Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) s07e05 Episode Script

9059-055 - Artless

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half-shell Turtle power! They're the world's Most fearsome fighting team LEONARDO: We're really hip.
They're heroes In the half-shell And they're green RAPHAEL: Hey, get a grip.
When the evil Shredder Attacks These Turtle boys Don't cut him no slack Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Splinter taught them to be Ninja teens LEONARDO: He's a radical rat.
Leonardo leads Donatello does machines DONATELLO: That's a fact, Jack.
Raphael is cool but crude RAPHAEL: Give me a break.
Michelangelo is a party Dude MICHELANGELO: Party! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half-shell Turtle power! [.]
[.]
SPLINTER: Ah.
The River Arno.
Italy is so picturesque.
Don't you agree? DONATELLO: It certainly is, Master Splinter.
Hey, isn't April meeting us here in Florence? Tonight, Donatello, after she finishes her report on The Last Supper.
Well, if it was my last supper, you can bet I'd order pizza.
Shh.
Here's April now.
APRIL [ON TV.]
: This is April O'Neil with a live report from the artists of the Italian Renaissance.
To this very monastery came the genius, Leonardo da Vinci to paint his masterpiece, The Last Supper.
It's badly faded, but still one of the world's most beloved art treasures.
Oh, Dob, look.
I want it for the art galaxy.
Good thing we detoured through the sharer system, Yikum, these Earthlings look like pushovers.
Oh, let's take the space-walk beamer down and see.
Professor Marco, how much restoring do you think The Last Supper needs? [IN ITALIAN ACCENT.]
As you in America would say, oodles and oodles of it.
[HUMMING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Oh, I don't believe it.
Oh, no.
The Last Supper is gone.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is unbelievable.
Not only does The Last Supper have to be restored, it first has to be recovered.
Turtles, it looks like we've got our work cut out for us.
That's for sure.
Whoever stole that wall just sliced it away like a pizza wedge.
Hey, why all the fuss? It's just a bunch of paint some dude slapped on a wall.
It is much more than that, Michelangelo.
Tonight I will show you what I mean.
Shh.
April has arrived for her next broadcast.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICK.]
[YELPS, GROANS.]
[IN ITALIAN ACCENT.]
Hey, look, the movie stars.
Smile and say, mozzarella.
What kind of picture you make? A space movie? Oh, no, time to make turtle tracks.
They think we're movie stars.
Get real, dude, who'd pay to see a movie about mutant turtles? Hi-ya.
[GRUNTING.]
[YELLING INDISTINCTLY.]
In here, quick.
Turtles, am I glad to see you.
Same here, April.
We heard about The Last Supper being ripped off and we want to help you find it.
Well, that's sweet of you, boys, but I wouldn't know where to start looking.
Well, maybe there's a lost and found for walls.
ALL: Ah, come on.
Hey, it was only a suggestion.
CURATOR: Ah, this museum gives me the creeps at night.
Oh, come on, but we still have to check on the Statue of St.
George.
That sure doesn't look like St.
George to me.
GUARD: It looks more like his dragon.
Ew, Earthlings, what a bother.
Get the lead.
Nothing hurts them.
They must be wearing bullet-proof underwear.
What's underwear? [SHOUTING IN ITALIAN.]
MICHELANGELO: Man, I thought I was laid back.
Didn't this dude ever finish anything? Quite a number of things, Michelangelo, including this one.
Whoa.
Who's the humongous man of marble? That is David.
It was carved by your namesake, Michelangelo.
Dude, I knew there was a reason I dug it.
Hey, what's that weird glow? [BUZZING.]
It's our way of saying "hi.
" What, do you have a problem with that? Who are you? Oh, well, I'm Yikum and he's Dob.
We're from the planet Lukra.
Oh, I've seen some weird tourist outfits, but you dudes take the cake.
Wrong, you unpleasant peasants, we take the artwork.
[ZAPPING.]
Oh, no, you don't.
[CLINKS.]
Oh.
Looks like I don't either.
Turtles, fight with honor.
[CLINKS, THUD.]
DONATELLO:: Back off, this one's mine.
I saw her first, dude.
Ha-ha.
Well, this should make an amusing story.
[BOTH YELP.]
[GRUNTS.]
Okay, Michelangelo, she's all yours.
Forget it, dude, I'd never strike a female.
Stand back, my students, and observe.
[YELLS IN JAPANESE.]
[CRIES OUT.]
[BUZZING.]
They're shrinking.
[BUZZES.]
[ALL CRY OUT.]
[.]
[SCREAMING.]
I hate to say it, dudes, but us ninjas are about to get injured.
Not necessarily, Michelangelo.
I was working on something just the other day.
A rocket pack? Yeah.
It can keep one turtle flying for hours.
LEONARDO: I hate to bring this up, but there are four of us.
DONATELLO: Well, at least it'll slow us down a little.
Oh, great, instead of a splat, we'll make a "splut.
" We haven't got much choice.
Everybody, grab hold.
Here goes.
[GRUNTING.]
Hey, we're safe.
Really? Tell me about it.
[ALL YELPING.]
DONATELLO: Don't panic, guys, just grab for the edge as we go over.
RAPHAEL: Oh, great, what good will that do? Well, one side of the stone is the walkway, and I'm hoping it's this one.
Ah, made it, dudes.
[INDISTINCT YELLING.]
You gotta stop saying that.
Aye, more monsters.
Just like the ones who stole our statues.
Monsters? But they told us they were movie stars.
Hey, dudes, cool it with the tomato surprise.
Eggplant.
These guys mean business.
Let's get out of here.
We don't want to hurt anyone.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Hurry, my students, get in.
We're taking a bad rap, compadres.
These dudes think we're the ones who've been ripping off their artwork.
Turtles, we must clear our good names.
How could the people turn on us like that, sensei? They had great cause to be upset.
Artworks, like Michelangelo's David, mean as much to the people of Florence as-as As the beach means to a California surfer dude? Precisely.
And that same day another statue was stolen, Donatello's St.
George.
Me? I don't have a St.
George.
I don't even have a St.
Bernard.
ALL: She mans the other Donatello.
The painter Donatello is your namesake.
Yeah, just like I was named after the Michelangelo who sculpted the David.
And The Last Supper was painted by Leonardo.
Hm.
I sense a pattern here.
Space aliens who are turtle fans? SPLINTER: No, no, fans of the Renaissance masters on whom April is doing her series.
Of course.
They must have picked up her telecasts in outer space.
Oh, no, I already announced that my next show would be about Raphael's frescoes in Rome.
Then we know where they'll strike next.
Donatello, do you know the way? DONATELLO: What's the difference? They say all roads lead to Rome.
APRIL: The Trevi Fountain.
Maybe we should stop and throw in a coin.
It makes your wish come true.
It's gonna take more than wishing to stop those Lukrons.
They make Krang and Shredder seem like Punch and Judy.
Yes, I fear a battle against such advanced beings will be like ancient Roman warriors fighting against nuclear-age weapons.
Well, fellas, I got you this far, getting into Vatican City is up to you.
We'll handle it, April.
What if those Lukrons capture you? That's the whole idea.
It's the only way we can find out our opponent's weakness.
Ciao, for now.
There you are.
Vernon? I've been a nervous wreck ever since you vanished in Florence.
Now, come with me.
But-- But-- No buts.
You're on the air in five minutes.
We don't even know which Raphael piece they're going to grab.
April has a hunch it'll be this mural.
It's called The School of Athens.
And it should be right here.
Uh-oh, looks like school's out.
We're too late, those Lukrons have taken the entire wall.
[CROWD YELLING.]
Sounds like they're not through yet.
Come on.
[CROWD SCREAMING.]
Those tourists were coming from the Sistine Chapel.
Well, what are we waiting for? Yikum, we simply must take this back to show at the art galaxy.
It's so-so cute.
But, Dob, we already have a piece by this Michelangelo Earthling.
Yes, but this is an entire ceiling.
Our customers back on Lukra would pay a fortune for it.
Oh, all right.
But hurry up, I'm tired of this planet, It's dirty and depressing, and it simply reeks of oxygen.
Stop.
You will not take this ceiling.
Oh, well, that's what you think, cheese breath.
Our customers on Lukra are wild about these primitive, native handicrafts.
But this masterpiece belongs to the people of Earth.
It is part of their history.
You'll be history if you don't get out of my way, you-you furry little creature.
[BEEPS.]
SPLINTER: Shockwave.
April, run.
Run for your lives.
Shockwaves I can handle, it's giant rats that freak me out.
SPLINTER: Hurry.
We must leave.
[GRUNTS.]
Splinter? [YELLING.]
Splinter! Splinter! Help! [BUZZING.]
Quite remarkable, these figures almost look alive.
If you say so.
Now, can you beam these trinkets up to the spaceship and go home? Yo, Donatello, where are we? In the underground catacombs near Rome.
Right.
What's a catacomb? A tomb.
A what? Ahh! Just who do you think you are? He is Michelangelo and I am Leonardo.
Donatello.
Michelangelo? Leonardo? Raphael? Donatello? Why didn't you tell us you were the artists? Us, artists? Hoo-hoo! Dude, you really are from outer space-- Well, we're kind of modest.
Oh, this makes all the difference in the universe.
You mean, you'll give us our art back? Certainly not.
We're taking you back to our galaxy too.
That's what you think, octopus-puss.
I can't move.
We're in some kind of stasis beam.
Well, at least we know their weakness: they haven't got any.
[ZAPPING.]
[CLATTERING.]
[BEEPS.]
Wait a minute, you can't kidnap us to another planet.
We can do anything we want.
And what we want is to put you to work in our art galaxy.
But I'm the turtle Leonardo, not the artist Leonardo.
None of us are artists.
Oh, don't quibble, you'll make us a fortune churning out more of these charming Earth knickknacks.
Oh, this is awful, first I lose the turtles, and now Splinter.
Where could they be? Hm.
The Trevi Fountain.
The one that's supposed to make wishes come true.
Heck, it's worth a try.
I wish I could find my friends.
April, I had a feeling I would find you here.
Splinter, you're all right.
But I fear the turtles are not.
Something must have gone wrong.
Those aliens are too powerful for any of us.
Perhaps.
The secret of martial arts is to turn your foe's very strength against him.
Come, I have a plan.
VERNON: The Colosseum? April, this is definitely not in the script.
Would you mind telling me what kind of art we'll find here? Uh, umsand paintings.
Now hurry, we're going on the air.
But I don't want to sell this one, you promised we could keep it for our home.
Well, I changed my mind.
It won't go with the levitation sofa.
Besides, it's peeling terribly.
This is April O'Neil with a special report for anyone interested in great art.
It's that Earthling reporter.
Oh, she must have another find.
I'm here at Rome's Colosseum, probably the Earth's most priceless masterpiece.
Did you hear that, Yikum? The Earth's most priceless masterpiece.
Oh, we simply must teleport it back to Lukra.
But, Dob, it's so enormous.
Oh, better yet, we'll sell it by the pound.
Oh, you're right.
Let's beamer it up.
[BEEP.]
They're planning to steal the Colosseum.
Along with Master Splinter and April.
Something that huge is bound to put a strain on their power source.
Then let's get ready to move.
[BEEPING.]
I was right, lifting the Colosseum is taking all their energy.
Premo to the extremo, dudes.
ALL: Turtle power! Oh.
They-- The artists are escaping.
Stop them, Dob.
[BUZZING.]
Turtles, how did you get here? Well, it has to do with warping space by way of a macro-cosmic dimension.
But you escaped? Thanks to you and your sales pitch.
Hey, we haven't shaken those Lukrons yet.
We need some weapons.
There's a display over there.
Hey, dudes, what are we supposed to do with these gizmos? When in Rome do as the Romans did.
This can't be what they mean by Italian designer fashions.
[BUZZING.]
You dreary little Earthlings think you can escape us? You're a sculptor, Michelangelo, let's see how you handle stone.
[YELPS.]
Outta the way! Scatter! Watch out! [BEEPING.]
[BUZZING FALTERS.]
Oh, no, we've overloaded the beamer.
But we still have battery power.
Heads up.
Incoming.
LEONARDO: Hi-ya! MICHELANGELO: Gotcha! Well, looks like you Lukrons were a little too advanced for your own good.
You're not so tough without your machines.
Please, spare us the lecture.
Let's hope we have enough battery power for a small space-walk.
[BEEPS.]
[ZAPPING.]
Turtles, we can't let them get away with those masterpieces.
[ARMOR CLANGING.]
Yeah, they've still got Michelangelo's David, and the Sistine Chapel.
And more serious yet, my grappling hook.
[BUZZING.]
Really, Dob, this thing is taking forever to repair itself.
What do you expect? It's last year's model.
First we'll take back these, and now we'll take back our artwork.
Impudent Earthlings.
[ZAPPING.]
Really? Now it's my turn.
[CRACKLES.]
Uh-oh, this beamer still has some power.
Oh, you don't know how happy that news makes me.
Stop, everyone, you're fighting over a bunch of worthless junk.
Junk? But you said these were Earth's greatest artworks.
They would be if only they were genuine.
See for yourselves.
"Made in the Crab Nebula.
" It's a fake.
Oh, no.
All the works have them.
Dob, we've been taken.
If word of this gets back to the art galaxy, we'll be the laughing stock of Lukra.
On the other hand, the people of Earth love these things, even if they are fake.
Return them and no one will ever know.
BOTH: Deal.
[ZAPPING.]
MICHELANGELO: This is it, amigos, my very last slice of pizza.
The Lukrons never considered that the stickers themselves might be the true fakes.
And speaking of fakes As you can see Leonardo da Vinci used this very special technique to paint his-- Wait, what's this? The Crab Nebula? Michelangelo, you said you took all those stickers off.
Well, okay, so maybe I missed a few.
This can only mean one thing: Leonardo was a space alien.
Either that or a turtle.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
[.]

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