Succession (2018) s03e09 Episode Script

All the Bells Say

LOGAN ROY: Mog was tired.
She was dead tired.
Her head was dead tired.
Her paws were dead tired.
Even her tail was dead tired.
Mog thought,
"I wanna sleep forever."
And so she did.
Isn't this a bit young for you?
Sometimes he still likes it.
Sometimes I still like it.
Are you all right, son?
Your dad was okay, you know?
- Yeah.
- He was okay.
Kerry, can you get me a book?
Uh-- Something with some action?
Careful now.
Talk to me.
LOGAN: Gerri!
- Where are you, Gerri?
That was actually
a perfect roll.
Yeah, Gerri!
You jump on that grenade for us.
Thanks, pal.
No. It doesn't seem right.
I don't want Tennessee Avenue.
ROMAN ROY: My turn, then.
Please be caught.
(CLICKS TONGUE) And once again,
I'm on your shit.
- Ooh, that'll be me.
- ROMAN: Hmm.
You know, I know what you tried
to do with Dad.
What? Uh-- I thought that
would've kinda
been your dream, Rome,
me fucking Gerri with your dick.
Come on, dick pickler. Pay up.
ROMAN: Seven, hey,
that was perfect.
- Hey. Get-out-of-jail-free card.
- SHIV ROY: Hmm.
Another one.
You wanna sell that?
ROMAN: Oh, waitress service.
I shall have a Cuba Libre
and a club sandwich, please.
Oh, okay. Well, let me,
uh, grab a couple of kid's menus
and I'll be right back.
ROMAN: Okay.
The service here is weird
and slow
and fucking my dad.
You still into this, Will?
You wanna take a turn
around the gardens?
Mm No, I'm good.
ROMAN: Oh, come on, Willa!
Marry him.
He's probably got, like,
ten years left in him
and then it's all gravy.
CONNOR: I do not wish
my private affairs
to become the subject
of table chat, okay?
Okay, I have to go. Can I give
my properties to Shiv?
- CONNOR: No. No!
- TOM: Why?
- You have to auction them.
The fuck are you going?
Okay, uh, the silly Forbes
profile piece.
I'm turning ATN Citizens
into a cash machine
and they wanna know
how I did it.
Well, by turning on
the bigot spigot to full gush.
Well "bigot spigot" is a little
reductive and unfair,
but anyway, goodbye.
- Bye, Tom.
- TOM: Bye-bye.
- Um Shiv
- GREG: Talk about me!
TOM: Will do.
- Shiv.
- SHIV: What?
I think you might have, um,
accidentally been cheating.
- SHIV: What? I was only stealing
so I could win.
CONNOR: Yeah, cheating's
part of it.
ROMAN: Oh, look--
Shiv, do you think
that stealing
is what good people do?
Stealing? Cheating at Monopoly?
- Come on. Hmm.
- SHIV: Oh, come on.
Okay, well,
he's here. Be nice.
Yes, I will be nice
to Kurt Cobain
of the fucking floaties.
- GREG: Hi.
He's just coming. Uh
(INHALES) He needs a minute.
We, uh We appreciate
what you did.
It was nothing.
ROMAN: Sure.
But, hey, you know,
if you find him
in the pool again,
there's a C-note in it for you
to just let him sink, okay?
"Too soon," said the room.
He's basically fine, they just
kept him overnight to
I don't know why, actually,
'cause I don't speak Italian,
no media pick-up,
so, all good.
Good. Good.
- ROMAN: Jesus.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.
- Kenny.
- Hey!
- What's up, Ken?
- Hey.
- GREG: Hey.
- CONNOR: You okay, brother?
Let's-- Let's just not make
a whole song and dance, okay?
Well, I think we will
make a song and dance.
- You nearly drowned, Ken.
- SHIV: Oh.
No, he just fell off an air bed.
- He's fine.
- One too many limoncellos.
- No biggie.
- CONNOR: Yeah?
Okay. I'm just gonna
grab my kids, I guess, uh
Uh-- They can stay here,
I'm sure, tonight,
if it's easier.
- I'm not leaving them with him.
- ROMAN: All right, then.
I guess we'll see you
at the royal wedding then.
I might need to get home.
I'm talking to new lawyers.
New lawyers?
Like, new new lawyers?
Yeah. Well, I can't really say,
but, yeah,
just so you know, uh,
we're Yeah, we're discussing
putting everything,
like all the papers
and all my communications
for the last five years,
up on my Insta.
SHIV: On Insta?
- Ken.
And, uh, Comfrey,
Vanity Fair might be doing
a big thing with me.
- The whole thing, so
- COMFREY: Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I don't know, whatever.
I'm ready to
I'm just-- I'm ready
to really get into it all.
But, uh
(INHALES) Yeah, thanks for
Thanks. Okay, kids, let's go!
(SCREAMS) Let's go!
SHIV: They're coming.
GREG: All right, man.
- CONNOR: Later.
- GREG: Yeah.
seems good?
ROMAN: Oh, man.
We have been talking to--
to Vanity Fair,
but it's-- it's mostly us
calling them.
ROMAN: Hey, Dad!
You good? We good?
Uh-- Do you want me
on that call?
- No.
- ROMAN: Okay.
Go on, Karl. What?
DOJ is gonna likely hit us
with an historic fine.
GoJo's market cap
has overtaken ours.
Okay, yeah, but that-- that was
already happening, so
GoJo's board may be considering
entertaining other options.
- SHIV: What-- What?
- Yeah.
What the fuck? Okay, well,
is he gonna pull the plug?
Or is GoJo--
Rome, do you know?
He swallowed the merger,
but I don't know how much more
he can fucking eat.
Okay, don't get
all sweaty, Betty.
I'm gonna figure it out,
and I'll drop you
an email, okay?
- SHIV: Thanks.
- LOGAN: I'm gonna see Matsson,
get inside this.
Do you want me
to come with you, Dad?
No. Stay here
and play with your dick.
Uh-- I can come with you, Dad.
- It's not a--
- Oh, no, no, no. I'm kidding,
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
No, come on, Tumbledown.
He's your pal.
Let's go see
Hans Christian Anderfuck
and see if he's been telling us
fucking fairy tales.
You okay?
Good-looking woman, huh?
So, what is it, son?
Are you scared of pussy?
Is it all screens or up the ass
with you or what?
Jesus, no, God, Dad,
can we not--
It's-- That was just
being horrible, it's good.
- It's all good.
- Yeah. Well, it's just fucking.
If you need to
get straightened out,
get straightened out.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
I don't wanna know.
finally meet you in person, sir.
LOGAN: Likewise.
Thank you for coming.
LOGAN: Not at all.
So, what do you think?
Are we doing
this fucking merger or not?
Wow. Just, uh,
straight in there, huh?
LOGAN: Oh, yeah, well,
you know, I'm old.
(CHUCKLES) What do you want?
A bit of, "Oh, what a
nice house you got here."
No, I like it.
I get bored easily.
LOGAN: Yeah,
everything is boring, isn't it?
Yeah, everything
is pretty fucking boring.
Except this.
- Yeah, you got me interested.
- LOGAN: How interested?
Look, I don't wanna fuck around
forever with this.
I mean, I've seen
how your price is,
and I understand that your board
is looking at all the options,
but if we stay tight,
this can work.
shall we dance or what?
- Do you wanna sit down? Yeah.
- LOGAN: Uh-- Sure.
Uh, Zuckerberg once--
- Do you know Mark, by the way?
- Uh-huh.
Well, he once told me that, um,
in ancient Rome, at one point,
they wanted to make
all the slaves wear something
so they could identify them.
- Uh-huh.
- It's just up here.
Um Like a
What do you call these things?
Like a cloak or whatever.
But then they
decided not to do it.
- And do you know why?
- LOGAN: Hmm?
Because they realized if all
the slaves dressed the same,
they would see
how many of them there were,
and they'd rise up
and kill their masters.
Yeah, we don't,
we don't love Mark.
So what? Does he have
a kid in Malaysia
reading history for him now?
(CHUCKLES) I don't know.
But the point is,
if-- if we wanna survive,
you and I, then
we need a hell of a lot
of little folks
running around shitting us data,
you know, for the eyeballs,
for the revenue, for the scale.
No offense, but I don't think
you have the technology
or the orientation to get there.
And you don't have the content.
Well, maybe not, but
we're flying
like a fucking rocket ship,
and you're sinking like
a lead balloon.
What's your churn like?
Yeah, we hear you have problems
with binge and burn.
We got the good stuff.
Sure, sure, some of your content
is pretty cool, I guess, but
business-wise, it's time
for you to beef up or sell out.
A-- And you can't become
a tech player
because you and your business
are just too fucking old.
Whoa, he is in great shape.
You know who he's fucking?
I don't wanna be rude
because you're a legend.
Honestly, you're
fucking bulletproof.
Tank man.
So, you want me to come
in your sauna
and tell you
what a pretty pecker you got?
I'm just really excited
about the future.
So am I.
Yeah, but
are you? Really?
Well, that's something
you say, isn't it? (CHUCKLES)
No, but I am excited.
I don't know. (INHALES DEEPLY)
When I arrived,
there were these gentle giants
smelling of fucking gold
and milk.
They could do anything.
Now look at them.
Fat as fuck,
scrawny on meth or yoga.
They pissed it all away.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Go on. Talk to me.
Well, I think we fit.
Your company and mine.
(INHALES SHARPLY) But, you know,
the street loves us. We're
We're a strong buy.
We're up
and we're staying there.
And you, you have this, uh
this fine
and all this other bullshit.
You're hurt
or maybe you're tired.
So, I make sense
as the person to take over.
Now, if-- if that's an option,
if that's something
you would consider,
then let's talk.
But if you wanna tell me
to go fuck myself,
tell me to go fuck myself.
You're not fucking serious.
LUKAS: I would make everything
nice for you.
I could pay you out,
or if you want
control inside or outside
of the assets you love,
that's cool.
I would want you
to maintain prestige.
I'm not about making you small.
But you'd rule the roost.
It would be your board.
But I would structure it
so fucking nice for you.
I notice you're not
punching me in the nose.
- ROMAN: Dad?
- LOGAN: Ah, it's okay, son.
- I don't know.
- LUKAS: What are you thinking?
(HESITATES) I'm not telling you
what I'm fucking thinking.
LUKAS: Well, I know
what you're fucking thinking.
You're thinking every bit
of me wants to tell this
slab of gravlax
to go fuck himself,
except for the bit that knows
that every word he says is true.
I don't know,
I'm not sure I can swallow this.
If this is a family thing,
I get it.
I-- I-- appreciate the anxiety.
And in terms of your son,
he would be essential to the
integration process.
One hundred percent crucial.
Key element,
the face of the family.
As for the rest,
your top team,
I-- I'd be happy to assess each
according to their abilities.
This is not happening.
No, I see that. Understood.
It was worth asking, huh?
But listen, do you wanna
Do you wanna
stick around for a bit?
We can see if the old deal
has a shape,
side snacks, maybe.
You have that Israeli
AI operation
I might be interested in.
An asset swap sort of thing.
- Why not?
- LUKAS: Cool.
Roman. Uh
You'd better get back.
You know, your mom and all
her brouhaha for tomorrow.
All right, yeah, sure thing,
sure thing.
Don't wanna miss
the old nuptials.
Wait, but yeah? You want
Well, yeah, my mom's getting
remarried to a bowl of porridge
and it's all terribly moving,
so I should probably
But thank you.
- See you over there, Pop.
- LOGAN: Mm.
Excuse me for one second.
- SHIV: Hey! So?
- ROMAN: Hey.
So? How was the Monopoly?
Did you have to pay
some income tax
for the novelty value?
- Merger of equals?
- Merger of equals?
SHIV: Well, is it happening
or not? Rome?
Um-- I was not alerted
to this merger of equals
Mattson wants to de-platform
guys like me,
round up the maverick thinkers
into his digital gulag.
Um-- If you don't mind,
I'm a little bit churned up
about my big brother,
so I can't really think about
that shit right now.
Talk about it later.
- Hey.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- So, what is this?
- Just take a seat.
CONNOR: Come on.
(SCOFFS) Okay.
we just wanted to get together
to let you know
that we love you.
(SCOFFS) What?
- SHIV: Right?
- I love you straight up.
I mean, I suppose
I don't want you to die, so
What is this? What's the angle?
CONNOR: No angle.
We're worried that you
consciously or subconsciously
tried to (CLICKS TONGUE)
Are you trying to shut me down?
Um-- You kind of tried
to kill yourself, dude,
and that's not cool.
- I fell off an inflatable.
- ROMAN: Okay.
Is this an intervention?
Why do you get to do
an intervention on me?
Well, you need an intervention.
You need an intervention,
you need an intervention.
Yeah, totally, yeah, yeah,
but you're kind of the top
of the pile right now.
We'll do me tomorrow. Yeah?
Yeah, suicides jump the line.
- I fell off my fucking floatie.
- SHIV: You're an addict.
You're addicted to booze
and to drugs
and relationships and sex
and work and the family drama.
No, sorry, no, I mean,
look-- look who's fucking here.
I-- I-- I don't see it.
You, you don't have
any standing.
So, listen, you guys can take
this little committee
of public fucking safety
and fuck off.
You need to stop
trying to kill Pop.
Okay? You're selfish,
you're self- centered--
- Connor, can-- Just--
- CONNOR: What?
- Just
I'm not allowed
to say my piece?
- ROMAN: No, you can, just
- No, it's
Let me lead, yeah?
KENDALL: Okay. Okay, look.
I hear you.
But I just-- I-- I feel
everything I've done
has been with good intentions,
and I-- I do think
this is actually about
all of you and your shit
more than me.
It-- It sounds like I'm--
I'm-- I'm
being defensive, but I'm not.
I'm-- I'm-- I'm saying
I'm hearing you.
But it's like,
do you have any idea
how it feels
as the eldest son
to be
you know, promised something
and then
you know
- just have it taken?
- Yeah.
- Sure, man.
- I'm the eldest son.
What was that?
I am the eldest son.
Well, yeah, obviously, Con,
but you know what he means.
(SHOUTS) I am the eldest son!
And no one told me
about this fucking merger
of fucking equals.
And what if I wanna take over?
- Because I am the eldest son!
- ROMAN: All right.
Eas-- Easy, Con.
- SHIV: Let's-- Okay. Okay.
- I'm the eldest son!
I'm the eldest son!
And I must be considered,
and I need to be taken
into account.
Con, we're--
we're talking about
- what I actually lost.
- CONNOR: Shut up.
What, you're hurt?
I didn't see Pop
for three years,
but your spoon wasn't
shiny enough,
Well, it is not all about you.
- I thought you loved me.
- CONNOR: Asshole!
I do love you.
I love all three of you pricks,
but what do I get
from you chumps
but chump change?
Fucking chump change.
Well, fuck you.
I'm here for your mom's wedding,
and I proposed to my fiancée.
And no one
has said congratulations.
No one.
But I am
the eldest son of our father.
I am.
I am.
ROMAN: He is him.
CONNOR: Fuck off!
No, no, it's the other one.
It's coming,
it's coming for you.
- You okay, Con?
- CONNOR: Yeah, yeah.
Just a little tired.
Sorry about the tossing
and turning,
I just couldn't get
the AC right, you know?
The AC. Yeah. Sure.
Plus, my family hates me.
I'm gonna lose ATN
to a goddamn Swede,
so my campaign is fucked,
and you're gonna leave me.
And I love you.
So, yeah.
Yeah, that and the AC.
Come on!
- Con?
- What?
You're a nice man.
Right. Thanks.
You know what?
Fuck it.
- Fuck it?
- WILLA: Fuck it.
As-- As in?
Fuck it!
Come on. How bad can it be?
- Really?
- Yeah, why not?
You know, we'll have fun.
Fuck it, right?
Right? (GIGGLES)
- Hell yeah.
Fuck it!
- ASSISTANT: That's your car.
- CONNOR: Fuck it, huh?
- WILLA: Fuck it!
(SHOUTS) Fuck it forever!
- Hi.
How you doing?
How's the Wi-Fi?
Uh-- I sacrificed a few goats,
so it seems to be working.
Great. Rural Tuscany,
real business hub.
How are his spirits?
Like his, uh
How's his blood sugar?
Yeah. He's amazing, as always.
Oh, yeah, of course.
Powerhouse. Remarkable.
SHIV: Have you seen Dad?
- ROMAN: Hmm?
- SHIV: Is he coming?
SHIV: Is Dad coming, Rome?
Do you know?
- Is the deal good?
- Yeah. All will be revealed.
- All will be revealed.
The fuck does that mean?
Who made you the Wizard of Fuck?
SHIV: You don't know
jack shit, do you?
Do you not think
one last check with Mom?
Rome, we're about to go in.
Right. It's just I don't know
if he's, you know, a hernia.
- SHIV: Hey, Peter.
- ROMAN: Hi.
- SHIV: Yeah.
- ROMAN: Good luck.
SHIV: You're not sure
if he's the one?
I'm worried about the prenup,
She has a prenup.
- She had her-- Yes!
- She does?
She had her lawyer look at it
because she wants to keep the--
the London flat that
Dad gave her.
ROMAN: Well,
what if he poisons her?
What if he pushes her
down the stairs
to get this flat he so desires?
Oh, yeah. And what if, worse,
he fucks her with his dick?
Fucks her so good that she dies?
ROMAN: How you doing, children?
- GREG: Oh-- Oh, Tom.
- TOM: Hey, Greg.
Do you mind chatting
with Comfrey?
I wanna check in
on the princess.
TOM: "The princess" now?
I thought she was a contessa.
Yeah, but I guess
through her dad,
she's, like, eighth in line
for the throne of Luxembourg?
Eighth in line?
Greg, you marry her,
you're a plane crash away
from becoming
Europe's weirdest king!
Don't be silly.
Dude, you off
a couple of hemophiliacs
and you'll be
the king of Luxembourg.
You'd sound like a fancy cookie.
It's actually a Grand Duchy.
It's something to do
with the Congress of Vienna.
It's, I guess,
really complicated.
She doesn't like
to talk about it,
although we do talk about it
quite a bit.
Oh, see. Now?
- Roman!
- Get in there, Greg.
If Roman marries her,
he'll invade France.
Hold on.
Yeah, yeah.
- I'll send your regrets.
- Hmm.
Kerry, I won't eat down there,
I will take my omelet
in my room, on my return.
- Of course. I'll let them know.
- Thank you.
Sorry. Sorry.
I didn't delay things, did I?
No worries, Kendall.
- We're just missing a couple
of people, actually.
- Good of you to come.
- PETER: You don't know where,
- KENDALL: Sorry.
- You don't know where, uh
- Peter, I think you'd better
face it
that Logan is not gonna make it.
You might have to just make do
with me. Sorry.
- How about that?
- Can you bear it?
- Of course.
- Hey.
- Hmm?
- Rome.
- Yeah?
- I have an idea.
- Mm-hmm?
When they come past, you should
tell Mom that you love her.
Yeah, fuck off.
No, how romantic would it be?
Imagine that, if you could
marry Mommy
- on her wedding day?
- ROMAN: Yeah, yeah.
Or tell them a reason
that they can't be married.
Because she's the only one
who makes her son's
pee-pee go boom boom.
OFFICIANT: Welcome family,
friends, and loved ones.
We are gathered here today
in the face of this company
for the wedding
of Peter Timothy Munga Munion
and Caroline Alexandra Helena
St. John Collingwood.
- Oh, she's really feeling it,
- I love weddings.
- Me, too.
OFFICIANT: the formal
commitment they make
to one another
- Jesus, what is she on?
- Yeah.
- Fucking kill me now.
SHIV: Okay. Uh-- Hi.
Uh-- My mom has (CHUCKLES)
has asked me
to say a few words.
Just a second.
And the first words
that came to mind were, uh,
"Shit." "No." "What?" "Bitch."
And, uh
other words
like "totally" and "unprepared."
- SHIV: Right.
So, what can I say about my mom?
she's been a constant
in my life.
Constant pain in the
- But I love her anyway
which I guess
is testament to
what a remarkable and
complicated and interesting
person that she is.
And I have no doubt, Peter,
that you will never be bored
in the brief time
that you're married.
But in all seriousness,
there's no one like my mom.
And you're a lucky guy.
And I am jealous of the time
that you get to spend with her.
I hope that your marriage
is as rich and happy, rewarding,
and fulfilling as mine.
So, here's to, uh, the bride
and groom.
- The bride and groom!
- GUESTS: The bride and groom!
SHIV: Do you think, uh
Do you think
she knows something?
- ROMAN: Mm.
- SHIV: I mean
what if it's all fallen apart?
Yeah? Dad's back,
- so why isn't he here?
- ROMAN: Oh, relax.
It's, uh-- It's cool beans.
Cool beans?
Since when do you say
"cool beans"?
You don't have
a fucking clue, do you?
- ROMAN: Hmm. Hmm.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey.
- ROMAN: Hi.
Hey, uh, listen,
I think we should, uh,
- say sorry for--
- CONNOR: No, doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
- Forget about it.
- ROMAN: Mm-hmm. Forgotten.
- CONNOR: Okay.
- SHIV: Yeah.
So, guess who's gonna
get married
to the greatest gal
in the world. (LAUGHS)
- ROMAN: No.
- Oh. She said yes?
Wow, you finally
ground her down, huh?
Congrats, man.
Yeah. And, um, also,
Willa's been talking to Kerry.
Yeah. She know where Dad is?
Uh-uh, she's sandbagging,
but do you know what this is?
That is another dried penis
from one of the great men
of history, correct?
No. Maca root.
For Dad's smoothie.
SHIV: Mm-hmm?
Why is Kerry sandbagging?
He's working on his baby batter.
- What's that?
- Maca root. Almond butter.
Dad's putting together
a more adhesive
and potent gloop.
Working on his fucking--
- his jism? Are you--
- CONNOR: Yes!
- Are you fucking
with me right now?
- SHIV: What?
- Look at all the walnuts
he's been munching.
He's gonna be rocking sperms
like a little catfish.
- Oh, my fuck.
- Dad's scrambling the fighters.
- CONNOR: Yeah.
- With Maca root.
- No. Fucking-- Come on.
Not good. No, you don't
tangle with the root
unless you're firing up
the siege engines.
- ROMAN: Uh.
- Jesus.
- I feel ill.
- CONNOR: Do you?
I guess he really doesn't rate
you guys, huh?
- Thanks.
- CONNOR: Anyway,
- thought I'd tell ya.
- Thank you. Appreciate it.
Okay. Well, we need a plan
to kill this baby.
SHIV: Uh Yeah.
Wow. Finally, you found
a worthy adversary.
Hey. What's going on?
Uh Nothing.
Just Dad cranking up
the trebuchet.
- TOM: What?
- Trying for a baby.
- What?
- Mm.
Maybe that's what
he's doing right now.
ROMAN: Yeah. Maybe.
He's in the spawn chamber,
issuing his hell seed.
Sure. I could see it.
Well, maybe we should
get cracking? Space race?
What? You two?
- Should we say?
- No, no, no, no, no.
- I know for a fact
- SHIV: Babe, stop.
that she cannot get pregnant.
Because if she could,
she would have--
That would've happened by now.
She has had a lot of sex
with a lot of men.
We may be freezing.
- Oh, you may be freezing?
- Yeah.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
You know why
she's making you wait, right?
She's gonna make you carry it.
- TOM: Uh-huh. Very funny.
- Yeah.
You're gonna have to poop out
your own baby
and then squeeze
your little Tommy tits
for man milk.
-(LAUGHS) Okay. Thank you very--
I just heard
that Larry Vansitart's PJ
landed at La Dante
and that he's headed
to Lake Maggiore.
- SHIV: What?
- Yeah.
SHIV: Larry Vansitart?
With Matsson?
That means financing.
Why would Matsson--
Yeah. Why would Matsson need
financing for an all-stock deal?
I'm trying to get a fix.
And Greg has been contacted
by some assistants.
- Greg has?
- TOM: Greg.
Yeah. So let's split up
and pool, okay?
- Okay. All right.
- Rome?
- ROMAN: Yeah?
- You're supposed to be
inside track on this.
This could be any
number of things.
I think it's fine.
I'm gonna hit Kerry. Could you,
um, talk to Marcia, maybe?
Yeah. Sure. I'll scale the
north face of the fucking Eiger.
Jesus fuck.
I mean, I guess
I tried to feel better
by giving a lot of money to
- environmental charities.
- Oh, yeah?
Which-- Or, like, to--
to-- Not Greenpeace?
No. Friends of the Earth.
Okay. Oh, yeah,
that's a good one.
- Mm-hmm.
- No, I, uh--
I have some beef
with Greenpeace.
Uh-- Long story,
but they're bad.
Yeah. One guy in Greenland
just cashing checks
and eating penguins
and stomping cigarettes out
on glaciers.
Feel free to cut him down dead,
by the way.
We are actually having
an interesting talk.
Yeah, I'm sure you are.
He's what's called in our land
an irrelevant pauper,
and you don't need to listen
- to the pauper.
It's not for your royal ears.
- No. No. No. De no.
- ROMAN: No-de-no?
No-de-no, my friend.
- He's widely known, uh
- I'm widely known?
I think you'd agree, Roman,
that you're s-- a self-admitted,
Sorry, I don't know how
you'd say this in your language,
but, uh-- but a, uh uh
a sexual pervert.
- CONTESSA: You're an
- GREG: Right?
-interesting family.
- ROMAN: Mm-hmm.
Funny guy.
All jokes aside,
uh, I heard that you may have
been getting some tremors
on the assistant loop.
This true?
Yeah. Uh
A call went out on LackeySlack
because there are a number
of advisors
in town from LionTree,
And they don't like
the feel of the
hard Italian pillows?
So-- But that's a--
It's a private chat, so--
Yeah, shut up, all right.
Thank you.
- Hey. Excuse me. Uh
- KERRY: Hey.
What did you say
to Gerri just now?
Um Nothing.
And, uh, why are you lying?
Did he tell you to lie?
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Are you trying to have
a baby with my Dad?
Because that's
an incredibly stupid idea.
- Hey.
- It'll be born old,
attached to a walker.
So, uh, there's a bunch of new
M&A advisors in Chianciano.
And I think Karl and Frank
are in Europe.
Uh-- What the fuck, Rome?
What is--
Are we being fucked?
- ROMAN: Mm-hmm.
- Karl?
Euro ring.
Hey, Karl, how you doing?
Where are you, man?
At the office? In your office?
Great, well, I'll leave you
to get on with your office job,
then, you motherfucker.
- Marcia? Anything?
- SHIV: Uh-- No.
She's throwing out bullshit.
Did you see Gerri?
- What the fuck. Before?
- ROMAN: Uh-huh. Yeah.
- This is ugly, Rome.
- Mm-hmm.
- Um-- So
- SHIV: What?
I should probably say,
in terms of the meeting, um,
Matsson did float,
ju-- as an idea,
that maybe they'd buy us.
And what did Dad say?
Mm-hmm? But he stuck around?
He stuck around, yeah.
Jesus Christ.
- Why the fuck
didn't you tell me this earlier?
- Yeah.
Hey. Hey, Ken.
Uh-- We might need to talk.
Company stuff.
I don't-- I'm not interested,
Okay. Yeah, sure.
But this is fucking important,
Five minutes, please.
Just-- We need your line
to Frank or Stewy maybe.
Kendall, I wouldn't ask you
if it wasn't important.
Come on.
Hurry the fuck up!
Okay. Well, Dad
is doing us dirty, right?
Can you not make it a thing
right away, okay?
We actually don't--
We don't know yet.
Matsson pitched to Dad the idea
of them eating us,
but I think
he was flying a kite.
Dad kind of shut it down.
Okay, he "kind of" shut it down?
Because a moment ago,
he told him to fuck off!
Okay. Well, I didn't keep track
of the exact number
of expletives he used,
Siobhan, okay?
I'm not a fuckometer.
Okay, well, look,
Larry Vansitart
is in Switzerland with Matsson,
so he's looking for financing.
Dad is huddled
with Karl and Frank.
- ROMAN: Mm-hmm?
- Our market caps have tipped.
The local town's been bought out
by a new set of advisors.
Something has flipped!
Yeah. Yeah. But
Dad would never sell, would he?
Hey, asshole,
Dad would never sell, right?
- I don't know.
- SHIV: I mean, would he?
And if he did, would we get--
I don't know, uh
Would we get fucking protection?
Can you guys just do this
without me?
Yeah? I ca-- I--
I don't wanna get into it.
Wait a minute, Ken. (LAUGHS)
I'm sorry. Ken?
Do you have an angle on this?
Are you speaking with Matsson?
Uh-- Laird has called me,
so what's that?
- ROMAN: Shit.
Ken? (SIGHS) Can we talk?
Shiv, I'm not here.
Hey, buddy.
Hey. You okay?
There's something really wrong
with me, Shiv. (INHALES)
I don't know what the fuck
is wrong with me.
Well, it's okay. It's
KENDALL: I'm-- I'm just, uh--
I'm not feeling
very connected
to my children
or my endeavors right now.
And, uh, I can't get one thing
right with another, you know?
Uh, I'm-- I'm
I don't know what happened.
I tried to do something.
I tr-- I-- I really-- I tried
ROMAN: I know, man.
- I know, you fucked it.
Fuck you.
That's what happened, yeah.
KENDALL: I took a shot.
(INHALES) But it's like
- it didn't matter. But
- It's just business, okay?
we're all fucked.
Everything just sort of got
mixed up.
I thought I had an out.
I could see it, I could
(SIGHS) I could see
the way markers
and I thought I could--
Out of all our shit,
I thought I
I thought I could
take us all out if it. I
I did-- I did try.
But I don't know.
I'm not a good person.
Well, whatever, you're fine.
I'm-- I'm bad.
Come on.
Lighten up, glum-glum.
I killed a kid. (INHALES DEEPLY)
- ROMAN: Hmm?
- What? (CHUCKLES)
- What?
- I killed a kid.
yeah, they're--
they're coming for me.
They're gonna come for me.
Is this
Uh-- Is this real?
What the fuck?
- At your wedding.
- SHIV: What?
Horse shit.
The kid.
That kid.
Uh-- You mean the
waiter kid? The
I was high,
and I was looking for
to score and I was drunk,
I was fucked up, and I drove.
And he saw something
and he snatched at the wheel,
and we went into the water.
I left him in there and ran.
- Okay. Uh
Let's-- We gotta get you--
Come on.
It's fucking lonely.
(SOBS) I'm all apart.
I mean, if it pleases
the court
it sounds
like you didn't kill him.
It sounds to me like
he killed him.
Rome, I'm a piece of shit, man.
the road and the water
killed him?
That's what it sounds like.
Nah, man. Don't.
ROMAN: No, seriously. I mean,
you crashed, and then what?
You did-- You ran?
I mean
I tried to get him.
You did? Okay. See?
I-- I dived a few times.
This sounds like the story
of a hero to me.
I would've been
straight out of there.
Serious, I would've been out
of that water like a
-tabby cat out of a bath.
Don't, man.
Don't, man,
I'm a-- I'm a killer.
(SCOFFS) Fuck you.
Bullshit. Come on.
At worst, you're
you're an irresponsibler, okay?
You're bigging yourself up.
I don't know, you guys.
I don't know.
I'm blown into a million pieces.
SHIV: Okay, we gotta
get you out of here.
What-- Where do we go?
Bring him back to the chapel,
stuff him in a confessional?
That'll fix it.
- SHIV: Ah
Oh, shit.
Oh. Laird's called me back.
- Oh, yeah?
- Uh-- Yeah. Just one minute.
- Oh, yeah?
- SHIV: Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. Take that call.
Leave me here
with all the feelings.
Thank you.
SHIV: Hey, Laird.
Go on. What's up?
I mean, who hasn't clipped
the odd kid
- with a Porsche, am I right?
I mean, it's like a rite
of passage.
I've killed a kid too, big deal.
- You've killed a kid, right?
- Uh-- Yeah.
Man, you fucked my wedding
in so many ways.
(WHISPERS) I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You know, one waiter down,
that makes sense. It
took me forever to get
a fucking drink at her wedding.
- Please, man.
- Okay, yeah.
I ca-- I can't
You're right. I'm a--
I guess I'm just trying
to say, like,
who's the real victim here?
I waited three quarters
of an hour for a gin and tonic.
Uh Okay.
say this, Ken, but confirmed.
Laird is inside the deal,
but he's been cucked out
of the lead, so he's bitter
and bleating.
GoJo buys Waystar.
They pay a premium,
Dad cashes out,
cash and stock,
and he keeps maybe a title,
uh, but (HESITATES)
and takes a few assets,
but it's Matsson's
fucking board.
Can we trust that?
Is that real?
SHIV: Kendall, I know
this isn't ideal,
but we have to talk
about this now.
Look, I'll call the car.
Let's just get the fuck
out of here.
Where do you wanna wait?
KENDALL: Uh-- Can I--
Can I be with you guys?
- SHIV: Yeah. Of course.
SHIV: Okay, so
we gotta go stop this.
- Mm-hmm.
- ROMAN: What the fuck?
So, we go see him,
and we tell him
we just won't have it, right?
SHIV: Rome.
ROMAN: Okay.
This is rumors,
so I will need to talk to him
directly, just me.
Do you think
you're close to him?
You're just
his little rat fucker.
I'm just saying,
as a matter of fact,
that Dad and I have been
working closely lately
and I don't wanna
go in too aggressive.
I'm not busting in there
crying "Team Shiv," okay?
We don't know how this
is gonna play out just yet.
You think dad is protecting you?
No. We let Matsson take control,
that is Dad slamming the door.
It means that he doesn't ever
think that we will,
can, or should take over.
I just don't think
we should be aggressive.
I mean, can we even
actually stop him?
A change of control
needs a super majority
in the holding company.
Mom got us that in the divorce.
He'd need us on board.
Right. Well
I'm not sure I wanna
pull out a move like that.
Maybe I just stick
with what I got.
Which is what?
- Hard drive full of dick pics?
- ROMAN: Nice.
Which is
I think with dad
pulling the strings
Where do you think we fit
on Matsson's new org chart,
He'll Romanov you and take you
to the cellar and that's that.
Rome, you know dad is never
gonna choose you
because he thinks there's
something wrong with you.
I'm sorry, but
maybe it's time that we said
these things to each other
instead of just talking it
all out to Vanity Fair.
And the holding company move.
If we do that, that's real?
He can't sanction a deal
without us,
that's legal fact.
Block him and he's fucked.
Okay, so
time to rip off the Band-Aid.
We just-- We push him out.
We get him on his own,
and we say "urinary tract,"
we say "shareholder meeting."
Right, he nearly fucking
croaked at Josh's.
Yeah, he's out of it.
He's fucking a 20-year-old
and he's planning
for babies in jars.
You know, he's gone loopy,
and he-- he's tried
to sell the shop.
So, I mean, even just
fucking his assistant.
We tell the board that,
he's toast.
We push him out.
Full coup.
SHIV: Yeah. Slide him out.
Say Ken, chair?
You or me, Rome, CEO?
And the other one takes
whatever they want,
like studio, movies, TV
The streamer, but,
you know, equal.
Okay, but really equal.
Really equal.
If we do this,
I don't want you two cunts
trying to big-brother me
out of my fucking piece, okay?
No, we can fight it out.
It'll-- It'll be fun. (CHUCKLES)
That will be fun. (CHUCKLES)
We fucking take Mussolini away
in a van to the hospital
take over the radio stations.
Oh, fuck.
(INHALES) I do think that,
even though this literally
makes me wanna vomit
and I wanna kill you both
every day
and it's all gonna end horribly,
I do think that we
could make
a pretty good team.
So, how do we feel
about killing Dad?
Mixed feelings?
- Pass me the fucking shotgun.
- SHIV: Okay.
Rome, you in?
Okay. Fuck. Okay.
Well, Con, this is me
layering you in.
But I can't talk about this
right now
because it's complicated
and I don't have time.
And also you're
a little bit slow.
Yeah, thanks for talking.
I just wanna triple-check
the holding company
by-law shit.
We have a weapon:
veto on the change of control.
It's from the divorce,
so stop that,
and the deal collapses,
he's impotent.
We're gonna force him out.
Fuck, okay. Uh-huh.
And where do I fit in, Shiv?
Well, high up, Tom,
I don't know. It--
(HESITATES) We'll figure it out,
though. There's a lot going on.
No, sure, sure, okay.
Uh-- But-- But-- But--
But, uh, high?
But, Tom, once we do it,
right away,
we're gonna offer him
the medical card,
secure the imperial guard,
tell him that he needs
to take some rest,
and, sourced to us kids,
we'll get ATN to confirm.
Say like, uh,
"Founder Logan Roy Ailing,"
uh, "Prayers for the big man.
Thinking of taking
a step back".
So, we can cite you as sources?
- Yeah?
- Yeah. And we'll stand it up.
Get ready, okay?
Jesus. Okay.
Good luck.
- Bye.
- SHIV: Mm-hmm.
- KENDALL: He's in?
- Yeah.
Hey, Tommy.
- Hey.
- GREG: Hey.
TOM: Hey.
Say hello to someone
who could be Logan's ex-wife's
and heir apparent
to the Grand Duchy
of Luxembourg.
Twelve times removed
or some shit.
And potential count of somewhere
and legitimate claimant
to the dormant throne of Italy.
What, Greg?
Me and the contessa.
We're hitting it off.
She's having
an existential crisis
about her personal branding
and I'm right in there
to wheedle away.
What about
- GREG: Comfrey?
- Yeah.
Comfrey might be helping her
refresh her personal branding.
And I-- I don't actually think
she's that into me.
We're separate-bedding.
It's a guilt-free switch-up.
Case closed.
Slam it shut.
The verdict is love, Your Honor.
Greg, listen.
What's up?
things may be in motion.
As in
- Is anyone going to jail?
No. So, um
do you wanna come with me?
Can I ask
for a little more information?
Don't think so.
I might need you
as my attack dog.
- GREG: Right.
- Like, um, a Greg-weiler.
- GREG: Hmm.
Tom's attack dog.
Uh-- I mean,
I have Brightstar Buffalo
in my hip pocket,
I'm kind of a big deal, so
You fucked yourself
before congress, Greg.
That-- That's your opinion.
(MOCKINGLY) "I don't recall,
Your Honor, I don't recall--"
You're a fucking joke, man.
Who has ever looked after you
in this fucking family, huh?
All right, uh, well,
in terms of
where I could be
getting to
if I were to come with?
You could be heading away
from the endless middle
and towards
the bottom of the top.
The bottom of the top?
Um-- Could I get my own
my own, like--
- Your own Greg?
- GREG: Yeah.
You can have 20.
Listen, I-- I have things to do.
Do you want a deal
with the devil?
What am I gonna do
with a soul anyways?
- Souls are boring.
- Boo, souls.
Of course.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- All right.
- All right.
ROMAN: Maybe he's napping.
SHIV: Yeah, then worse
to wake him up.
- We're good?
- Yeah, yeah.
I'm good. You good, Rome?
You can handle this?
Been basically planning it
since we were four.
What if dad flutters
his eyelids at you, Rome?
You gonna melt?
ROMAN: Me? No.
As long as you guys
don't go water pistols in Bali.
Water pistols in Bali?
Yeah, water pistols in Bali.
When we were all gonna go squirt
Dad under the canopy?
I went in, and you fucks
left me for dead?
SHIV: I don't recall.
ROMAN: That's convenient.
Hey, Dad!
SHIV: Shiv Roy. We're going in.
Okay, yeah, excuse me,
lawyery man, may I see that?
LAWYER: Uh, no.
Okay, uh, where's my dad?
Logan? Logan Roy?
LAWYER: I don't know,
I haven't seen him.
ROMAN: Oh, you haven't seen him.
That's convenient.
He hasn't seen him.
ROMAN: Well, look who it is.
Hey, we're going in.
LOGAN: Send them in!
ROMAN: Okay, um
- Hey.
- LOGAN: Hey!
Hello. Hello.
- What's all this, then?
- ROMAN: Hi. Hi everyone. Hi.
- SHIV: Hey, Karl.
Uh-- We're just feeling a little
out of the loop, Dad.
Oh, of course.
Things have moved very fast.
Come in, come in, come in.
Yeah, we might be wrong,
but we're, uh,
we're hearing rumors about GoJo.
Yeah, that, uh,
we might be the target now.
Is that right, Dad?
Okay. I've been looking
at some options.
Right. We might be affected,
our positions,
so we wanted
to get some clarity.
Absolutely. But do you mind
not with him in here
giving me
the fucking doggy-evils?
Can you take him out, Romulus?
I'll fill in your sister
and give you the angles.
I don't trust him.
You can tell us together, Dad.
I thought we had this
figured out.
Yeah. It just might be better,
you know, if
we all hear.
So, the market capitalizations
of our firms
have been on the move.
Ours is a declining business.
There's a wave
of consolidations happening
that mean this is the optimal
moment, in my opinion,
uh, to make a deal
with a serious tech operation
like GoJo.
And that's what
I've been exploring, okay?
Okay, so, I would say, uh,
on behalf of all of us,
uh, can you ease up
and let us in,
stop this until we see exactly
how we're impacted?
No, it has to be now.
- Why?
- Because I feel it in my bones.
Oh, wow,
no arguing with that, huh?
End of the day,
that's all I fucking got.
Well, you know that's bullshit.
Look, this is the best moment
to sell.
If I don't do the best deal
at any given point,
what's the point of anything?
I don't get out, I leave
five billion on the table.
Come on, Dad!
What are you gonna do
with the five bil? Huh?
Put it on your pile
with all your other fucking bil?
Mm-hmm. Probably. Yeah.
And what are we supposed to do?
Make your own fucking pile.
I know this is a readjustment,
but our blood's in the water
and I need to make moves fast
in order to control
the situation and get myself
and you (SNIFFS)
assurances for the future.
Dad, once Matsson is calling
the shots, we're fucked.
No, nah, he rates you.
And this is an opportunity
for you kids
to get an education
in real life.
With you at the top,
we can take over,
but without you, we're fucked.
Come on, Roman.
Let's get away
from these fucking Jacobins.
I've got you. Come on,
let's discuss.
Hey, Dad, I--
I know what he said,
I was there, but, um,
really, with Matsson
calling the shots,
we're-- we're strung up
in the town square.
He rates you!
You have my word.
This is an opportunity, son.
A bit of fucking grit.
Adversity, like me.
You can trust me.
You can't trust him.
We're here to say,
the three of us,
to ask and to say
do not do this, please.
And what if I decide
I can't listen to you?
We can stop you,
and we will stop you.
Blow this up.
You need our vote
for a change of control.
Yeah. You need all of us.
You need a super majority,
and we can kill it.
And we will.
You're playing
toy fucking soldiers!
Go on!
Fuck off!
I have you beat!
You f-- morons!
Well, no, because you need
a super majority--
Oh, well, no!
(MOCKINGLY) Because you need
a super majority to
Uh-- Is she still on?
It's all done.
Can we get her back on?
ROMAN: Dad, what is this?
LOGAN: Yeah.
Hello? Yeah. Logan?
LOGAN: Caroline, you're on
with Roman, Kendall,
and Siobhan.
- Hi, Mom.
- Mom?
CAROLINE: All right, well,
I don't necessarily wanna do
anymore tonight, Logan.
Your mother and I have been
reviewing the terms of the
divorce agreement.
Mom, you fucked us.
LOGAN: And we've agreed
that the arrangements
were a little
- antiquated.
- Oh, fuck, Mom, he got to you.
Oh, seriously, Mom, already?
- What the fuck did you
I can't get into it,
all right? I
I think everything will be fine.
Rex Hendon's
dealing with it all.
Mom, you just slit our throats.
Please don't be angry. I
I think this is for the best.
Peter's so excited.
Oh, is he?
Peter's excited. Great.
CAROLINE: I'm not sure it's been
good for you, all the, you know.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I love you all. Bye.
Well, we just walked in
on Mom and Dad fucking us.
Thank you, Caroline.
- please?
- Please?
ROMAN: Please.
The seat sniffer
gets a fucking leg up.
That's a deal.
What have you got
in your fucking hand?
What have I got?
I don't know, fucking
LOGAN: Love?
You come for me
with love?
You bust in here, guns in hand,
and now you find they've
turned to fucking sausages.
You talk about love?
You should have trusted me.
- Dad, why?
- Why?
Because it works.
I fucking win.
Oh, go on, go on. Fuck off.
You nosy fucking pedestrians.
COLIN STILES: Mr. Roy. Mr. Roy.
Mr. Roy, hold on a second.
- I need you to sign
- Who the fuck told him?
Who told him
that we were coming?
Gerri, Gerri, Gerri, Gerri!
He's not well.
You can help us, right?
You can help us stop him?
Well, I'm focused on
whatever outcome best serves
the financial interest
of the shareholders
of the company.
But it doesn't serve
my interests.
How does it serve my interests?
- Later.
- COLIN: Okay.
Hey, Shiv.
You okay?
- Hey.
- TOM: Hey.
Yeah. Uh
You okay?
- What's going on?
- Mom fucked us.
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