The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants (2018) s01e07 Episode Script

Captain Underpants and the Costly Conundrum of the Calamitous Claylossus

1 [narrator] This is George and Harold.
George is on the left with the tie and the flattop.
Harold's on the right with the T-shirt and bad haircut.
Remember that now.
Also, they like to think outside the box.
-Know what'd be awesome? -A gorilla lawyer? [announcer] Last week on [growls] [clears throat] [hooting] Yes, but I was thinking more like Captain Underpants action figures.
That would be awesome, but how are we gonna make toys? -Yeah, that's a problem.
-[loud thud] Do you feel something? [girls screaming] They must have just seen the lunch menu.
Bo Hweemuth is on a rampage! Run! Hide! Scream! Do all three! Bo Hweemuth! [crashing footsteps] Ah! He's a monster! We're all gonna die! And that's the good news.
News Bo Hweemuth! [both yell] So George and Harold make comic books -[George] We're cool! -[Harold] Me too! But they had a mean old principal Who told them what to Blah, blah, blah, blah! So they got a Hypno-Ring And first they made him dance Then accidentally, kinda on purpose Turned him into Captain Underpants! [Captain Underpants] Tra-la-la! With a snap, he's the Captain Not the brightest man And don't forget, when he gets wet You're back where you began Put it all together What could possibly go wrong? Now, this is the end Of the Captain Underpants song! - By George Beard and Harold Hutchins -[Captain Underpants] Tra-la-la! [narrator] Bo is a student at Jerome Horwitz Elementary about whom little was known.
He spent most of his school days alone in the old, abandoned ceramics studio.
Well done, Sneedly.
Those kids ran like guppies from a hungry shark.
My pleasure, sir.
Happy to terrify those peons.
That's why I built the Faker Quaker 2000.
[mechanical whirring] [Mr.
Krupp] Right.
Scared children are good children.
[reverberating] Fear is our friend, and fright makes right! -I mean, that is just-- -So wrong.
-Can't even.
And nothing scares them more than Bo Hweemuth, so keep it up! And you've written a recommendation for me to Eliteanati Academy [bright choral tone] -correct? -Ha.
Of course.
Almost done.
I'd never lie to a child.
By the way, those glasses make you look tall.
[crow] Lie! Lie! [gasps] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[gasps] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Seven! Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep going! I just need to yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ah, seeing stars.
Kids are afraid of Bo Hweemuth 'cause of all the scary rumors, so if we twist those rumors around Make him more fun and silly and put him in a comic book People won't be afraid anymore.
[narrator] The kids had enough rumors for a horror franchise.
[frightening music] You know what I heard? When Bo Hweemuth was a baby, he was found in the woods by bigfoots.
The bigfoots tried to raise him, but Bo ate so much, the bigfoots ran out of food, so Bo swallowed all the bigfoots, and they live in his belly, except for one that got away.
Now the art room is his lair, and if you enter, you'll never leave.
[Dressy] I heard something different.
Eons ago, our second moon split asunder, unleashing Bo Hweemuth upon the cosmos.
He rode a chariot of rainbow fire drawn by a golden griffin to Earth, and he uses lightning to gather the souls of children, the precious fuel for his cursed immortality.
Immortality Whoa, so scary.
And so cool! But scary first.
I heard he has laser teeth, but only monsters have those, and [stutters] yeah, monsters don't exist, except for all we've had here at the school.
Oh, and chupacabra.
I saw chupacabra in Mazatlán when I was on vacation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hairy, vicious, big fangs, and he was surfing! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I barely escaped alive, and he's still out there, hunting me.
What? [narrator] by George and Harold.
[male narrator] So, once, there was this giant kid named Bo Hweemuth.
He was so huge, he wore size 47 shoes and was like, "I have clown feet.
I should be a clown.
" So Bo bought clown stuff and tried to go to clown school, but he couldn't read maps and ended up at NASA instead.
And his big shoe got caught on a rocket that was lifting off, and Bo was all, "I guess I'm going to space!" Luckily, Bo landed on the moon, and the bigfoots who live there were like, "Are you a bigfoot?" 'cause big feet, and Bo was all, "No, I want to be a clown," but when Bo juggled, his bowling pins floated away 'cause, like, zero G and things fly away.
Then Bo got hungry, and the moon's made of cheese, so Bo started eating it all, and the bigfoots were like, "You got to go, bro," and the bigfoots threw Bo and his unicycle and his horns and his rubber nose back to Earth.
But Bo was still hungry, so he went to school and was all, "More cheese for meez!" and ate all the school's cheese, but the cheese was really clay, 'cause the school was saving money and clay's cheap, and Bo ate so much, he turned into Claylossus, a giant clay monster with big feet, size 47.
But Claylossus still had clown dreams and chased the kids with a bucket of confetti, and the kids were all like, "Help! We hate regular clowns, and a clay monster clown is even worse!" So Captain Underpants flew in and was like, "This clown's making frowns, so this clown's going down!" That made Claylossus frown, and he chased Captain Underpants to one of those make-your-own-pizza places where the ovens are really hot because people won't wait for pizzas anymore.
Claylossus dove to catch Captain Underpants, but he missed and fell on the pizza oven and was all, "Ouch, I'm getting melted by pizza heat," and Claylossus melted into a road.
So Captain Underpants and the kids had a parade on him to celebrate, with giant balloons and marching bands and break-dancers and steamrollers and tanks and elephants and, of course, clowns.
So many clowns! They all stomped on Claylossus' face, and the elephants pooped on him a lot, so Claylossus gave up his clown dreams-- and dairy.
Okay, the end.
[George] Yep, no one's gonna be afraid of Bo Hweemuth after this.
[thud] -Maybe.
-[Sneedly] Oh, please.
You poor fools.
Claylossus? Bo read your vile comic book, [singsong] and he's not happy! -[children screaming] -Bo Hweemuth! [dramatic music] It was dreadful knowing you! You're as smart as you are tall.
He's lying! Don't believe him! [both screaming] Wait, why are we running? [Harold] For our lives! Because Melvin said so? We can't trust Melvin.
We don't even know Bo.
We've never even talked to him.
So maybe we should talk to him.
I mean, what's the worst that can happen? [narrator] span style="style3"/That's a long list.
It's a pretty long list.
I bet I know where we can find him.
[foreboding music] [squeaking] [grunts] [grunting] This was a mistake.
He's gonna pound us worse than that clay.
[narrator] That's on the list.
You did this? Uh-oh, we're about to start a [both] Chase montage! [both yelling] [frantic orchestral music] [both grunting and panting] [yelling continues] Come on.
We better keep moving.
George? Buddy? George? Easy, man.
I'm right here.
-Come on, we got to keep moving.
-Aah! [frightening music] [suspenseful music] I wonder why he didn't kick in this stall.
- Maybe he had to go to the bathroom.
- We're in the bathroom.
Oh, yeah.
[uneasy jazz music] I think we lost him.
See? Nothing to worry about.
[both] Huh? Hey, George, look! [George] "Don't think.
Just obey.
" [Harold] "Do butts think?" [both laugh] [ominous music] I was lying.
Worry your butt off.
Oh, I've got something for you.
Does it hurt? Is it one of those spiky ball weapons that I don't know what it's called? -[narrator] A mace.
-[both whimper] -It's this.
[suspenseful music] [heroic fanfare] [both] Whoa.
That's a real Captain Underpants action figure! I'm a huge fan! I love your comics so much, I made this! That's awesome! Thanks.
I make a lot of things.
Want to see? -These are some of my sculptures.
-[both gasp] - [George] Whoa, it's all of our villains.
- [Harold] And us! - Our toys should totally look like this.
- Exactly like this.
[narrator] Instead of a twisted monster, Bo was a gifted sculptor.
In fact, he was full of surprises.
I play banjo, too.
[energetic strumming] I play banjo.
No bigfoots, no moon.
Everything we know about you is wrong! Up is down.
Day is night.
Potato is "potahto.
" Next, you're gonna say you don't like cheese.
[Harold laughs] I play banjo.
[plays "Yankee Doodle"] -Whoa! What? -[humming] [George] Yee-haw! We got to tell everybody about you.
The other kids don't like me.
-And they won't like you.
-They'll love you! [narrator] Though it took convincing, the other kids quickly warmed up to Bo.
So your venom won't melt my skull? No, I'm just a kid like you who can turn into a saber-toothed truck.
-What? -Just kidding.
[laughs] [laughter] Are you now or have you ever been friends with chupacabra? Ask him.
He's right behind you.
[gasps, stutters] Yeah, yeah, yeah! [laughter] [narrator] Bo was enjoying his un-monstering.
So was everyone else.
Well, not everyone else.
Gah! Bo has gone from threat to hero.
How did you let this happen? Me? I did my job.
I'm a genius, not a wizard.
Blame George and Harold.
Son, I'm a bit of an aquarium expert.
Oh? Spell "aquarium.
" Uh, A K uh [yells] I don't need to spell.
I run a school! The point is, an aquarium needs a shark to scare the other fish into line.
That is demonstrably untrue, evidenced by the current state of your aquarium and its occupants.
[yells] [grunting] [clearing throat] This school is my aquarium, and Bo Hweemuth was my shark.
If you don't make him scary again, this place will become an abyss of learning and harmony! And then you'll write my recommendation? Nothing would make me happier.
[crow] Lie! Lie! Liar! He'll never let you go! Your test scores keep the school afloat! -Ah, get out! -[door opens, creaks] -Did you call me? -No! Your shark is gone.
[ominous music] Oh, no.
Close the beach.
-What beach? -Close the beach! He's 50 feet tall minus 45 feet The scourge of the school Except he's sweet Got a mouth full of teeth But no lasers in sight Gonna give big hugs And make you feel all right Got a friend named Bo He's a guy you oughta know - If you see him, say hello - Now you got a friend named Bo Call me Bo, yo.
[whistles] Wow, a new potter's wheel.
It must be a present from my new friends.
[Melvin laughs] Not friends, plural.
Friend, singular, as in one.
Me, because I'm your only friend, Bo.
But George and Harold Have you not read their wretched comic book about you? Sure.
It's hilarious.
Hilarious that they made you a road and had elephants poop on you? Well, I mean, yeah, I liked it.
They're just using you to make toys.
Friends don't draw friends as monsters.
You're wrong.
They don't think I'm a monster.
No? Let's find out.
[whirring] What? No! Aah! My Inte-claytion Station 2000 will fuse you with clay! -Oh, why are you doing this? -[narrator] Good question.
Let's recap.
Melvin wants to go to the Eliteanati Academy, his dream school.
He needs a recommendation from Krupp, so he's doing Krupp's dirty work.
Melvin also detests George and Harold, so he must destroy anything they enjoy, like Bo's friendship.
But the main reason--he's Melvin.
I'm not doing this.
George and Harold made you Claylossus.
I'm merely following their instructions.
Let us begin! Ugh, it's updating.
Hang on.
[device beeping] Seen any good TV shows lately? Uh, I watched Turtle-Lawyer.
It's about a turtle that's a-- -[device buzzes] -It's done.
Now let us begin! Hope you like spinning! [Bo yelling] Now let there be A vase? No, you worthless piece of And now let there be Claylossus! [yells] Ew.
Clay! Yes, the clay impedes cognition.
-Wha? -Sorry.
It makes you dumber but scarier.
[yells] [cheerful music] Hey, Dressy, you seen Bo? No, and I have a gift for him.
He saved a ladybug from a spiderweb.
Ladybug Yeah, Bo's the best.
-Sure is! -[bell dings] He fixed my bike! And it's not even my bike! Yep, Bo's good people.
He lurks in the night and drinks the blood of goats, cows, and sheep.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're not talking about chupacabra, are you? -Mm-mm.
-Well, you should be.
Bad news, lowbrows.
Bo is coming.
So? No one's afraid of Bo anymore.
[Gooch] I like Bo.
Oh, you should be.
He's a monster.
No, he's not.
Bo is our-- [crashing footsteps] Aah! [grunts] [ominous music] [whimpers] Clay! [all gasp] -[children screaming] -[Dressy] Run! [growls] Friend! [Melvin] I told you.
They'll always fear you.
I'm your only friend.
Me have no friends? Me have no friends! -[roars] -[grunting] Well, now you don't, you big clay lossus! Come on, me.
Step up your trash talk.
Now you don't, you big clay Ugh, what's wrong with me? [dramatic music] Wait, why are we running again? Because Bo looks like a mountain that melted into an anger hill! But he's still our friend.
Oh, you're right.
We got to help him.
[wind whistling] After we find him.
Where'd he go? [narrator] The Clayground is Piqua's top recreational sculpting destination.
Oh, I'm crazy for clay So my name is Clayzee Come to the Clayground And clay with me Were you interested in the basic clay package or the deluxe? Clay! Deluxe package on the house! He found a clay stash.
-Quick, before he levels up! -Bo, we know you're in there! Let us help! You're no monster! You're our friend! [Claylossus growling] Clay! Plan B.
Yep, time for Captain Underpants.
[Claylossus roars] [narrator] Mr.
Krupp was close by.
[Melvin] Claylossus dead ahead.
[ Krupp] When I said make a monster, I didn't mean make him a monster.
He needs more clay, less brain.
All I have to do is smoosh him into a ball and try again.
Well, you better if you want that letter.
And why is this truck so small? The Tinytug 2000 is immense power in a small package, just like me, and it drives itself, -literally.
-[beeping] -Hey, Mr.
Krupp! -Mr.
Krupp, stop! Oh, no, I can't be seen with you! I'm not here! [yells] Don't forget my letter! [sighs] First my shark, now this! [George] And this! [heroic music] -[thud] -[crow caws] Tra-la-la! Hmm, I need a cape.
We need to help Bo.
Bo's a dog, right? Here, Bo! Here, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo! -No, he's a-- -[Captain Underpants] Here, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo! Here-- Huh? Captain Underpants! He's a clay monster, but he's also our friend, so you can't hurt him! Ooh, that's a wrinkle.
Get back! [screams] [roars] [grunting] This is for your own good.
[Claylossus groaning] Let him go, Melvin! Stay out of this! The only way to help him is to smoosh him.
No smoosh! No smoosh! [screams] You're breaking it! -[gasps] -No Ah! [narrator] Welcome to Piqua, population: clay.
Great, look what all of you did.
Whoa, everything's clay, even us! This is nuts! And awesome.
[narrator] And expensive.
Everything's squishy like my belly.
Whoa-oh! Hey! Ha! [laughs] All right! Hey, check this out! [laughs] Ra-la-cape! Oh! [mischievous orchestral music] All clay! All me! [dramatic music] [growls] Okay, clay time's over.
We got to stop him before we're a part of him.
How do we change him, Melvin? Easy.
I reverse the dynamicaflob of the flookensplooger hodank to turn the Inte-claytion Station into a de-inte-claytion station.
But why would I help you when I loathe you? [Claylossus growls] No! [screams] Well, there's one reason.
[growling] [Captain Underpants] Hey! That dog looks like a monster.
'Cause he's not a dog.
You got to stop him.
-Be tough.
-But gentle.
You're sending me mixed messages.
[heroic fanfare] [growls] [narrator] Chapter Eight: The Incredibly Graphic Violence Chapter, presented in cheap-o-rama.
The following is too violent to show you, so enjoy cheap-o-rama, featuring office supplies and our intern Deirdre, because they're free.
[Deirdre] Paper Pushers.
[soft music] Staple Stir-Up.
Trash Talk Takedown.
Man, that dog means business.
[growling] Wait, why are we so blobby now? [narrator] Cost-saving.
Have to fix this fast.
If the money runs out, the episode just stops.
We got to fix this fast.
We need to use Melvin's gizmo to change everything back.
Oh, it's easy! Just reverse the dynamicaflob of the flookensplooger hodank.
How'd you remember? They're just fun words.
I can't do it, but I can say it.
Flookensplooger hodank! We need Melvin.
Can you go get him? Sure, sounds fun.
Tra-la-splat! Found him! That's a car.
[playful music] Hey! Ha! [laughs] [Claylossus growls] Flookensplooger! [Harold] Whoa, we really are getting cheap.
[George] You've got to turn him back, Melvin.
[Melvin] Why? If you don't, we have no school, no town! [Melvin] So? -[No Eliteanati Academy! -[Melvin] I'll do it.
[Captain Underpants] Hurry up, guys! I'm in a real dogfight over here.
[grunting] -Hiyah! Oh! -[Claylossus] Me not dog! -[George] Working on it.
-[Harold] Hands, do your thing! [narrator] No more money.
[George] In that case, let's roll.
-[Harold] Melvin, start up that gizmo! -[-Melvin] I'll try! [Captain Underpants] Don't forget about me! [device beeps] I don't know if this is gonna work.
The screen is made of clay.
[all] Whoa! [narrator] Long story short, in the nick of time, Melvin was able to flookensplooger the hodank.
You saved me! We saved us.
Because friends save friends with friends who are friends.
-So we are friends? -Yep.
And you're not using me to make toys? Not intentionally.
[laughs] Yeah! [laughter] We should get a dog.
This isn't over.
I'm going to--gah! [yells] [groans] Where am I? Where are my pants? [gasps] Where is my shark? You watch Turtle-Lawyer last night? Yeah.
It's no Gorilla-Lawyer.
How much longer on the toys? You'll have to ask our new CTO.
-That's chief toy officer.
-What do you think, Bo? Um, a month? [harp glissando] Now accepting preorders.
[upbeat orchestral music] He's here.
He found me.
Chu-chu-chu-chu-chu-chu-chupacabra! I found my shark! He is not happy! -[both yell] -Look, bigfoot! OMG.
We're gonna see the greatest matchup in history! -Shark versus chupacabra versus bigfoot! -[narrator] Sorry, we can't afford that.
-Aw, come on! -What? No way.
[narrator] Okay, maybe just a peek.
[dramatic music]