The Awesomes (2013) s01e09 Episode Script

The Super-Hero Awards (1)

Maybe next time you'll think twice before messing with Brains and Brawn! I made the same mistake your father made.
I have underestimated you.
I only hope one day you don't become superheroes because you are obviously going to be super good at it.
- You're good at the voice.
- Thanks! I love playing make-believe in the trophy room.
Why do our dads not let us in here? I guess they're afraid we'll break something.
They should trust us.
Hey, what are you doing? This is a bust of my grandfather, the original Muscleman.
I want to get a closer look.
- Be careful.
- I am being careful.
- That's why I'm knocking it with a stick.
- No! What is the meaning of this? Papa, who broke your head? Was this you, boy? It was me.
I'm sorry.
Well, Jeremy, I hope you like jigsaw puzzles.
I love jigsaw puzzles.
How do you not know that about me? - I'm president of the Jigsaw Club.
- You're going to stay here until you glue that entire bust back together.
Ah.
You're the best, buddy.
I can't believe you would take the fall for me just so I wouldn't get in trouble.
Well, now you are gonna get in trouble.
- Why's that? - They're still here.
Now you will both be gluing all day.
I hope you're happy.
Happy? I'm thrilled.
I'd do anything all day with this guy.
He's my best friend.
Prock? Prock? - Prock, are you even listening? - I'm listening.
Well, I asked if it was true that Muscleman has quit the team.
He has, but don't worry, we've already replaced him.
Joyce Mandrake, meet Teleportation Larry.
Teleportation Larry? Isn't he an alcoholic? He was an alcoholic.
He's not anymore.
- That's not how it works.
- It's not? No.
If he was an alcoholic, he's an alcoholic.
He could be a recovering alcoholic.
- That's what he is.
- Where is he, by the way? Probably fighting crime.
I was not at a bar.
- You don't have to say that every time.
- You're the best! - Anything else, Joyce? - Just this.
Next Sunday the White House is hosting the first annual Super Hero Awards.
- Your invitations.
- Red carpet, red carpet! I am like a bull, except when I see red I do not get mad.
I get fabulous.
- You don't seem excited, Prock.
- That's because I'm not.
As my dad always said, "I'm not in this for awards, I'm in this to help people.
" Yes, your father was famously against these sort of affairs, but he's gone now, which is why Dr.
Malocchio thought this would be a good year to hold them.
Oh, this is Dr.
Malocchio's idea? - Then you can definitely count me out.
- Oh, that's too bad.
The Awesomes are nominated for Best Team.
We got nominated! We got nominated! We got nominated! Oh, my God, I can't believe it.
We did it, buddy! I was not at a bar.
This feels awesome This feels awesome Yeah, this feels awesome Now, this feels awesome This feels awesome This feels so awesome I'm Frantic, pretty much the fastest man alive and currently the most popular member of the Awesomes.
And this lovely lady is Gadget Gal.
I'm here because he told me there would be pudding.
You will get your pudding when this is over! Now smile and be TV-friendly for once.
Isn't it weird for the nominee to also work the red carpet? Frantic said if I didn't let him do it he would "murder me until I was dead.
" Can I borrow $5? It's not for booze.
- Was he really the best we could - Yes.
Yes, he was.
You gotta move your eyes from right to left.
Let everybody get the picture they need.
Shout them ou to make them feel good.
How you doing? Looking good.
- This tuxedo you made me is too big.
- Oh, is it? Ain't gonna let my man walk around in no diaper on award night.
You don't seem very happy to be here.
I don't know.
I was excited at first, but doesn't it seem weird to you that we got nominated? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a dream come true.
But it is a little weird, right? Why would we get nominated if we didn't deserve it? That's what I'm trying to figure out.
- Ah, Muscleman! You made it.
- Oh, hello.
Prock, is it? - What? Of course it's Prock.
- Oh, yes.
I remember you.
We used to be best friends but then you hurt my feelings and now I barely remember you.
So you're not here to rejoin the Awesomes? Why would I want to do that? I have my own team now.
- What team? - Muscleman and the Three Dopes.
We're the Three Dopes.
- We fun.
- We good.
The Three Dopes? They're known as being the stupidest heroes in this or any other galaxy.
That's right.
So with them I get to be the smart one.
No more taking orders from you, I get to give the orders.
Go there, do this, do that.
Go dere.
- Do dis.
- Do dat.
What are you guys even doing here tonight? We're here because we're nominated for Best Team.
Wait? You guys? Muscleman and the Three Dopes are nominated for Best Team? You know what your real power is, Prock? Being a bad friend.
Let's go, Dopes.
- You wanna go? - I'll go right now.
- It's go time.
- No.
Not "go" fight, "go" leave.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, you're right.
- Got it.
- Makes sense.
Okay, if they're nominated something is definitely up.
When there's a mystery there's only one person to talk to.
Speaking of mysteries, where is Hotwire? How do you get all the world's heroes in one place? You tell them they could win an award.
That's the problem with superheroes.
Super egos.
You've done a good job, my daughter.
I don't feel like I did a good job.
I feel awful.
Ah, yes.
I wish there had been another way, but I needed someone on the inside.
I needed someone to find me this.
The Global Spectrum Ray.
The last piece of the puzzle.
The perfect machine.
I would let you touch it but your electrical powers might affect its delicate calibration.
I have been waiting a long time to have this toy at my disposal.
Do you have to go through with it? Maybe the world does need superheroes.
My darling, you've been brainwashed by Prock and his band of idiots.
Superheroes are a scourge on this world.
By getting rid of them we will save humanity.
Now, to get this ray downstairs.
Hello, I need some help with my luggage.
How many bags? Um One, but it's not really a bag, it's more of a ray gun.
But not like an evil ray gun.
Like a regular one.
How many guys will it take? I should have thought this through.
Is 50 too many? Yeah, I thought so.
Sounded high when I said it.
Let's say 48 guys.
Oh, thank you.
It begins.
Hello? Yes, now.
Oh, did I not say now? Yeah, I need it right now.
One of tonight's most anticipated moments is a musical tribute to heroes of the 1980s.
I'm joined now by two of that decade's most effective heroes, Shoulderpads Jones and the Stockbroker.
I'll bet you two can't wait to reconnect with all the other heroes from your era.
I'd just like to reconnect with some cocaine.
Where did Tim and Concierge go? - They're looking for Hotwire.
- And who are we gonna talk to? Black Irish.
The world's greatest detective.
- How do we find him? - Oh.
You don't find Black Irish.
He deduces that you're looking for him and then he finds you.
That can't be true.
Mother[BLEEP]! Thanks for coming, Black Irish.
Yeah.
I sensed you guys were looking for me.
- No.
That can't be your real voice.
- You got a problem with it? - No.
But you should.
- Impresario, now is not the time.
It's never the time to leave asthma untreated.
Start talking or I'm gone.
Gone to the doctor to get your throat checked out? Impresario! So listen, Black Irish, something about tonight isn't right.
- What do you mean? - Just look around.
I don't feel like the best superheroes are nominated.
I feel like all of the superheroes are nominated.
Maybe tonight is just a way to get us all in one place.
Damn it.
You're right.
You're supposed to be the world's greatest detective.
How did you miss that? Pride has always been my greatest shortcoming.
There's more.
Ever since I reformed the Awesomes weird things have been happening.
We got locked in the Hologram room, Latonna the psychic told us we had a traitor, we got zapped to a parallel Earth, Muscleman left the team because he thinks we have a traitor, bunch of other stuff that seems to imply we have a traitor.
Your team has a traitor.
- I'll find out who it is and let you know.
- Before you go, take this.
- What is it? - A lozenge.
It will help.
Please make your way to your seats.
The show will begin in 10 minutes.
I hope Concierge and Tim are having some luck finding Hotwire.
Thank you for taking off that tuxedo.
- It was really hard to walk in.
- Let's check the bar.
So I told my ex-wife, you'll get your alimony, because I'm a member of the Awesomes! Uh Whoa, what are you guys looking at? I can't even go in bars anymore, you know.
- Dude.
Just don't.
- I'm a failure.
Sad.
Where could you be, Hotwire? - She disappears a lot, right? - She does seem to do that.
Hmm.
- Hotwire? - Concierge? Um, this is my floor.
Ah, yes.
Goodbye, Hotwire.
It was nice meeting you today for the first time.
Well, it wasn't nice for me, you villainous heel! You will live to regret that insolence! I do not like that guy.
And I am basing it on that, our very first meeting.
Please make your way to your seats.
The show will begin in 10 minutes.
We better get going.
- Hmm.
- Hmm, indeed.
- Ah! Black Irish! What is it? - I know who the traitor is.
What happened to your voice? That lozenge really did the trick.
Thank your friend for me.
It's really disconcerting.
Can you go back to the old voice? Do you want to know who the traitor is or not? Can you write it down? Because I can't stand the new voice.
- Hotwire is the traitor.
- What? Hey, Prock.
Welcome to the First annual Superhero Awards! This is gonna be such an exciting night! - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
Just nervous, I guess.
Babe! Babe! You're sitting down here with me! I'm good here.
I want to sit with my teammates.
I can't hear you because you're whispering! Come down here to the good seats! Your seats are bad because The Awesomes are a bad superhero team! I feel like if I don't go he's just going to keep screaming.
- Go.
- Whatever happens tonight, I just want you to know that I think The Awesomes are the best superhero team.
And I've loved every minute of being a part of it.
Thanks, Hotwire.
We need to talk.
It's about Hotwire.
- We saw her with Malocchio.
- I know.
We have to get out of here.
- Excuse us, watch your toes.
- Excuse me.
Where are you going? Bathroom.
- Wait until the commercial.
- We really have to go.
Commercial.
- Excuse us, pardon us.
- Excuse us.
What are we going to do? We wait until the first commercial and then we get out of here.
- What do we do until then? - I guess we try to enjoy the show? He has one eye, she has nine lives.
Together they're a perfect 10! Please welcome The Blinker and Cat Lady! You know Cat Lady, I only have one eye, but I can still see that you're looking great tonight.
Well, you probably can't see that I'm not interested.
Oh, no! Pre-written host banter! We just have to make it to the first commercial.
He's known for his brains and she eats them, please welcome Mr.
Genius and Little Miss Zombie.
Please tell me you had dinner.
Oh, man.
She's an heiress, he's an air head.
Please welcome Rich Bitch and Mr.
Balloon.
So what are you doing after the show? [bleep] you.
You're a [bleep]ing balloon.
I fail to see the glib artistry in that.
She's a woman made of bricks and he's a squid, please welcome Brick Woman and The Super Squid! It's been an hour and there hasn't been a commercial! They haven't even given out an award.
Please welcome a man without who no night would be perfect, Perfect Man.
I get it! Good evening, everyone.
I'm Perfect Man.
Good evening.
He didn't do his joke.
He always does his joke! Tonight is a special night for me as my fiancée is with us.
Hotwire, I love you and I couldn't live without you.
Something is wrong with Perfect Man.
Earlier this year, the great Mr.
Awesome left us.
It was hard for me because he taught me everything I knew about being a superhero.
But fortunately I met someone else who taught me even more.
He taught me that maybe we don't need teams of superheroes.
Maybe we just need one.
And maybe, just maybe, I could be that one.
Please welcome, the greatest man I have ever met, Dr.
Malocchio.
It's a trap! The whole night has been a trap.
Good evening.
Earlier this year I was released from prison.
My crime? I thought that the world might be a better place without superheroes.
That's why I launched Operation Safe.
I had hoped that superheroes would listen to my logic and willingly give up their powers.
And tonight, every hero who did not, is in this room.
- We need to get out of here now - Shh.
He's making a lot of good points.
But now you are in this room.
And you cannot leave.
Because you are under my control.
Of course, there is one man here who I cannot control, but he doesn't have any real powers so I'm not that concerned.
Hello, Prock! I hope you're enjoying the show! Stop.
I walked my entire team into a trap.
For what? To win an award? I haven't learned anything.
In all the time I've been in charge I haven't learned one single thing.
And now Malocchio is going to win.
With whose help? The girl I was in love with who turned out to be a traitor.
And I have no idea what to do.
Well, might as well face the music.
Start.
So now, without further ado.
- What did I miss? - Teleportation Larry? You're not under Malocchio's mind control? Who dat? Where he? You can't see him so it's not working on you.
Teleportation Larry, I need you to listen to me.
Can you teleport us out of here and into the Hologram Room? Hey, they don't call me Telephone Barry for nothing.
Tonight, with the help of a very special machine, a machine that was invented by the one, the only, Mr.
Awesome, - I will make us all equals.
- How many can you get? As many as you want.
Just gotta be able to see 'em.
All of the Awesomes and Muscleman.
All good, but I don't see Muscleman.
He's over there! I can't see him.
Goodbye powers! Sorry, Muscleman.
Now, Larry! And that is what you call, "the game winner.
" Moments ago, a bright red light blasted out of the windows of the White House during the broadcast of the Superhero Awards.
No word yet what caused the light, but we will update you with news as we get it.
- What happened? - Malocchio set off some kind of ray.
Teleportation Larry got us out just in time.
Where's Teleportation Larry now? He beamed back right after.
He said he forgot his drink.
What kind of ray was it? Why don't I remember it? You don't remember it because you were under Malocchio's mind control.
As for the ray, I wish I knew.
He said it was invented by my father.
- It's the de-powering spectrum ray.
- How do you know that? I know everything about your father and Malocchio.
I was there when they met.
Y'all just know this is about to be a flashback.
Back in the forties, when superheroes first started appearing, Giuseppe Malocchio was the first doctor to study them.
Over time, he became a confidante to many superheroes, but to your father, Prock, he became a best friend.
Together they went into the lab and cracked the super gene.
Your father thought it was important to know where powers came from, but Dr.
Malocchio had a different goal.
Malocchio wanted to use the super serum to make ordinary people super.
He thought the more superheroes the better.
He used it on himself first.
And it worked.
He gained the superpower to control men's minds.
But it had a flaw.
It turned him evil.
Overnight, he went from the best friend of the Awesome Society to its worst enemy.
Not just fighting the team at every turn, but giving the serum to others who longed for power, turning each and every one of them evil along the way.
He and his evil army attacked us for years.
They all had different powers, but you could always tell a Malocchio villain by the trademark evil eye.
Which is the translation of the Italian word "mal occhio.
" Mr.
Awesome was worried that one day Malocchio would get his serum to everyone, so he created a ray that would rob the world of superpowers.
But he never had the heart to use it.
He thought the world needed heroes too much.
He wanted the Awesomes to go on forever, so he put it in the vault where it would be safe.
So how did it get out of the vault? - Hotwire.
- What? Hotwire was working for Malocchio the whole time.
- I can see that.
- Yeah, me too.
I mean, there was always something wrong with her.
I was going to say something, but I knew how much you liked her.
And I did say something, but you liked her so much - you didn't listen.
- Muscleman said something too.
But I didn't believe him, and now he's trapped with Malocchio and his powers are gone.
Take them all to the basement.
I don't understand.
You told me I would be the only superhero, but you didn't tell me you were keeping all the other heroes as prisoners.
Well, I lied.
And if it makes you feel better, it's not the only thing I lied about.
I also lied about letting you keep your powers.
The fact is, I needed you as a spokesman to give me legitimacy.
But now your usefulness is through.
Do you know who I am? Yes.
You're a man who has lost his powers.
- What are you looking at? - You lied to me too.
You told me this was for the betterment of mankind.
As a rule, don't listen to people who say things like "the betterment of mankind.
" They're, on average, huge [bleep].
Look, just be happy I let you keep your powers.
I know you're mad now, but in time I believe you will forgive me and serve by my side.
Father and daughter, ruling the world with an iron Okay, I can tell you're not listening to me, so let's have this conversation another time.
Alright? I have stuff to do.
Hello, I am Dr.
Malocchio.
As of 10 minutes ago, the only people on Earth with superpowers are me and my henchmen.
I'd say make your peace with God, but I'm the only God now.
So get some sleep, and I'll see you guys tomorrow.
It's gonna be a busy day.
Hey, that was fun.
Now, bring me Professor Doctor Awesome.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Can't find them? Right.
No sign? Uh-huh.
Not sure what happened? Know that I'm angry because it's the thing I kept saying was the most important part of the plan? Hope I'm not too mad? Now, is there anything else you'd like to say? We have one of them.
Which one? Muscleman, how sad it is to see you without your super strength.
You suspected that Hotwire was a traitor, did you not? Well, it turns out you were right.
Sad that Prock would not listen to you.
But then again, he never valued your intelligence, did he? That's probably why he left you here when he escaped.
Well, that is where he and I are different.
Because I think you have just the kind of mind I need in my new empire.
And if you were to join me, I would, of course, give you your powers back, and I would give you one more thing.
The chance to exact revenge on your one time friend.
Where do I sign up? And with that, Malocchio returned to the White House with no further information.
We are already receiving reports of army bases being attacked and destroyed by supervillains under Malocchio's command.
I screwed up.
I let my guard down, and because of that Malocchio has the world by the balls.
I let you all down.
A leader is supposed to be better than that.
- I'm really sorry.
- I wouldn't be here if it was for you.
You say you're sorry? I accept your apology.
- Me too.
- And I.
These last few months have been the best in my life.
I can't stay mad at you.
So, what are we gonna do now? We're going to fix it.
Welcome back to the red carpet coverage.
Hey, who's next, Gadget Gal? Oh, look, it's the Jack Link Sasquatch.
Oh, brother.
So, uh, who you wearing? I don't think he's wearing anything.
Right.
And who are you rooting for tonight, Sasquatch? You know, in the awards.
- Where are you from? - Do you bathe? - Do you have a girlfriend? - What's your Twitter handle? - Do you prefer cats or dogs? - You watch Game of Thrones? - What is a Kindle? - Do you like my glasses? Whoa.
Uh-oh.
All right, who's next? Oh, Adam Levine! How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't let me touch you? How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't even dance? How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't even dance? Yeah, you won't even dance