Succession (2018) s01e03 Episode Script


1 My dad's in the hospital.
I don't know if he's gonna be okay.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) KENDALL: What's the situation? He's had a hemorrhagic stroke.
My assistant's been in touch with NYU and we might move Dad there.
He stays here.
I am his proxy.
I am in charge.
The board has a plan in the event of Logan's incapacitation.
I'll be taking temporary charge as CEO and chairman.
It wouldn't necessarily be you.
It could be me.
How can I not be the logical choice? Dad didn't want you running the company.
We go for it.
Me and you.
CEO and COO.
- Will you marry me? - Yeah, whatever.
- Yes? - (LAUGHS) Do you know that he gave me a job? Come in and see me, and I'll look after you.
There's a huge debt problem.
Three billion.
You're making it quite fucking difficult to savor this moment, - Geri.
- Don't jump.
There's a lot of mess to be cleaned up, Kendall, but you can do it, son.
(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (TURNS OFF ALARM) (EXHALING IN RHYTHM WITH PUNCHES) (MUSIC PLAYING) (TURNSTILE BEEPS) (MUSIC PLAYING) Richard, can you get me the price of the Waystar stock? - At close last night, please.
- How is he? Good.
A little clearer.
He tried to put on a sock.
TOM: Hey.
- (FOOTSTEPS) - Morning.
Hey, Mondale.
Wish me luck, buddy.
Wish me luck.
What's that? "Good luck, Tom!" "Hope it goes well!" OK, so, just wanted to say goodbye.
Have you seen the numbers? Man, poor Ken.
He's like dysentery for the stock price.
You are walking into a burning barn.
Still excited.
- Still rarin' to go.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm just paying homage.
What's that? You miss me? Well, I miss you too.
Maybe we should arrange a date while she's not around.
- You're weird.
- No, you are weird! OK! - Goodbye.
- Oh, Tom.
I'm gonna go see Dad.
If Marcia wants to be difficult, so can I.
So can you come with me? Uh, I gotta stay in front on this one, baby.
It's a hugie.
My first morning stepping up.
Just say you went to see the big boss.
Don't make me choose, Shiv.
Don't make me choose.
It's a man's right not to choose.
Hey, Rava.
Can you give me 30 seconds? RAVA: Sorry, I'm just getting the kids ready.
Oh, Luanne, can you get Yeah? OK.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Uh, yeah, so this is this is dumb, but bank call this morning, and I just wanted to ask Wait.
What bank? Our old joint account? Um, no, no, Rava, the bank.
ICBC, who have apparently bankrolled the old man for years.
I'm sorry.
I'm just in a rush.
Just two minutes? What's your read? Do I go do I go Hulk, or Bruce Banner? Well, K-Kendall, talk to your people about I know, you're just you're always so good with this stuff, and just, uh The Hulk is the incredible one, right? The Hulk.
We have to go.
I'm sorry.
Why don't you ask Roman? OK? - Guys? - Roma Rava.
Come on.
- Seriously? - I'm sorry.
KIDS: Bye! Bye, guys.
I love you.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) - TRAINER: Out of ten? - ROMAN: Uh, seven.
- OK.
- (ROMAN GROANS) You're in decent shape, you're a little sloppy, but I can get you tight as a drum.
Well, I trust Pax, and Pax says you're the best.
I'm only gonna say one thing, Roman, OK? Go for it.
I take my shit serious, that's why I have the reputation that I do, and I need you to take it serious, too.
OK? Dude, I'm I'm onboard, so you can skip the whole speech bullshit, OK? - I'm down.
- All right.
5:30 every day.
Yeah, man, I'm serious.
I'm serious as cancer.
Fuckin' more serious.
Fuckin' money cancer.
You know, I'm COO now.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
That's Chief Operating Officer.
It's Waystar Royco, so if it operates, I chief it.
Flip over on your belly.
But yeah, no, 5:30, that's perfect.
- A.
right? - Yup.
Well, good, because the other 5:30 I'll be at work, ya know? Being an agent of change and fuckin' firing people.
MARCIA: Ask her to wait there.
Oh! She's here.
- It's the morphine.
- (SNIFFLES) - It's not that unusual.
- I know.
I'm fine.
- Is everything all right? - MARCIA: Hi, Shiv.
- SHIV: Hi! - Hi, Tom.
I'm afraid I can't stay.
- Excuse me one second.
- TOM: First day.
- Hi.
- What's the What's going on? - Nothing.
- No? Staff.
(KISSING) Good to see you.
I know you said that he wasn't great, but I was passing by, so I thought I'd just drop in.
That is so sweet.
But you know, he's not seeing people right now.
Yeah, but I thought I could just pop up.
Even if, you know, he's grumpy.
I think it's best you don't.
Marcia, I've seen my dad do the Master Cleanse.
I can take him a little bit grouchy.
I'm afraid that is out of the question.
Um, do you Might it be an idea to check and see whether he's changed his mind? - Yeah.
- Perked up a little bit? Of course.
(WHISPERING) What the fuck? (WHISPERING) I know.
I have to go.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, hey.
Hi! I'm Shiv.
Logan's daughter.
I just I wanted to say thank you for For all your work.
You're quite welcome.
(LAUGHS) - Yeah.
It's much appreciated.
- Thank you.
And how does he seem today? Good? Oh you know.
Actually, we don't.
We heard al about the sock.
(COMPUTER TICKING) It'll stabilize.
I know.
I know it will.
So I've been thinking.
I've got a new game plan for the call.
Can you try and not look so fuckin' nervous? I know what I'm doing.
I'm relaxed.
I just think it's a little late, considering the gravity and the need to get the relationship right.
The The new strategy is really just a refinement of all this great work.
It goes, uh Well, the working title is "Go Fuck Yourself.
" - Uh-huh.
What do you think? I think I need a little bit more of an explanation.
My dad's a bastard, they need to know I'm a bastard, too.
- Right? - Right Great.
POLK (ON SPEAKER): Hi, Kendall, good to connect.
Yeah, great.
(KENDALL SIGHS DEEPLY) So, you you wanna go? Well, why don't you go? OK.
Well, uh, sure.
We just wanted to make contact, given where we are.
- Mm-hmm.
We are concerned.
- Absolutely.
Now, obviously, look, the main thing is, we just handle this very calmly, because the last thing either of us want is for this rather private arrangement my father made to, uh, you know, make waves.
- Absolutely.
- But I guess the issue is we owe you 3.
2 billion 3.
KENDALL: Hey, I was rounding down.
We round up.
25 billion, secured against Waystar stock, which is, you know, undergoing some temporary turbulence due to sector-wide factors.
So, I guess, you know, what I'd like to know is, what your position will be if we have a sustained breach of the stock price and we fall out of compliance with our debt covenant? OK, well, if the stock drops, we're entitled to ask for a payment in full.
Uh-huh, exactly.
Technically, uh, yeah.
So what will we do here in reality? If it breaches 130, you've broken the covenant and we will want repayment.
I know.
But, um, like, really? Seriously.
OK, I I get it.
That's your initial position, but we will want to restructure, and, uh Look, here's where I'm at.
We're not crazy about the media sector, we're not crazy about how your father has treated our relationship, and our position is to seek recoupment.
Oh, come on, man.
Fuck off.
- Uh, hello? - I'm here.
Yeah, come on.
Real world, can we start to negotiate? Listen, son, that's our position.
If the stock drops below 130, you're in breach and we want our money back.
OK, fine.
Let's keep talking.
Look, if you need to talk to me, maybe it's better if we go through an intermediary.
I'm not a particular fan of foul language, and I don't like to be insulted.
Thank you, good morning.
- (BEEP) - Fuck, that was brutal.
- You were listening in? Of course I was in.
I'm COO.
Oof! Are Are they for real? Would they squeeze us? - Well, obviously they could.
- Yeah, but why would they? Relax, man, it'll be fine.
Uh, no, it fuckin' necessarily won't.
OK? If this became public, we could nosedive, we could death spiral here.
Dude, I was only trying to be nice.
That was a fucking shitshow, and you handled it like a moron, - is the truth.
- Fuck off.
(CHATTER) Gents.
Uh, Greg Hirsch.
I believe I'm working here as of today.
OK, what is your job or job title? Um, job, not entirely sure, per se.
Uh I'll find out.
OK, um, I don't have anything.
I was actually personally appointed by Mr.
Logan Roy.
Um - Um - Is there anyone else, maybe? Tom? - Tom.
- Last name? Last name, uh Weird, I don't think I ever got his last Uh, T boss Tom Tom? Tom? - Hey! Hey! - Hey.
Can you help me? Can you help OK, Greg.
Greg Roy? That's the I'm actually a Hirsch.
I'm not a My mom's a Roy, but, uh, I'm basically a Roy in all all but my name.
(CHATTER) (PHONE RINGING) - JESS: Wait - I'll be two minutes.
What? No.
Shiv It has gotten weird.
OK? It has gotten very weird.
(KENDALL SIGHS) - How is he? - I don't know.
- He might have put on a sock.
- Well, that's good, right? Or he could be lying there dead.
I have no fuckin' idea.
- (PHONE BUZZES) - OK, this is It's not a good time.
She thinks that Marcia's poisoning him.
I do not.
Apparently, he doesn't want to see us.
Not including me? Why would he say that? Still pissed at you for not signing up to his corporate restructure to make Marcia queen of the castle? OK, yeah.
Maybe she's pissed.
Look, did you see him over the weekend? No.
I heard he wasn't up to seeing people.
Yeah, no one has seen him since we took him home from the hospital, like, Thursday.
I think Rome? You saw him, right? Uh, sure, yeah, for, like, five minutes.
But he was, um (GROANS) he was pretty He wasn't really him him, there were tubes and - OK, but after that? - Nope.
No one apart from Marcia has seen him for the better part of a week.
- Four days is not a week.
- OK, the majority of the week, and we're just accepting The whole world is just accepting this woman's word that he put on a fucking sock.
Look, relax, OK? I-It's a process, we don't want to rush the recovery Oh, right, because you like playing boss? That's not Please.
Can you go over there? Shiv, this is I literally have something unmissable.
OK? I'll try later.
- OK? - OK.
Is everything OK? No.
We are on the brink of total corporate collapse.
Oh, yeah.
Well, that figures.
Well, call me if you go Lehman, will you? Might want some of these chairs.
Here to help fix the Death Star.
(LAUGHS) "Grill on the exhaust vent, guys, grill on the exhaust vent.
" KAROLINA: So, my only concern would be, to brief this meeting, is it a little too aggressive for a temporary CEO? That is a good point.
Yeah, well, we've got a very aggressive drop in our share price, so I think that's appropriate, good? So brief this wide and brief it fast, OK? - OK.
- Uh, yeah.
(KENDALL CLAPPING HANDS) All right, all right! Morning, morning, morning.
Hey, hey, hey.
My people.
It's great to see you all.
You know my brother and I, CEO and COO - ROMAN: COO.
- Gerri, Karl, Karolina.
Um I'm actually gonna stand up, if that's all right.
My back is fucked.
I have a new trainer, so So, I just wanted to get the gang together early in my tenure to say, uh "Yo.
" You're probably all wondering about my dad.
He's doing OK.
(GROANS) Motherfucker.
We're hoping for a full recovery.
He's, like, a thousand percent better, though.
He's like a bull in rhino hide.
Slow and steady.
This morning he put on a sock, so That's right.
Uh, this morning he tried to put on a sock.
And welcome to Tom Wamsgans, who was managing Resorts South and Central and is now sitting up with the grownups.
- Hey.
I just want - So, what I want to announce to you all this morning is a new strategic vision.
We have a great firm here.
Parks, cruises, telecom, live entertainment, sports But at the heart, media.
TV, movies, books, newspapers.
And what we're fighting for is eyeballs, eyeballs which we convert to our customer base, eyeballs which we crate up and sell to advertisers.
Right? And bottom line, we're losing to monopolistic disruptors.
Alphabet, Facebook Internet.
Fucking game-changer, man.
- That's right, the internet.
- ROMAN: Internet.
But, uh, we are still just Just in a position to leverage our brands into something in the new landscape.
But if we don't, we're gonna be like the biggest fuckin' horse trader in Detroit, 1909.
OK? We need a more dynamic strategy.
Now, let's call it, for the sake of clarity, the Strategy of a Thousand Lifeboats.
Vaulter is a lifeboat, ATN Citizens is a lifeboat.
There are no bad lifeboats.
VR could be a lifeboat.
VR's a bubble, but yeah.
No bad ideas.
Porn could be a lifeboat.
Except that.
That's a bad lifeboat.
(LAUGHS) Hey, thanks, Rome.
Look, this isn't a brainstorm, all I'm saying, everyone's invited.
OK? I want each and every one of you to be innovating, challenging, being bold, being disruptive, bringing me new, original, multiplatform content.
Bring me more in the interactive and digital space.
Bring me franchiseable IP.
Bring me a thousand lifeboats.
Bring me a fucking armada of eyeballs.
Because steady as she goes hits the iceberg.
All right.
Thanks, everyone.
Lifeboats! Whoo! (APPLAUSE) Just had to say, that was great.
Always here if you need a friendly ear, Lord Vader.
Just get shit moving at Parks.
- Yes.
- Yeah, Tom? It's stagnant, so shake that fuckin' tree, C3PO.
(LAUGHS) Shakin' the tree.
Shakin' the tree.
(ROBOTIC VOICE) Shakin' it big time.
Uh, Fiona.
Walk with me.
Can you send flowers to Rava? Nice, but, you know, not ridiculous.
They should smell like flowers, not desperation.
Oh, and Fi, talk to Jess, I might want to throw a couple of items up on the internal.
Not a big deal, couple of TED talks.
Maybe a documentary on the Epic of Gilgamesh, I'm thinking? You know, it's the first story, archetypal quest shit.
Because what are we if not storytellers? Hey.
Talk to me.
Down three points, and there's an AP headline.
"CEO tells staff Waystar headed for iceberg.
" Not iceberg, lifeboats.
I said lifeboats, not iceberg! - Jesus! Karolina.
- That's what we're pushing.
- Push harder.
- Will do.
GERRI: I want to talk options to you, OK? I've got some thoughts I've been working on for a long time OK, I don't want the sloppy seconds, Gerri.
I'm taking five to think big.
Ken, these are modeled and thought through And rejected.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm talking a walk, I need to get some altitude on this.
I'll be back.
(ROMAN MUTTERS) (UNDOES BELT, UNZIPS) MAN: The thing about capitalism is, yeah, sure, it's got its issues, but fuck me This is a piece of shit chain on a stretch of nothing, but this this is the most delicious thing anyone's ever fucking tasted.
(MOUTH FULL) Oh, my God.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
- KENDALL: So dude, listen.
- Mm-hmm? - I could do with a read from someone without a dog in the fight.
Actually, I gotta talk to you about something, too.
This is tight.
This is absolutely just us, OK? Because a leak kills me.
This is about Rava.
- For a pal.
- Rava? Yeah, it's a mutual friend, and they want to know is it cool, or you still hankerin' for a wankerin'? (SCOFFS) I don't have time for this.
I mean, who who's asking? - What? - I can't say.
But they just want to know if it's an issue.
Like who, fuckin' Paul? Well, if you're asking, I'm assuming it's a fucking issue.
No, I mean, look, we're separated, you know? Whatever.
Free agents.
No, I get it.
I'm gonna have another.
You know, if you eat it fast enough it actually burns off the calories.
It's like a loophole.
Can I have another, please? So, listen, when I took over found out Dad took out a huge loan a decade ago.
Through the holding company.
Are you serious? Secured against the family's stake in the public firm.
Now the stock is getting ready to breach, - and the bank are - Yeah, I know, I saw the price.
It's brutal.
Who's the bank? Mm-hmm.
I'm just gonna do this.
Dude we're not at Buckley anymore.
It's fine.
So, these guys have your dick in a vise.
Thank you, Stewy.
- Mm-hmm.
- Can I have your take? Well, number one, you boost the price.
- Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
- OK.
- I'm trying.
- OK.
How's it gonna play for us to refinance? Honestly? Not great.
Why won't your original bank step up? Not good.
People don't love the sector, and they don't love the fucking firm.
It's ramshackle, is the view.
And bro, they don't love you.
It's tough.
(SQUEAKING) Ah, fuck it.
OK! I am open for business.
You know, one thing occurs.
Just blue sky, wouldn't happen in a million years, but what if we came in, took the whole thing off your family's hands? Uh, well, obviously no, fuck off, how dare you, I'm so insulted, et cetera.
Of course.
But you and Roman and Shiv, you're gonna do that thing forever? No.
You all have the chance to be fucking fucking, like, ugly petro-ruble rich.
You can do anything.
You can go into tech, Shiv can do her politics or whatever, and Roman can, you know, snort his body weight.
And you all live unhappily ever after.
Thanks, Stewy.
Just think about it.
TOM: Can I get the senior team together tomorrow for a reorientation? Shakin' the tree, folks, shakin' the tree.
Excuse me.
Greg? Are you kidding? Hey, Tom.
Forgive me, but, uh we talkin' to each other on the poop deck of a majestic schooner? Is the salty brine stinging my weather-beaten face? No? Then why the fuck are you wearing a pair of deck shoes, man? Oh Yeah No, well, my credit card got maxed out, I'm staying in a youth hostel - on, like, $80 a day - Jesus.
How squalid.
Dude, are you carrying dog shit? No No, it's, uh it's free, right? Is that cool? I mean, I don't wanna be melodramatic, but my body is growing weak due to a lack of sustenance.
But in a dog poop baggie? Yeah, I have a bunch of 'em - from back home - Greg, that's disgusting.
Not really.
It's not like they pre-poop them or something, like, it's not like They're just bags, really.
It's just a mental barrier.
A pair of cap-toe Oxfords, Crockett & Jones, ASAP.
Lucinda, can we figure out where we might put the talented Mr.
- Hey.
- Nathaniel.
- Siobhan.
- (SHIV LAUGHS) - How have you been? Uh, yeah, good.
So, is this? Work.
- OK.
Of course.
- Yeah.
- Wha What? - Work.
A little work meeting on the bed of a four-star hotel.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
How's it goin' workin' with Joyce? That tall glass of tepid water from Albany.
It's great.
How's the, uh, poor man's Fidel Castro? Senior senator from the state of 1975.
How's that workin' out for ya? Better.
Zing! (BOTH LAUGH) I wondered if you could do me a favor.
Do I owe you a favor? Yeah, 'cause I deigned to date you.
You deigned.
That's nice.
And I thought we were gonna be friends.
I wanna be friends.
I need a background check on somebody.
Well, that might cause some ethical issues.
'Cause there's a world where my guy and your gal end up in the mud wrestling for the Democratic nomination.
No, it's not political.
I need background on someone off the record.
- Uh, Marcia.
- Marcia.
- The wicked stepmother.
- Yeah.
It occurred to me a few years too late that I don't really know anything about her.
So just due diligence.
- OK? - Well, um, I know a really horrible guy who's incredibly expensive.
Yeah, that sounds great.
- All goes through you? - Yes, milady.
(CLEARS THROAT) - "Deigned.
" - Yeah.
Did you see the women I dated after you? Yeah.
They only dated you because you dated me.
They were like, "Oh, I guess he must have something.
" WOMAN ON VIDEO: Waystar diversity and harassment policy.
Waystar Royco has worked hard to develop a tolerant and respectful workplace.
The company is strongly committed to making employment decisions based on valid requirements and without regards to race, religion, national origin, ancestry, gender, gender identity, gender expression, sex preference, sexual orientation, physical or mental disability, military status, marital status, or any other status as is protected by applicable law.
Where the law requires affirmative action programs, the company will strive to comply with the provisions of those laws.
Thank you for your attention.
Welcome to your new future at Waystar Royco.
ALL: Feel it! - Hey.
Where we at? - GERRI: Hey.
- We're down two more points.
- Fuck.
Listen, Sandy Furness is here.
- What do you mean? - I mean, he's here, - in the building.
- He can't do that.
Fucking Pepsi doesn't just drop in to see Coke.
Put him where no one can see him.
South tank.
I'm right here.
Sharks are circling.
Your father would shoot him on sight.
You know, I don't need to hear what my father would do right now.
- OK? He's not here.
- Right.
- I'm gonna handle it.
- He's not here.
Furness, what a surprise.
- So kind of you to drop by.
- Oh, not at all.
I just came to say how sorry I was to hear about your dad.
Well, it's so kind of you to do it in person when you could have just called.
Thank you.
Well, I hope I didn't send the birds a-tweeting, what with all the uncertainty and whatnot.
We'll make sure people know it's just friendly.
And you'll give your dad my best, tell him I stopped by? Of course.
Maybe when that news is, uh less likely to kill him.
(LAUGHS) OK, well, thank you.
I do I appreciate this.
Oh, and just to say, if, um, I can give you any advice, I'm just watching the wheels nowadays, so if you want to run anything by me as an honest broker, use me.
A mentor.
That is a very kind offer.
Well, there's probably a million options with our two firms.
Swaps, acquisitions, cooperative interactions.
You know, smart stuff only a young man like you can conceive of.
(CHUCKLES) Well, Sandy, you've been pretty smart.
Smarter than the regulators, anyway.
Tell you what's smart: Vaulter.
I don't care what the wise apples say.
Well, uh, I've got a thing.
Hey, Jess, will you take Mr.
Furness down? Look at you.
Right in the eye of the raging storm and and cool as a cucumber.
Stay strong.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Stay in touch.
Um - Yeah.
- What happened? He said I was dead in the water without him and tried to finger-bang me.
What'd you say? Said I'd rather eat my own shit.
- Have you heard? - What? Stock's gone below 130.
(SIREN WAILS) KENDALL (SIGHS): You know sometimes you leave the party and you wonder what everyone's saying about you? With me it's usually "Who's that young Han Solo and how do I get his dick in my ass?" Like, I know what they say about me.
ROMAN: What? That.
See that? That's how much people don't like me.
Hey, that's me too.
Don't leave me out.
GERRI: The truth is, we call their bluff, which may not be a bluff, and the debt becomes public, and we lose control.
Or we get the stock up, which we can't, because we can't "magic" that, or we pay the bank back, which, I mean, to realize that much cash stock sell-down, which is horrible.
There is no good option.
- Can I suggest something? - Yeah? Can I suggest we all take our shirts off? OK.
Kendall? They can write a fucking algorithm to run this place, but that's not the answer.
That's not us.
So break shit up.
Like, just disrupt.
What are you doing? Takin' my shirt off.
That's all.
Ken, make him put his shirt on.
I don't uh, I don't - I don't fuckin' know.
I - ROMAN: Shirt off.
Shirt off.
Shirts off.
Shirts off.
How about your jacket off? Come on, man.
Yeah, all right.
All right.
That's all.
Let's go.
- OK.
- KENDALL: So worst position, we sell down the stock, we survive.
Maybe we cut a title or two from physical production, newspaper-wise.
Online only.
I like that.
That is a $20 million solution to a billion dollar problem.
Yeah, but it's the right direction of travel.
That feels right to me.
If you want stuff that works FOR THE PRICE: layoffs.
Blood! Yes! See? Shirts-off shit.
I guess it could be a package.
Layoffs, sell-offs.
GERRI: Structured retreat? Well, yeah, but with a philosophy.
- OK.
- ROMAN: Yeah.
- OK? I mean, - KENDALL: OK.
I guess we just have to ask or, you know, tell Dad.
- Finally.
- Hi.
Hey, sweetie.
(KISSES) What's up, slugger? - Hey.
- Hey.
Thanks for joining us.
Actually, I can't stay long.
Apparently goes for us, too.
Aunt Marcia won't let us see Grandpa.
- Right, kids? - Huh.
- Kendall.
How are you? - Good.
- Good.
How's he doing? Is he OK? He's improving.
He's really improving.
- Great.
- Yeah.
'Cause I should probably let him know something.
He's resting.
I'm sorry, it's not a good time.
Well, it's just when my assistant called She spoke with Joan, not me.
- Got it.
- Yeah.
Well, uh, let him know, will you, that I stopped by, wanted to talk to him, keep him abreast of moves? If you like, you can tell me, I'll pass it on.
Um will you just tell him that we're um, we're retreating, tactically.
Well, that doesn't sound right.
Not retreating, quite, but It's hard to explain.
I'm sure you're doing the right thing.
- OK, thanks.
See you soon.
- See you.
(MUSIC PLAYING) - So, Stewy? - Mm-hmm? You know how, like, everyone hates you? Well, no, that's not something I'm aware of.
Oh, sure.
They do.
Private equity, getting your meat hooks in, chiseling your profit like a vampire locust fuck.
What is this? Is this a roast? Because I have shit to do.
- I've had an idea.
- OK.
How about instead of taking us over, you give me $4 billion? I stay boss, you stop raiding shitty companies for scraps, you invest, for once, in a blue-chip corporation, one that is currently, you know, undervalued because of some unfounded concerns about its leadership, i.
, Little Lord Fuckleroy here, the story twists happy ending for all.
Oh ho ho! - OK.
Full disclosure? - Yeah.
I have a hangover.
And it's bigger than normal.
Why don't we do what we did back in the day, let's go to the bathroom, have a little sumthin'-sumthin', just knock out a few ideas, just bash 'em out.
- No.
Not for me.
- Of course.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Do you mind if I have, like, just like a taste of it? Really, dude? (SNORTING) Ooh.
- Are you done? - Uh, no.
Obviously, I don't generally take a minority stake in a public company.
Yeah, obviously, because you're a parasite.
How about for once you make things bigger? You know, with your old pal? - Are you done? - Yeah.
Well, I can't even begin to think about this.
But if I could to sell it, I'm gonna need voting stock.
As long as the family maintain control? Well, effective control.
I'm also gonna need a board seat.
Oh, I'd force it on you, dude.
For the optics.
Shit hot new CEO has some hot shit new money for investment.
New generation.
I keep the debt out of the news.
Fuckin' sisters doin' it for theyselves.
I'm not necessarily totally opposed to this notion.
That's right, and luckily I speak Stewy, and that's Stewy for "I have a fuckin' raging hard-on for this.
" Greg.
Come on, buddy.
First meeting of the senior management cadre.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, come on.
Uh, great.
Great stuff.
You know, I was lookin' through employee emails, which, by the way, is totally legal, and, uh, does my breath smell? Honestly? (BREATHES OUT) No, no.
No, I mean, it smells of breath, but You know, there's too much drift in Parks.
I'm gonna shake that tree.
I might punch-bag you a little, is that cool? Sure.
As in, like, punch Yeah.
Morning, people.
Here's a question.
Here we are, out in the Theme Park Division, (LAUGHS) but tell me this: if you could really do anything, professionally, and work anywhere, where would that be? (PHONE BUZZING) Excuse me.
Oh, no.
I'm in the middle of the first m-meeting.
Well, it's hard Connor's flying in? OK.
All right, bye.
Fuck! - You background checked her? - Yeah, no need to tell Ken.
Is that legal? You don't need to know.
Um, hey can anybody do that on anybody? OK, so, first husband, Lebanese businessman.
- TOM: Yeah, I remember.
- Right.
They had the high life in Paris, lot of parties, with pols, and writers, and also a lot of shitbags and slimeballs - and arms dealers, oil guys.
- Wow.
- And further back? - Well, further back further back is complicated.
There's no leads.
- What? - Yeah.
- Is that - Weird? Yes.
- Ominous, yes.
- Yeah.
It's apparently a little weird.
And there are two possibilities.
Either she came from kind of nowhere, Tripoli, Lebanon, turns up in Paris, age 31, a publishing assistant, and then just marries this guy.
- Fine.
- Or.
- (ELEVATOR DINGS) - Or cleanup job.
Oh! Hey, Marcia.
Great impression of a cuckoo.
Door opens, and there you are.
- Hello, everybody.
- Hi.
Yeah, hi.
This is Connor, Logan's firstborn son, you remember him? And this is Tom, my partner, and together they're over 12 feet of We Would Like To See Him, Please.
Are you trying to force entry, is that it? Oh, boy.
I thought we were just stopping by.
I usually try to avoid confrontation.
Let's all breathe.
He simply isn't up to visitors.
Is this about me signing some pieces of paper? Or Oh, please, Shiv.
(VOICE BREAKING) It's very difficult as it is.
Oh, the fuckin' waterworks? Is that it? You're gonna cry now? Please.
- (SCOFFS) - Siobhan.
I can't believe you would try and stop me seeing my father.
And I can't believe you will try against his wishes.
Can you? Hey.
How are you feeling? Uh, uhh uhh Yeah? You're looking good.
You're You look better.
(GRUNTS) So, hey, Tom and I are gonna move here, we think.
More permanently.
Less time in D.
Oh, and we're engaged.
Um, he wanted to ask you.
I love you.
I love you too.
I'm gonna go get Joan.
OK? It's It's fine.
I I'll be back.
- How is Mr.
Roy? - Yeah.
He Ohh.
Everything OK? Yeah.
He's looking better.
Morning isn't usually a good time.
You know, the morphine, he gets confused.
He doesn't like you all to see him when he's not himself.
Yeah, he wasn't himself.
- Right.
- So Shiv, I'm a private person.
Not all of us are born into good ease.
So if you want to know anything about me, just ask me, and I will tell you.
Hey, Siobhan, how's Pop? Yeah.
Yeah, no, he's good.
- OK, bye.
- He's tired.
POLK (ON SPEAKER): Good afternoon.
Thanks for making time for us, Mr.
Not at all.
We've been looking at the terms we can offer, I think you've seen what we've put together.
I have.
I have.
It's a very brutal structure.
Well, these are the terms we think we can offer right now.
I mean, I don't know, the margin you're making, you might even say you were well, I mean, "extortion" is an ugly word, but, you know, so is "buzz saw castration.
" Look, I think we should keep things professional, don't you? Uh-huh.
And professionally, we're going to repay.
- As in? - We're good.
Everything's golden.
We don't need you.
This can all stay private, and I'll be looking elsewhere for a banking partner as we go supersonic.
- Mr.
Roy - And fuck you.
(DISCONNECTS) - Have you been here? - No.
It's super-good.
I'm thinking tout le lapin "all of the rabbit.
" - All of it.
- Well, that's my question, is when they say "all of the rabbit," do they mean, like, all of the rabbit? I mean, it can't be, like, all of it.
So, is this the Stewy money we're celebrating? Because I saw the news.
Well, I wouldn't say that I'm the man, but if there were a man, hypothetically, he might look a lot like me.
Yeah, I solved the debt issue with private equity money.
- I'm very happy for you.
- Yeah.
Well the thing is, all of that, it's made me think about everything, and, um well, you know, like, here's where I'm at.
I love you.
Well, thank you.
- That's it? Come on.
- That's - "And I" - Uh, Ken.
Uh, I'm not sure that I love you.
Yeah, you do.
Fuck you.
Look, you want us to live separately, right? We don't know why right now, you say you do.
Now, that makes me unhappy.
On the other hand, you claim, and of course I don't believe you, that us being together will make you unhappy.
So one of us is going to be unhappy.
I just don't see why it has to be me.
I-I cannot argue with that logic.
No, it's, like, impenetrable logic.
It's the argument of a psychopath.
A psychopath who might, hypothetically, be the man.
- Who loves you.
- Mm-hmm.
Fuck you.
(LAUGHS) (PANTING) KENDALL: We are not breaking up.
RAVA: Yes.
We are.
I - We are not breaking up.
- Yes, we are.
- We are not.
- Yes, we are.
- No! - Yes! Yes! (BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) - We are not breaking up.
- We fucking are.
ROMAN: Good mornin'.
BREX: So, did you want to work out down here? Want me to take my car to the park, we can parkour it? Well, here's the thing, Brex.
I can't do shit, really, because my back has been fucked since Monday.
Fucked how? Well, I assume you're insured? I mean, I do big, big shit here, every day, so losing even a quarter of a percent of my operating capacity, that has million dollar implications.
So I'm thinkin' maybe a test case, I throw three or four dozen white-shoe lawyers at you and see what it would be like to actually physically destroy someone.
Dude, I don't know what happened, but I'm sure I can fix it.
(LAUGHS) Fuck you.
Oh, fuck you, dude! Jeez, look at you.
Look at your face! You're a piece of shit.
(LAUGHS) But, uh, no, I'm just sayin' you need to take this more seriously.
I have to go.
KENDALL: What about Malaya, can't she? No.
Iverson will freak out.
(SIGHS) - Hey, Rava.
- What? Why don't we just do it all? You know? Back together? Uh let's talk later? What does that mean? Hey.
(RAVA BRUSHING TEETH) That was nice, right? (SPITS) - Nevertheless.
- What? Look, I, um I I don't know.
I don't know.
Maybe it's, um, um Shit.
It's like It's like you're moving on, and maybe that makes me feel OK about moving on too.
I'm not moving on.
That's bullshit.
I got a lawyer.
He's nice.
Let's just keep this all really, really nice, OK? - (KISSES) - (SMARTPHONE CHIMES) (CHIMES) (PHONE CONTINUES CHIMING) (SIGHS) Marcia? Everything all right? MARCIA: Kendall, you father would like to see you.
(ELEVATOR DINGS) - (TV ON, INDISTINCT) - (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) MAN ON TV: a dozen troops swarmed the drugs farm from the air, descending from helicopters, while another unit entered on foot.
It's claimed the drug trafficking ring had been in existence for over three years Hey.
Look at you.
Sitting up.
Fuckin' watchin' the news.
(MUTES TV) It's good to see you, Dad.
Well you understand after you went down, the stock tanked.
I mean, you should be flattered, I guess.
(SIGHS) We had some pretty shitty options.
I mean, you took a gamble on that loan.
But I found us a private equity solution.
So I tried consulting you, but People like the shape of this.
Karolina says there's positive analyst noise.
We are at 36%, with effective control, plus a war chest to make some moves.
We're We're in good shape, Dad.
You just keep getting better.
I got this.
Dad? Hey, can I get you something? You are fuh fucking idiot.
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