Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) s05e02 Episode Script

6101-000 - Planet of the Turtleoids (2)

[ Rock ] Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half shell Turtle power They're the world's most fearsome fighting team [ Leonardo ] We're really hip.
They're heroes in a half shell and they're green [ Raphael ] Hey! Get a grip! When the evil Shredder attacks These turtle boys don't cut him no slack Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Splinter taught them to be ninja teens [ Donatello ] He's a radical rat.
Leonardo leads Donatello does machines [ Donatello ] That's a fact, Jack.
Raphael is cool but rude [ Raphael ] Give me a break.
Michelangelo is a party dude [ Michelangelo ] Party! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half shell Turtle power Lunch is ready, fellas.
Boy, that pizza smells great, Hokum.
Totally.
I've got a mondo case of the munchies.
And it's my own special recipe.
Oh, tell me this isn't broccoli.
Why, it sure is.
I call it pizza bunny style.
Hey, guys.
It's April.
Turn up the sound, dude.
April O'Neil here, speaking with the Easter Bunny, who's just been mugged.
Exactly what happened? Gee, uh, I don't know.
Suddenly this guy jumps me and steals my wallet.
Man, how low can you go? A fellow rabbit needs my help.
Keep the pizza warm.
I'll be back in two shakes of a hare's tail.
Hokum, wait.
That's not a real rabbit.
He's a grown-up bunny.
He can take care of himself.
[ Krang ] Aha! I have found it! Ooh! Found what, Krang? A teeny-weeny blinking light? For your information, this is a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence-- a temporal wave distortion.
I can't tell you how excited that makes me.
Oh, you will get excited, Shredder, when I tell you it could mean a world where the Turtles do not exist.
A world without those wretched reptiles? Tell me more.
[ Krang ] Time is like this ribbon.
[ Chuckles ] All right.
Visual aids.
The past is back here.
The present here.
And here is the future.
Due to certain phenomena, occasionally time bunches up like this.
Then one could travel ahead in time to the future.
And today is one of those occasions.
You can now travel to the year 3000, where the Turtles will be long vanished.
But what about weapons? They might be very powerful by then.
That's why you will take along this matter transformer.
With it, a weapon could become a candy bar.
Oh, just my luck.
I'm on a diet.
[ Krang ] This abandoned subway line runs straight through the time distortion.
Take the subway car to full speed and you will arrive at the future, where there will be no turtles to stand in our way.
We shall be lords of the future! This is April O'Neil speaking to you from the city subway, where mothers, purse snatchers and graffiti artists strike terror in the hearts of citizens.
Officer, what can we do to put a stop to this crime wave? Eternal vigilance, ma'am.
Criminals can strike when we least expect it.
[ Chuckling ] Oh! Oh, oh, oh! This is April O'Neil with an underwear-- [ Chuckles ] underground report on crime.
[ Sighs ] Now I wonder where I could find that Easter Bunny.
Wow! If this ain't the biggest danged rabbit hole I ever did see.
Along with the biggest dang rabbit I ever did see! [ Screams ] [ Shredder ] We'll soon be in the year 3000, Krang.
Excellent.
By then the Turtles will be no more.
[ Cackles ] Oh, my gosh.
It's them same bad guys I met in the last episode.
Look, boss.
A flying calendar.
What? This is only the year 2036? [ Chirps ] You have failed again, Krang.
We haven't gone far enough into the future.
Big deal.
So I miscalculated.
But no matter.
The Turtles will be ancient now.
You can easily defeat them.
Perhaps you're right.
Come.
Let us see what the future holds in store.
By golly, those bad fellers are up to no good.
I better follow.
[ Rocksteady ] Wow.
Everything's so neat and clean.
[ Bebop ] Yeah.
Don't you just hate it? Hey, Grandpa.
Yes, gentlemen? May I help you? Hey.
You're High-Five from the old gang.
I'd recognize that Mohawk anywhere.
Well, well.
Rocksteady and Bebop.
Hey.
You've been gone a long time.
Where's the old gang? Where's all the crooks? There are no more criminals in this city.
The Turtles locked up the last one years ago.
Even in the future I'm plagued by those blasted reptiles! If this is the future, they can keep it.
It's full of wimps and dweebs.
Yeah.
I sure wish the old gang was here.
That's it.
You will bring your old gang here to the future, armed to the teeth.
We will blast all resistance.
[ Chuckles ] Uh-oh.
I better get back on that time train and warn the Turtles.
[ Train Horn Honks ] [ TV: Instrumental Theme ] Students, it is time for your martial arts practice.
Aw! Oh, man! Gosh, Sensei.
I'm right in the middle of a book on multidimensional binary equations.
Yeah.
And Milligan's Island is on in five minutes.
And you're not supposed to exercise after eating.
All those calories will make you fat, Michelangelo.
Donatello, you will ruin your eyes reading in poor light.
Raphael, your brain will shrivel from watching too much television.
Practice, practice, practice.
If you wish to be sharp tomorrow, you must hone your skills today.
Hurry up, fellers! Big emergency! Hey, where'd you run off to, Hokum? The future! And that no-good Shredder's planning to take it over.
[ All ] What? No time to explain.
Come on! Turtle power! If you're putting us on about this future business, I'll personally rip off your horn.
Trust me, Jersey Red.
It's for real.
We've heard from the police and the citizens.
Now let's hear from one of the criminals.
Excuse me.
You look like an average thug.
Tell me, does crime really pay? [ Laughing ] It sure does, sister.
Hey! [ Michelangelo ] Hey, amigos.
That punk stole April's purse.
[ Hokum ] Never mind.
We're going the same way.
Let's go.
Come on! Whoa, ho, ho! What's this about conquering the future? Sounds like a big job.
Nonsense.
The people of this time are cowering weaklings, and the police carry no weapons.
[ Chuckles ] The future is ours! Au contraire, Shred-head.
A Turtle? How did you get here? Let me see.
I took the uptown express to 41-- No, 42nd.
Then I caught the crosstown local.
- Blast him! - Hit it, Turtles! [ All ] Turtle power! Whoa! [ Leonardo ] Look out, dudes! Whoa! Whoa! Well, well.
Visitors from the past.
Too bad your future is going to be so brief.
[ Cackles ] Oh, goody, goody.
We get to blast some Turtles.
Wrong-- by a hare.
It's that rabbit from the fantasy dimension.
Get him! Look out! [ All Coughing ] Good work, Hokum! We've gotta hurry and find tin grid.
Those yellow streamers are part of that time distortion we went through.
Bummer.
And I was hoping they were party decorations.
Let's get them Turtles.
We'll deal with them later-- after we have taken over the future.
[ Jersey Red ] Okay, coppers.
Against the wall with your hands up.
I always wanted to say that.
Great news, Krang.
We now control the entire police communication system.
Splendid! Why not a little show of force to let the citizens know we mean business? This matter transformer should provide the demonstration we need.
Attention, citizens.
This is your new ruler, Emperor Shredder, speaking.
And just in case any of you wimps might be considering rebellion, here is a demonstration of my superior power.
And now for the pièce de résistance.
Oh, no.
Not the Statue of Liberty! This time Shred-head's gone too far! Hey.
There's a severe penalty for defacing a national monument.
Wow.
You guys are even more famous than Little Bo Peep.
Yeah, and it's about time too.
Whoa! I wonder if I've got a line of surfboards named after me.
Even better.
Look.
[ Michelangelo's Voice ] Welcome to Michelangelo's Cowabunga Pizza.
What'll you have, dudes? Whoa! Um, anchovy and hot fudge.
Forget it, Michelangelo.
Remember what Master Splinter said.
We've gotta stay in fighting shape.
Ladies and gentlemen, step aboard for the tour of the Turtle mansion, home of the old-age Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Did you hear that? We still exist! Come on! We've gotta warn ourselves of Shredder's plot.
And once the Turtles put all the criminals behind bars and defeated the evil Shredder, they started a clean-up-the-city campaign.
We did all that? I'm truly impressed.
I can't wait to meet our famous selves in person.
Hokum, you stay here and warn us if any bad guys show up.
Yes, sirree.
You can count on me.
But wait.
They probably get tired of their fans bugging them for autographs.
Let's look for another way in.
Whoa! Scope out this scene.
Look! It's us! Pizza is served, Master Michelangelo.
Radical, Reginald.
Man, totally triumphant.
Careful, Michelangelo.
You'll pop the buttons on your p.
j.
's.
Look who's talking, Raphael.
If you'd kept up your exercises, your legs wouldn't be all shot.
[ Chuckles ] At least I'm not blind as a bat.
I wish you fellas would stop arguing.
Or d-did I already say that? I can't believe it.
I've turned into a befuddled old coot.
We've turned into everything Splinter warned us against.
There's no way these old dudes could stand up to Shredder and his goons.
We interrupt our regular program for a news bulletin.
It's April! Whoa! She's aged rather well.
An incredible event has occurred.
Previously defeated Shredder has taken over the city and declared himself emperor.
His heavily armed thugs are terrorizing our citizens.
I don't get it.
We defeated Shred-head years ago.
Oh, we can't let all our years of crime fighting go to waste.
Right.
We'll show 'em what turtle "powder" can do.
Oh.
Right.
We beat Shredder once, and we can beat him again.
Yeah, but-but we haven't used our ninja skills in years.
Hey, dudes.
A turtle never forgets.
You're thinking of an elephant.
Hey! Wait for me! Shredder's gonna clean those guys' clocks.
We gotta help him.
Aha.
Gate-crashers, huh? We're the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Sure you are.
Pretty good costumes though.
Let's go, kids.
We're gonna call your parents.
Our parents? How humiliating.
We can't let the old Turtles face Shredder alone.
He's right, dudes.
Hi-ya! Boy, those Turtles sure got old fast.
- Where'd they go? - Wait a minute.
How'd you get so young again? Those were the future versions of ourselves, and they're going to face Shredder alone.
We're too late.
The old Turtles have gone.
Oh, we'll never find them in time.
Time.
I knew there was something-- Uh-oh.
We don't have any time, guys.
You remember those yellow energy bands on the subway car when we arrived here? Those were bits of the temporal wave distortion that were pulled here when we came forward in time.
This energy meter shows that our trip has disturbed the fabric of space-time itself.
In other words? In other words, unless we get back to our own time, with everyone who's come here, both the past and the future will be destroyed.
So, like, we have to rescue our older selves, then bring Shredder, Rocksteady, Bebop and their gang back to the past? Right.
And we have less than 15 minutes to do it.
Excuse me.
Is that counting the commercial? We'll take that hover limo.
Well, how do we find the old geezers? I mean, our older selves.
Attention, Turtles.
I, Emperor Shredder, challenge you to a battle.
Meet me at the subway tunnel.
I wonder if he means us.
[ Chuckles ] Wonderful.
All eight Turtles will soon be within my grasp.
Krang, the Turtles are about to meet their doom.
It seems I've heard that song before, Shredder.
This time I cannot fail.
The old Turtles will be no problem.
And Rocksteady and Bebop's gang will help deal with the younger ones.
Well, hurry up.
If the future is so nice, I may want to come there myself.
Rocksteady, Bebop, call those delinquents of yours.
I want to prepare a little surprise for the Turtles.
[ Old Leonardo ] Say, fellas.
I just realized something.
Uh, what's that? [ Stammers ] I forgot where we're going.
We now take you live to police headquarters, where Emperor Shredder has a message for the Turtles.
This is the last call, Turtles.
I'm waiting.
Unless, of course, you're frightened.
Nobody calls a Turtle a chicken.
Time to get rude and crude, dudes.
Turtle-- [ All Wheeze ] power! [ All Coughing ] Let's hurry! [ Wheezing ] We are hurrying! [ Chuckles ] Here come the old buzzards.
[ Chuckles ] This ought to be easy.
Uh-uh.
The boss said to let 'em go in.
Remember? Yeah.
Sure.
He gets to have all the fun.
[ Donatello ] They're in that subway station.
Time for some fun, Turtles.
[ All ] Huh? Stupenduloso, dudes.
I really dig surprise parties.
Now let's see how well you dance.
Whatever you say.
One, two, three, kick! Time to get back to basics! [ Shredder ] What a pleasant surprise.
I didn't think you had the nerve to show up.
[ Chuckles ] It'd take more than your ugly face to scare us away.
Splendid.
[ Groaning ] Yeah.
I, uh, thought that went rather well, didn't you? [ Laughs ] [ Grunting ] [ Bebop ] Here we come, ready or not! We're ready.
Uh-oh.
Better warn the boss.
Hey, yo, boss.
[ Communicator Chirps ] What is it? The Turtles are coming.
The Turtles are coming.
Let them come.
This is April O'Neil on the scene, where this brave group of Turtle fans are fighting Shredder's gang.
We can't waste any more time.
We've gotta rescue the old guys.
Come back and fight, you green-back yellow bellies! If you think you're stomping my friends, you are all wet.
[ All Groaning ] Hokum Hare, what are you doing here? Hi, Miss April.
Bye, Miss April.
Say au revoir to the past, present and future, Turtles! Okay, Leonardo.
What do we do now? [ Muttering ] Darned if I remember.
Oh, I hope we're not too late.
Ah! The young Turtles.
Just in time.
- Hold it, Shredder.
- You didn't say "please.
" [ All Gasping ] Who are those guys? Those dudes look like us! You can never defeat me as long as I have my matter transformer.
[ Coughing ] Then we'll just have to-- [ Coughs ] deal with that.
No! Not another step, or you will witness your own destruction.
Don't give up, Turtles.
Use your wits.
But hurry.
We've only got two minutes to get back to our own time.
Oh, we sure do get into the darnedest fixes.
So, he wants us to use our brains, eh? [ Cackles ] [ Groans ] By golly, he's right.
- I'm not through with you, Turtles.
- This one's on me.
[ Screams ] [ Groans ] Way to go, bros! [ All Groaning ] Say, you fellas are us, aren't ya? And I'm you.
Well, like you used to be, that is.
Well, I'll be darned.
All aboard.
Next stop, the year 1991.
Well, bye, you youngsters.
Come around anytime.
Care to split a farewell pizza? Uh, no, thanks.
I'm giving them up for a while.
Man, I never thought I'd hear myself say that.
[ All Chattering ] Bye! Bye! [ All Shouting ] And so the question remains, will there be crime in the future? [ All ] Whoa! [ All Groan ] Hi, April.
We got your purse back.
Quick, Krang.
A portal.
Sayonara, Turtles.
I'll be back.
[ Leonardo ] They're getting away! Can we chase them after I've had a shower? All set, Hokum.
The portal generator will take you back to your fairy tale dimension.
Thanks for the pizzas, fellers.
I'm sure Hansel and Gretel will just love 'em.
So long, buddy.
Take care, Hokum! Bye! Man, it has been a long day.
I think I'll catch me some z's.
Uh, not so fast, Michelangelo.
We have lots of training to catch up on.
[ All Grunting ] Hmm.
I am quite impressed.
Yes, Master Splinter.
We definitely learned our lesson.
Even if it did take