The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (2016) s01e16 Episode Script

1
Makoto, what are you doing?
Ciao.
Don't just say "Ciao"!
What are you doing in my bed?
Nothing.
I was tired, so I took a nap.
Why didn't you sleep in your own bed?
We're siblings. What's the big deal?
Putting that aside, I want to talk.
Fine. I need to change. Get out.
Okay. Go ahead.
I said, I need to change.
Don't worry.
I am not looking.
You are staring!
Enough of this!
Get out of my room!
That's what happened.
Since then, Kokomi won't talk to me.
Get out. Pervert.
It was a lovers' quarrel.
Do you know about lovers' quarrels?
It is when two people in love
get into a small fight.
Only I can have lovers' quarrels
with Kokomi!
Get to the point.
We will be filming
in our neighborhood tomorrow.
Many show business people will be there.
If they notice Kokomi's beauty,
it's finished.
-What will happen if she gets discovered?
-I don't care.
She will become a TV star
right after her debut.
She will become the queen of plays,
films, and commercials.
She will steal the jobs
from famous actresses.
I doubt that.
Kokomi has no interest in show business.
Of course flowers in a flower shop
are beautiful!
I want to become a wildflower
which surpasses all others!
Therefore, you may tell Kokomi
not to be near the filming site.
But you cannot say anything besides that!
Don't look at her.
-Keep a ten-meter distance from her.
-Don't be ridiculous.
I would tell her myself,
but we are in a lovers' quarrel.
Good luck.
Why me?
However, it would be a problem
if Teruhashi joined show business.
Every day, her fans would gather
at the school gates.
My brother spoke to you?
I am sorry if he caused you any trouble.
He did.
Why are you so far away?
Ask your brother that.
Sorry about this.
That idiot!
He bothered Saiki again!
I need to apologize!
An apology
Well, I've done my job. I'm leaving.
Wait, Saiki.
Do you have free time after school?
I need to apologize!
This is a great opportunity.
It can't be helped. It's an apology.
If you want
Just an apology!
Nothing more than that!
Would you like to get tea after school?
I'll let you go on a date with me!
You should be honored.
This is the first time in my life
that I asked someone out on a date.
Now, I'll get to see him gasp. What?
That must be it.
He is so moved that he can't speak.
That's right. No man would refuse
to go out on a date with me.
I was going to reject her.
Look, since we can't go
to the filming site,
we can go to a neighboring town.
It can't be. Please say yes quickly!
If he rejects me, I will die.
I won't be able to live on!
Well, I can't refuse her now.
An after-school date with Saiki
in a neighboring town!
No, not a date. It's a gesture of apology!
It couldn't be helped.
-She's so cute!
-Is that cute girl from our town?
She's so happy!
Saiki must be in bliss!
He gets to go on a date with me.
He must be so happy
that he can't stop smiling!
-I can easily make him gasp 20 times.
-Good grief.
I thought since no one knows me here,
this would be okay.
-Who is that guy?
-Her wallet.
I want to beat him up.
I am going to say
I have a stomachache and leave.
Do you like sweets?
There is a great cake shop near here.
I'll leave after having a cake.
I did my research. Saiki loves sweets!
Wow, cake!
-Now, he can't stop gasping!
-Wow, Teruhashi!
It's closed.
Sorry!
It's closed today.
Let's go to that shopping area.
We can find a new shop.
ONE HOUR LATER
Nothing is here.
How can there be no restaurants
in a shopping area?
Why were there three tatami stores
next to one another?
Isn't that a cafe?
-Another tatami store?
-This area is full of tatami stores.
Are you looking for something?
We were looking for a place
to have some tea.
-I know one! I'll show you!
-Take this. You might get sunburn.
I have a coupon for that shop!
I will save you some seats!
This is lovely!
GASP
A gasp parade!
-Would you like some more coffee?
-Thank you. We are fine now.
Saiki made me forget,
but I am a perfect beauty!
Let's continue this date.
Good grief. Teruhashi is tough to break.
Whatever. I'll get through this and leave.
The filming must be done.
I am sick of listening to that director.
How can he suddenly change locations?
It is just a neighboring town.
I didn't need to ask him for help.
They are headed this way.
We need to finish up our cake
and leave immediately.
This is bad.
The film staff changed their plans
and are heading this way.
If they see Teruhashi,
this will cause a stir.
What should I do? This is not good.
I need to do something.
Do you want another piece?
I need to do something quickly.
That was yummy. Right, Saiki?
Good grief.
We stayed here for too long
when the film crew is heading this way.
This town is fairly large.
It is unlikely
that we would run into them.
That shop is really popular.
Let's check it out.
Good idea. If the cake is tasty,
I can come here with Kokomi.
That was a quick plot development.
In any case, we need to leave now.
You're going? Could you wait for me?
Everyone wants to shake my hand.
This isn't the time for that!
I have only one choice!
It's closed.
Really?
A girl is shaking hands inside.
Is this some sort of an idol event?
Touru, sneak in there.
Everyone will be really excited.
That would ruin her meet and greet.
Everyone would gather around me.
You would actually be getting in line too.
Too bad. Let's go somewhere else.
Let's wrap this up quickly.
-Your total is 6,850 yen.
-That's expensive.
-I'll pay! How much?
-Really? How about 200 yen?
-That's inexpensive. I also have a coupon!
-Make it 20 yen.
I would like to be reincarnated
as a beautiful girl.
Is my brother done with his shoot?
We should be okay.
-What do you say, Saiki?
-Let's go straight back.
What is with this guy?
I am clearly showing him that I'm willing
to spend more time with him,
but he wants to leave.
He is going straight to the station.
No. That may not work.
They are at the station!
This is bad. I can't go.
Did he stop?
Saiki is conflicted, isn't he?
I really want to spend more time
with Teruhashi!
But I feel too bad to ask her!
Is that why he stopped?
What a poor boy.
It can't be helped. I'll say it!
If you have some time, do you want
to spend a little more time together?
The date continues.
I haven't been here in a while!
Look at all of them!
All things considered,
this is a good opportunity.
I can execute a strategy
for Teruhashi to dislike me.
They have a karaoke too.
I don't feel like bowling.
I want to do karaoke.
-Two for bowling.
-What?
I feel bad, but this is for the best.
Couldn't he have at least
asked me what I wanted to do?
Right!
He must want to show off.
Bowling was the best way
to demonstrate his coolness.
But Saiki is probably too nervous
to play well.
That might make for a good match with me.
I shall humiliate her!
I bet she's less fond of me now.
Look! There is a stuffed Gorillabbit!
Are you good at this?
I choose the opposite.
I shall win the beautiful girl figure
which you looked at with disgust before!
Next.
I didn't know Saiki was like this.
Teruhashi can't be interested
in me anymore.
Let's go back.
Yes. Let's do that.
-I'm exhausted.
-What?
Oh, no! Since there were so many people,
and I was focusing on listening
to Teruhashi's thoughts.
I didn't notice them.
We need to go now!
-Four-eyes?
-Time's up.
Kokomi?
No. I still have time.
We have the same interests!
Right! I told her that we were
shooting in town.
She escaped to the neighboring town
with Four-eyes.
Damn you, Four-eyes!
He used this as an opportunity
to go out on a date with Kokomi!
Calm down! Don't forget your goal.
What's wrong?
This is bad! We need to flee!
What?
Get him! He grabbed her hand!
Don't let him get away!
One minute. I can buy us some time.
Here?
They're gone. Did they go over there?
It was close.
Double invisibility.
I am able to make others invisible too
by touching them.
What is with him? I cannot believe this!
How dare he hold hands with me?
It seems like taking her hand
made her hate me more.
How selfish is he?
It worked out.
Now it's over.
And yet
Why am I this excited?
Do you want a picture?
So that turns you on?
DECEMBER 24TH
Santa isn't real!
Of course he is.
He is, Taku.
Ken said he wasn't.
Someone came.
It may be Santa.
It's probably just a delivery man.
No way. Santa?
Of course I wouldn't fall for this.
Did my parents ask you to do this?
Good work.
Can I get my present now?
-What a brat.
-Ouch!
He disappeared!
-Mama, Santa came! He's real!
-Good grief.
Why am I doing this?
I'm Santa Claus, Saiki!
I am going to give
the neighborhood children presents.
Have you finally lost it, Dad?
When we told our neighbors
how your dad always dresses as Santa,
they all wanted him
to come to their homes.
Don't embarrass our family.
Everyone is waiting for Kuniharu Roast.
That sounds like meat.
I'm off!
-Honey! What's wrong?
-I pulled my lower back.
This is bad.
I really did it this time.
-I really did it.
-We heard you already!
Kusuo. Please.
Good grief. Fine.
No good. I can't use that.
I used it this morning.
I hit the corner of the dresser!
That hurts!
I see.
You will need to hand out the presents.
-I refuse.
-I beg of you! Santa Kusuo!
-I don't want that dumb name.
-I will do it!
Leave it to me!
So that is why I had to do this.
I could not let my 37-year-old mother
walk around the neighborhood
dressed as Santa Claus.
Good grief. I'll do this quick.
I guess it's better to fly around
like the real Santa.
Is this the next house? What a pain.
Papa, will Santa come soon?
-I'm sure he will.
-Great!
When he comes, I want him to pick me up.
It can't be helped. It's for the children.
Santa comes down the chimney, right?
I don't know about that.
What? The real Santa
wouldn't just ring the doorbell!
But the chimney is dangerous.
Santa can do that no problem!
If he uses the front door,
I'll be filled with despair!
"Despair"?
Where did you learn that word?
It's Santa.
Santa!
Yikes.
Don't despair.
-Here's a present.
-Put it over there.
Brat.
Didn't you want him to pick you up?
I'll pass.
I appreciate your hard work.
Don't act so formal.
Good grief.
All of these children are brats.
No chimney here. Good!
What is it?
Who are you?
Do you not know Santa?
Mother isn't here!
Please go away!
You have to know Santa.
Think hard. This is Santa Claus.
What?
What?
-Satan Claws?
-I didn't say that!
-No! I am Kanta!
-That's close to Santa.
Tell your children
when Santa is coming, Parents!
Is this the last one?
I want to finish this and go eat cake.
What do you mean?
Does your job really need you now?
They do. There's been an incident.
What about the party?
-Think about poor Kenta.
-I told you that I had to work!
This is not the time for me to show up.
-I'll leave it at the entrance.
-Santa. I don't need a present.
I have one wish.
Please let Papa and Mama get along.
Please let us
celebrate Christmas together.
Please, Santa.
Please! Santa!
That's impossible.
Making a wish? Santa is not a god.
Don't hold out hope on a guy
who only works once a year!
Good grief.
What a pain.
Out of the way!
I will make up for it later!
I can't believe you!
What? It has been resolved?
How?
What? Santa came?
Look! There's a present!
It's Santa!
Santa helped Papa out!
Thank you! Santa!
Good grief. That was a long night.
Now I get why Santa
takes the rest of the year off.
Happy New Year!
Here is your present.
Be good and healthy this year.
Here is my present for you too!
Spend it on something good!
RUBBING
What is it? It should be
the same amount as mother's.
-Santa.
-What?
-Late to work.
-Well, that's
-Spilled coffee on the manuscript.
-Okay, Ku!
Here you go!
This should be enough.
Let's get going.
I want to purchase a TV.
Since the TV in my room broke
three years ago
I have had to use time reversal every day
to keep it in the condition
the day before it broke.
I should put that TV to rest.
Are you looking for a TV?
Let me choose by myself.
This product is so popular.
This salesman is pushy.
It is light and easy to carry!
I don't need that.
I have been carrying TVs around
since I was a toddler.
Sorry. Leave me alone.
He must have money from his parents.
I'll use the sales skills I've learned
in the past four months!
You're a complete rookie.
How about this one?
The Electronics Comedians
recommended this!
Look at these vibrant colors!
Picture quality? It surely is great.
If I look at it for two seconds,
I start seeing its insides.
The poor wiring inside
is actually not acceptable.
That isn't all!
There is a one terabyte hard disk,
so you can record all you want!
I don't record shows.
If I miss the first broadcast,
my telepathy spoils it for me.
If you connect to the Internet,
you can see viewers' tweets in real-time!
I already have that function.
There is also 3D functionality!
I don't like that.
It reminds me of Nendo's father.
-He isn't interested.
-Good grief. What a bother.
This is fine. Give me this one.
But the Electronics Comedians
didn't recommend that one.
I don't care about them!
I want a discount.
Let's round down to 49,000 yen.
What do you say?
I'll double your store points and throw in
an alarm clock and batteries
I can't do that! We will go bankrupt!
No you won't.
That was the price you thought before.
If I lower the price to 25,000 yen,
this little brat will crumble.
If I throw in batteries,
he'll be skipping home.
I don't need batteries. Keep them!
He is tough.
He must have checked
our competitors online.
Customer!
There is a price match guarantee,
but that is only limited
to brick-and-mortar stores.
Search all of the electronic stores
I have visited.
Use thoughtography
for the cheapest product!
You can't argue with this.
It's 26,700 yen in Gunma!
Go ahead and give them a call.
I see. I'll make it 26,699 then.
-Rounding down?
-26,000 yen will be fine.
Okay. I'll take it.
I haven't been pushed
into a discount like this
since that unibrow policeman
I met at the Kamiari training site.
But this is not the end!
I'll show you what I've learned
in the past four months!
Customer! Are you interested
in any other products today?
No! Let me check out!
How about this?
You can create your own space
with these noise-canceling headphones!
You can shut out all of the noise
of this world!
-Buy! Buy at full price! Buy six!
-His greedy voice only got louder.
How about an electronic dictionary?
I already know everything.
How about this
beautiful single-lens camera?
I can use my powers to take pictures
of every corner of this world.
How about this weird gorilla?
Connect it to a music player
and it will make noises and play drum!
I don't want a weird gorilla.
Can you make coffee jelly with this?
I got him!
You have a great eye!
That is exclusive to this store.
By pushing one button, you can make
assorted types of jelly!
One button?
You can use this nozzle
to make whipped cream!
Whipped cream?
To make your jelly creation even more fun,
it comes with seven molds!
Seven molds!
It has a handle so it is easy to carry!
Even a handle!
I've got him completely hooked.
It can also be run on batteries.
The price is unbelievably reasonable!
It's 29,800 yen.
If I buy this, I can't buy the TV.
I can only choose one.
If I forget to fix the TV even one day,
it will never work again.
If I make coffee jelly myself,
I will need to wash dishes
and clean my desk.
I will also need batteries.
The TV is the better choice.
If you buy now,
you get double store points,
an alarm clock, table cleaning liquid,
and 40 batteries.
I'll take it!
What did you buy
with your new year's money?
I'll let you have a taste too, Mom.
COLD
Are you beatboxing?
Do you have a cold, Kaido?
Yes, I think so.
If you have a cold, don't go to school.
Go to the hospital.
The Dark Reunion must be testing out
a new biological weapon.
They are trying to stop
the breathing of all humans.
Get your head checked at the hospital.
What a weakling.
-Everyone catches colds!
-So it is a cold.
I myself have never caught a cold.
I am a physic, after all.
I've never caught one.
Now that I think about it, me neither.
You two should.
Kuboyasu, did you catch a cold too?
Look at that mask!
See? Most people catch colds.
Both of these guys are weak.
I see.
Most people wear masks
only when they catch colds.
It was a fashion item.
FIRST OO
Seriously?
That is my first laugh of the year!
Pal and Little guy!
-Look! My first weird dance of the year.
-My first time not caring.
First weird face.
You have had weird faces
since the start of the year.
Quit fooling around!
Take my first Ultimate Night Storm!
-Mera, is that your first ramen?
-Yes!
It may be my first meal.
I finally got paid today!
Of course, I ate grass and snow,
but I thought I might die.
It is January 20th.
NEW YEAR'S STORIES
What did you do on New Year's?
Isn't it late for that talk?
I wasn't on Earth the moment
the new year began!
Amazing!
Amazing, Takahashi!
The fact that you can tell such
a stupid story is amazing!
What?
Everyone has done it once, right?
I did do that when I was a child.
But it wasn't fun at all.
All I could think of was
that the Earth is blue.
-Saiki, what did you do for New Year's?
-You too?
If you want to leave the Earth,
I am more than willing to help.
I had to ring the temple bell.
Remove the 108 earthly desires
by ringing the bell 108 times
That job fits you perfectly.
But after ringing it seven or eight times,
my hand hurt so I gave up.
Earthly desire.
A bunch of people wanting to ring it
showed up.
I jokingly asked them for 1000 yen
-and they actually paid! I made a killing!
-Earthly desire.
There was a girl with huge boobs
-and each time she rang it they shook!
-Earthly desire!
The temple bell is the best!
In place of the bell,
try hitting your head 108 times.
HOLIDAY WEIGHT GAIN
I got fat.
This is the worst!
I did eat osechi, ozoni,
and lots of candy.
But this is too much!
Ugly pig!
Kaido will hate me this fat!
I need to do something!
Bath towel!
This is heavy.
I can lose five kilograms right now!
It's 0,1 kilograms. Bath towels are light.
It cannot be helped.
I must break the seal
on this 4,9-kilogram headband.
I shall need to break the rules
of the master,
but this is the only means
of maintaining global balance.
There's no need to actually see it.
I know the result.
I want some ice cream!
PLAYING IN THE SNOW
Let's have a snowball fight!
A snowball fight sounds like fun.
I will get to face Nendo.
I shall be victorious!
Hairo, it's melting!
Here I come!
Hairo, it's melting!
Why?
I made an igloo. Everyone get in!
Hairo, it's melting!
Why?
Tell me!
Hairo, it's melting!
Welcome to the world of psychics.
NEW YEAR CARD
Why?
Nothing today. Why?
Why won't Saiki send me
a New Year card in return?
I even decided to write a heart on it!
And yet I get nothing!
I can't believe this!
There must be a reason!
Perhaps
he is trying to search for
the perfect words that won't offend me!
That is possible.
Or perhaps he is worried
about his penmanship.
He joined a class to improve it!
That is possible!
Wait.
Perhaps he is teasing me!
He is enjoying seeing me squirm like this.
He wouldn't dare! But
That is possible!
I am conflicted.
Which will lower my image more?
Giving her a card
or not giving her a card?
I just don't know.
It is time for the next episode preview.
It's so quiet
because I am wearing a telepathy silencer.
With this, I can preview
the next episode in peace.
Next time on
Kaido, you have a ton of lines. Good luck.
Subtitle translation by James Burns