Survival of the Thickest (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

You Did What in Public, Bitch?

[hip-hop beat playing]
[Mavis] Ooh, baby!
- [Marley] This feels good, right?
- [Mavis] It does.
But damn.
Mavis killed.
Girl, employment looks good on you.
Thank you.
Two new clients. 3,000 new followers.
- So now I have 3,099 followers.
- Ooh!
- Right?
- Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Yes, and look at you
just lookin' like a ripe piece of mango.
- Oh, thank you.
- [whistling]
Just succulent. Oh.
- [Mavis] Oh! Okay!
- [man] That's what I'm talkin' about.
Excuse you. Thank you, and you're welcome.
You're welcome. No, thank you, mama.
That shit hitting, right? Yeah.
- What is in this?
- Honey!
- That's a special strain.
- Uh-huh.
For athletes and busy executives.
Is that why it tastes like
white-collar crime and old nickels?
- Damn, you invited Khalil?
- I did.
I wanted to talk to you
about some grown-woman shit.
He and I ain't friends like that.
He cool or whatever,
but when I talk to him
about something serious,
he always tries to bring it back
to capitalism and "the man."
- He's not like that.
- He is.
- [Khalil chuckles]
- Hey.
- Hi!
- Yo.
- Okay, I see you.
- All right.
Peaches & Herb.
- It me. It me.
- [Khalil] Yeah!
Man, you know that dude became a cop?
Capitalism broke him.
That's a good story, Khalil.
- Speaking of herb
- Mm-hmm.
I thought there was
gonna be weed around here.
- Bam!
- Bam!
- [Mavis] There you go.
- Yes. Hey, Marley.
Hey, Khalil.
Welcome to our 5K Bong Hit Club.
We smoke, we jog, then brunch,
and negate everything that's happened.
- That's right.
- Okay.
- Ooh.
- [vehicle beeping]
Stretchin' my ar-arms, stretchin' my arms.
You hear that noise?
That's me backing my ass up at Home Depot.
I'm just Juicy thighs
Okay. Whatever you're doing, it's working,
but what's the goal of this stretch?
I don't know.
I'm just trying new things, okay?
As a newly single
big-titty Mavis in the city. [gasps]
And did I tell you
my hot bodega guy's feeling your girl?
He gave me free groceries,
and some of them were produce.
- Produce? No.
- Oh no, no.
- You cannot do that.
- You can't do that.
Mavis, you never fuck where you eat.
That's why I can't go
to half the restaurants in Harlem.
All the new chicks I'm fucking with
think I got bad taste in food.
It's true.
Okay, excuse me.
I am cool, calm, crisp, and collected.
I can compartmentalize. Okay?
Ooh, this shit's hitting.
Everything got a C in it.
- [Khalil] Oh, we running now?
- I love it.
- [Marley sighs]
- [Mavis] Cuh-cuh.
- Give me my vape pen back, please.
- What?
["Like That" by Kalisway plays]
Like that, like that, like that ♪
Two peas in a pod ♪
- Hello, hello.
- Hi.
The beauty from upstairs.
- You remember me.
- Yeah.
My credit card can go through this time.
Of course I remember you.
The property value
for the entire block went up
now that we have, you know,
a divine presence.
- [Mavis laughs]
- Yeah.
- Wow! Okay! Um
- [bodega guy chuckles]
Okay! Sure.
Uh, I, uh came here for something,
but I forgot. Um
Pop-Tarts. Do you have Pop-Tarts?
- Right over there.
- Oh.
We only have chocolate available,
which is fine by me
because chocolate's my favorite.
- Oh!
- Yeah.
Okay. Well, it is a yummy flavor.
- It is.
- It's also my favorite.
- Your favorite? It's my favorite.
- My favorite too.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah, especially when you're hungies.
- Oh, let me help you with that.
- Oh, no.
- I got it.
- Let me help. It's my store.
- Let me help. It's fine.
- It's really okay. No, I got it.
- I totally got you.
- I have it.
- I've got it.
- I see that you're
[Mavis, playfully] Stop! No, I got it!
[woman shouts in Bengali]
- Oh.
- Oh.
What are you doing to my Amir?
Mom, can you go to the back
for one second?
Where are you going?
You try to have sex with my son,
and you leave?
- What?
- What's wrong with you American girls?
You never marry. Only sex?
Excuse me, ma'am.
I am not about to explain
fourth-wave feminism to you, okay?
He was just helping me get
my chocolate Pop-Tart. That's it.
You should take it easy on your son, okay?
He is a grown man. He's, what, 28, 29?
He is 21.
In human years? Twenty-one?
Oh my God! Kylie Jenner is older than him.
Um Wow! Wow!
- Happy 22nd birthday.
- [Amir] No, it's
Okay ♪
One time for the big girls
In the crowd ♪
- Hey ♪
- Hear me now ♪
Go on, sis, yeah
Show 'em how to work it out ♪
[indistinct chatter]
I'm so glad Peppermint recommended you.
Every queen you've styled at CC's
has been aspirational.
Aw, and they're so cute and so different.
Every queen is like a snowflake
or like a fingerprint or a Prince song.
Well, you get it.
But it really is such, like, a dream job
right around the corner.
- [Khalil] Yo, yo.
- Hey.
[Khalil] Hey, hey.
Special delivery for you and yours.
Khalil, you have outdone yourself,
my king.
You made these? And they're for me?
I didn't make them per se,
but I did paint 'em though.
And, yes, they are for you, my queen.
Oh my God! I've never felt more beautiful
in my whole Black life.
Well, baby, you are the moment.
Thank you. Oh, hey, right here.
I want these titties to pop.
I just got 'em,
and I want them up to my chin.
I love talking about titties,
but I'm gonna grab a drink.
That sounds great.
Listen, I've had big old titties
my whole life.
Maybe something a little bit bigger
because you need wiggle room.
I don't want wiggle room.
I've worked three jobs
for the last six years to have this body.
Damn, Divinity.
When you put it like that, no wiggle room.
Hey you, right now ♪
[Marley] So I talked to Anita about you
and how you're following your passion,
and how I need some things in my life
to be passionate about.
Aw! You talk to your therapist about me?
I talk to her about all my problems.
Okay, that's a little hurtful.
And I thought she would just tell me
to do some step-by-step
Eat Pray Love type shit,
like she did after the divorce, but
[Mavis] Sure.
she just keeps asking questions
about trying new things.
I'm like, "Bitch, how many hours
do you think I have in a day?"
It sounds like she's trying to help you,
Marley, and I love that.
Then she had the nerve to try to say to me
that maybe my strong relationship
to control
could be getting in the way.
What? You? Controlling? No.
- I pay this bitch.
- Uh-huh.
- I do. I need some direction.
- Okay.
- I need some answers.
- Yes.
You know?
I see you shaking your ass over there.
- Y'all look good. Oh, wait, wait.
- Oh, Marley, please don't.
- Your zipper's down.
- I'm gonna fix that. That is my job.
Hold them in. Baby, there you go.
Hey, why don't you meet me outside?
["Two of Hearts" by Stacey Q plays]
I need you ♪
I-I-I-I-I-I need ♪
I need ♪
I-I-I-I-I-I need ♪
I need you ♪
I never said
I wasn't gonna tell nobody ♪
No, baby ♪
[audience member] Yeah!
- But this good lovin' ♪
- Oh God.
I can't keep it to myself ♪
Oh no, no, no, no, no!
- This isn't happening!
- Oh no ♪
Oh! No!
[Peppermint] Okay, honey.
We're not doing Janet at the Super Bowl.
Excuse me. I need to interrupt your date.
- Oh. We're not dating.
- I need your tie.
Love your suit, by the way.
It's really nice.
It's not even giving dead hooker
at a bachelor party.
It's giving, I don't know,
"I pay my taxes, have clean feet."
"Don't have a broken iPhone."
Awesome! Thank you.
By the way, if you're at the bar,
please try our new cocktail.
It's called "Mavis Killed."
Tastes like a, um peach's pum-pum.
Uh, enjoy.
- Bitch, you fixed your titty yet?
- Almost, girl.
Okay, let's see. That's what happens
when you take the wiggle out of the room.
You are a lifesaver. Who knew
titties be goin' in opposite directions?
That's how you know
you got some good ones.
[Peppermint] And here they are back again.
Go get 'em, bitch!
[Khalil] Yo. Yeah, go ahead
and close me out. Thanks.
Where Mavis at?
I don't know.
She may be backstage or something.
I've tried seven text messages,
and nothin'.
- [Marley sighs]
- Yeah, well, if you see her, let her know
You're not as annoying
as I thought you'd be.
I appreciate Man, whatever.
No, but with Mavis bein' single now,
it feels like we'll be
in each other's lives a lot more often,
so I may as well include you in
on this shit.
You know that my therapist
No, no, don't include me.
I don't need to know nothing.
No, no, no, my therapist, Anita.
She had the nerve to say
Mavis? Mavis!
I can't lie. I'mma go home and drink too.
Oh, hey!
Um, excuse me?
What are you doing back here?
This is a queens-only area.
I'm sorry. I would just like
to ask the pretty lady for my tie back.
Mavis, is it?
I'm Luca.
Hi, Luca. Nice to meet you.
[Peppermint] Mm-hmm.
Well, you lucky you fine.
Anyway, where you from, bitch?
Before I call the INS on your ass.
My ass is from Rome, Italy.
Here's your tie back.
That was very impressive
what you did tonight.
Not that many people
can think so quickly on their feet.
Oh, honey, I can think quickly
off my feet too. Okay!
- [queens whoop]
- Yes! Start that rumor.
You have your tie back now, and so
I'm sure your boyfriend's waiting for you.
That man is my friend from childhood
who lives in New York.
And while he's gay, I assure you I'm not.
I tried to tell you before,
but you were very busy.
Well, okay.
I don't want to seem too forward,
but I have to fly home tomorrow,
so I was wondering if you would like
to join me now for a late dinner?
[Peppermint] Yes.
Yes! The answer is yes. She does.
You know you wanna play
in his olive garden.
- Let's talk outside. Thank you so much.
- [Peppermint] Mm-hmm.
- [Mavis] Come on. Let's go.
- Arrivederci. Bye.
I bet he's got a buttery breadstick.
He will if he doesn't! [chuckles]
I poured my guts out
to this woman for an hour
for her to tell me
I needed to try new things.
You know you can pick those up
wit' your fingers.
You just pick it up and bite it.
And get 'em covered in grease?
I think the fuck not, okay?
And you know what?
You should work to live, not live to work.
I agree with your therapist.
Everybody should have a creative outlet.
You mean like learn some instrument
or take some stupid-ass art class
or somethin'?
This ain't America's Got Talent.
Marley, you know I teach art, right?
How would I know that?
I don't even know your last name, boo.
Holland. My name is Khalil Holland.
What did you think I was doin'
this whole time?
I don't know. Selling weed?
Yeah, that tracks. Okay.
Well, you know what?
Sounds like to me that you're afraid
to get out of your comfort zone.
You are out of my comfort zone.
[phone buzzes]
Oh, Mavis. Thank God.
Italian flag, eggplant,
five water squirt emojis.
- You know what that mean?
- That's a lot of information. Damn!
Oh, hey, baby carrot.
I want you to paint me a pair of boots
like you did for Miss Divinity.
- I'll give you $500 and a piece of ass.
- [Khalil laughs]
[Peppermint] Mm!
I'm sorry, boo,
but I don't take commissions.
Oh. All right.
Well, I was gonna steal Divinity's anyway.
I can't believe you just let $500
and a little piece o' ass just walk away.
That's not what I'm about, Marley.
Look, my art is my joy, and every time
I do something practical with it,
I feel like a piece of that joy
is taken away.
What are you talking about, broke-ass?
The joy of your poverty?
I ain't out here paper-chasin' like that.
I do well enough
to take care of me, my moms.
It ain't gotta be more complicated
than that.
You know what? Fuck it.
I can't believe I'm 'bout to do this.
Let's get the check.
We gettin' up outta here.
I am not about to give you no pussy.
Don't tell me to get up outta here.
Oh, that's for damn sure.
- We are not having sex.
- No, we are not. We gonna paint.
I'd rather have sex.
Forget me not ♪
This restaurant is nice.
I, uh need to know
if we're splitting the check
before I figure out what to order.
This is actually what you Americans call
a dine-and-dash situation. Sh.
Uh, excuse me. You can't be funny
and charming. I can only handle so much.
Don't worry. This is my treat.
Thank you.
Have you always wanted to be a stylist?
Oh, um
Yeah, I guess. I always loved fashion,
and, when I was little,
I would just hoard copies
of Vogue and Elle and Harper's Bazaar.
It was tough, though,
because all the models
were so rail thin and white.
Like, so white, like, you could see
their veins through their skin.
It's just like, "Girl, you okay?
Have some butter and bread, bitch."
But, um, you know, I was always inspired
by colors and silhouettes,
and I just really want to put them
on beautiful bodies
with different shapes and sizes.
- Ciao.
- Ciao. Buona sera.
Buona sera.
- Io sono un amico di Dino, dello chef.
- Okay.
Lo può dirgla che Luca è qui,
uh, che è in compagnia
di una bellissima donna.
Una bellissima donna, certo.
E che vorremmo avere il menu degustazione.
- Okay.
- Con lo speciale.
- Perfetto.
- Lo speciale. Lui lo sa.
Sì, dico io.
I menù, per favore.
- Grazie.
- Grazie a te.
What in the Rosetta Stone is going on?
and I like it.
The chef here is a friend.
So, I was just gonna ask you,
what do you do?
I work for a nonprofit
that resettles refugees.
My parents were both immigrants,
and they sacrificed so much for me
to have a good life.
I just want to make it easier for others.
Are you okay?
My ovaries were just high-fiving,
and I had to
let them do what they need to do.
Now it's like a standing ovation.
I have to say,
you are incredibly charming.
Thank you. I think the big titties
and the freckles help though.
They are indeed a nice bonus.
[Mavis chuckles]
- Grazie.
- Prego.
So, to big titties and freckles.
To big titties and freckles. Ayo!
Okay, so, uh you want me to just paint?
Yes, Marley. I want you to paint.
That's why we're here.
That's why I gave you
paintbrushes and a canvas.
Okay. What do you expect for me to paint?
I haven't done art class since preschool,
but I can make a turkey hand
like a motherfucker.
Okay, well, make a turkey hand, all right?
Or Or Or whatever you want.
Just close your eyes, and let the energy
flow through the brush onto the canvas.
Nigga, what am I, Harry Potter?
- What's your therapist's name, Anita?
- Yes, Anita.
Is Anita okay?
Close your eyes and just breathe.
Nigga, I'm breathing.
How do you think I'm still alive?
You're saying some stupid shit.
- Marley, please!
- Okay.
I will do all of that, as long as you
paint another pair of them boots
and try and make some coin off of 'em.
You know what? Fine. I got you.
I'll do the boots.
- I'd better see your ass paint.
- Oh.
You want me to paint.
I'm about to paint
the shit out of this canvas.
I'm gonna have to let strangers
buy me dinner more often. That was fun.
I'm not a stranger. You stole my tie.
And you bought me dessert.
The American tasting menu of candy.
Oh my God. Big League Chew.
No, this is my favorite. [chuckles]
Whenever my papà visited America,
he always brought me back Big League Chew.
Oh my God. You call your dad papà?
That is so cute!
["Overtime" by DijahSB plays]
[both chuckle]
- My nigga, what you want from me? ♪
- [Mavis moans]
I'm about to pay out
What it cost to be ♪
I'mma have to bail out
Shit's costing me ♪
Oh my God. I feel like
an Amish teenager on Rumspringa.
I'd go to any Rumspringa with you.
Talk to me
I'm Reebok, all these niggas ♪
That's so sweet.
Why is it so sexy when you say Rumspringa?
- Like you black enough, but it's cool ♪
- [Mavis moans]
The branches thin
That's how they make it ♪
Do you wanna Do you want me to, uh
The clouds is out
I think it's time that we all feel rain ♪
'Cause all my lifе, I ♪
Overtime ♪
Stayin' up all night ♪
I put it in ovеrdrive ♪
There ain't no stopping
My nigga, what you scheming for? ♪
Act like this is somethin'
That you seen before ♪
Talkin' like you ain't seen me
In Supreme before ♪
Never seen a box logo so clean before ♪
[Mavis] Oh no!
[Mavis whines]
Are you okay?
- I'm trying my best not to freak out.
- Um
More gum. No, no, no. Oh, okay.
I have some scissors. I could cut it
No, no, no, no!
Che cazzo alle forbici? No.
- No scissors.
- Okay.
- [Jade] Wassup?
- Oh.
Jade, not now, okay?
I kinda got a situation.
Gum on the pubis? I've seen that before.
- This is my roommate. I am so sorry.
- You guys, it's an easy fix.
All you need is peanut butter and ice.
It comes right out.
Really? Do we have those things?
No. Cocaine is allergic to peanut butter,
and I don't trust ice.
Stop saying things that make me
wanna ask more questions!
Okay, there's a bodega downstairs.
I can get peanut butter and ice,
and I will be right back, okay?
You won't even notice that I'm gone.
- Are you gonna be okay?
- [Luca] Yes. Come back quickly, please.
Is there somewhere
I can have a little privacy?
Oh, don't worry.
I've seen testicles before.
Did you know that a penis shaft
is actually just an inverted uterus?
I didn't know that.
[Luca] Thank you.
[Mavis] Oh God. I need to get through!
I cannot have a whore in my store.
Excuse me, ma'am.
I do not have time for your nursery rhyme.
Oh shit. Now you got me doing it too.
- You came here naked.
- I was not naked.
You seduced my boy.
It was consensual. He is a man.
Thank you.
You left him impure.
Nothing happened
with me and your son, okay?
And nothing is gonna happen.
I am newly single
and just very out of practice,
and I didn't know he was that young.
He looks older. You look younger.
It's very confusing.
Also, don't put the chocolate Pop-Tarts
on the top shelf
unless you wanna see
my chocolate Pop-Tart, okay?
[speaks Bengali]
We could've been the next Ciara
and Russell Wilson of the neighborhood.
Oh, for fuck's sake, Amir.
[Amir] What? I
Wh Wow! I mean, look.
They are better than the other pair.
I'm impressed.
Is that the sound of Marley
complimenting a man?
Hey. I barely consider you a man.
But seriously,
you can get good money for those.
And you don't have to do it all the time.
Sometimes, mixing art and commerce
can be fruitful.
Always trying to get a nigga
to sell out. Thanks.
How's it going over there?
Well, I'm all done. Uh
Nothing to brag about,
but it felt good to create somethin'.
- I needed that.
- Look at us.
Positively affecting
each other's lives and shit.
[Marley chuckles]
I see why Mavis keeps you around.
Ooh shit! Two compliments in one night?
You must be exhausted.
I must be. Have a good night, Khalil.
- You too, Marley.
- [Marley chuckles]
Hey, you want me
to walk you to the subway?
Oh shit.
- Is she good at everything?
- Hey! That shit's good, right?
It's so good, isn't it?
I knew it was good.
I just didn't wanna seem like an asshole.
And you know what? Kudos, baby.
Kudos to that little breathing bullshit
you was talkin' about.
That shit work. That shit actually work.
- Or you could just say thank you.
- No thank you.
[Luca] Sì? Yes?
Hey, um, are you okay?
I know you're not okay, but can I help?
Uh Yeah.
I can't, um,
see everything.
[muffled] Oh, a little more.
[exhales sharply]
I am so sorry I got bubble gum
on your dick.
This is me trying to be single at 38,
and I probably shouldn't even tell you
how old I am because that's not sexy,
and what I was trying to do was be sexy,
but the real me is not giving blow jobs
in a taxicab.
I'm an independent woman
that could definitely make her way, but
sometimes I just want someone
to ask me how my day was.
Is that crazy? That's crazy.
How was your day?
Not great.
Same here.
["On It" by Jazmine Sullivan plays]
I want to sit on it ♪
So tell me why you deserve it ♪
[Mavis moans softly]
Come on and prove ♪
Why I should move ♪
I'll spit on it ♪
Ah yeah ♪
Oh-oh oh-oh oh ♪
Five years together
and four living with each other.
[gentle music plays]
And I, um,
walked in on him having sex
with someone else.
Ten years together.
Eight of them married.
With the right person.
[gentle music continues]
Is it weird to say I'm going to miss you?
And no.
Oh, before I forget. Here, take this.
Cocaine is really allergic,
so you enjoy that.
Bellissima donna.
[upbeat music playing]
Khalil! Oh my God!
What are you doing here?
I invited him.
Yeah, jogging is better in threes,
and don't make a big deal out of it.
Aw! Life is so beautiful!
Okay, Mavis.
What got you all twirlin' and grinnin'?
[Marley] Oh.
She got some Italian chocolate.
Yes, I did get me some Italian chocolate,
and it was delicious,
but I also realized
I don't do random and casual.
I do real and honest
with adult but clumsy.
Let's also be honest about that.
Damn. All that,
and she ain't even high yet.
I'm probably gonna marry that guy.
- She definitely high.
- Ah.
- [both chuckle]
- [Mavis] What? You guys.
I am kidding.
You go so fast. My tits are so heavy.
I didn't wear my good bra.
Hey Do you think you could
drop off the rent checks?
Um, I just I just have to meet my friend
at the lizard sanctuary.
I'm actually on my way to work.
That seems really important,
but these bearded dragons
have been waiting to get bar mitzvahed
for a very long time.
Okay, fine. I'll do it.
Tell me where to go.
[softly] Okay, so
Here you go. Hi. How are you? Great.
I am so loving my new place, by the way,
and I am also so loving
seeing women of color
just really creating generational wealth
for their families.
So thank you so much. Thank you.
And I would deposit that tomorrow
after 4:15 or 4:30.
Maybe another day.
Do what you like because you should.
It's our world.
We're living in it. Okay. [clears throat]
[R & B music playing]
Betta know about me, babe ♪
Mm-hmm ♪
Betta know about me, babe ♪
Yeah ♪
I'm way too lit, I'm way too thick ♪
Talk a lotta trash, but I could bag it ♪
Betta know about me ♪
Mm-mm ♪
Yeah ♪
Mm-mm-mm ♪
Yeah ♪
Mm-mm ♪
Yeah ♪
Mm-mm-mm ♪
Yeah ♪
Mm-mm ♪
Hey ♪
Mm-mm-mm ♪
Yeah ♪
Betta know about me, babe ♪
Previous EpisodeNext Episode