly.
Right! Give it here.
What does a sign with an old person on mean? - Watch out for old people.
Obviously.
- Brilliant.
You passed.
Watch you don't burn the toast.
I'd have been better off being raised by wolves! So long.
Security I am, Stell.
It's Aunty Brenda's first surgery as a councillor.
Right.
And I been waitin' nearly 25 cockin' minutes to tell her about the fly-tipping round ours.
cockin' alley.
Husband's tampin'.
- Hey, Stell, can I have a word? - What? You'll have to come here.
I can't leave my post, can I? Hurry up, man, Karl.
What it is, er Me and Dine are at the antenatal thing this arvo, ah.
Class thing with the midwife.
And I was wonderin' You know when Ben was born, did you ever tell anyone about what happened? No! God, no! That was a very private and personal moment.
Not that you'd remember none of it, Karl, 'cause you fainted - spark cockin' out, didn't you? - Eh? And then you bastard wet youself.
Oh, yeah, maybe I did mention it.
Sorry.
Anyway, gotta dash.
See you later then, darling.
- Morning! - Hi, Stell.
- Hi.
- Er, actually, Dad, I am staying at Lily's tonight, remember? Is that okay? But I was gonna do curry.
I know, but Oh, look, I'll cancel if you like.
No-no, it's okay, you have fun.
Give me a call me later though, yeah? Sure.
Brilliant pancakes, by the way.
You made your child pancakes for breakfast? - Er yeah.
- Oh! I am such a crap mother.
Good luck with your exam.
Thanks.
Oh, and you'll pop over later? Catch up on things for the hen and stag? Absolutely.
I'm getting rather good at this best man malarkey! You know that £200 your mam gave you? Well, it haven't showed up on the statement.
You did pay it in, didn't you? What? Ah, no, um I meant to tell you, - but I didn't in the end.
- Luke! I just thought, 'cause it's cash, like, better to keep it handy.
- But we're overdrawn.
- Yeah, right, okay.
So where is it? I've left it in work.
In my desk.
I'll pop over the bank this morning, okay? Okay.
You will do it, won't you? 'Cause if we leave it Zo.
Ease off, yeah? _ - Yeah, I gotta drop a car there in a bit.
- Who's Carley? Christ! She's the woman buying the car! What's the matter with you?! Sorry.
I'm late.
Who's next, Karl? Mr Dai Davies.
All right, Aunty Brenda, here's the thing.
Seeing as I scratched your back when you were running for council, I'd say it was time for you to scratch mine.
I ain't scratchin' nothin'.
What d'you think I am, a cat? Now, as you know, I've been wanting to expand the car lot.
But in order to do so, I need planning permission.
Take a look at this.
How dare you! You promised a woman who was staring into the very jaws of death any help that she needed and all along, you were plotting ways to get your empire of evil off the ground! Well, I'll be no prawn in your power play.
I thought we had a deal.
Karl, get him gone.
Sorry, Dai, but I gotta do what the boss says, see.
My hands are tied.
Don't worry, Karl, I'm goin'.
The stench of disloyalty in this room is suffocating me.
Ha! All the best, buddy.
See you soon.
Hello, stranger! All right.
I got some money I wanna pay you.
Excellent! That's only 200.
- I know, but I'm working on the rest - I don't take instalments.
Sorry.
Oh, come on, man, give me a break! You've got till midnight tomorrow.
Oh, and the interest doubles on late payments.
What? A man's got to make a living, Luke.
I said, put down your pens.
- Stella Morris, that means you.
- If I could just have one more Pen on the desk and step away from the paper.
Do not make me use an approved level of force, for I am at total liberty to do so.
Well, I've completely failed that.
What a disaster.
- It was a killer, wasn't it? - Yep.
Still, life goes on.
And this time tomorrow, you and me and our little gang of hens will be Ha! Don't think I'll get caught out that easily! - Oh, where are we going? Give us a clue.
- It's a surprise! But I'll tell you one thing, you're going to love it! Zo? What's the matter, presh? Something's up with Luke and I don't know what it is.
Place your bets, please.
Last bets.
It's like he's a different person, Stell.
I mean, we've always said we'd tell each other everything, like, but he's keeping something from me and I daren't ask him what it is, - 'cause I'm afraid of the answer.
- Zoe - What if he's having an affair? - He's not having an affair.
This morning he got this text from some woman - Hazel - Carley.
- Who the fuck's Hazel? - Who's Carley? ! What, I thought her name was Hazel? Oh, my God, he is having an affair! What? No.
No! He just .
.
keeps them company.
- And gets paid to do it.
- What? He's joined this agency.
A male escort agency.
- 640, 660 and that's 680, okay? - Thank you.
Place your bets, please.
Place your bets, please.
Give me 600.
Last bets.
_ He's not answering.
Well, he's probably just busy at the car lot.
I'm really sorry I didn't tell you.
I just thought it was for the best.
It's not up to you to decide what's best, though, is it, Stella? He's my husband.
Ah.
I thought you'd chickened out on me.
Yeah, well, got held up.
Sorry.
Are you all right? You seem a bit agitated.
Not had the best morning.
You can pay me today, can you? - Yes.
- Cash.
Of course.
Come on.
I was a key member of her election team, for God's sake! And now she's cast me aside.
Well, she's in politics now, Dai Davies, and that do change people.
You know what they say "Power is not given to you.
You have to take it.
" - Who says that? - Oprah, most probably.
Or Russell Grant.
Sorry to interrupt.
I was just looking for Luke.
He booked the day off today, Zo, didn't he tell you? Right.
Only I thought he had to take a car to Ridge Street or something.
Don't know about that, do you? Sorry, love.
- Mornin'.
- All right? Good grief! Please someone get me an Anadin and a cup of tea.
I'm getting a stress head on me.
Oh! Sorry, Aunty Brenda, but I've got real friends like Alan Williams to help.
Yanto, you coming down the caff? Oh, grow up, for God's sake! - Am I okay to come in? - I think so.
Is this okay? You look fabulous.
Shall we get started, then? Okay.
I know I've missed two payments Yeah.
The thing is, I'm getting married next week and I was hoping I could buy myself some more time Alan! I'll have to call you back.
Alan, me old mucker.
You an' me need to talk buttonholes, my friend! - Right, well, actually - And I've been having a think about my speech.
I was wondering about some kind of military theme.
You know, comparing marriage to a battlefield.
I've had plenty of inspiration from Aunty Brenda.
Honestly, that woman! Dai, I've been meaning to Alan! Just to let you know, the minibus will pick us up at three tomorrow.
- Okay.
- And don't try getting it out of me where we're going, because it's a surprise.
Not keen on surprises! My last stag do, I went to Bruges with a couple of mates - and Melissa's brothers.
- Bruges is lovely.
Wouldn't know.
They told Customs I'd swallowed endangered birds' eggs.
- Spent the weekend in a Flemish prison.
- Right.
- Coffee? - Thanks.
And then I thought I'd talk about Alan's allergies, because some of them are quite unusual.
- What's this? - His speech.
For the wedding.
Oh.
You're doing one as well, are you? What d'you mean, "as well"? Dai, you do know that I'm the best man, don't you? - No, you're not.
- Are you? Yes, I am, actually.
No, you're not, actually.
- Yes, I am! Yes, I am.
- No, you're not! - Lads What's this? - Lads, calm it down.
Michael Jackson by here reckons he's your best man.
Actually, I'm afraid that's true.
But I've known you much longer than he have.
Which is why I've got something much bigger - for you to do.
- Have you? Yes.
Dai Edmund Davies will you do me the honour, on my wedding day of walking me down the aisle? You want me to give you away? Yes.
I'd be absolutely honoured, butt.
Are you nearly done? Only my leg's cramping up.
There's no need to rush off, is there? I've got some wine in the fridge.
Or I could rustle us up some nibbles if you're hungry.
I know I am.
Blimey, you're really good, aren't you? I've got a good subject.
Who the hell is that? Fuck! That's my wife.
- Have you just had sex with my husband? - What? No! It's not like that, you've got the wrong end of the stick.
Oh, my God, you were at the election night! Weren't ya? - Zoe Can I call you Zoe? - No.
What you doin', making him dress up in weird costumes like that? - It's all perfectly innocent! - She was just painting me, for Christ's sake! Luke is really rather a good life model.
But let me reassure you, he is without doubt the worst escort I have ever had, and I've had lots.
Why d'you do it? Pay men - half your age to spend time with you - That's my business really.
- Zo, you're out of order now.
- I'm out of order? Are you for real?! Luke, I owe you for today No.
You're all right.
Keep it.
We don't need your money, thanks all the same.
Zo! I'm sorry about all this.
Take care, Luke.
A male escort?! What, does he have sex with them? No! It's not like that.
It's companionship or something.
Yeah, right! Hey, maybe I should get this Carley's number, 'cause if I can't get a job as a solicitor maybe someone will pay me for my body.
- Well aren't you a bit? - What? - Y'know - No, Stella, what? Well, Luke's only 30-odd, isn't he? Ah, I see! Too old? No, it's not that, but well he works out.
Oh, so you're saying I'm too old and too fat? Right! Look.
I've done the maps for tomorrow.
That's the paintballing place for the stags and beauty spa for the hens.
Thanks.
What about this Mr and Mrs competition thing in the evening? We need to work out some questions.
- I've done a few already.
- Oh, go on.
Okay.
You're going out for a slap-up meal.
Which type of food does she like best? - A: Japanese - Oh God no, she hates Japanese.
.
.
B: Italian Ah, well I've never known her turn down a pizza.
.
.
or C: Indian? C.
Definitely.
Chicken balti with half 'n' half and a - peshwari naan on the side.
Okay, my turn.
- Peshwari naan on the side.
What three things do you miss about your partner when you're apart? - Only three? - Ah, yes.
His arm around me in bed when I sleep at night.
His sexy laugh.
His beautiful hands.
His smile.
His kiss His terrible jokes.
I could go on.
Stella Mam! All right? You'll have to get your own tea tonight, Ben.
Lily, you stopping? Hang on, I thought Katie was staying with you tonight, Lily? - Yeah.
She is.
- Well, where is she now? - Shopping.
- Revising.
- Sleeping.
- The car wash.
I know we're in debt.
But we've always been in debt.
What's so different now that you've had to resort to? Oh, God, promise me you didn't touch her or kiss her or anything Babe, on my life, I didn't.
It just seemed like a quick way to make some cash, that's all.
Don't say "that's all".
Don't you fucking dare say "that's all"! I was desperate.
You have to understand that, Zo.
I owe a lot of money.
I know, for the furniture and stuff, right? No.
It's more than that.
Luke, you're scaring me now.
I've been gambling, okay.
The bookies, the casino, - online betting, bloody scratch cards! - You been goin' to a casino? When? It just started off as a bit of fun, y'know? Christ, I sound like such a bloody cliche! But the thing is I can't stop.
I thought I could.
But I can't.
Every time I win some money, I just wanna win more, and then I lose.
But I still keep going back.
It's all gone a bit tits-up.
How much do we owe? No.
It's me that owes it.
No, it's us.
Our debt.
How much is it? The interest is going up all the time.
What interest? Who do you owe it to, for God's sake? Iwan Jenkins.
I got to pay him back by midnight tomorrow.
Two grand.
What?! Where is she, Ben? Aw, we promised not to say.
Look, she's gone to meet Jonny, okay? - Who the hell is Jonny? - Lily! You total grasser! Oh, will you stop sniffling! Katie, it's Dad again.
Just call me back, please.
Hm? Is he on her course? God, no, he's way too old for college.
He's only four years older, mind.
- He's 21?! - Michael, it's not that bad.
He's got a two-year-old son.
- What is wrong with you?! - Jesus And ah, where are they meeting? Some-some pub? Hm? - She's gonna kill me.
- You're right about that! Seriously, hello.
Hello! Can you stop-stop the crying now, please? - He's taking her bowling.
- See, no harm in bowling.
And then to the Leonard Hotel.
- Oh, seriously! - Oh, God.
Oh great.
So my 17-year-old daughter is staying at some seedy hotel with an older man who's already fathered a child! The Leonard's not seedy! I went there with Rob once.
- What?! - For lunch.
That's all.
Oh, God, she's not picking up.
She leaves me no option.
If Mohammed won't answer the mountain's phone calls, then the mountain will just have to get in the car and go and find Mohammed himself.
- You've lost me now, presh.
- I'm going to the Leonard.
Erm I don't actually have a car.
Can you give me a lift, please? Her name is Katie Jackson.
Well, can you look under his name, then? Jonny something.
I don't know it.
Well, you should be sorry, because you've been no help at all! Look you just got to trust that Katie is a sensible girl.
Mind you, I said that about Emma and got pregnant at 16.
- I didn't see that one coming.
- Yeah, all right! I'm just thinking it's, what, 6-ish now.
So supposing he's not a total fiend, he'll at least have bought her dinner first, right? I dunno.
Do they even bother with dinner these days? - Stell, you're not helping! - I'm only winding you up.
Look, I know it's hard, but they are allowed a private life.
I know that.
But there's a big difference between being private and telling lies.
Actually, that's quite good.
I might use that when we get there.
Can't you go any faster? I mean if he's not bought starters, they could easily be on pudding now.
I was thinking I know we can't really afford a honeymoon, but maybe we could pop up to the Lake District for a couple of days.
We could stay with my cousin.
She lives dead close to Windermere.
Yeah, maybe.
Alan, are you okay, love? Little Alan, come here a minute.
I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
- Are you dying? - What? No.
Alan, what is it? I'm sorry, team.
I've tried my best.
But it looks like the cafe might have to close.
Come on! - Oh, it is nice here, mind.
Fair play.
- So write a review on TripAdvisor.
- Excuse me, where's the restaurant? - Through there, mate.
"Mate"? Honestly! So do you want coffee or crazy thought shall we just go to the room? I think you've got some explaining to do, young lady.
Dad! What are you doing here? - You're coming home with me right now.
- No, I'm not.
I can't believe you lied to me.
Telling me you're staying at Lily's, and then booking into hotel rooms with some random man.
Who are you? - I'm Jonny.
- Oh, my God! I'm not booked in to a hotel room.
We're just having dinner here, that's all.
How embarrassing.
And did you know he's got a two-year-old son? Yes! He's called Rocco.
We're not staying over, Mr Jackson, honest.
- I'm really sorry about this.
- It's okay.
Don't apologise to him! I'm the one that deserves the apology here.
Your dad's just worried about you, love, that's all.
Put your jacket on.
Dad, I'm not coming home with you! Once we finish dinner, I'll bring her home.
I promise.
Your promise, young man, is worthless.
Empty.
Fake! Sorry, I don't know what's going on here, but I'll tell you what's going on! I have a duty of care to ensure the honour of my daughter - is protected.
- Oh, my God! And I have a duty of care to ensure that my customers are not disturbed.
Now, if you don't leave immediately, mate, I'm gonna call security.
Get off me! And stop calling me mate.
Come on, let's go.
Come on.
Enjoy the rest of your meal.
Michael! I can't just leave her there to be fiddled with by some surfer lout.
She's not being fiddled with, she's having a tiramisu.
And she's 17, presh.
You can't stop them growing up.
And you're sure they won't be showing a video? I don't want to see no videos.
Oh, pack it in, Karl, it's only a talk! And if they do start flashing any vajojos, you can always read the paper.
Greasy Rees! Thank Christ for that.
Didn't know you had another on the way! No chance.
Not me.
- I had the snip back in '95, I did, butt.
- Oh.
Right.
No it's our Rachel, it is.
Her fella's done a bunk.
Us grandads have gotta do our bit! Dunnit.
Right, Becky do send her apologies, but she's gone to visit her mother in Bancyfelin.
So you got me.
Now, I don't pretend to know much on an anecdotal level, but I know the ins and outs, medically speakin'.
Might compile something which I think could be illuminatin' and even a bit of fun.
An A to Z of birth and delivery.
So when you're ready A is for agony, and yes, it can be, but get the right B is for breathing in place and you will find you become much C is for calmer.
Now D is for I've never been thrown out of anywhere before.
You were really cool.
- Was I? - No.
Well why didn't you stop me? Well, it's none of my business, is it? I miss my business being your business.
Do you think she hates me now? No.
She'll totally get that you have "a duty of care to ensure the honour of my daughter is protected.
" - I actually said that, didn't I? - Yes, you did.
I'd have been even worse if you hadn't been with me.
Katie! Darling, I'm so sorry That was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me.
- I feel so humiliated.
- But you have to see how worried I was A "duty of care "to ensure the honour of your daughter is protected"?! What-what are you, some - Okay, maybe I over-reacted a bit.
- Don't speak to me.
Ever again.
You've ruined the whole night and my whole life.
- I think I'd better go.
- D'you have to? Yeah, I think so, don't you? We got a big day tomorrow.
Ooh! Good luck.
Okay.
Well, thanks, anyway.
- Well? - It's as I thought.
The cafe's finished.
Hasta la vista, sayonara, au revoir, arrivederci, - bon voyage.
- Yeah, all right, Dad.
We get what you're sayin.
' Look, we don't need to get married yet.
We can postpone it if you like, till next year.
- Don't be daft.
- When we have more money.
She's got a point, y'know.
We are not postponing nothing, d'you hear me? We are gonna enjoy ourselves today, and put all this nonsense behind us for now.
Deal.
Deal.
But promise me you're not gonna go overboard on this wedding.
You'll keep it simple, won't you? Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
How much? My hand feels weird without it.
I'm so sorry, babe.
- I'll get it back, I promise.
- Yeah.
- Morning.
Come on, Katie, the bus is here! - Morning.
You have told them there's a pregnant woman in the party, haven't you? - Yes, Nadine, I've told them.
- 'Cause I'm pregnant, see.
Yes, you have mentioned that.
Have fun, darling.
Oh, dear.
Speak to her for me, will you? - She'll listen to you.
- Okay.
Come on, Stell.
- Right.
Enjoy yourselves.
- You too.
Right, now I hope you all got my text and brought your own supplies.
None of us want to be paying them bar fancy prices.
- Good look.
- Oh, this is nothing.
- Parvadi's come as penguin.
- Oh, right! Blimey! - Oh where are we going, Stell? - Wait and see, Nosy Rosy.
So you know where we're going, then? - Well of course I do, I live with her.
- Hey, it's not cockin' Vegas, is it? Oh, I just had a text from Zoe.
She's not coming.
Oh really? Some people just won't make the effort.
Come on, then.
Let's hit the road, hens.
Hands up who wants a chocolate willy? Yes, please! ? people want to know ? - ? Who we are ? - ? So we tell them ? ? So we tell them ? - ? We are the Berry ? - ? We are the Berry ? Berry! Berry! Berry! Berry! Berry! Berry! - Your attention, please, gentlemen.
- Ooh, here we go, here we go, here we go.
Now, some of you may be wondering where we are.
- We are, we are.
- Well, all is about to be revealed.
- So, soldiers - Yes sir! - For that is what you are - Be prepared! Because it's going to get pretty tough out there! How tough? Hang on.
Yanto, what's going on? What the cock? Paintballing?! I'm really sorry.
I think me and Michael must have mixed up the maps.
Fantastic! I've always wanted to go paintballing! Have you? What the hell are we doing here? I thought we were goin' to the spa? - Ssh! - Oh! Cheers, love.
Hey, Michael, this is the best.
I was worried you were gonna make us play golf or go paintballing or something.
Hey, nice one! Hi.
Yeah, I think we've messed up.
Yeah, but have we, though? 'Cause Celia's over the moon.
Well, so is Alan, actually.
Great! Well, I won't tell if you won't.
Well, enjoy being annihilated.
Yeah, enjoy being pampered, massaged and waited on hand and foot! Oh, yes All right, you horrible lot! Some people call this a game.
This is not a game.
Say it! This is not a game.
Some call it a hobby.
Knitting is a fucking hobby.
This is not a hobby.
Say it! This is not a hobby.
And it's time to meet your opponents.
Be afraid, 'cause they're a nasty bunch.
Well, who are they, then, Scotty? Morris.
Brackstone.
Aunty Brenda.
Cheryl! What are you doing here? These are my girls.
Pontyberry Ju-Jitsu Juniors.
Hitherto unbeaten in every paintball battle ever fought.
Let the carnage commence! Hi-yah! - Treatment for Celia? - Eh? She means you, Al.
Oh, right.
Bring it on.
So they're gonna stick these candles in my ears and set fire to 'em? They do come from the ancient American Indians, Dai.
No, they do come from the cash and carry up Treorchy.
- I'm all yours.
- This way, Celia.
There'd better not be lead-based paint in them balls, I'm telling you.
'Cause I'm pregnant, see? - So where have the stags gone? - To a spa.
Oh, that's brilliant.
God, you and Michael are so clever.
Thanks.
How do I look? Absolutely terrifying! Ooh ah.
Ooh ah.
All units on blue 14, all units on blue 14.
There's a bogey in the bushes.
A bogey in the bushes.
Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Oh, heck.
Are we still alive? I'm not even sure any more.
- Listen, about last night.
- Total humiliation.
I know, but your dad was just looking out for you, that's all.
Well, he should trust me.
All we were doing was having dinner.
We were never gonna stay the night.
- What? - I'm a Pontyberry girl, presh.
There's not a lot I don't know about lying to your parents when you want to have some lovely filthy sex with your boyfriend.
Oh, over-share! He seems like a nice bloke, though.
Yeah, he is.
Well so's your dad.
So don't be too harsh on him, eh? Argh! Bastard! If the Botox makes you look five years younger and the chemical peel makes you look ten years younger, then you know what I'm thinking - don't you? - Nope.
If I get both, that'll make me look like I'm 32! Win-win! Argh! Argh! I thought a Brazilian was a type of cocktail! Ah, argh.
All right, Bobs? All I want to do is get back home, maybe one day buy me a farm, raise some cattle, have some kids.
I don't want to go out like this.
Not like this.
We're almost out of time.
If we stay too long, the stags will get to the Chinese buffet before us.
Well, we can't have that.
We're just gonna have to commit paintballing suicide.
I'll start the engine.
It's been a pleasure serving with you all.
Let's go.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Time's up.
Ju-Jitsu Juniors win yet again.
Mission accomplished.
Army, dismissed! - Oh that was brilliant! - Speak for yourself.
My backside's more bruised than an out-of-date nectarine.
- Oh, my God! - What? You know that little sexy surprise I booked? Yes.
Well, I've kinda forgotten to cancel it.
I didn't know Keckers was a fireman.
Sorry, fellas, I'm contractually obliged to complete my routine all the way.
Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Come on, girls.
That was the best day of my whole entire whole life! All I'm saying is I hope that paint wasn't lead-based.
'cause if it is, I'll be suing.
'Cause I'm pregnant, see.
How you doin' now, Al, in the nether region, like? I'm in agony, Glen.
- I bet you it's nice and smooth, mind.
- Oh, aye.
Dad! You survived, then? - I'm sorry.
- Oh, Katie Bear.
Oh, my God, babe, you look disgustin'.
Is he having a stroke? He've had a chemical peel.
And Botox.
He's worried he's too old to be a father and that he'll be no use to man nor beast at the birth of his child.
Well, you're not even gonna be there, bibs.
Bobby is.
Huh? She asked me ages ago, sweetheart.
To be her birthing partner.
No point you risking wetting youself again.
Aw! - You first.
- No, you first.
You know what I find most difficult about a buffet? Just knowing when to stop.
Bit like your thirst for power, I should imagine.
Look, Dai Davies, maybe I was a bit harsh.
But what you'll never understand is that it's tough at the top and I'm a woman of integrity.
Having said that, I'll make a few phone calls in the morning, see what I can do about this old plannin' permission is it? Right, now pass me one of them chicken whatyercalls - Dumplings.
- Dumplings Luke! Oh, I'm so glad you made it.
Is everything all right now? How could you do it, Luke? That £200 was literally the last bit of money I had and you've bloody gambled it away! He's got a problem, Stell.
He needs us to help him, not be angry with him.
Yeah well, you're a lot more patient with him than I am.
Maybe that's 'cause I'm his wife, not his mother.
This isn't helping! - What's going on? - Luke owes £2,000.
- And he's got to pay it back by midnight.
- Bloody hell! Look, I'm overdrawn myself.
But you can have what I've got, um Michael! - Um, 80 quid there.
- Thanks.
We'll pay you back.
Oh, this is terrible.
I know.
I'm so sorry, Mam.
You have got to see this! Celia's doin' the ice bucket challenge! The ice bucket challenge is so 2014.
And I nominate for the ice bucket challenge, any guest who doesn't come to our wedding dressed as a character beginning with A or C! Right.
Okay, Yanto, go for it! I told you, Luke, I don't do instalments.
But it's nearly 500.
That's a quarter of what he owes you.
First thing Monday, my boys'll be round your house, see what saleable goods you might have for me.
- Oh no, you can't! - Come on, mate, please don't do this.
Make sure you're in.
- Tell me it'll all be all right with Luke.
- It'll all be all right with Luke.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- He's still my baby, see.
- I know.
You mustn't worry.
Right, well, night.
Yeah, night.
Stell You know I've started the job-hunting again? - Well, I've got an interview on Monday.
- That's brilliant! Yeah, it's a senior partnership.
Company's called Stanfield Blake.
Sounds posh! Where to are they based? Cardiff, is it? Well that's the thing.
They're, um They're in London.
Wow! I mean, it's early days and they'll be seeing other people for it, but um, - I'm not gonna doing too much - London! That's really exciting.
Yeah.
All right? How you doing? Listen, ah y'know I wouldn't do this unless I was really, really desperate but ah well, I am I'm I've fucked things up pretty badly, to be honest.
And I was just wondering if there was any chance you could help me.
'Cause I really need you, Dad.
I don't know what to do.
- You are not gonna believe this! - What? - Rob's flying back today.
- Today! Yes.
is I've now got 250 balloons that are completely useless.
- Alan and Ceel! - _ Show me your driving licence.
- I can't.
- You're under arrest.
My problems started the day you moved next door and ruined my life.