The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (2016) s02e05 Episode Script

1
Imu, do you have a boyfriend?
-It's the senior, Kuramochi.
-I've always wondered.
He's a bit sleazy, but I'm bored.
So, how about we
Maybe I'll give him a shot.
Let's go out.
-Okay?
-No way, loser!
Nobody checks out other girls
while asking me out!
And it just had to be her!
I've had enough of her!
I'm the cutest girl in school!
Her name is Imu Rifuta.
She sees Kokomi Teruhashi as her rival,
but she's still
the second cutest girl in school.
Someday, I'll shut her up.
YEAR 1 - CLASS 5
Kusuo Saiki is in Year 2 Class 3?
That's the same class as her.
Thanks, boys. You can go now.
As you command.
He's freakishly average
in both sports and grades.
He's average looking too.
This can't be right.
Oh, my god!
Teruhashi is walking through
the first-year hallway!
It's true! There she is!
Who cares?
What's she doing here?
-Close the door already.
-Why's she here?
Hey! What happened to your shirts?
-Oh!
-You guys!
-It's always about Teruhashi! What gives?
-She must want something. Here she comes.
There you are, Imu!
-I need to talk. Is now a good time?
-Rifuta? They're friends?
Me?
Teruhashi came just to see me?
What is it?
What are you so happy about?
She is your enemy!
Stay calm and face her as equals!
-You got something you want?
-Huh?
-Cleaning committee?
-Yes.
Is anyone in your class up for it?
Do you think you could ask?
No problem.
Thank you. I know you're busy.
Why me?
You could get hundreds
at the drop of a hat.
How is school, Imu?
Are you making friends?
Yes, a few.
Really? You're so cute.
You will be popular in no time.
Are you trying to start something?
But I'm more interested
in getting a boyfriend.
I've got a crush too.
Who?
Just a second-year boy, Kusuo Saiki.
Let's see what happens.
Wow!
Teruhashi?
What? It's nothing!
Sorry. It's just unexpected.
Yes!
I finally found
Kokomi Teruhashi's weakness!
But why do you like Saiki?
He's just so average, you know?
There are so many other boys, so why him?
Do I need a reason to like someone?
I'll give you a reason.
It's because you want him!
Anyway, do you two know each other?
Could you introduce us?
No! I don't know him that well.
And are you sure he's right for you?
He's a little antisocial, don't you think?
That's totally fine!
Also, he smells like crushed ginkgo nuts.
She's taking it a bit far.
Right? So just find someone else.
This just makes me want him even more.
After all that you have said,
I can trust that you won't
get in my way, right?
-Oh, when do I tell him?
-Hey, Imu!
-I've finally found a way to shut her up!
-What about the senior, Kuramochi?
I have to make Kusuo Saiki mine!
I want to see her face
when I take the boy she likes.
As Imu Rifuta cackles in victory,
another one is snickering in secret.
Yes, the crushed ginkgo nut.
Shut up, you.
This is all going as planned.
I was leading her along on purpose.
The way things are going,
she will come to me by the end of the day.
I'll play along.
Teruhashi will find out
that I'm with Rifuta.
She will lose interest.
And then she will leave.
Rifuta will have beaten Teruhashi.
She will be satisfied and leave, too.
Then I can be alone.
Knowing these two, word won't spread.
I'll finally be free
from the school queen.
Saiki! Can I talk to you?
Right on cue.
Wow, seriously?
Is he really Teruhashi's type?
Yes, she's a real problem.
Do you have a girlfriend?
He really wants me to know he's single.
Why so desperate?
Oh, so how do you feel about me?
A thumbs up!
So, you mean you like me
more than Teruhashi?
Yes! Finally,
I'm better than her!
-For too long, she has had it all.
-They're in different leagues!
-I thought the world was on her side.
-You can't compare her to an angel!
But out of everyone, he chose me.
Wait, what?
Was he always this handsome?
Do you think we could
A guy like him
I'm only using him to get to her!
Never mind, sorry to bother you!
I can't say it!
What the
What's up? If you got fired,
get over to the unemployment office.
No! It's your mom's birthday soon.
I was wondering what to get her.
Oh, right. I should get something, too.
What should I get her this year?
Last year, I got her a life-size
mannequin of myself.
I'll have to do better this year.
I can't think of anything worse.
Why does he have such bizarre taste?
What are you mulling over?
If it's divorce, get it over with.
That's not it.
It's your dad's birthday soon, you know?
I was thinking about what to get him.
Right.
How about one of those
bread bag clips or something?
Last year I got him a life-size
mannequin of himself.
-What should I get?
-Another one?
See you later.
-Kusuo, take care of Mom.
-Ku, take care of Dad.
-What?
-What?
Were you going out too, honey?
Yes.
-What? They weren't going out together?
-What, you're going out too, dear?
I'm going to the hillside
-to cut grass.
-Like a folk tale?
I'll be at the river
Yes, the river! I thought
I would do laundry there.
Do it at home.
So, we're going different directions.
Yes! I'll go this way.
So, they're going to buy presents.
They have been together for nearly
20 years. They get along way too well.
All right, what to do?
I've got it. I bought a bunch of B-movies
at the clearance sale
when the video store
around the corner closed.
I put them in here.
These must be last year's birthday gifts.
Creepy.
Then where are the movies I put here?
They threw them away
to make room for this trash!
If this was last year's,
I can't imagine what they are going
to get this time.
Let's take a look.
CLAIRVOYANCE
There he is! What's he looking at?
It's cute and right up her alley.
I'll tell her that this
is the size of my love.
No, this is the size of my rage.
I'll take it.
You have the money for that?
-I didn't think so.
-My money's gone!
You didn't know?
What? It's gone!
I got out 300,000
for the present yesterday.
-Could Kusuo have
-Wait a minute.
After I got the 300,000 yesterday,
I went drinking with coworkers.
"Could Kusuo have" what?
After that, I went to the toy store.
I couldn't resist buying
the premium action figure.
You idiot. Well, it looks like dad
is all right for now.
Next
There's mom.
Oh, isn't this nice?
If it's in a showcase,
it can't be that bad.
-Nice showcase.
-You want the showcase?
Dad has got that big doll collection.
He needs a good display case
to put them in.
This is way too big.
But where will we put it?
There you go. That's my mom,
always thinking ahead.
Well, there's nowhere to put it,
so I guess we can't get it.
Yes, that's the right choice.
Good. It looks like
there's nothing to worry about.
A few days passed,
and their birthdays finally arrived.
Welcome home, honey!
Happy birthday!
Hold up! What a surprise!
-Wow!
-Drop the act.
Oh, and the food looks amazing!
-And cake, too! Hold up!
-That's not all.
I got you a present, too.
What? A present? Hold up!
Quit saying "hold up."
-Ta-da! It's a showcase!
-What?
You have all those dolls, don't you?
So I thought this
What? Don't you like it?
No, of course, I like it.
Oh, yes. I got something for you, too.
Look! It's a giant stuffed animal!
What?
Oh, a bear! It's so big and cute!
It is but a grain of rice
that shows my love for you.
How did he buy this
if he didn't have any money?
And it's a kit, so you can customize it.
You love crafting, right, honey?
What's wrong? Don't you like it?
No! That's not it.
It's just that I don't have
my art supplies or my sewing machine.
I sent them back to my parents yesterday.
What? Why?
I had to make room for the showcase.
About that,
-all of my action figures are gone.
-What?
I sold them all to buy your present.
What?
Does this mean
I got this present for nothing?
Me, too.
What idiots.
They're hopeless.
I'll put everything back,
and call it my present.
I'm not sad, Kusuo.
I'm crying tears of joy!
Me, too!
You sold all
of your precious dolls just for me.
You sent off your crafting supplies
just for me.
-Thank you! I'll cherish it!
-Thank you!
I get it.
It really is the thought that counts.
I know we didn't have anything else
to display,
but this is creeping me out.
This might seem sudden,
but have you ever wanted
to talk to animals?
For example, your pet at home,
or the cute creatures at the zoo.
You want to know what they're thinking.
I'm sure many of you can relate.
But a word of caution for all who do.
You will regret trying it.
I can use telepathy
to read people's thoughts.
And if I turn up my sensitivity,
I can read other creatures' minds too.
Take that dog over there, for instance.
It looks nice enough turning its head
to look at each passerby.
But he's really like this.
I can kill this one.
He's checking out passersby
to see if he can kill them or not.
Hey, Hachi! Wait up!
That's no "Hachi."
It's more like "Hatchet."
Of course, not all animals are like that,
but ignorance is bliss.
-Hey! Hey!
-What's that?
I told you to stop! Hey!
Finally, you saw me.
I'm a cute hamster!
Hey! Wait! Stop! Don't you see me?
-Good grief. How annoying.
-I'll fall off!
I'm really impressed.
You understand what I'm saying.
Which makes you one mean dude!
What kind of idiot treats
a cute creature like a monster?
I almost flew into space
and became a ham-star!
-He's so annoying.
-Did you get it?
Star, ham-star, get it?
The jokes are annoying too.
Whatever. Later.
Huh? What?
Are you stupid or something?
That's enough.
I'm a real hamster bred in captivity.
-So what?
-I grew up in wood chips.
This is the part where you
pick me up and take me home!
I'm not in this story.
This guy just doesn't get it.
Good grief. What a pain.
Hey! Wait! Sunflower seeds?
What the hell is up with this one?
I'm sorry! It's all my fault!
Please don't leave!
I'm so stupid.
I always wanted to see the outside world.
But it's been hell.
I want to go back home!
Good grief. He's finally being honest.
The air conditioner is on
and there's always food.
I want that easy life again!
Now he's being too honest.
Well, I can't let him die out here.
I guess I'll get him back to his owner.
Really?
I can use telepathy
to find someone looking for a hamster.
I don't think it's around here.
I got picked up by a hawk.
By a hawk? If it's not around here,
-I can't help.
-What?
This is one thing that I can't do.
But you said you would take me back!
It's pretty rare
that I can't do something.
I can do almost anything.
But with no destination, it's game over.
All right, fine!
Let me stay at your house.
Anything is better than this.
-No can do.
-You can't do anything!
This is one thing that I can't do.
Wait!
There might be something in it for you.
What do you mean by that?
Don't you get it?
Think of the merchandise
you could make of me.
You would make a fortune!
Or I could crush you.
Hey! Why are you putting me down?
Having trouble?
-Amp?
-Shall I lend a paw?
And nobody would buy
that rat's merchandise.
Nor yours.
I am a cat, and you are no match!
The market is saturated with cats!
Blue robot cats, cute cats with ribbons,
red ghost cats, and so many more!
There's no room
for ugly cats like you, stupid!
I'm going to put an end
to his mascot career.
Eating him will end
your mascot career too.
What are you here for anyway?
I know where you live,
but I'm not telling!
What? Do you really?
You made me mad.
So ugly.
I'm really sorry.
I was just jealous.
Everyone loves cats more than hamsters.
And then you came along.
You are the ideal cat in every way!
Come on! This way!
-That was too easy.
-Way too easy.
Right over there.
That's new to me.
But the next house over there
looks real familiar.
Don't push it.
Let's try. I have nothing to lose.
You've already lost.
I'm going home.
Come on, wait! I was just kidding!
That's my owner!
I missed you all so much!
Hey! I'm home!
-Good for you, Ken.
-Yes!
Keep an eye on this one, okay?
I'll take good care of it!
-This one's cuter than before.
-Don't forget to thank Mr. Enokida!
Thanks Mr. Enokida!
YEAR 2 - CLASS 3
All right, now, to find someone
to take in this lost hamster.
You're nocturnal. Go to sleep.
Is it really okay to bring me
to school like this?
Or are you looking to stir up trouble?
Hiroshi, what is that?
It's nothing!
Stop moving! They will see you!
You watch too many cartoons!
I'm trying to find you a new owner.
-What?
-Calm down.
First, we will find some candidates.
A hamster?
Yes, do you want it?
I'll take him for a test drive.
This is your new home. Behave, okay?
The house is below average,
but I can make it work.
Now to give you a name.
You're a hamster. Ham
How about Chicken Tender?
No way! Why not stick with ham?
The "ham" in "hamster" isn't meat!
Shall we begin?
Let's start with three
five-minute sprints!
-What?
-Come on, run!
Let's see some spirit! Don't give up!
You can do it! Come on, Chicken Tender!
I can't stay there. Find somewhere else.
Good grief.
A hamster, you say?
That's right. Take it.
Well, I was running out of lab rats.
Welcome to my lab!
First, you need a name.
What's with him?
What will he do with me?
For now, let's go
with Inferno Dragon Vaitz!
"For now"? He seems really set on that!
Shall we begin?
I knew he was going to dissect me.
The hamster needs to eat.
Stop sending mixed signals!
I was too scared to sleep.
Can you find someone else?
You're way too picky.
A hamster?
That's right. Shut up and take him.
-This hamster smells like Kaido.
-She's scary.
I'll ask my mom.
This is my room, Shun.
You've come up with a name already?
It will be nice to have a girl owner.
Girls are nice and attentive.
Well, now that you're settled in,
let's get you changed.
Oh, you're adorable!
What the hell is this?
I can barely move! What am I a dog?
This is bad, but I can handle it.
She's better than the others.
Hey, Shun, listen a second.
I passed by Kaido in the hall recently.
What's with her?
She must like talking to animals.
And nobody reacted at all.
-I was so embarrassed.
-Go to bed!
But you've had that happen, right?
You understand, right?
Oh, god, I can still hear her voice.
Please find someone else.
Enough! You think you're a prince?
A hamster?
Just take it.
Did you dress it like this?
Definitely not.
Finally, a winner.
She will take me for sure.
Sorry, I have a cat. I can't take him.
What?
It's true. It can't be helped.
Choose one of the three.
No, please! Give me another chance!
I'm only a hamster!
But there's nobody else to ask.
Oh, is that a hamster?
Let me see it, borrow it and pet it.
Don't touch me!
Well, he's here already.
Let's give him a shot.
Don't be stupid!
A guy of his brain and brawn
could never keep me.
Leave it to me.
Be good now.
He's no good.
I can tell by his hands that
he doesn't know how to be gentle.
All right. Let's do this.
The floor's filthy. I'll clean that up.
I have to replace
the toilet sand and water, too.
You've been fed too many sunflower seeds.
Who is this guy?
He's actually really good.
Such sweet memories.
I remember the hamster I had as a kid.
He's had a hamster before.
You were the best, Koriki.
We were always together
through thick and thin, rain or shine.
What is this a comic book?
It's all fixed up.
It's so clean!
He even left some chips and sand with
my scent on them so I won't get confused!
Let me put this blanket over your cage
until you get used to the new place.
Is this guy for real?
This is
I'll make him love me!
Good grief.
I'm glad I finally found him a home.
Hey! Stay still!
I got it, Koriki Two.
I'll give you a sunflower seed later.
This feels great!
What made your voice that creepy?
Kusuo! Check it out! This is amazing!
It's a massage chair.
Kusuke sent it for our birthdays.
Kusuke. Oh, yes, I remember him.
Kusuke built it himself. That's my boy.
It says it's for Mom.
ELECTRIC SHOCK FOR ANYONE BUT MOM
He's just being sheepish.
He's always been shy.
-He's like an old cartoon!
-I knew this would happen.
I'll get that boy!
It's just another one of his pranks.
Don't be mad.
No, not this time.
I'm going to England to complain.
Honey.
Get my passport and restaurant guide.
You just want a vacation.
Don't say that.
If your shoulders are stiff,
let me rub them.
So don't be mad at him. Okay, honey?
-Okay!
-Nice face.
I'll rub Ku's shoulders, too.
No, thanks. My shoulders are fine.
Come on, just
-Oh, my word!
-What is it, honey?
His shoulders are so stiff!
Is that all?
They are so hard I thought he was
a statue for a second.
How can you mistake your son for a statue?
You're always overreacting, honey.
However monstrous he may appear,
there's no way it can be that bad.
What the hell?
His shoulder felt like I was touching
a bank vault just now!
What do you think I am?
Kusuo, you've got stiff shoulders,
and that's putting it lightly.
I have stiff shoulders?
Yes, your hands and feet are fine,
but your shoulders are rock hard.
We need to do something about that.
How in the world
could I have stiff shoulders?
I can think of a lot
of explanations for this.
My shoulders do seem a bit heavy.
I want to help him,
but our hands won't even make a dent.
I got it! I found this wooden sword.
Let's hit him with it!
-Really?
-They really are that stiff, you know?
Don't worry. I'll go easy.
Aren't you just taking out
your frustrations on me?
I'm not. Ready?
I hate my life!
I told you.
Why'd it go "clank"?
The sword broke!
He's too stiff.
Nothing softer than iron will make a dent.
If that's what it takes,
how about this pipe!
That's a little much.
It made sparks!
This won't work either.
Neither will this.
What did you use?
An icepick.
I thought something sharp might work.
You stabbed me?
You can't do that!
Wait a minute.
I don't want your help.
I'm back! I got this
from the guys working outside.
It's a rammer!
-No way.
-This will do the trick!
Now, lie down, Kusuo!
Is this necessary?
Are you ready for this?
Fire!
This is quite jarring.
But it's actually not that bad.
It's not bad at all.
It looks like it's working!
Good. A bit more of this
will loosen him up!
I think he likes it!
Just a little more.
We broke the floor!
Good grief.
Any more of that would have
brought the house down.
So, did we fix your shoulders?
I think it might be worse.
But you were onto something there.
I need something more powerful.
It's no use asking you two for help.
Where did he go?
Who knows?
Not bad, but it's a little weak.
I feel like I have a three-year-old
daughter tapping me on the shoulder.
All right, next,
I'll try this.
The rhythm is consistent
and the strength is just right.
I can feel my circulation improving.
Not too bad.
This stone massage
is really hitting the spot!
Now, which rock to use next?
If I do that one more time,
my shoulders
Oh, he's back.
Did you get fixed up?
Why are you so tired?
Good grief. I almost had it.
Wait.
-Kusuo!
-Ku!
Are you okay, Kusuo?
Ku, are you all right?
I'm going to London to punch him.
-The stiffness is gone.
-What?
It fixed your shoulder
like an electrotherapy device!
Kusuo's shoulders are better!
-It's all thanks to Kusuke.
-I wouldn't say that.
Amazing.
They are so light. They feel brand new.
I feel like a weight has been lifted.
I feel so strong.
I have to keep that under wraps.
NEXT TIME
Well, I felt refreshed
after getting my shoulders fixed.
But I have to be sure
to keep that power in check.
POTATO CHIPS
It looks like everyone
is going on Saiko's boat
to his private island.
Just please, keep me out of it.
Subtitle translation by Robert Edison