The Awesomes (2013) s02e01 Episode Script

Hotwire's Funeral

Okay, if you're new to The Awesomes, here's what's happened so far.
And now you're all caught up on The Awesomes.
This feels awesome This feels awesome Yeah, this feels awesome Now, this feels awesome This feels awesome This feels so awesome I am Dr.
Giuseppe Malocchio, and this is my last will and testament.
If you are watching this, since my passing, which means according to superhero law I am, as of today, officially a dead person.
First of all, please tend to my pets as soon as possible.
They have not had any food or water for a month.
But do not mourn my passing, for I have lived a full life, and I'm ready for the next great adventure.
Death is a time for reflection, so I'd like to take a moment to read a brief poem.
Ahem.
After a great pain a formal feeling comes the nerves sit ceremonious like tombs he said with a grin as he wiped off his chin if my ear was a All right, now let us begin.
To my sister Elizabeth, I give my Southern Hemisphere underground lair, my Gaggenau dual flow convection oven, and my Stairmaster.
To my secretary, Janice, who has always there in my time of need, I leave the Malocchio Ray, my three ton laser capable of destroying an entire city.
A giant laser? That'll definitely fit in my studio apartment.
To my record producer Larry Monoco, I leave all the remaining copies of my parody rap album, "Malocchi Oh No You Didn't.
" It never sold as well as we thought it would, but, um, you know, I still think there are some songs on there that we can be proud of.
To Kyle, my local Starbucks barista, I leave ten million dollars.
But I've spelled Kyle, K-L-Y-I, so you get nothing! Moving on.
And please donate my body to science, but only if it's evil science.
And I think that should be everything.
Oh, one more thing, my dear son, Giuseppi Malocchio Jr.
You're the one truly moral person in our family.
That is why I'm giving you my most important possession: the last remaining vial of my serum.
The serum that turned me into who I am.
That can give you powers beyond your wildest dreams, but at the cost of turning you toward evil forever.
My son, you must safeguard this serum at all cost.
And it is up to you, my dear, Giuseppi, to keep it out of the wrong hands, to make sure no one uses it to become the monster I turned into many years ago and have remained for the greater part of my life, although, if I'm being honest, the monster years were the fun ones.
Thank you and good night.
You'll be safe in here.
I'll never let anyone evil get to you.
So while it pains me to say it, with the passage of 30 days, the time has come to replace Hotwire.
I asked you all to write down the names of three heroes What? Where is ev Once again, the vigilante superhero known as Metal Fella has thwarted yet another band of criminals.
- Ugh, I hate vigilantes.
- Relax, Prock, it's not a contest.
That is twelve crimes stopped by Metal Fella this month, compared to four for the Awesomes, which means Metal Fella is winning the contest.
- Hey! - We have work to do.
We need to find a new team member.
Maybe we should ask Metal Fella to join the team.
Um, excuse me, but the last I checked, all superheroes are required to be registered with the Office of Superhero Affairs.
You can't just put on a suit and start saving people.
So you're upset he stopped those criminals? "Alleged criminals.
" That's the problem with these vigilantes.
They jump to conclusions when we don't even have all the facts.
- They were pointing a gun at her.
- And one of them said, "Don't mess with me, I'm a criminal.
" Until we have all the facts, we just don't know.
Yeah, maybe she's the one who was attacking them.
- Exactly.
- Or maybe it didn't even happen, and we're not even watching the news, and it's just tiny people putting on a play inside our TV.
Well, no, it's not that.
It's never that.
Well, I think this Metal Fella is a tall drink of water.
He's like a hard, shiny Burt Lancaster.
I'll tell you, after what I'd like to do to him, he'd better hope that suit is rust-resistant.
Mmm.
If you're saying what I think you're saying, he'd probably take off the suit first.
No.
Leave it on.
Bank robbery in progress.
Let's go.
This looks like a job for the Awesomes.
What does? Whatever job you have.
Well, I guess you guys could, I don't know, clean up the mess.
Great.
Oh, baby, that Metal Fella is a true hero.
Morning, Carol.
Today's the big day.
I think I'm gonna get that promotion.
I've been working harder than everyone else, staying later than everyone else.
Heck, forty percent of our revenue comes from my accounts.
Yeah, I got a good feeling about this.
Attention, everyone.
Uh, we've decided we are giving the big promotion to all of you! - Except for Malocchio.
- Oh.
We wish we could've given it to everyone, but we could only give it to everyone except for one person.
Well, congrats, everyone.
- I'm buying all of you a beer.
- Ugh.
I can't believe we're going to Hotwire's memorial.
I I don't know what to expect.
- I expect we'll eat delicious cookies.
- Why would you think that? What else would you do at a Mmm-Oreo? Okay, it's not a "Mmm-Oreo.
" It's a memorial.
We're going to honor the memory of our lost friend.
- Got it.
I will bring my own cookies.
- Or go an hour without cookies.
It's all just so surreal.
Sometimes at night, I'll wake up - and think she's lying next to me.
- That's weird, because she was never lying next to you at night while she was alive.
Hey, Hotwire died saving the world.
And saving your life.
The best way to honor her memory is to just go on with our lives.
- Thanks, Muscleman.
- Of course.
And thank you for letting me borrow your tie.
Unh! Losing a child is the hardest thing a parent can face.
It is different from losing a tissue or losing a wallet, which is not as hard.
I am all alone now, except for my son, Malocchio Jr.
, who is an accountant and is afraid of butterflies.
And we sit here remembering my Katherine, who is like a butterfly.
Don't be scared, baby.
It's just a metaphor.
Her brightly colored wings outstretched, her head is the head of a bug, as she flies off, free, into the night.
Bumpy start, but she saved it at the end.
Mmm.
You brought a date to your girlfriend's funeral? - It's what Hotwire could have wanted.
- Mmm.
That was a beautiful speech, Lady Malocchio.
Thank you.
And good for you that you have the inner strength to move on with a new girlfriend right after the old one got blowed up.
It wasn't easy.
There will always be a spot in my heart reserved for Carmen.
- Katherine.
- No, I'm talking about Carmen.
I'm gonna get a drink.
One club soda, please.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Your sister was an amazing girl.
- Yeah, she sure was.
and it's like, everyone's ignoring the fact that what he's doing is like completely illegal.
Well, I'm on your side.
That Metal Fella sounds like a real pain.
Prock seems drunk.
How much has he had? He's still on his first.
You know, you and I are the same.
But we're also different.
My Dad was the world's biggest hero, yours was the world's worst villain.
But even though Malocchio was your dad, you chose the normal life.
Me? I tried that too.
But in the end, anything that wasn't being a superhero was just soul-crushingly boring to me.
But you're okay with a normal life, and I respect you so much for that.
I need that rush, but you're fine crunching numbers and making small talk with Jim from accounting.
Well, it's an accounting firm.
So everyone's from accounting.
- We just call him "Jim.
" - And I'm sure you're the top dog at your firm.
Actually, everyone just got a promotion but me.
But you didn't care.
You were probably like, "Walk all over me, everyone, because I am good with who I am.
" I did take everyone out for a beer.
And I bet they laughed behind your back when you did.
- I bet Carol did.
- And what's so great is, you could have been feared like your father, with immense power, the whole world in the palm of your hand.
But you said, "No, thanks.
" You didn't want a life where every day was an adventure, - an adventure of evil.
- Uh-huh.
You didn't want to steal all the gold in the world and make a giant gold watch, just because.
Right, my Dad did that one time.
And the last thing you would ever want to do was show all the people that have taken you for granted that you're better than they are.
You know what? I'll be right back.
He seems nice.
Okay, it's time to put a stop to this Metal Fella menace once and for all.
It's simple.
We pretend to rob this store, which lures Metal Fella here to try and stop us, and then, using teamwork, we trap him.
I don't know.
This just doesn't seem like a very good idea.
Plus I don't even want to catch Metal Fella.
He seems nice, and he makes a pleasant whirring sound when he walks.
It may seem nice now, but when vigilantes flout the law, people can get hurt.
Now let's run into this store and wave guns around.
Got him! Frantic! What happened to teamwork? I'm sorry, Prock, but all I care about now is what happened to my net.
My sweet, sweet net.
You wanna be a superhero? Villain! Supervillain, like Dad.
But we spent all that money on accounting school.
Ugh.
I don't know why I thought you'd understand.
I just don't get it.
Your job had such good benefits.
- Do you think they'd take you back? - Considering that last night I destroyed their office with my powers, probably not.
Well, Linda's son works at Kesington Parker.
- I'll give her a call.
- No, mom.
This is what I do now.
Okay, what do you think? I'm gonna call myself The Auditor, or maybe CPA.
And right before I attack someone, I'll make a funny accounting quip like, "I hope you have all your deductions in order.
" - Or "You do the math.
" - Oh.
That's funny.
- Where are you going? - I'm gonna attack a bunch of people, and then I'm gonna destroy the city, and then I'm gonna take down the Awesomes, the greatest superheroes in the world! Okay.
Well, take my magic flying bag.
Won't this look too girly on me? No, it's unisex.
It will look like a messenger bag.
Ah.
Okay, thanks.
Move out the We all tried to go through the door at the same time.
Okay, you know what? I found him.
Alexander Price.
Billionaire, philanthropist, accomplished pilot, and amateur MMA champion.
Price started his career at 19 when he developed a technology to turn people's old cell phones into clean water for African villagers.
Within three years, Price was the fifteenth richest man in the country, earning a reputation as playboy and the most eligible bachelor in the clean water world.
But then overnight, he suddenly became a recluse and withdrew into his fortress-like compound at the top of Eldon Hill.
And I'm not sure why anyone would care, but he is our leading suspect for the identity of Metal Fella.
The only thing I can't figure out is the energy source.
To power a suit like this would take the energy of a small power plant.
But I'll have an answer soon enough, because tonight, Alexander Price is making an exceedingly rare public appearance at a clean water event at the Natural History Museum.
- Wow, I'm so excited.
- Ugh.
Now that the mystery's gone, I just don't feel it anymore.
I don't want a face.
I want a featureless metal panel.
Excuse me.
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, I'm going to attack you now.
Uh hope you have all your deductions in order.
Ha, ha! You wouldn't want to have to borrow from your 401K to subsidize your Ah, never mind.
Look out! It's the Girly Shrieker! No, actually, I'm the Auditor! - Or maybe CPA, still deciding.
- He has a purse! Help! Someone help us! It's Purseman! What? No, it's a messenger bag! - What does the "A" stand for? - Uh, maybe asexual? Because he's kind of like a man, but kind of like a woman.
- That's not what asexual means.
- English isn't my first language.
Metal Fella better not beat us there this time.
I was once like you, just a simple accountant.
But I chose to follow in my father's footsteps.
To be feared with immense power, to have the whole world in the palm of my hand.
Heh.
Note to self, stop drinking mudslides, am I right? But now I'm gonna do the one thing my father was never able to accomplish.
I will attack Awesome Mountain and destroy The Awesomes.
Okay, here's the plan.
Half of us will go confront Alexander Price, while the other half stays - here to deal with Malocchio Jr.
- Um, seriously? Don't you remember? We talked about this earlier.
Oh, you mean earlier, as in before that Malocchio Jr.
destroyed an entire city block with his feminine yell? And vowed to kill all of us and destroy Awesome Mountain? Or do you not remember that happening? Right.
So Gadget Gal, Muscleman, Impresario, and Sumo, you come with me to the museum.
Frantic, you stay here and stop Malocchio Jr.
I just don't even know why I try anymore.
I mean, am I the only person who has any respect for the law? Okay, we need to find Malocchio Jr.
How do we do that? Why don't we stake out a purse store? - Yeah! - Yeah.
I like that.
And then when he comes, I'll catch him with my net.
Oh, right.
My sweet, sweet net.
Guess we're back to square one.
So did you make up this whole event just to lure me here? Or does, like, no one care about clean water? Both.
I knew you hated Metal Fella and would do anything to stop him.
And come on, Alexander Price is the obvious choice, so I made you think you'd find him here tonight.
Ugh.
Well, do what you want with me, but know that the rest of The Awesomes are safe.
Awesome Mountain is equipped with a noise cancellation shield.
My Dad set it up when they were doing construction across the street.
That's where you come in.
You see, you are going to give me the code - that deactivates that shield.
- And why would I do that? I'm glad you asked.
Hotwire! You're alive! I can't believe it! Oh, my God, it's really you! Well, I could not be happier.
I mean, there's a few things I would change.
Yes, my sister is alive.
But not for long if you don't cooperate.
Hey, I'm here for the clean water thing.
I saw the sign out front.
I'm just gonna go.
So what's it going to be, Prock? Do you give me the shield code, or do you let Hotwire perish! Stop.
Okay, I have to save Hotwire's life, I have no choice.
But I don't want to betray my teammates.
Plus, saving someone's life might seem like I'm coming on pretty strong.
I don't want to push Hotwire back into the friend zone.
Maybe I'll be like "Hey, Hotwire.
Oh, I saved your life? Didn't even realize.
" Yeah, perfect.
Problem solved.
Oh, except for how to not kill all my friends.
Well, even if I do deactivate the noise cancellation shield, they should still be protected by the auxiliary defense shield.
Okay, it's settled.
Start.
Here's your code.
Hey, guys, I just deactivated our auxiliary defense shield.
It'll save us $80 a month on electricity.
- Terrific! - Good work! - Nice! Looks like we can manage things pretty well even without Prock.
Can't believe I betrayed my team.
But it will all be worth it if Hotwire gets out of this alive.
Oh, yeah, I made that up.
Wow! That was a really good mask.
Now I'm gonna destroy The Awesomes, and you'll have a front row seat.
Welcome to our home.
Can I get you something? Oh, yeah, sure.
Looks like you guys could use a hand.
Oh, great, just what I need.
- You were right, Prock.
- What do you mean? When you said we were the same.
It doesn't matter that we're smarter than them, that we're better than them, they just won't listen.
We do everything right, and all everyone does is walk all over us.
Join me, Prock.
Together we can rule the world.
No one will ever take us for granted again.
Suit yourself.
But look around you, Prock.
In about 10 minutes, you won't have anything left to live for.
I am all alone now, except for my son Malocchio Jr.
, who is an accountant and is afraid of butterflies.
That's it! Frantic! - Go find some butterflies.
- But my net has a hole in it.
Just get them and throw them at Malocchio Jr.
Sorry! Oh, no.
Oh, no! I can't do it anymore! You broke my voice! Nice messenger bag! Thank you! - Great idea with the butterflies, Prock.
- Aw, really? Thanks! And sorry I broke your arm up there.
- Ah, it's okay.
- I'm a fan of what you guys do.
Well, I'm a fan of what you do.
You're the best.
Man, I was wrong about Metal Fella.
What a cool dude.
Hey, maybe we should focus on vacuuming after we fix the huge holes in the wall.
Yeah, that's the problem.
Not that Prock turned Malocchio Jr.
evil or that Prock gave up the code to disable our shield.
It's that I'm vacuuming! Don't worry, Prock.
We'll get this place - back like new in no time.
- It's not that.
It's just for one minute I thought Hotwire was actually alive.
How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't let me touch you? How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't even dance? How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't even dance? Yeah, you won't even dance