The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s06e01 Episode Script

Save the Town

1 [CAT PURRS, MEOWS.]
[FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[GIGGLES.]
- [PUSS YOWLING.]
- El Gato! [YOWLS.]
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
[LIGHTNING CRASHES.]
[LIGHTNING CRASHES.]
"In fond memory of Dulcinea, "beloved member of our community.
" "Rest in peace, Toby.
We will miss you.
" [SOBBING.]
I'll miss me too.
Hmm.
There is something very wrong here.
I'll say.
Look at this guy and his dumb beard.
[CHUCKLES.]
And what kind of crazy name is Artephius? No, I mean my headstone.
"Puss in Boots, great guy.
"Did some neat stuff.
" "Did some neat stuff"? This is no sufficient epitaph for a hero such as myself.
[GIGGLES.]
Actually, it says "Pus in Boots.
" What? Ugh.
A disgusting word.
This must be corrected posthaste! Don't you think we should be more concerned with the fact that we have graves? Yes, this is also troubling.
Is it not, Babieca? [CHUFFS.]
Although he cannot make words anymore, he agrees.
Wait, if we have graves, maybe we're g-g-g-ghosts! [SCREAMS.]
Do not be ridiculous, Toby.
I have never been a ghost before, and I am not going to start now.
Maybe we should see if someone can explain what happened.
An excellent suggestion.
We go! [WIND WHISTLING.]
I know it's early, but doesn't the town seem kind of empty? Mm-hmm.
Something is amiss.
Look at how my whiskers are sticking straight out.
That is a sign of danger.
[PAJUNA GASPS.]
[ALL EXCLAIM.]
You You're You're alive.
You're all alive! - [NEIGHS.]
- Oh! Is it weird that she hugged the horse first? [BOTH.]
Ooh! [GRUNTING SOFTLY.]
- Oh! - [GRUNTS.]
Aah! When you didn't come back, we assumed you'd died.
We had funerals.
[CHUCKLES.]
I played the bagpipes.
Nuh-uh, we weren't dead.
We were in the Netherworld, where we joined up with a wizard and the Zephelim to defeat the Blind King, who turned out to be Evil Puss, so that the Tiny Queen could rule once more! Mm-hmm, but did you hear what I just said? I played the bagpipes.
Hmph.
I feel like you should be more impressed.
But why did you have funerals? We have only been gone a day or so.
Are you mad? You've been gone just over a year now.
- [ALL SCREAM AND GASP.]
- Wait.
Didn't someone say time worked different in the Netherworld? No.
Why, does it? Yeah.
It was that Artephius guy.
Or he would have said it if he hadn't been slacking off.
Shirker.
Pajuna, where is everybody? You don't know? They're all gone.
- Where? - I don't know.
Scattered to the wind, I imagine.
And you'd better go too.
Go on.
Scoot! Shoo! They won't like you being here.
- Who won't? - [RAUL.]
Us! Us won't.
Ha! A few thieves? [CHUCKLES.]
This is not a problem.
No, Puss.
Hundreds of thieves.
San Lorenzo is a thief town now! Never! I will now demonstrate to them that this is still very much a cat-human-pig-goblin-cow town.
Also, skeletons.
- [GROANS.]
- Pablo, remember me? The name is Raul, and, no, I do not.
[GASPS.]
You have forgotten me? Then let me jog your memory.
Oy! [ALL GRUNTING AND EXCLAIMING.]
Ha-ha! [ALL GRUNTING AND EXCLAIMING.]
Ha! [RAUL.]
Oh, right.
Now I remember.
[GROANS.]
Puss in Boots.
[GROANS.]
Right? Puss in Boots? The former protector of San Lorenzo? They say he did some neat stuff.
Fiends, allow me to show you what sort of neat stuff I did.
[GRUNTS.]
[ALL EXCLAIMING.]
- [THIEF CRYING.]
- Hyah! [THIEVES SHOUTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[LAUGHTER.]
[PUSS PANTING.]
Fine.
You have won the first round.
Apparently I'm fatigued by all the inter-wordly travel.
How about you let me go and we just say best two out of three? Um, we have to ask the boss.
Um, I am sorry.
The boss? [LAUGHTER.]
[GROANS.]
This guy? Well, well, well.
Puss in the Boots.
I thought you were dead.
And I do hate to be wrong.
You think you can just steal San Lorenzo? I already have, Puss in the Boots.
And it's not San Lorenzo anymore.
It's The Fortress of El Moco.
What? It is not a fortress.
No, but it will be after I blow up the town and build a fortress in its place! I'm getting one last shipment of explosives tomorrow, and that should be enough.
Then, boom, no more town! This I will not allow.
- Oh, really? - Yes.
Really, very, really.
I am the sworn protector of San Lorenzo, and that means that I must get rid of you and bring back the San Lorenzans.
You're going to find that very difficult - when you have no arms or legs! - [CHUFFS.]
I enjoy a challenge.
[WHISTLES.]
[NEIGHS.]
[MEN YELLING.]
[EL MOCO GRUNTS.]
[DULCINEA.]
Whoo! Ha! Toby! Artephius! [BOTH PANTING.]
- Yah! - Yah! [TOBY PANTING.]
[PUSS.]
I will make San Lorenzo as it once was! [GRUMBLES.]
So swears Puss in Boots! [WIND WHISTLING.]
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
I cannot believe I left San Lorenzo unguarded for a year.
And now it is on the verge of being destroyed.
I have failed everyone.
Don't be silly, Puss.
You haven't failed anyone.
You saved the Netherworld, and you blocked the portal.
That's some neat stuff.
- [GRUMBLES.]
- Sorry, too soon.
I could have protected them.
I should have protected them.
And I still can! I will find every single child, woman, skeleton, man, horse, goblin, and, uh, whatever Kid Pickles is.
He's human.
Agree to disagree.
I will find them all, bring them back here, and we will get rid of the thieves, together! Then everything will be just exactly the way it was.
But what if they don't want to come back? It's been a year.
They might be happy where they are.
They cannot be happy where they are.
They can only be happy in San Lorenzo.
Because that is where eh that is where they belong.
Maybe you think they can only be happy in San Lorenzo because that's where you were happy.
What? Nonsense.
I am a loner, a nomad, a free spirit! Uh-huh.
You say that a lot.
I will save San Lorenzo from being destroyed and make it as it once was.
But how are we going to find everyone? Hey! Maybe we can use this to find 'em.
[GASPS.]
The dowsing rod.
Where did you get it? My robe.
Uh, but I thought it was broken.
Yeah, I fixed it a while back.
[SHOUTS.]
[EXHALES WEAKLY.]
Hey, rod, we're looking for the lost San Lorenzans.
Where's the nearest one? [ROD WARBLING.]
[GASPS.]
Someone is still there! Give me that! Hear me, rod! Where is the nearest one who is not Pajuna? [ROD WARBLING.]
[GASPS.]
Someone is still there! Duh.
Artephius just said that.
[ARTEPHIUS GROANS.]
Oh! [ROD WARBLING.]
Of course.
Someone has taken refuge in the Mole Kingdom.
I wonder who could be down here.
The mayor? Kid Pickles? He may be part mole.
It is hard to say.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [MANIACAL LAUGHTER ECHOES.]
[ROD CLATTERS.]
[BLOWING RASPBERRIES AND HUMMING.]
Ah, Eames, you're, like, the funnest guy ever.
[LAUGHS.]
Why, thank you, Sire.
And if I do say so, you're the handsomest mole king I've ever known.
Oh, my gosh! I'm the handsomest mole king I've ever known too! What are the odds? - Oh! - This guy really gets me.
[GROANS.]
Eames.
You know, as I think about it, do we really need to bring Eames back to town with us? Let us not disturb him.
We go.
Hurry! [LAUGHTER CONTINUES.]
[BLOWING RASPBERRIES.]
Oh! Oh! Eames! Surprise! [LAUGHS.]
Dulcinea? Puss! Whoa! I thought you guys were dead or some junk.
I even came to the funeral.
That cow played some kind of hilarious flute bag.
- Oh! - It was insane.
It was like [MOANING.]
It was weird.
Well, what happened was, we went to the Netherworld and Ah, bup-bup-bup.
Not into long stories, kid.
But wait.
Hold up.
You guys sure you're not dead? Let me see.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Stop that.
Please stop.
I am alive.
Can you not see that I am alive? You must stop.
This is humiliating.
I am not dead.
- I want to get poked! - [GASPS.]
Whee! [GRUNTING AND LAUGHING.]
It tickles.
Stop it.
Stop it.
[LAUGHS.]
Uh, what do you think, Royal Adviser? Your Majesty, it is my official opinion that they are not dead and we should have fudge.
Fudge! Great job, Royal Adviser.
Fudge for everyone! [ALL EXCLAIM, GIGGLING.]
[GASPS.]
Oh! Ah! [TOBY.]
Yay! [ALL CHOMPING.]
[GROANING.]
[PANTING.]
Royal adviser? Wow, Eames, that's wonderful.
I know.
Isn't it? Accidentally falling into the Mole Kingdom was the best decision I ever made.
Oh, I'm so happy in my new life.
What? Everyone in San Lorenzo ignored me and treated me like garbage.
And you were the worst! Me? What did I do? [SHOUTING.]
Ow! Trout! Ow! Ow! A gesture of affection, my friend.
Now come back up to San Lorenzo with me at once! - No way! - [GROANING.]
You're mean, Puss in Boots! I'm not going back, not unless you not unless you admit I'm your best friend.
What? Never! I would sooner admit that Attila the Hun is my best friend, and he and I barely know each other.
We have hung out, like, what, one, two, three times, tops.
You are dead to me, Eames.
I will never speak to you again! Fine by me! Sorry, Eames.
Sorry.
[ALL MOANING AND CHOMPING.]
Ah, don't let him get to you, champ.
You want some fudge? No! You want some fudge? Maybe.
- Ha! I knew you did.
- [BARKING.]
[PANTING.]
- Who's my royal adviser? - I am.
- Who's my royal - It's me.
It's me.
[PUSS.]
Huh, can you believe that guy? The nerve.
Eames, best friend.
Ha! Look! [CLEEVIL.]
Grow! Grow! Grow! I need some cooperation here! Grow! Grow! Grow! Grow! Grow! I'm done being [SEÑORA ZAPATA.]
Cleevil! What is with the yelling? Talking to your plants makes 'em grow faster, so I figured yelling at your plants would make 'em grow even faster.
Come on, you stupid plants! I believe in you! - Cleevil! - [SCREAMING.]
Ghost! [PUSS GROANS.]
Ha.
Pretty solid for a ghost.
That is because I am not dead.
[TOBY.]
Yay! [GIGGLING.]
[ALL EXCLAIM SOFTLY.]
[LAUGHTER.]
[CLEEVIL.]
Oh, yeah! Did you know that you are not dead? [TOBY GIGGLES.]
Oh! Puss in the Boots! I thought I would never see you again.
And I [PUSS.]
Hmm? had no strong feelings about that because I dislike you.
So I see.
What happened to you guys, anyhow? Well, we went to the Netherworld and Okay, I was looking for, like, a one, maybe two-word answer.
My friends [GRUNTS.]
I have sworn to return you to your home, making all as it once was.
To San Lorenzo! [ALL CHEER.]
[WIMBLEGURP GRUNTING.]
Did I stutter? It is time to go.
San Lorenzo will be destroyed tomorrow if we do not return at once and fight off the thieves.
We cannot go, Puss in the Boots.
What? Why not? Well, you see when the thieves took over San Lorenzo, we were forced to flee.
[CLEEVIL.]
For days, we ran through the woods, tired and hungry.
[KID PICKLES.]
Then we got here, and we found a bunch of vegetables, and we ate 'em all.
I do not understand.
So you ate some vegetables.
Why does that mean you cannot leave? [FONVIL.]
Because they ate all the vegetables, and they're gonna stay here until they grow enough to replace 'em! Ha! So you are holding my friends prisoner.
What? No.
They're just doing what's right.
They felt bad about eating all our crops, so they promised to stay and help us grow more.
It's only fair.
Yes, Puss.
It is called common decency.
Maybe you should try it sometime.
[SCOFFS.]
Would you What is it with you and that sword, man? You point it at people all the time, like point, point, pointy-point, point-point-point, point, point.
I am insecure about my height.
The vegetables are the goblins' livelihood.
We cannot leave until they are replaced.
And did you know that vegetables take a long time to grow? Hey, look! I think a new cucumber is coming in.
Grow! Oh, false alarm.
It's a caterpillar.
And it ate all the cucumbers.
It's weird.
Goblins are supposed to be good at farming.
Why do I stink at this? [GRUNTS.]
Goblins, hear me now! It is vegetables you desire, yes? [FONVIL.]
Uh, yes? So if I can provide you with vegetables, my friends can go? Hmm, that seems all right.
Then I will find you the vegetables you desire.
Ha! Onward to vegetables! And glory! Ooh! - [THUD.]
- [GASPS.]
I'm gonna stay here, if that's okay.
[GIGGLES.]
I think Wimblegurp missed me.
That will be fine.
We will return shortly with the vegetables, and glory! Hey, before you go, I wanted to ask you about Cleevil.
Uh, what is she? I beg your pardon? I mean, she keeps saying she's a goblin, but she's got a neck, man.
Goblins don't have necks.
Look at her and look at me.
Neck.
No neck.
Neck.
No neck.
Neck.
No neck.
It's freaking me out.
Is she Is she a troll? No, they they have the big hair.
We will return with the greatest array of vegetables you have ever seen! Neck.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
Huzzah! Jackpot.
Come, let us raid the radishes and root through the rutabagas! - [MAN.]
Don't touch them! - [GASPS.]
[BOTH SCREAM.]
Ghosts! [PUSS.]
Wait! We are not ghosts.
See, we went to the Netherworld, and we Yeah, yeah, fun story.
We've been living out in the woods.
Just out in the open? - Uh-huh, getting back to basics.
- [NERVOUS CHUCKLE.]
It's been wonderful, just great.
Marvelous.
We love the bears! We sure do! Bears? Yep, yeah, they're the greatest.
And those are their vegetables, so you'd better not touch 'em.
Have you two been Living with bears? Yes! And it's great! So great! We aren't living in constant terror at all! Nope, not at all! And they protect us from the wolves! [LAUGHS.]
Mostly.
[LAUGHTER.]
- I'm scared.
It's a fun job.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- [LAUGHING.]
- What the [SNORING.]
Well, you need fear no bears or wolves, because I am here to bring you back to San Lorenzo.
We must be there by tomorrow to fight off the thieves before they destroy the town.
- We leave at once! - [BEAR GROWLING.]
Oh, I don't think the bears like that plan.
[CHUCKLES.]
Huh? Ooh.
[WHIMPERING.]
- [GROWLING.]
- [GASPS.]
At this point, it's important to move very slowly and carefully.
[WOMAN.]
We learned that the hard way.
[WHIMPERS.]
Do you think there is anything that would convince the bears to let you leave? Yep.
They sure do love honey.
And they haven't had any in a while, which is why they're so antsy.
Well, bears, we will bring you some honey to exchange for our friends and all of your vegetables.
But to do that, we will have to leave very slowly and carefully.
Night terrors! Oh, no, the terrors of night! - [ROARS.]
- Whoa! [GRUNTS.]
Whoa! [GROANING AND PANTING.]
[DULCINEA.]
Oh! Oh! [WHIMPERING.]
Dulcinea! [GRUNTS.]
No, chase me! Over here! [PANTING, GRUNTS.]
Ha-ha! Fortunately, bears cannot climb trees.
[BEARS GROWL AND ROAR.]
Ah! Bears can climb trees.
[GRUNTING.]
Ah! [GRUNTS.]
You will have your honey.
This I swear! - [ROARS.]
- Ah! [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
[ROARS.]
We will return with everyone by tomorrow before the fiendish thieves blow up the town.
We will, for the people of San Lorenzo! And maybe a little for you? No! I have sworn to protect them, and they need me.
They need me In a way I have never been needed before.
Whatever you say, Bootsy.
Rod, bring us to bees! What? No, no, no, no, no.
This is madness.
[BOTH GRUNT.]
We're looking for honey, aren't we? Oh, you want me to ask it to bring the bees to us? Ah, even worse.
The thing is, you see, I dislike bees.
You mean you're afraid of bees.
I dislike them.
But you need bees to get honey.
Ha! That is what the bees want you to believe.
Bees are manipulative creatures, what with the lying and the tricking and the stinging me for no good reason.
There must be some other way to get the honey.
Like, what if we make it ourselves? If bees make honey, they must use a recipe, so we must find this recipe.
Now, where does one find recipes? In books! And who has more books than anyone we know? Tranche the Ogre! Puss, we are not going to Ooh, Miguela will be there! I can find out why she never answered any of my 600 letters.
I have a theory.
[DISTANT MOANING AND GROANING.]
Artephius, please tell me that horrifying groaning is coming from you.
[GROANS.]
[MOANING AND GROANING.]
Zombies! [FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING.]