Still Up (2023) s01e04 Episode Script

The Sleep Clinic

[SIGHS] Well, I'm still just
wide-awake. Must be the pressure.
I mean, what if I can't relax?
When I want to relax, I shut my eyes
and imagine I'm in a nice, hot bath.
I hate baths. You just lie there
in your own filth. Like a hippo.
That's why every time I have a bath,
I always have a shower afterwards.
[CHUCKLES] That's ridiculous.
That's just doubling the
time it takes to wash.
Why not just have a shower?
Well, 'cause I like having a bath
and sitting in my filth like a hippo.
[LAUGHS] No wonder there's no hot
water for me left in the morning.
Well done for doing this.
No, I wanna do it.
- Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow.
- Yep.
- Good luck. [KISSES]
- Thank you.
I'll miss you.
- Course you will. 'Cause I'm amazing.
- Mm-hmm.
[GASPS] Oh, also, you are
paying for the next water bill.
- Fair enough. [CHUCKLES]
- Night night, Veg.
- Have a good one.
- Oh. Yep, sorry.
- [DRIVER] Come on, mate.
I haven't got all day.
- Hiya.
- Hi.
- Um, Lisa Osgood.
- Okay.
Can you fill this out, please?
Thank you.
- Your room's through here.
- Thank you.
Can I get you something to drink?
[SIGHS] I could murder a
dry white wine. [CHUCKLES]
I, uh I don't think
Oh, no, I'm joking. Sorry,
I'm fine. Thanks. [CHUCKLING]
Thank you.
[SIGHS] Oh. Okay,
yeah, this is pretty
[LISA] Okay, question.
When you have a bath
[SIGHS] do you have
a shower afterwards?
[DANNY] No. That would double
your washing time. That's mental.
[LISA] Thank you. That is what I said.
Sorry, I just wanted a second opinion.
Let's see your room. What's it like?
Uh, can you imagine
Buzz Lightyear's coffin?
What are you talking about? No.
[LISA] That was a bit random, wasn't it?
Honestly, though, you should
think about doing one of these.
What? You don't even
know if it works yet.
- Oh, wow. That's a good look for you.
- Oh, thank you.
That's amazing. That's it right there.
[LAUGHS] I mean, at this
point I'll try anything.
Think Veggie's really
starting to worry about me.
Yesterday he caught me putting
one of Poppy's toys on the cooker.
[DANNY] You what?
[LISA] Admittedly, it was a toy kettle,
but I just c I can't go on without
sleep, can I? [BREATHES DEEPLY]
What do you hope to get out of it?
Do you think they're gonna cure you?
God, I hope so.
And with any luck, they'll
be able to do something
about my restless leg syndrome. [SIGHS]
- Your restless what?
- It's just really weird.
Anytime I try and sleep, it's
like my legs wanna get up.
You and your legs share the same brain?
Yeah, you know, I'm not so
sure that's true anymore, Danny.
- It's the truth.
[STAMMERS] What was that?
That would be Daisy.
Mmm, who's Daisy?
- That's Daisy.
Where did that come from?
[DANNY] Right, well, earlier, I
got a knock on the door from Adam.
All right, dude?
Don't suppose you could do me a
big favor and look after Daisy?
Uh, who's Daisy?
What? Um Daisy, meet Danny.
I'm looking after her while
Mrs. Jackson's in hospital.
Her angina's flared up again.
But I've just been called in.
Fire at the chemical
Now, Daisy is very low-maintenance.
Although, she is working through a
few issues. You know, emotionally.
What kind of issues?
Well, her therapist says that
it is clinical depression.
- Brought on by her inferiority complex.
- Sorry did you say it's got a therapist?
Daisy doesn't like loud noises,
bright lights or big surprises.
And she really doesn't like being
criticized. Makes her spiral.
I just thought, you know,
with all your problems,
you'd both get on like a house on fire.
And if she does get really stressed then
Mr Poppet will calm her down. [CHUCKLES]
[DANNY] And being the great
neighbor that I am, I said
No. It's a no. Thank you.
It's a yes. Come on.
- Aw, it's a little dog.
- Little?
I could put a saddle on
it and ride it into town.
- Look at it. It's got biceps.
Worst thing is, it doesn't
like being left alone.
- Aw.
- Tried to use the toilet, right?
And it bust the door open to
get in. I thought it was the SAS.
[LISA] Hmm. Well, maybe it was
just desperate to use the loo.
See, it won't leave me alone.
- What do you want from me?
- Ooh, she likes you, Danny.
You should be happy about it.
A female who's into you. It
doesn't happen that often.
- That's harsh.
- [LAUGHS] Sorry.
On that subject, actually.
I'm thinking of contacting Amy.
In your honest opinion, how long
do you have to wait to text a girl
- if you recently cut off their finger?
- Ah, I mean, I'd say 500 years.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
[SIGHS] That's such a shame.
- She was great. I really liked her.
- Yeah.
She was really funny.
Really funny, yeah.
Really, really funny.
- I remember that.
- She was so funny.
[CHUCKLING] Look, um, I actually
can't keep talking right now,
'cause I have to try and sleep, okay?
Yeah, same. I should probably get going.
Oh, yeah? What are you up to?
I got a [SIGHS] I got a
job interview to prepare for.
- [GASPS] With who?
- The Rolling Stone magazine.
No. Stop it. Oh, my God.
Danny, that's amazing.
Why didn't you say anything?
Well, 'cause I didn't wanna jinx it.
It's just an interview, so I
don't wanna get ahead of myself.
Only an interview? No, it's brilliant.
Trust me. You are so gonna get that.
Ah. No, no, no. You've
done it. No, you've said it.
- You've jinxed me.
- Wha N No.
- [GASPS] Oh. Well done.
Where have you gone?
Lisa. I'm Dr. Stafford. You've met Kat.
So, I'm just going to explain a
little bit about what happens here.
Uh, we're going to
monitor you with these
Uh, polysomnographic magnets?
You've done some research, I see.
assist us in assessing
and studying your sleep patterns,
and your cognitive behavior.
We use the results to
Help formulate a strategy
to treat my sleep disorder
and my night routine.
Looks like we have an expert here, Kat.
That won't get irritating at all.
I just need you to press "agree."
Ooh. Oh, sorry. I've lost the page.
- Sorry. [CHUCKLES]
- Don't worry. [CHUCKLES]
Let me just, um Let me
just try and f [SIGHS]
Oh, I like your shoes. [CHUCKLES]
Ooh. Thank you. Kat here thinks
they're a bit too in-your-face.
I I didn't mean it
to come out like that.
Whilst we're waiting for Kat.
Do you have with you any
stimulants, like caffeinated drinks,
or gadgets and devices?
A laptop, tablet or phone?
- Good.
- No.
Now, have you been to the toilet?
Oh, yeah, I did go, um,
but nothing came out.
Will that affect my diagnosis?
That's not a problem. If you
need to go in the night, you can.
Just remember to switch off your
mic. It's that little button there.
- Oh. [SIGHS]
- [GASPS] Ooh. Found it.
Alert the press. Inform the king.
[KAT] Just press there.
[DR. STAFFORD] So, it's half past 11:00.
The lights will be going out shortly.
Please attempt to sleep.
- Good night. [CHUCKLES]
- Night night. [CHUCKLES]
- [KAT] I do really like your shoes.
- [DR STAFFORD] Too little too late Kat.
Why do you have to make my life
so hard? It's just a cat. Oi.
Come up here. Come up here. Up again.
Stay. Watch.
Let me just And then I can
[GRUNTS] Oi. Oi.
[GRUNTS] Listen to me. Stay.
Stay there. I'm getting Mr. Poppet.
Daisy, what's this? Look what I
What the
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no. No, what have you done?
Oh, my God. What have you done? You f
You giant [STAMMERS] hairy anus.
Daisy, come back. I'm sorry.
I take it back. I take it back.
- I take "anus" back.
She's destroyed it all.
All my interview prep. And the
interview is in four hours. LA time.
[GASPS] Oh, my God.
- That's awful.
- Oh, yeah.
Big time. All of it's gone.
Prep, gone. Ideas, gone.
All of it's gone. I had full
pages on Bowie and Prince,
The Hologram Superband. I
had Cremated To Creedence,
The Ultimate Send-Off. It's
all gone. She's deleted it all.
And she's deleted it in a way that
makes it somehow irretrievable.
How's that possible?
Do you think she's some
kind of evil genius?
- Wait, are we talking about the dog here?
- Yeah, and she's playing silly billies.
She turned my laptop's
language into Spanish.
- What?
- Yeah.
I looked up "troubleshooting"
in Spanish, which was fine,
but now I'm having to use
the troubleshooting page
for troubleshooting in the wrong
language. It's all a bit too much.
- It's getting the better of me.
[STAMMERS] I'm sorry. I know
you're supposed to be sleeping,
but you're the only person I can call.
No, it's fine. It's
fine. Everything's fine.
Look, just, um [SMACKS
LIPS] breathe, okay?
- Just make sure Are you breathing?
Unfortunately, yeah.
Okay, give me two seconds.
Um [SIGHS] hiya. Sorry,
um, I really need the toilet.
Is that Can I go?
The door's not locked, Ms. Osgood.
Good. [GRUNTS]
How you doing? You okay?
Oh, yeah. Never better.
Good. I'm just trying to find the loo.
- Caught me red-handed. [CHUCKLES]
Can I bribe you with a Twix
to forget you ever saw me?
No need. I won't tell if you don't.
- Clyde.
- Oh, uh, Lisa. [CHUCKLES] Hi. Yeah.
- Yes.
My fourth time in here.
What are you in for?
Uh, insomnia and restless legs. You?
Night terrors. And other
stuff as well, which I
won't bore you with now. [CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES] I'll just
If you can't sleep, I can download
some movies onto your phone.
Thanks. I'll remember that. [CHUCKLES]
It's mainly sci-fi.
I've got Men in Black 3,
Independence Day, Star
Trek Into Darkness,
Total Recall, War of the Worlds.
- Hmm.
- Prometheus, Men in Black 1,
THE ABYSS, ALIEN, ALIEN: Resurrection,
and my own personal
favorite, Terminator 2.
Yeah. I'm just gonna
Okay, I've only got ten minutes,
'cause I really need to sleep.
Okay, maybe I could stretch to 15.
Listen, maybe this is
a blessing in disguise.
You can be spontaneous.
You can talk from the heart.
I can barely talk from the
mouth. I should just cancel it.
Let's face it, I can't
talk to human beings.
You're fine talking to me.
Yeah, but I don't class
you as a human being.
- That was meant to be a compliment.
- I took it as one, thanks.
Honestly, these
Zoomy-Skypey type meetings,
they're hard enough as
it is. But now Nah.
I can't freestyle my way
through that interview
with all those faces looking at me.
I feel like I'm being tried for
a crime in a dystopian future.
See, I always thought you'd
be good at this kind of stuff.
[GRUNTS] I don't know what
it is. Interviews, exams.
Something just happens to my
brain. Like my first driving test.
[DANNY] There I was, town center,
having a minor nervous breakdown,
- when the examiner said
- Take the next left-hand turn.
[DANNY] So I was panicking,
thinking, "Did he mean this left?
He can't have meant this
left. But it is the next left.
He said the next left. He's testing me,
which would make sense
as this is the test.
- Yeah, he meant this left."
Why are we entering a car park?
[STUTTERS] Yeah, sorry. I just, uh
When you said next left, I th I th
I thought maybe, um [INHALES
SHARPLY] Just two two seconds.
- [DANNY] No.
- Uh Bear Uh Bear with.
[DANNY] I had to drive up three levels
just so I could go down again to exit.
Then, of course, I
had to pay to get out.
Have you got 3.50?
[LISA] Honestly, don't worry about
the prep, okay? Just be likable.
When it comes to interviews,
it's all about attitude
and projecting confidence, okay?
You can't let your nerves
get the better of you.
- Do you wanna know what I always picture?
- The interviewer naked.
What? No. The egg in the shoe.
- What?
- My gran taught it to me.
Said if I was ever feeling nervous,
I should just picture whoever is
talking to me has an egg in their shoe.
Why an egg?
Well, exactly.
- Why would they have an egg in their shoe?
- Hmm.
All right, doesn't like
the egg in the shoe.
What are you looking for?
Daisy. She's hiding.
I think I've upset her.
- Well, at least it's calmed you down.
But what about your interview?
Balls. No, no, no, no, no. I can't
focus with Daisy in panic mode.
You all right there?
Listen to me. I'm sorry
I called you useless.
But we both said stuff in the heat
of the moment that we now regret.
So, how about we forget about the
past? Start afresh, clean slate.
And you come out from under the bed.
What do you have to say about that?
Fair enough.
It's not working. What
can I do to cheer her up?
What do animals like? Food.
They like food, don't
they? I can make an omelet.
An omelet would be nice.
You up for a little omelet?
[LISA] Why is the dog
under the bed a bad thing?
Like, now you can
concentrate on your interview.
I just don't want her
thinking I'm a bad person.
I hate the thought of
someone being mad at me.
- Hmm.
- That's why I can't do arguments.
I always crack first.
Three years with Chloe
and I never won a single one.
Like that time she thought
Mark Wahlberg was Vanilla Ice.
Wasn't he Marky Mark?
Yeah. Vanilla Ice is a
completely different person.
She ended up talking me around.
Yeah, it's not like Chloe
to be manipulative, is it?
Nothing. Look, I really have
to go. Danny, look at me.
- I'm looking.
- The interview is gonna be fine.
You know everything there
is to know about music.
You listen exclusively to bands
that no one in the real
world's even heard of.
Thanks so much for saying
that. I really appreciate it.
Yeah. And also talking to LA
all night. The hours are perfect.
But I wouldn't be working through
the night if I got the job.
Okay. Well, that's great.
Yeah. Job's in LA.
I'd have to move there.
- Daisy. Come on. Look at this. [GASPS]
- So sorry, so sorry.
Can I check in?
Um, you know when you just said LA,
you meant, like like in Los Angeles?
That's right. Come
on. Come on. Yes. Yes.
[GASPS] Oh, thank God.
Are you okay in there?
Fine, thank you.
Why are you doing a lady's
voice? You're already a lady.
[DR. STAFFORD] Perhaps I
should have made this clearer,
but it's quite difficult to
monitor you in the toilet.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey. Um, how's Daisy?
She's great. She
bloody loved the omelet.
Oh, cool. Um, look, so,
Do you really think
you can move out there?
I haven't got the gig yet.
Oh, I know you haven't got
the gig yet, but if you did,
I mean, we wouldn't be
able to do this anymore.
- What do you mean? Of course we would.
- How? Your night would be my day.
Yeah. But, I mean, if this
sleep clinic cures you, I mean
You know, we wouldn't
be able to do it anyway.
Oh. Well, I can't really
imagine not doing this with you.
I mean, I'm I just
don't really see you in LA.
- Like, I just Like in my head.
- [COUGHS] Why?
I just think you'd look weird.
- But honestly
how do you think you would actually,
like, you know, survive out there?
[DANNY] I don't know.
Probably the same I do here.
Actually, I'm looking into
flying over the block of flats
so I don't have to go outside.
- What, like in Up?
- Exactly like in Up.
That'd be great. Well, at least
you'd have Adam for company.
Although he probably wouldn't
notice for a couple of weeks.
See, you'll miss this. What
are you even gonna do in LA?
You don't know anyone.
Yeah. [SIGHS] Actually, I think, uh,
Chloe might be out there, but, uh
- Oh. Really?
- Last I heard, yeah.
Oh, well. If you see her, I
guess, tell her to piss off for me.
Oh, come on. She's not that bad.
What do you mean she wasn't that
bad? Danny, she was an absolute knob.
- Especially what she did to you.
- Well, we're both to blame.
I am trying to be the
better person, thank you.
You are so incredible,
you are incapable of
saying a bad word about her.
I mean, honestly, if someone had
cheated behind my back with three people
I would so not be defending
them the way that you are.
Sorry, what'd you say?
Did you say three people?
There was one person.
- Isn't it the Milo guy?
- Was it?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sorry. I
must have been mistaken.
- You're saying it's three people?
- I'm not. Forget that.
- How did you know it's three people?
- I I don't know
- Lisa, how'd you know it's three people?
- I don't [SIGHS]
I just heard about the other
ones from a friend of a friend.
- A friend of a friend?
- Yeah
It was just a stupid
WhatsApp group and then
- There's a WhatsApp group?
- No, not about this.
- Who's on the WhatsApp group?
- I don't know.
As soon as it got
mentioned, I left the group.
- It's not It wasn't about this.
- Okay.
long have you known?
- What? Known? Like
- That's a while.
- No, it's not a while. No.
- It's a while. Okay.
- Who else knows?
- [SIGHS] I don't know.
That's everyone. Okay. Everyone knows.
Everyone knows and
nobody wanted to tell me?
- No, Danny. Danny.
- It's fine. I'm actually [STUTTERS]
- Danny, listen.
- Can I call you back later?
- Hang on. This
Hand it over.
- Take it to the office.
- Oh.
Please don't tell her I'm here. It's
my break but she won't let me sleep.
- It's okay.
[NORMAL] Oh, Clyde.
Come with me if you want to live.
- Can I make a quick call first?
No, you're sleepwalking.
Cl Clyde. Stop it!
- Clyde, you're sleepwalking. Stop it.
- Oh. Hello again.
[CHUCKLES] It's me. Ooh, it's
quite a commotion, isn't it?
What's happened?
[GASPS] What have you done?
- [DANNY] Hi, this is Danny Gibson.
- Um, leave me a message
- Night night.
and I will try and
get back to you. Thanks
[LISA] Hiya. It's me.
[CHUCKLES] Uh, funny story.
Um, so, you know the
sleep clinic I was at?
Well, I have just been
escorted off the property
and they have given me a lifetime ban.
I asked them if they could
still give me a diagnosis
and the doctor said yes. And
then she told me I was a twat.
So, I think that might be a
first for the medical world.
So you're stuck with me.
You know, if you'll
still have me. [CHUCKLES]
[LISA] I'm so sorry I didn't
tell you about you know.
I knew it would upset you and
I was just too much of a coward
to say anything.
Actually, I made a new friend.
He's called Clyde. So, yeah.
You know, if you stay made at me forever
then I'll probably just do this with him.
[LISA] Please don't stay mad at me.
Look, I really wanna know how
your interview went, which is
[GASPS] Oh, it's happening right now.
[GASPS] Oh, I bet you're
killing it. You're brilliant.
Bye, Danny.
Hi, Danny. Good to meet you.
buddy. How you doing?
[INTERVIEWER 2] Whoa. That's not him.
- D Danny? Danny?
- [INTERVIEWER 2] Danny, Rolling Stone.
- No. No.
- No.
- Right, that's a no then. Bye.
- Sorry, Danny.
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