Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) s02e01 Episode Script

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half shell Turtle power They're the world's most fearsome fighting team We're really hip.
They're heroes in the half shell and they're green Hey, get a grip.
When the evil Shredder attacks These turtle boys don't cut him no slack Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Splinter taught them to be ninja teens He's a radical rat.
Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines That's a fact, Jack.
Raphael is cool but rude Michelangelo is a party dude Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half shell Turtle power Fudge.
Let's see.
Tofu and bean sprouts.
Peanut butter and jelly.
Desiccated liver and herbed wheat germ.
Come on, Michelangelo.
Think healthy for a change.
You had peanut butter and jelly on your pizza last night.
No way, bud.
I had chocolate chips and caramel fudge.
ok, lady.
put all your money in a bag.
will that be paper or plastic ? don't be a wise guy.
just do it.
all right.
only don't hurt me.
Michelangelo, look.
check out the checkout counter.
those 2 scuzz buckets are holding up the place.
But not for long.
Let's show 'em some turtle crime fighting tactics.
hai-yip-ta-da ! who are you guys ? we're here to take out the garbage.
play ball, creeps.
so you want to play dirty, huh ? strike one, dude.
strike 2.
ha ha ! you missed ! you think so ? strike 3.
you're out ! back off, weirdo.
yechhh ! eggs.
uh-oh, the boys in blue.
we better book.
right.
but first hey, what happened ? let us out of here ! gift-wrapped for the police.
could you check us out fast, ma'am ? we're in an awful big hurry.
you're the ones who saved my life.
it's on the house.
oh, radical ! uh-oh, here they come.
Cowabunga ! this is April O'Neill of channel 6.
oh, right, the happy hour news.
exactly what took place here ? these hoodlums tried to rob me.
Then suddenly these turtles showed up.
did you say turtles ? uh maybe they were alligators.
i didn't have my glasses on.
and so once again, a crime was prevented by a group of heroic turtles.
oh, then again, it could've been salamanders.
those things all look alike to me.
i tell you, Krang, our defeat was an accident.
send me back to earth, and i'll prove what i can do.
Krang, i implore you.
send me back.
send me back.
send me back.
i'm tired of your endless whining.
i will send you back to earth.
you will not regret this, Krang.
take this communicator.
and this time, put an end to this turtle business.
earth, make way for Bebop and Rocksteady.
and away we go.
hey ! why'd you do that ? because i enjoy seeing both people and animals suffer.
and you, my friends, are both.
April, thank heavens you're back.
there's a terrible emergency.
what is it, irma ? i chipped one of my nails, and i'm all out of this color polish.
please, irma, i've got a problem.
you've got a problem ? what if some hunky guy calls me for a date ? well, April, did you get the story ? not on film, mr.
thompson.
but i just know the turtles were there.
i'll bet they were.
Probably holding up the place.
wrong.
they're heroes, i tell you.
bushwa.
those turtles are the greatest threat our city's ever faced.
you must help expose those mutants for what they really are.
a menace to society.
but--but i couldn't do that.
then i'll find someone else who can.
right, Vernon ? oh, i agree, mr.
Thompson.
those turtles are nothing but a slimy green pestilence.
what brought that on ? i think the answer is right there.
ohh, burnesie.
you're so manly when you give orders like that.
why, yes, i suppose i am.
i just hate turtles ever since my brother put one in my bed when i was 5 years old.
don't worry, my dear.
i'll protect you from this dreaded reptile menace.
that's why he's on my case about the turtles.
if you don't think you can handle it don't sweat it, Vernon.
if i had to, i'd do an interview with bigfoot.
if you do, find out if he's married.
hey, Michelangelo told us how you trashed those just our luck to miss it.
we could've used the workout.
oh, those dudes were easy.
not like taking on Shredder's foot ninjas.
kinda weird, you know ? if it wasn't for Shredder, we'd still be for sure.
that was pretty cool the way his mutating gel made us grow.
yeah, but that same gel left our master Splinter trapped in the form of a rat.
boy, i'd like to go one on one with that shred head.
Forget it, Raphael.
Shredder's stuck in Dimension x along with that flipped-out brain creature Krang.
Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael.
master, Splinter, what is it ? i have had a terrible premonition.
my life-long enemy, saki the Shredder, is about to return.
Shredder ? but that's impossible.
we saw him sucked into Dimension x.
evil that strong cannot be so easily overcome.
i sense terrible danger ahead.
this sure is a slow day.
we ain't mugged anybody for a whole half hour.
relax, pal.
Some poor sucker's bound to show up.
aaahhh ! ha ha.
see ? what did i tell ya ? ohh, where am i ? i got a better question.
how much money you got in that stupid costume of yours ? of course.
i'm in the big apple.
foot soldiers, Bebop, Rocksteady, destroy these fools.
that old trick ? forget it, pal.
it won't work.
foot soldiers, did you not hear my command ? now just hand over your dough.
i'll just have to handle this myself.
now what were you saying about money ? we were saying, here, if you don't have any, take ours.
yeah, yeah, and have a nice day.
Krang, where is my army and my Technodrome and all my weapons ? you failed to defeat those miserable turtles and their teacher Splinter with my help.
now you must destroy them on your own.
i will never give you another speck of aid until you prove worthy of it.
i will show you, Krang.
i will destroy my enemies the turtles, and then the world will tremble before the Shredder.
hmm, the slash for cash dojo, the perfect place to begin operation turtle destruction.
oh, no, no, no ! what a bunch of useless wimps.
the master is responsible for the students.
look, clown.
nobody talks like that to smash, master of the slash for cash dojo.
i am now master of this dojo, and you will obey my every command or else.
or else what, tin face ? yaaahh ! like i was saying, master, you're the boss.
you got back just in time, April.
what about you, April ? anything on those turtles yet ? well, no, but you see, i oh, burnesie.
it's lonely in there without you.
you heard me.
don't come back without proof of some insidious turtle conspiracy.
i'm trying to tell you.
the turtles are not a threat.
they just want to be left alone.
ohh ! ooh ! don't let her near me.
she's a nasty old turtle lover.
there, there.
you're safe with me.
i'll get you a story, all right.
one that proves the turtles are heroes.
hee-ya ! hee-ya ! hi-ya ! hi-ya ! excellent.
under my tutelage, you are ready for action at last.
ok, you former wimps now belong to the crooked ninja turtle gang.
each of you will be given one of these to wear when we strike.
and strike we shall.
don't anybody move ! we're the crooked ninja turtle gang.
and when you tell the cops, if anybody asks, we're the crooked ninja turtle gang.
yaaa ! and i thought they were such nice boys.
yaahhh ! remember, we're the crooked ninja turtle gang.
here's our card.
The jewelry store, it's just been burglarized.
it's the robbers.
make sure you get 'em.
mr.
thompson will be thrilled.
it was those awful teenage mutant ninja turtles.
those weren't the turtles.
they were teenagers, they were ninjas, and they were green.
now, what would you call them ? well, Shredder, what have you to report ? ha ha.
my mock turtle ninjas have been terrorizing the city with a glorious crime spree.
with the citizens turned against them, soon the real turtles will be forced to the surface to clear their name.
you call that a plan ? that will take forever.
i want results now.
now ! now ! don't contact me until you have real progress to report.
good-bye.
ohh, that leaves me just one place to turn.
and then i said loose a horde of robot rat catchers.
but unfortunately, we were defeated by a talking rat and some ninja turtles.
Sacre bleu ! We never had such problems when i ruled france.
ahh, baxter stockman.
i've come for you.
ze peasants are revolting.
au revoir, mon ami.
oh, please don't hurt me, master Shredder.
i promise i'll never fail you again.
oh, stop sniveling.
i need you to build the ultimate rat catcher.
yes, master.
i know just the thing.
look.
every day, i watch them digging a tunnel with it.
good.
it will serve us well.
when i'm finished redesigning this thing, not a rat in this city will be safe.
hee hee.
aha, there's proof.
and you call these turtles of yours heroes.
but i tell you, those weren't the ninja turtles.
we'll run it on the 11:00 news.
and that's an order.
Leonardo, this is April.
come in, Leonardo.
hi, April, it's Donatello.
what's up ? hurry down to the channel 6 offices.
it's an emergency.
you turtles are about to be declared public enemy number one ! whoa, check it out.
we're at the top of the charts.
yeah.
number one with a bullet.
quit clowning, you guys.
this is serious.
we'll be right there.
look, April's left the light on for us.
yo, April, grab on.
now tell us about this big emergency.
yeah, like, what's the haps ? better yet, i'll show you.
a group called the crooked ninja turtle gang has been committing robberies all over the city.
whoa, scope out those awesome outfits.
you gotta admit they do know how to dress.
hold on, there's something familiar about that guy's technique.
you're right.
i've seen it before someplace.
there are only 2 sensei who could've taught them that.
Splinter or you don't mean i'm afraid i do.
Shredder.
aaahhhh ! we're under attack.
it's a sonic death ray.
turtles ! it's them, the ninja crooks.
help.
somebody call security.
guys, it's time to make tracks.
let's stay in touch.
just what were those green terrorists doing here ? i um i lured them here in order to, uh, uh expose them.
and exactly what are you doing here ? tell her, snookums.
well, i was i mean i--i never mind ! good work, April.
carry on.
what is that strange noise ? it's no use running from the ultimate rat catching machine.
it seems there's no way out.
master Splinter, we have some bad news to-- he's gone.
someone or something broke in.
this has to be Shredder's work.
either that or some totally humongous termite.
let's go.
here's where the trail ends.
and here's where the trouble begins.
you wimps are about to become turtle toe jam.
we'll just see about that.
ok, ninja punks.
get 'em ! hyah ! hyah ! come and get me, hot shots.
Michelangelo, watch it.
don't forget to write, dudes.
come on, guys, you can do better than that.
here, try these on for size.
what do you know ? a perfect fit.
creep number 2, comin' up.
I've been working on the oil drums no hard feelings.
uh, right, guys ? right.
i'm only gonna ask you once.
where's Shredder ? he left you a message.
right there.
we dare.
we dare.
hi, guys.
i got here as soon as i-- uh-oh, there's been trouble here.
this probably isn't very smart, but they might need my help.
you do not truly believe your students can defeat mine.
those clumsy fools i trained ? ha ha ha ha.
they were merely a way of delaying the turtles until i could complete my trap.
now i can destroy all of you.
no matter what you do to me, my turtles will defeat you, Shredder.
that's telling him, master.
Shredder, if you dare touch a whisker on his head irma, send my news crew on the double.
i've got a hot lead on the turtle story.
not another step, or your furry sensei will be crushed.
a rope.
it leads to a battering ram.
it's gotta weigh megatons.
none of us could stop that thing.
that's right, turtles.
your master is about to become history.
yo, bummer, guys.
looks like we've got us a massive problemo.
greetings from your friendly neighborhood rat catcher.
baxter ? don't you just hate it when people drop in unannounced ? talking turtles.
big green talking turtles.
say sayonara, Splinter.
heh heh heh.
aaahhhh ! way to go, dudes ! save me, master.
save me.
oh, useless jellyfish.
i have to do everything myself.
yaaahh ! where are the brakes on this thing ? the battering ram.
Raphael, jump ! you have done well, my students.
well, we're not done yet.
where's the Shredder gone to ? you haven't seen the last of me, mutants.
this is only the beginning.
uh-oh, that's our cue to exit.
oh, no, i don't believe it.
it looks like world war 11 ! roll tape, fellas.
we've got a story that's gonna knock the boss' socks off.
but i tell you the plan was working until that idiot baxter messed things up.
no excuses.
you were beaten once again.
bozo.
ha ha.
yeah.
bozo.
until you prove yourself, you will not get one shred of help from me.
i vow to destroy Splinter and his accursed turtles, and i will not rest until i do.
this is April O'Neill of channel 6 news.
today the notorious crooked ninja turtle gang was captured and revealed for the hoax they are, proving once and for all that there's no such thing as the green turtle menace.
Burnesie, how dare you let her say such a thing ! but, tiffany, honey, it's the truth.
admit it.
you love turtles, don't you ? no, no, baby.
i hate turtles, honest.
here's your lunch, boss.
let's see.
uh you ordered the mock turtle soup.
what ? i knew you were a lousy turtle lover.
good-bye ! i guess she's not a soup lover either.
so far, no one knows the identity of the mysterious green heroes who stopped this crime spree.
but whoever you are, thanks.
right on, babe.
she was winking at me, you know.
you're totally warped, dude.
she was winking at me.
get real, you guys.
it was meant for yours truly.
I hate to argue, fellas, but i think she meant it for me.
Cool it, fellas.
If you must know, I was winking at Splinter.
I don't believe that ! Age has its privileges.